Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 26, Episode 2 - Episode #26.2 - full transcript
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'Starstruck'
by Years & Years
Hello!
We're back!
Look at 'em! Look at 'em!
# I can't help it
# I get starstruck around you... #
Hello!
CHEERING
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Let's meet our two captains.
First up, it's Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Emily, who's on your team?
Now, then, to my right,
he's the man
we all miss waking up with
every single morning.
It's Nick Grimshaw!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And to my left, just to complete
this Northern sandwich of dreams,
it's the gorgeous Vernon Kay!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's a sexy team!
OK, let's meet
our other team captain.
It's Laura Whitmore!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Laura, who's on your team?
To my left, Radio 1 dreamboat,
my old pal from MTV days,
Rick... Rickie Haywood-Williams.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What's his name?
Rickie Haywood-Williams.
Rick ma-hemma-hena-haw...
It's a mouthful, to be fair.
I thought it was Rickie and Melvin.
I thought that's his name.
People used to call us that.
I never knew you had a surname!
I thought you were like Cher.
They call us Rickie Melvin.
"Rickie Melvin!"
No, they don't.
They do, seriously.
Rickie Melvin.
I'll call you Rickie Melvin.
Have you got anyone
that's involved in yeast,
or feast or east?
A feast for your eyes, perhaps.
It's Fleur East!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The Queen of the Yeast!
The Queen of Yeast.
Are you well, Fleur East?
I'm well, clear of the yeast,
I'm well.
LAUGHTER
Well, don't get a yeast infection.
LAUGHTER
Vernon, you've been married
for a long time now. Yeah.
What's the secret
to a successful marriage?
Is it because you've got
an on-and-off switch?
Yeah.
I think we've got a picture.
That's Vern-ON.
Oh, my God.
Then Tess does the switch,
and that's Vern-OFF.
LAUGHTER
Wow!
And then she goes,
"Oh, stop going on about
fucking American football!
"Switch off!"
We've got another picture
of you at home.
Here you are on.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And here you are off.
LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING
On!
We've got the switch here, actually.
You're on at the moment.
Let's see if we can switch you off.
Your showbiz smile, switch off.
LAUGHTER
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
Series 26, we've run out of ideas.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon, you've been having troubles
with squirrels at the moment?
Oh, God.
We've got a headline.
What the flip?!
Squirrels, they're like vermin,
really, aren't they?
They just gnaw your bin
and get in your rubbish.
Well, you may have won
the squirrel battle,
but you haven't won the war.
Have a look at this.
SQUEAKY CHATTER
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
We don't like talking animals.
APPLAUSE
SQUEAKY VOICE: Hey, Vernon.
Wanker!
Suck my nuts, you silly prick!
LAUGHTER
And he's still got
that shit mullet haircut.
LAUGHTER
You smell worse than your bins!
You're disgusting. Get a wash!
You're watching Celebrity Juice
on ITV2.
Vernon Kay's beating up a squirrel.
Fuck off!
Your live acts are bullshit!
APPLAUSE
Where's it gone?
Can we get the CCTV?
Has he gone into the dressing room?
HEAVY METAL
Oh, he has.
Here he is.
That's your dressing room, Vernon.
What's he doing?
Going through the bin.
Ooh. What's he writing?
"Bob the Builder"?
Oh, "Bolton bastard".
LAUGHTER
What's he doing now?
Oh, he's having a wee.
Ooh, the dirty pig!
EMILY: Deary me!
Aww!
LAUGHTER
Ohhh... "Bolton bastard".
APPLAUSE
Hey! It's Fleur East, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lovely fucking Fleur East! Lovely!
You're on the radio now.
I am on the radio.
Yeah, Hits Radio.
Hits Radio.
You interview famous people.
Yeah.
There you are with the Sheeran.
Me and Ed Sheeran.
You're on Saturday Night Takeaway
with Ant and Dec. Yes, I am.
They're lovely boys.
Does Ant always say...
AS ANT: "..You look great"?
"Aye, no, you look great."
"Nice to see you Floo-er."
LAUGHTER
Who is your favourite, Ant or Dec?
That's a tough question.
You can't choose.
You can't choose. You can't.
I guess I'm leaning towards Dec,
just because...
ALL EXCLAIM
You can't choose!
You're cancelled! You're cancelled!
When me and Emily were
in the jungle,
that was the year
that it was Dec and Holly.
Oh! So you know him more.
I've got a personal connection.
Yeah.
You know?
You've got a really talented tongue,
ain't you?
Who have you been talking to?
We've got a clip of you
using your talented tongue.
MUSIC: 'Astronaut In The Ocean'
by Masked Wolf
Watch the eyes.
# What you know about
Rolling down in the deep... #
ALL OOH AND APPLAUD
Can we see it in action live?
Yes.
Ooh...
Sorry, Mum.
ALL EXCLAIM
Gene Simmons can piss!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Can anyone else touch their nose
with their tongue?
No. No.
Is that not a normal thing?
Can you?
Oh, look at that!
Jesus, Christ, you could shove
your dinner up your nose!
Rickie Melvin's got
a really tiny tongue.
Look at this.
Look at your tiny tongue.
Tiny tongue, tiny tongue!
LAUGHTER
Look at his tiny tongue.
I wouldn't even bother having one.
You've got a tongue like
a tiny bell-end.
LAUGHTER
It's Nicholas Grimshaw!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hiya! You've got a new show
with Emma Willis.
Yeah.
The Great Homes Transformation.
Yeah. So you get Eamonn Holmes
and you transform him
into something
really super positive?
Yeah...
Into Chris Hemsworth.
LAUGHTER
Very positive.
Big up Eamonn Holmes,
he knows I love him.
What happens in the show?
So, we go to a house,
and it's a family
who hate the house.
And maybe
they're all living together,
but they all hate each other
because the house in't working.
So we'll redesign it
so that they can live there
and not kill each other.
It'd be better
if you transform Eamonn Holmes.
It would be better.
Although, he is lovely,
but it would nice
to see a different look.
Yeah, different hairstyles.
Laura, is Eamonn from
the same place as you?
He's from north.
So is his accent different?
It's different.
You don't say "sichiation"? I don't.
"What's the sichiation?
The fuckin' Cold War, so it is!
"Let me tell you,
don't fuckin' bother with that.
"Don't fucking bother with that.
He's a fucking BLEEP."
LAUGHTER
That sounds like Eamonn.
That's Eamonn.
I better do
the television programme
cos someone's written words
and I'm not saying any of them.
