Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 20, Episode 9 - Episode #20.9 - full transcript
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon, check
out my sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking,
"What the fuck is going on?"
But don't worry, it's just
another over-elaborate metaphor
for how totally rad this show is.
Look, there's Holly Willoughboozy
firing lasers from
her massive tits.
Fearne Cotton riding a giant
cock-shaped spaceship.
There's Gino D'Acampo
firing doughballs!
Here we are taking a
selfie - online presence!
Phew, we made it to the
studio just in time
for the best telly
show on't telly.
What's that telly show on't telly?
It's Celebrity Juice on't telly.
Not in 3D, I fucking
wish it were, though.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Hey!
I'm Keith Lemon, welcome
to Celebrity Juice,
this week, we're sponsored by salad!
Hurrah!
Love salad, and let's meet someone
who loves salad even more than me,
twigs and berries and generally
just being miserable,
it's Fearne Cotton!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I love salad. Who's
on your team?
On my left, his name sounds like
a sonnet, it's Joel Dommett.
I'm running out of rhymes.
I mean, I think we'll talk about
that in a minute, won't we?
And on my right, it's
the delicious Maya Jama
and the Rizzle Kicks
legend Jordan Stephens.
What a team. What a team.
Hey, filling in for Holly
Willoughby this week,
because she's fucked
off to the jungle,
even though Joel Dommett is here,
and he does the show on ITV2,
Get Me Out Of Here Even More
I Can't Believe It Extra
Extra Read All about It.
Filling in for Holly,
it's Jimmy Carr!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I don't know if I can replace
Holly Willoughby on this show,
I don't think I can get teenage
boys through those difficult years.
Jimmy, who's on your team?
From Boyzone or Westlife,
we don't know, Brian McFadden.
She is as talented as she is
beautiful, so I'm putting
a lot of her success down to
luck, it's Katherine Ryan.
Thank you.
She is on quite a lot of trashy TV.
With you?
Yes. I see your point.
Are you like the equivalent
to Holly and Phil?
The comedy version? Yeah.
The other comedy version.
And do you have a special
relationship like they do?
I think they're
shagging and she said,
"I want to be on every fucking
show you are or I'm telling."
That's really offensive, I got to
where I am through hand jobs alone.
Looking at Joel, he's kind of
like the salad version of him.
Just trying to make sure... I
mean, it started off as a joke,
and now I genuinely think I'm
gonna dress like this for life.
You look rad. If
you slept with me
dressed like this, I think
it's classed as masturbation.
Well, you know a thing
or two about that.
I was wearing a different
hat that time.
When I was on this show
originally, you gave me an award
because it was the most number two
watched thing on gay Pornhub.
Has it gone up? It's
now number one.
It's gone up. That's amazing.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's Maya Jama and
Jordan Stephens!
Your show, it's a rapping battle,
innit, what's it called?
Don't Hate The Playaz.
Don't Hate The Playaz.
Yes. On ITV2 just before
Juice, you got here quick.
So, what's the message of the show?
What is it, if we an't seen it?
It's like a hip-hop
panel show, like...
No, that's the synopsis,
what's the message?
There's not really a deeper message
to it, it's just a bit of fun.
So it's a rap battle?
It's a show that celebrates
black British culture.
That show's called Don't
Hate the Playaz. Yeah.
And it's spelt with a
Z, it's not E-R-S...
Sensationalised spelling, yeah. I've
heard that a lot of other shows
are trying to make
their show even cooler
and they're changing their
name and putting a Z in,
like The Chaze. THE
CHASE THEME MUSIC
Newz At Ten. ITV NEWS MUSIC
That would be great, that
would genuinely be great.
Songz Of Praize,
they're the winners,
hands down, check this out.
Zongz Of Praize!
Zongz! Oh, wow.
They've really gone
to town with the Zs.
I have a question for a friend.
Go on.
I've got a friend who's, like,
quite obsessed by Cardi B,
and she'd be really into going
on the show and doing Cardi B.
Yeah. But she's a bit shy... Who is it?
Is it you, Katherine?
I know all the Cardi B.
♪ He said he wants to touch it,
And tease it, and squeeze it
♪ While my piggybank is
hungry, You need to feed it
♪ If the text ain't freaky,
I don't wanna read it
♪ And just to let you know
This punani is undefeated, ay!
♪ He said he really
Wanna see me more
♪ I said, "We should have a date" Where?
At the Lamborghini store
♪ I'm a whole rich bitch And
I work like I'm broke still
♪ The love be so fake, But
the hate be so real, uh! ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Katherine, I would let
you shit on my neck.
I will do that.
Katherine, you're the biggest export
from Canada since Maple syrup.
Yep. And honestly, I would drizzle
you all over my pancakes.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice,
this is your first time.
Yes, it is my first time.
First time on Juice?
Yeah, I watch it, I'm a fan.
Oh, thanks, thanks.
You do a lot of shows with Jimmy,
Your Face or Mine, The Roast... Yes.
So you must know James quite well.
As well as you can.
I've got a few questions
I wanna ask you.
True or false, Jimmy
made up his laugh
to make himself seem more human.
Shh! JIMMY LAUGHS
True or false, Jimmy is a
puppet and you control him?
Absolutely false.
False, but you have put
your hand up there. Yeah.
Jimmy, have you ever had
your arsehole licked?
Yeah, course. What
does it feel like?
Er... No, it's... It
kinda bumpy, and then...
But like ultimately,
tastes like money.
Like licking a bank sheet.
♪ You raise me up Cos
I am Brian McFadden ♪
Brian McFadden, everyone!
UNINTELLIGIBLE IRISH ACCENT
No, it's big news, you've
got big news, haven't you?
You're doing Dancing
On Icicles, so it is.
I am, I'm doing Dancing On Ice.
Dancing On Icicles, yeah!
There you are, there's
your press shot,
checking that you've still got
your buttons on your jacket. Yep.
You're against James Jordan,
Sir Richard Blackwood,
Frenchy off of Grease,
Gemma Collins,
who is your biggest competition?
It's probably Didi Conn who
played Frenchy in Grease.
She's unbelievable. You've
started skating already?
Yeah, we had two days
all of us together,
and now we're kind of doing
private training with a coach,
but it's hard. Congratulations,
cos it's just been announced
that Westlife are reuniting, yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
'You Raise Me Up' by Westlife
♪ You raise me up
♪ To walk on stormy seas
♪ I am strong
♪ When I am on your shoulders ♪
So, are you excited to
be back with the boys?
