Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 17 - Lucky Charmed - full transcript

- Thanks, Suzie.
- Sure, Phoebe.

You've never done this before,
have you?

Hey, online dating, I mean.

Oh, no, I have.
I have, a couple of times.

It's just... It's not my favourite way
to meet people.

- Really, why not?
- Oh, I don't know.

It's just very impersonal,
you know. Too planned.

Well, I have to say, I've... I've met
quite a few interesting women online.

Really? More interesting
than you tend to meet in person?

What's this?

Oh, I'm doing an article
on Internet dating.



Wait. Your profile said
that you were looking for romance.

Yeah. Yeah, it... It did.
And l... I kind of am.

It's just...
My new boss put me up to this.

I didn't really wanna do it.

I'm sorry. You mad?

No. No, not at all.

I still have high hopes
for this evening.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Just hiccups.

You wait right here.

No, no, no. Pat Benatar
cannot cancel on me.

I won't be able to replace her
by this weekend.

- Piper.
- Look, I know I didn't call to confirm,

but I was busy creating life, okay?



Look, just let me talk to Pat.
I know she'd understand, really.

Hello? He hung up on me,
that little cretin.

My date is a demon.

What? That guy?

- But he's so hot.
- Yeah, hot as in flames-of-hell hot.

I had a premonition.
He devours his victims. I'm next.

- Freeze the room.
- My sister, the demon magnet.

Witches. Damn it.

Thank you.

Now, if you don't mind, I have to
get back to going bankrupt.

Scratch that. I have to get back
to fighting with my husband.

- Oh, another fight?
- Yeah, well, you know.

New parents, two-career couple,
all that kind of stuff.

We'll figure it out. Now, you gonna
come home with me

or you gonna try
and salvage this evening?

No. I think my luck has run out.

Greensleeves was my heart oF gold

And who but my
Lady Greensleeves

Yeah, who but my
Lady Greensleeves

Alas, my love, you do...

A little down on my luck, sir.
Could you spare some change?

God bless you.

Greensleeves was all my joy

Greensleeves was my delight

Greensleeves was all my joy

Begging your pardon, sir.
I meant no disrespect.

I'll just be on me way.

You know what I hate most
about leprechauns?

You're all cowards.
You don't deserve your gift.

And it'll be my pleasure to take it
from every last one of you.

Tough break, Paddy.

You're just the cutest little
Wiccan thing I ever did see.

Yes, you are.

Hot, hot, hot.

Leo! Freaking ever-useless Elders.

What is taking them so long?

- What? What'd he do, what'd I miss?
- Oh, no, it's not Wyatt.

It's a poem that this guy...

At least I hope it's a guy.
- Just e-mailed me.

I thought you didn't like
the online dating thing.

- Oh, believe me, I don't.
- I'm confused.

Okay, look. I can schedule in
five minutes for a sisterly chat,

but then I gotta go.

I cannot schedule in sisterly chat.

I'm telling you, you got
four minutes and 55 seconds.

- Hi.
- Perfect timing, we were just chatting.

- Anything you need to talk about?
- No, I'm good.

- Good, more time for you. Shoot.
- No, I don't need to talk.

It's not like I have any desire
to go meet this Cyrano 73.

It was just research for that
stupid article Jason made me do.

You said his name without swearing.

Does that mean things
are going better at work?

- Oh, no, he's still driving me crazy.
- Didn't he just give you a raise?

Yeah, but that was just a bribe
so I wouldn't quit.

A woman of principles.
I admire that.

- Gotta go.
- Oh, no.

- Damn it. What happened?
- Bye, baby, I love you.

- Tell her, you got three minutes.
- My sweater shrunk.

Come on,
you've worn tighter things than that.

That is not the point.

The demon blood is not coming out.

I can't keep replacing
all my good clothes.

I'm running out of my savings.

Sister, you are preaching
to the choir.

Yeah, well, at least you've got a job.