Welcome back. How are you?
LAUGHTER
What's life been like
since you left Radio 1?
Yeah, fine, yeah.
I'm not bothered about that.
Er... apparently, er...
You've been making some cash
as an Uber driver from Uber.
Yeah... have I?
LAUGHTER
You've got your own
celebrity taxi business.
Have I? Oh, yeah.
Yeah? Well, I'll give you a chance
now to promote your business.
Yeah?
Yeah.
OK, then, let's play...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hey!
So, here I am with Grimshaw
on a rickshaw.
This is what I'm gonna do.
Tonight, I'm gonna give you points
for your team,
but not only points,
I'm gonna give you - wait for this -
£1 million investment
for Grimshaw's Rickshaws.
Wow!
Yeah?
All you've got to do is
pick up three celebrities. OK.
Not punters, not real people,
but celebrities.
Celebrities.
Not three, but two,
I've just been told.
LAUGHTER
All you've got to do is
pick up two celebrities. Two.
Everyone's got a tagline
for their business, what's yours?
Mine's gonna be,
"Grimshaw's Rickshaws,
"we'll get you there 'for sures'."
Yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, are you ready?
I'm ready.
You will go on the sound
of the Victorian bicycle bell.
Oh.
KEITH CLEARS THROAT
MIMICS TWO-TONE HOOTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
BELL RINGS
Here we go. Here we go.
Off he goes,
in search of celebrity punters.
Oh, it's a bit lopsided!
Not punter-punters,
celebrity punters.
Fucking well hard!
You're not a celebrity, sorry.
I've seen a celebrity.
There he is!
I've seen a celebrity.
Look at his lovely rickshaw,
it's like Christmas on wheels.
The celebrity's Emily Atack!
Get on quick!
Is that a celebrity?
Quick, get on!
Get on. Don't mistake that
for a pissed-up real person!
It is a pissed-up celebrity!
Get her in your rickshaw, Grimshaw,
for sure!
Can she get in? She's so pissed up,
she can't get in.
"Aw, I can't get in this!
"You'll see my 'am sandwich!"
Get the camera away from my vagina.
I'll cover your vagina.
Oh, my God. I can't get in!
Cover yourself, woman!
CAR HORNS BEEPING
KEITH BLOWS RASPBERRY
Close your legs. Let's go!
EMILY SHRIEKING
Off he goes!
Here we go.
Oh, sorry, love.
It's only celebrities.
Sorry.
Look at the strain!
Oh. Here we go.
Oh, sorry,
we're only doing celebrities.
Oh, that's a real person.
Real person.
Vernon! Get in!
You pick up celebrities.
Is that Vernon Kay from T4?
BELL RINGS
Got him. You've got two.
Now go back to the studio!
You've got Emily Atack
from t'Inbetweenies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
But can you pedal?
I can't pedal!
Vernon Kay's dead heavy!
KEITH LAUGHING
It's uphill as well.
He's going uphill.
We're going!
Come on.
Don't shit yourself!
Ohhh!
CRASH
He's ridden into a truck!
Here we go, here we go.
Sorry, mate, it's only celebrities.
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Here we go.
We're back in. Here we go.
BELL RINGING
Here he comes. Here he is.
Oh, shit!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh! Are you all right?
EMILY: Oh, my God!
# I want to ride my bicycle
# Bicycle, bicycle... #
Here we go. Here we go.
We're here!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
NICK CHEERING
Who have you got?
EMILY:
Get me the fuck out of here!
We've got Vernon Kay from T4,
and we've got Emily Atack
from t'Inbetweenies!
That's two celebrities!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Give us your catchphrase
down the camera.
Er, Rickshaw's Grimshaws,
we'll get you there for sure!
Are you sure?
Nick Grimshaw, everyone.
That's a point for your team.
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
MUSIC: Shut Up And Drive
by Rihanna
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon, you're like t'Hulk.
Yeah. Have you ever wondered
what it'd be like
to put your head
in the Hulk's arsehole?
LAUGHTER
Do you know what? Yeah.
Well, let's play...
Hulk's Asshole!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So, in this game, our panellists
will go up to the Hulk's arse
and put their head through.
Then I will transport their head
onto another celebrity's body.
They will have to guess
which celebrity body they are upon.
First up, it's Laura Whitmore.
APPLAUSE
Are you ready?
Yeah.
I'm gonna transport your head
onto another celebrity's body now.
Ish-baysh!
LAUGHTER
Ask your teammates questions.
They can only answer yes or no.
Oh, OK.
Off you go.
Am I a... female?
Yes.
Am I fit?
Yeah!
Yes.
Am I here?
Yes.
Yes.
Am I Emily?
Yeah!
But which specific part?
Am I on Emily's vagina or something?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fuck's sake!
LAUGHTER
Next up, it's Vernon Kay!
Here he is. He looks like
a sexy pirate, doesn't he?
NICK: He does.
Aargh!
LAUGHTER
Right, you ready?
I'm ready.
Brishin-duysh!
Oh.
LAUGHTER
We might be here a while
with this one.
Am I a penis?
No.
Am I male?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I reckon,
from the position you're in,
that you're probably male.
Am I human?
No.
Oh! Am I an animal?
Yes.
Yes.
Do I have four legs?
Yes. I think so.
Do I bark?
No. No.
Do I meow?
No. No.
Wonder what noise they do make.
Are you a what?
A rodent?
Yes.
Yeah.
Am I a squirrel?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon Kay, everyone!
Next up, it's Rickie!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Rickie, you ready?
Ready.
Gonna transport your head now.
Mlup-bitinch-duhkoy!
ALL EXCLAIM
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Am I a body part?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
Erm, do I know the person
whose body part this is?
Yes.
Yes.
Erm...
do I present with this person?
Yes.
Kind of.
Is this person Melvin?
No. No.
Is this person Charlie?
No. No.
"Who else do I do it with?"
Is this person me?
Yeah! Yeah!
Is this body part of mine...
my bum hole?
No.
LAUGHTER
You're so filthy.
Is it my head?
No. No.
Oh, fuckin' hell!
We're gonna be here all night.
Emily also has a lovely...
this body part as well.
Yes.
Who, Emily?
Thank you so much.
Emily's lovely body parts.
Is it my chest?
Yes. Kind of.
More specific.
Is it my, er...? Is it my...
my nipples?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You are your very own milk trucks!
APPLAUSE
So, we're gonna bring Vernon
and Grimmy up to join you.
So, guys,
I'm gonna transport your heads
onto a different celebrity's body
now.
