Charmed (1998–2006): Season 5, Episode 16 - Baby's First Demon - full transcript

I could eat him up.

I swear I could,
with a little ranch dressing.

Okay, but let's not, okay?

I can't make that promise.

Okay, don't listen to your aunties,
okay? They're a little kookie.

Us guys gotta stick together,
don't we, Peter?

- Peter?
- Peter. I'm just floating it.

Is your name Peter?

For what it's worth, I dated a Peter
in high school and he wasn't very nice.

Yeah, and you know,
for what it's worth,

it's kind of the name
of the appendage that he has



that surprised us all so much.
It might get him teased in school.

Okay, no Peter.
But we're running out of P's.

I can't believe you never
thought of P boy names.

Well, when I went
to the future, I had a little girl.

And obviously that has changed,
as has a lot of things.

But I'm still having trouble letting
go of the name we settled on.

Yeah, well, Prudence Melinda
might get him in trouble at school too.

I'm thinking that's probably true,
although he could just zap them

under a roof,
like Harry Potter would or something.

God, I hope not.

Aren't you excited
to see what his powers are?

Excited, terrified...

I mean, after seeing what the kid could
do inside the womb, he's no Muggle.

Hey, what about Potter?



Potter Halliwell, or is it Wyatt?

No, it's definitely Halliwell.

The demons fear it,
good magic respects it.

I want what's best for him.
That's why I'm gonna say no to Potter.

Oh, somebody's getting very sleepy.

We love you, we love you, baby,
so much, love you, love you, love you.

- Bye, baby.
- Bye.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're perfect.
You're a perfect little creature.

It's too bad
with all the powers your baby has,

sleeping through the night
is not one of them.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that,
you guys.

We can cast some
sort of soundproofing spell

around our bedroom
so you won't have to deal with it.

No. It'll interfere
with the baby's alarm system.

Which works how exactly?

Pretty basic stuff.
I just enchanted a few cowry shells.

That's not gonna
shock anything, is it?

In the nursery? I'm not a total idiot.

It'll just alert us to the presence of evil
so we can all sleep a little sounder.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I think I need to
apply some under-eye makeup

to these dark circles
that your sweet baby caused.

Where are you going?

I'm just gonna go
watch him sleep for a little while.

Phoebe, you must go to work.

Aren't you supposed to meet
the new owner of the paper today?

I know, but it's
just so hard to leave him.

I mean, shouldn't there be some sort
of maternity leave for new aunties?

Phoebe, the club
is not raking in the dough these days,

and Paige is unemployed,
the cost of diapers...

We kind of need you
to keep your job.

You're right, you're right. I'm going.

Just no Peter, okay. And no Patrick.

I really think you should consider
Potter because it's a great name.

Okay? Just don't make any
decisions until I get back, please.

Time to go.

And do me a favour and kiss his
little toes for me when he wakes up.

When are you gonna talk to her?

Oh, she's just excited.

Excited, obsessed.

Why, because she wants
to watch her nephew sleep?

No, because yesterday she was
giving you breast-feeding advice

and now she wants maternity leave?

Well, she knows a lot about breasts.

And she's an aunt, that's what they do,
it's family, you know.

Okay. Well, how is Mommy doing?

Mommy's tired and happy.

Now try and get some sleep.

- Baby!
- What?

Baby! Hey!

Son of a...

Little guy, way to use your powers.

You okay? No, you're okay,
it's all right. You're okay.

They scare you?

You're okay. You're okay.

It just pisses me off.

I can't believe they'd come
in the house and try to steal the baby.

Piper, demons aren't exactly known
for their moral compass.

At least he'll be safe with the
Elders until we can figure it out.

But he's just a baby.
He is small and little and innocent...

It's okay. He's got
that invincibility thing going on.

Hey, do you think that's permanent
or is it like a baby-teeth thing?

I have no idea,
but the demons saw the force field.

They're gonna
try and find a way around it.

Unless they can get up
to Elder-land, he's gonna be fine.

