Cheers (1982–1993): Season 4, Episode 25 - Strange Bedfellows: Part 2 - full transcript
Janet's civic election win has long occurred, and Sam and Janet are still dating. Outwardly, Diane should be relieved as her spoken fear was that Janet was just using Sam to score political points during the election. But Frasier calls Diane out on her true motivations, that being her romantic feelings for Sam. He also says that he does not see a future for Sam and Janet. On top of this, Diane overhears Sam admit to Janet that his longest relationship ever was with Diane, to which Janet responds that Sam should let her go professionally and thus personally. So Diane thinks she's going to beat him to the punch, and decides to resign before he can fire her. As she does so, she reneges as she feels she's giving Sam an easy out, betting him that he doesn't have the guts to fire her. As Sam and Diane argue about what to do about their professional relationship, there is always the underlying issue of their associated personal relationship. Meanwhile, Norm is having some issues at home, not with Vera, but Vera's visiting sister, the overtly sexual Donna.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, hey, I bet you can't guess
who I met at Janet's
house last night.
Sam, please.
This is really
getting out of hand.
In the month that
you've been dating
the lovely councilor eldridge,
you've done nothing
but drop names.
You'd think you'd never
seen a celebrity before.
So spare me your star-gazing.
Sam, Gary... Gary hart.
Gary hart! There he is.
Oh. Hey, senator.
Hi, Sam. You left your
coat in my car last night.
That's sweet of you.
To bring it by. Thank you.
The least I could do for
a trivial pursuit partner.
By the way, thanks for your
help with those sports questions.
Well, that's my strong point.
Thank you for helping
me with everything else.
That's my strong point.
Gary! What say you
park her down here,
and I'll buy you a brewski, huh?
Thanks. I think I'll
take a rain check.
In that case, you
can buy me one.
Just kidding, you
know... Sort of.
Sam, I'd better run.
Thanks. Good to see you again.
Yeah, thank you.
Thanks for dropping by.
Oh, my god! It's Gary hart.
Did you see Gary
hart? I saw Gary hart!
Senator Gary hart!
Could've-been-president
Gary hart!
Could-still-be-president
Gary hart!
It was Gary hart!
It was Gary hart!
I was just showing
you how silly it looks.
Please, don't do it again.
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Frasier, it was
awfully nice of you
to invite me out for a drink.
It's my pleasure,
Jim. I just couldn't bear
to see you so down in the dumps
after you lost the election
and thought this might
cheer you up a bit.
I-i-I'm sure it will.
Uh, Woody, uh...
Let me get a
scotch on the rocks.
Well, make that two.
Coming right up.
Say, aren't you that guy
that Janet eldridge
whipped in the election?
Woody.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess you just look like him.
Did that fleener guy take
a shellacking, or what?
Uh...
Jim, uh...
You have to look
on the bright side of this.
Yeah.
Well, for example,
what were the positive
things about your campaign?
Well...
Well, of course,
there was Diane.
Diane?
She was wonderful.
She was absolutely wonderful.
You know, a man could go far
with a woman
like that at his side.
In fact, now the
campaign is over,
I thought I might ask her out.
Well, I think that's wonderfully
open-minded of you,
considering her operation.
Wh-what operation was that?
She had a sex change operation.
Surely you knew?
Sex change?
No, I... I...
Diane?
Hi, frasier.
Jim, what are you doing here?
Diane. Diane, what a
courageous person you are.
What are you talking about?
A wonderful job they did.
Of course, now that I know,
I can tell the difference.
Well, I'm going to be going now.
Uh... bye, Diane.
It's great to see old
Jimbo again, isn't it?
Frasier, have you
been telling people
that I had a sex
change operation again?
No. He guessed.
[Wolf whistles]
Why, thank you, gentlemen.
You look nice,
too, miss eldridge.
Sammy, we didn't expect
to see you here today.
Well, Janet wanted
me to change my tie.
