Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 13, Episode 9 - Normal Special - full transcript
Hi, I am Keith Lemon, and these
are my titles. Plush or what?
There is Holly Willoughbooby
coming out of a giant clam.
Still got dem bangers, boy!
There is Fearne Cotton with
a bow and arrow. Careful!
That nearly went inside me! There
is Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but
don't worry, we're not dead.
It's an over-elaborate metaphor
for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the
best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
Celebrity Juice, on telly, HD ready.
Oh, hey!
I've come.
Hello and welcome to Celebrity
Juice: Normal Special.
So let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Fearne Cotton.
Hey, Fearne, who's on your team?
Well, I have Corrie babe
Brooke Vincent to my left.
And to my right, the naughtiest
man in music, it is Naughty Boy.
Give us some cider, some white wine.
Throw us some red wine in.
It's Holly Willoughboozy!
Hi. I don't sound like that.
Hey, Holly, who is on your team?
Well, on my right I have
a footballing legend
who will be talking a
load of Bullards tonight.
It's Jimmy Bullard.
And on my left, the most
glamorous couple in telly,
Marvin and Rochelle.
Thanks for having us on. This
is my favourite show, everyone.
Like, the best show.
I never played at Wembley
as a football player,
but now I'm here, this
feels like my Wembley.
Aw!
I was expecting a cheer
but it went 'aw'.
Can we just go 'yes'?
Yes!
Fucking made it. Mum, I'm here.
Keith, I love you.
Thanks for having us on, Keith.
Holly, last week you were elected
Celebrity Juice Prime Minister.
Yes, that's right. Have you got any
policies you'd like to bring in?
For my first policy,
I am suggesting -
no, I am making it a fact -
that we have champagne on
my team's desk all game.
A frisky little devil.
Look at this.
This is like heaven
for me right now.
Oh, all right, darling!
I thought he was
the naughty boy!
Everyone, it's Naughty Boy.
I want it back.
Naughty Boy, you
have won two MOBOs,
you had one of the highest selling
singles in British history
and worked with the biggest
music names on the planet,
but unfortunately there's one big
story that's shadowing all of that.
Hmm...
What is the naughtiest
thing you've ever done?
I've got a list here of things,
I want to know if you think
they're naughty. OK.
We are going to start gently.
What about finger up the bum?
Oh... Yeah?
What about flicking the Vs at a
blind person? Is that naughty?
No. Anyone can piss anyone off.
So really, if you've done
something to piss someone off.
I could do it behind
Fearne's back.
But you won't. No, I won't.
I wouldn't.
I know that.
What about changing Stephen Hawking's
voice box setting to Arabic?
I think it should be like a
different country every week.
But if you are too naughty, you
know where you end up, don't you?
Jail? On the Naughty Step.
That's where you'll end up.
What's been going on with Zayn?
Zayn's in a great place.
But what's been going down?
With Louis?
Zayn, you know, left for
his own personal reasons.
And one day people
will know everything.
Right now is not the time.
He's just doing...
But Louis dissed your
Mac filter photos.
Shall we have a look at some of the tweets?
This is from Louis.
Yeah, and who had a MacBook
when they were 12?
I didn't even have a PC when I was 12.
Fucking hell.
Then you replied to Louis:
Ooh!
Naughty Boy! Naughty Boy!
Who is complaining? No-one is.
So you're right. Thank
God for auto tune.
Guess who my friend is.
Who? Louis.
Oh, right. Here we go.
Now I'm a celebrity...
Are you going to ring him?
Yes, I'm gonna call him.
Don't do that.
You're lucky, he's asleep.
It's all banter.
Seriously, he had
a lot to tell me.
Is this for real, Jimmy?
He don't fucking like him.
Hey! Naughty step!
Naughty step!
No, Keith, it's my fucking
first time on here.
Oh, fuck's sake!
Sin bin. Fucking first time on here.
This is shit.
It's my first time on here.
Not all show, though.
No, until you've learned your lesson.