- Well, he can't stay up there forever.
- That's what we're here for.

No one is gonna steal him.
I promise you that.

- Leo?
- They wouldn't keep him.

What? Why?
Did you tell them what's going on?

They want us to prove
to ourselves that we can protect him,

like your mom
and Grams did for you.

Oh, no, baby, it's okay. It's okay.

We don't need
them anyway. It's all right.

- You okay?
- I'm having some severe

- separation-anxiety issues.
- We can do this, honey.

Hey, here he is. The Hawker demon.

"A breed of demon known for hawking
magical goods at the demonic market."

Magical goods?
My baby is a magical good?

That is just sick and twisted.

The question is,
who would want to buy him and why?

We paid you for a baby. Not a gypsy.

I told you that the little brat
had a force field protecting it.

Which is why we want it, you idiot.

The shield is what makes
that kid a perfect battery.

A self-sustaining, never-ending
source of magical power.

We tap into that power and it will
return us to our former strength.

Or would you have us
stay weaklings, Hawker?

Doomed to feed on
the magic of others forever.

Look, I am sorry
that the witch cursed you.

And I'm sorry
that you lost all of your powers.

That's a tough break.
But it's not my fault.

Hawker?

Madam, how may I serve you today?

The eyes of two dozen adult brown
bats and a large boar's tongue, please.

Right away.

We're not finished here.

She can wait her turn.

Bottom-feeders. What is it
that's keeping you alive today?

Feed on a troll
for breakfast this morning?

Back off, Crone.

I sense danger, Hawker.

The task these leeches seek you for
will bring only death and destruction.

And not to our enemies.

Turn them away.

Your order, madam.

You're not gonna listen
to that crazy old wretch, are you?

The Crone's wisdom
is ancient and renowned.

I have already lost
one demon on this job.

Now, you either
take the gypsy, or nothing.

We'll take the gypsy to tide us over.

And we'll double
the bounty on the infant.

Or maybe we'll pay
that to another hawker.

In which case,
the bounty will be on your head.

I know it's not much
of a choice, but there it is.

We find ways to make him happy,
or we find new jobs.

Well, he can't be any tougher
to please than you, right, Elise?

One can only hope.

All I know is that
his name is Jason Dean,

he's new money,
some kind of dot-com millionaire.

And he's known for his shaking up
the companies that he buys.

"Shaking up," as in layoffs?

Honestly, Kate,
you know as much as I do.

So you don't know if you'll
be employed tomorrow either.

Look, guys, he'll be here soon.
And we can get a better read then.

In the meantime,
I suggest we all get back to work.

Work, "schmurk," I got baby
pictures here. Gather round, people.

You are looking at 6 pounds,
8 ounces of pure deliciousness.

- How's your sister doing?
- Healthy as a horse.

You think he's gonna
keep those blue eyes?

- He might. His daddy has light eyes.
- How old is he?

Three weeks today.

You look pretty good for a woman
who had a baby three weeks ago.

Oh, no.
I'm not his mommy, I'm just his...

...auntie.

Hi. Have we met?

- Jason Dean.
- Oh, God.

I'm sorry. You're Mr. Dean?

- Jason, please.
- Well, that's...

That's some weird stuff
because you're really young... Young.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

You know, it's strange.

I always pictured a newspaper
bullpen as being a little more...

...I don't know, bustling.

- Bustling. Bustling.
- Oh, hey! No!

I'm Elise Rothman,
let me show you around.

Honestly, Elise,
I didn't mean to insult your team.

It's just, I grew up reading
comic books. The Daily Planet bustled.

Well, in all fairness, Superman can
move faster than a speeding bullet.

So he's got a little leg up
on the bustling, you know.

A woman
who knows her superheroes.

I'm impressed.

- I'm... I'm Phoebe.
- I know.

I've been doing a lot
of homework, a lot of reading.

- Circulation is down, l...
- Oh, sorry.

- Plan to bring it up, and from what
I see, that's gonna start with you.

