Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 13, Episode 8 - Massive Election Special - full transcript

Hi, I am Keith Lemon, and these
are my titles. Plush or what?

There is Holly Willoughbooby
coming out of a giant clam.

Still got dem bangers, mind!

There is Fearne Cotton with
a bow and arrow. Careful!

That nearly went inside me! There
is Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.

We are all in heaven, but
don't worry, we're not dead.

It's an over-elaborate metaphor
for how great this show is.

We are still here to make the
best telly show on telly.

What is that telly show on telly?
Celebrity Juice, on telly, HD ready.

Good evening. My
name is Keith Lemon.

Welcome to a special Celebrity
Juice Election Special.



We are not having teams tonight,
because it is an election special.

We have candidates.

Each person on the panel will be
playing for themselves, not with

themselves, in a hope to become
Celebrity Juice Prime Minister.

That is what it's all about.
Let's meet our candidates.

First up, it is Fearne Cotton.

Hello, Fearne Cotton.

You look like a really dodgy
salesman at the moment.

You look like you are
about to go to court.

You look like the queen
of the lesbians.

You look like a really
posh prostitute.

So, Fearne Cotton, who
is not on your team

but who is sat next to you?

Well, the candidate to my left...
What you saying? He is ream.



It's Joey Essex! Brap. Brap.

The candidate to my right, with
lovely hair, it is Ella Eyre!

Let's meet our other...

Not team captain, but the other
person that's sat opposite,

adjacent to Fearne Cotton,
it's Holly Willoughby.

Holly, who is not on your team
but who is sat next to you?

Well, the candidate to my right...
Wahey, man!