Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 24, Episode 2 - Halloween Special - full transcript
Keith Lemon and team captains Emily and Laura are joined by Craig Revel Horwood, Maya Jama, Jacqueline Jossa and Howard Donald in this Halloween Special for spooky games, fun and plenty of tricks and treats.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm going to bash your brains in!
Hurrah!
Welcome to Celebrity Juice:
Halloween Special!
It's not really Jack Nicholson,
it's me, Keith Lemon.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What have you come as?
I'm the Bride of Chucky.
Bride of Chucky.
Let's do a split-screen,
have a look.
Emily, who's on your team?
To my right,
he's got eight lovely testicles,
I mean tentacles,
it's Craig Revel Horwood!
And to my left,
she went from Queen of Walford
to Queen of the Jungle,
it's the gorgeous Jacqueline Jossa!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's meet our other team captain,
she'll make you shit more,
it's Whitmore!
It's true, it's true.
I'm just kidding.
You won't make me shit,
you don't look scary.
Who have you come as, Whitmore?
I'm Elle Woods from Legally Blonde.
Let's have a split-screen picture.
There, there she is.
Oh, that's actually mental,
how much you look like it.
Whitmore, who's on your team?
Over on my left,
what you are about to see
is something I've only dreamed of.
He can relight my fire any day,
it's Howard Donald!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And over on my right, well,
she is certainly in the dreams
of Keith Lemon.
We have our very own Jessica Rabbit,
it is the one and only Maya Jama!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Have you got a split screen of me,
looking like a slightly
bloated Jack Nicholson?
LAUGHTER
You look like Jack Black.
Yes!
Hey, it's Jacqueline Jossa,
everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Who have you come as?
Marie Antoinette.
Marie Antoinette,
have we got a split screen?
Marie Antoinette.
What did Marie Antoinette do?
Oh, yeah, someone tell me
what it was.
Someone told me earlier,
what was it?
What was it?
Cake! Something about cake!
Let them eat cake.
Let them eat cake.
Emily, that's like your line, innit.
You normally say, "Let me eat cock."
LAUGHTER
"Let me eat cock!"
I was about to be so offended that
you made out I ate too much cake.
When it was cock I was like,
"Oh, no, it's fine."
Jacqueline, you first came
onto our screens in EastEnders.
You played Laura Branning?
Lauren Branning.
There you are.
We couldn't afford a picture,
cos you're on BBC.
Would you ever go back
to EastEnders?
Erm, when the time's right, yeah.
I think the character needs
to be missed before going back.
The big question is, are you still
in touch with Adam Woodyatt?
I wouldn't say
I'm in touch with him,
but he's not like a guy
you just...
Is he a nice fella?
He's nice if he likes you.
Oh, right! Oh, ho!
And he likes me.
Exactly, yeah.
You won the Jungle, congratulations.
Thank you.
What was it like in there?
It was like the worst
experience of my life,
and also the best experience.
What was the worst thing that
happened to you in the jungle,
was it this?
Yes, yes.
Spiders in the mouth,
cockroach soup.
Looks like there was some dog shit
in there as well.
There was ants in my pants,
it was terrible.
Would you go in there, Maya?
I think it would actually
be really fun.
I'd have a laugh doing it, cos I do
some of that stuff as a dare anyway.
What's the worst thing
you've put in your mouth?
I ate a frog's leg when I was ten.
In France?
No, just in the park down the road.
No!
Yeah, because I knew that
French people ate frogs' legs.
"I'll have a go."
I broke off the leg and ate it.
I thought you were a normal person,
but you're a lunatic, aren't you?
You've come as Jessica Rabbit.
Let's have a split screen of you.
A lot of people fancy cartoons,
don't they?
I know that Atack fancies
the candlestick
out of Beauty And The Beast.
That's weird. Long and thin?
Think about it,
he's like a lothario, sexy man.
I used to get really jealous
of the feather duster
that got to have it off with him.
He'd be like, "Oh, no!"
She'd be, "Ooh!"
He'd be like, "Ooh, yes!"
And I used to think,
"Mum, my fanny feels funny!"
LAUGHTER
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
Hello!
You all right? No?
What have I told you?
Stop looking at her!
Go get your tricycle, go play out!
She's too old for you.
She's got hairs in secret places
and everything.
LAUGHTER
That's my son, Danny.
Is that your son?
You might be wondering why we're
going hell-for-leather
on this The Shining thing.
That's because it was filmed
in Elstree Studios,
in Borehamwood, that's a fact.
And apparently strange things
happen every year.
You know how in these
horror films...
THUNDER
Right.
Things are happening already, so...
I don't like stuff like this.
I actually wasn't warned,
and I am, like, the worst human
ever at Halloween.
The Shining was filmed here.
Craig, you know that, don't you?
You know about films.
I do, darling. I did know that.
That's why I'm here tonight.
It's Craig Revel Horwood, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Craig, you look really beautiful.
Thank you.
I made a special effort
this evening.
Who have you come as?
Ursula.
Ursula from The Little Mermaid?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very good, very good.
So, Strictly has returned.
It has.
Have we got a picture
of the line-up? There they are.
MAYA: It's a great line-up.
Who is your favourite?
Bill Bailey.
Is he good?
Well, he's been fantastic.
I mean, he throws himself into it.
The big news is, you're engaged,
congratulations.
I am, thank you very much.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'It's Raining Men'
by The Weather Girls
Was it him or was it you?
It was him.
Jonathan proposed.
Jonathan is a horny-culturalist.
A horticulturist.
A horticulturist.
Yes, the study of plants, darling.
I thought it was summat else.
There you are, both of you.
Gorgeous!
He is cute, isn't he? Bless him.
Gorgeous.
He said he hates that picture...
He's good-looking.
..because I shoved him in that suit!
Well done.
Craig, how was lockdown for you?
I loved it, I absolutely loved it.
No-one could touch me, I learnt how
to use the sit-on mower,
I learned how to actually use
the washing machine
for the first time, that was good.
Has anyone else learnt
any new skills?
EMILY: I learned how
to make cocktails.
I'll bet you did!
Lager, Guinness...
It's Howard Donald!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You have come as what?
A devil.
THE devil?
THE devil.
Have we got a split screen
to see if he looks like the devil?
Oh, we don't, because we don't know
what he or she looks like.
It's a mystery, in't it.
Howard, it's not the first time
you've dressed as
a little horny devil, is it?
No.
Take a look at this.
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That
HE FARTS
LAUGHTER
EMILY: Oh, my God!
You're a very good dancer,
they were good moves.
Emily, would you like to see him
recreate that dance? Yes, I would.
Can you do some of those moves?