Wow, that's really sweet.
Isn't that sweet? Did you hear that?

I'm sorry about
the little picture show, you know.

Oh, if I had a nephew that cute,
I'd show him off too.

Best I can do is...

Picture of my dog.

Mr. Dean, if you'd like,
I could give you a tour.

Great. Phoebe, let's talk soon.

He has your eyes.

Well, the neighbours who don't already
think we're crazy, now officially do.

But the house
is surrounded by apples and sage.

Thank you. I know you think
it's a waste of time...

Well, you know, if it worked,
we would have done it already.

- Every little bit helps.
- All right. How's your ritual coming?

It's not.

I thought you were gonna
call the baby's fairy guards.

We were, we are,
but to perform the ritual properly,

you have to have
a name for the baby first.

So we busted out the family tree,
hoping to find some new ideas.

Let me see.

Okay, right away, I'm gonna say
I'm against the name Herbert.

Yeah, we already vetoed
Clarence and Milton as well.

Not to be too self-centred,
but where am I on the tree?

Well, we haven't
had a chance to update it lately.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I mean the baby's
not even on there either.

Well, yeah, that's because
he doesn't have a name yet, Leo.

Oh, well, Paige, it's just a piece
of paper. It doesn't mean anything.

I know that.

Anyway, Wiccan rituals
and fairy guards notwithstanding,

I think it's time
we bust out some serious ammo.

- As in?
- As in an old-fashioned demon hunt.

I say we bypass the Hawker
and go for the jerk that hired him

to steal the baby in the first place.

- How?
- Not so sure just yet.

But I will say this. Once we find him,
we use him to send a message:

"If you come after this baby, you will
die in the cruellest manner possible."

Well, I like the message.

You know, except...

Except?

Except for the part
where I have to leave

my newborn child
to go demon hunting.

I'm just... I'm not ready.

Okay. Fine, I can understand that.
I'll just... I'll take Phoebe.

But except that she's got
a really big day at work today

and we kind of
need her money right now.

- I'll go by myself.
- No way.

You don't even know
what kind of demon we're up against.

Fine, but I am the baby's godmother.
It's my job to protect it,

and if I don't stop him,
the Hawker will come back.

All right, then let's get ready for him.

Exactly, we'll lay a trap for him.

Maybe we'll kidnap him
and sell him to the highest bidder.

What do you think?
That's a good idea.

Then we can find out who hired him,
force him to take us to them.

No, it sounds risky.

He has his own force field
and your alarm system.

It's no more risky than you going off on
your own on some wild goose chase.

He's right, you should go
get the crystals for the trap.

Fine.

- Hello.
- Don't "hello" me.

You know who I'm calling to talk to.

Well, he's resting right now.

How'd it go with the new boss?

Oh, Jason Dean?
I want to bear his children.

But that's besides the point.
Now let me talk to...

What? You have a crush
on the new boss?

I don't think I like
your tone oF voice, mister.

Please let me talk to my nephew.
I don't want him to forget my voice.

Well, he needs his rest.
It's been a little hectic around here.

Hectic? What do you mean, hectic?

Well, I didn't want to worry you,
but there was an attack.

They were after the baby.

- What? Why didn't you tell me?
- I did tell you. I just told you.

Okay, well, I'm coming home.

You don't have to, we have it under
control. There's nothing to worry about.

We'll call you if we need you.

Leo, this is my nephew
we're talking about.

You should have called me.

I'll just tell Jason I have to work
from home for the rest of the day.

In today's market, image
and content are inseparable.

We can publish a
Pulitzer Prize-winning article,

but with our puny circulation,
who's gonna notice?

Hi. Is this a bad time?

No, come in, come in.

Here. Look at this woman.

Beautiful, smart, funny.
And she can write.

With the right exposure, she could kick
Dear Abby down into the bush league.

She's a commodity.

Thank you, I think.
Now that I have your attention...

And we've worked hard
to capitalize on her.