Why don't you sit down here?
I think the black one's
under the bar there.
I just wore this as a
kind of gag anyway.
Good one!
Do you want a white wine?
I'd love it.
Woody, would you do that for me,
and a club soda for myself?
Sure, Sam.
Hello, Sam.
Oh, hi.
My, going formal again.
You've logged a lot of hours
in a tuxedo lately.
Kind of getting used
to the old monkey suit.
You know, I never
realized until now
just how appropriate
that nickname is.
That's very funny.
My, aren't we a grumpy primate?
She's just jealous that
you're going to a party
at the mayor's
house, and she's not!
As a matter of fact,
I have a wonderful
evening planned.
My date Gregory and I
are going to the theater
and then to a late-night
supper and dancing.
Boy, does that
bring back memories.
Are you recalling a
similar evening, Woody?
No. I just remembered...
Your date called and cancelled.
He said that he had to
go on duty at the hospital
and that he was
really very sorry.
I'm sorry, too, sweetheart.
Oh, it's... It's ok.
Really.
It's not like I went out and
spent $312 on a new dress.
Then you'd really
feel dumb. Ha ha ha!
Evening, everybody.
Norm! Norm! Norm!
What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
My cheeks on this bar stool.
What's the problem, there, norm?
Trouble, cliffie,
with a capital "d."
Vera's younger sister
Donna is coming to visit.
She insists on prancing
around the house
wearing next to nothing.
She's always
exercising in front of me
in, you know, skimpy
little leotards and stuff.
She'll shower with
the door half open,
right in front of me.
I see your problem here.
Sounds like you got a case
of the frustrated
female over there.
I know just what to do.
We'll try a little
acuclavin on her.
Let me go get the car.
Thank you for
changing, Sam. I mean,
it did say on the
invitation "black tie."
Leash optional.
[Giggling]
Well, Diane...
The election is long over,
and you must be
tremendously relieved.
About what?
Remember you were so concerned
I would abandon Sam after
he'd served my political purposes.
Obviously, you were
wrong about Sam and I.
Wrong about Sam and me.
That, too.
Excuse me. Sam's waiting.
I'd love to belt you...
Welcome to the
losers club, baby.
Now that you've paid your dues,
here's your membership card.
Yeah, we're a pair, aren't we?
A couple of chumps that
life just kicked in the teeth.
And why am I talking
like Broderick Crawford?
Frasier, I know
you think I'm jealous
of Janet and Sam's relationship,
but I'm not.
I just don't want
to see him get hurt.
That's really
all there is to it.
I think you're kidding
yourself, Diane.
We both know the reason
you've been down
in the dumps lately,
but believe me,
there's no need to be.
Sam is not really
happy with that woman.
Just imagine the
mental strain it must be
trying to use the
right fork all the time.
Don't give up hope. I haven't.
You're a lovely man.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I wish there were some way
I could make you forgive me.
Well, marry me,
bear my children,
let me die in your arms.
I was thinking
more along the lines
of making fudge.
Well, I like your fudge.
Carla: Hey, Diane, I'm leaving!
Ok!
I'm gonna shut off the
light and lock you in.
Ok!
Don't forget to
cover the pool table!
Ok!
Make sure you pull your arms off
and stuff them down your throat!
Ok!
What did...
[door closes]
I'm sorry, honey. Let me just check,
make sure Woody remembered.
I know it's had you preoccupied.
You hardly slept a wink during
the mayor's entire speech.
Ha ha!
Oh, darn it, Woody!
I knew he'd forget.
He forgot to leave the
check for the beer man.
Or did I forget to tell him!
No. No. No. He forgot
to remind me to tell him.
That's what it was.
Did you have a good
time tonight, Sam?
I had a great time.
That was nice.
Yeah, nice in a
great sort of way.
By the way, wasn't it funny
running into one of
your old girlfriends
working for the caterer tonight?
Was that weird, or what?
What are the odds on that?