No.
LAUGHTER
A point for your team.
Howard Donald, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That
HE FARTS
Oh!
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
Howard Donald, everyone!
Laura, last 'loween,
on Celebrity Juice,
we played a game called
An Even Quieter Place.
Yeah, in homage to the film
A Quiet Place.
I like that film. The second one
was supposed to be out this year.
Yeah, yeah.
There's the poster.
It didn't come out,
for obvious reasons,
so in homage to the sequel
we're gonna play...
Shh!
Welcome to
An Even More Quieter Place,
the horror circus.
In there's lots of freaks
and ghoulish people.
Our panellists have to go in there
and complete a task.
If they wake up the horror people,
then they'll get 'em.
But if they complete the task,
they'll get a point for their team.
Shh! First up, it's Maya Jama.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Maya, remember, you got to be
as quiet as possible.
If you wake up the horror
circus people,
then they'll get you, and you won't
win a point for your team.
And you might never come back, ever.
What, for ever?
For ever, so what you got there
is Emily's beer cans,
that she just leaves on t'floor
in her dressing room.
You've got to put 'em in the bin.
OK, I'm ready.
Go inside. I'm telling you,
there's some nasty shit in there.
You'll go on the sound of the...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
OK.
Oh, for fuck's sake,
I don't like this already.
Grr!
Quiet.
Sorry. Be quiet!
I can't see anything.
HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING
I dunno where I'm supposed to go.
Put the stuff in the bin.
Be quiet, you'll wake 'em up!
Sorry... Pooh, it stinks of shit.
Yeah, circus people.
SHE RETCHES
There's something behind you.
Don't, don't, don't.
CAN RATTLES INTO BIN
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Very noisy.
I can... I can smell someone else.
LAUGHTER
Shh!
SCREAMING
GROWLS
No! No, no, no!
Fuck off!
Run out!
Run! Aargh!
Fucking hell. That's horrible.
Well done.
APPLAUSE
Maya Jama, everyone! Shh!
Could you see?
Next up, it's Jacqueline Jossa.
APPLAUSE,
SPOOKY CARNIVAL MUSIC
So, what you've got to do
is go inside the horror tent
and blow up a balloon.
Easy, that, innit?
Easy.
Yeah, you'll go on the sound
of the...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
LAUGHTER
I'm terrified. Shh!
WHISPERS: OK.
No, don't wake up the folks...
No, don't love it. Don't love it.
Shh.
Oh, it smells like fish,
it actually does.
Mm! OK.
Where is she?
Find the balloon pump.
SQUEAKS
ECHOING LAUGHTER
What's that noise?
Get the balloon pump.
Is this it?
No.
That's a juggling stick.
OK.
Balloon pump. Keep feeling around.
Touching and feeling.
Feeling and touching.
Have you got it?
You've got it, I can see it.
It's there, it's there.
Where?!
Down, down, down, down.
There, you got it, you got it.
OK, pump up a balloon.
The balloon... You've got to put
a balloon on the end, you dingbat.
Oh, sh...!
Be quiet.
Shh... Fuck!
MAYA: Do it with your arsehole!
Shh!
LAUGHTER
There you go. Quiet as you can.
It's, like, actually a lot of work.
Hold it tight
and pump it good and make it go big.
LAUGHTER
SHE SIGHS
It's not pumping.
Shh! Shh!
Pump it.
BALLOON POPS,
SHE SCREAMS
ROARS
No! No! No!
Whoa!
I don't like it!
LAUGHTER
GROWLING,
SCREAMS
THEY LAUGH
Yeah, you've got a point
for your team, well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Next up, it's Laura Whitmore.
Shh!
APPLAUSE
Right, every Halloween,
I like to celebrate
with a seafood linguine.
I love seafood linguine.
I love seafood linguine.
All you've got to do
is get the linguine... Yeah.
..put it in the microwave
and warm it up. Easy.
Remember, though... OK.
Pierce it with a fork.
What?! I have to pierce it
with a fork as well?
Yeah, that's how you cook it.
OK. OK.
You'll go on the sound of...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
LAURA GROANS
In you go. Quiet. Quiet, like.
I can't even find the door.
Quietly, you fucking noisy bastard!
LAUGHTER
Oh, I can see. I can see, erm,
The light on the microwave.
HOWARD: Straight to it.
You've got the linguine already.
Good skills.
Pierce it. Pierce it.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Quiet!
Shh!
LAUGHTER
An Even More Quieter Place,
Jesus Christ, man.
It's a fucking microwave, it's
gonna make a noise when I open it.
There, that's it.
Oh, now I can see, which is worse.
Is it in?
Think it's three and a 'alf.
Three and a 'alf minutes.
Halfway through, take it out
and give it a stir, yeah?
Cook it proper.
Fuck off, I'm not stirring it.
I don't want to get food poisoning
off of t'prawns.
I've put it on for 24 hours.
LAUGHTER
You've put it on for 24 hours?
Do I have to wait for it?
All right,
stop it and give it a stir now.
MICROWAVE PINGS
Give it a stir.
Oh!
LAUGHTER
That stinks.
LAUGHTER
Shh!
IRISH ACCENT: Laura,
you're so fucking loud, so you are.
Fucking hell.
That's it, give it a good stir.
Lovely.
Oh, my God, listen to that.
Can you hear that?
LAUGHTER
OK, put it back in.
Another 30 seconds.
KEITH BURPS
'Scuse me.
LAUGHTER
GROWL,
LAURA SCREAMS
GROWLS
I can't find where the door is!
Here you go.
Oh, thanks.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks. Mm, lovely.
KEITH LAUGHS
You don't need a fork, do you?
That's a point for your team.
Laura Whitmore, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
Time for a break, see you in three!
APPLAUSE
Coming up after t'break...
SCREAMING
Run away!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Welcome back to
Celebrity Juice Halloween Special!
OK, it's now time for a ghoulish
version of a classic,
let's play...
SCREAMING
APPLAUSE
I'm gonna give you a category,
and you must give me a word
relating to that category.
You mustn't stutter,
you mustn't repeat, but most of all,
you mustn't show Keith your teeth.
The category is...
Craig, bad things.
Anchovies.
Emily.
Spiders.
Jacqueline.
Oh, sorry.
Maya.
Stubbing your toe.
Laura.
Getting...
KEITH LAUGHS
Howard.
Hitting your kids.
LAUGHTER
Craig.
Small willies.
Emily.
Diarrhoea.
Maya.
Crabs.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
Howard.
LAUGHTER
Craig.
BUZZER
Emily.
Ouija boards.
Maya.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Sorry, I'm showing my teeth.