She has billboards, she's done
guest spots on local radio shows,

she did that spread in 415 Magazine.

And don't think I didn't see it.

What I'm wondering is what we could
do differently with regard to content.

- Content?
- I was thinking we expand her column.

Have her write a series of features
road-testing her own advice

or a series on the
best singles spots in San Francisco

based on her own
undercover experience.

I like it. Phoebe and I can work this
afternoon, put some ideas together...

No, we can't.

I'm sorry, but I have to work from
home for the rest of the afternoon.

Why?

Why? Well,
because I have a new baby,

a new nephew at home
and he demands a lot of attention...

But he's got parents, right?
Is there something here I'm missing?

No. Look, Elise has never
minded me working from home.

Yes, but, Phoebe, we're talking
about expanding your column.

I should think you'd want
a hand in what that's gonna look like.

- Well, of course I do, Elise, but...
- Are we not paying you enough?

No, that's not it.

Okay, sit down with Elise,
come up with some new ideas

and while you're at it, discuss what
you think your new salary should be.

We'll meet again late this afternoon.

Yeah. Great.

Why would somebody
want to hurt something so innocent?

Poor Paige. She's getting
all the hassles of parenthood

with none of the rewards.

Well, I think a smile from
her nephew is all she'll ever want.

It's gonna be okay, Piper.

- How?
- Because babies are resilient.

And ours has a little extra of that.

But even so,
I mean, it can't be good for him.

Even if he can handle the demons,
he must sense the tension,

which means at the very best,
we end up with a neurotic infant.

Look on the bright side.

Growing up with your sisters,
he was bound to be neurotic anyway.

No!

Leo!

I guess I overcharged it.

I gotcha, baby. You're all right.

How's my little buddy doing?

I think we need
a little bit of healing here.

What, he looks fine to me.

Not him. Me.

Okay, now, easy. Watch your head.

Make sure you hold her hands,
we don't want her blowing anything up.

Just do it.

- Where's the baby?
- It's all right, honey, he's okay.

They knew about the force field.

They almost
flew him out of the window.

Yeah, but they didn't, and right now
our concern is about you.

Me? Why? I'm healed.

Yes, but the fact is that
you needed to be healed.

That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I guess
I'm not so invincible anymore.

Well, it makes sense, since
you got the power from him

and he's not inside you anymore.

I was just hoping he would have
left a little bit behind for Mama.

Well, the theory did occur to me, but
I haven't had a chance to test it out.

This is serious, Piper.

You need to learn to be careful
now that you're vulnerable.

I don't have the luxury of being careful.
Half of demonville is after our child.

What do you think
about using the athame

to scry for the demonic market?
I mean, it makes sense

- that the Hawker demon got it there.
- Yeah.

We can disguise ourselves
as demons, infiltrate the market

and pretend that we know
how to get the Charmed Ones' baby.

It's a smart plan.

Then we could find out
what sicko is in the market to buy him.

Right, but then we vanquish
them, everyone they've ever met,

and proceed with our original
demon-killing, message-sending plan.

It's a very wordy, very good plan.

It's a good idea to send
the mother of my child

into the hornet's nest
because you overcharged a trap?

Oh, gee, one little mistake, man.

It's okay. She's right. We can go.

Right.

You're sure you're okay to do this?

No, I can't go.

Okay. I'll just go check the Book
oF Shadows, see if I missed anything.

It'll be okay.

I think it's time we call Phoebe.

I called her, she said
she was on her way home.

I'll call her again.

You're okay, little guy.
We're not gonna let anybody steal you.

It's okay, Paige.

It's okay. I fought
fairy tales earlier this year.

You can do this.
You can do this. You can do this.

Lost, little girl?

You have a really messed-up idea
of customer service.

- What?
- I am a dissatisfied customer.

I bought this athame here
at the market, it's supposed to flame.

It doesn't. I paid a pretty penny
for it too. And for what?

It almost got me killed trying
to steal the Charmed Ones' baby.

You want to know
what I got for my efforts?

