Charlie's Angels (1976–1981): Season 2, Episode 7 - Unidentified Flying Angels - full transcript

CHARLIE: Once upon a time,

there were three little girls
who went to the police academy,

two in Los Angeles...

the other, in San Francisco,

and they were each assigned
very hazardous duties...

but I took them
away from all that,

and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Come right in,
ladies and gentlemen.

As quickly as you can, please.



They're on their way.
Gather around me here.

Now, there is to be
no talking of any kind,

absolute silence, no smoking.

No noise, please.

Lights, please.

There they are.

[BEEPING]

WOMAN: No, I don't believe it.

I don't believe any of this.

It's just not possible.

No, no. Please leave me alone.

It's the temperature.

Don't you see? The
temperature of Venus.

It's just not possible.



WOMAN: My aunt
always liked to tell people

she was an author.

She did actually
write a book once.

It was called How To
Cook Supernaturally.

It was strange, but
then, she was strange.

Oh...

Hey, would you mind
if I sat on the floor?

As a matter of fact,
I think I'll join you.

What is this, a yoga class?

Bosley, I'm just being polite.

You see, I've been staying

the last three years
in a little village

in Upper Volta, in Africa,

with practically no furniture.

We do everything on the ground.

I'm not going.

CHARLIE: Joyce is a volunteer
with Helpmate International,

working in
underdeveloped countries,

and she has to return
to her village soon,

which is why she came to us.

How long has your aunt
been missing, Joyce?

I can't even find that out.

Her personal secretary

is living in the house.

He ran everything
and he won't talk to me.

Here's the secretary,
named Seth Corday.

When I went out
there, he accused me

of only being
interested in her money.

Show them Mr. Britten, Bosley.

[CLICK]

KELLY: I think I was
out with that last night.

Is that thing James
Britten, the astronaut?

That's right, Sabrina.

He left the space program
under some kind of a cloud.

This is him without
the monkey suit.

KRIS: Oh, my.

I'd get lost in space
with him anytime.

Now, when Britten was forced out

of the space program,

we know that he
became associated

with... Dr. Franklyn
Perine, MA, MS, PhD,

CP... Bosley? Um, C.P.?

Complete phony.

Oh.

Perine is a crook.

What does this have to do

with your aunt, Joyce?

Yeah.

Well, she mentioned
Britten in a letter.

She'd been to some
kind of a lecture

and he really turned her on.

She was hoping he
was going to take her

on some sort of a trip.

It was the last I
heard from her.

Sorry there's not more
to start on, Angels,

but I'd like you to find
Charlotte Sheriden

before Joyce
returns to her village.

Well, you better
pack your knapsack.

BOSLEY: Sabrina,

why don't we start
with the secretary?

Yes? Hello.

Is Mrs. Charlotte
Sheriden at home, please?

Who inquires?

Who are you?

[DOG BARKING]

Oh, shut up.

You first, sweetie.

My name is Sabrina Duncan.

I am vice president of
Security United Bank,

and this gentleman
is our head cashier.

You're the vice president?

You find something
surprising in that,

do you, Mr. Corday?

Oh, you know who I am.

You're Seth Corday,

Mrs. Sheriden's
personal secretary.

The one who's been
writing all the checks.

Now, would you
like to ask us in,

or would you like

to have the mortgage turned off?

Well, you might as well come in.

Filthy little beast.

Belongs to Mrs. Sheriden,
absolutely hates me.

Now, look. Um...
I don't understand

why the bank should
be so interested in me.

After all,

I do have Mrs. Sheriden's
power of attorney

and there is enough
money in the account.

Not any more.

You see, last Thursday,

Mrs. Sheriden wrote
this check for $25,000.

Uh, she couldn't...
that's impossible.

Which my head cashier
very unwisely approved.

What do you mean, she couldn't?

Um... Mrs., uh...
Sheriden's away,

traveling.

Where?

I don't know.

Mr. Corday, you've
cashed several checks

against an emptied account.

I think you ought
to tell us the truth.

You see, we have to make

a report to the authorities.

No, please.

Where is Mrs. Sheriden?

I haven't the foggiest,

and that is the
honest-to-goodness truth.

She went out of here
about a month ago.