But I'm only laughing
cos of how much she was laughing!
Howard.
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
Hangovers.
Laura. Slugs in the garden
and you're in your bare feet,
and you stand on them.
LAUGHTER
Howard.
Emily.
Sambuca.
I hate it.
Laura? When you're out dancing
and you break the heel on your shoe.
LAUGHTER
MAYA, NORMAL VOICE:
When you're dancing and you break...
Emily.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
Emily.
BUZZER
That means that Laura's team's
the winner!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores
at the end of that round are...
Sha-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Craig Revel Horwood.
Ya!
Do you enjoy Halloween?
I do.
Yeah, what's your favourite
scary movie?
Er, The Exorcist.
LIGHTNING
Shit the bed. You know what that is?
It's the Dreaded Sausage.
It's a real Halloween baddie.
Not as famous as Dracula
or Wolf Man or Frankenstein
but it's a genuine Halloween baddie.
Do you know what it means
when the Dreaded Sausage turns up?
It means we have to play
his favourite game.
D'you know what
his favourite game is? It's...
Welcome to Spooky Saus-ahh-ges.
This game is so simple,
you can play it at home.
If you do, indeed, have a mouth,
and some sausages.
What I'm gonna do is give you
a plate of frankfurters,
and the winner will be the person
that has the most sausages
in their mouth.
OK, let's get the sausages.
Oh!
Bit cold in there?
I hope they're not frozen.
Oh, I am jealous, actually.
Oh, oh! Oh, dear.
Just dropped some.
Oh, it is wobbly.
You'll go on the sound
of the Dreaded Sausage's laugh.
You ready?
SPOOKY LAUGH
There it is, there it is.
Right, you've stuck a sausage in.
That's... OK.
Keep 'em in there!
Get another one, get another one.
He's got four in,
you've got four in.
Come on. Oh, look, Howard
is going very serious on this.
Don't even think about it,
just do it.
He's dropped one, get it in.
Get it in.
Do it slowly.
How many have you got now?
Erm... You've got five in.
Howa... You've got five in?
Oh, no, Howard's got six in.
Don't overthink it,
just whack 'em in.
Don't even think about it.
Howard's strangely very comfortable.
You're eating them! Don't eat them!
Don't eat 'em!
LAUGHTER
No, don't eat them!
They're making me gag!
You can't hold them.
They are making me gag.
Yep, yep.
Howard has no gag reflex.
Howard, you're so good at this.
Howard... He's got eight.
No, I don't like it.
He's got nine! He's got ten!
He's going for ten.
He wants one in the ear.
I thought Craig'd be good at this.
HE GAGS
How many has he got?
THEY LAUGH
I'm gagging,
I can't get it in my gob.
Howard's got 11 in.
Oh, my God!
Get 'em all in!
Can he get 12 in?
Can he get 12?
This is why you're my fave.
I think I know who's gonna win this.
Oh, my God!
Oh, look at that!
Look at that! Oh, yes!
He's going for 13,
he's going for 13.
Craig's given up.
He's choking on it.
He's going for 14!
Oh, my God.
This is a world record!
This is mental.
He's got 14 frankfurters.
14 frankfurters, look at that.
APPLAUSE
Craig can't keep 'em in,
He loves gobbling 'em
but he can't keep 'em in.
Oh, he's going for 15.
Oh, my...
SCREAM
The nose! The nose and the ears.
Howard's going for 15.
THEY SHOUT
That is amazing.
SPOOKY LAUGH,
APPLAUSE
OK, I'm just gonna ask
our adjudicator who won that.
LAUGHTER
Howard Donald wins with 15 sausages!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
At the end of that round,
the scores are...
Sausage-ing!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Jacqueline,
have you ever been having a poo
and sometimes it feels like
you've split the...
DRAMATIC MUSIC
HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER
What's that? What?
Oh, shit, no!
No way!
Oh, flip me!
LAUGHTER
No, go kiss a dog!
Really?! Shit.
You know how earlier I said
it's been 40 years
since The Shining was filmed here.
ALL: Yeah.
The sinister forces of The Shining
have possessed Eiji.
Oh, have a look at this.
Oh, God.
BICYCLE BELL
BIKE SQUEAKS
ROARS AND YELLS
Yeah, that's more like it, Eiji.
Eiji has just killed Carl the Elf,
he's been possessed.
So someone needs to go down
to the horror car park
and retrieve his bottles
of red rum to calm him down.
Before he kills the rest of us.
Are you up for this, Emily Atack?
Oh, why is everyone looking at me?
Are you up for this?
Yeah, go on, then.
Then let's play...
APPLAUSE
LOW, GRAVELLY VOICE: As you can see,
I'm here with the bride of Chucky.
I can't do it.
I can't do Jack Nicholson.
Anyway, I'm here with Emily Atack.
What you've got to do
is go to the underground car park,
and avoid Eiji,
cos he's running around going mad,
you've got to collect
as many bottles of red rum
as you can. OK.
So Eiji can drink 'em and calm down
so he doesn't kill anybody else
here in the studio.
Yes? It's very scary, go steady.
You have an allotted time.
Are you ready?
I actually feel really sick
and nervous.
You will go on the sound
of The Shining.
I've got The Shining!
Is that that? Is that...
DRAMATIC MUSIC
EMILY SCREAMS
Go!
Go, Emily!
Oh, my God.
There she goes
with the speed of haste.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, where am I going? Right.
Look at that glowing face.
Oh, outside. Beware of the locals.
Ooh!
OK.
Some say the high street
is scarier than the car park.
But I disagree.
She's a sensible girl.
Ooh.
Am I going right again?
What can you see?
I can see a man
at a... hotel kind of lobby.
Find the bottles of red rum,
collect as many red rums as you can.
We have to calm Eiji down.
Am I just looking everywhere?
Is that moving?
Is that real? Is that a person?
Don't know.
EMILY GASPS
I've got one!
SCREAMING
Emily!
SHE SCREAMS
Run, Emily, run!
ROARING
The evil forces of The Shining
will get you! Run!
SHE SCREAMS
Did you get it?!
I got one, yeah, I got one!
She's got one.
Keep going, keep going forward.
LAURA: I love how you're like,
"You have the bottle though, yeah?"
I'm worried for you, but...
What's that?!
OK, I've got another one.
What can you see?
SHE SCREAMS
Did you get the rum?
SHE WHIMPERS
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, she got it. Has she got it?
What the fuck is that?!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, God. Eurgh!
God, look at that.
Yeah, that's the luggage trolley,
get the red rum.
Oh! Right, I've got one.
Got one. Got it.
OK, there's something...