A nice little blanket. Sweet.

Oh, and the Hawker who hired me?

He got eighty-sixed,
so I didn't even get a payday.

Who are you?

I told you,
I'm a dissatisfied customer.

See? No flame.

So we thought I could hit
a couple of clubs around town

and try out the pickup lines
that I suggested in my column.

Then she'll report back on how they
work off the page and in the world.

I love it. It's sexy as hell.

Okay, great. So why don't
I go home and try to work on...

Yeah.

No.

No, definitely not.

Great.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine. I just...

I have a little blood-sugar issue,
it's nothing serious, but I have to eat.

Say no more. You like Chinese?

- Food, not people.
- I really need to get home.

Elise, could you
excuse us for a moment?

Sure.

I'll just...

...be over here.

Is this about
your sister's baby again?

Yes. It is, actually. I need
to go spend some time with him.

With your sister's baby?

Yes.

Look, you may not understand,
but that baby needs me right now.

Is your sister a single parent?

- No.
- Look, Phoebe,

I think it's really wonderful
that you love your nephew this much.

I really do. But you have a job.

Yeah, and I
think I do it pretty well.

Yes, you do. Until recently.

Excuse me?

I spent some of the afternoon
going over your columns

from the last few weeks.
And they've become very...

- What?
- Baby-centric.

They're all about diapers
and mother's milk.

They don't even read like you.
They've lost your edge. You're sexy.

Well, any writer, any good writer, uses
their life experiences in their work.

That's true. But if all
you've got to inform your work

is someone else's baby, maybe
you need to re-evaluate your priorities.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but, Phoebe,
your brother-in-law's on the phone.

And it's the third time he's called.

What? Why didn't you tell me?

I don't understand,
why didn't you just orb for me

when they wouldn't put you through?

I didn't want to leave the house
unless it was absolutely necessary.

Oh, right. Okay, so there
was another kidnap attempt?

Yes.

I can't believe
they didn't put you through!

They said you were
in an important meeting

and the boss said
you shouldn't be disturbed.

Unbelievable. And he says
I have my priorities mixed up?

- Who?
- Jason Dean.

Jason? Jason Halli...

Oh, don't even
thing about it, mister.

Please tell me you didn't get fired.

Oh, no, l... I don't think I did.

What the hell is that?

- Baby alarm.
- Baby alarm.

What?

I know, so much excitement.
What was that alerting us to exactly?

Demons. There's supposed
to be demons in the house.

Look at that, he's not even crying.

You are so brave.
You're like a little brave soldier.

Maybe the alarm is faulty.

- Paige would know.
- Where is Paige?

Paige?

Oh, my God, she's not here.

Okay, why is that an "Oh, my God"?

And the scrying tools are out.

The hand-grenade potion is gone.

Will someone please
tell me what's going on here?

What is that, a spell?

No, it's a note.
"Gone to market. Back soon."

Okay, well, that's good news, right?

She went to the market.

Right?

Come on, guys, this is top-of-the-line.
The power to throw fireballs 20 yards.

Now, let me hear a serious offer.

Now, if you need new powers,
there's where to go.

You're such a great tour guide.

Looking for that
little something extra?

You didn't become a demon
to just stand on the sidelines.

Now, watch and see
what my permeatonic can do for you.

I'll take some.

I think up there's the guys
you're looking for. The parasites.

Oh, parasites?
Should I be frightened?

No. They were badass once,

but some witch cursed them,
took away their powers.

Pitiful little bastards.
Even a girl like you could take them.

Oh, really, a girl like me?
Then I might just have to.

Well, thank you for the tour. I suppose
you'll be wanting your payment now.

You know I will.

Fireball.

Hey!

Sorry, he was getting a little grabby.

Excuse me. Anyone here interested
in the Charmed Ones' offspring?

Who are you?

I'm the reason you're not
gonna need that food anymore.

Not after you hear
what I have to say.

The food is dead.

You were saying?