Very good, I'd say.
We run into your
girlfriends all over town.
I'd like to point out
we didn't see one
in the limo on the way home.
What's the longest relationship
you've ever had, Sam?
Well, let's see. I, uh...
I went out with one person
there for a whole year.
Mind if I asked who she was?
No, not at all. Anytime.
Oh!
You're asking now.
Uh... well, all right.
You're not going
to believe this.
Uh... nobody did.
I mean, I even have trouble
believing it.
It was Diane.
Unbelievable, huh?
No. Actually, it explains
quite a few things.
Well, that's...
That's Diane for you.
Unbelievable and
explaining things.
But anyway, that's...
That's all over now.
Since things are over
between you and Diane,
I wonder why she
continues to work here.
Well, she's got to
work some place.
Does she owe you money
that she's trying to work off?
No! No.
Would you lose
customers if she leaves?
No. As a matter of
fact, I'd probably get
a few back if I did let her go.
Sam, nobody said
anything about letting her go,
but as a matter of fact, you
might be doing her a favor.
Unless, of course,
there are still feelings left
between you two that
I should know about.
Don't be silly.
Of course not.
I'm glad to hear that.
You know how
much I care for you.
What are we doing
here? Let's go home.
Listen, don't worry about that.
Diane is probably
staying here because she thinks
that I can't do without her.
Sam. Yeah?
Do you really think
that talented,
bright, lovely woman
belongs in a bar,
serving drinks?
Uh... I guess not.
I mean, no, of course not.
Maybe she just needs
a friendly shove
out of the nest.
I hadn't thought about
that before in that way.
Sooner you do
it, sooner she'll be
out of this dead-end job
and on to something a lot
more meaningful in her life.
Yeah, I... Guess so.
Sam, what am I doing?
I'm not being honest.
The truth is...
I'm just not comfortable
with Diane working here.
I mean, you've
had a past with her.
And I'm as insecure as anybody.
Are you... Are
you saying that...
That you think I
should fire her?
Sam, it's not my business,
and I'm not trying
to interfere, but...
If I were you, I'd do it...
Right away.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Yes. Why not?
Yeah. Why not? I mean...
Tomorrow's as good
as any time, I guess.
Hey, Carla, is Diane here yet?
No, Diane is not here yet.
That is the third time
you've asked me that.
Why would you, or anyone
for that matter, want to see her?
Well, just curious. No reason.
Well, when she gets here,
I'll make an announcement, ok?
What's your problem?
Carla... has it ever
occurred to you
that Diane doesn't
really belong here?
You mean this
bar or this planet?
Either way, it's yes.
Sometimes I think
that this place just isn't
good enough for
somebody like her.
I mean, she's... A
cocktail waitress.
That's a dead-end job.
There's no future, no reward.
She... she's a junior
cocktail waitress.
You are a senior
cocktail waitress.
There's a big difference.
Listen, Sam, I know
what this is all about.
You're not really that serious
about this eldridge
babe, are you?
To tell you the truth, I
don't know how serious I am.
But I do know that I'm
having the best time of my life.
And as you know, my life
has been wall-to-wall fun.
She's smart, but
at the same time,
she doesn't make
me feel not smart.
I feel important when
I'm around her. I like that.
Oh, puke!
What?
Will you cut it out?
That is the sappiest
junk I've ever heard.
Look, you've proven your point.
You can go out with
classy dames like her.
You can go out with anybody.
Now, you've had your fun.
I want you to just
quit fooling around,
march right out there,
and find yourself an
airhead with big casabas.
What the heck has
gotten into you, Carla?
Sammy, it's just not right.
You are not a one-woman guy.
I mean, it's like the time
of your great sickness.
When I went out with Diane.
That's right.
You're starting
to get me worried.
No, no. No, no. You're nuts.
You're nuts, Carla.
When Diane gets
here, say something.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm! Norm! Norm!
Hey, Mr. Peterson.
