Cheers (1982–1993): Season 4, Episode 24 - Strange Bedfellows: Part 1 - full transcript

This is a story of old relationships and new relationships with a little politics thrown in. Sam and Diane, still in the rocky period following Diane Chambers day at the opera, are trying to ignore each other romantically and one-up each other with the passion of their respective dates. Frasier is celebrating the first anniversary of Diane leaving him at the altar by spewing venomous words in Diane's direction, although deep in his heart he still loves her. Thrown into this mix is beautiful City Councillor Janet Eldridge, who comes by the bar on her re-election campaign tour. Diane, who is politically at odds with the Councillor, is spurred to work on the campaign of Janet's opponent, Jim Fleener. Asking for volunteers to work on the Fleener campaign, Diane gets Frasier, who has no idea who Jim Fleener is or what he stands for but who just wants to spend time with Diane. Unlike Diane, Sam gets along very well with Janet, who he starts to date. Diane is suspicious of Janet's intentions, thinking that Janet is only pursuing Sam to have a handsome local celebrity on her arms to boost her visibility and approval amongst the voters. It doesn't hurt either that Sam is Irish. But Diane is also concerned about the possibility of her relationship with Sam being quashed with Janet now in the picture.

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Oh!

Oh, boy, that's the third
time you beat me, Mike.

I guess I owe you another beer.

That's ok. I got to run.

I'll take a rain check
on that one, huh?

Lost again, huh?

I don't know what's
the matter with me.

Seems like that guy just
has my number, you know?

Forget about it. Next
time he comes in here,

just challenge him to
some Italian arm wrestling.



I never tried that.

Give me your arm.

Ok. I'm gonna pull
as hard as I can,

and resist me with
all your strength.

All right.

Go.

Wow, I beat Carla! Ha!

And I'm not even Italian.

♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪

♪ takes everything you've got ♪

♪ taking a break
from all your worries ♪

♪ sure would help a lot ♪

♪ wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪



♪ where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ and they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ you wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ you wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ you wanna go
where people know ♪

♪ people are all the same ♪

♪ you wanna go where
everybody knows your name ♪

You wine them, you dine them,

tell them how pretty they are,

buy them fancy presents,

finally get up the nerve to
ask one of them to marry you.

What do you get
for all your trouble?

Squat!

Doc, I thought you'd

pretty much gotten over
that Diane problem of yours.

It's not as serious
as it sounds.

This is the one-year anniversary

of the dat Diane
deserted me at the altar.

To repress my bitterness

would be detrimental
to my recovery.

So on this day, and
on this day alone,

I'm going to spew out my venom

and exorcise the blonde demon

that haunts my soul.

Well, uh... Happy anniversary.

Holy moly, guacamole,

terre haute, Indiana.

I wouldn't throw
her out of my bed

for eating crackers.

Mm-hmm. Why else
would she be there?

Yeah, that's... That's
very humorous, normie,

in light of the fact that a
leading women's magazine

just recently completed a survey

which showed that postmen are

the most desired
lovers right after rock...

Rock stars and heart surgeons.

You know what they
say down the p.O.

Postmen deliver... daily.

We... we had this
conversation before, norm?

Cliffie, we've had every
conversation before.

Boy, when people start finishing

each other's
sentences, they're...

Spending far too
much time together.

Say, Woody, let me
have another beer.

Did you hear the
one about the...

Shepherd and the parrot?

That was a good one.

I had a very nice time tonight.

Me, too.

Well, if it isn't
kitten with a whip.

Sam: Ha ha ha! That's funny.

Uh-oh.

Oh, Sam. I'd like
you to meet Brian.

Brian, this is Sam.

And, uh...

This is April.

April, that's Brian.

Hi.

And I'm obviously,
I guess, Diane.

Oh, right. Yeah.

So you two have a good time?

Oh, very nice. Very nice time.

We had a great time.

Yeah. We had a fabulous time.

It was just a movie
and a burger afterwards.

But what a film,

and the ground beef
was excellent... very lean.

I want to thank for
giving me a ride home.

That's a great
car you got there.

Brian has a wonderful car,
too, and it gets excellent mileage.

Yeah? What kind of
mileage do you get?

35 on the highway,
26 around town.

32 and 24.

Sorry.

I'll give you a call.

Well, thanks again.

Good night.

What a putrid display.

You know, people come here
to relax and enjoy themselves.

