Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers (1988–1990): Season 2, Episode 13 - A Case of Stage Blight - full transcript
♪♪
♪ SOMETIMES
SOME CRIMES ♪
♪ GO SLIPPIN'
THROUGH THE CRACKS ♪
♪ BUT THESE TWO GUMSHOES ♪
♪ ARE PICKIN' UP
THE SLACK ♪
♪ THERE'S NO CASE
TOO BIG ♪
♪ NO CASE TOO SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO,
IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ ONCE THEY'RE INVOLVED ♪
♪ SOMEHOW WHATEVER'S WRONG
GETS SOLVED ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO,
IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ THEY'LL TAKE THE CLUES ♪
♪ AND FIND THE WHERES
AND WHYS AND WHOS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
THERE'S THE THEATER.
HURRY AND LAND.
ROGER, DALE.
ONE LANDING COMING UP.
COME ON!
WHAT'S THE BIG HURRY, DALE?
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
I DON'T WANT TO
MISS THE CARTOON.
HOPE IT'S THE ONE
WITH THE BIG DUMB DUCK.
UHH! UGHH!
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD BE
DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT
THAN GOING
TO THE MOVIES.
OH, CHIP. EVEN RESCUE RANGERS
NEED TIME OFF ONCE IN A WHILE.
BESIDES, THIS MOVIE IS RESEARCH.
IT'S GOT BATTLES
AND SWORD-FIGHTING
AND EVERYTHING.
HEY, WHERE'S ZIPPER?
THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START.
[SNIFFS]
AAH!
CAN'T STAND BEING
IN THE SPOTLIGHT, EH, ZIP?
AHH...
[PIANO PLAYING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
LET THE MASQUERADE BEGIN.
HEY, WHERE'S
THE MOVIE SCREEN?
♪ OH, CRUEL FATE ♪
♪ OH, SAD DAY... ♪
WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?
GOLLY, DALE.
THIS ISN'T A MOVIE.
NO KIDDING!
STRIKE ME STARKERS!
IT'S A BLOOMIN' OPERA!
GOSH, WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US
TO CULTURALLY
ENRICH OURSELVES.
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ AHH AHH AH! ♪
HA.
I HATE IT!
I'M GOING HOME
TO WATCH TV!
GOOD! I'LL STAY HERE
FOR SOME CULTURAL ENRICHMENT.
WELL, I DIDN'T SAY
I COULDN'T LEARN TO LIKE IT.
♪ IF ONLY HE WOULD RETURN ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY,
I'VE COME TO SAVE THE DAY! ♪
GET THAT PIRATE SCUM!
♪ FAIR MAIDEN ♪
♪ I HAVE RETURNED ♪
♪ AND NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING... ♪
WOWEE! WHAT A GUY!
♪ WILL PART US NOW ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS
ARE ONE ♪
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
♪ OUR LOVE ♪
♪ WILL LAST ♪
♪ FOREVER... ♪
AHH...
EW! MUSHY STUFF!
BUT THAT SWORD-FIGHTING
WAS GREAT!
DALE! SHH!
♪ LOVE AND PASSION ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ I WILL LEAVE YOU... ♪
CAN YOU SEE THEM?
DON'T CROWD ME, YOU IDIOT.
THEY'RE RIGHT BELOW.
HAND ME THE FILE.
♪ HANDS OFF, PIRATE SCUM ♪
♪ WHAT HO? ♪
♪ SHE IS THE KING'S
ONLY DAUGHTER... ♪
OH, BOY!
MORE SWORD-FIGHTING!
♪ LEAVE HER BE
OR FACE DEATH ♪
EN GARDE!
EN GARDE!
EN GARDE,
PIRATE SCUM!
YOU SAID IT.
UH-OH.
WHAT A HAM!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[SAWING]
HUH?
DALE!
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
THAT WAS
A CLOSE CALL.
I GUESS ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.
BUT IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT.
COME ON!
DALE, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT?
I WAS GREAT!
DIDN'T YOU
SEE ME?
THAT COULD HAVE
BEEN YOU.
[GROANS]
HEY! THOSE ARE THE GUYS
WHO CUT THE ROPE!
[CHATTERING]
CRIKEY,
THIS IS HEAVY.