A month?

A month, yes. She, uh...

Look, I... I haven't
done anything wrong.

I had the right to
draw on that account.

You did?

I know this sounds
simply insane,

but, after all, she is
an insane old lady.

Now, that's...

Nothing cruel by that remark.

After all, I adore the wom...

Get to the point.

I know how this will sound,

and... with me under suspicion,

but she said she... might
go to another planet.

On my mother's
head, that's the truth.

She'd gotten into something

called "the Celestial
Research Foundation,"

and that's all she talked about,

and then, one day,

she went out and
never came back.

Well, thank you for
your... cooperation.

Is there anything,

anything at all I
can do for you?

Yes. Please don't cry.

[DOG BARKING]

[BARKS]

Come here. Come here, come here.

Hey, hey, hey.
That's dog napping.

No, it isn't.

We'll give it back
to Mrs. Sheriden

when we find her. He
doesn't even like her.

I'm just worried about
Charlie's rugs, that's all.

I'll take full responsibility

for Charlie's rugs.
Come on, let's go.

SECRETARY: May I help you?

Yes, I'm John Bosley.

Oh, yes. Dr. Perine
is expecting you.

One moment, please.

Thank you.

I'm not used to doing
two of these in one day.

Am I still in banking?

No, Bosley.

You are in the
sugar-daddy business.

Mr. Bosley.

Yes.

How do you do? I'm Dr. Perine.

And this charming
young lady would be?

Kris Munroe.

Kris.

A pleasure always.

We're delighted

whenever anybody shows
any interest in our work.

Well, to tell you the truth,

it's the young lady's interest.

She gets excited
about a lot of things.

Oh... Oh, yes.

I'm very interested

in space and... and the future.

Oh, well, in that case,

you probably would like
to meet James Britten,

the famous astronaut.

Oh, I... I really...
We really would.

Fine, he happens to be
in my office at the moment.

Why don't you come in?

Oh!

There you go.

James Britten?

You're James Britten.

Oh, yes.

Jim, this is Miss
Munroe, Mr. Bosley.

Commander James Britten.

Mr. Bosley.

How do you do?

Well, I'm quite impressed

to find a man of your
background involved, Commander.

I must admit that, initially,
I was slightly skeptical.

Well, that's understandable.

The first time I saw a UFO,

I could hardly
believe it myself.

You saw a UFO,
with your own eyes?

I sure did.

And there's a good
chance you will too

if you become a member.

Oh, well, we're joining.

Aren't we, honey?

Well, uh... how much
is the membership fee?

Well, the initiation
fee is only $7,500.

Of course, if you
decide to stay,

there'll be some
additional charges

for the field trips.

Well, um...

Ours is an elite
membership, Mr. Bosley.

We have more
serious considerations

than mere money.

Well, I don't know.

Sweetheart... I want.

Well... W-w-w-we'll join.

Splendid.

Okay... call it.

Tails.

Tails. Shoot.

You get Britten.

Be careful, huh?

I will, don't worry.

Okay. See you later.

All right.

Doc, we got a tag.

You may be right. Take a turn.

You're right.

I tell you what.
Just keep going.

When we get out to the desert

where there's nobody
around, we stop her,

have a little talk
with her, huh?

If she gives any trouble,
we'll leave her there.

Still with us?

Still with us.

All right, when you
get your chance,

do it.

Get out.

Ouch!

Let go of me.

Hey! Come on already here!

Hey, Mister!

All right. Who are you?

Why are you following us?

Listen, this guy breaks my arm,

and you and me are off
to a very bad start here.

She's a private detective.

Name's Duncan.

I think you'd better
start talking, young lady.

It's no big deal.

I was hired to follow
one of your members,

a Mrs. Carole Forrester.

We don't have any
Mrs. Carole Forrester

registered at the Foundation.

Oh, come on, doctor.

Look, I followed
her to your office.

Followed her? Why?

Because her husband
thinks she's strutting her stuff.

I'm sorry, I'm only
doing my job here.

Miss Duncan, I can assure you

that this jealous
husband's suspicions

are completely groundless.

We happen to run

a very legitimate
scientific foundation.

Now, look, maybe she's there

under, like, an assumed
name, you know?