You know, I cannot afford
to keep paying for this.

Unless

magic reimburses me.

Hello? Personal gain,
consequences.

Do I need to remind you
of the big-boob fiasco?

No, my back still hurts.

Don't worry, I won't do
anything stupid.

Paige, wait. What are you doing?

- Piper, we've got problems.
- Yeah, I know. You're late,

- and it's your turn to watch the baby.
- Not marital problems.

Demonic ones.

- What's taking him so long?
- Patience, Jada. He'll be here.

Maybe we should try
a little target practice

while we wait.

I'd appreciate it
if you didn't kill my pets.

- Where have you been?
- Gathering nuggets.

My last two.
Do you want them or not?

- Name your price.
- No price.

All I ask is your allegiance in my bid
to take over the Underworld.

Consider this my grassroots effort
at gaining support.

What makes you think
you can buy our support?

Because in exchange, I'll give you
everything you ever dreamed of.

Do we have a deal?

- But how do we know it worked?
- Trust me. It's your lucky day.

And there it is.

Sorry, can't.

Okay, remember,
just the messenger.

Why do I have the feeling
Jason Dean's name

- is about to be mentioned?
- He had a few

thoughts
on your Internet dating article.

And he wants the rewrite
by tomorrow.

I'm sorry.

There is nothing wrong with this.

Actually, there is.
Didn't you see all the red?

Look, this was your idea.

I didn't wanna write the article
in the first place.

And that's how it reads.

Okay, just because
I didn't wanna write it

doesn't mean
that I didn't do my best.

Is that so? Because it's an article
about online dating,

yet you somehow
devoted four paragraphs

to this week's meteor shower.

Well, I think meteor showers
are romantic, okay?

And quite frankly,
a lot less dangerous.

Just because you've had
some bad experiences

doesn't mean they're all bad.
Besides, you're a reporter.

- You're supposed to be unbiased.
- Okay, I am an advice columnist.

And a very biased one,
especially when it comes to romance.

Oh, and you know all about romance,
do you?

Well, I know what women like.

- Do you, now?
- Yes. We like eye contact.

Hello?

Yeah. And conversation
where you could actually see

the other person's lips moving
and long, late-night walks.

And... And candles and roses...

You don't think you can get that
over the Internet?

No, I don't. I think you can get
CDs over the Internet,

books, a purse maybe,

- but not a date.
- You got any plans later?

You do now.
I'm taking you on assignment.

- What? Where? Why?
- To prove something to you.

Six o'clock sharp. I'll pick you up.

There ain't no other option.
If we stay, he'll come for us all.

But abandoning our realm would
mean abandoning the world as well.

Who'd give out the luck?

That's the bloody world's problem,
if you ask me.

I'm for saving our necks.

There's more than just our necks
at stake here.

Sure, fine.

But we're no good to anybody
if we're dead. Right?

What are we, a bunch of cowards?

Don't forget,
we speak not just for ourselves,

- but for each of our tribes as well.
- Aye.

And I say we stay
and fight the demon.

Fight?
But we ain't got no way to fight him.

- You know that, Shamus.
- That ain't true.

If we all pool our good luck,

then we just might luck into
a way to get rid of him.

Bollocks! Luck's unwieldy.
There's no predicting what it may do.

Who knows, we may end up
even enraging the demon more.

We don't have a choice.

Our place in the world
is at stake here, Finnigan.

Our lands are being plundered.

And our race may be annihilated
by the devil himself.

But we are leprechauns.

Our blood flows green
and our hearts beat gold.

And we can cower in the shadows
no longer.

We must use our luck
to find the light.

- Are you with me, laddies?
- Aye!

Aye! Aye!

Personal loss
Should not be mine

Restore this sweater
And make it Fine

I can't wait to try this
on my credit rating.

You sure that's a good idea?

Wyatt, you should tell your daddy
to not spy on Auntie Paige.

We're only here because his mother
is worried about you.