THOSE LITTLE NIPPERS
ARE SURE STRONG FOR THEIR SIZE.
GOLLY! WE MUST BE
IN THE STORM DRAINS
UNDER THE CITY.
GET A MOVE ON, MONTEREY!
I'M GONNA SLICE
THOSE YELLOW-BELLIED
SCALLYWAGGERS TO RIBBONS!
HEY!
QUIT ROCKING THE BOAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WISH
WE COULD GO FASTER.
I HAVEN'T HAD
A RIDE LIKE THAT
SINCE ME WALLABY
HAD THE FIDGETING HICCUPS.
AHH! TOORALOO!
GOLLY! IT'S LIKE
WE'RE IN A WHOLE
OTHER WORLD.
BUT WHY WOULD THOSE LITTLE GUYS
WANT TO LIVE WAY DOWN HERE?
RENT'S PROBABLY
CHEAPER.
YOU PUTRID TOAD!
THAT OPERA SINGER
WOULD BE FLAT AS A CREPE
IF NOT FOR YOU!
ME? YOU JUST HURT MY HAND!
THIS IS HOW
YOU GET RID OF
A NO-TALENT ACTOR
LIKE CLARENCE DUDLEY.
OW! OOH! EEH!
OW! OUCH! OW!
NO, THIS IS HOW
YOU DO IT.
OUCH! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT! OW!
OH, THEY'RE NOTHING
BUT PINT-SIZED TWERPS.
I CAN TAKE 'EM.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
COME BACK HERE, DALE!
EN GARDE!
[GASPS]
EN GARDE, YOU SAY?
UNFAIR,
YOU NASTY RODENT!
I DON'T NEED THIS.
I'LL TAKE YOU BAREHANDED.
DON'T GET COCKY,
PALLY.
PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT THEM.
THIS IS THE BEST PART.
UGHH!
AHH!
HUH?
AH, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
COULD IT BE
AN AUDIENCE?
UH, I GUESS.
WE'RE THE...
[GULP]
RESCUE RANGERS.
OH, HOW MARVELOUSLY
INTRIGUING.
AND I...
[CLEARS THROAT]
AND I...
OH! LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MANAGEMENT
IS PLEASED TO PRESENT
FOR YOUR
HISTRIONIC PLEASURE...
THAT'S ONE CRACKED CROC.
THE SINGER, DANCER,
AND ACTOR EXTRAORDINAIRE,
SEWERNOSE DE BERGERAC.
WHY, THANK YOU,
EURIPIDES.
YOU ARE TOO KIND.
OF COURSE
HE'S TOO KIND.
YOU STINK!
AHH!
I GIVE HIM
THE THUMBS DOWN.
NO. THE THUMBS UP.
HIS MACBETH INTERPRETATION
IS BEYOND COMPARE.
ACK!
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SEWERNOSE?
CAN'T TAKE
CRITICISM?
I CAN, TOO!
CRITICISM ALLOWS
A PERFORMER TO GROW.
AFTER ALL,
I AM A PROFESSIONAL.
I HAVE STUDIED
UNDER THE GREATEST PERFORMERS
OF ALL TIME.
YEAH, ABOUT
30 FEET UNDER.
IT HASN'T BEEN EASY,
YOU KNOW.
BARELY OUT OF THE EGG,
I WAS CRUELLY TORN FROM MY NEST
IN THE LOUISIANA BAYOU
AND SENT TO A METROPOLITAN
PET SHOP.
YOU CAN IMAGINE
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE.
NO SOONER WAS I SETTLED
THAN I WAS AGAIN UPROOTED
WHEN SOMEONE'S MOTHER
FLUSHED ME--
YOU'LL EXCUSE
THE EXPRESSION--
INTO THE CITY
SEWER SYSTEM.
[SNIFFLES]
SO I MADE MY HOME HERE,
BENEATH THE THEATER.
BRAVO! BRAVO!
BRAVISSIMO!
REALLY MARVELOUS!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AAH!
YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW!
THE SHOW'S JUST BEGUN!
I WAS HOPING
YOU'D STAY
FOR A LITTLE
DINNER THEATER.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA!
WELCOME TO SEWERNOSE
DE BERGERAC'S DINNER THEATER.
[CHATTERING]
PAY THE RENT OR ELSE
I'LL BE FORCED TO SELL
YOUR FAVORITE DOG, SPOT.