Just that the Hawker
who hired me to grab the baby

screwed up the job
and got himself dead.

He didn't say who hired him,
but I heard it was you.

So, what if it was?

Don't get nervous.
I'm just here for the bounty.

The offer still stands, right?

First, tell us why you're still alive.

I'll take that as a yes.

Come on, people, talk to me.

Bingo. We have
a location of the market.

Yes. Anything on Paige?

I can't sense her at all. But
that doesn't mean we should panic.

Her signal might be blocked
by the magic at the marketplace.

Right, there's no reason to panic.

I mean, our sister went alone
to demonville, she has no idea

what or who she's up against,
so there's no reason to panic, right?

Phoebe, it was my fault.
I should have gone with her.

I would have gone with her,
had she called me.

Well, I told her not to bother you,

because you was trying
to impress your new boss.

I was not trying to impress
my new boss, thank you.

You weren't? But this morning...

Okay, maybe this morning
I was trying to impress him.

But I'm not. So can we talk about
anything but Jason Dean, please?

Thank you very much.

Yeah, let's talk about
how we're gonna find Paige.

Well, we're gonna write a spell
that's gonna carry us to the market.

Can I have some paper?

Are you okay?

No. It's time to panic.

Oh, my God.

I say we suck her dry.

Nice and slow.

- Tempting, but...
- But what?

You forget it was one of her kind
who cursed us to this life.

Please...

Say we kill her,
get revenge on yet another witch.

Then what? We're still parasites.
Nothing will have changed.

She'll be dead. That's change.

But we'll still be bound
to this trivial existence.

Think about it.
She's a Charmed One.

Her sisters will sense her
if we keep her alive.

And then, they will come for her.

And when they do,
the infant will be left vulnerable.

No.

Anything?

Unless they're invisible,
there's no demons in this house.

Then why does
the alarm keep going off?

- We'd have to ask Paige.
- We better hurry

because from what I saw,
she doesn't have much time.

You want me to leave my baby when
the alarm designed to sense evil

is going off every ten minutes?

Believe me, Piper,
I don't want to leave the baby either,

but the alarm is broken.
There is no evil in this house.

But we've gone up against
invisible demons before.

You know, demons that morph into
lamps, lamps that morph into demons,

demons in the walls...

Don't you think if they were here,
they'd be attacking the baby by now?

Oh, look at him, he's smiling!

Oh, you are so brave.

- He's smiling?
- Either that or he has gas.

Piper, put him down.

What?

He was crying
when the demon attacked.

- So?
- So just put him down a minute

and come over here.
You too, Phoebe.

- Why?
- Trust me.

Okay.

What are we doing?

- Just wait.
- For what?

That's what.

- I don't get it.
- He's doing it.

He's using his powers
to set off the alarm.

Because he figured out, when it
goes off, that we all come running.

He's just trying to get attention.
He's a genius. Oh, you're a genius!

That's my boy, using your powers.

You trying to give
Mommy a heart attack?

Is that what you're trying to do?

So I guess it's safe to say
you can go help Paige.

- Right.
- You gonna be okay?

Yeah. Okay.

Grab some potions

because if I'm going to that market and
leaving him, we're not taking prisoners.

Well, just be careful.

I will.

You're not invincible anymore.

I know.

It's just so hard to leave.

It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.

Well, just make sure you come back.

You take care of him.

I mean, one hair out of place,
on the head, you and me, issues.

I will. The first sign of trouble,
I will orb him out.

Okay. Phoebe,
here we go. Here we go.

- Where's the market?
- Who are you?

I'm the mother.

Which one of you dirtbags
put the bounty on my baby?

They're here.

It's baby time.

It's okay, buddy.
Mommy will be home soon.

- Where are they?
- Piper.

I know, you are
very happy to see us.

- Baby.
- He's fine, he's with Leo.

They're parasites.
They'll absorb Leo's power.

What? Can you orb?

No. No. They took my powers away.

We gotta get
to the other side of the gate.

That is mine.