Can I pour you a beer?
Ok, Woody, but be
sure to stop me at one.
Eh, make that 1:30.
So, uh, normie,
did Vera's sister Donna show?
Yeah, she showed,
all right, cliff.
She showed plenty.
Don't tell me
she's still prancing
around in her skivvies.
All right. Listen to this.
I have to go to the room
to get something, right?
So I knock... once,
twice. No answer.
So, in I go. Right?
There she is, sitting on the bed
doing her nails buck naked.
Buck?
Totally buck.
She tried to cover herself up,
but believe me, an Emery
board doesn't hide much.
My nerves are just frazzled.
I don't know what
I should do, cliffie.
Well... got you covered, normie.
You need to relax. Yeah, yeah.
That's it. Relax.
Right.
Yeah. Why don't you and I
go over to your house
and watch some tube?
[Telephone rings]
Cheers.
Just a minute.
It's for you, Mr. Peterson.
Oh, hey, miss chambers.
Hello, Woody.
Where's Sam?
He's in his office.
He's dying to see you.
Do you have an envelope
behind the bar, Woody?
Normie, you're as
white as a sheet.
What's cooking?
That was Vera. Her
aunt has taken sick.
She's has to go
to Springfield for a few days.
That leaves me home
alone with Donna.
Just, uh... Just
you and the siren.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, maybe
you can use that siren thing
to scare off your sister-in-law.
Hi, Diane.
Hello, frasier.
Oh. Say, what's
the matter with you?
Sam thinks he's
going to fire me.
But I'll have a little
surprise for him.
I'm resigning.
You're leaving cheers?
That's right.
Great! You can
come and work for me.
I need a new receptionist.
You have a
wonderful receptionist.
Mrs. Mcgrady has worked for you
and your family for 20 years.
Well, yes, but I caught
her on a typo the other day,
so she's history.
Thank you, frasier.
I don't think so.
Ok. But one word from you,
and that blue-haired head rolls.
[Knocks on door]
Is she here yet?
Oh.
Good. Good. You're just
the person I want to see.
Sweetheart, you
are far too bright,
talented, and lovely
to waste your...
Before you go any
further, read this.
Uh... all right.
Does this... Does this
mean you're quitting?
Isn't that what it clearly
states on page five?
But why? I mean, I
don't understand why.
My reasons are enumerated
here, above the graph.
Oh.
Oh, well, this... this is great!
I mean, it's not great.
It's awful, but I mean,
it's great for you,
don't you think?
I mean, it's probably best
for everybody in the long run.
Personally, I feel
awful about this.
I know what you
were going to do.
You were going to fire me.
What makes you say that?
Let's just say a woman knows.
You were going to fire me.
And what have I done?
I've made it easier for you.
People have always
made things easier for you.
Well, I'm not going
to let you off the hook.
I withdraw my resignation.
Fire me, if you can.
But I don't think
you have the guts.
After all we've gone through,
the good times and the bad,
I say you don't have the courage
to fire me to my face.
You're fired.
Too late! I resign.
No! You can't do that.
No. You took back
your resignation,
and you dared me to fire you.
You can't do that.
You're fired. I did it.
The last time we had an
official parting of the ways,
there was some question
as to who left whom.
That's why this time
I've gone to the trouble
of tendering my resignation
in the written form.
Legal precedent states
that the written document
always supersedes
the spoken word,
especially when
it's spoken by a goof.
Aw, fine! Fine! Who cares?
See you in the funny papers!
Oh, that's perfect.
The funny papers.
Don't say another word.
Let that be the last
utterance I remember.
And now I'm off,
to begin a new life.
I shall forget you in a trice.
Oh, a trice? Oh, please!
Let that be the last
word I hear from you!
You troglodyte!
That's even better!
Attention, everyone. May I
have your attention, please?
I have resigned.
I know this comes as a shock,
but I've decided
that I no longer fit
into the scheme of
things around here.