Of course, that's
always possible.

I tell you what.

We take you back there... Yeah?

You find your lady and you go.

Okay.

And you don't come back.

No. I won't.

Well, I'll say
one thing for you.

You sure got your cheek...

but you're not much

of a private detective, are you?

That was pretty dumb,
letting us catch you like that.

[CHUCKLING]

All right, boys.

Excuse me. Are you the one?

Well, Miss, I'd say

you're the only one
who can answer that.

I'm sorry. I meant
flying instructor.

They told me to come in here.

Well, how much
are they charging you

for lessons?

Well, I haven't started
yet, so I don't know.

I'll tell you what.

I'll teach you for
half of that, free.

I'm sorry, I don't
even know you.

I'm Jim Britten, and you're?

Kelly Garrett, and I
still don't know you.

You've never seen my face
or heard my name before?

No. Should I?

When do you want to start? Now?

In that?

That, young lady,
is an airplane.

A 747 is not an airplane,
it's a flying computer factory.

Well, I can see that it
has a certain panache,

but is it safe?

Well, it must be.

I've crashed it
nine or ten times,

and I'm still here.

I hope this isn't a case of
"love me, love my airplane."

A year's free flying lessons,

if you'll let me
buy you a drink.

Well, how about
if I take the drink,

and we donate the flying lessons

to a worthy cause.

You got it.

Okay.

Any leads on the old lady?

Mm-mm. Everybody I've talked
to has never been here before.

Oh... Oh, well.

At least Sabrina made it.

Good.

It can be a lot
harder getting caught

than getting away,

even when you
want to get caught,

but then, you don't
always want to get away.

Kris, I think you're
taking this case

much too seriously.

Besides, there's a
strange-looking man

staring at you from
across the room.

Aw, Bos...

He's not strange,
he just looks lonely.

Yeah.

We have groups
in here all the time.

There she is, that's
Mrs. Forrester.

That's Mrs. Forrester?

Mm-hmm.

And her husband is jealous?

She told me her name
was Marjorie Douglas.

My name is Theodore Nolan Jr.

Everybody calls me
Junior, because my father,

he's senior.

Um... He's, uh...

Well, he's a very
successful man.

And, uh... what's your name?

Uh, Kris.

You know, you look
pretty successful yourself.

Oh, no.

No, I just inherited
the business.

We're in bicycles.

You like to ride?

I fell once and I
broke my collarbone.

We manufacture them.

Oh... I mean, bicycles.

Is, uh, he your, uh...
your, uh, husband?

Uh, no. No, he's
more like an uncle.

Oh.

Have you ever been
out here before?

This is the first time
we've been here.

I've been here twice.

It was... exciting,

but I didn't stick with
it, so I came back.

You know, you might
have met my aunt's friend.

Mrs. Sheriden?

I don't believe so.

Uh... Excuse me.
I'm out of, uh...

PERINE: Venus is
merely a way station,

a kind of a base for the saucers
in their observation of Earth.

Actually, the space
people who are with us now

come from a planet in
the Alpha Centauri system.

It's 4.8 light-years
away from us.

Oh, um, pardon me.

Yes?

Did you say that
the "space people

that are with us now"? Mm-hmm.

We're in contact with them.

As a matter of fact,

some of our space visitors

may very well be
mingling with us

right this moment, in this room.

Wow... Oh, wow.

Did you have any
trouble getting in?

Not really.

I want to take a look
outside now, though.

I think I'm going to
wear my welcome out...

right now.

Er, um... That's their symbol.

That triangle.

Who?

The space people.

Do you believe all that?

I believe everything.

Good.

The space visitors

are just like ordinary
human beings,

like you or me,

with one very
definite distinction.

Pointed ears?

Absolutely not.

Little green pointed ears?

The difference is in their
extraordinary powers.

They can be very easily hurt

by contact with human beings,

because of people
like this... lady here.

Oh... Listen, if
you don't believe

like the rest of us,

then what are you doing here?

I mean, nobody's keeping you.

That's a very good suggestion.

Don't make a scene, dear.

You know, you look just
like the kind of dumb ditz

that would believe this baloney.

Yeah? Yeah.