SHE SCREAMS
No! Argh!
SHE PANTS
Go into the polythene!
Have I got to go in there
on the left?
Get to the red rum!
No, I don't want to go in there!
Red rum! Red rum!
Red rum!
SHE WHIMPERS
I can't go in there!
Yes, you can, Emily!
Come on, baby!
Oh, my God!
SHE SCREAMS
SHE WAILS
No!
Where is...?
Do you see the bottle of red rum?
It's in the tray of offal.
SHE SCREAMS
LAURA: Imagine watching
a scary movie with Emily...
The Saw.
SHE SCREAMS
I know.
She don't use any of that.
Emily, breathe!
It's in the offal!
Where?
Get your hands in!
I've got it!
She's got it! She's got it!
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God, not the bath!
Please, not the bath.
Ooh!
Not the bath! Not the bath!
Dirty pig. Dirty pig.
Oh, no. What is it? It's a ba... No!
Oh, no, I can't, I can't.
Who is it?
Oh, it's that old lady,
it's that old lady from t'Shining.
EMILY WHIMPERS
Oh, my God, I can't!
SHE SCREAMS
Run away! Run away!
It's a willy man! It's a willy man!
Aargh!
It's a willy man!
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aargh!
It's a willy man! It's a willy man!
Oh, my God!
That's the first time I've seen
Emily run away from a naked man.
SHE SCREAMS
Up the stairs! Up the stairs!
SHE SHRIEKS
I don't let anyone kick me
in the willy.
LAUGHTER
It was a real willy,
it was a real willy,
it was a real willy.
It was a real willy!
Oh, look, here she is.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, my God.
Emily Atack, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It was a real willy.
It was a real willy.
You're gonna have to...
Here, you've got...
Throw the... Look!
Eiji's... He's going crazy,
look at him.
He's possessed.
Throw the bag at him.
Give him the bag. Let him drink
the red rum and calm down.
Throw it. Don't touch him.
Get rid of the evil spirits
inside you, that's it, pet.
Get it out!
Go on, get it in you.
That's it, lovely.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no. Eurgh.
Yeah, the spirits
are leaving him now, hopefully,
with special effects
and complete wizardry.
Eiji, how are you feeling?
# Simply the best... #
APPLAUSE
Eiji's cured!
He's not using the power of speech,
he's just visualising his joy.
Eiji, you know when you were
possessed? You killed our son.
No...
Yeah, he was a lovely little man.
Only eight years of age, he was.
Talent, had a good future
ahead of him.
Don't let her get away with that.
I won't, I won't.
Wait till I get you home.
She's got a knife!
What's happening there?!
But the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We're going to an ad break,
see you in three!
Coming up after t'break...
LAURA SCREAMS
Smash and drop!
CHEERING
Get out, slut!
Craig Revel Horwood!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Welcome back to Halloween Juice!
It's all to play for
in this final round,
it's The Spooky Buzzer Round!
OK, buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer, buzz in anyway.
Emily, what's your buzzer this week?
'Emily's team, the drunken pig.'
LAUGHTER
It's true, though.
Fair enough, it is!
Laura, what's your buzzer?
'Lau-uu-uu-uu-ra!'
OK, first question.
Who wore it better?
A, Maya, B, Jacqueline,
or C, Jason?
MAYA: What is it? Oh!
LAUGHTER
They all look great.
We have the same ones on, Jaq!
Yeah!
'Laura!'
I'd say Jason, to be honest,
the original.
The original.
Yeah, his has got blood...
Yes, correct, that's correct.
It was Jason.
Jacqueline doesn't have
her own waxing salon,
but if she did,
what would it be called?
'Laura!'
What?! That's Laura's team.
How do you know?
The Bush Tucker.
ALL: Ohh!
And if it's not, it should be.
'Emily's team, the drunken pig.'
I've Got A Hairy Fanny
Get Me Out Of Here?
Ooh!
LAUGHTER
What is the answer, Jacqueline?
I have no idea!
I don't have a... What?!
That's incorrect. You would call it
Jaq, Back and Sack.
LAUGHTER
What's Emily Atack an anagram of?
COUNTDOWN CLOCK
Oh, I actually don't know.
'Laura!'
That was Laura's team,
I think that was Maya Jama.
Kebab-imy?
No.
Kebab me.
No. Oh.
Emily Atack. Kabila Hay-lack.
LAUGHTER
I don't actually know.
'Laura!'
Who pressed that?
It was Laura's team.
I don't like...
I wanted it to be nice,
but lime... tacky? I'm sorry.
All right, babe. Fuck me.
But that's what it says!
The answer is "a meaty lick".
Is it actually?
It's not, please don't say that, no.
Meaty licker!
A point for Jacqueline
if she can perform
a dramatic EastEnders argument
with a ghost in front of her desk.
That's putting her on the spot.
She's an actress!
She's got skills. She's got an NTA
that says she's very good.
OK, right here? Yeah.
A ghost, yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Dad!
What are you doing 'ere?!
Get out!
Just get out, will you?!
Just leave, no,
I don't want you 'ere!
EASTENDERS DRUM ROLL,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Amazing.
Thank you, darling.
That was stunning.
A point for Howard if he can smash
a pumpkin with his bare bottom.
LAUGHTER
Think you've got a pumpkin
under your desk.
Oh, yeah.
Just give it the batty drop.
Smash it with your bottom. Take
the head off, that's gonna hurt.
Out the front, that's it,
he knows what to do.
It's Howard Donald from Take That!
Can I take the lid off?
That might go up my arse.
Take the lid off.
LAUGHTER
Oh, I wonder when
the next time you will say,
"Can I take the lid off?
It might go up my arse."
Do a smash and drop.
LAURA SQUEALS
Smash and drop!
THEY CHEER
You've done that before.
MUSIC: 'Never Forget' by Take That.
A point for Craig Revel Horwood
if he gives Ariel
from The Little Mermaid
a right dressing down.
You sodding cow!
LAUGHTER
Don't you dare ever, darling,
walk into my jurisdiction again!
How dare you!
THEY WHOOP
Ya! Get out, bitch!
Whoa!
Get out, slut!
You ghastly...
Craig Revel Horwood!
Ghastly little cow!
CHEERING
Ghastly little cow!
What a woman.
Very good, very good!
KLAXON
There's the buzzer.
That's the end of the round,
that's the end of this week's
Celebrity Juice Halloween Special.
I can tell you that the winner is...
Oh...
EMILY: It's you again, I know it.
The Halloween Special...
Emily, you've done really well
this week,
but it's Laura's team!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, team.
I was Keith Lemon,
if I don't see you through t'week,
happy Halloween! Let's dance!
