Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 17, Episode 2 - Episode #17.2 - full transcript
I'm Keith Lemon.
Check out my new, sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking,
'What the fuck'? Don't worry.
It's just another overelaborate
metaphor for how rad this show is.
Look! Holly Willoughboozy, firing
space lasers from her massive tits.
Fearne Cotton,
riding a cock-shaped spaceship.
Gino D'Acampo, firing dough balls.
Here we are, taking a selfie.
Online presence!
Phew! Made it to t'studio just
in time for the best show on telly.
What's that telly show?
Celebrity Juice. Not in 3D.
I fucking wish it were though.
(CHEERING)
Hurrah!
(AUDIENCE STAMP FEET)
Hello, I'm Keith Lemon.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
We've got some awesome guests.
Before we meet them,
let's meet our team captains.
It's Holly Willoughbilly!
'Willoughbilly'? That's new.
Holly Willoughbill-lil-lil-lil.
Don't start!
You are looking so night-time.
Thanks. That's a good thing.
Night-time is the right time,
hot baby!
Thank you.
You all right?
Really good. You OK?
Yeah.
I like your top.
I borrowed my mum's blouse.
You might, at home, see my nipples,
so what I've done,
because they have make-up artists
here, I've had them enhanced
so now they look like black puddings.
Would you like some Guinness?
Oh!
Who's on your team? On my right,
he's absolutely fantastico,
it is Gino!
AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Gino!
And on my left,
she is Baywatch royalty,
it's the one and only
Pamela Anderson.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
(LAUGHTER)
This is Pamela Anderson if it wasn't
so hot - it's Fearne Cotton!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Who's on your team?
On my left
is the hardest-working comedian
in show business, Jimmy Carr.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
And on my right,
the legend that is Will Mellor.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Strong.
Pamela Anderson, everyone!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
This is probably the third time
you've been on.
I keep coming back. I love you,
you're funny. Say that again.
Check out my new, sweet-ass titles.
You're probably thinking,
'What the fuck'? Don't worry.
It's just another overelaborate
metaphor for how rad this show is.
Look! Holly Willoughboozy, firing
space lasers from her massive tits.
Fearne Cotton,
riding a cock-shaped spaceship.
Gino D'Acampo, firing dough balls.
Here we are, taking a selfie.
Online presence!
Phew! Made it to t'studio just
in time for the best show on telly.
What's that telly show?
Celebrity Juice. Not in 3D.
I fucking wish it were though.
(CHEERING)
Hurrah!
(AUDIENCE STAMP FEET)
Hello, I'm Keith Lemon.
Welcome to Celebrity Juice.
We've got some awesome guests.
Before we meet them,
let's meet our team captains.
It's Holly Willoughbilly!
'Willoughbilly'? That's new.
Holly Willoughbill-lil-lil-lil.
Don't start!
You are looking so night-time.
Thanks. That's a good thing.
Night-time is the right time,
hot baby!
Thank you.
You all right?
Really good. You OK?
Yeah.
I like your top.
I borrowed my mum's blouse.
You might, at home, see my nipples,
so what I've done,
because they have make-up artists
here, I've had them enhanced
so now they look like black puddings.
Would you like some Guinness?
Oh!
Who's on your team? On my right,
he's absolutely fantastico,
it is Gino!
AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino! Gino!
And on my left,
she is Baywatch royalty,
it's the one and only
Pamela Anderson.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
(LAUGHTER)
This is Pamela Anderson if it wasn't
so hot - it's Fearne Cotton!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Who's on your team?
On my left
is the hardest-working comedian
in show business, Jimmy Carr.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
And on my right,
the legend that is Will Mellor.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Strong.
Pamela Anderson, everyone!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
This is probably the third time
you've been on.
I keep coming back. I love you,
you're funny. Say that again.