I go willingly, with
a gladful heart,
for it has been been
my pleasure to serve you
and my privilege to know you,
lo, these many years.
I shall miss you all,
but weep no tears
for Diane chambers.
She's tougher than you think.
She's going to be... Ok.
You bet she is.
So, this is good-bye.
For there's one thing I know...
You will never,
ever see me again.
Farewell.
Hey, look, everyone! It's Diane!
a live studio audience.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, hey, I bet you can't guess
who I met at Janet's
house last night.
Sam, please.
This is really
getting out of hand.
In the month that
you've been dating
the lovely councilor eldridge,
you've done nothing
but drop names.
You'd think you'd never
seen a celebrity before.
So spare me your star-gazing.
Sam, Gary... Gary hart.
Gary hart! There he is.
Oh. Hey, senator.
Hi, Sam. You left your
coat in my car last night.
That's sweet of you.
To bring it by. Thank you.
The least I could do for
a trivial pursuit partner.
By the way, thanks for your
help with those sports questions.
Well, that's my strong point.
Thank you for helping
me with everything else.
That's my strong point.
Gary! What say you
park her down here,
and I'll buy you a brewski, huh?
Thanks. I think I'll
take a rain check.
In that case, you
can buy me one.
Just kidding, you
know... Sort of.
Sam, I'd better run.
Thanks. Good to see you again.
Yeah, thank you.
Thanks for dropping by.
Oh, my god! It's Gary hart.
Did you see Gary
hart? I saw Gary hart!
Senator Gary hart!
Could've-been-president
Gary hart!
Could-still-be-president
Gary hart!
It was Gary hart!
It was Gary hart!
I was just showing
you how silly it looks.
Please, don't do it again.
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ takes everything you've got ♪
♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ sure would help a lot ♪
♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪
♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ people are all the same ♪
♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Frasier, it was
awfully nice of you
to invite me out for a drink.
It's my pleasure,
Jim. I just couldn't bear
to see you so down in the dumps
after you lost the election
and thought this might
cheer you up a bit.
I-i-I'm sure it will.
Uh, Woody, uh...
Let me get a
scotch on the rocks.
Well, make that two.
Coming right up.
Say, aren't you that guy
that Janet eldridge
whipped in the election?
Woody.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess you just look like him.
Did that fleener guy take
a shellacking, or what?
Uh...
Jim, uh...
You have to look
on the bright side of this.
Yeah.
Well, for example,
what were the positive
things about your campaign?
Well...
Well, of course,
there was Diane.
Diane?
She was wonderful.
She was absolutely wonderful.
You know, a man could go far
with a woman
like that at his side.
In fact, now the
campaign is over,
I thought I might ask her out.
Well, I think that's wonderfully
open-minded of you,
considering her operation.
Wh-what operation was that?
She had a sex change operation.
Surely you knew?
Sex change?
No, I... I...
Diane?
Hi, frasier.
Jim, what are you doing here?
Diane. Diane, what a
courageous person you are.
What are you talking about?
A wonderful job they did.
Of course, now that I know,
I can tell the difference.
Well, I'm going to be going now.
Uh... bye, Diane.
It's great to see old
Jimbo again, isn't it?
Frasier, have you
been telling people
that I had a sex
change operation again?
No. He guessed.
[Wolf whistles]
Why, thank you, gentlemen.
You look nice,
too, miss eldridge.
Sammy, we didn't expect
to see you here today.
Well, Janet wanted
me to change my tie.
Why don't you sit down here?
I think the black one's
under the bar there.
I just wore this as a
kind of gag anyway.
Good one!
Do you want a white wine?
I'd love it.
Woody, would you do that for me,
and a club soda for myself?
Sure, Sam.
Hello, Sam.
Oh, hi.
My, going formal again.
You've logged a lot of hours
in a tuxedo lately.
Kind of getting used
to the old monkey suit.
You know, I never
realized until now
just how appropriate
that nickname is.