Spooky bastard!
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That
I'm going to bash your brains in!
Hurrah!
Welcome to Celebrity Juice:
Halloween Special!
It's not really Jack Nicholson,
it's me, Keith Lemon.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Emily Atack!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What have you come as?
I'm the Bride of Chucky.
Bride of Chucky.
Let's do a split-screen,
have a look.
Emily, who's on your team?
To my right,
he's got eight lovely testicles,
I mean tentacles,
it's Craig Revel Horwood!
And to my left,
she went from Queen of Walford
to Queen of the Jungle,
it's the gorgeous Jacqueline Jossa!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's meet our other team captain,
she'll make you shit more,
it's Whitmore!
It's true, it's true.
I'm just kidding.
You won't make me shit,
you don't look scary.
Who have you come as, Whitmore?
I'm Elle Woods from Legally Blonde.
Let's have a split-screen picture.
There, there she is.
Oh, that's actually mental,
how much you look like it.
Whitmore, who's on your team?
Over on my left,
what you are about to see
is something I've only dreamed of.
He can relight my fire any day,
it's Howard Donald!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And over on my right, well,
she is certainly in the dreams
of Keith Lemon.
We have our very own Jessica Rabbit,
it is the one and only Maya Jama!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Have you got a split screen of me,
looking like a slightly
bloated Jack Nicholson?
LAUGHTER
You look like Jack Black.
Yes!
Hey, it's Jacqueline Jossa,
everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Who have you come as?
Marie Antoinette.
Marie Antoinette,
have we got a split screen?
Marie Antoinette.
What did Marie Antoinette do?
Oh, yeah, someone tell me
what it was.
Someone told me earlier,
what was it?
What was it?
Cake! Something about cake!
Let them eat cake.
Let them eat cake.
Emily, that's like your line, innit.
You normally say, "Let me eat cock."
LAUGHTER
"Let me eat cock!"
I was about to be so offended that
you made out I ate too much cake.
When it was cock I was like,
"Oh, no, it's fine."
Jacqueline, you first came
onto our screens in EastEnders.
You played Laura Branning?
Lauren Branning.
There you are.
We couldn't afford a picture,
cos you're on BBC.
Would you ever go back
to EastEnders?
Erm, when the time's right, yeah.
I think the character needs
to be missed before going back.
The big question is, are you still
in touch with Adam Woodyatt?
I wouldn't say
I'm in touch with him,
but he's not like a guy
you just...
Is he a nice fella?
He's nice if he likes you.
Oh, right! Oh, ho!
And he likes me.
Exactly, yeah.
You won the Jungle, congratulations.
Thank you.
What was it like in there?
It was like the worst
experience of my life,
and also the best experience.
What was the worst thing that
happened to you in the jungle,
was it this?
Yes, yes.
Spiders in the mouth,
cockroach soup.
Looks like there was some dog shit
in there as well.
There was ants in my pants,
it was terrible.
Would you go in there, Maya?
I think it would actually
be really fun.
I'd have a laugh doing it, cos I do
some of that stuff as a dare anyway.
What's the worst thing
you've put in your mouth?
I ate a frog's leg when I was ten.
In France?
No, just in the park down the road.
No!
Yeah, because I knew that
French people ate frogs' legs.
"I'll have a go."
I broke off the leg and ate it.
I thought you were a normal person,
but you're a lunatic, aren't you?
You've come as Jessica Rabbit.
Let's have a split screen of you.
A lot of people fancy cartoons,
don't they?
I know that Atack fancies
the candlestick
out of Beauty And The Beast.
That's weird. Long and thin?
Think about it,
he's like a lothario, sexy man.
I used to get really jealous
of the feather duster
that got to have it off with him.
He'd be like, "Oh, no!"
She'd be, "Ooh!"
He'd be like, "Ooh, yes!"
And I used to think,
"Mum, my fanny feels funny!"
LAUGHTER
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
Hello!
You all right? No?
What have I told you?
Stop looking at her!
Go get your tricycle, go play out!
She's too old for you.
She's got hairs in secret places
and everything.
LAUGHTER
That's my son, Danny.
Is that your son?
You might be wondering why we're
going hell-for-leather
on this The Shining thing.
That's because it was filmed
in Elstree Studios,
in Borehamwood, that's a fact.
And apparently strange things
happen every year.
You know how in these
horror films...
THUNDER
Right.
Things are happening already, so...
I don't like stuff like this.
I actually wasn't warned,
and I am, like, the worst human
ever at Halloween.
The Shining was filmed here.
Craig, you know that, don't you?
You know about films.
I do, darling. I did know that.
That's why I'm here tonight.
It's Craig Revel Horwood, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Craig, you look really beautiful.
Thank you.
I made a special effort
this evening.
Who have you come as?
Ursula.
Ursula from The Little Mermaid?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very good, very good.
So, Strictly has returned.
It has.
Have we got a picture
of the line-up? There they are.
MAYA: It's a great line-up.
Who is your favourite?
Bill Bailey.
Is he good?
Well, he's been fantastic.
I mean, he throws himself into it.
The big news is, you're engaged,
congratulations.
I am, thank you very much.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'It's Raining Men'
by The Weather Girls
Was it him or was it you?
It was him.
Jonathan proposed.
Jonathan is a horny-culturalist.
A horticulturist.
A horticulturist.
Yes, the study of plants, darling.
I thought it was summat else.
There you are, both of you.
Gorgeous!
He is cute, isn't he? Bless him.
Gorgeous.
He said he hates that picture...
He's good-looking.
..because I shoved him in that suit!
Well done.
Craig, how was lockdown for you?
I loved it, I absolutely loved it.
No-one could touch me, I learnt how
to use the sit-on mower,
I learned how to actually use
the washing machine
for the first time, that was good.
Has anyone else learnt
any new skills?
EMILY: I learned how
to make cocktails.
I'll bet you did!
Lager, Guinness...
It's Howard Donald!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You have come as what?
A devil.
THE devil?
THE devil.
Have we got a split screen
to see if he looks like the devil?
Oh, we don't, because we don't know
what he or she looks like.
It's a mystery, in't it.
Howard, it's not the first time
you've dressed as
a little horny devil, is it?
No.
Take a look at this.
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That
HE FARTS
LAUGHTER
EMILY: Oh, my God!
You're a very good dancer,
they were good moves.
Emily, would you like to see him
recreate that dance? Yes, I would.
Can you do some of those moves?
No.
LAUGHTER
A point for your team.
Howard Donald, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That
HE FARTS
Oh!
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
Howard Donald, everyone!
Laura, last 'loween,
on Celebrity Juice,
we played a game called
An Even Quieter Place.