[BARKING]
NO, NO, NOT MY
DEAR PUP SPOT.
OH, BOO-HOO!
BOO-HOO!
NEVER FEAR,
MADAM.
WE WILL SAVE YOU.
OH, THANK YOU,
KIND SIRS.
SO YOU THINK
YOU CAN SAVE HER, DO YOU?
I'LL TEACH YOU NUTHEADS
A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.
THOSE ARE
FIGHTING WORDS, SIR.
PUT UP YOUR DUKES.
HA HA HA! THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE A GOOD MELODRAMA!
AND THIS
IS NOTHING LIKE ONE.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT
WITH MY FRIENDS!
WHY YOU...
I'LL SHOW YA,
YOU OVERGROWN EXCUSE
FOR A LIZARD!
WHAT? STOP THAT!
THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
THAN TO PERFORM
DINNER THEATER WITH AMATEURS!
OH, WELL. WE'LL JUST
DISPENSE WITH THE THEATER
AND GO RIGHT TO DINNER.
[GASP]
GOLLY, MR. SEWERNOSE.
WE'RE SORRY WE'RE WEREN'T
VERY GOOD IN YOUR SHOW.
BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT US TO BE
AS WONDERFUL AS YOU!
WONDERFUL?
RIGHT. YOU'RE THE BEST ACTOR
WE'VE EVER SEEN!
YOU BETCHA. EVEN BETTER
THAN OLD CLARENCE DUDLEY.
HEAR THAT, BOYS?
PUBLIC RECOGNITION AT LAST!
I'M EXCITED SENSELESS!
I CAN SING RINGS
AROUND THAT NO-TALENT
FOOFINEGLE, CLARENCE DUDLEY!
AND TONIGHT, I WILL.
DUDLEY, TONIGHT YOU FACE
YOUR FINAL CURTAIN.
HA HA HA HA!
HE'S BATTIER
THAN A ROOM FULL OF
JAMAICAN FRUIT BATS,
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA ADMIT,
HE'S ENTERTAINING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
CANDYGRAM.
NO, THANK YOU.
MUST WATCH MY FIGURE,
YOU KNOW.
FLOWERS.
HEAVENS, NO!
MY HAY FEVER.
SINGING TELEGRAM.
HMM. HOW DROLL.
ENTREZ-VOUS.
♪ CLARENCE DUDLEY,
WHAT A STAR ♪
♪ A CELEBRITY
THROUGH AND THROUGH ♪
♪ YOUR EGO'S FAT,
BUT THAT'S OKAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I INTEND
TO EAT YOU ♪
AHH! NO!
NO!
VERY WELL.
ONE SHOULDN'T PERFORM
ON A FULL STOMACH ANYWAY.
AHH!
BUT I-- I HAVE
A PERFORMANCE TO--
GOLLY, WE CAN'T JUST
HANG AROUND AND DO NOTHING.
IT'S THE UNIFORM, MATES.
WOMEN GO CRAZY
FOR THEM.
COME ON!
WE'VE GOT TO
SAVE CLARENCE.
MAN, THIS THRONE'S
GETTING HEAVY.
OR MAYBE IT'S JUST
THE SIX CHILI DOGS
WE HAD FOR LUNCH.
NO SIGN
OF SEWERNOSE.
MAYBE WE
GOT HERE FIRST.
WE'D BETTER CHECK
CLARENCE'S DRESSING ROOM.
GIVE IT THE OLD EYEBALL,
ZIPPER.
[GROANING]
LOOKS LIKE WE'D BETTER
GET IN THERE.
ALLEY-OOP!
IT'S NO GOOD, GUYS.
I CAN'T REACH.
WELL, OF COURSE.
WHY DIDN'T I DO THAT
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
WHAT IS THIS,
20 QUESTIONS?
AAH!
OH, NO!
HE'S HEADED
FOR THE STAGE!
♪ MI MI MI MI ♪
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
[CONDUCTOR TAPPING BATON]
DO YOU SEE
SEWERNOSE?
AFRAID NOT.
YOU WOULDN'T THINK
AN ALLIGATOR
WOULD BE SO HARD
TO FIND.
WE GOTTA GET HIM
BACK INTO THE SEWER
BEFORE HE HURTS SOMEONE.