I wasn't invited. What?
To be in Westlife? Yeah.
But you were in Westlife.
I was only in Westlife at
the beginning, though.
How long were you in Westlife?
Six years.
That's long enough.
I thought so.
Can we just cut all this bit
out and just say that he's...
What about your boy band looks?
We've got some pictures.
Let's have a look at some
pictures of you back in the day.
Look at that.
Would you like to get
back in the band?
Er, no, it's been too long. I
thought about it last year
and financially, it would
be fucking amazing,
but if I was to be
completely honest,
I would only be doing
it for the money.
As opposed to Dancing On
Ice which is your passion?
Sure, sure, I understand, yeah.
Katherine, this is the first time
you've been on Celebrity Juice,
so what we're gonna do is
play an oldie but goldie.
So let's play Don't
Show Keith Your Teeth!
OK, it's a word association
game, you mustn't stutter,
you mustn't repeat, but most of all,
you mustn't show me your teeth.
And because we've got three
comedians on the show tonight,
the subject is funny things.
Starting with Brian!
Going to do a poo in a public
toilet and there's no toilet roll.
Jimmy.
People slipping on the ice.
Oh, touche!
People running for the bus
and it shuts on them.
IMITATES SAD TROMBONE
You know when you're
talking to someone
and they go to put the
elbow, then they do that?
When people get caught
wanking online.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Joel wanking online.
When someone carrying a
ladder turns around,
and they hit someone on
the back of the head.
A gold-digger takes
an old man's house.
When someone can't run fast
enough on the running machine
and they fly off the end.
Er... Er...
BUZZER
When people have no teeth.
I like it when there's a T-shirt
and it's a picture of a bowtie
but it's not really a bowtie
it's just a funny T-shirt.
When you're fucking, and you
bend a man's dick in half.
BUZZER
Yes, it is.
Er, old people farting
on public transport.
My teeth came out.
Sorry.
When people go... SNORT
when they're laughing.
I don't give a fuck anymore.
BUZZER
BUZZER Fuck.
It hurts, doesn't it? It's sore.
And the scores at the end of
that round are... Sha-ting!
Maya, you live with Stormzy,
he's your boyfriend. Yeah.
Now, when I see pictures of
you and Stormzy together,
I always think, "how come
he in't full of joy?"
Look at his face, with this fit
girl, from telly and radio.
He doesn't like people taking...
Let's have a look at some pictures.
Look at him there.
He's gonna be angry.
He looks like he's got home and
he's had one of those red cards
that says, "Sorry, we tried to
deliver, but you wasn't in."
Look at his face! And
there's another one.
MAYA LAUGHS Fucking hell.
"You know that smoked salmon we bought?
It's gone off."
Jordan, you were also in Star Wars.
Yeah. You were in Rogue One.
One of the best moments of it,
I was in the Star Wars book,
and I didn't know what my
character's first name was
until it was in this book, and
the first name was Stordan.
In so I reckon they just
took Stephens and just...
Jordan, do you enjoy salad? I do.
Yeah, I fucking love salad,
it's all new to me, I
never used to eat it,
but now I love salad. Do you
like salad dressing as well?
I like salad dressing.
You love salad dressing!
Just for you, let's play...
Drizzle Kicks, you get me?
Hello and welcome to the
Drizzle Kicks arena,
and as you can see, Jordan is now
placed in a large salad bowl.
What I'm gonna do is prepare a
lovely salad, cos as I said,
we are sponsored by
salad, it's so exciting.
I'm gonna make a large salad
and then I'm gonna pour on
the salad dressing, and all you've
got to do is give me the ID
of the salad dressing. Just
simply by tasting it, yeah?
I've just got to give you the stick mic.
There it is. Great.
How are you feeling? Oh,
mate, really comfortable.
You love salad dressing, don't you?
D'you know what?
It's my favourite thing.
It's your favourite thing,
OK, let's do this, let's
make Drizzle Kicks.
Oh, OK, well this is happening.
'Skip To The Good
Bit' by Rizzle Kicks
How is he gonna breathe?
We're not worrying about
that, I don't think.
I don't think health and safety's
a massive factor on this.
- Cherry tomatoes.
- Oh, that's a nice salad.
You're meant to not tell him
what you're putting in it.
How are you feeling now? I
feel fucking surreal, man.
I feel like Alice in
Wonderland in here.
OK, for those of you
playing along at home,
if you have got a
large salad bowl
with a hole you can
stick your head in,
- This is a salad dressing.
- I hope that's salad dressing.
Right, are you ready?
Oh, it's silvery. Oh, no!
No, you can't do that!
Is that from your dressing room?
That is wrong.
GAGGING You've bukake'd Jordan.
Jordan, what was the drizzle?
Oh, it's fucking...
I dunno, mate, it's like
salad cream or some shit.
Yeah, but what is it? I'll
just give it a mix-up,
see if it helps..
No, please don't.
Oh, no, you've made him look
like a plasterer's radio.
Yeah, it's Caesar dressing.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
That's a point for your team,
Jordan, living the dream!
Next up to play,
it's Brian McFadden!
What? CHEERING
Hey, I'm here with Brian
McFadden, how are you feeling?
I'm feeling really good, this is great.
You look really good.
Probably the highlight
of my career this year.
What's your strategy
for this game?
I'm gonna eat my way
out of this shit.
Right, OK, well, let's
make some salad.
I reckon, after this, Westlife
are definitely having you back.
100%. It's on.
MUFFLED SPEECH
You can't speak unless I've got
the courgette mic to your mouth.
We can't hear you, cos
you're in a salad bowl.
I just said, "If your cock comes
over the edge of this bowl,
"I will bite off anything
that comes in here."
Why would I put my cock in a salad?
Because you're a fucking lunatic.
Again, if you're playing
this at home and you've got
a large salad bowl with a hole
you can stick your head in,
this is what the dressing is.
Are you ready?
'If I Let You Go' by Westlife
Oh, no.
The lid came off there. Why?
AUDIENCE GROAN JOEL: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
You got him, that's too much.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna drown!
Oh, sorry, that's the...
LAUGHTER
Easy mistake. JIMMY LAUGHS
It's fucking blue cheese.
It's fucking blue cheese!