Yeah, in homage to the film
A Quiet Place.
I like that film. The second one
was supposed to be out this year.
Yeah, yeah.
There's the poster.
It didn't come out,
for obvious reasons,
so in homage to the sequel
we're gonna play...
Shh!
Welcome to
An Even More Quieter Place,
the horror circus.
In there's lots of freaks
and ghoulish people.
Our panellists have to go in there
and complete a task.
If they wake up the horror people,
then they'll get 'em.
But if they complete the task,
they'll get a point for their team.
Shh! First up, it's Maya Jama.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Maya, remember, you got to be
as quiet as possible.
If you wake up the horror
circus people,
then they'll get you, and you won't
win a point for your team.
And you might never come back, ever.
What, for ever?
For ever, so what you got there
is Emily's beer cans,
that she just leaves on t'floor
in her dressing room.
You've got to put 'em in the bin.
OK, I'm ready.
Go inside. I'm telling you,
there's some nasty shit in there.
You'll go on the sound of the...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
OK.
Oh, for fuck's sake,
I don't like this already.
Grr!
Quiet.
Sorry. Be quiet!
I can't see anything.
HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING
I dunno where I'm supposed to go.
Put the stuff in the bin.
Be quiet, you'll wake 'em up!
Sorry... Pooh, it stinks of shit.
Yeah, circus people.
SHE RETCHES
There's something behind you.
Don't, don't, don't.
CAN RATTLES INTO BIN
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Very noisy.
I can... I can smell someone else.
LAUGHTER
Shh!
SCREAMING
GROWLS
No! No, no, no!
Fuck off!
Run out!
Run! Aargh!
Fucking hell. That's horrible.
Well done.
APPLAUSE
Maya Jama, everyone! Shh!
Could you see?
Next up, it's Jacqueline Jossa.
APPLAUSE,
SPOOKY CARNIVAL MUSIC
So, what you've got to do
is go inside the horror tent
and blow up a balloon.
Easy, that, innit?
Easy.
Yeah, you'll go on the sound
of the...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
LAUGHTER
I'm terrified. Shh!
WHISPERS: OK.
No, don't wake up the folks...
No, don't love it. Don't love it.
Shh.
Oh, it smells like fish,
it actually does.
Mm! OK.
Where is she?
Find the balloon pump.
SQUEAKS
ECHOING LAUGHTER
What's that noise?
Get the balloon pump.
Is this it?
No.
That's a juggling stick.
OK.
Balloon pump. Keep feeling around.
Touching and feeling.
Feeling and touching.
Have you got it?
You've got it, I can see it.
It's there, it's there.
Where?!
Down, down, down, down.
There, you got it, you got it.
OK, pump up a balloon.
The balloon... You've got to put
a balloon on the end, you dingbat.
Oh, sh...!
Be quiet.
Shh... Fuck!
MAYA: Do it with your arsehole!
Shh!
LAUGHTER
There you go. Quiet as you can.
It's, like, actually a lot of work.
Hold it tight
and pump it good and make it go big.
LAUGHTER
SHE SIGHS
It's not pumping.
Shh! Shh!
Pump it.
BALLOON POPS,
SHE SCREAMS
ROARS
No! No! No!
Whoa!
I don't like it!
LAUGHTER
GROWLING,
SCREAMS
THEY LAUGH
Yeah, you've got a point
for your team, well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Next up, it's Laura Whitmore.
Shh!
APPLAUSE
Right, every Halloween,
I like to celebrate
with a seafood linguine.
I love seafood linguine.
I love seafood linguine.
All you've got to do
is get the linguine... Yeah.
..put it in the microwave
and warm it up. Easy.
Remember, though... OK.
Pierce it with a fork.
What?! I have to pierce it
with a fork as well?
Yeah, that's how you cook it.
OK. OK.
You'll go on the sound of...
Shh... I ain't gonna hurt you.
LAURA GROANS
In you go. Quiet. Quiet, like.
I can't even find the door.
Quietly, you fucking noisy bastard!
LAUGHTER
Oh, I can see. I can see, erm,
The light on the microwave.
HOWARD: Straight to it.
You've got the linguine already.
Good skills.
Pierce it. Pierce it.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Quiet!
Shh!
LAUGHTER
An Even More Quieter Place,
Jesus Christ, man.
It's a fucking microwave, it's
gonna make a noise when I open it.
There, that's it.
Oh, now I can see, which is worse.
Is it in?
Think it's three and a 'alf.
Three and a 'alf minutes.
Halfway through, take it out
and give it a stir, yeah?
Cook it proper.
Fuck off, I'm not stirring it.
I don't want to get food poisoning
off of t'prawns.
I've put it on for 24 hours.
LAUGHTER
You've put it on for 24 hours?
Do I have to wait for it?
All right,
stop it and give it a stir now.
MICROWAVE PINGS
Give it a stir.
Oh!
LAUGHTER
That stinks.
LAUGHTER
Shh!
IRISH ACCENT: Laura,
you're so fucking loud, so you are.
Fucking hell.
That's it, give it a good stir.
Lovely.
Oh, my God, listen to that.
Can you hear that?
LAUGHTER
OK, put it back in.
Another 30 seconds.
KEITH BURPS
'Scuse me.
LAUGHTER
GROWL,
LAURA SCREAMS
GROWLS
I can't find where the door is!
Here you go.
Oh, thanks.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks. Mm, lovely.
KEITH LAUGHS
You don't need a fork, do you?
That's a point for your team.
Laura Whitmore, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
Time for a break, see you in three!
APPLAUSE
Coming up after t'break...
SCREAMING
Run away!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Welcome back to
Celebrity Juice Halloween Special!
OK, it's now time for a ghoulish
version of a classic,
let's play...
SCREAMING
APPLAUSE
I'm gonna give you a category,
and you must give me a word
relating to that category.
You mustn't stutter,
you mustn't repeat, but most of all,
you mustn't show Keith your teeth.
The category is...
Craig, bad things.
Anchovies.
Emily.
Spiders.
Jacqueline.
Oh, sorry.
Maya.
Stubbing your toe.
Laura.
Getting...
KEITH LAUGHS
Howard.
Hitting your kids.
LAUGHTER
Craig.
Small willies.
Emily.
Diarrhoea.
Maya.
Crabs.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
Howard.
LAUGHTER
Craig.
BUZZER
Emily.
Ouija boards.
Maya.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
BUZZER
Sorry, I'm showing my teeth.
But I'm only laughing
cos of how much she was laughing!
Howard.
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
Hangovers.
Laura. Slugs in the garden
and you're in your bare feet,
and you stand on them.