I've learned my lesson.
Have you?
What's he doing? Do you not
understand why you're on the step?
I really don't. Do
you not understand?
I didn't do nothing. Do you know
what you did? You said a bad word.
You swear all the time.
Yes, but I'm an adult.
Do you understand why you're here?
Sorry, Keith.
Sorry? Right, go sit back.
Oh, thanks, Keith.
Sorry.
Naughty, I'm going to
embarrass you again here.
Oh, fuck's sake. This one's a
nice one and it shows initiative.
It's got good morals, this one.
You were on Deal or No Deal. Yes.
This is awesome. This
is the best story.
This is a legendary historic moment.
Naughty, tell us the story, though.
I dropped out of uni, I had
like £10 in my bank account.
But I played the show and
came back with £44,000.
And what did you do with that?
And I built a studio in my mum
and dad's shed. Yes! Recogni
Hug it out.
I tell you what, Brooke, congratulations
on winning a BAFTA on Sunday.
Well done.
There you are. You don't
look very pleased.
You look like, 'do I get one or is
there just one? Do we get loads made?
You are the fittest one
on Corrie right now.
Oh, yeah, why? Cos Keegs left.
Thanks, mate.
I never said that.
Right out the door.
See you in a bit.
Are you a bridesmaid for Keegan?
No, I'm not a bridesmaid.
We got a picture of
you on the hen do.
Why are you sniffing
your fingers?
Well...
Because she'd just seen Marvin!
That's like a 'ha'!
That's a sly snifter. Ha! Oof...
Hey, it's Rochelle and Marvin.
TV's faffest couple.
Second faffest, I would say,
behind me and Fearne, I suppose.
Would you say you are the more
urban version of Eamon and Ruth?
Yeah. Yeah, definitely, yeah.
How's the family, good?
Very good, yes.
You recently had a day out
at the zoo, didn't you?
We got a picture
of you at the zoo.
There you are. Hey,
I'm at London Zoo!
I knew this was coming.
Marvin, you've got a
long neck, haven't you?
I have, historically, yes.
He uses it quite
a lot, actually.
What, my neck? All right!
The other day when
you were driving,
remember you could not
see around the corner
and your neck was like...
Rochelle, you've got a new show
on ITV1 with Ben Shephard, Chris
Kamara called Ninja Worrior UK.
What do ninjas have
to worry about?
On our show, they have to worry
about not falling into the water.
I get to talk to the men who are
nice and muscly afterwards.
Look at daggers then!
Honestly, she has a go at me, right,
for, you know, looking at, you know,
another woman on TV or whatever.
She, like, literally gets
the geezers on the show
to take their tops off, feeling
their pecs, feeling their biceps.
She's all over them, mate.
Yeah, but mine's for work.
Yeah, OK.
Marvin. Keith.
Is it true that when
you were in JLS,
Oritse liked to get you
to squeeze into things?
Yeah, he got me in the band.
So it is true? Yes.
Great. So let's play
What Can We Get Marv-In?
Hello. OK. So as you can see, we've
got a variety of objects here
we're gonna see if
we can get Marv in.
For each one that you get in,
you win a point for your team.
Perfect. Let's go. Let's do it.
Let's start with a suitcase.
Do you think he'll be
able to get in? Yeah!
Oh, Jesus.
Take the shoes off.
Yeah, shoes off.
No. Keep your shoes on. Go on.
Nah, this ain't gonna happen, mate.
Yes, it is.
Go on your side like a baby.
You've done it, you've done it!
I have to shut it.
Lend him a shoehorn and get him in.
Quick, no, Marv, that shoulder.
Put your foot on him.
Tread on him.
I'm getting cramp in my neck.
That's it, that's it! I've
got to be able to shut it.
Marvin, that is so...
Are you all right
in there, Marv?
My neck!
Pull your neck in
like when ET does.
Does it shut? Is that shut?
That's half a point.
He's sweating.
I only got fucking
half a point for that?