That's very funny.
My, aren't we a grumpy primate?
She's just jealous that
you're going to a party
at the mayor's
house, and she's not!
As a matter of fact,
I have a wonderful
evening planned.
My date Gregory and I
are going to the theater
and then to a late-night
supper and dancing.
Boy, does that
bring back memories.
Are you recalling a
similar evening, Woody?
No. I just remembered...
Your date called and cancelled.
He said that he had to
go on duty at the hospital
and that he was
really very sorry.
I'm sorry, too, sweetheart.
Oh, it's... It's ok.
Really.
It's not like I went out and
spent $312 on a new dress.
Then you'd really
feel dumb. Ha ha ha!
Evening, everybody.
Norm! Norm! Norm!
What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
My cheeks on this bar stool.
What's the problem, there, norm?
Trouble, cliffie,
with a capital "d."
Vera's younger sister
Donna is coming to visit.
She insists on prancing
around the house
wearing next to nothing.
She's always
exercising in front of me
in, you know, skimpy
little leotards and stuff.
She'll shower with
the door half open,
right in front of me.
I see your problem here.
Sounds like you got a case
of the frustrated
female over there.
I know just what to do.
We'll try a little
acuclavin on her.
Let me go get the car.
Thank you for
changing, Sam. I mean,
it did say on the
invitation "black tie."
Leash optional.
[Giggling]
Well, Diane...
The election is long over,
and you must be
tremendously relieved.
About what?
Remember you were so concerned
I would abandon Sam after
he'd served my political purposes.
Obviously, you were
wrong about Sam and I.
Wrong about Sam and me.
That, too.
Excuse me. Sam's waiting.
I'd love to belt you...
Welcome to the
losers club, baby.
Now that you've paid your dues,
here's your membership card.
Yeah, we're a pair, aren't we?
A couple of chumps that
life just kicked in the teeth.
And why am I talking
like Broderick Crawford?
Frasier, I know
you think I'm jealous
of Janet and Sam's relationship,
but I'm not.
I just don't want
to see him get hurt.
That's really
all there is to it.
I think you're kidding
yourself, Diane.
We both know the reason
you've been down
in the dumps lately,
but believe me,
there's no need to be.
Sam is not really
happy with that woman.
Just imagine the
mental strain it must be
trying to use the
right fork all the time.
Don't give up hope. I haven't.
You're a lovely man.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I wish there were some way
I could make you forgive me.
Well, marry me,
bear my children,
let me die in your arms.
I was thinking
more along the lines
of making fudge.
Well, I like your fudge.
Carla: Hey, Diane, I'm leaving!
Ok!
I'm gonna shut off the
light and lock you in.
Ok!
Don't forget to
cover the pool table!
Ok!
Make sure you pull your arms off
and stuff them down your throat!
Ok!
What did...
[door closes]
I'm sorry, honey. Let me just check,
make sure Woody remembered.
I know it's had you preoccupied.
You hardly slept a wink during
the mayor's entire speech.
Ha ha!
Oh, darn it, Woody!
I knew he'd forget.
He forgot to leave the
check for the beer man.
Or did I forget to tell him!
No. No. No. He forgot
to remind me to tell him.
That's what it was.
Did you have a good
time tonight, Sam?
I had a great time.
That was nice.
Yeah, nice in a
great sort of way.
By the way, wasn't it funny
running into one of
your old girlfriends
working for the caterer tonight?
Was that weird, or what?
What are the odds on that?
Very good, I'd say.
We run into your
girlfriends all over town.
I'd like to point out
we didn't see one
in the limo on the way home.
What's the longest relationship
you've ever had, Sam?
Well, let's see. I, uh...
I went out with one person
there for a whole year.
Mind if I asked who she was?
No, not at all. Anytime.
Oh!
You're asking now.
Uh... well, all right.
You're not going
to believe this.
Uh... nobody did.
I mean, I even have trouble
believing it.