BUT HOW? HE'S TOO BIG.
LET THE MASQUERADE BEGIN.
♪ OH, CRUEL FATE ♪
♪ OH, SAD DAY ♪
♪ OH, THAT'S MY FATHER,
THE KING... ♪
TRY NOT TO CHOKE
OUT THERE, YOU
DESPICABLE LIZARD.
THANK YOU, VOLTAIRE.
YOU'LL BE MARVELOUS,
SEWERNOSE!
AH, EURIPIDES,
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU.
GO OUT THERE
AND KILL THEM!
DEPENDING ON THEIR REACTION,
I JUST MIGHT.
♪ ...FOR LOVE ♪
♪ AND ALL BECAUSE
HE'S A PIRATE ♪
♪ IF ONLY HE WOULD RETURN ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
♪ RETURN TO ME ♪
HA HA.
[CRASH]
HEY, WHAT'S WITH
DUDLEY'S NEW MASK?
IT'S BETTER
THAN LOOKING
AT HIS FACE.
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE COME
TO SAVE THE DAY ♪
IT WORKED ONCE BEFORE.
♪ I HAVE RETURNED ♪
♪ AND NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING... ♪
♪ WILL PART US NOW ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
AAH!
-OH, NO!
-COME ON!
WE'VE GOTTA KEEP HIM
ON THE STAGE!
ALLIGATOR?
AAH!
YIPE!
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.
I'LL HAVE YOU ALL FOR DINNER!
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
MY PART!
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
♪ OUR LOVE ♪
♪ WILL LAST ♪
♪ FOREVER ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH... ♪
ALMOST DONE,
GADGET?
JUST ABOUT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO GET SEWERNOSE
INTO THE FOUNTAIN.
NO PROBLEM.
♪ I WILL LEAVE YOU ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ HANDS OFF,
PIRATE SCUM ♪
♪ WHAT HO? ♪
♪ SHE IS THE KING'S
ONLY DAUGHTER ♪
♪ NOT YOURS
FOR THE TAKIN' ♪
♪ LEAVE HER BE
OR FACE DEATH ♪
EN GARDE!
OKAY, THAT DOES IT.
IT'S UP TO DALE NOW.
OH, I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE
BEEN A DOCTOR.
MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
HOW'S THAT, SEWERBREATH?
[SNORT]
CHILD'S PLAY!
I MEANT TO DO THAT.
COMIC RELIEF IS
ESSENTIAL TO DRAMA.
GET HIM
INTO THE FOUNTAIN!
ALL RIGHT,
YOU PIRATE SCUM!
IT'S TIME
YOU HAD A BATH!
ZOUNDS! I AM UNDONE.
YOUR FLASHY SWORD
AND RAPIER WIT
ARE TOO MUCH
FOR ME.
WAY TO GO, DALE!
YOU'RE FINISHED,
SEWERNOSE!
AH, BUT YOU FORGET...
I AM THE HERO
OF THIS PLAY.
[GULP]
OH, NO!
COME ON, LOVE!
NOW I'VE GOT AN IDEA!
AREN'T YOU OVERDRESSED?
NOW FOR A LITTLE
CHIPMUNK SHISH KEBAB.
GO AHEAD!
THEN TURN THE SWORD
ON YOURSELF!
RIGHT! YOU'VE ALREADY
HACKED THIS PLAY
TO RIBBONS.
BUT HOW?
I MEAN, I WAS GOOD.
I AM AN ACTOR!
YOU ARE THE BUFFOON.
YOU STINK,
YOU STINK, YOU STINK.
ET TU, EURIPIDES?
BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS
SO KIND TO ME.
LET HER RIP, ZIPPER!
[WHOOSH]
NO! NO, NOT THAT!
MAMA!
NO!
WELL, I GUESS SEWERNOSE
IS ALL WASHED UP
IN THIS TOWN.
YEAH, HE REALLY LET HIMSELF
GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
HA HA HA!