Great game.
Brian? What? You
got that so quick,
you're so good at it, shall
we do another dressing?
Fuck off. Let's do
another dressing!
Again, if you've got
a large salad bowl
with a hole that you can
stick your head in,
this is what dressing it is.
Here it is.
'Swear It Again' by Westlife.
JOEL AND JIMMY LAUGH
So, so funny! Can you breathe?
Not really. What
if you kill him?
This is gonna be such a
hard death to explain.
For double points, can you identify
the second salad dressing?
Is it mango chutney?
Some kind of... No, no.
It's tomato something.
No, it's not tomato something.
OK, Jimmy, what is it?
I can't risk it, but
if I was gonna guess,
I'd say it's definitely
more than 900 islands.
Is it thousand island dressing?
That's correct!
Brian McFadden, everyone!
Living the dream!
And the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
We're going to an ad break,
we'll see you in three!
It's gone in her eye!
Do you like it when it
hits you in the face?
LAUGHTER
Hurrah!
Welcome back to Celebrity
Juice, sponsored by salad!
Fearne. Hello.
You love salad, don't you?
I cannot get enough of it.
Well, in honour of you
and our friendship,
I've decided we can play
a game that's up to you
what salad-based game we play.
Let's do the yoga game.
Yo-ga To Get In Shape.
Tell you what, you can even
host it, so let's play...
♪ This is the dawning of
the age of Aquarius. ♪
Hello, I am Fearne Yogi Cotton
and welcome to Yo-ga
To Get In Shape!
KEITH WHOOPS GONG
So, Maya and Katherine, you'll
see that you are lying down
on a comfy, relaxed yoga mat
in a beautiful yoga setting
with some fresh carrots
dangling above your heads.
All you have to do is lock in
to that yogi core strength
and lower the carrot into
your delicate mouths.
OK. Are you taking
your trousers off?
No, I have to undo them because
otherwise I'll get sliced in half.
I asked to play the game that
way, but Maya said mouth.
It's not... Right, only mouth.
Good.
So, bearing that in
mind, with your mouths,
the person with the shortest
carrot stub wins the game.
Oh, I'm gonna win this. Capiche?
On the chime, start chowing
down on the carrots.
OK. OK. Namaste.
CHIME There it is!
A good, firm chow down
from Katherine already.
Spit it out, whatever you like.
Swallow or spit, up to you.
It's all about engaging the
core, getting maximum...
Oh, look at this move! We're
going for a shoulder stand.
Going for a yoga shoulder stand.
It's gone in her eye!
Do you like it when it
hits you in the face?
Maya is very precise about this,
She's chewing like a little rabbit.
Come on, Katherine, you've got this.
Don't fart, cos we'll know it's you.
That's it, Katherine,
you're so close!
Katherine you're so close!
My legs are too short.
How do you do this? Maya
is down to a mere stub.
Yes! Yes! My core...
GONG That's it. That's it.
So let's have a look
at the two carrots.
It's so unfair. Thank you
very much, Katherine.
I think we can all see
there is a clear winner
between Maya's and
Katherine's carrot.
Maya, you have been enlightened,
you are the winner.
Yay! Well done, you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, for any boys,
girls, here's a replay.
'Teenage Dream' by Katy Perry.
Oh, no.
That was quite delicate.
Yeah, that was all right.
LAUGHTER
Oh, Katherine!
What are we watching? It was
a beautiful thing to watch.
So, next up, Jimmy, it's you...
Oh, OK.
..and Keith. All right.
♪ This is the dawning of
the age of Aquarius. ♪
Welcome back to Yo-ga
To Get In Shape.
This time, we've Jimmy and
Keith looking so zen.
Are you ready to go?
I can't wait, me.
So again, lock into that core,
namaste, on the mystical chimes.
CHIMES
We're off. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, he's
gone straight in.
Look at that tongue.
Oh, my God.
You look like a little Ewok.
Look at him spit...
Just gonna move back a little bit.
Oh, my God!
This is grim! Aaah!
What's going on? What a game.
Yes! It's gonna be so close.
Keith, you've got it.
It won't come down!
You've gotta keep...
That hit my neck!
The fuck are we doing, man?
GONG Ah, it's over, it's over.
Genuinely, that was the
most fun I've had.
That was amazing.
Let's watch a slo-mo.
'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls
Look at the lips on that.
You look like a
hungry koala bear.
That's a great angle.
This is gonna be...
Who cares who wins.
..so close. I love you, man.
Is it a draw? We don't
wanna do it again.
Can we do it with real dicks?
LAUGHTER
It is a draw, well
done, guys, namaste.
For the scores, we're going
to go over to Joel Dommett.
The scores are... Sha-ting!
Jimmy, you're quite a well
travelled person, aren't you? Yes.
Have you ever heard of
the Hell-stree Angels?
Hell-stree Angels? Yeah,
they're based in Elstree.
No! They're a really gnarly
group of bikers, yeah,
They're nice people, but
they have been known
to bite the wing
mirrors off of cars
and shit and piss in
their own leather jeans.
But they're nice people and
they like to boogie in the bar.
Would you like to
go down to that bar
and play Name It On
The Biker Boogie?
Yeah? Let's Play... Name
It On The Biker Boogie!
Hi, y'all! Welcome to the
Hell-stree's Biker Bar
here in the deep south of
the UK in Elstree. Yee-haw!
What's gonna happen in this
game is y'all gotta dance
and hopefully, he can guess
what you're dancing to.
Can you hear me, Brian?
I can't hear you.
Brian can't hear cos he's got
sound-cancelling headphones on.
Can I ask what accent it is?
Summat from Scooby Doo.
I'm gonna drop a
damn dirty beat.
SCRATCHES RECORD
'Earthquake' by Labrinth
♪ I predict an
earthquake up in here. ♪
Falling down... Shaking?
Shaking!
Earthquake? Yes!
Labrinth!
Let's have a check, y'all!
♪ Yeah... ♪
That's correct,
that was correct!
Motherfucker, you've
got some sick skills.
OK, here's another one.
'Call On Me' by Eric Prydz
♪ Call on me, call on me ♪
Call Me! Blondie?
Call me...
♪ Call on me I'm the
same boy I used to be ♪
Call me slut? I don't...
♪ Call on me... ♪
Call me woman?
Call me crazy?
Oh, oh, oh, it's this.
