Chuck (2007–2012): Season 3, Episode 8 - Chuck Versus the Fake Name - full transcript

Hi. I'm Chuck.
Here's a few things you need to know.

- Who is that?
Hot blond? Heart of ice?

- That's Chuck's ex, Sarah.
- What's their deal?

Turns out
I haven't been completely honest.

Truth is, I was hitting on you.

It was completely unprofessional,
and I apologize.

Oh, my God.
Chuck has a secret girlfriend.

I can't believe that
Chuck is sneaking around my back.

Living this other life that he doesn't
think I know anything about.

I guess he'll tell you about Hannah
when he's ready, hon.

"Hannah." Like you've said it a hundred
times before. So casual. "Hannah."



- Chuck asked me to keep it a secret.
- Maybe it's me.

Maybe he thinks, like,
I'll judge him or something.

He told me about the first girl
he had a crush on: Mrs. Seaver.

- Who?
- The mom from Growing Pains.

You know,
and you used to tell me everything too.

And now you and my brother
are thick as thieves.

Is there something
you're keeping from me too?

No, nothing. Not a thing.

- You're lying.
- I'm not lying.

- Your pulse is racing.
- I'm exercising.

Honey, go to Chuck.
Tell him how you feel. Be honest.

- That's good advice, honey. I love you.
- Heh.

Chuck?

Chuck?



Chuck, listen, uh, I get it.

You know, I'm not the one
that you share everything with anymore.

I just... I just miss being that person.

Everybody knew about this new girl
that you're dating before I did.

I just wanted to let you know
I'm a good secret keeper.

And if you don't want Sarah
to know about the new girl....

I won't tell Sarah if you don't.

Um, I'm Hannah.

Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing.

Ellie, uh....

- My sister.
- Okay.

I've been meaning
to introduce you to...

...Hannah. Hannah. Who apparently
you've already just met right now.

Uh, Hannah is a girl.

She is a girl, and a friend.

A very close friend. Technically,
as close as two people can kind of...

Um, I need to go and get dressed
so I can go to work. It was....

Uh, it was really great to meet you, Ellie.

- Likewise.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I am... I am so sorry. I just...
I don't know.

I felt like I was out of the loop,
and you used to tell me everything...

I know. I'm sorry.
You shouldn't be sorry.

I wanted to tell you. I've just been
really wrapped up at work and....

But I have an idea.

I'm gonna make dinner
for the four of us tonight.

And guess what,
it's gonna be your favorite. Oh, yeah.

My famous chicken pepperoni.

- Huh?
- Oh, I gotta tell you the truth.

I love, ahem, your chicken pepperoni.

Yes, I know this.

Really, I'm just... I'm so glad
that you're moving on from Sarah.

I thought you didn't want dessert.

I don't. I want yours.

See, my dessert is contained
within your dessert.

- Listen, Shaw.
- I like that.

Keep it on a last-name basis.
Personal. Very sexy, Walker.

I don't think we should see each other
in a non-work capacity.

Oh, is that what this is?

Look, it's just,
it's becoming a pattern for me...

...to get involved
with the guys that I work with.

And I really need to put a stop to that
before it starts.

So this is a preemptive breakup?

I need to stop mixing my personal life
with my professional life.

I'd be a liar
if I didn't say I was disappointed.

But I get it.

- Vehicle in question has arrived.
Roger that.

Man is on the move.

I have the target in sight.

Did you wear cologne in my car?

Nobody wants to smell you.

The next time you wear cologne
in my car, I will end you.

Night-night.

Rafe Gruber is a martial-arts expert,
a sharpshooter.

He is one of five people who can
hit a target from half a mile away.

I mean, the man is a chameleon.

It is a miracle
that we even got a hit on his location.

- Very few people have seen his face.
- Big deal. Not impressed.

Well, The Ring is. They wired
a million dollars into his account.

"Enemy of my enemy is my friend"
kind of thing.

We need to know
who The Ring wants dead.