Jesus, my neck, man.
Yeah, your neck.
Right, what about a fridge? Or,
if you're American, refrigerator.
- Can he get in this?
- Yeah!
Go on, you can do this.
It looks deeper.
I reckon this might be harder
cos there is nowhere to bend.
Oh, look at that!
His neck just did it.
Let's speak to the adjudicators.
Don't half a point us off, Keith.
That's got to be half a point.
They are saying no points.
What?!
That's, tough, that is. I would
have given you half a point, Marv.
If that bit weren't
there, I'd be all right.
Dog's kennel. Let's see if you
can get in a dog's kennel.
Have you ever been in the
doghouse before? Oh, yeah!
Always.
Go in backwards. I think
forwards, Brooke.
No, I promise you. Is
that what you always say?
I'll go in backwards later
on, don't you worry.
There's no back door, babe.
- He'll get in there, won't he?
- Yeah!
He means business now. He
is taking his jacket off.
You are doing it wrong.
She's done it before?
You can come out now.
No, stay in there!
Marvin, I have to tell you, if you
don't get in one, you lose a point.
What? What?
No, let's have another go
at the suitcase real quick.
Really? No, the fridge.
Go on. Get your neck
in half a yard.
Wind your neck in.
Can I just check...?
Yes!
If you don't want
him, I'll have him!
Oh, my God. Fucking...
He's heavy.
He's banging, he's banging!
Fucking boom!
You were in the jungle, weren't you?
Yeah, it was hard.
He didn't win it. He went out.
I came stone cold last.
I felt like a champion,
though, Keith.
You looked like a champion when
you did a bit of photo bombing.
I got my winkle out.
Look at this.
Look all the girls: 'Did you?'
I mean, he clung on for dear life.
He was amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Jimmy is just popping up
behind you, Michaela.
You are joking.
What a lovely day, everyone.
I'm sorry!
I loved that.
Jimmy, have you ever gone on a
cruise with a bunch of celebrities
and gone into a Bermuda
Triangle vortex type thing?
No, but I love this part of the show.
are my titles. Plush or what?
There is Holly Willoughbooby
coming out of a giant clam.
Still got dem bangers, boy!
There is Fearne Cotton with
a bow and arrow. Careful!
That nearly went inside me! There
is Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but
don't worry, we're not dead.
It's an over-elaborate metaphor
for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the
best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
Celebrity Juice, on telly, HD ready.
Oh, hey!
I've come.
Hello and welcome to Celebrity
Juice: Normal Special.
So let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Fearne Cotton.
Hey, Fearne, who's on your team?
Well, I have Corrie babe
Brooke Vincent to my left.
And to my right, the naughtiest
man in music, it is Naughty Boy.
Give us some cider, some white wine.
Throw us some red wine in.
It's Holly Willoughboozy!
Hi. I don't sound like that.
Hey, Holly, who is on your team?
Well, on my right I have
a footballing legend
who will be talking a
load of Bullards tonight.
It's Jimmy Bullard.
And on my left, the most
glamorous couple in telly,
Marvin and Rochelle.
Thanks for having us on. This
is my favourite show, everyone.
Like, the best show.
I never played at Wembley
as a football player,
but now I'm here, this
feels like my Wembley.
Aw!
I was expecting a cheer
but it went 'aw'.
Can we just go 'yes'?
Yes!
Fucking made it. Mum, I'm here.
Keith, I love you.
Thanks for having us on, Keith.
Holly, last week you were elected
Celebrity Juice Prime Minister.
Yes, that's right. Have you got any
policies you'd like to bring in?
For my first policy,
I am suggesting -
no, I am making it a fact -
that we have champagne on
my team's desk all game.
A frisky little devil.
Look at this.
This is like heaven
for me right now.
Oh, all right, darling!
I thought he was
the naughty boy!
Everyone, it's Naughty Boy.
I want it back.
Naughty Boy, you
have won two MOBOs,
you had one of the highest selling
singles in British history
and worked with the biggest
music names on the planet,
but unfortunately there's one big
story that's shadowing all of that.