Call On Me?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's have a listen...
Yes, correct, you got it!
You got that right.
Y'all wanna check out Jimmy Carr?
See what he got.
OK, let's have a dirty damn beat.
Still have carrot in my...
THE BILL THEME
Oh, is this The Bill?
Siren... The Police?
Cash.
Write... Sick tune,
man, I love this tune.
Ticket. It's a shit
police show, come on!
Let's sit, if we're eating...
Big shout out to salad
for sponsoring y'all tonight.
Eating!
Money, cheque, can I get the bill?
Yeah!
The Bill?
Big shout out to the police.
Here's another one,
you dirty bitches.
'Axel F' by Crazy Frog
What's this? What is this?
Crazy Frog! What?
Crazy Frog? Yeah!
You'll like this next one.
Here's the next one.
'I Want To Break Free' by Queen
♪ I want to break free... ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
YMCA? I mean...
I Want To Break Free? Yeah!
Jimmy Carr, y'all!
Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to the
Hell-stree's Angels biker bar,
I'm here with my main
man, Fearne Cotton.
Hey, motherfucker, Fearne, y'all,
you wanna get your dick out
and have a go at this?
Why not, mate?
Well, let's have a go, let's see y'all!
Let's do this!
JURASSIC PARK THEME
I love this tune the most.
Zombie! Dinosaur!
Angry dinosaur.
Tyrannosaurus rex.
THEY MAKE DINOSAUR SOUNDS
Yeah, yeah! Tyrannosaurus rex?
Tyrannosaurus... Dinosaurs?
The film! Film... Jurassic Park!
Yeah! Oh, yes!
OK, here's the next one.
Suck your daddy's dick.
'Sexual' by NEIKED
♪ ..the way that I feel
♪ I'm feeling sexual So
we should be sexual ♪
Sexy, sexy, baby. Feeling sexy.
Love. Love and sex!
Sexy time.
Sex...
Sexual. Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Yes!
Tell you what, I'll take your sister
to the park and I'll do the dirty.
'Orinoco Flow' by Enya
♪ Sail away, sail
away, sail away ♪
Let's make a boat, so
we're a boat together.
OK, OK. Boat!
I always thought this
was Save A Whale.
I thought it was
about saving whales.
Looking out to sea.
Waving goodbye.
Sailing. Sail Away!
Oh, that was good. APPLAUSE
KLAXON
Oh, y'all, check that shit.
That be the klaxon!
Oh, motherfucker.
Damn. Damn! Mm-mm. I know!
I can tell you that all the scores
at the end of that, y'all...
LAUGHTER
I'm all over the place
with this voice.
I don't have it down right
now, but the scores are...
Sha-motherfucking-ting!
Check that shit out.
We're going to a break now, y'all,
we'll see you after that shit.
Coming up after t'break: Whoa!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did
you hit your penis?
I hurt my penis. My
real-life penis.
Hello and welcome back
to Celebrity Juice!
All to play for in our final
round, it's the buzzer round!
Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Jimmy, what's yours?
I'm dying to be back
in the band, so I am!'
Oh, was that... Was that done before
we knew he wasn't back in the band?
'If you could take us back, I'd
be much appreciative of that.'
Fearne, what's your buzzer?
'Man, I'm so fit, innit.'
That's life... OK, here's
the first question.
Which British celebrity was
recently announced as the host
of the US version of Bake Off?
'Let us back in the band,
you bunch of BLEEP.'
LAUGHTER
Be quiet. Jimmy, you
were saying something?
Emma Bunton. That's correct!
Oh, I like this.
What's Joel up to here?
'Yeah, I was in
fucking Rizzle Kicks
'but I was also in fucking
Star Wars, you get me?'
Fucking Star Wars
legend now, you are.
It's not often I say so, but that's
just me making a funny face.
Well, let's have a look.
No, it says here you're
jizzing in your pants.
Who is Fearne dominating here?
'Check me on Instagram, look
at my face, I'm so fit, yeah!'
James Carr. James Carr,
let's have a look.
DING That's correct!
When was that? Mate, you
look like Roger Federer.
Just sitting on you, pal.
What's Maya Jama sitting on here? Is
she sitting on the dock of a bay?
Nice. Don't plug your
album now, mate.
Go on, give us a blast. ♪
Sittin' on the dock of a bay. ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Cute. He's freestyling now.
That's actually...
That's freestyling, baby.
Brian, I've just heard
that Westlife have phoned up,
you're back in the band!
'Flying Without
Wings' by Westlife.
I don't need this shit anymore.
I don't need this shit anymore!
He's back in the band! Bye!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're a fucking liar!
What's Maya Jama
sitting on here?
I'm in a wheelchair.
Let's have a look.
I actually am, yeah.
Holy shit balls.
Who wore it better, Jordan Stephens
or a generic Oompa Loompa?
'I'm so fit, look at me,
just check me out, yeah?'
When did you have that hair?
I had green hair.
It's a really close call, but
I'm gonna say the Oompa Loompa.
That's correct. LAUGHTER
Point for whoever out
of Joel and Brian
can do the best caterpillar.
Fuck this, five minutes
ago, I was back in Westlife
and now I'm doing the
fucking caterpillar?
Go on, Joel, you can do it.
Ohh!
Good control. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you hit your penis? I hurt
my penis, my real-life penis.
Oh, mate, I really got it.
Fucking hell.
How do you do a
backwards caterpillar?
Oh, my God, the
caterpillar died.
LAUGHTER
It's a drunk caterpillar.
The point goes to Joel!
You all right, Brian?
Not really, no.
Again, I still can't get over
that fucking Westlife thing.
What did Marilyn Manson reveal
he was selling this week?
His rib! The rib... that he
removed to suck his own penis.
Is that what he did? Yeah.
Wait, have I made that up?
KLAXON
Oh, there's the klaxon! That's
the end of the buzzer round,
that's the end of this
week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you that the
winning team is...
Joel, you did very well
tonight, you dressed as me,
I respect and salute you for
that, you did the caterpillar.
Thank you. The winner is...
Jimmy's team! Yes! Come on!
I was Keith Lemon, If I don't
see you through't week,
I'll see you through't
window, let's dance!
'Sexual' by NEIKED
♪ I'm feeling sexual So
we should be sexual ♪
♪ Just say you feel The
way that I feel... ♪
Goodbye!
Subtitles by TVT
out my sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking,
"What the fuck is going on?"