Ah-brrish-dayksh-shoko-ow!
EMILY: Oh, my God!
LAUGHTER
RICKY: What? What?
What?
What are you laughing at?
Grimmy, put your tongue out
to the bottom left,
to make it more realistic.
Me? Yeah.
Left.
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God, no!
Are we a...
comedy trio of actors?
I would say... yeah.
Yes.
Are we in a romp?
Yes.
Am I the lady?
No.
Do we look like we're having
a nice time? Yeah!
Who looks like they're
having the best time?
Vernon looks like he's having
the best time.
LAUGHTER
Are we in a pornographic movie?
CHEERING
LAUGHING: Oh! Oh!
LAUGHTER
Yes, you are in a porno.
Let's have a look.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm going for a wee.
I'll see you in three!
Coming up after t'break...
Laura has got two keys!
Oh! Grimmy's experiencing
antigravity!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Are you having a good time?
Are you having a good time?
Are you having a good time?
CHEERING
Vernon, I just want to check,
are you OK?
I'm good, thanks, Keith.
Are you sure?
Why, what's up?
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
Then let's play...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hi, here I am with Vernon Kay.
You can play this game at home
if, indeed, you do have one of these
silver strap-up bed things
that Vernon's brought in
from his own house.
So, all you've got to do
is just stay OK, keep smiling,
and just be OK for a point
for your team. All right.
Right, well, let's play, erm,
Are You O Kay?
LAUGHTER
Just keep smiling.
Keep smiling.
Are you OK? Oh, you're ticklish?
No, but are you OK?
I'm not ticklish!
Are you OK?
Yes, I'm OK.
Keep smiling. Look forward.
All right.
Aww...
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
I'm doing you a favour.
You are.
ALL EXCLAIM
Keep smiling. Show me the smile.
LAURA:
Oh, he's gone high! He's gone up.
ALL EXCLAIM
I got two. I got two!
ALL EXCLAIM
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
He's OK. My eyes are watering,
but I'm OK.
What are vampires scared of?
Garlic.
Yeah.
Keep smiling.
LAUGHTER
ALL EXCLAIM
Keep smiling.
Are you OK?
Oh! All this for one point
for his team.
LAUGHTER
Rickie, what you like at football?
Pretty good. You want to kick about
for a little bit?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's have a kickabout.
Vernon, you OK?
I'm OK.
Vernon Kay, are you OK?
I'm OK.
Keep smiling, showbiz smile.
Go on, Rickie.
Not in the face, Rickie!
Keep...
ALL EXCLAIM
Everything's fine, I'm OK!
Are you OK? I'm OK.
AUDIENCE SHOUTING OUT: Higher!
Higher! Higher
ALL EXCLAIM
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
You look a bit hot.
Let me cool you down.
LAURA: No!
This is so fucked up.
No, don't you dare!
LAUGHTER
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm OK.
LAUGHTER
I'm a big fan of Cara Delevingne.
Actually, do you know what?
It looks quite nice.
No, you look like a Bolton bastard
to me.
LAUGHTER
The detail on that!
LAUGHTER
Fuck's sake!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Are you OK?
I'm not any more!
Remember those squirrels
you pissed off? Yeah.
The squirrel's come back
with his son.
Is that the one who punched you,
Dad?
LAUGHTER
Let's fuckin' get him!
You fuckin' punched my dad?!
Ooh, he's angry, look!
His nuts, get to work, Dad!
LAUGHTER
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm not OK!
I'm not OK any more, Keith!
Fuckin' punching my dad?!
LAUGHTER
Right!
You better run.
I'm gonna count to ten.
One, two, three, four, five...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..six, seven, eight...
Are you OK?
Not any more.
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm OK, Keith.
Then you've won a point!
Vernon Kay, everyone!
Vernon Kay, the legend!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Emily, never guess who I bumped into
the other day.
Oh, fucking hell, who?
King of motion-capture himself,
Andy Serkis.
You know Andy Serkis,
he does King Kong.
He was Gollum as well.
Well, he's come up with an idea
with a virtual-reality headset
that's gonna be a gameshow,
if it takes off.
I said, "You should come to Juice
and we'll try it out."
You know what? He's here tonight.
Please welcome Andy Serkis,
everyone! No way!
APPLAUSE,
CINEMATIC MUSIC
Wow! Andy Serkis!
Good to see ya.
Thanks, pleasure. Pleasure.
Lovely to meet you.
Oh, you've brought in the headsets.
They are very realistic headsets.
Wow! You look through here
and it looks like a virtual world?
Yes.
Incredible. While you're here...
Yes. ..do you think you could do
a little bit of King Kong for us?
Absolutely. Ready?
Go on.
It helps to have these here and here
to get a realistic sound.
BALLS CLACKING
Oh, yes!
LAUGHTER,
ANDY GRUNTING LIKE A GORILLA
BALLS CLACKING
What about the alien
coming out the belly?
Were you the alien?
I was indeed.
Oh, you was?
Can you do that as well?
Yeah.
ANDY GRUNTING, SCREAMING
Yeah, yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Was it true that in Basic Instinct,
you were Sharon Stone's ham sandwich
when she crossed her legs?
Yes.
Can you do that as well?
LAUGHTER
Andy Serkis, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You want to play a game where our
panellists go into a virtual world
and it's like an assault course?
Yeah, sounds like fun.
Let's play it, then!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Here I am in the Virtual Reality
Race with Andy Serkis.
Talk us through the course.
They go through different portals.
Yes.
The first portal is Pirate World,
yes?
Pirate World, yes. Where they have
to avoid all the alligators.
How is this made possible?
As you can see, they are wearing
these VR headsets.
It's VR headsets
that makes this possible.
Then they go into Space World,
avoiding all the meteorites
and flying saucers.
How is that made possible?
We use a very interesting technique,
the VR headsets.
The VR headsets makes this possible.
And then they go
through the wormhole
into Dinosaur World.
How are the dinosaurs made real?
Cutting-edge technology,
VR headsets.
VR headsets!
Then into the final world,
City of Atlantis.
The boat is not real, is it?
Oh, no, no, no.
See, it's all made possible
by the VR headsets.
By the VR headsets.
Then you'll go through that portal
into the studio.
The winning person will
get the point for their team.
Laura, what can you see?
Like, my dreams dying in my head.
LAUGHTER
OK...
KEITH GUFFAWS
OK, guys, you will go
on the sound of the air horn.
Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah.
OK, three, two, one...
AIR HORN HONKS
Go! Off they go! Come on.