There's nothing this clown can do
that I can't do.

I'm perfect for this mission.

Still,
we're going with Bartowski on this one.

He'll assume Rafe's identity
in order to learn The Ring's target.

Intersect is performing.
He can do this. He's ready.

- Right, Walker?
- Chuck wants to be a spy.

Well, hello, Team Bartowski.

Tempt anyone with a tasty treat?

Huh? Ha-ha-ha.

- What's with him?
- Stallion had a date last night.

Must have gotten lucky.

So, what is going on?

- Who's this guy?
- That is Rafe Gruber.

Wow, old Rafey boy
is not such a good guy, now, is he?

- What are we doing with him?
- Not "we," Chuck.

- You.
- You're about to assume an alias.

You're gonna become
the world's most dangerous assassin.

Becoming an alias is unlike anything
you've had in your spy training before.

Under the most stressful conditions,
you react only as Rafe, not Chuck.

Guys, please, I think I know
a thing or two about acting.

I played Perchik in my high school's
production of Fiddler on the Roof...

...and I was really quite good...
Oh! Ow!

- What'd you do that for?
- Proving a point.

Everything you think and feel, even
your innate reflexes, have to change.

The people that Gruber associates
will kill first, ask questions later.

Okay, fine, I get it. What's the plan?

Casey is going to elicit the details from
Gruber: whom he's meeting and when.

You'll go in as Gruber, take his place.

Good luck. It's tough getting information
out of a top assassin like Rafe.

No. I can be very persuasive.

- Let me talk to him for a second.
- Step off. I got a job to do.

Yeah, well, so do I, okay?

I gotta learn about Rafe so I can
get into character for my mission.

For example, assassin is not normally
a booth one finds at Career Day.

- How did you become interested in this?
- Why would I tell you anything?

I can think of one burning reason why.

Okay, how about this one?
What was your most difficult hit?

I'll take the torture
over this man's questions.

"I'll take the torture
over this man's questions."

Hey, don't you touch that phone.

Gruber here.

Of course I'm ready.
Who do you think you're dealing with?

Yeah. Yeah, I know where that is.

Across the street
from the cupcake place.

Because I like cupcakes, that's why.
Who doesn't like a good cupcake?

I'll be there.

Not bad, Bartowski.

Who the hell is Bartowski?

Look at that guy.

Chuck's the greatest lady killer
Burbank has ever seen.

- He's a real Chuck magnet.
Please, with the puns.

Terrible timing
for my number-one employee, Morgan...

...to be away at a leadership seminar.

Due to a clerical oversight, we received
triple the Crock-Pots I intended.

- I'm excited about dinner tonight.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.

What is that guy's secret with women?
Or has he got some deal with the devil?

I've narrowed it down
to either mind-controlling LSD or sorcery.

El Segundo School of Finance
has taught me...

...when you're trying to sell a house,
bake some cookies.

Make the place smell familiar.

Gonna do the same thing here,
except with gumbo.

Folks smell something cooking
in that Crock-Pot...

...make them wanna buy
the fool thing.

Need a volunteer.

You look like you've peeled
a few spuds in your day, Casey.

Hmm?

And I would've picked you if these
two dipsticks hadn't been faking sick.

Wash your filthy hands, boys.

Hey, uh, I'm cooking dinner tonight
for my family, Hannah.

And my special chicken pepperoni recipe
takes a little time to prep.

So I don't know how long the mission is,
but I need a hard-out by 5.

Hmm. I can give you
a hard-out with these five.

Get your priorities straight.

You okay in here?
- Yeah, yeah. I'll be out in a sec.

I see how that guy looks at you.

I bet he has no clue what to do
to a beautiful woman like you.

But I do.

I will take such good care of you,
sweetheart.

- All set.
- Quick thing I gotta do first.

Okay, ready when you are.

Hi.

- I missed those lips.
- What, these old things? Ha, ha.

I'm gonna be thinking about last night
when I'm on my install.