But don't worry, it's just
another over-elaborate metaphor
for how totally rad this show is.
Look, there's Holly Willoughboozy
firing lasers from
her massive tits.
Fearne Cotton riding a giant
cock-shaped spaceship.
There's Gino D'Acampo
firing doughballs!
Here we are taking a
selfie - online presence!
Phew, we made it to the
studio just in time
for the best telly
show on't telly.
What's that telly show on't telly?
It's Celebrity Juice on't telly.
Not in 3D, I fucking
wish it were, though.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hurrah!
Hey!
I'm Keith Lemon, welcome
to Celebrity Juice,
this week, we're sponsored by salad!
Hurrah!
Love salad, and let's meet someone
who loves salad even more than me,
twigs and berries and generally
just being miserable,
it's Fearne Cotton!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I love salad. Who's
on your team?
On my left, his name sounds like
a sonnet, it's Joel Dommett.
I'm running out of rhymes.
I mean, I think we'll talk about
that in a minute, won't we?
And on my right, it's
the delicious Maya Jama
and the Rizzle Kicks
legend Jordan Stephens.
What a team. What a team.
Hey, filling in for Holly
Willoughby this week,
because she's fucked
off to the jungle,
even though Joel Dommett is here,
and he does the show on ITV2,
Get Me Out Of Here Even More
I Can't Believe It Extra
Extra Read All about It.
Filling in for Holly,
it's Jimmy Carr!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I don't know if I can replace
Holly Willoughby on this show,
I don't think I can get teenage
boys through those difficult years.
Jimmy, who's on your team?
From Boyzone or Westlife,
we don't know, Brian McFadden.
She is as talented as she is
beautiful, so I'm putting
a lot of her success down to
luck, it's Katherine Ryan.
Thank you.
She is on quite a lot of trashy TV.
With you?
Yes. I see your point.
Are you like the equivalent
to Holly and Phil?
The comedy version? Yeah.
The other comedy version.
And do you have a special
relationship like they do?
I think they're
shagging and she said,
"I want to be on every fucking
show you are or I'm telling."
That's really offensive, I got to
where I am through hand jobs alone.
Looking at Joel, he's kind of
like the salad version of him.
Just trying to make sure... I
mean, it started off as a joke,
and now I genuinely think I'm
gonna dress like this for life.
You look rad. If
you slept with me
dressed like this, I think
it's classed as masturbation.
Well, you know a thing
or two about that.
I was wearing a different
hat that time.
When I was on this show
originally, you gave me an award
because it was the most number two
watched thing on gay Pornhub.
Has it gone up? It's
now number one.
It's gone up. That's amazing.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's Maya Jama and
Jordan Stephens!
Your show, it's a rapping battle,
innit, what's it called?
Don't Hate The Playaz.
Don't Hate The Playaz.
Yes. On ITV2 just before
Juice, you got here quick.
So, what's the message of the show?
What is it, if we an't seen it?
It's like a hip-hop
panel show, like...
No, that's the synopsis,
what's the message?
There's not really a deeper message
to it, it's just a bit of fun.
So it's a rap battle?
It's a show that celebrates
black British culture.
That show's called Don't
Hate the Playaz. Yeah.
And it's spelt with a
Z, it's not E-R-S...
Sensationalised spelling, yeah. I've
heard that a lot of other shows
are trying to make
their show even cooler
and they're changing their
name and putting a Z in,
like The Chaze. THE
CHASE THEME MUSIC
Newz At Ten. ITV NEWS MUSIC
That would be great, that
would genuinely be great.
Songz Of Praize,
they're the winners,
hands down, check this out.
Zongz Of Praize!
Zongz! Oh, wow.
They've really gone
to town with the Zs.
I have a question for a friend.
Go on.
I've got a friend who's, like,
quite obsessed by Cardi B,
and she'd be really into going
on the show and doing Cardi B.
Yeah. But she's a bit shy... Who is it?
Is it you, Katherine?
I know all the Cardi B.
♪ He said he wants to touch it,
And tease it, and squeeze it
♪ While my piggybank is
hungry, You need to feed it
♪ If the text ain't freaky,
I don't wanna read it
♪ And just to let you know
This punani is undefeated, ay!
♪ He said he really
Wanna see me more
♪ I said, "We should have a date" Where?
At the Lamborghini store
♪ I'm a whole rich bitch And
I work like I'm broke still
♪ The love be so fake, But
the hate be so real, uh! ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Katherine, I would let
you shit on my neck.
I will do that.
Katherine, you're the biggest export
from Canada since Maple syrup.
Yep. And honestly, I would drizzle
you all over my pancakes.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice,
this is your first time.
Yes, it is my first time.
First time on Juice?
Yeah, I watch it, I'm a fan.
Oh, thanks, thanks.
You do a lot of shows with Jimmy,
Your Face or Mine, The Roast... Yes.
So you must know James quite well.
As well as you can.
I've got a few questions
I wanna ask you.
True or false, Jimmy
made up his laugh
to make himself seem more human.
Shh! JIMMY LAUGHS
True or false, Jimmy is a
puppet and you control him?
Absolutely false.
False, but you have put
your hand up there. Yeah.
Jimmy, have you ever had
your arsehole licked?
Yeah, course. What
does it feel like?
Er... No, it's... It
kinda bumpy, and then...
But like ultimately,
tastes like money.
Like licking a bank sheet.
♪ You raise me up Cos
I am Brian McFadden ♪
Brian McFadden, everyone!
UNINTELLIGIBLE IRISH ACCENT
No, it's big news, you've
got big news, haven't you?
You're doing Dancing
On Icicles, so it is.
I am, I'm doing Dancing On Ice.
Dancing On Icicles, yeah!
There you are, there's
your press shot,
checking that you've still got
your buttons on your jacket. Yep.
You're against James Jordan,
Sir Richard Blackwood,
Frenchy off of Grease,
Gemma Collins,
who is your biggest competition?
It's probably Didi Conn who
played Frenchy in Grease.
She's unbelievable. You've
started skating already?
Yeah, we had two days
all of us together,
and now we're kind of doing
private training with a coach,
but it's hard. Congratulations,
cos it's just been announced
that Westlife are reuniting, yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
'You Raise Me Up' by Westlife
♪ You raise me up
♪ To walk on stormy seas
♪ I am strong
♪ When I am on your shoulders ♪
So, are you excited to
be back with the boys?