LAUGHTER
Howard.
Emily.
Sambuca.
I hate it.
Laura? When you're out dancing
and you break the heel on your shoe.
LAUGHTER
MAYA, NORMAL VOICE:
When you're dancing and you break...
Emily.
Laura.
LAUGHTER
Emily.
BUZZER
That means that Laura's team's
the winner!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And the scores
at the end of that round are...
Sha-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Craig Revel Horwood.
Ya!
Do you enjoy Halloween?
I do.
Yeah, what's your favourite
scary movie?
Er, The Exorcist.
LIGHTNING
Shit the bed. You know what that is?
It's the Dreaded Sausage.
It's a real Halloween baddie.
Not as famous as Dracula
or Wolf Man or Frankenstein
but it's a genuine Halloween baddie.
Do you know what it means
when the Dreaded Sausage turns up?
It means we have to play
his favourite game.
D'you know what
his favourite game is? It's...
Welcome to Spooky Saus-ahh-ges.
This game is so simple,
you can play it at home.
If you do, indeed, have a mouth,
and some sausages.
What I'm gonna do is give you
a plate of frankfurters,
and the winner will be the person
that has the most sausages
in their mouth.
OK, let's get the sausages.
Oh!
Bit cold in there?
I hope they're not frozen.
Oh, I am jealous, actually.
Oh, oh! Oh, dear.
Just dropped some.
Oh, it is wobbly.
You'll go on the sound
of the Dreaded Sausage's laugh.
You ready?
SPOOKY LAUGH
There it is, there it is.
Right, you've stuck a sausage in.
That's... OK.
Keep 'em in there!
Get another one, get another one.
He's got four in,
you've got four in.
Come on. Oh, look, Howard
is going very serious on this.
Don't even think about it,
just do it.
He's dropped one, get it in.
Get it in.
Do it slowly.
How many have you got now?
Erm... You've got five in.
Howa... You've got five in?
Oh, no, Howard's got six in.
Don't overthink it,
just whack 'em in.
Don't even think about it.
Howard's strangely very comfortable.
You're eating them! Don't eat them!
Don't eat 'em!
LAUGHTER
No, don't eat them!
They're making me gag!
You can't hold them.
They are making me gag.
Yep, yep.
Howard has no gag reflex.
Howard, you're so good at this.
Howard... He's got eight.
No, I don't like it.
He's got nine! He's got ten!
He's going for ten.
He wants one in the ear.
I thought Craig'd be good at this.
HE GAGS
How many has he got?
THEY LAUGH
I'm gagging,
I can't get it in my gob.
Howard's got 11 in.
Oh, my God!
Get 'em all in!
Can he get 12 in?
Can he get 12?
This is why you're my fave.
I think I know who's gonna win this.
Oh, my God!
Oh, look at that!
Look at that! Oh, yes!
He's going for 13,
he's going for 13.
Craig's given up.
He's choking on it.
He's going for 14!
Oh, my God.
This is a world record!
This is mental.
He's got 14 frankfurters.
14 frankfurters, look at that.
APPLAUSE
Craig can't keep 'em in,
He loves gobbling 'em
but he can't keep 'em in.
Oh, he's going for 15.
Oh, my...
SCREAM
The nose! The nose and the ears.
Howard's going for 15.
THEY SHOUT
That is amazing.
SPOOKY LAUGH,
APPLAUSE
OK, I'm just gonna ask
our adjudicator who won that.
LAUGHTER
Howard Donald wins with 15 sausages!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
At the end of that round,
the scores are...
Sausage-ing!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Jacqueline,
have you ever been having a poo
and sometimes it feels like
you've split the...
DRAMATIC MUSIC
HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER
What's that? What?
Oh, shit, no!
No way!
Oh, flip me!
LAUGHTER
No, go kiss a dog!
Really?! Shit.
You know how earlier I said
it's been 40 years
since The Shining was filmed here.
ALL: Yeah.
The sinister forces of The Shining
have possessed Eiji.
Oh, have a look at this.
Oh, God.
BICYCLE BELL
BIKE SQUEAKS
ROARS AND YELLS
Yeah, that's more like it, Eiji.
Eiji has just killed Carl the Elf,
he's been possessed.
So someone needs to go down
to the horror car park
and retrieve his bottles
of red rum to calm him down.
Before he kills the rest of us.
Are you up for this, Emily Atack?
Oh, why is everyone looking at me?
Are you up for this?
Yeah, go on, then.
Then let's play...
APPLAUSE
LOW, GRAVELLY VOICE: As you can see,
I'm here with the bride of Chucky.
I can't do it.
I can't do Jack Nicholson.
Anyway, I'm here with Emily Atack.
What you've got to do
is go to the underground car park,
and avoid Eiji,
cos he's running around going mad,
you've got to collect
as many bottles of red rum
as you can. OK.
So Eiji can drink 'em and calm down
so he doesn't kill anybody else
here in the studio.
Yes? It's very scary, go steady.
You have an allotted time.
Are you ready?
I actually feel really sick
and nervous.
You will go on the sound
of The Shining.
I've got The Shining!
Is that that? Is that...
DRAMATIC MUSIC
EMILY SCREAMS
Go!
Go, Emily!
Oh, my God.
There she goes
with the speed of haste.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, where am I going? Right.
Look at that glowing face.
Oh, outside. Beware of the locals.
Ooh!
OK.
Some say the high street
is scarier than the car park.
But I disagree.
She's a sensible girl.
Ooh.
Am I going right again?
What can you see?
I can see a man
at a... hotel kind of lobby.
Find the bottles of red rum,
collect as many red rums as you can.
We have to calm Eiji down.
Am I just looking everywhere?
Is that moving?
Is that real? Is that a person?
Don't know.
EMILY GASPS
I've got one!
SCREAMING
Emily!
SHE SCREAMS
Run, Emily, run!
ROARING
The evil forces of The Shining
will get you! Run!
SHE SCREAMS
Did you get it?!
I got one, yeah, I got one!
She's got one.
Keep going, keep going forward.
LAURA: I love how you're like,
"You have the bottle though, yeah?"
I'm worried for you, but...
What's that?!
OK, I've got another one.
What can you see?
SHE SCREAMS
Did you get the rum?
SHE WHIMPERS
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, she got it. Has she got it?
What the fuck is that?!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Oh, God. Eurgh!
God, look at that.
Yeah, that's the luggage trolley,
get the red rum.
Oh! Right, I've got one.
Got one. Got it.
OK, there's something...
SHE SCREAMS
No! Argh!
SHE PANTS
Go into the polythene!
Have I got to go in there
on the left?