Do you feel the power?

It's fantastic. But how will
we get him out of here?

Keep draining the magic. The force
field will falter. And then he'll be ours.

Go. Don't let them
put their hands on you.

No!

- He got away.
- It's okay, let him go.

I said, no prisoners.
Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Then we're going back.

You did this to us. I warned you.

The witches did this. Not me.

The witches
are nothing compared to...

This child is powerful
beyond your understanding.

What I have foreseen
is not to be ignored.

What? What did you see?

What is he?

He is our end.

We'll have nothing more
to do with this being.

That's easy for you to say.
You have powers of your own.

And I enjoy using them.

Impressive.

Your sister's powers
have been restored.

Who are you?

I represent those in power.

Rest assured, a law will be passed

forbidding any
further attempts on your child.

Why? What do you stand to gain?

Nothing.

You have proven...

...that the costs of a war
will far outweigh the benefits.

Consider this...

...our white flag.

Now, I suggest you rest well
and preserve your energies.

From what I've foreseen,
you're going to need them.

Way to send
a message, warrior mom.

I don't know about that.

You didn't believe her?

Well, partially, but I think this had more
to do with him than anything we did.

What do you think she foresaw?

I wish I knew.

Oh, I could eat you.
Yes, I could. Yes, I could.

Pheebs. After the demonic parasites
did want to eat him, not so cute.

Gotcha. Oh, I could smoosh you. Oh,
I could just smoosh your little face.

Much better.

Is that his new name,
Smoosh Face Halliwell?

It's about as good
as everything else we've come up with.

No new ideas, huh?

- Actually...
- No. You know, we've been so busy

with the alarm and the demon-fighting
and the sister-saving...

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, don't be sorry, Paige.

You were brave,
and you inspired me to fight

and you made the world
a safer place for our baby.

Which is why I would like to give
the baby the middle name of Matthew.

In honour of his
super-protective aunt Paige.

I think that's a great idea.

- What do you think?
- Yeah.

Thanks.

And I also have
an idea for his first name.

Wyatt. In honour of his
very protective daddy.

Really?

Well, it doesn't start with a P.

So we break the tradition.

Hi, baby.

Happy baby.

Why don't we ask him?

That's probably your job.

Wyatt Matthew Halliwell,
is that your name?

What do you think? It's a good one.

It's a good one.

I thought you'd still be here.

Yeah, well, there's a lot to do.

I just came by to say that...

...I'm really sorry.

I didn't figure you
for the type to apologize easily.

Yeah, I'm not.
I only apologize when I'm wrong.

And, okay, I wasn't entirely wrong.

There was an emergency
at home and I did need to leave.

In the future, if you're gonna
hold my calls, I hope you tell me.

- This is an apology?
- Yes, because about the other stuff...

...you were right. I got overwhelmed
by the baby and I lost my voice.

- My perspective.
- That's really...

It's just that since we were kids,
we always shared everything equally.

So when the baby came, I just
thought it should be the same way.

You know, which is ridiculous
because I'm not his mom, I'm his aunt.

And it works out great for me because
moms have to parent, you know,

- and I just get to spoil.
- Well, that's understandable...

And I know you're really busy
and you don't need to be listening

to some advice columnist's
psychobabble, but...

...if I still have a job...

...I promise you'll see all
the changes you're looking for

in my column
first thing in the morning.

Great.

- Can I talk now?
- Oh, yeah.

I knew less about
my last girlfriend's family

than I've learned about yours
in the last five minutes.

- Oh, I'm really...
- Still talking.

- Sorry.
- I am busy.

But making this paper work
is important to me.

If that means listening to an advice
columnist's late-night psychobabble,

then that's what I'm willing to do.

- That's... Right.
- Still talking.

This paper can't afford to lose you,
Phoebe. You're too valuable.

Too talented. And if you can admit
where you were wrong, then so can I.

- So?
- So...

...in the future, if I have to hold
your calls, I'll let you know.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Done talking.

Okay.

I'll just...