[END MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ SOMETIMES
SOME CRIMES ♪
♪ GO SLIPPIN'
THROUGH THE CRACKS ♪
♪ BUT THESE TWO GUMSHOES ♪
♪ ARE PICKIN' UP
THE SLACK ♪
♪ THERE'S NO CASE
TOO BIG ♪
♪ NO CASE TOO SMALL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HELP,
JUST CALL ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO,
IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ ONCE THEY'RE INVOLVED ♪
♪ SOMEHOW WHATEVER'S WRONG
GETS SOLVED ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ NO, NO,
IT NEVER FAILS ♪
♪ THEY'LL TAKE THE CLUES ♪
♪ AND FIND THE WHERES
AND WHYS AND WHOS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE'S ♪
♪ RESCUE RANGERS ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S DANGER ♪
♪ CH-CH-CH-CHIP
'N DALE ♪
THERE'S THE THEATER.
HURRY AND LAND.
ROGER, DALE.
ONE LANDING COMING UP.
COME ON!
WHAT'S THE BIG HURRY, DALE?
WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
I DON'T WANT TO
MISS THE CARTOON.
HOPE IT'S THE ONE
WITH THE BIG DUMB DUCK.
UHH! UGHH!
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD BE
DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT
THAN GOING
TO THE MOVIES.
OH, CHIP. EVEN RESCUE RANGERS
NEED TIME OFF ONCE IN A WHILE.
BESIDES, THIS MOVIE IS RESEARCH.
IT'S GOT BATTLES
AND SWORD-FIGHTING
AND EVERYTHING.
HEY, WHERE'S ZIPPER?
THE MOVIE'S ABOUT TO START.
[SNIFFS]
AAH!
CAN'T STAND BEING
IN THE SPOTLIGHT, EH, ZIP?
AHH...
[PIANO PLAYING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
LET THE MASQUERADE BEGIN.
HEY, WHERE'S
THE MOVIE SCREEN?
♪ OH, CRUEL FATE ♪
♪ OH, SAD DAY... ♪
WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?
GOLLY, DALE.
THIS ISN'T A MOVIE.
NO KIDDING!
STRIKE ME STARKERS!
IT'S A BLOOMIN' OPERA!
GOSH, WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US
TO CULTURALLY
ENRICH OURSELVES.
♪ AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ AHH AHH AH! ♪
HA.
I HATE IT!
I'M GOING HOME
TO WATCH TV!
GOOD! I'LL STAY HERE
FOR SOME CULTURAL ENRICHMENT.
WELL, I DIDN'T SAY
I COULDN'T LEARN TO LIKE IT.
♪ IF ONLY HE WOULD RETURN ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY,
I'VE COME TO SAVE THE DAY! ♪
GET THAT PIRATE SCUM!
♪ FAIR MAIDEN ♪
♪ I HAVE RETURNED ♪
♪ AND NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING... ♪
WOWEE! WHAT A GUY!
♪ WILL PART US NOW ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS
ARE ONE ♪
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
♪ OUR LOVE ♪
♪ WILL LAST ♪
♪ FOREVER... ♪
AHH...
EW! MUSHY STUFF!
BUT THAT SWORD-FIGHTING
WAS GREAT!
DALE! SHH!
♪ LOVE AND PASSION ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH ♪
♪ I WILL LEAVE YOU... ♪
CAN YOU SEE THEM?
DON'T CROWD ME, YOU IDIOT.
THEY'RE RIGHT BELOW.
HAND ME THE FILE.
♪ HANDS OFF, PIRATE SCUM ♪
♪ WHAT HO? ♪
♪ SHE IS THE KING'S
ONLY DAUGHTER... ♪
OH, BOY!
MORE SWORD-FIGHTING!
♪ LEAVE HER BE
OR FACE DEATH ♪
EN GARDE!
EN GARDE!
EN GARDE,
PIRATE SCUM!
YOU SAID IT.
UH-OH.
WHAT A HAM!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[SAWING]
HUH?
DALE!
[GASPS]
[GROANS]
THAT WAS
A CLOSE CALL.
I GUESS ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.
BUT IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT.
COME ON!
DALE, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT?
I WAS GREAT!
DIDN'T YOU
SEE ME?
THAT COULD HAVE
BEEN YOU.
[GROANS]
HEY! THOSE ARE THE GUYS
WHO CUT THE ROPE!
[CHATTERING]
CRIKEY,
THIS IS HEAVY.
THOSE LITTLE NIPPERS
ARE SURE STRONG FOR THEIR SIZE.