Get to the red rum!
No, I don't want to go in there!
Red rum! Red rum!
Red rum!
SHE WHIMPERS
I can't go in there!
Yes, you can, Emily!
Come on, baby!
Oh, my God!
SHE SCREAMS
SHE WAILS
No!
Where is...?
Do you see the bottle of red rum?
It's in the tray of offal.
SHE SCREAMS
LAURA: Imagine watching
a scary movie with Emily...
The Saw.
SHE SCREAMS
I know.
She don't use any of that.
Emily, breathe!
It's in the offal!
Where?
Get your hands in!
I've got it!
She's got it! She's got it!
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God, not the bath!
Please, not the bath.
Ooh!
Not the bath! Not the bath!
Dirty pig. Dirty pig.
Oh, no. What is it? It's a ba... No!
Oh, no, I can't, I can't.
Who is it?
Oh, it's that old lady,
it's that old lady from t'Shining.
EMILY WHIMPERS
Oh, my God, I can't!
SHE SCREAMS
Run away! Run away!
It's a willy man! It's a willy man!
Aargh!
It's a willy man!
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aargh!
It's a willy man! It's a willy man!
Oh, my God!
That's the first time I've seen
Emily run away from a naked man.
SHE SCREAMS
Up the stairs! Up the stairs!
SHE SHRIEKS
I don't let anyone kick me
in the willy.
LAUGHTER
It was a real willy,
it was a real willy,
it was a real willy.
It was a real willy!
Oh, look, here she is.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, my God.
Emily Atack, everyone!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It was a real willy.
It was a real willy.
You're gonna have to...
Here, you've got...
Throw the... Look!
Eiji's... He's going crazy,
look at him.
He's possessed.
Throw the bag at him.
Give him the bag. Let him drink
the red rum and calm down.
Throw it. Don't touch him.
Get rid of the evil spirits
inside you, that's it, pet.
Get it out!
Go on, get it in you.
That's it, lovely.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no. Eurgh.
Yeah, the spirits
are leaving him now, hopefully,
with special effects
and complete wizardry.
Eiji, how are you feeling?
# Simply the best... #
APPLAUSE
Eiji's cured!
He's not using the power of speech,
he's just visualising his joy.
Eiji, you know when you were
possessed? You killed our son.
No...
Yeah, he was a lovely little man.
Only eight years of age, he was.
Talent, had a good future
ahead of him.
Don't let her get away with that.
I won't, I won't.
Wait till I get you home.
She's got a knife!
What's happening there?!
But the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We're going to an ad break,
see you in three!
Coming up after t'break...
LAURA SCREAMS
Smash and drop!
CHEERING
Get out, slut!
Craig Revel Horwood!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Welcome back to Halloween Juice!
It's all to play for
in this final round,
it's The Spooky Buzzer Round!
OK, buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer, buzz in anyway.
Emily, what's your buzzer this week?
'Emily's team, the drunken pig.'
LAUGHTER
It's true, though.
Fair enough, it is!
Laura, what's your buzzer?
'Lau-uu-uu-uu-ra!'
OK, first question.
Who wore it better?
A, Maya, B, Jacqueline,
or C, Jason?
MAYA: What is it? Oh!
LAUGHTER
They all look great.
We have the same ones on, Jaq!
Yeah!
'Laura!'
I'd say Jason, to be honest,
the original.
The original.
Yeah, his has got blood...
Yes, correct, that's correct.
It was Jason.
Jacqueline doesn't have
her own waxing salon,
but if she did,
what would it be called?
'Laura!'
What?! That's Laura's team.
How do you know?
The Bush Tucker.
ALL: Ohh!
And if it's not, it should be.
'Emily's team, the drunken pig.'
I've Got A Hairy Fanny
Get Me Out Of Here?
Ooh!
LAUGHTER
What is the answer, Jacqueline?
I have no idea!
I don't have a... What?!
That's incorrect. You would call it
Jaq, Back and Sack.
LAUGHTER
What's Emily Atack an anagram of?
COUNTDOWN CLOCK
Oh, I actually don't know.
'Laura!'
That was Laura's team,
I think that was Maya Jama.
Kebab-imy?
No.
Kebab me.
No. Oh.
Emily Atack. Kabila Hay-lack.
LAUGHTER
I don't actually know.
'Laura!'
Who pressed that?
It was Laura's team.
I don't like...
I wanted it to be nice,
but lime... tacky? I'm sorry.
All right, babe. Fuck me.
But that's what it says!
The answer is "a meaty lick".
Is it actually?
It's not, please don't say that, no.
Meaty licker!
A point for Jacqueline
if she can perform
a dramatic EastEnders argument
with a ghost in front of her desk.
That's putting her on the spot.
She's an actress!
She's got skills. She's got an NTA
that says she's very good.
OK, right here? Yeah.
A ghost, yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Dad!
What are you doing 'ere?!
Get out!
Just get out, will you?!
Just leave, no,
I don't want you 'ere!
EASTENDERS DRUM ROLL,
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Amazing.
Thank you, darling.
That was stunning.
A point for Howard if he can smash
a pumpkin with his bare bottom.
LAUGHTER
Think you've got a pumpkin
under your desk.
Oh, yeah.
Just give it the batty drop.
Smash it with your bottom. Take
the head off, that's gonna hurt.
Out the front, that's it,
he knows what to do.
It's Howard Donald from Take That!
Can I take the lid off?
That might go up my arse.
Take the lid off.
LAUGHTER
Oh, I wonder when
the next time you will say,
"Can I take the lid off?
It might go up my arse."
Do a smash and drop.
LAURA SQUEALS
Smash and drop!
THEY CHEER
You've done that before.
MUSIC: 'Never Forget' by Take That.
A point for Craig Revel Horwood
if he gives Ariel
from The Little Mermaid
a right dressing down.
You sodding cow!
LAUGHTER
Don't you dare ever, darling,
walk into my jurisdiction again!
How dare you!
THEY WHOOP
Ya! Get out, bitch!
Whoa!
Get out, slut!
You ghastly...
Craig Revel Horwood!
Ghastly little cow!
CHEERING
Ghastly little cow!
What a woman.
Very good, very good!
KLAXON
There's the buzzer.
That's the end of the round,
that's the end of this week's
Celebrity Juice Halloween Special.
I can tell you that the winner is...
Oh...
EMILY: It's you again, I know it.
The Halloween Special...
Emily, you've done really well
this week,
but it's Laura's team!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, team.
I was Keith Lemon,
if I don't see you through t'week,
happy Halloween! Let's dance!
Spooky bastard!
MUSIC: 'Relight My Fire'
by Take That