Hmm...
What is the naughtiest
thing you've ever done?
I've got a list here of things,
I want to know if you think
they're naughty. OK.
We are going to start gently.
What about finger up the bum?
Oh... Yeah?
What about flicking the Vs at a
blind person? Is that naughty?
No. Anyone can piss anyone off.
So really, if you've done
something to piss someone off.
I could do it behind
Fearne's back.
But you won't. No, I won't.
I wouldn't.
I know that.
What about changing Stephen Hawking's
voice box setting to Arabic?
I think it should be like a
different country every week.
But if you are too naughty, you
know where you end up, don't you?
Jail? On the Naughty Step.
That's where you'll end up.
What's been going on with Zayn?
Zayn's in a great place.
But what's been going down?
With Louis?
Zayn, you know, left for
his own personal reasons.
And one day people
will know everything.
Right now is not the time.
He's just doing...
But Louis dissed your
Mac filter photos.
Shall we have a look at some of the tweets?
This is from Louis.
Yeah, and who had a MacBook
when they were 12?
I didn't even have a PC when I was 12.
Fucking hell.
Then you replied to Louis:
Ooh!
Naughty Boy! Naughty Boy!
Who is complaining? No-one is.
So you're right. Thank
God for auto tune.
Guess who my friend is.
Who? Louis.
Oh, right. Here we go.
Now I'm a celebrity...
Are you going to ring him?
Yes, I'm gonna call him.
Don't do that.
You're lucky, he's asleep.
It's all banter.
Seriously, he had
a lot to tell me.
Is this for real, Jimmy?
He don't fucking like him.
Hey! Naughty step!
Naughty step!
No, Keith, it's my fucking
first time on here.
Oh, fuck's sake!
Sin bin. Fucking first time on here.
This is shit.
It's my first time on here.
Not all show, though.
No, until you've learned your lesson.
I've learned my lesson.
Have you?
What's he doing? Do you not
understand why you're on the step?
I really don't. Do
you not understand?
I didn't do nothing. Do you know
what you did? You said a bad word.
You swear all the time.
Yes, but I'm an adult.
Do you understand why you're here?
Sorry, Keith.
Sorry? Right, go sit back.
Oh, thanks, Keith.
Sorry.
Naughty, I'm going to
embarrass you again here.
Oh, fuck's sake. This one's a
nice one and it shows initiative.
It's got good morals, this one.
You were on Deal or No Deal. Yes.
This is awesome. This
is the best story.
This is a legendary historic moment.
Naughty, tell us the story, though.
I dropped out of uni, I had
like £10 in my bank account.
But I played the show and
came back with £44,000.
And what did you do with that?
And I built a studio in my mum
and dad's shed. Yes! Recogni
Hug it out.
I tell you what, Brooke, congratulations
on winning a BAFTA on Sunday.
Well done.
There you are. You don't
look very pleased.
You look like, 'do I get one or is
there just one? Do we get loads made?
You are the fittest one
on Corrie right now.
Oh, yeah, why? Cos Keegs left.
Thanks, mate.
I never said that.
Right out the door.
See you in a bit.
Are you a bridesmaid for Keegan?
No, I'm not a bridesmaid.
We got a picture of
you on the hen do.
Why are you sniffing
your fingers?
Well...
Because she'd just seen Marvin!
That's like a 'ha'!
That's a sly snifter. Ha! Oof...
Hey, it's Rochelle and Marvin.
TV's faffest couple.
Second faffest, I would say,
behind me and Fearne, I suppose.
Would you say you are the more
urban version of Eamon and Ruth?
Yeah. Yeah, definitely, yeah.
How's the family, good?
Very good, yes.
You recently had a day out
at the zoo, didn't you?
We got a picture
of you at the zoo.
There you are. Hey,
I'm at London Zoo!
I knew this was coming.
Marvin, you've got a
long neck, haven't you?