It was Diane.
Unbelievable, huh?
No. Actually, it explains
quite a few things.
Well, that's...
That's Diane for you.
Unbelievable and
explaining things.
But anyway, that's...
That's all over now.
Since things are over
between you and Diane,
I wonder why she
continues to work here.
Well, she's got to
work some place.
Does she owe you money
that she's trying to work off?
No! No.
Would you lose
customers if she leaves?
No. As a matter of
fact, I'd probably get
a few back if I did let her go.
Sam, nobody said
anything about letting her go,
but as a matter of fact, you
might be doing her a favor.
Unless, of course,
there are still feelings left
between you two that
I should know about.
Don't be silly.
Of course not.
I'm glad to hear that.
You know how
much I care for you.
What are we doing
here? Let's go home.
Listen, don't worry about that.
Diane is probably
staying here because she thinks
that I can't do without her.
Sam. Yeah?
Do you really think
that talented,
bright, lovely woman
belongs in a bar,
serving drinks?
Uh... I guess not.
I mean, no, of course not.
Maybe she just needs
a friendly shove
out of the nest.
I hadn't thought about
that before in that way.
Sooner you do
it, sooner she'll be
out of this dead-end job
and on to something a lot
more meaningful in her life.
Yeah, I... Guess so.
Sam, what am I doing?
I'm not being honest.
The truth is...
I'm just not comfortable
with Diane working here.
I mean, you've
had a past with her.
And I'm as insecure as anybody.
Are you... Are
you saying that...
That you think I
should fire her?
Sam, it's not my business,
and I'm not trying
to interfere, but...
If I were you, I'd do it...
Right away.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Yes. Why not?
Yeah. Why not? I mean...
Tomorrow's as good
as any time, I guess.
Hey, Carla, is Diane here yet?
No, Diane is not here yet.
That is the third time
you've asked me that.
Why would you, or anyone
for that matter, want to see her?
Well, just curious. No reason.
Well, when she gets here,
I'll make an announcement, ok?
What's your problem?
Carla... has it ever
occurred to you
that Diane doesn't
really belong here?
You mean this
bar or this planet?
Either way, it's yes.
Sometimes I think
that this place just isn't
good enough for
somebody like her.
I mean, she's... A
cocktail waitress.
That's a dead-end job.
There's no future, no reward.
She... she's a junior
cocktail waitress.
You are a senior
cocktail waitress.
There's a big difference.
Listen, Sam, I know
what this is all about.
You're not really that serious
about this eldridge
babe, are you?
To tell you the truth, I
don't know how serious I am.
But I do know that I'm
having the best time of my life.
And as you know, my life
has been wall-to-wall fun.
She's smart, but
at the same time,
she doesn't make
me feel not smart.
I feel important when
I'm around her. I like that.
Oh, puke!
What?
Will you cut it out?
That is the sappiest
junk I've ever heard.
Look, you've proven your point.
You can go out with
classy dames like her.
You can go out with anybody.
Now, you've had your fun.
I want you to just
quit fooling around,
march right out there,
and find yourself an
airhead with big casabas.
What the heck has
gotten into you, Carla?
Sammy, it's just not right.
You are not a one-woman guy.
I mean, it's like the time
of your great sickness.
When I went out with Diane.
That's right.
You're starting
to get me worried.
No, no. No, no. You're nuts.
You're nuts, Carla.
When Diane gets
here, say something.
Afternoon, everybody.
Norm! Norm! Norm!
Hey, Mr. Peterson.
Can I pour you a beer?
Ok, Woody, but be
sure to stop me at one.
Eh, make that 1:30.
So, uh, normie,
did Vera's sister Donna show?
Yeah, she showed,
all right, cliff.
She showed plenty.
Don't tell me
she's still prancing
around in her skivvies.
All right. Listen to this.
I have to go to the room
to get something, right?
So I knock... once,
twice. No answer.
So, in I go. Right?