GOLLY! WE MUST BE
IN THE STORM DRAINS
UNDER THE CITY.
GET A MOVE ON, MONTEREY!
I'M GONNA SLICE
THOSE YELLOW-BELLIED
SCALLYWAGGERS TO RIBBONS!
HEY!
QUIT ROCKING THE BOAT!
ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WISH
WE COULD GO FASTER.
I HAVEN'T HAD
A RIDE LIKE THAT
SINCE ME WALLABY
HAD THE FIDGETING HICCUPS.
AHH! TOORALOO!
GOLLY! IT'S LIKE
WE'RE IN A WHOLE
OTHER WORLD.
BUT WHY WOULD THOSE LITTLE GUYS
WANT TO LIVE WAY DOWN HERE?
RENT'S PROBABLY
CHEAPER.
YOU PUTRID TOAD!
THAT OPERA SINGER
WOULD BE FLAT AS A CREPE
IF NOT FOR YOU!
ME? YOU JUST HURT MY HAND!
THIS IS HOW
YOU GET RID OF
A NO-TALENT ACTOR
LIKE CLARENCE DUDLEY.
OW! OOH! EEH!
OW! OUCH! OW!
NO, THIS IS HOW
YOU DO IT.
OUCH! STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT! OW!
OH, THEY'RE NOTHING
BUT PINT-SIZED TWERPS.
I CAN TAKE 'EM.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
COME BACK HERE, DALE!
EN GARDE!
[GASPS]
EN GARDE, YOU SAY?
UNFAIR,
YOU NASTY RODENT!
I DON'T NEED THIS.
I'LL TAKE YOU BAREHANDED.
DON'T GET COCKY,
PALLY.
PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT THEM.
THIS IS THE BEST PART.
UGHH!
AHH!
HUH?
AH, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
COULD IT BE
AN AUDIENCE?
UH, I GUESS.
WE'RE THE...
[GULP]
RESCUE RANGERS.
OH, HOW MARVELOUSLY
INTRIGUING.
AND I...
[CLEARS THROAT]
AND I...
OH! LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MANAGEMENT
IS PLEASED TO PRESENT
FOR YOUR
HISTRIONIC PLEASURE...
THAT'S ONE CRACKED CROC.
THE SINGER, DANCER,
AND ACTOR EXTRAORDINAIRE,
SEWERNOSE DE BERGERAC.
WHY, THANK YOU,
EURIPIDES.
YOU ARE TOO KIND.
OF COURSE
HE'S TOO KIND.
YOU STINK!
AHH!
I GIVE HIM
THE THUMBS DOWN.
NO. THE THUMBS UP.
HIS MACBETH INTERPRETATION
IS BEYOND COMPARE.
ACK!
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SEWERNOSE?
CAN'T TAKE
CRITICISM?
I CAN, TOO!
CRITICISM ALLOWS
A PERFORMER TO GROW.
AFTER ALL,
I AM A PROFESSIONAL.
I HAVE STUDIED
UNDER THE GREATEST PERFORMERS
OF ALL TIME.
YEAH, ABOUT
30 FEET UNDER.
IT HASN'T BEEN EASY,
YOU KNOW.
BARELY OUT OF THE EGG,
I WAS CRUELLY TORN FROM MY NEST
IN THE LOUISIANA BAYOU
AND SENT TO A METROPOLITAN
PET SHOP.
YOU CAN IMAGINE
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE.
NO SOONER WAS I SETTLED
THAN I WAS AGAIN UPROOTED
WHEN SOMEONE'S MOTHER
FLUSHED ME--
YOU'LL EXCUSE
THE EXPRESSION--
INTO THE CITY
SEWER SYSTEM.
[SNIFFLES]
SO I MADE MY HOME HERE,
BENEATH THE THEATER.
BRAVO! BRAVO!
BRAVISSIMO!
REALLY MARVELOUS!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AAH!
YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW!
THE SHOW'S JUST BEGUN!
I WAS HOPING
YOU'D STAY
FOR A LITTLE
DINNER THEATER.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA HA!
WELCOME TO SEWERNOSE
DE BERGERAC'S DINNER THEATER.
[CHATTERING]
PAY THE RENT OR ELSE
I'LL BE FORCED TO SELL
YOUR FAVORITE DOG, SPOT.