- Should we be?
- No.

- I'm just settling a few debts, is all.
- By using magic?

Even Wyatt knows
that's breaking the rules.

Listen, Wyatt wouldn't be here
if you hadn't broken the rules.

Okay, that was different.
You know it.

That is a stupid rule,
and so is the one that says

I have to take a vow of poverty
in order to be a full-time witch.

Listen, I'm not trying to get rich quick,
I am just making up for my losses.

But, Paige, please.

Piper and I have enough
to deal with right now

without the consequences
of some spell you cast.

Well, listen, if you and Piper
weren't so busy

sniping at each other all the time,
maybe you would feel differently.

We weren't sniping. We...

Nice try, change the subject.

Paige, there's more important things
going on right now.

The Elders say the good
has been going through

a curious string of bad luck lately and
demons are getting the upper hand.

Maybe you can try working on that.

I have the perfect spell for that.

I just wrote it
to get out of my own predicament.

"'To Find Good Luck':

Finances have run amuck

Creditors I soon must duck

Paige, that's for personal gain.

I cast a spell to Find good luck

And hope my liFe will cease to suck"

Don't tell your mommy
about this, okay?

A witch. It's about bloody time
help got here.

I was beginning to think our luck
wasn't working no more.

- Who are you?
- Shamus Fitzpatrick.

At your service, ma'am.

What am I doing here?
I was just looking for a bit of luck.

So were we.
Our magic must have intersected.

And none too soon, I might add.
We need your help.

We? Who's "we"?

Why, leprechauns.

Leprechauns. Of course. Why would
I think there'd be anything other

than leprechauns needing my help?

Gotcha!

Leprechaun!

Ever date a little person?

- We gotta get out of here.
- Allow me.

Hold onto your knickers, darling.

- Is that...?
- Me very own.

Lucky you.

It's not just gold. It's magic.

Pure luck.
That's what you're looking at.

Of course, it's just a spark
to get things started.

The rest is up to the recipient.

See, leprechauns are like bees.
They pollinate the world with luck.

Sometimes the seeds don't stick,

but other times they grow
into full-blown hot streaks.

Right?

What she said.

See, now can I have some luck?
I think I've earned it.

- Be careful. Not all luck is good.
- She's right.

A nugget can go either way,
depending on our intention.

So you hand out bad luck as well?
Wouldn't that make you evil?

Watch your tongue. How'd you like it
if I started saying witches are evil?

Leprechauns might be tricksters,
but they're definitely not evil.

Like it or not,
the world needs bad luck.

It keeps the natural order in balance.

Finally, a man with a solid head
on his shoulders.

Bad luck helps people
just as much as good luck.

Maybe even more so.

Because of adversity, people learn.
They grow.

Sorry, it's probably Cyrano.

And this must be the demon Saleel.

Yep, that's the wanker all right.

Says here
he's just a low-level reptile demon.

We can vanquish him with a potion.

Great, let's get rid of him
so I can find a band.

I think finding a band
might be easier for you, honey.

- Says here he's pretty elusive.
- You're darn right he is.

Otherwise, we would have heaped
a load of bad luck on him by now.

As it is, we never know
when he's gonna strike.

That's probably what the Elders
are worried about.

Saleel's been stealing the leprechauns'
gold and giving it to other demons.

But maybe with a little good luck
you witches can put a stop to that.

No, we don't need luck.
We're gonna do it our way.

Your way may not work.

Are you with us, dear?

Or are you writing
love notes to your boyfriend?

What is this,
a coven or a daycare centre?

- I got it.
- Don't forget to sanitize the nipple.

People, we're running out of time.

Do I need to start crying like a baby
to get some action around here?

I'm sorry, but my little guy
comes before your little guys.

Yeah, well, without a little luck,

my little guys aren't gonna last long,
lassie. So let's try it my way.

What happened?
What did you just do to me?

Why don't you find out for yourself.

