Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 14, Episode 7 - Episode #14.7 - full transcript
Joey, what this is, is the Celebrity
Juice guest team captain's wall
of fame. If you do a good job
tonight, you could be on here.
How?
What you need is confidence.
I am confident, I am all confidence.
Confidence, determination.
I've got deter-mined.
You've got what?
I am deter-mined.
Most of all, what you need
is good communication skills,
communicate with your panellists.
All right, Gino? What's happening?
I'm showing him the wal
Where is my picture?
You are not very good, are you?
You always get it wrong.
You can't even intro the guests.
I have been intro the guests
for the last three years.
Intro your guests to him now, show
me. Everybody can intro the guests.
On my right - That your left.
He knows it's left.
I tell you what I'm going to do,
I'm going to go for a sweet poo,
I'll see you after the title
sequence. That's your left.
Doesn't matter, it's camera right.
How do, I am Keith Lemon and these
are my sweet as titles.
There's Holly Willoughby coming
out of a giant clam.
Check out them bangers, boy.
There is Gino do Campo
who is covering for Fern
while she's off having a baby.
How is that possible?
We are all here in heaven,
but don't worry, we are not dead,
it's just an over-elaborate metaphor
for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best
telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
You know what it is, it's Celebrity
Juice. On telly. HD Ready.
Aaaaargh!
Hoorah!
How do, electric boogaloo,
and welcome to Celebrity Juice.
I'm Keith Lemon,
let's meet our team captains.
This week, Holly is not here.
I can't believe they've done this,
it's going to be a long show.
It's Joey Essex. (APPLAUSE)
Joey, who is on your team?
Today, guys, she is a salty potato,
she is also the Xtra Factor
presenter, it is Rochelle Humes,
everyone.
(APPLAUSE)
Rochelle is a salty potato?
I don't know what that means.
Do you like salt?
Do I like salt?
Yeah.
Yeah. Do you like potatoes?
Yeah.
Then you like her, don't you?
Salty potato. What?
Who else is in?
And to my left, he is a reem singer,
it's James Morrison.
(APPLAUSE)
OK, let's meet
our next team captain,
all the way from Sheffield,
it's Gino Sheffield Decampo.
AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino!
Gino, you've got
a lot of pressure here,
let's see
if you can communicate your team.
You have forgotten
who's sat next to you!
You're going to cut this shit
off anyway. (LAUGHS)
On my left, she has got a head full
of hair and her name is Ella...
Looking at the spelling,
it says Ear.
Ella Ear?
Eyre!
Eyre.
Yeah.
On my right, the question that
everybody is asking,
well I do, is Ollie Murs
flacking her or not flacking her?
It is Caroline Flack.
(APPLAUSE)
Caroline, it is lovely to see you,
are you well? I am really well.
Recently, you were not well,
because am I correct in thinking you
have still only got one functioning
arm, or do they both function?
I fell off a bike and hurt my elbow.
I thought I had broken it, I went
to hospital and they x-rayed it
and they couldn't find anything
wrong with it. Look.
Jesu
What's wrong with it?
I have got a picture that you
tweeted. Look at that.
When you went to the doctor,
did they say,
"Yes, you are catching knee
on your elbow"? Were you drunk? No.
I was just driving a bike. (SLURS)
Get the bike, I'll go for a ride.
I was just normally riding a bike.
What time of day? About m
I was biking home,
I fell into a tree.
You fell into a tree riding a bike
at 12 o'clock at night,
not drunk and fell into a tree!
Are there things you can't do?
Put your hair up.
What about when...
What about when you are by yourself
and you need
to give yourself some respect?
I am right-handed.
So you never used the other hand
so it feels like someone else?
What about if you are texting
and playing with your minge
(APPLAUSE) Oh, my God. Gino, what is
this about you going on tour?
What do you do on tour?
Are you singing?
No, I am just cooking on tour.
I am taking Gino's Italian Escape
on tour.
So we buy a ticket and watch you
make someone's dinner? Yes.
But then I tell the secrets
of Italy.
The secret of Italy,
what are the secrets of Italy?
JOEY: I know a secret of Italy.
Joey, what is the secret of Italy?
That the actual island
looks like a boot.
How can it be an island?
It's attached to France!
