Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 14, Episode 3 - Ultimate #TBTCelebJuice Special - full transcript
Holly, can you believe it is seven
years since we did our very first
Celebrity Juice?
I can believe it because you said
that at the end of last week's show.
(LAUGHTER)
I did. That's all right. I can't
believe that I was 25
and you had no kids, you never pissed
on the fox and -
That is -
And Fearne used to be a guy?!
Oh no. No. It is not true.
It is true.
It is true. No, it's not.
It is true. And it is special to me.
I will tell you what I think we
should do.
We should celebrate this moment and
maybe you blog me off the desk,
teabag my balls and maybe I will even
let you poke my arsehole.
Hold it. Here is another suggestion.
We could just roll the old titles.
Yes, that's a good idea.
Yes. Yes.
BOTH: Run titles!
I used to be a simple businessman.
And in one day I came up with a
simple idea.
When I say simple, I don't mean I am
thick.
I thought I would invite thingumyjig
and Holly Watsit.
Put them in a celebrity panel show
with me Keith Lemon.
What is this programme?
It is Celebrity Juice.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yeah.
Yeah...
Ooraaarrgh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome to the ultimate Throwback
Thursday Celebrity Juice special.
OK, let's meet our team captains.
I could never do this without her.
It is none other than Holly
Willoughbooby.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
Wow...
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Do you know, that is one of the
nicest things you ever said to me.
It is.
I actually quite like you now.
(LAUGHTER)
If you got crazy drunk, would you
let me lick your arsehole?
(LAUGHTER)
Probably not.
OK, maybe if you got crazy drunk
could I think your front arsehole?
(LAUGHTER)
For seven years the answer has and
will always be no.
AUDIENCE: Aahhhhh
Let him lick your front arsehole.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Who is on your team?
On my right is the legend who has
just returned to EastEnders.
It is the one and only Dean
Gaffney!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And on my left he is Hollywood
royalty.
It is Verne Troyer.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK, Motherfucker!
What is going down?
What's up, Wankor?
(LAUGHTER)
That is American for wanker.
OK, let us meet our other team
captain.
Again, as much love as I have for
Holly,
I have equal love for this woman.
She is back after having a baby.
We could not do it with out. It is
Fearne Cotton.
(CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE)
This is stupid.
Fearne, how are you?
I am not Fearne. I am Gino D'Acampo.
This is stupid.
Go along with it, you dick face!
I'm fine.
(LAUGHTER)
Fearne, your nostrils look
massive.
They have always been.
(LAUGHTER)
She would give me loads of shit.
Yes, er...
You ginger (BLEEP).
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
ALL: Gino, Gino!
Let us see how Gino looked compared
to Fearne
in the first show.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let us see how Holly has changed.
(WOLF WHISTLE)
She has just got more fake tan on.
I look young.
Front doors and backdoors!
(LAUGHTER)
Let's have a look at me.
This is the biggest change.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
It is your hair.
Who is on your team?
On my left it is my favourite DJ
ever
(LAUGHTER)
I am glad he is back.
I really missed him. It is Chris
Moyles.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello.
Chris, he is trying to be nice.
That is very nice. I have realised
tonight is the night I can actually
years since we did our very first
Celebrity Juice?
I can believe it because you said
that at the end of last week's show.
(LAUGHTER)
I did. That's all right. I can't
believe that I was 25
and you had no kids, you never pissed
on the fox and -
That is -
And Fearne used to be a guy?!
Oh no. No. It is not true.
It is true.
It is true. No, it's not.
It is true. And it is special to me.
I will tell you what I think we
should do.
We should celebrate this moment and
maybe you blog me off the desk,
teabag my balls and maybe I will even
let you poke my arsehole.
Hold it. Here is another suggestion.
We could just roll the old titles.
Yes, that's a good idea.
Yes. Yes.
BOTH: Run titles!
I used to be a simple businessman.
And in one day I came up with a
simple idea.
When I say simple, I don't mean I am
thick.
I thought I would invite thingumyjig
and Holly Watsit.
Put them in a celebrity panel show
with me Keith Lemon.
What is this programme?
It is Celebrity Juice.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yeah.
Yeah...
Ooraaarrgh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome to the ultimate Throwback
Thursday Celebrity Juice special.
OK, let's meet our team captains.
I could never do this without her.
It is none other than Holly
Willoughbooby.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
Wow...
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Do you know, that is one of the
nicest things you ever said to me.
It is.
I actually quite like you now.
(LAUGHTER)
If you got crazy drunk, would you
let me lick your arsehole?
(LAUGHTER)
Probably not.
OK, maybe if you got crazy drunk
could I think your front arsehole?
(LAUGHTER)
For seven years the answer has and
will always be no.
AUDIENCE: Aahhhhh
Let him lick your front arsehole.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Who is on your team?
On my right is the legend who has
just returned to EastEnders.
It is the one and only Dean
Gaffney!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And on my left he is Hollywood
royalty.
It is Verne Troyer.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK, Motherfucker!
What is going down?
What's up, Wankor?
(LAUGHTER)
That is American for wanker.
OK, let us meet our other team
captain.
Again, as much love as I have for
Holly,
I have equal love for this woman.
She is back after having a baby.
We could not do it with out. It is
Fearne Cotton.
(CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE)
This is stupid.
Fearne, how are you?
I am not Fearne. I am Gino D'Acampo.
This is stupid.
Go along with it, you dick face!
I'm fine.
(LAUGHTER)
Fearne, your nostrils look
massive.
They have always been.
(LAUGHTER)
She would give me loads of shit.
Yes, er...
You ginger (BLEEP).
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
ALL: Gino, Gino!
Let us see how Gino looked compared
to Fearne
in the first show.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let us see how Holly has changed.
(WOLF WHISTLE)
She has just got more fake tan on.
I look young.
Front doors and backdoors!
(LAUGHTER)
Let's have a look at me.
This is the biggest change.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
It is your hair.
Who is on your team?
On my left it is my favourite DJ
ever
(LAUGHTER)
I am glad he is back.
I really missed him. It is Chris
Moyles.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello.
Chris, he is trying to be nice.
That is very nice. I have realised
tonight is the night I can actually