Hey!

Hey. Hey!

Come on, ladies.
Now, just a minute.

Hey. you ditz! Let
me down, you big ape!

Let me down!

Come on!

Hey, come... Come on.

I swallowed my gum
here. Hey, come on.

Throw her out.

If she ever shows her face
again, make sure she regrets it.

I'm sorry, doctor.

It was just your
scam, you know, really.

I couldn't help it.

Get her out of here. Come on.

Ow! Ow, ow!

What's going on?

Where have you been?

I'm sorry. I got delayed.

I've had a whole room
full of people in there

and I've had to handle
this whole thing myself.

There's big money in there!

Well, who's the girl?

Oh, some private detective

sent to look after
some old broad.

She shot her mouth
off pretty good in there.

We'd better give
them a good show.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention
for a moment, please?

I have a very exciting
announcement to make.

Commander Britten

has just made contact
with a space vehicle.

[ALL MURMURING]

The contact has
definitely been made.

Some of the visitors
will appear outside

in about... seven minutes.

If you'd like to see them,

you can just follow me
to the observation room.

Right this way, please.

PERINE: Ladies and gentlemen,

no talking, please.

Lights out, please.

[ONLOOKERS GASPING]

Bosley? Hey...

Oh, my.

Oh!

Mr. Nolan?

Oh! Oh.

Oh, uh... you called.

Oh, excuse me.

My secretary should
have warned me,

but she never tells me anything.

She doesn't like me.

May I sit down?

Oh, yes, of course.

Thank you.

I, uh... I, uh...

guess I looked kind
of silly on that bike.

Just trying to keep in touch
with the business, you know.

Mr. Nolan.

I know that you're a believer...

in other worlds.

Oh... Um, yes.

Um, are you from the Foundation?

Not exactly.

Oh, because, uh...

I wouldn't want
anyone to find out.

Do you believe that
Dr. Perine has contacts?

Oh, yes! I saw
them arrive twice.

I mean, I believe. Well...

it's just that I'm so...
nervous, you know,

that I never follow
through... to a higher plane.

Mr. Nolan, have you
ever met any of "them?"

No. No.

Turn out the lights, please.

Now? With just us?

Yes. Here?

I mean, you wouldn't be afraid?

I could, uh... I could
leave the door open.

My secretary's just outside.

It will be all right.

The triangle.

You...

The symbol of perfect
shape, perfect form.

Each side supports the other,

like the universal symbiosis
of time, matter, and energy.

I...

I always knew that
they'd be beautiful.

Thank you, but
we need your help.

Me?

Anything.

We must be very careful

of everyone with
whom we associate.

We are concerned
that one of the women

who belongs to the believers

has disappeared.

Her name is Mrs. Sheriden.

I saw her. I remember.

It was just that I was afraid

to say anything.

What happened to her?

I don't know...

but those two men
who work for the doctor,

they came and
they took her away.

She was trying to
tell them something.

What did she say?

Something about, uh...

the temperature on Venus.

Ah... That's interesting.

You must promise me, Mr. Nolan,

that you won't mention
my visit here to anyone.

No, no, no, absolutely not.

You promise

you won't mention
it to my father?

I promise.

PERINE: The second
step toward wisdom

is that of Mind.

The ancient disciplines
that exist in the universe

which enable us to
govern our astral selves...

Every time I get wiser, it
costs me another grand.

The next step to
wisdom is bodily,

the casting off of
inhibitions which entangle.

The loss of those
unhealthy attitudes

that restrain our sexuality.

I wonder who he means.

Mr. Bosley... please.

I'm sorry, Doctor.

I got a little excited

when you mentioned the word sex.

The next step to wisdom
is our knowledge of nature.

Now, our friends come to us

from a world millions
of miles away,

and far more
advanced than we are.

Yet they're hesitant

to share their
knowledge with us.

And why shouldn't they be too?

After what we earthlings

have done with
the atomic bomb...

And the environment.

Look what we've done
to the environment.

Exactly.

We are in desperate
need, at this moment,

of their advanced knowledge.

I am about to show you

a most extraordinary
illustration of that knowledge.

Would you all be good
enough to follow me, please?

I wonder if he
accepts credit cards?