There she is, sitting on the bed
doing her nails buck naked.
Buck?
Totally buck.
She tried to cover herself up,
but believe me, an Emery
board doesn't hide much.
My nerves are just frazzled.
I don't know what
I should do, cliffie.
Well... got you covered, normie.
You need to relax. Yeah, yeah.
That's it. Relax.
Right.
Yeah. Why don't you and I
go over to your house
and watch some tube?
[Telephone rings]
Cheers.
Just a minute.
It's for you, Mr. Peterson.
Oh, hey, miss chambers.
Hello, Woody.
Where's Sam?
He's in his office.
He's dying to see you.
Do you have an envelope
behind the bar, Woody?
Normie, you're as
white as a sheet.
What's cooking?
That was Vera. Her
aunt has taken sick.
She's has to go
to Springfield for a few days.
That leaves me home
alone with Donna.
Just, uh... Just
you and the siren.
Hey, Mr. Peterson, maybe
you can use that siren thing
to scare off your sister-in-law.
Hi, Diane.
Hello, frasier.
Oh. Say, what's
the matter with you?
Sam thinks he's
going to fire me.
But I'll have a little
surprise for him.
I'm resigning.
You're leaving cheers?
That's right.
Great! You can
come and work for me.
I need a new receptionist.
You have a
wonderful receptionist.
Mrs. Mcgrady has worked for you
and your family for 20 years.
Well, yes, but I caught
her on a typo the other day,
so she's history.
Thank you, frasier.
I don't think so.
Ok. But one word from you,
and that blue-haired head rolls.
[Knocks on door]
Is she here yet?
Oh.
Good. Good. You're just
the person I want to see.
Sweetheart, you
are far too bright,
talented, and lovely
to waste your...
Before you go any
further, read this.
Uh... all right.
Does this... Does this
mean you're quitting?
Isn't that what it clearly
states on page five?
But why? I mean, I
don't understand why.
My reasons are enumerated
here, above the graph.
Oh.
Oh, well, this... this is great!
I mean, it's not great.
It's awful, but I mean,
it's great for you,
don't you think?
I mean, it's probably best
for everybody in the long run.
Personally, I feel
awful about this.
I know what you
were going to do.
You were going to fire me.
What makes you say that?
Let's just say a woman knows.
You were going to fire me.
And what have I done?
I've made it easier for you.
People have always
made things easier for you.
Well, I'm not going
to let you off the hook.
I withdraw my resignation.
Fire me, if you can.
But I don't think
you have the guts.
After all we've gone through,
the good times and the bad,
I say you don't have the courage
to fire me to my face.
You're fired.
Too late! I resign.
No! You can't do that.
No. You took back
your resignation,
and you dared me to fire you.
You can't do that.
You're fired. I did it.
The last time we had an
official parting of the ways,
there was some question
as to who left whom.
That's why this time
I've gone to the trouble
of tendering my resignation
in the written form.
Legal precedent states
that the written document
always supersedes
the spoken word,
especially when
it's spoken by a goof.
Aw, fine! Fine! Who cares?
See you in the funny papers!
Oh, that's perfect.
The funny papers.
Don't say another word.
Let that be the last
utterance I remember.
And now I'm off,
to begin a new life.
I shall forget you in a trice.
Oh, a trice? Oh, please!
Let that be the last
word I hear from you!
You troglodyte!
That's even better!
Attention, everyone. May I
have your attention, please?
I have resigned.
I know this comes as a shock,
but I've decided
that I no longer fit
into the scheme of
things around here.
I go willingly, with
a gladful heart,
for it has been been
my pleasure to serve you
and my privilege to know you,
lo, these many years.
I shall miss you all,
but weep no tears
for Diane chambers.
She's tougher than you think.
She's going to be... Ok.
You bet she is.
So, this is good-bye.
For there's one thing I know...
You will never,
ever see me again.
Farewell.
Hey, look, everyone! It's Diane!