- What are you doing today?
- Yeah, same thing, install.

Big, huge, complicated, probably
faking my way through most of it.

But, hey, how about I come
and, uh, pick you up before dinner?

That's great.

Definitely a deal with the devil.

I am so lonely.

Come on.

I can pass for a cold-blooded killer,
right?

What happened to Rafe?

What? Imbecile can't go in alone.

Yeah, where am I going?

Chuck, Rafe wasn't going to meet
with your usual spies.

These guys
are a little more old-fashioned.

Heard a story of this cugine.
Whacked this guy during dinner.

The coroner couldn't tell between
the marinara and the mess. Ha, ha.

Hey, boss, somebody to see you.

Well, well, well. Rafe Gruber.

Your reputation precedes you.

This is my coworker.
You may call him John.

- Hey, how you doing?
- John doesn't talk much.

- I know you from somewhere?
- Doubt it.

When we had previous dealings
with our mutual friends...

...you had more trepidation
about letting us ID you.

Not many people
have seen my face and lived.

Consider it an honor.

Look, I'm not much for foreplay,
so forgive me if I'm rude.

- Who's my target?
- No one thinks this guy looks familiar?

- You got cousins in Philly?
- Nope.

You know, I'm a huge fan of your work.
Can I ask you something?

What was your toughest hit?

- You wanna know my toughest hit?
- Look, I was just asking.

- Take it easy, boss.
- You shut your mouth.

You think it's okay to ask a guy
something personal like that?

I really didn't mean no disrespect,
I swear.

This guy.

Your toughest assignment's
always your next one.

You forget that, and you die.

- You okay, Walker?
- Yeah, yeah.

It's just this alias thing,
it must be a lot for Chuck.

He's not a very good liar.

Listen to him.
He's completely living the lie.

I know, but he's not like you and me.

We are both used to living
somebody else's life.

- That's the job.
- Yeah, but where does the job end?

I can barely remember
who I am anymore.

I'm a busy guy, so, what's the name?

- Who do our friends want me to kill?
- Well, uh, the guy's name is...

I remember. You look like this hotshot
sniper I served with a while back.

Name Alex Coburn ring a bell?

- What are you trying to say?
- Simple. This guy isn't who he says he is.

Maybe he's some kind of fed.

Damn it. Casey's been made.
We need to get them out.

How are we supposed to do that
without getting everybody else killed?

We need that name
to know who The Ring wants dead.

Are you implying that this guy,
my guy, is a cop?

That's exactly what I'm saying.
So, what does that say about you?

If he's a cop...

...I'll kill him myself.

Do him, Rafe.

What are you waiting for?
Quit stalling.

Keep stalling. We need more time.
We're waiting for backup.

Time's running out. Kill him.

- I'm not a murderer, I'm an assassin.
- What's the damn difference?

What's the damn difference?
I don't kill because I like it.

I kill because it's a means to something.
In this case, information.

Information that I wouldn't get
from a dead guy, per your suggestion.

Now, you're gonna tell me.

Who's your informant?
Who's the leak?

Hmm. Why would I tell you anything?

- Sell it.
Wait.

I got something special
for occasions such as these.

Is this stuff sterile?

I take pride in my work.

I wanna kill him,
not some secondary infection.

- Ah.
- No.

Tell me what you know.

Show your hands!
Nobody move!

Up against the bar, now!

Behind your back.
Put them on your head!

Oh, my God, Sarah, I'm freaking out.
I've never been so happy to see you.

Stop. You're not you, you're Rafe.
Be him in this situation.

Think what he would do. Live the lie.

- Come on, move. We gotta split up.
- We'll contact you later.

- Rafe, you're incredible.
- Yeah, whatever. It's my job.

Good work, team.

Wow.

Bartowski really sold it, huh?

For a second,
I hardly even recognized him.

Guys, I needed a hard-out at 5.
How am I gonna get everything done?

I gotta cook dinner.
My apartment's a pigsty.

I gotta pick up Hannah,
take a shower....