I wasn't invited. What?
To be in Westlife? Yeah.
But you were in Westlife.
I was only in Westlife at
the beginning, though.
How long were you in Westlife?
Six years.
That's long enough.
I thought so.
Can we just cut all this bit
out and just say that he's...
What about your boy band looks?
We've got some pictures.
Let's have a look at some
pictures of you back in the day.
Look at that.
Would you like to get
back in the band?
Er, no, it's been too long. I
thought about it last year
and financially, it would
be fucking amazing,
but if I was to be
completely honest,
I would only be doing
it for the money.
As opposed to Dancing On
Ice which is your passion?
Sure, sure, I understand, yeah.
Katherine, this is the first time
you've been on Celebrity Juice,
so what we're gonna do is
play an oldie but goldie.
So let's play Don't
Show Keith Your Teeth!
OK, it's a word association
game, you mustn't stutter,
you mustn't repeat, but most of all,
you mustn't show me your teeth.
And because we've got three
comedians on the show tonight,
the subject is funny things.
Starting with Brian!
Going to do a poo in a public
toilet and there's no toilet roll.
Jimmy.
People slipping on the ice.
Oh, touche!
People running for the bus
and it shuts on them.
IMITATES SAD TROMBONE
You know when you're
talking to someone
and they go to put the
elbow, then they do that?
When people get caught
wanking online.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Joel wanking online.
When someone carrying a
ladder turns around,
and they hit someone on
the back of the head.
A gold-digger takes
an old man's house.
When someone can't run fast
enough on the running machine
and they fly off the end.
Er... Er...
BUZZER
When people have no teeth.
I like it when there's a T-shirt
and it's a picture of a bowtie
but it's not really a bowtie
it's just a funny T-shirt.
When you're fucking, and you
bend a man's dick in half.
BUZZER
Yes, it is.
Er, old people farting
on public transport.
My teeth came out.
Sorry.
When people go... SNORT
when they're laughing.
I don't give a fuck anymore.
BUZZER
BUZZER Fuck.
It hurts, doesn't it? It's sore.
And the scores at the end of
that round are... Sha-ting!
Maya, you live with Stormzy,
he's your boyfriend. Yeah.
Now, when I see pictures of
you and Stormzy together,
I always think, "how come
he in't full of joy?"
Look at his face, with this fit
girl, from telly and radio.
He doesn't like people taking...
Let's have a look at some pictures.
Look at him there.
He's gonna be angry.
He looks like he's got home and
he's had one of those red cards
that says, "Sorry, we tried to
deliver, but you wasn't in."
Look at his face! And
there's another one.
MAYA LAUGHS Fucking hell.
"You know that smoked salmon we bought?
It's gone off."
Jordan, you were also in Star Wars.
Yeah. You were in Rogue One.
One of the best moments of it,
I was in the Star Wars book,
and I didn't know what my
character's first name was
until it was in this book, and
the first name was Stordan.
In so I reckon they just
took Stephens and just...
Jordan, do you enjoy salad? I do.
Yeah, I fucking love salad,
it's all new to me, I
never used to eat it,
but now I love salad. Do you
like salad dressing as well?
I like salad dressing.
You love salad dressing!
Just for you, let's play...
Drizzle Kicks, you get me?
Hello and welcome to the
Drizzle Kicks arena,
and as you can see, Jordan is now
placed in a large salad bowl.
What I'm gonna do is prepare a
lovely salad, cos as I said,
we are sponsored by
salad, it's so exciting.
I'm gonna make a large salad
and then I'm gonna pour on
the salad dressing, and all you've
got to do is give me the ID
of the salad dressing. Just
simply by tasting it, yeah?
I've just got to give you the stick mic.
There it is. Great.
How are you feeling? Oh,
mate, really comfortable.
You love salad dressing, don't you?
D'you know what?
It's my favourite thing.
It's your favourite thing,
OK, let's do this, let's
make Drizzle Kicks.
Oh, OK, well this is happening.
'Skip To The Good
Bit' by Rizzle Kicks
How is he gonna breathe?
We're not worrying about
that, I don't think.
I don't think health and safety's
a massive factor on this.
- Cherry tomatoes.
- Oh, that's a nice salad.
You're meant to not tell him
what you're putting in it.
How are you feeling now? I
feel fucking surreal, man.
I feel like Alice in
Wonderland in here.
OK, for those of you
playing along at home,
if you have got a
large salad bowl
with a hole you can
stick your head in,
- This is a salad dressing.
- I hope that's salad dressing.
Right, are you ready?
Oh, it's silvery. Oh, no!
No, you can't do that!
Is that from your dressing room?
That is wrong.
GAGGING You've bukake'd Jordan.
Jordan, what was the drizzle?
Oh, it's fucking...
I dunno, mate, it's like
salad cream or some shit.
Yeah, but what is it? I'll
just give it a mix-up,
see if it helps..
No, please don't.
Oh, no, you've made him look
like a plasterer's radio.
Yeah, it's Caesar dressing.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
That's a point for your team,
Jordan, living the dream!
Next up to play,
it's Brian McFadden!
What? CHEERING
Hey, I'm here with Brian
McFadden, how are you feeling?
I'm feeling really good, this is great.
You look really good.
Probably the highlight
of my career this year.
What's your strategy
for this game?
I'm gonna eat my way
out of this shit.
Right, OK, well, let's
make some salad.
I reckon, after this, Westlife
are definitely having you back.
100%. It's on.
MUFFLED SPEECH
You can't speak unless I've got
the courgette mic to your mouth.
We can't hear you, cos
you're in a salad bowl.
I just said, "If your cock comes
over the edge of this bowl,
"I will bite off anything
that comes in here."
Why would I put my cock in a salad?
Because you're a fucking lunatic.
Again, if you're playing
this at home and you've got
a large salad bowl with a hole
you can stick your head in,
this is what the dressing is.
Are you ready?
'If I Let You Go' by Westlife
Oh, no.
The lid came off there. Why?
AUDIENCE GROAN JOEL: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
You got him, that's too much.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna drown!
Oh, sorry, that's the...
LAUGHTER
Easy mistake. JIMMY LAUGHS
It's fucking blue cheese.
It's fucking blue cheese!
Great game.
Brian? What? You
got that so quick,
you're so good at it, shall
we do another dressing?