(LAUGHS) What is it then? It is
a country.
Juice guest team captain's wall
of fame. If you do a good job
tonight, you could be on here.
How?
What you need is confidence.
I am confident, I am all confidence.
Confidence, determination.
I've got deter-mined.
You've got what?
I am deter-mined.
Most of all, what you need
is good communication skills,
communicate with your panellists.
All right, Gino? What's happening?
I'm showing him the wal
Where is my picture?
You are not very good, are you?
You always get it wrong.
You can't even intro the guests.
I have been intro the guests
for the last three years.
Intro your guests to him now, show
me. Everybody can intro the guests.
On my right - That your left.
He knows it's left.
I tell you what I'm going to do,
I'm going to go for a sweet poo,
I'll see you after the title
sequence. That's your left.
Doesn't matter, it's camera right.
How do, I am Keith Lemon and these
are my sweet as titles.
There's Holly Willoughby coming
out of a giant clam.
Check out them bangers, boy.
There is Gino do Campo
who is covering for Fern
while she's off having a baby.
How is that possible?
We are all here in heaven,
but don't worry, we are not dead,
it's just an over-elaborate metaphor
for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best
telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
You know what it is, it's Celebrity
Juice. On telly. HD Ready.
Aaaaargh!
Hoorah!
How do, electric boogaloo,
and welcome to Celebrity Juice.
I'm Keith Lemon,
let's meet our team captains.
This week, Holly is not here.
I can't believe they've done this,
it's going to be a long show.
It's Joey Essex. (APPLAUSE)
Joey, who is on your team?
Today, guys, she is a salty potato,
she is also the Xtra Factor
presenter, it is Rochelle Humes,
everyone.
(APPLAUSE)
Rochelle is a salty potato?
I don't know what that means.
Do you like salt?
Do I like salt?
Yeah.
Yeah. Do you like potatoes?
Yeah.
Then you like her, don't you?
Salty potato. What?
Who else is in?
And to my left, he is a reem singer,
it's James Morrison.
(APPLAUSE)
OK, let's meet
our next team captain,
all the way from Sheffield,
it's Gino Sheffield Decampo.
AUDIENCE: Gino! Gino! Gino!
Gino, you've got
a lot of pressure here,
let's see
if you can communicate your team.
You have forgotten
who's sat next to you!
You're going to cut this shit
off anyway. (LAUGHS)
On my left, she has got a head full
of hair and her name is Ella...
Looking at the spelling,
it says Ear.
Ella Ear?
Eyre!
Eyre.
Yeah.
On my right, the question that
everybody is asking,
well I do, is Ollie Murs
flacking her or not flacking her?
It is Caroline Flack.
(APPLAUSE)
Caroline, it is lovely to see you,
are you well? I am really well.
Recently, you were not well,
because am I correct in thinking you
have still only got one functioning
arm, or do they both function?
I fell off a bike and hurt my elbow.
I thought I had broken it, I went
to hospital and they x-rayed it
and they couldn't find anything
wrong with it. Look.
Jesu
What's wrong with it?
I have got a picture that you
tweeted. Look at that.
When you went to the doctor,
did they say,
"Yes, you are catching knee
on your elbow"? Were you drunk? No.
I was just driving a bike. (SLURS)
Get the bike, I'll go for a ride.
I was just normally riding a bike.
What time of day? About m
I was biking home,
I fell into a tree.
You fell into a tree riding a bike
at 12 o'clock at night,
not drunk and fell into a tree!
Are there things you can't do?
Put your hair up.
What about when...
What about when you are by yourself
and you need
to give yourself some respect?
I am right-handed.
So you never used the other hand
so it feels like someone else?
What about if you are texting
and playing with your minge
(APPLAUSE) Oh, my God. Gino, what is
this about you going on tour?
What do you do on tour?
Are you singing?
No, I am just cooking on tour.
I am taking Gino's Italian Escape
on tour.
So we buy a ticket and watch you
make someone's dinner? Yes.
But then I tell the secrets
of Italy.
The secret of Italy,
what are the secrets of Italy?
JOEY: I know a secret of Italy.
Joey, what is the secret of Italy?
That the actual island
looks like a boot.
How can it be an island?
It's attached to France!
(LAUGHS) What is it then? It is
a country.