What you are about
to see is absolute proof

of the remarkable powers

of a truly advanced technology.

What did they fly here in?

An Edsel?

PERINE: Now, sir, would
you be good enough?

Hold that, please.

Well, what is it?

Water.

Now, ladies and gentlemen.

In this vial...

I have a miraculous fluid
direct from Alpha Centauri,

which, when when
mixed with plain water

results in a fuel so powerful

that it will succeed in driving

even the rusted
engine of this old relic.

Would you be good
enough to fill that, please,

Mr. Bosley?

Thank you very much.

Now, Kris, would you
step with me, please?

Um, yes.

I would like you to
drive this car for us.

Me? Are you kidding?

No.

Well, is it safe?

Absolutely safe.

All right, Kris,
start the engine.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Wow, that is terrific.

Is there any chance

that you'd be
selling stock in that?

SABRINA: "As a
result "of these landings,

"we now know
that the temperature

"at the surface of Venus

"is between 800 and
900 degrees Fahrenheit

during the day."

Mrs. Sheriden had
this on her desk.

I got it from her secretary,

along with a whole bunch
of other books like this.

"The temperature on Venus,"

that's what Mrs.
Sheriden was talking about

when Perine's men took her away.

Right,

and do you remember
that Dr. Perine said

that the space people

stopped off on Venus
on their way here?

Mrs. Sheriden knew
that the temperature

made that impossible, so...

So they took her away

so she couldn't tell the others.

Sounds to me

like we've got a
motive for murder.

Yeah, but if they did kill her,

you can bet they
didn't take her far.

Not with all that desert around.

We've got to find her,
or we don't have a case.

BOSLEY: Kelly, you
better push Jim Britten.

KELLY: Veal Oscar...

You're the first man I've met

who doesn't cook
steak 25 different ways.

JIM: One of my many talents.

Are there any you don't have?

One.

I haven't been able

to make you fall
in love with me.

How do you know?

I know how I'd feel if you had.

We've had a lot of fun
together and I like you a lot.

Doesn't that count?

Maybe it's the things
you don't know about me.

Jim, I can find out more
about you in the newspapers

than I've known
about a lot of men.

That's just the public
stuff. There's more.

It's okay.

It's not okay.

You can't get close to somebody
when they really don't know you.

Then maybe you'd better tell me.

Look, I, uh...

I got bounced out of
the space program.

They let me put a good face
on, but that's the truth of it.

Anyway, after that,
things got pretty bad.

I couldn't find anything
as exciting or as important.

I got canned a lot,
started drinking.

My marriage broke up.

If that's the confession,
it's not very much.

Kelly, don't you see?

I'd been so high and
come down so far.

I was nothing.

Wiped financially
and emotionally.

From looking around,

I'd say you've
picked yourself up.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing fine.

That's part of the trouble.

I work for a... it's
called a foundation.

It's supposed to be a
research center for...

For space vehicles,
aliens from outer space,

that sort of stuff.

You're part of
something like that?

Well, I'm the front for it.

My credentials are what
brings the suckers in.

Who?

Rich people.

People who are desperate
to believe that kind of junk.

For them,

it's kind of a
substitute for religion,

and they get their
money's worth.

Now you know.

You're right, it's
not very pretty.

You're a shill for a con game.

Hey, it's harmless.

They can afford it.

Jim, you can get out of it.

Hey, look, forget
it. I need the money.

Well, maybe you
enjoy taking people.

Maybe.

You could get
in a lot of trouble.

Get out of this.

What are you talking about?

You're involved in a fraud,
from what you've told me.

These kind of
people are dangerous.

Don't let them use you.

You haven't heard anything
about this Foundation, have you?

No, no, of course not.

It's just that I care about you.

James.

Well, you were right
to be suspicious.

Well, what happened?

What did she tell you
she did for a living?

Advertising, a copywriter.

We checked.

She's a private investigator.

They always fall hard for you,

don't they, Jim, huh?

Why not?

You're a very romantic figure.

What do we do, pack it in?

What you do

is take her for a little
ride in your airplane.

Tell her that you're
bringing her here...

and drop her.

Kill her?

Oh, no way.