- You're Pat Benatar.
- Oh, good, a fan. What a relief.

- This is my husband, Neil.
- Sorry to bother you.

Our car broke down outside
and our cell phone is dead.

Just our luck, right?
Listen, can we use your phone?

We'd really owe you.

To die for, aren't they?

Mr. Demon. Sorry, all yours.

There was a witch in your realm.

Did you little rodents
run to her for help?

No, I swear. All we did was
pool our good luck.

Of course. Then you must have
lucked into a Charmed One.

Which means the power of three
will be coming for me.

Well, if leprechaun luck
got me into this mess,

I'm quite certain
it can get me out as well.

Yes, let me go
and I'll show you where mine is hid.

That's okay,
I know how to find it.

Who do they think they're fooling?

No one's gonna go anywhere
on those things.

It's just something pretty
for the baby to look at.

Pretty? You humans.

The minute you see a few colours,
you get all excited.

Rainbows aren't for looking at.

If they were,
they wouldn't be invisible.

Rainbows aren't invisible,
we can see them.

Aye, when it rains maybe.
But they're in the skies all the time.

It's how we get around.
We light them up with our shillelaghs.

- That how you find your pots of gold?
- And also our realm,

our home.

What's left of it anyway.

Pat Benatar is in the kitchen
on the phone with her manager,

rearranging her schedule
so she can play at P3.

I am so sorry I doubted you.

Just like a woman.
You have to give them a gift

to get anything in return.

Okay, this is not working.
I can't find Saleel.

That's because we need
something of his to make it work.

What you need is luck, and lots of it.
Not just the spark I can give you.

But the kind you build from.
By taking risks,

- getting yourself on a serious roll.
- A serious roll, huh?

I think I know exactly where I can
get one of those. Hit me.

All right, ready to go?

- Go where?
- Come on, sis.

Come on, where?

Hey. Hey, where's me kiss?

Women.

Well, how about you, darling?

Why not.

For me?

Who's it gonna be?
George Clooney?

Justin Timberlake?

You ready to go?

- That did not work.
- Bollocks! It always works.

- So I take it you don't wanna go out?
- No, you know, it's funny. L...

I can't. Because my cousin
came into town,

and he needs help
with his other cousins.

Oh, don't make a fuss about me.

You two just go out
and have a good time now.

But I really have to stay here
and help you with your problems.

- You two are cousins?
- Yes, we are very distant cousins.

And it's about to get
a lot more distant

if you don't let me
handle this situation.

Well, I would let you handle it
if you weren't handling it all wrong.

You need to go, take some risks
and leave the rest up to luck.

Look, I don't wanna
get in between family stuff,

but it seems as if your cousin
has got it all under control.

- So let's go.
- Oh, good idea.

Where's Piper?

Oh, she had to go.
But she'll be back.

Say, how've you been, Shamus?
Long time.

Don't even try it, Neil.
I already hit you with me best shot.

That's all you get.

And seven. Winner, seven.
Come on, winner, seven.

Paige, there must be $50,000 there.

Sixty is more like it.
But Shamus said to take big risks.

Here we have the craps table,

we've got slots,
we got the big-wheel thingy.

- We can't lose.
- Okay, maybe we should think

- about quitting while we're ahead.
- Quitting?

You girls can't quit.
We're in the middle of a streak here.

Same lucky shooter.
Same lucky shooter coming on a roll.

Piper, I cannot ignore a cowboy.

Besides, I feel something really big
is about to happen.

We just have to hold on
and wait for it.

All right, come on now,
baby needs a new pair of shoes.

And by "baby," I do mean me.

Somebody's smoking.

Will you marry me? Because
that's how much I love you now.

Simmer down, buckaroo.

Look, I've gotta get back
to the actual baby.

And we need to be using
this winning streak to find Saleel.

Oh, just one more roll.

Okay, fine. But we are
not betting it all,

because I can send Wyatt
to college with this.

Listen, the bigger risks we take,
the more luck we have.