I have, historically, yes.
He uses it quite
a lot, actually.
What, my neck? All right!
The other day when
you were driving,
remember you could not
see around the corner
and your neck was like...
Rochelle, you've got a new show
on ITV1 with Ben Shephard, Chris
Kamara called Ninja Worrior UK.
What do ninjas have
to worry about?
On our show, they have to worry
about not falling into the water.
I get to talk to the men who are
nice and muscly afterwards.
Look at daggers then!
Honestly, she has a go at me, right,
for, you know, looking at, you know,
another woman on TV or whatever.
She, like, literally gets
the geezers on the show
to take their tops off, feeling
their pecs, feeling their biceps.
She's all over them, mate.
Yeah, but mine's for work.
Yeah, OK.
Marvin. Keith.
Is it true that when
you were in JLS,
Oritse liked to get you
to squeeze into things?
Yeah, he got me in the band.
So it is true? Yes.
Great. So let's play
What Can We Get Marv-In?
Hello. OK. So as you can see, we've
got a variety of objects here
we're gonna see if
we can get Marv in.
For each one that you get in,
you win a point for your team.
Perfect. Let's go. Let's do it.
Let's start with a suitcase.
Do you think he'll be
able to get in? Yeah!
Oh, Jesus.
Take the shoes off.
Yeah, shoes off.
No. Keep your shoes on. Go on.
Nah, this ain't gonna happen, mate.
Yes, it is.
Go on your side like a baby.
You've done it, you've done it!
I have to shut it.
Lend him a shoehorn and get him in.
Quick, no, Marv, that shoulder.
Put your foot on him.
Tread on him.
I'm getting cramp in my neck.
That's it, that's it! I've
got to be able to shut it.
Marvin, that is so...
Are you all right
in there, Marv?
My neck!
Pull your neck in
like when ET does.
Does it shut? Is that shut?
That's half a point.
He's sweating.
I only got fucking
half a point for that?
Jesus, my neck, man.
Yeah, your neck.
Right, what about a fridge? Or,
if you're American, refrigerator.
- Can he get in this?
- Yeah!
Go on, you can do this.
It looks deeper.
I reckon this might be harder
cos there is nowhere to bend.
Oh, look at that!
His neck just did it.
Let's speak to the adjudicators.
Don't half a point us off, Keith.
That's got to be half a point.
They are saying no points.
What?!
That's, tough, that is. I would
have given you half a point, Marv.
If that bit weren't
there, I'd be all right.
Dog's kennel. Let's see if you
can get in a dog's kennel.
Have you ever been in the
doghouse before? Oh, yeah!
Always.
Go in backwards. I think
forwards, Brooke.
No, I promise you. Is
that what you always say?
I'll go in backwards later
on, don't you worry.
There's no back door, babe.
- He'll get in there, won't he?
- Yeah!
He means business now. He
is taking his jacket off.
You are doing it wrong.
She's done it before?
You can come out now.
No, stay in there!
Marvin, I have to tell you, if you
don't get in one, you lose a point.
What? What?
No, let's have another go
at the suitcase real quick.
Really? No, the fridge.
Go on. Get your neck
in half a yard.
Wind your neck in.
Can I just check...?
Yes!
If you don't want
him, I'll have him!
Oh, my God. Fucking...
He's heavy.
He's banging, he's banging!
Fucking boom!
You were in the jungle, weren't you?
Yeah, it was hard.
He didn't win it. He went out.
I came stone cold last.
I felt like a champion,
though, Keith.
You looked like a champion when
you did a bit of photo bombing.
I got my winkle out.
Look at this.
Look all the girls: 'Did you?'
I mean, he clung on for dear life.
He was amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Jimmy is just popping up
behind you, Michaela.
You are joking.
What a lovely day, everyone.
I'm sorry!
I loved that.
Jimmy, have you ever gone on a
cruise with a bunch of celebrities
and gone into a Bermuda
Triangle vortex type thing?
No, but I love this part of the show.