They don't want to
look at that. Do you?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is sick.

Brian has a big-screen TV.

April has a satellite dish.

You are so childish.

Excuse me. Are you the owner?

Yeah. Sam Malone.
What can I do for you?

Phil schumacher, campaign
manager for Janet eldridge.

She's running for
reelection to city council.

The councilor is
just down the street

on a walking
tour of the district.

Would it be all right if she
came in here to meet the folks

and perhaps answer some
questions for the newspaper reporters?

Sure. Why not?

Great. Thanks a lot, Sam.

How about that? We're a
stop on the old campaign trail.

Oh, Sam, you're
so politically naive.

Janet eldridge is an
old-money conservative

who consistently supports
big business interests

over badly needed
social programs.

She's a real
political opportunist.

If she's that bad, I'll have
her out of here in a flash.

Ladies and gentlemen,
councilor Janet eldridge.

She's got until Christmas.
Then she's out of here.

I could use your support
in the upcoming election.

Yeah, right.

You got fame, money,
power, and looks.

What you need I ain't got.

I need your vote.

I need a man, but
you don't see me

going around bars
begging for one.

I give. I know when
I'm overmatched.

I'm glad I'm not
running against you.

She's smooth.
I'll give her that.

Sam, I'd like you to
meet councilor eldridge.

Councilor, this is...

Mayday Malone needs
no introduction to me

or anyone else in this town.

I was a big fan of yours
when you pitched for the sox.

I think you're just wonderful.

Well, it's mutual.

You're a fan of the councilor's?

No. I think I'm wonderful, too.

Norm: Well, Sammy...

Unless these tired old
eyes are deceiving me, pal,

there's something going on
between you and the councilor.

Yeah? No, no, no.

Watching that
woman work this room

has brought me to a decision.

You decided to work
it, too, for a change?

I am going to campaign

for Janet eldridge's opponent
in the coming election.

Is that right?

I voted for him before,

but he really needs my help now.

Would anyone like to
join me in this campaign,

working side by side untiringly

to carry James
fleener to victory?

I would! James fleener is

the finest man to enter
public life in the last decade.

I'd be honored to work for him.

All right. He needs
all the help he can get.

Who the hell is James fleener?

Boy, oh, boy, is
miss eldridge pretty.

Back home in Hanover,

everybody on the town
council has a paunch

and smokes big, smelly cigars.

Don't you have any women
on the town council there?

Yeah.

Sammy, I've been noticing,

she just can't take
her eyes off you.

Are you going to
ask her out or what?

What are you talking about?

Look at her.

She's a good woman,
Sam. She deserves it.

Eh, I don't know.

Politics makes strange
bedfellows, Sam.

So do you and
anyone or anything.

Sammy, I guess she's
a little out of your league

when you come
right down to it, huh?

What's the matter, Sam?
She too much for you?

No. I just don't
think it's a good idea

to hop into bed with someone
who can raise my taxes.

Councilor eldridge will
take a few questions now.

Jerry baker, Boston star.

Councilor, do you
support the effort

of the so-called
Grant Avenue coalition

to overturn the city
council's rezoning

of that neighborhood
for commercial use?

I voted in favor of rezoning
and would do so again.

My reasons are a
matter of public record.

No, I do not support them.

Clifford c. Clavin, u.S. Postal
service, south central branch.

In view of the carnage taking
place on our postal routes,

are you in favor of
beefing up our leash laws

to include life imprisonment
for the canine offenders?

I think that's a bit drastic,

but I am in favor of
doing all we can to support

our overworked and
underpaid postal carriers.

You do a wonderful job.

That woman has got my support.

And I will deliver
you the postal vote.

Too bad it will be to
the wrong address.

My name is Diane chambers,
and I have a question.

Do you work here?

How come no one ever knows that?

Yes. I am a waitress
and proud of it.

In a work ethic kind of way.

Councilor, you have been
accused of being out of touch

with your constituency.

Do you expect this little stroll

through the neighborhood

to make up for four
years of neglect?

Hold on... it's all right.

Miss chambers, I represent

every one of the
people in my district.

If I don't get out and talk
with them as often as I'd like,

it's because I'm in my
office or at council meetings

or in conference with civic and
business leaders 16 hours a day.

I've never missed a vote in
my four years on the council,

and if I'm elected again, I
intend to work even harder

for the people I am
privileged to represent.