Just watch this.

Two. Crap, two. Snake eyes.
Line away.

Where did our luck go?

Snake eyes, that's it.
That's what we've been waiting for.

- No, but we lost everything.
- No, we didn't.

I just figured out a way
to find the demon...

- stration. Demonstration.

She knows what I mean. Come on.

Okay, what are we doing here?
Because I really need to get home.

This shouldn't take very long.

But then again, you're pretty stubborn,
so maybe it will.

Oh, wait a minute. I am stubborn?
I'm stubborn?

- Then what are you?
- Stubborn.

And a control freak.
And pretty arrogant sometimes.

You really know how to take the fun
out of a fight, now, don't you?

Look around.
Tell me what you see.

Why don't you tell me
what you want me to see?

Okay, fine.

I see lots of couples,

and they're kissing and drinking
and dancing.

What I don't see is the point.

Oh, hey, get a room.

Look, this is exactly my point.

Love doesn't bloom
through modems and hard drives.

And, no, that is not a euphemism.

What if I told you all these people
met over the Internet?

Right. Like you would have
any way of knowing that.

I would if I had, say,
started and sold

an online-dating service
a few years ago.

Maybe established an evening
one night a week

for people to get together and meet
in a safe environment like this.

Wait. So you brought
all of these couples together?

They brought themselves together.

My company just made it
a little easier for them.

It's a complicated world, Phoebe.

People have a hard time
finding each other in it.

And even when they do

they sometimes
don't act on their feelings

because they're too afraid.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I admit, online dating isn't perfect.

There are people who use it
for all the wrong reasons.

But most people
are just looking for love.

Just like the rest of us.

Like the rest of us?

You need to get started
on that rewrite.

Snake eyes? So what? I don't get it.

Well, Saleel is a reptile demon,
so we can use them to scry for him.

See, I told you it was good luck.

I guess, but couldn't snake eyes
have been a winning roll too?

You really want it all, don't you?

Well, even luck doesn't bring you
everything on a silver platter.

You have to work
at some things too.

- Hey, did you find the demon?
- Well,

the vanquishing potion is done,
so we're almost there.

- Where's Leo?
- Passed out with the baby, poor guy.

He's more worn out than I am.

So how'd you do?

You must have developed
quite a streak by now.

Yeah, did you win the lottery?

Ed McMahon show up at your house
with a big check?

- Actually, no. Nothing happened.
- What? That's impossible.

Did you take any risks?
Get lucky with that fella?

- What fella?
- I think he's talking about Jason.

And, no, I did not get lucky.
Not that I would want to anyway.

The burned child dreads the fire, eh?

No.

People, we just got lucky.

Maybe it took "snake eyes"
a bit too literally.

- That would be bad luck, right?
- No.

This is.

Oh, no, he's soured your luck.
Hurry, throw the potion!

- Now, what are the odds of that?
- Don't worry. I'll fix this.

Not so fast, little man.

That's my rainbow now.

Charmed Ones, my ass.

We couldn't even save one
leprechaun, let alone all of them.

Well, it wasn't
for lack of trying, Paige.

Yeah. Well, still,
Saleel is a low-level demon.

You know, we had luck on our side,
we had magic, we should have been...

- You all right?
- You okay?

No, I am not all right.

I was supposed to help Shamus,
and instead, I got him killed.

Paige, we were struck by lightning.
We could've never seen that coming.

How am I supposed to help them
when even Mother Nature

- is against us?
- Okay, well, I can't get there right now

so you're gonna have to handle it
yourself. Call an electrician.

There's a power failure at the club.
We're shut down for the night.

Do you have any idea how much
money we're about to lose?

What the hell is happening?

Seems like a bad-luck streak,
and it's picking up steam.

Well, it can't get much worse
than being struck by lightning.

Oh, no?
How about being hit by a meteor?

Take Wyatt out of here.

- But l...
- No. No arguing. Just orb, okay?