[BARKING]
NO, NO, NOT MY
DEAR PUP SPOT.
OH, BOO-HOO!
BOO-HOO!
NEVER FEAR,
MADAM.
WE WILL SAVE YOU.
OH, THANK YOU,
KIND SIRS.
SO YOU THINK
YOU CAN SAVE HER, DO YOU?
I'LL TEACH YOU NUTHEADS
A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.
THOSE ARE
FIGHTING WORDS, SIR.
PUT UP YOUR DUKES.
HA HA HA! THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE A GOOD MELODRAMA!
AND THIS
IS NOTHING LIKE ONE.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT
WITH MY FRIENDS!
WHY YOU...
I'LL SHOW YA,
YOU OVERGROWN EXCUSE
FOR A LIZARD!
WHAT? STOP THAT!
THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
THAN TO PERFORM
DINNER THEATER WITH AMATEURS!
OH, WELL. WE'LL JUST
DISPENSE WITH THE THEATER
AND GO RIGHT TO DINNER.
[GASP]
GOLLY, MR. SEWERNOSE.
WE'RE SORRY WE'RE WEREN'T
VERY GOOD IN YOUR SHOW.
BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT US TO BE
AS WONDERFUL AS YOU!
WONDERFUL?
RIGHT. YOU'RE THE BEST ACTOR
WE'VE EVER SEEN!
YOU BETCHA. EVEN BETTER
THAN OLD CLARENCE DUDLEY.
HEAR THAT, BOYS?
PUBLIC RECOGNITION AT LAST!
I'M EXCITED SENSELESS!
I CAN SING RINGS
AROUND THAT NO-TALENT
FOOFINEGLE, CLARENCE DUDLEY!
AND TONIGHT, I WILL.
DUDLEY, TONIGHT YOU FACE
YOUR FINAL CURTAIN.
HA HA HA HA!
HE'S BATTIER
THAN A ROOM FULL OF
JAMAICAN FRUIT BATS,
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA ADMIT,
HE'S ENTERTAINING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
CANDYGRAM.
NO, THANK YOU.
MUST WATCH MY FIGURE,
YOU KNOW.
FLOWERS.
HEAVENS, NO!
MY HAY FEVER.
SINGING TELEGRAM.
HMM. HOW DROLL.
ENTREZ-VOUS.
♪ CLARENCE DUDLEY,
WHAT A STAR ♪
♪ A CELEBRITY
THROUGH AND THROUGH ♪
♪ YOUR EGO'S FAT,
BUT THAT'S OKAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I INTEND
TO EAT YOU ♪
AHH! NO!
NO!
VERY WELL.
ONE SHOULDN'T PERFORM
ON A FULL STOMACH ANYWAY.
AHH!
BUT I-- I HAVE
A PERFORMANCE TO--
GOLLY, WE CAN'T JUST
HANG AROUND AND DO NOTHING.
IT'S THE UNIFORM, MATES.
WOMEN GO CRAZY
FOR THEM.
COME ON!
WE'VE GOT TO
SAVE CLARENCE.
MAN, THIS THRONE'S
GETTING HEAVY.
OR MAYBE IT'S JUST
THE SIX CHILI DOGS
WE HAD FOR LUNCH.
NO SIGN
OF SEWERNOSE.
MAYBE WE
GOT HERE FIRST.
WE'D BETTER CHECK
CLARENCE'S DRESSING ROOM.
GIVE IT THE OLD EYEBALL,
ZIPPER.
[GROANING]
LOOKS LIKE WE'D BETTER
GET IN THERE.
ALLEY-OOP!
IT'S NO GOOD, GUYS.
I CAN'T REACH.
WELL, OF COURSE.
WHY DIDN'T I DO THAT
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
WHAT IS THIS,
20 QUESTIONS?
AAH!
OH, NO!
HE'S HEADED
FOR THE STAGE!
♪ MI MI MI MI ♪
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
[CONDUCTOR TAPPING BATON]
DO YOU SEE
SEWERNOSE?
AFRAID NOT.
YOU WOULDN'T THINK
AN ALLIGATOR
WOULD BE SO HARD
TO FIND.
WE GOTTA GET HIM
BACK INTO THE SEWER
BEFORE HE HURTS SOMEONE.