[Applause]

Good, Diane. You
got her on the ropes.

Tom Edwards, Boston sentinel.

Excuse me. I think this
gentleman had his hand up first.

Yeah. I'm not a
reporter, I'm just a voter,

but I have a very
important question here.

Do you like Chinese
food, and if so,

and have you ever
eaten it in the bathtub?

Yes, and, uh... No comment.

In that case, I have
a follow-up question.

What are you doing for
dinner Thursday night?

The offer is very
tempting, Mr. Malone,

but I will have to
respectfully decline.

The campaign keeps me very busy.

I understand.

What I won't give up

for the people of this district!

Phil: Thank you all,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

[Applause]

Hoo, look at that, norm.
She shot Sammy down.

Impeachment proceedings
should begin immediately.

She may be out of touch
with the common man,

but she can sure
spot a common roach.

Sam.

Yeah.

This is Janet's private number.

She wants you to call her.

Guys, Janet's
private number here.

All right, Sammy!

[Chanting "Sammy, Sammy"]

Fleener, fleener!

Oh. Fleener, fleener!
Sammy! Sammy!

[Chanting continues]

Say, Diane...

Hmm?

Did you happen to hear that Sam

is going out with councilor
eldridge again tonight?

I believe I heard
something like that.

Did you know it was for dinner
at the governor's mansion?

I recall someone mentioning it.

Did they also mention that

they were going in a limousine?

A limo?

Not a limo.

A limousine.

So, um...

What are you doing
tonight, Diane?

Frasier and I are
going canvassing

for Jim fleener in
the neighborhood,

and then we're stuffing
mailers into envelopes later on.

Well! That sounds like fun, too!

Ha ha ha ha!

Evening, everybody.

Norm! Norm! Norm!

Diane: Norman.

What's happening, Mr. Peterson?

The question is, Woody,

why is it happening to me?

You're a little late,
normie. Where you been?

I was at Hurley's market.

I took Vera out for a
little grocery shopping,

then a little dinner.

Gee, that's nice, Mr. P.
Where did you go to dinner?

Hurley's market.
They're giving out

those little sausage
samples on toothpicks.

By the way, guys,
for your information,

a dozen appears to
be the cutoff number.

Whoo! Whoo!

So, did you hear that I'm going

to the governor's
place tonight for dinner?

Yes. There was
a rumor in the air...

Back when there was air.

[Coughing]

You got a second?

Listen, uh, you know
that ice cream stuff

they serve in the
middle of dinner there?

Is it ok... sorbet.

Sorbet, right. Sorbet.

Um... is it ok if I were to ask

for chocolate sauce with that?

I think it's wise not to.

All right, all right.

And for god's sake,
remember that a bowl

of warm water with
a slice of lemon in it...

I know, I know.

It's a finger bowl.
It's not lemon soup.

You know something?

Nobody would've know that
time if you hadn't screamed.

You certainly have been at

the councilor's
Beck and call lately.

I never thought I'd see you

so controlled by a woman.

What happened to the Sam
Malone who once said to me,

"hey, we're gonna do
what I want from now on."

I left him in a restaurant
with a face full of fettuccine.

That doesn't mean
I didn't like him.

"Wim with Jim"?

I thought it up.
It's very joycian.

If that means stupid, I agree.

Frasier, put the box
in the back, please,

and you if you're looking
for something to do,

you can start
stuffing the envelopes.

I've been stuffing
all day, Diane.

Frankly, the task has lost its
considerable power to charm me.

Frasier...

That's a defeatist attitude!

We don't need quitters
on the fleener team.

Sam, you're on TV!

Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Nice-looking threads, Sam.

Janet picked out the suit.

She really knows what
looks good on me, too.

TV: That is the
strength of the city.

[Click]

[Cheering]

Carla, even though
we have our differences

and we're frequently at odds,

there's one thing we very
much have in common.

We both like Sam.

And I'm concerned about him.

I think he might get hurt

by this liaison
with Janet eldridge.

Yeah, you're right. He's
having a lot of laughs

and a hot time with
a beautiful woman.

The man is a glutton
for punishment.

This is no romp, Carla.

It's more serious than that.

And the worst part is
that she's just using him.

I mean, it all adds up.

He's an outstanding
sports figure, he's attractive,

and in this town, it
doesn't hurt that he's Irish.

He's a vote-getter. So what?

So when the election is
over, it's "so long, Sam."