Through the first portal
into Pirate Land.
Oh! Oh!
They are trying to avoid
all the crocodiles!
Alligators.
What is that?!
Oh, there's cannonballs,
there's cannonballs, yes?
Cannonballs.
BOOMING
Virtual reality, my friends.
This is incredible,
thanks to Andy Serkis.
Vernon's over there!
Vernon is in Space World right now.
What can you see?
I can see a new galaxy.
LAUGHTER
He can see a new galaxy.
Is it incredible? Unbelievable.
Thanks to virtual reality
supplied by Andy Serkis,
who played Gollum, "Precious!"
I don't know what I'm doing now.
What am I doing?
NICK: Wow!
Avoid the flying saucers.
Avoid 'em.
Emily, through the wormhole.
Through the wormhole.
Yes. There it is.
What can you see?
Emily, what can you see?
LAUGHTER
EMILY: Oh, my God!
LAUGHING
Oh, Grimmy's experiencing
antigravity!
It's all virtual reality!
Wow! This is incredible!
LAUGHTER
Laura's got two keys,
Laura's got two keys!
SHRIEKING
LAURA:
Am I going the right fucking way?
Agh! Fuck off!
Oh! We're in Dinosaur World.
Who's in Dinosaur World?
DINOSAUR ROARING
Grimmy's in Dinosaur World.
Watch out for the dinosaurs!
EMILY SCREAMING
He's going through the portal
into Atlantis!
LAUGHTER
Beware of the mermaid,
they might look sexy.
but they ain't sexy.
THUMP
Grimmy's getting on the boat!
Grimmy's getting on the boat!
Whoa! Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh...
What is that?!
Row! Row with the sticks!
The virtual sticks!
Oh! Grimmy is coming in the studio,
using his virtual rowing ores.
THUNDER RUMBLING
LAURA SHRIEKING
Cross the finishing line!
Cross the finishing line.
Oh, my God!
YELLING
Nick, go! Get in!
Get in! Get in!
Let's see how everyone else
is getting on.
Laura's team,
Laura's team is on the boat!
Laura's team is on the boat!
Vernon Kay is on Laura's boat!
He didn't get on
his own team's boat.
He's on the wrong boat,
he's on the wrong boat!
Come on.
This way, this way, this way,
this way, this way.
This way.
This way.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow!
Andy Serkis, that was incredible.
Thanks for supplying this game.
I really think it's gonna be a hit.
I think so, too.
We have a lot of elements to add.
How was the magic made possible?
You see, VR headsets.
VR headsets made it possible!
LAUGHTER
The winning team was Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you to Andy Serkis!
The scores at the end of that round
are... Shi-ting!
We are going to a virtual break.
We'll see you in three.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Coming up after t'break...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back
to Celebrity Juice!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All to play for in this final round,
it's the Buzzer Round!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer and buzz in.
Emily, what's your buzzer?
'Bolton!'
"Bolton!"
LAUGHTER
VERNON: "Bolton!"
Laura, what's your buzzer?
'Melvin is my best friend,
and I miss him on this programme.
'I wish he was with me.'
OK. Here's the first question.
A point for Fleur East
if she can point east
after spinning around
ten times on the stage.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Ready? Go!
# You spin me right round, baby
Right round... #
..five, six, seven...
# Baby, right round, right round. #
Point east!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah, that's east!
No, that's north-east.
No, we haven't got a compass,
so we just don't know.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A point to Rickie
if he plays the keyboard,
which is under his desk.
RICKY: Oh.
With his tiny tongue.
VERNON:
Get your tongue out for the lads.
PLAYS NOTES
PLAYING UP A SCALE
FLEUR: Ooh, hello.
MASHES NOTES,
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Eastenders!
Yeah, that's good.
Fleur East, point if you can tell me
who this is.
LAUGHTER
Oh, er, East 17!
No, it's Fleur East 17.
ALL EXCLAIM
In honour of Vernon Kay,
it's time to play a round
of Family Fortunes.
We asked a hundred squirrels...
LAUGHTER
..who their favourite
Family Fortunes presenter is.
Buzz in if you know the top answer.
'I'm better looking than
Paddy McGuinness from Bolton!'
Who is it, team?
Is it Les Dennis?
Our survey says...
SAD BUZZER
'Melvin is my best friend
and I miss him on this programme.
'I wish he was with me.'
That's Laura's team.
Is it Gino?
Is it Gino D'Acampo?
DING
SHOUTING,
SCREAMING
Get him!
LAUGHTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
First person who can tell me
who knocked Fleur out
of the first time
she was on X Factor.
'I love kissing Melvin's
sexy, shiny head.'
LAUGHTER
That's Laura's team.
It was Chico.
That's correct. It was Chico Time.
A point to whoever can do the best
Chico dance on stage right now,
out of Vernon, Grimmy,
and Rickie.
# It's Chico time... #
Chico time!
What do you want me to do?
His dance.
CHEERING
ALL EXCLAIM
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, hang on!
Vernon thinks he can take him.
# It's Chico time... #
# It's Chico time! #
Oh, oh, oh!
LAUGHTER
Oh! Moonwalking! Moonwalking!
ALL EXCLAIM
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
DING
I can't beat that.
He can't beat that.
I can't beat that.
You can't beat talent.
Apparently, Grimmy doesn't like it
when people sing to him.
A point to Fleur East if she can
sing one of her songs a cappella.
Right, go over to him
and sing right to him.
Come on, Fleur!
You hate people singing at you.
# I need a stand-up brother
# With that James Brown soul... #
ALL CLAPPING ALONG
# The type of red-hot love
That got me freezin' cold... #
Go on, Fleur!
# Say you can go all night
The way you lay that track
# But if you wanna hear me sing
You better play that sax! #
DING,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fleur East!
A point to Vernon if he apologises
to both squirrels
and makes up with them.
For the sake of squirrel...
the squirrel community,
I apologise,
and I'll let you play with my nuts
anytime.
DING
I'll give you it, well done.
HOOTER,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That's the end of the Buzzer Round
and this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you
the winning team is...
Ooohhh!
The winning team is...
Emily's team!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through t'week,
I'll see through t'window.
Good luck with your business.
Let's dance!
MUSIC: 'Sax'
by Fleur East
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# The type of red-hot love
That got me freezin' cold
# Say you can go all night
The way you lay that track
# But if you wanna hear me sing
You better play that sax
# Gimme some... #
Goodbye, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'Starstruck'
by Years & Years
Hello!