Fuck off. Let's do
another dressing!
Again, if you've got
a large salad bowl
with a hole that you can
stick your head in,
this is what dressing it is.
Here it is.
'Swear It Again' by Westlife.
JOEL AND JIMMY LAUGH
So, so funny! Can you breathe?
Not really. What
if you kill him?
This is gonna be such a
hard death to explain.
For double points, can you identify
the second salad dressing?
Is it mango chutney?
Some kind of... No, no.
It's tomato something.
No, it's not tomato something.
OK, Jimmy, what is it?
I can't risk it, but
if I was gonna guess,
I'd say it's definitely
more than 900 islands.
Is it thousand island dressing?
That's correct!
Brian McFadden, everyone!
Living the dream!
And the scores at the end
of that round are...
Sha-ting!
We're going to an ad break,
we'll see you in three!
It's gone in her eye!
Do you like it when it
hits you in the face?
LAUGHTER
Hurrah!
Welcome back to Celebrity
Juice, sponsored by salad!
Fearne. Hello.
You love salad, don't you?
I cannot get enough of it.
Well, in honour of you
and our friendship,
I've decided we can play
a game that's up to you
what salad-based game we play.
Let's do the yoga game.
Yo-ga To Get In Shape.
Tell you what, you can even
host it, so let's play...
♪ This is the dawning of
the age of Aquarius. ♪
Hello, I am Fearne Yogi Cotton
and welcome to Yo-ga
To Get In Shape!
KEITH WHOOPS GONG
So, Maya and Katherine, you'll
see that you are lying down
on a comfy, relaxed yoga mat
in a beautiful yoga setting
with some fresh carrots
dangling above your heads.
All you have to do is lock in
to that yogi core strength
and lower the carrot into
your delicate mouths.
OK. Are you taking
your trousers off?
No, I have to undo them because
otherwise I'll get sliced in half.
I asked to play the game that
way, but Maya said mouth.
It's not... Right, only mouth.
Good.
So, bearing that in
mind, with your mouths,
the person with the shortest
carrot stub wins the game.
Oh, I'm gonna win this. Capiche?
On the chime, start chowing
down on the carrots.
OK. OK. Namaste.
CHIME There it is!
A good, firm chow down
from Katherine already.
Spit it out, whatever you like.
Swallow or spit, up to you.
It's all about engaging the
core, getting maximum...
Oh, look at this move! We're
going for a shoulder stand.
Going for a yoga shoulder stand.
It's gone in her eye!
Do you like it when it
hits you in the face?
Maya is very precise about this,
She's chewing like a little rabbit.
Come on, Katherine, you've got this.
Don't fart, cos we'll know it's you.
That's it, Katherine,
you're so close!
Katherine you're so close!
My legs are too short.
How do you do this? Maya
is down to a mere stub.
Yes! Yes! My core...
GONG That's it. That's it.
So let's have a look
at the two carrots.
It's so unfair. Thank you
very much, Katherine.
I think we can all see
there is a clear winner
between Maya's and
Katherine's carrot.
Maya, you have been enlightened,
you are the winner.
Yay! Well done, you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, for any boys,
girls, here's a replay.
'Teenage Dream' by Katy Perry.
Oh, no.
That was quite delicate.
Yeah, that was all right.
LAUGHTER
Oh, Katherine!
What are we watching? It was
a beautiful thing to watch.
So, next up, Jimmy, it's you...
Oh, OK.
..and Keith. All right.
♪ This is the dawning of
the age of Aquarius. ♪
Welcome back to Yo-ga
To Get In Shape.
This time, we've Jimmy and
Keith looking so zen.
Are you ready to go?
I can't wait, me.
So again, lock into that core,
namaste, on the mystical chimes.
CHIMES
We're off. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, he's
gone straight in.
Look at that tongue.
Oh, my God.
You look like a little Ewok.
Look at him spit...
Just gonna move back a little bit.
Oh, my God!
This is grim! Aaah!
What's going on? What a game.
Yes! It's gonna be so close.
Keith, you've got it.
It won't come down!
You've gotta keep...
That hit my neck!
The fuck are we doing, man?
GONG Ah, it's over, it's over.
Genuinely, that was the
most fun I've had.
That was amazing.
Let's watch a slo-mo.
'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls
Look at the lips on that.
You look like a
hungry koala bear.
That's a great angle.
This is gonna be...
Who cares who wins.
..so close. I love you, man.
Is it a draw? We don't
wanna do it again.
Can we do it with real dicks?
LAUGHTER
It is a draw, well
done, guys, namaste.
For the scores, we're going
to go over to Joel Dommett.
The scores are... Sha-ting!
Jimmy, you're quite a well
travelled person, aren't you? Yes.
Have you ever heard of
the Hell-stree Angels?
Hell-stree Angels? Yeah,
they're based in Elstree.
No! They're a really gnarly
group of bikers, yeah,
They're nice people, but
they have been known
to bite the wing
mirrors off of cars
and shit and piss in
their own leather jeans.
But they're nice people and
they like to boogie in the bar.
Would you like to
go down to that bar
and play Name It On
The Biker Boogie?
Yeah? Let's Play... Name
It On The Biker Boogie!
Hi, y'all! Welcome to the
Hell-stree's Biker Bar
here in the deep south of
the UK in Elstree. Yee-haw!
What's gonna happen in this
game is y'all gotta dance
and hopefully, he can guess
what you're dancing to.
Can you hear me, Brian?
I can't hear you.
Brian can't hear cos he's got
sound-cancelling headphones on.
Can I ask what accent it is?
Summat from Scooby Doo.
I'm gonna drop a
damn dirty beat.
SCRATCHES RECORD
'Earthquake' by Labrinth
♪ I predict an
earthquake up in here. ♪
Falling down... Shaking?
Shaking!
Earthquake? Yes!
Labrinth!
Let's have a check, y'all!
♪ Yeah... ♪
That's correct,
that was correct!
Motherfucker, you've
got some sick skills.
OK, here's another one.
'Call On Me' by Eric Prydz
♪ Call on me, call on me ♪
Call Me! Blondie?
Call me...
♪ Call on me I'm the
same boy I used to be ♪
Call me slut? I don't...
♪ Call on me... ♪
Call me woman?
Call me crazy?
Oh, oh, oh, it's this.
Call On Me?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's have a listen...