- Where is everybody?
- Walker and Shaw knew...

...you were in over your head.
They went to fix dinner for you.

- They did, huh?
- Yeah, weird, huh?

Walker helping you get laid.

Um, hey, Casey, I'm....

- I'm sorry about your tooth.
- That's all right.

At least you got one with a cavity.
Saved me a trip to the dentist.

You did good work, Chuck.
Proud of you.

- You think you can be me?
You shut your mouth.

- Where are you taking Rafe?
- Interrogation.

- Just wish I could do it myself.
- You think you can be me?

Um, Case, back there on the mission,
I flashed on the name Alex Coburn.

- Who is that?
- You mind your own damn business.

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

Let's go eat.

I'm not gonna lie to you, boys.

- Bartowski is killing it with the ladies.
- I know.

First there was that hot girl
from Stanford...

Jill. Then the brunette
with the overpriced deli.

Lou. She was a fine,
miniature piece of woman.

And now Hannah.

I'd like to moisturize her feet
with my saliva.

Don't you get it?
None of them matter.

Chuck may try to replace her...

...but when he's with Sarah,
the light in his eyes shines brightly.

Damn onions.

Oh, knife.

Now, everybody,
keep your expectations low.

- I'm not Chef Boyardee.
Looking forward to hanging out.

I like this one, Chuck.

- Oh, my God, Chuck, this looks amazing.
- And smells amazing too.

Dude, I thought you worked all day.
How'd you find time to do this?

Um, you know, it's a juggling act.
No biggie. I just threw it together.

Uh, Devon,
you wanna help me with the wine?

Smells delish.

My taste buds
are fist-pumping each other, bro.

Red okay?

Listen, I didn't do any of this.

I didn't buy the cheese.
I didn't make the dinner.

- Thank God I can tell you the truth.
- Stop, stop. If you keep talking...

...I'm gonna have to lie to your sister.
I can't do that. I'm not cut out for this.

I'm not like you.

I'm sorry. I get it.
If Ellie asks you something, just say:

"I don't know." That's not a lie.

I lied. I'm a liar.

I have been telling you I love this dish,
and it's been horrible.

And now I can tell you honestly
that this is fantastic.

Oh, yeah.
I think you're just being polite.

- It's not really my best.
- No, it is.

Actually,
the others were quite horrible.

Devon,
can you believe that Chuck made this?

- I don't know.
I mean, isn't...?

Isn't this chicken moist?

Chuck's chicken?

- This chicken?
- Chuck's chicken.

Um....

Hannah, don't you think
Chuck's chicken is moist?

Actually, I, um... I'd like to make a toast.

Um, you know how in life there's always
something that just doesn't line up?

Like, um, either you're working
at the wrong job...

...or dating the wrong guy,
or you're eating some really bad meal?

Uh, but right at this second, I feel like
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

And I wanna thank all of you
for making me feel that way.

Hope dessert doesn't suck. Ha.

- Um, cheers.
Cheers.

I managed
to sneak us out some chicken.

I don't wanna brag,
but it turned out pretty good.

Oh, uh, no, thanks. I'm not hungry.

I'm clocking out.
Have you got this covered?

Uh, yeah.

This is cool. Is this new?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, a little perk of the job.
Just testing it out. Work thing.

Listen, I, um... I know this is fast.

But my parents are coming in
from Santa Barbara tonight for dinner.

- Oh.
- I wasn't going to ask you to come.

But since I got to hang out with
your family, I'd love it if you met mine.

Yeah, yeah,
I would love to meet them.

Bartowski,
I need your professional opinion.

Your latest little lady said
that you're some kind of cooking expert.

I need your palette's advice.

Uh, actually, my recipe last night
didn't really come together.

That's not what she said. She said she
couldn't wait to gobble up every bite.

Mouth as pretty as Hannah's?
She can taste the difference.

That's the mouth of a professional.

Hello. Burbank Buy More.

The flavor profile's not quite right.