We're back!
Look at 'em! Look at 'em!
# I can't help it
# I get starstruck around you... #
Hello!
CHEERING
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Let's meet our two captains.
First up, it's Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Emily, who's on your team?
Now, then, to my right,
he's the man
we all miss waking up with
every single morning.
It's Nick Grimshaw!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And to my left, just to complete
this Northern sandwich of dreams,
it's the gorgeous Vernon Kay!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's a sexy team!
OK, let's meet
our other team captain.
It's Laura Whitmore!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Laura, who's on your team?
To my left, Radio 1 dreamboat,
my old pal from MTV days,
Rick... Rickie Haywood-Williams.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What's his name?
Rickie Haywood-Williams.
Rick ma-hemma-hena-haw...
It's a mouthful, to be fair.
I thought it was Rickie and Melvin.
I thought that's his name.
People used to call us that.
I never knew you had a surname!
I thought you were like Cher.
They call us Rickie Melvin.
"Rickie Melvin!"
No, they don't.
They do, seriously.
Rickie Melvin.
I'll call you Rickie Melvin.
Have you got anyone
that's involved in yeast,
or feast or east?
A feast for your eyes, perhaps.
It's Fleur East!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The Queen of the Yeast!
The Queen of Yeast.
Are you well, Fleur East?
I'm well, clear of the yeast,
I'm well.
LAUGHTER
Well, don't get a yeast infection.
LAUGHTER
Vernon, you've been married
for a long time now. Yeah.
What's the secret
to a successful marriage?
Is it because you've got
an on-and-off switch?
Yeah.
I think we've got a picture.
That's Vern-ON.
Oh, my God.
Then Tess does the switch,
and that's Vern-OFF.
LAUGHTER
Wow!
And then she goes,
"Oh, stop going on about
fucking American football!
"Switch off!"
We've got another picture
of you at home.
Here you are on.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And here you are off.
LAUGHTER AND SCREAMING
On!
We've got the switch here, actually.
You're on at the moment.
Let's see if we can switch you off.
Your showbiz smile, switch off.
LAUGHTER
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
On.
Off.
Series 26, we've run out of ideas.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon, you've been having troubles
with squirrels at the moment?
Oh, God.
We've got a headline.
What the flip?!
Squirrels, they're like vermin,
really, aren't they?
They just gnaw your bin
and get in your rubbish.
Well, you may have won
the squirrel battle,
but you haven't won the war.
Have a look at this.
SQUEAKY CHATTER
LAUGHTER
LAUGHTER
We don't like talking animals.
APPLAUSE
SQUEAKY VOICE: Hey, Vernon.
Wanker!
Suck my nuts, you silly prick!
LAUGHTER
And he's still got
that shit mullet haircut.
LAUGHTER
You smell worse than your bins!
You're disgusting. Get a wash!
You're watching Celebrity Juice
on ITV2.
Vernon Kay's beating up a squirrel.
Fuck off!
Your live acts are bullshit!
APPLAUSE
Where's it gone?
Can we get the CCTV?
Has he gone into the dressing room?
HEAVY METAL
Oh, he has.
Here he is.
That's your dressing room, Vernon.
What's he doing?
Going through the bin.
Ooh. What's he writing?
"Bob the Builder"?
Oh, "Bolton bastard".
LAUGHTER
What's he doing now?
Oh, he's having a wee.
Ooh, the dirty pig!
EMILY: Deary me!
Aww!
LAUGHTER
Ohhh... "Bolton bastard".
APPLAUSE
Hey! It's Fleur East, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Lovely fucking Fleur East! Lovely!
You're on the radio now.
I am on the radio.
Yeah, Hits Radio.
Hits Radio.
You interview famous people.
Yeah.
There you are with the Sheeran.
Me and Ed Sheeran.
You're on Saturday Night Takeaway
with Ant and Dec. Yes, I am.
They're lovely boys.
Does Ant always say...
AS ANT: "..You look great"?
"Aye, no, you look great."
"Nice to see you Floo-er."
LAUGHTER
Who is your favourite, Ant or Dec?
That's a tough question.
You can't choose.
You can't choose. You can't.
I guess I'm leaning towards Dec,
just because...
ALL EXCLAIM
You can't choose!
You're cancelled! You're cancelled!
When me and Emily were
in the jungle,
that was the year
that it was Dec and Holly.
Oh! So you know him more.
I've got a personal connection.
Yeah.
You know?
You've got a really talented tongue,
ain't you?
Who have you been talking to?
We've got a clip of you
using your talented tongue.
MUSIC: 'Astronaut In The Ocean'
by Masked Wolf
Watch the eyes.
# What you know about
Rolling down in the deep... #
ALL OOH AND APPLAUD
Can we see it in action live?
Yes.
Ooh...
Sorry, Mum.
ALL EXCLAIM
Gene Simmons can piss!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Can anyone else touch their nose
with their tongue?
No. No.
Is that not a normal thing?
Can you?
Oh, look at that!
Jesus, Christ, you could shove
your dinner up your nose!
Rickie Melvin's got
a really tiny tongue.
Look at this.
Look at your tiny tongue.
Tiny tongue, tiny tongue!
LAUGHTER
Look at his tiny tongue.
I wouldn't even bother having one.
You've got a tongue like
a tiny bell-end.
LAUGHTER
It's Nicholas Grimshaw!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hiya! You've got a new show
with Emma Willis.
Yeah.
The Great Homes Transformation.
Yeah. So you get Eamonn Holmes
and you transform him
into something
really super positive?
Yeah...
Into Chris Hemsworth.
LAUGHTER
Very positive.
Big up Eamonn Holmes,
he knows I love him.
What happens in the show?
So, we go to a house,
and it's a family
who hate the house.
And maybe
they're all living together,
but they all hate each other
because the house in't working.
So we'll redesign it
so that they can live there
and not kill each other.
It'd be better
if you transform Eamonn Holmes.
It would be better.
Although, he is lovely,
but it would nice
to see a different look.
Yeah, different hairstyles.
Laura, is Eamonn from
the same place as you?
He's from north.
So is his accent different?
It's different.
You don't say "sichiation"? I don't.
"What's the sichiation?
The fuckin' Cold War, so it is!
"Let me tell you,
don't fuckin' bother with that.
"Don't fucking bother with that.
He's a fucking BLEEP."
LAUGHTER
That sounds like Eamonn.
That's Eamonn.
I better do
the television programme
cos someone's written words
and I'm not saying any of them.
Welcome back. How are you?