Yes, correct, you got it!
You got that right.
Y'all wanna check out Jimmy Carr?
See what he got.
OK, let's have a dirty damn beat.
Still have carrot in my...
THE BILL THEME
Oh, is this The Bill?
Siren... The Police?
Cash.
Write... Sick tune,
man, I love this tune.
Ticket. It's a shit
police show, come on!
Let's sit, if we're eating...
Big shout out to salad
for sponsoring y'all tonight.
Eating!
Money, cheque, can I get the bill?
Yeah!
The Bill?
Big shout out to the police.
Here's another one,
you dirty bitches.
'Axel F' by Crazy Frog
What's this? What is this?
Crazy Frog! What?
Crazy Frog? Yeah!
You'll like this next one.
Here's the next one.
'I Want To Break Free' by Queen
♪ I want to break free... ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
YMCA? I mean...
I Want To Break Free? Yeah!
Jimmy Carr, y'all!
Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to the
Hell-stree's Angels biker bar,
I'm here with my main
man, Fearne Cotton.
Hey, motherfucker, Fearne, y'all,
you wanna get your dick out
and have a go at this?
Why not, mate?
Well, let's have a go, let's see y'all!
Let's do this!
JURASSIC PARK THEME
I love this tune the most.
Zombie! Dinosaur!
Angry dinosaur.
Tyrannosaurus rex.
THEY MAKE DINOSAUR SOUNDS
Yeah, yeah! Tyrannosaurus rex?
Tyrannosaurus... Dinosaurs?
The film! Film... Jurassic Park!
Yeah! Oh, yes!
OK, here's the next one.
Suck your daddy's dick.
'Sexual' by NEIKED
♪ ..the way that I feel
♪ I'm feeling sexual So
we should be sexual ♪
Sexy, sexy, baby. Feeling sexy.
Love. Love and sex!
Sexy time.
Sex...
Sexual. Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Yes!
Tell you what, I'll take your sister
to the park and I'll do the dirty.
'Orinoco Flow' by Enya
♪ Sail away, sail
away, sail away ♪
Let's make a boat, so
we're a boat together.
OK, OK. Boat!
I always thought this
was Save A Whale.
I thought it was
about saving whales.
Looking out to sea.
Waving goodbye.
Sailing. Sail Away!
Oh, that was good. APPLAUSE
KLAXON
Oh, y'all, check that shit.
That be the klaxon!
Oh, motherfucker.
Damn. Damn! Mm-mm. I know!
I can tell you that all the scores
at the end of that, y'all...
LAUGHTER
I'm all over the place
with this voice.
I don't have it down right
now, but the scores are...
Sha-motherfucking-ting!
Check that shit out.
We're going to a break now, y'all,
we'll see you after that shit.
Coming up after t'break: Whoa!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did
you hit your penis?
I hurt my penis. My
real-life penis.
Hello and welcome back
to Celebrity Juice!
All to play for in our final
round, it's the buzzer round!
Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer,
be a chancer and buzz in anyway.
Jimmy, what's yours?
I'm dying to be back
in the band, so I am!'
Oh, was that... Was that done before
we knew he wasn't back in the band?
'If you could take us back, I'd
be much appreciative of that.'
Fearne, what's your buzzer?
'Man, I'm so fit, innit.'
That's life... OK, here's
the first question.
Which British celebrity was
recently announced as the host
of the US version of Bake Off?
'Let us back in the band,
you bunch of BLEEP.'
LAUGHTER
Be quiet. Jimmy, you
were saying something?
Emma Bunton. That's correct!
Oh, I like this.
What's Joel up to here?
'Yeah, I was in
fucking Rizzle Kicks
'but I was also in fucking
Star Wars, you get me?'
Fucking Star Wars
legend now, you are.
It's not often I say so, but that's
just me making a funny face.
Well, let's have a look.
No, it says here you're
jizzing in your pants.
Who is Fearne dominating here?
'Check me on Instagram, look
at my face, I'm so fit, yeah!'
James Carr. James Carr,
let's have a look.
DING That's correct!
When was that? Mate, you
look like Roger Federer.
Just sitting on you, pal.
What's Maya Jama sitting on here? Is
she sitting on the dock of a bay?
Nice. Don't plug your
album now, mate.
Go on, give us a blast. ♪
Sittin' on the dock of a bay. ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Cute. He's freestyling now.
That's actually...
That's freestyling, baby.
Brian, I've just heard
that Westlife have phoned up,
you're back in the band!
'Flying Without
Wings' by Westlife.
I don't need this shit anymore.
I don't need this shit anymore!
He's back in the band! Bye!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're a fucking liar!
What's Maya Jama
sitting on here?
I'm in a wheelchair.
Let's have a look.
I actually am, yeah.
Holy shit balls.
Who wore it better, Jordan Stephens
or a generic Oompa Loompa?
'I'm so fit, look at me,
just check me out, yeah?'
When did you have that hair?
I had green hair.
It's a really close call, but
I'm gonna say the Oompa Loompa.
That's correct. LAUGHTER
Point for whoever out
of Joel and Brian
can do the best caterpillar.
Fuck this, five minutes
ago, I was back in Westlife
and now I'm doing the
fucking caterpillar?
Go on, Joel, you can do it.
Ohh!
Good control. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you hit your penis? I hurt
my penis, my real-life penis.
Oh, mate, I really got it.
Fucking hell.
How do you do a
backwards caterpillar?
Oh, my God, the
caterpillar died.
LAUGHTER
It's a drunk caterpillar.
The point goes to Joel!
You all right, Brian?
Not really, no.
Again, I still can't get over
that fucking Westlife thing.
What did Marilyn Manson reveal
he was selling this week?
His rib! The rib... that he
removed to suck his own penis.
Is that what he did? Yeah.
Wait, have I made that up?
KLAXON
Oh, there's the klaxon! That's
the end of the buzzer round,
that's the end of this
week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you that the
winning team is...
Joel, you did very well
tonight, you dressed as me,
I respect and salute you for
that, you did the caterpillar.
Thank you. The winner is...
Jimmy's team! Yes! Come on!
I was Keith Lemon, If I don't
see you through't week,
I'll see you through't
window, let's dance!
'Sexual' by NEIKED
♪ I'm feeling sexual So
we should be sexual ♪
♪ Just say you feel The
way that I feel... ♪
Goodbye!
Subtitles by TVT