I think it could use
Worcestershire sauce, maybe.

And, oh, is that frozen okra?

Good taste in women,
bad taste in food.

Jeffrey, if you double-dip,
we all may die.

- Who was that? What did they want?
- Um, it was a wrong number.

They were asking
for some guy named Rafe.

For... ? That's odd.
What did you tell him?

Um, I told them that this was
a Buy More phone, uh, but the guy just...

He wouldn't listen, and he kept saying
that he would be here in two minutes.

Oh, here.

Hi. Yeah.

What do you think you're doing
with that watch?

- I can explain.
- There is no explanation.

Give me this watch.

Bad-ass killer to own
such a piece-of-crap watch? Crazy.

So we bought you a little present.
Though "bought" is a very loose term.

Look at that, gold.

- Wow, it's very understated.
- What are you doing at Buy More?

- Getting some speaker wire to...?
- What do I look like, a workaholic?

A man's gotta have hobbies other than
murder. I was here browsing music.

Hey, you saved us
from getting pinched yesterday, huh?

- What a guy. Ooh, I could hit you.
- I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Never seen anything close
to what you pulled off, Rafe.

The trick is making it look easy.

You did us a favor,
and in turn, we did you a favor.

We tracked down the location
of the guy you're supposed to kill.

- Good news, huh?
- Good news?

That is very good news.

- Ah. Yeah, enough of that.
Ah.

- Oh, I'm sorry. If this is a bad time...
- Hey, Walker. Come on in.

Listen, Shaw, I just wanted to say, uh....

What?

Well, I... I came by to, um....

I'm sorry,
can you please put some clothes on?

Oh, yeah.

I wanted to apologize
for my behavior last night.

- No apology necessary.
- Okay.

Uh, well....

You still, uh...?

You okay with this whole
Chuck-Hannah thing?

Thank you for asking.

But that's not really the change
that I'm having trouble with.

So who's the mark?
Who am I taking out?

He's in the hotel room,
right over there.

Got a girl with him.
A real hot piece of tail.

- I think they're gonna plow.
- Perfect distraction.

- How am I supposed to see him?
- With this.

- Naturally.
- We hear you're one of five guys...

...that can make this shot.
It's over a half a mile away.

Well, apparently,
my reputation precedes me, again.

- Oh, my God.
What? What is it?

It's just really difficult
to see Chuck become a different person.

- That's the mission, Walker.
- No, it's not the mission, it's everything.

Talk to us, Rafe.
- It's how he pulled out Casey's tooth...

...and how he burnt that asset,
and the way he lies to Hannah.

I mean, it's so easy for him.

Chuck's changing.

- He's becoming a spy.
- I know, I know.

But lives are being affected here.

Sounds like he's not the only one
who's changing.

It's like I'm watching Chuck
disappear...

...and the further he gets
from who he is, the....

Take the shot, Rafe.

You can talk to me, Sarah. Go on.

The more I wanna remember
who I am.

Who I was before all of this.

Well, if this is you, I like you.
I want more.

I've been on this assignment
for almost three years...

...and I've never told anybody
my real name.

Not even Chuck?

No, not even Chuck.

So, what is it?

- What's happening? What's going on?
- Shut up.

Feels so weird to say it out loud.

- Yeah, you never seemed like a Sarah.
- That's because I'm not.

What is it, Rafe?

I'm Sam.

My real name is Sam.

Sam?

Well, I'm gonna kiss you now, Sam.

- Sam?
Sam?

Who's Sam? The guy you're supposed
to whack is Daniel Shaw.

The organization that had us
contract you thought Shaw was dead.

Turns out, he's just not dead yet.

This is the right guy, all right.

So who the hell is Sam?

Sam. Sam's the girl.

My girl. Sort of.

Me and Sam are on-again, off-again,
driving everyone in my life a little crazy.

I hate those
"will they or won't they?" things.

Just do it already.

If you and this girl love each other
so much, what's keeping you apart?

It's complicated.