You were the only one
that wasn't cursed with the bad luck.

- He's safe with you.
- All right.

Well, I'll take him to Uncle Elders,
he'll be safe there.

- Didn't they ask you not to do that?
- Yeah. But...

...screw them.

All right, we're gonna
have to turn our luck around fast.

Paige, can you use that spell of yours
to find more leprechauns?

No, they pooled their luck
just to make it work.

I wish we knew how to get this thing
to make a rainbow.

Okay, well, since we can't do that,

we're gonna have to turn our luck
around the old-fashioned way.

A little determination, some positive
thinking, a little faith, a little...

As you were saying?

What are you doing?
How dare you summon us.

It's time to pay your debt to me.

I need you to kill the Charmed Ones,

get them off my back
so I can go after more leprechauns.

You're crazy.

- Wait. Let's hear him out.
- I've cursed the witches with bad luck.

Which means
they're vulnerable now.

They should be easy pickings
for you.

If that's the case, why don't you
take them out yourself?

Because they'll be ready for me.

But they won't be ready for you.

Plus...

...I can guarantee that luck
will be on your side.

I got it. I got it. I got it. L...

Okay.

- Vanquishing potion done?
- Well done.

- What happened?
- Big fire.

Did you find anything?

Yeah, I went rummaging
through stuff,

and I found a rabbit's foot,
wishbone,

horseshoe, four-leaf clover.

Here's some salt for that
over-the-shoulder thing.

And the coup de gr?ce:

A charm bracelet.

Lucky charms, Paige?

It ain't the cereal,
but it's the best I could do.

And what about...?

Phoebe.

Oh, what happened?

- Are you okay?
- Oh, my bruises have bruises.

I missed the step
because I was trying to read my page.

- Walk it off, walk it off.
- Way to go, Cyrano 73.

"I thought I'd try again.
How about Saturday night?"

He is asking me out again.

If you're gonna do it,
I'd go with Saturday,

seeing as how we'll probably
be dead by then.

Wait a minute.
Maybe I should say yes.

Oh, Phoebe,
this is not the time to be dating.

It might exactly be the time.

Maybe this was the risk
Shamus was talking about.

Accepting a date
with a guy that you click with.

That's not necessarily a giant risk.

Well, for me it is.

How do you know for sure
he's not another demon?

I don't know. Therein lies the risk.

Okay. Y-E-S. And enter.

Oh, yeah. I feel luckier already.

Or not.

Energy ball!

No!

Piper.

One witch. Quick quiz,
how many should I have?

- Three.
- Zero!

They should all be dead.
I never asked for prisoners.

You miscalculated.

The others found a way
to turn their luck around.

And Jenna died because of it.

Am I supposed to care about that?

We'll use this witch
to lure the others.

You still have more gold.

We can make ourselves
enough good luck to make them pay

for what they've done.

I have a better idea.

I'll just do it myself.

She's at his lair.
And still alive, thank God.

Okay, we should call Leo.

No, we gotta keep
the baby out of danger.

But Saleel's got luck on his side,
we've got nothing.

No, that's not true.
I think we've turned the tide.

- How you figure?
- Paige, if we could just turn our luck

into a streak, then we can do this.

Okay. We've got a few charms,

and he's got who knows
how much gold.

It's just not gonna cut it.

Unless we combine our own magic
with it.

- Take that.
- Okay.

What are you doing?

I am gonna help you
make this thing work

so maybe you can get a vision off of it.
Maybe you can see Shamus using it.

I can't always get them
on command.

- Sometimes it's just...
- Yeah, I know, luck. Just try.

Okay.

Come on.

I can see him.

- I can see him.
- Come on.

Far out, lady.

Either we leave right now
and try to save what's left of us,

- or we stay and die like the rest.
- That is the choice.

Tell your tribes
to take only what they need.

- We leave at dusk.
- Aye.

It worked.

Witches. What are you doing here?