Do I have to remind
you of what you owe me?

Your life was garbage

until I gave you
this opportunity.

Hey, look, I'm grateful, but...

but not enough to kill somebody.

We already have one
murder on our hands,

remember?

You were very
much a part of that.

Sure, you'll do it.

You don't have any choice, Jim.

PERINE: The music
you are listening to,

a gift from our visitors,

was created by great artists

millions of miles
from our planet.

Sounds like a
rusty bicycle chain.

PERINE: I want
you all to lean back,

put on your earphones
completely, relax,

and allow yourselves
to be transported

to a higher plane...
The void of space.

We should be looking
for Mrs. Sheriden's body.

Shh... He's watching us.

I don't think it's
me he's watching.

Listen, I'll distract him.

You see if you can get outside.

All right.

I'll get the dog.

Doctor... Kris.

You know that stuff

you were talking about before,

about freeing yourself sexually,

and how, like,

the space people
don't have any...

Inhibitions? Right.

Yes?

Can we talk about that?

Well, uh... I don't see why not.

I hope that you're not
looking for a fire plug.

You know, I've
delivered lectures

on interplanetary sex

at some of the
leading universities

of our country.

I'll bet you give
demonstrations too.

Mm-hmm. Occasionally, yes.

Oh.

Ah. There. You see?

That's due to nothing
but your tension,

thus your hang-ups.

Oh, Kris, Kris, Kris.

Trust me.

Believe in me.

Oh, I believe you, Doctor.

[♪♪♪]

[BEEPING]

Kris, you need this experience.

Now, mind your manners.

[KNOCKING]

What is it?

MAN: Doctor, we got
to see you right away.

Not now!

Right away!

I think you might want to
reconsider your devotion

to our cause, Kris.

You know, on Mars or right
here, you men are all the same.

[DOG WHINING]

[CAR ENGINE STARTING]

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING STOPS]

[♪♪♪]

Get out of the car, sweet bird.

What are you doing?

I said, what are you
doing around here?

Nothing!

I found this camera.

She was playing
around with the saucer.

She must have
been taking pictures.

All right.

Who are you really
working for, huh?

Who sent you?

Maybe she's a real cop.

Okay, look.

SABRINA: I'll tell
you who sent me.

I was sent from another galaxy.

I come from a planet

that you've never heard of.

PERINE: Listen, you smart-aleck.

You're gonna tell us

everything you found
out about this operation,

you understand?

She knows too much already.

I say we bury her
with the other one.

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]

Hi.

Hi... My, Miss Earhart.

Are you all set?

Yeah.

Okay, let's go. Up we go.

Where are we going?

Jim, I want to go back.

[♪♪♪]

Take it down.

Kelly, I'll crash
it. I'll kill us both.

No, you won't.

Keep your hands
where I can see them.

You didn't have
the courage, Jim.

You never did.

CHARLIE: Well, Joyce, tell
them what you're going to do

with the rest of the estate.

Put it into the African Project.

I think Aunt Charlotte
would've really liked it.

Are you going back soon?

Day after tomorrow.

Right now, my village seems
more civilized than here.

And thank you, Angels.

It was a good job.

Bosley... What's
the matter with you?

Hmm?

Didn't you think
it was a good job?

Well, the only think
I can think about

is the car that Sabrina
tried to escape in.

Oh... BOSLEY: No, no, no.

I mean, when that burned up,

I mean, the formula was lost,

once and for all.

I mean, that could've
made millions.

Could've been a boon
to all mankind, Charlie.

Bosley, it was a scam.
There's no miracle fuel.

But, Charlie, I
drove the car myself.

I mean, it ran. It was terrific.

It wasn't so terrific for me!

That's true.

The so-called fuel is
nothing more than acetone.

You mix it with a lot of water,

and it'll run an
engine beautifully.

There's only one
small problem...

It burns up the engine.

Yeah? And I was
ready to invest...

My own money.

Cheer up, Bos.

You had a lot of company.

As a matter of fact,

a con man once pulled the
same trick on Henry Ford.

Henry Ford? No kidding.

A great mind like that, huh?

Well, it makes it a little
more easy to understand

how a semi-great
mind could be fooled.

[♪♪♪]