- Came down to a question of work.
- What are you gonna do?

- You got your priorities straight.
- Right?

Plus, she's the one who's pushing me
to be better at my job.

Women. Screwed if you do,
not screwed if you don't.

Wait a second, the guy you're
supposed to whack is banging your girl?

- It sure seems that way, doesn't it?
- Huh.

Jeez, this unlucky guy
is about to get double dead.

Do we have a situation?

I tried contacting the agents transporting
Gruber. They're not responding.

- They checked in yet?
- No.

Damn it.

Get me Bartowski's
last known location.

What are you waiting on, Rafe?

There. That's better.

What's your problem, man?

- Ice him.
- I can't do it.

- A bullet's too good for this guy.
- Yeah.

You gotta look this jerk in the eye
before you cap him.

Yeah, yeah, my thoughts exactly.

- I'm going over there. You two stay put.
- Don't worry, Rafe. We got your back.

Anything weird goes down,
I'll take out the whole room.

I ain't a marksman like you,
but I make sure they're all dead.

Yeah, that's real good.

Come on.

Open the door!

- Unh!
What's going on?

Shut your mouth.
I'll deal with you later.

- What's your problem?
- My problem is that nobody messes...

...with Rafe Gruber.

They're watching us.

I'd like you to remove those.
- Oh, no, no.

These are the hands
that are gonna kill you, Shaw.

What are you doing?

You stole my girl.

I'm gonna end you for taking Sam.

You had your chance, and you blew it.

Who the hell are you? Aah!

Shaw, enough.

Would you stop already?
I'm trying to sell myself as Rafe.

They're across the street
with a sniper rifle. They're gonna kill us.

No, I'm gonna kill all of you.

Come on, flash.

Flash. Come on. Flash.

You're coming up here with me.
Come on. That's it.

That's it. Come here. Yeah.

- No, please don't.
- Ha-ha-ha.

You two got it bad for this blond.

Can't say I blame you. So I'm gonna
make it easy on both of you...

...take her out of the equation.

- No!
No!

Five people in the world
can make this shot, huh?

Guess I'm one of them.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um....

You said that I could come to you
if I ever needed to talk.

Yeah, I'm so glad.
Please, start at the beginning.

I feel like I'm living a lie, Ellie.

I used to be able
to compartmentalize these things...

...but it's like it's all the time now,
it never stops.

I feel like I'm not me anymore.

- I think I know what this is about.
- You do?

Maybe things are moving too fast
with Hannah.

And even though you really like her,
it feels dishonest...

...because the truth is
that you still have feelings for Sarah.

Does this sound about right?

See, this is, uh....

This is why I don't come talk to you,
Ellie, because you're half a spy.

- I'm sorry, Chuck, maybe that's not it.
- No, no, no.

What I mean by that
is that you are an excellent half a spy.

- Thanks.
- Anytime.

Hi.

Hi. I'm, uh... I'm Chuck.

Uh, can we talk for a second? Just over....

- Uh, yeah.
- Sorry.

Are you okay, Chuck?

What's the matter?

You know how much I like you, right?

What's wrong?

Hannah, there are things in my life
that you can't understand.

And I can't explain them to you.

I've been dishonest.

And it's not fair to you.

So I have to end this.

Because you deserve to be with someone
who you can know completely and....

You... I, um...

- I thought you were a nice guy.
- No, I am a nice guy.

No, you're not a nice guy.

We slept together last night,
and now you are dumping me.

- No, it's not like that.
- Then how is it? Explain it to me.

Look, I have dated a lot of liars before,
so I usually know how to spot them.

But you....

You're, like, the best I've ever seen.

I hope that your lies
keep you warm at night.

So now that The Ring knows
you're alive...

...looks like you're gonna be down here
for a while, so I bought you that.

It's a Crock-Pot. They're practically
giving them away at Buy More.

And just so you know...

...the Castle is outside
of Bamboo Dragon's delivery radius.

Thank you, Sam.