LAUGHTER
What's life been like
since you left Radio 1?
Yeah, fine, yeah.
I'm not bothered about that.
Er... apparently, er...
You've been making some cash
as an Uber driver from Uber.
Yeah... have I?
LAUGHTER
You've got your own
celebrity taxi business.
Have I? Oh, yeah.
Yeah? Well, I'll give you a chance
now to promote your business.
Yeah?
Yeah.
OK, then, let's play...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hey!
So, here I am with Grimshaw
on a rickshaw.
This is what I'm gonna do.
Tonight, I'm gonna give you points
for your team,
but not only points,
I'm gonna give you - wait for this -
£1 million investment
for Grimshaw's Rickshaws.
Wow!
Yeah?
All you've got to do is
pick up three celebrities. OK.
Not punters, not real people,
but celebrities.
Celebrities.
Not three, but two,
I've just been told.
LAUGHTER
All you've got to do is
pick up two celebrities. Two.
Everyone's got a tagline
for their business, what's yours?
Mine's gonna be,
"Grimshaw's Rickshaws,
"we'll get you there 'for sures'."
Yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, are you ready?
I'm ready.
You will go on the sound
of the Victorian bicycle bell.
Oh.
KEITH CLEARS THROAT
MIMICS TWO-TONE HOOTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
BELL RINGS
Here we go. Here we go.
Off he goes,
in search of celebrity punters.
Oh, it's a bit lopsided!
Not punter-punters,
celebrity punters.
Fucking well hard!
You're not a celebrity, sorry.
I've seen a celebrity.
There he is!
I've seen a celebrity.
Look at his lovely rickshaw,
it's like Christmas on wheels.
The celebrity's Emily Atack!
Get on quick!
Is that a celebrity?
Quick, get on!
Get on. Don't mistake that
for a pissed-up real person!
It is a pissed-up celebrity!
Get her in your rickshaw, Grimshaw,
for sure!
Can she get in? She's so pissed up,
she can't get in.
"Aw, I can't get in this!
"You'll see my 'am sandwich!"
Get the camera away from my vagina.
I'll cover your vagina.
Oh, my God. I can't get in!
Cover yourself, woman!
CAR HORNS BEEPING
KEITH BLOWS RASPBERRY
Close your legs. Let's go!
EMILY SHRIEKING
Off he goes!
Here we go.
Oh, sorry, love.
It's only celebrities.
Sorry.
Look at the strain!
Oh. Here we go.
Oh, sorry,
we're only doing celebrities.
Oh, that's a real person.
Real person.
Vernon! Get in!
You pick up celebrities.
Is that Vernon Kay from T4?
BELL RINGS
Got him. You've got two.
Now go back to the studio!
You've got Emily Atack
from t'Inbetweenies.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
But can you pedal?
I can't pedal!
Vernon Kay's dead heavy!
KEITH LAUGHING
It's uphill as well.
He's going uphill.
We're going!
Come on.
Don't shit yourself!
Ohhh!
CRASH
He's ridden into a truck!
Here we go, here we go.
Sorry, mate, it's only celebrities.
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Here we go.
We're back in. Here we go.
BELL RINGING
Here he comes. Here he is.
Oh, shit!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh! Are you all right?
EMILY: Oh, my God!
# I want to ride my bicycle
# Bicycle, bicycle... #
Here we go. Here we go.
We're here!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
NICK CHEERING
Who have you got?
EMILY:
Get me the fuck out of here!
We've got Vernon Kay from T4,
and we've got Emily Atack
from t'Inbetweenies!
That's two celebrities!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Give us your catchphrase
down the camera.
Er, Rickshaw's Grimshaws,
we'll get you there for sure!
Are you sure?
Nick Grimshaw, everyone.
That's a point for your team.
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
MUSIC: Shut Up And Drive
by Rihanna
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon, you're like t'Hulk.
Yeah. Have you ever wondered
what it'd be like
to put your head
in the Hulk's arsehole?
LAUGHTER
Do you know what? Yeah.
Well, let's play...
Hulk's Asshole!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So, in this game, our panellists
will go up to the Hulk's arse
and put their head through.
Then I will transport their head
onto another celebrity's body.
They will have to guess
which celebrity body they are upon.
First up, it's Laura Whitmore.
APPLAUSE
Are you ready?
Yeah.
I'm gonna transport your head
onto another celebrity's body now.
Ish-baysh!
LAUGHTER
Ask your teammates questions.
They can only answer yes or no.
Oh, OK.
Off you go.
Am I a... female?
Yes.
Am I fit?
Yeah!
Yes.
Am I here?
Yes.
Yes.
Am I Emily?
Yeah!
But which specific part?
Am I on Emily's vagina or something?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fuck's sake!
LAUGHTER
Next up, it's Vernon Kay!
Here he is. He looks like
a sexy pirate, doesn't he?
NICK: He does.
Aargh!
LAUGHTER
Right, you ready?
I'm ready.
Brishin-duysh!
Oh.
LAUGHTER
We might be here a while
with this one.
Am I a penis?
No.
Am I male?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I reckon,
from the position you're in,
that you're probably male.
Am I human?
No.
Oh! Am I an animal?
Yes.
Yes.
Do I have four legs?
Yes. I think so.
Do I bark?
No. No.
Do I meow?
No. No.
Wonder what noise they do make.
Are you a what?
A rodent?
Yes.
Yeah.
Am I a squirrel?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Vernon Kay, everyone!
Next up, it's Rickie!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Rickie, you ready?
Ready.
Gonna transport your head now.
Mlup-bitinch-duhkoy!
ALL EXCLAIM
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Am I a body part?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
Erm, do I know the person
whose body part this is?
Yes.
Yes.
Erm...
do I present with this person?
Yes.
Kind of.
Is this person Melvin?
No. No.
Is this person Charlie?
No. No.
"Who else do I do it with?"
Is this person me?
Yeah! Yeah!
Is this body part of mine...
my bum hole?
No.
LAUGHTER
You're so filthy.
Is it my head?
No. No.
Oh, fuckin' hell!
We're gonna be here all night.
Emily also has a lovely...
this body part as well.
Yes.
Who, Emily?
Thank you so much.
Emily's lovely body parts.
Is it my chest?
Yes. Kind of.
More specific.
Is it my, er...? Is it my...
my nipples?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You are your very own milk trucks!
APPLAUSE
So, we're gonna bring Vernon
and Grimmy up to join you.
So, guys,
I'm gonna transport your heads
onto a different celebrity's body
now.