We're here because we need
your help to save our sister.

- And to save you.
- Right, sure.

Just like they saved Shamus.

- Hurry, laddies.
- No, wait.

Please, you're stronger than that.
Shamus knew it, and so do I.

Shamus Fitzpatrick was a fool.
And look where it got him.

- Aye.
- He was not a fool.

He gave up his life
because he believed saving you

was worth the ultimate price.
Shamus was a hero.

He didn't see leprechauns,
he saw giants.

And he didn't see luck,
he saw power.

Please, you've pooled your luck
once before.

Do it again.

Not for us, but for him.

For Shamus.

For Shamus.

- For Shamus!
- For Shamus!

- For Shamus! For Shamus!
- You did good.

- For Shamus!
- Yes!

For Shamus!

Hi. Okay, hi. Shoo. Go away.
See, I don't like snakes.

At all. Go away. Shoo.

- What are you doing? It's a trap.
- We know.

Piper.

- Go. Go away.
- The Charmed Ones.

It's about time you got here.

Yeah, well, we had to make a little
pit stop somewhere over the rainbow.

What is that supposed to mean?

A leprechaun. Please.

Now, laddies!

No!

A meteor.
That's some real bad luck.

Still tied up here, people.

Here, I think this belongs to you.

Actually, darling, I think
Shamus would want you to keep it.

For all you done for us,
for saving our kind.

Oh, you guys kind of did that
yourselves.

- It was your luck, after all.
- Aye.

But it was your fighting spirit
that sparked it.

The same spirit Shamus had.

I wish I could accept
that compliment,

but I was just looking to be
reimbursed, to tell you the truth.

I felt like

- magic owed me.
- And do you still feel that way?

No. I don't.

Doesn't matter what brings a person,
only what they leave with.

Hey.

Leo, what are you doing here?
Who's watching Wyatt?

I asked Paige to. I thought maybe

you and I could spend
some time together alone.

Sounds great,
but it's a little crazy in here.

I can see that.

Pat Benatar definitely brings in
the crowd, huh?

Yeah, at least I'll go out with a bang.

What do you mean?

Well, I've been thinking,

and I've decided
that I wanna sell the club.

Not because I want to,
but I feel like I have to.

I mean, being a mother/Charmed One/
businesswoman

is just one slash way too many.
Something's gotta give.

But this club is your baby too, Piper.
You can't give it up.

I don't really feel like I have a choice.

I mean, I've been stretched
pretty thin lately,

and I think we're both
feeling the strain.

Yeah. I know. That's...

That's why I asked the Elders
for paternity leave.

It's obviously never been done before.
But they spent time with Wyatt

and realized how important he is

and decided
to break the rules for him.

That's weird. I mean, what happens
to your other charges?

You do have a career too.

We'II, they'll temporarily reassign them.
Except for you guys.

And as for my career,
it's not as important to me as we are.

Honey, I don't think
I can let you do this.

Piper, it's one thing
I don't wanna argue about, okay?

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Pat Benatar.

You here on business?

Actually, no, I'm not.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm meeting someone.

- Really? Weird, me too.
- I know.

You're meeting me.

- I don't understand.
- I'm Cyrano 73.

In the flesh, so to speak.

Wait. Phoebe, let me explain.

Okay. Sure, go ahead.
Give it your best shot.

I just knew you'd never go out with me
if I asked you straight, right?

Right?

- Right.
- So I had to find a way

to see if you were interested in me
without putting any pressure on you.

I like you, Phoebe.

I liked you the minute
I laid eyes on you.

And I know you like me.

Or at least the part of me
that brought you here.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have come.

- Jason, I don't know.
- I'm not asking you to marry me.

I just wanna buy you a drink.

Come on,
what have you got to lose?

- Oh, I don't know, my job maybe?
- That would never happen.

Hey, you want Cyrano to disappear,
he's gone.

I promise. Just say the word.

Martini, dirty.