BUT HOW? HE'S TOO BIG.
LET THE MASQUERADE BEGIN.
♪ OH, CRUEL FATE ♪
♪ OH, SAD DAY ♪
♪ OH, THAT'S MY FATHER,
THE KING... ♪
TRY NOT TO CHOKE
OUT THERE, YOU
DESPICABLE LIZARD.
THANK YOU, VOLTAIRE.
YOU'LL BE MARVELOUS,
SEWERNOSE!
AH, EURIPIDES,
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU.
GO OUT THERE
AND KILL THEM!
DEPENDING ON THEIR REACTION,
I JUST MIGHT.
♪ ...FOR LOVE ♪
♪ AND ALL BECAUSE
HE'S A PIRATE ♪
♪ IF ONLY HE WOULD RETURN ♪
♪ TO ME ♪
♪ RETURN TO ME ♪
HA HA.
[CRASH]
HEY, WHAT'S WITH
DUDLEY'S NEW MASK?
IT'S BETTER
THAN LOOKING
AT HIS FACE.
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ I'VE COME
TO SAVE THE DAY ♪
IT WORKED ONCE BEFORE.
♪ I HAVE RETURNED ♪
♪ AND NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING ♪
♪ NOTHING... ♪
♪ WILL PART US NOW ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
AAH!
-OH, NO!
-COME ON!
WE'VE GOTTA KEEP HIM
ON THE STAGE!
ALLIGATOR?
AAH!
YIPE!
EVERYONE'S A CRITIC.
I'LL HAVE YOU ALL FOR DINNER!
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
MY PART!
♪ WE WILL NEVER PART ♪
♪ OUR LOVE ♪
♪ WILL LAST ♪
♪ FOREVER ♪
♪ OUR HEARTS ARE ONE ♪
♪ AHH AHH AHH... ♪
ALMOST DONE,
GADGET?
JUST ABOUT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO GET SEWERNOSE
INTO THE FOUNTAIN.
NO PROBLEM.
♪ I WILL LEAVE YOU ♪
♪ NEVER ♪
♪ HANDS OFF,
PIRATE SCUM ♪
♪ WHAT HO? ♪
♪ SHE IS THE KING'S
ONLY DAUGHTER ♪
♪ NOT YOURS
FOR THE TAKIN' ♪
♪ LEAVE HER BE
OR FACE DEATH ♪
EN GARDE!
OKAY, THAT DOES IT.
IT'S UP TO DALE NOW.
OH, I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE
BEEN A DOCTOR.
MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
HOW'S THAT, SEWERBREATH?
[SNORT]
CHILD'S PLAY!
I MEANT TO DO THAT.
COMIC RELIEF IS
ESSENTIAL TO DRAMA.
GET HIM
INTO THE FOUNTAIN!
ALL RIGHT,
YOU PIRATE SCUM!
IT'S TIME
YOU HAD A BATH!
ZOUNDS! I AM UNDONE.
YOUR FLASHY SWORD
AND RAPIER WIT
ARE TOO MUCH
FOR ME.
WAY TO GO, DALE!
YOU'RE FINISHED,
SEWERNOSE!
AH, BUT YOU FORGET...
I AM THE HERO
OF THIS PLAY.
[GULP]
OH, NO!
COME ON, LOVE!
NOW I'VE GOT AN IDEA!
AREN'T YOU OVERDRESSED?
NOW FOR A LITTLE
CHIPMUNK SHISH KEBAB.
GO AHEAD!
THEN TURN THE SWORD
ON YOURSELF!
RIGHT! YOU'VE ALREADY
HACKED THIS PLAY
TO RIBBONS.
BUT HOW?
I MEAN, I WAS GOOD.
I AM AN ACTOR!
YOU ARE THE BUFFOON.
YOU STINK,
YOU STINK, YOU STINK.
ET TU, EURIPIDES?
BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS
SO KIND TO ME.
LET HER RIP, ZIPPER!
[WHOOSH]
NO! NO, NOT THAT!
MAMA!
NO!
WELL, I GUESS SEWERNOSE
IS ALL WASHED UP
IN THIS TOWN.
YEAH, HE REALLY LET HIMSELF
GO DOWN THE DRAIN.
HA HA HA!
[END MUSIC PLAYING]