Ah-brrish-dayksh-shoko-ow!
EMILY: Oh, my God!
LAUGHTER
RICKY: What? What?
What?
What are you laughing at?
Grimmy, put your tongue out
to the bottom left,
to make it more realistic.
Me? Yeah.
Left.
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God, no!
Are we a...
comedy trio of actors?
I would say... yeah.
Yes.
Are we in a romp?
Yes.
Am I the lady?
No.
Do we look like we're having
a nice time? Yeah!
Who looks like they're
having the best time?
Vernon looks like he's having
the best time.
LAUGHTER
Are we in a pornographic movie?
CHEERING
LAUGHING: Oh! Oh!
LAUGHTER
Yes, you are in a porno.
Let's have a look.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm going for a wee.
I'll see you in three!
Coming up after t'break...
Laura has got two keys!
Oh! Grimmy's experiencing
antigravity!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Are you having a good time?
Are you having a good time?
Are you having a good time?
CHEERING
Vernon, I just want to check,
are you OK?
I'm good, thanks, Keith.
Are you sure?
Why, what's up?
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
Then let's play...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hi, here I am with Vernon Kay.
You can play this game at home
if, indeed, you do have one of these
silver strap-up bed things
that Vernon's brought in
from his own house.
So, all you've got to do
is just stay OK, keep smiling,
and just be OK for a point
for your team. All right.
Right, well, let's play, erm,
Are You O Kay?
LAUGHTER
Just keep smiling.
Keep smiling.
Are you OK? Oh, you're ticklish?
No, but are you OK?
I'm not ticklish!
Are you OK?
Yes, I'm OK.
Keep smiling. Look forward.
All right.
Aww...
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
I'm doing you a favour.
You are.
ALL EXCLAIM
Keep smiling. Show me the smile.
LAURA:
Oh, he's gone high! He's gone up.
ALL EXCLAIM
I got two. I got two!
ALL EXCLAIM
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
He's OK. My eyes are watering,
but I'm OK.
What are vampires scared of?
Garlic.
Yeah.
Keep smiling.
LAUGHTER
ALL EXCLAIM
Keep smiling.
Are you OK?
Oh! All this for one point
for his team.
LAUGHTER
Rickie, what you like at football?
Pretty good. You want to kick about
for a little bit?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's have a kickabout.
Vernon, you OK?
I'm OK.
Vernon Kay, are you OK?
I'm OK.
Keep smiling, showbiz smile.
Go on, Rickie.
Not in the face, Rickie!
Keep...
ALL EXCLAIM
Everything's fine, I'm OK!
Are you OK? I'm OK.
AUDIENCE SHOUTING OUT: Higher!
Higher! Higher
ALL EXCLAIM
Are you OK?
I'm OK.
You look a bit hot.
Let me cool you down.
LAURA: No!
This is so fucked up.
No, don't you dare!
LAUGHTER
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm OK.
LAUGHTER
I'm a big fan of Cara Delevingne.
Actually, do you know what?
It looks quite nice.
No, you look like a Bolton bastard
to me.
LAUGHTER
The detail on that!
LAUGHTER
Fuck's sake!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Are you OK?
I'm not any more!
Remember those squirrels
you pissed off? Yeah.
The squirrel's come back
with his son.
Is that the one who punched you,
Dad?
LAUGHTER
Let's fuckin' get him!
You fuckin' punched my dad?!
Ooh, he's angry, look!
His nuts, get to work, Dad!
LAUGHTER
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm not OK!
I'm not OK any more, Keith!
Fuckin' punching my dad?!
LAUGHTER
Right!
You better run.
I'm gonna count to ten.
One, two, three, four, five...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..six, seven, eight...
Are you OK?
Not any more.
Vernon, are you OK?
I'm OK, Keith.
Then you've won a point!
Vernon Kay, everyone!
Vernon Kay, the legend!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are... Shi-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Emily, never guess who I bumped into
the other day.
Oh, fucking hell, who?
King of motion-capture himself,
Andy Serkis.
You know Andy Serkis,
he does King Kong.
He was Gollum as well.
Well, he's come up with an idea
with a virtual-reality headset
that's gonna be a gameshow,
if it takes off.
I said, "You should come to Juice
and we'll try it out."
You know what? He's here tonight.
Please welcome Andy Serkis,
everyone! No way!
APPLAUSE,
CINEMATIC MUSIC
Wow! Andy Serkis!
Good to see ya.
Thanks, pleasure. Pleasure.
Lovely to meet you.
Oh, you've brought in the headsets.
They are very realistic headsets.
Wow! You look through here
and it looks like a virtual world?
Yes.
Incredible. While you're here...
Yes. ..do you think you could do
a little bit of King Kong for us?
Absolutely. Ready?
Go on.
It helps to have these here and here
to get a realistic sound.
BALLS CLACKING
Oh, yes!
LAUGHTER,
ANDY GRUNTING LIKE A GORILLA
BALLS CLACKING
What about the alien
coming out the belly?
Were you the alien?
I was indeed.
Oh, you was?
Can you do that as well?
Yeah.
ANDY GRUNTING, SCREAMING
Yeah, yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Was it true that in Basic Instinct,
you were Sharon Stone's ham sandwich
when she crossed her legs?
Yes.
Can you do that as well?
LAUGHTER
Andy Serkis, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You want to play a game where our
panellists go into a virtual world
and it's like an assault course?
Yeah, sounds like fun.
Let's play it, then!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Here I am in the Virtual Reality
Race with Andy Serkis.
Talk us through the course.
They go through different portals.
Yes.
The first portal is Pirate World,
yes?
Pirate World, yes. Where they have
to avoid all the alligators.
How is this made possible?
As you can see, they are wearing
these VR headsets.
It's VR headsets
that makes this possible.
Then they go into Space World,
avoiding all the meteorites
and flying saucers.
How is that made possible?
We use a very interesting technique,
the VR headsets.
The VR headsets makes this possible.
And then they go
through the wormhole
into Dinosaur World.
How are the dinosaurs made real?
Cutting-edge technology,
VR headsets.
VR headsets!
Then into the final world,
City of Atlantis.
The boat is not real, is it?
Oh, no, no, no.
See, it's all made possible
by the VR headsets.
By the VR headsets.
Then you'll go through that portal
into the studio.
The winning person will
get the point for their team.
Laura, what can you see?
Like, my dreams dying in my head.
LAUGHTER
OK...
KEITH GUFFAWS
OK, guys, you will go
on the sound of the air horn.
Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah.