I think he's really
going to be hurt by this.

That's so what.

You are full of beans.

Women come and
women go in Sam's life.

He's having a few
grins, and I can prove it.

Hey! A word over
here, heartthrob.

Coming at you.

Cliffie. Cliffie.
I got this one.

You know, Sammy,
I've been thinking,

you have got a great setup

with this eldridge babe.

You're going to all
these high-tone parties,

meeting a lot of fancy people,

driving around in big
cars, and the best thing is,

you're getting to
do to a politician

what they been
doing to us for years.

You know, Carla, sometimes
you got a lousy sense of humor.

Sorry.

A few grins, Carla?

Whoa! Boy, you look fabulous.

Thank you. So do you.

Thank you. Listen...

I am famished here.

Do you know what kind
of sorbet are they serving?

I was curious about that myself.

Before we go, I have to
make a couple of phone calls.

May I use your office?

You bet. Right
under the whale there.

Look at the size of that limo!

Hey, uh... Your excellence?

Does it have a TV?

Yes, it does. Go take
a look at it if you want.

Oh! Hot dog!

Oh, boy, huh?

The exuberance of
youth, huh, normie?

Yeah. Wide-eyed and innocent.

I guess those days are
long gone for you and me.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, Edith. I'll
talk to you tomorrow.

Bye-bye.

I'm sorry to interrupt,
councilor eldridge.

Please, call me Janet.
What can I do for you?

It's Diane, isn't it?

Yes.

I'm speaking on behalf of
everyone here at cheers,

and I would just like to say

that we're all very fond of Sam,

and frankly, we're a
little worried about him.

We wouldn't like
to see him get hurt.

What are you getting at?

Janet, I've made no secret

of my opposition
to you politically.

But let's retract our
claws for the moment,

shall we?

Let's stop hissing
at each other.

Do you have a problem with cats?

No.

But it's the consensus
of opinion around here

that you're using
Sam to get reelected

with total disregard
for his feelings,

and we don't think that's
a very nice thing to do.

I see.

Well, I'll be honest
with you, Diane.

That's exactly why
I started seeing him.

Aha. So, I...

We were right.

Well, I'm warning you,

I have some influence with Sam.

Yes, I know. He thinks
a great deal of you.

Anytime I wanted
to... He said that?

Yes. He mentions you often,

and Sam is a man of few words.

Well, he only knows a few.

Ha ha ha!

Yes. He is a simple
man in many ways,

but I think that's his strength.

I never met anyone
who didn't like him.

Well, good. But I
don't understand

why we're standing
here chatting so enjoyably

when you just admitted
that you're using Sam.

That's not what I said, Diane.

You didn't let me finish.

Please.

When I first started seeing Sam,

perhaps I had ulterior
motives in mind,

but my attitude toward him

has changed dramatically.

I've learned that Sam has
something pretty special.

I've never experienced
with any other man

the feeling I have
when I'm with him.

When we're at a
fundraiser or something,

I'll watch him across the room,

talking with some people,

and sometimes a
feeling comes over me

so strong...

That it nearly makes me ache.

God...

I sound like a silly schoolgirl.

That's the truth.

Does that make you feel better?

It certainly does.

I'm awfully glad we
put this matter to rest.

You like Sam...

And Sam likes you.

No one's going to get hurt.

Well, wack to burk.

Oh, you're really good.

You almost had me fooled there.

But I don't believe
a word you said.

When this campaign is over,

Sam is going to
last about as long

as your campaign promises.

Well, back to work.

[Applause and
cheering on television]

Janet: I would like to thank
each and every one of you.

This is a victory for all of us.

[Cheering]

Well, not quite all of us!

Uh...

I-I-I guess that's about...

I guess that's about it. Thanks.

Thanks, Diane,
for all your help.

Nobody ever worked
harder for me than you.

In fact, I think you worked

harder than I did.

You did your best.

That's all that matters.

Say, listen, did you
know you're out of liquor?

Janet: Now I would like to
bring up a man without whom

I would not be
standing here tonight.

Sam... Sam, would you
let Phil through, please.

Sam: Oh! Yeah.

Aha!

My campaign manager,
Mr. Phil schumacher.

And this guy has been

such a tremendous help
to me in this campaign.

I'm sure he needs
no introduction.

But for those ladies in the audience
who would like an introduction,

you're not going to get one.

That was my last chance.

Looks like I blew it.

Me, too.