OK, three, two, one...
AIR HORN HONKS
Go! Off they go! Come on.
Through the first portal
into Pirate Land.
Oh! Oh!
They are trying to avoid
all the crocodiles!
Alligators.
What is that?!
Oh, there's cannonballs,
there's cannonballs, yes?
Cannonballs.
BOOMING
Virtual reality, my friends.
This is incredible,
thanks to Andy Serkis.
Vernon's over there!
Vernon is in Space World right now.
What can you see?
I can see a new galaxy.
LAUGHTER
He can see a new galaxy.
Is it incredible? Unbelievable.
Thanks to virtual reality
supplied by Andy Serkis,
who played Gollum, "Precious!"
I don't know what I'm doing now.
What am I doing?
NICK: Wow!
Avoid the flying saucers.
Avoid 'em.
Emily, through the wormhole.
Through the wormhole.
Yes. There it is.
What can you see?
Emily, what can you see?
LAUGHTER
EMILY: Oh, my God!
LAUGHING
Oh, Grimmy's experiencing
antigravity!
It's all virtual reality!
Wow! This is incredible!
LAUGHTER
Laura's got two keys,
Laura's got two keys!
SHRIEKING
LAURA:
Am I going the right fucking way?
Agh! Fuck off!
Oh! We're in Dinosaur World.
Who's in Dinosaur World?
DINOSAUR ROARING
Grimmy's in Dinosaur World.
Watch out for the dinosaurs!
EMILY SCREAMING
He's going through the portal
into Atlantis!
LAUGHTER
Beware of the mermaid,
they might look sexy.
but they ain't sexy.
THUMP
Grimmy's getting on the boat!
Grimmy's getting on the boat!
Whoa! Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh...
What is that?!
Row! Row with the sticks!
The virtual sticks!
Oh! Grimmy is coming in the studio,
using his virtual rowing ores.
THUNDER RUMBLING
LAURA SHRIEKING
Cross the finishing line!
Cross the finishing line.
Oh, my God!
YELLING
Nick, go! Get in!
Get in! Get in!
Let's see how everyone else
is getting on.
Laura's team,
Laura's team is on the boat!
Laura's team is on the boat!
Vernon Kay is on Laura's boat!
He didn't get on
his own team's boat.
He's on the wrong boat,
he's on the wrong boat!
Come on.
This way, this way, this way,
this way, this way.
This way.
This way.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow!
Andy Serkis, that was incredible.
Thanks for supplying this game.
I really think it's gonna be a hit.
I think so, too.
We have a lot of elements to add.
How was the magic made possible?
You see, VR headsets.
VR headsets made it possible!
LAUGHTER
The winning team was Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you to Andy Serkis!
The scores at the end of that round
are... Shi-ting!
We are going to a virtual break.
We'll see you in three.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Coming up after t'break...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back
to Celebrity Juice!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All to play for in this final round,
it's the Buzzer Round!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer and buzz in.
Emily, what's your buzzer?
'Bolton!'
"Bolton!"
LAUGHTER
VERNON: "Bolton!"
Laura, what's your buzzer?
'Melvin is my best friend,
and I miss him on this programme.
'I wish he was with me.'
OK. Here's the first question.
A point for Fleur East
if she can point east
after spinning around
ten times on the stage.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Ready? Go!
# You spin me right round, baby
Right round... #
..five, six, seven...
# Baby, right round, right round. #
Point east!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah, that's east!
No, that's north-east.
No, we haven't got a compass,
so we just don't know.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A point to Rickie
if he plays the keyboard,
which is under his desk.
RICKY: Oh.
With his tiny tongue.
VERNON:
Get your tongue out for the lads.
PLAYS NOTES
PLAYING UP A SCALE
FLEUR: Ooh, hello.
MASHES NOTES,
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Eastenders!
Yeah, that's good.
Fleur East, point if you can tell me
who this is.
LAUGHTER
Oh, er, East 17!
No, it's Fleur East 17.
ALL EXCLAIM
In honour of Vernon Kay,
it's time to play a round
of Family Fortunes.
We asked a hundred squirrels...
LAUGHTER
..who their favourite
Family Fortunes presenter is.
Buzz in if you know the top answer.
'I'm better looking than
Paddy McGuinness from Bolton!'
Who is it, team?
Is it Les Dennis?
Our survey says...
SAD BUZZER
'Melvin is my best friend
and I miss him on this programme.
'I wish he was with me.'
That's Laura's team.
Is it Gino?
Is it Gino D'Acampo?
DING
SHOUTING,
SCREAMING
Get him!
LAUGHTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
First person who can tell me
who knocked Fleur out
of the first time
she was on X Factor.
'I love kissing Melvin's
sexy, shiny head.'
LAUGHTER
That's Laura's team.
It was Chico.
That's correct. It was Chico Time.
A point to whoever can do the best
Chico dance on stage right now,
out of Vernon, Grimmy,
and Rickie.
# It's Chico time... #
Chico time!
What do you want me to do?
His dance.
CHEERING
ALL EXCLAIM
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, hang on!
Vernon thinks he can take him.
# It's Chico time... #
# It's Chico time! #
Oh, oh, oh!
LAUGHTER
Oh! Moonwalking! Moonwalking!
ALL EXCLAIM
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
DING
I can't beat that.
He can't beat that.
I can't beat that.
You can't beat talent.
Apparently, Grimmy doesn't like it
when people sing to him.
A point to Fleur East if she can
sing one of her songs a cappella.
Right, go over to him
and sing right to him.
Come on, Fleur!
You hate people singing at you.
# I need a stand-up brother
# With that James Brown soul... #
ALL CLAPPING ALONG
# The type of red-hot love
That got me freezin' cold... #
Go on, Fleur!
# Say you can go all night
The way you lay that track
# But if you wanna hear me sing
You better play that sax! #
DING,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fleur East!
A point to Vernon if he apologises
to both squirrels
and makes up with them.
For the sake of squirrel...
the squirrel community,
I apologise,
and I'll let you play with my nuts
anytime.
DING
I'll give you it, well done.
HOOTER,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That's the end of the Buzzer Round
and this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you
the winning team is...
Ooohhh!
The winning team is...
Emily's team!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through t'week,
I'll see through t'window.
Good luck with your business.
Let's dance!
MUSIC: 'Sax'
by Fleur East
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# The type of red-hot love
That got me freezin' cold
# Say you can go all night
The way you lay that track
# But if you wanna hear me sing
You better play that sax
# Gimme some... #
Goodbye, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE