Celebrity Juice (2008–…): Season 13, Episode 2 - Episode #13.2 - full transcript
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon. And
these are my titles.
Plush or what?
There is Holly Willoughbooby
coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers!
There's Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful, that nearly went inside me.
And there is Gino D'Acampo
with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but
don't worry, we are not dead.
It's just an over-elaborate
metaphor for how great the show is.
We are still here to make the
best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
Celebrity Juice. On telly. HD ready.
Hello. Hi there. Hoorah!
Hi. I'm Keith Lemon. Welcome
to Celebrity Juice.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it is Holly
Willough-boozy.
Holly, tell us, who
is on your team?
On my left, I have the very
beautiful Ashley Roberts.
And it's happened again.
On my right, um...
I appear to have nobody.
Is this a weekly occurrence, you are
just not going to have anybody?
I think it is. Although this
week, I was definitely suppos
I was supposed to have Johnny Vegas.
But he is not here.
He is actually running late.
But we do have footage of him on the way.
Here is the footage.
That is genuine footage of
Johnny Vegas on the way here.
Let's meet our other team captain.
It's Fearne Cotton.
How's it going, lady with baby?
Yeah, all good, thank you.
What's going on with
everything today?
Well, I thought I'd make an effort. I
thought you might say something nice.
I'm not wearing anything stupid.
I haven't given you any
grief yet, have you?
No, but I'm waiting for
it, and it will come.
You look like a fucking stupid hippie.
What the fuck are you wearing?
There it is!
Who is on your team?
You lesbian.
Oh, shut up, you. You
creepy Liberace slime bag.
On my left, he is the
capitan, it's Gino!
Gino! Gino!
Thank you.
And on my right...
♪ If you're Dappy and you
know it, clap your hands...
It's Dappy!
Gino, what are you doing there?
What do you mean,
what am I doing here?
Last week, you were
on Holly's team.
I have changed team.
I didn't like that.
Nobody has given a
message to the baby yet.
Like a welcome to
Celebrity Juice.
And I wanted to be the one to do that.
That's very kind of
Can I? How does this work?
What are you doing?
Fearne, you haven't got any
Nutella down there, have you?
Because he's easily tricked!
Welcome to the show. Welcome
to Celebrity Juice.
Just talking into my vagina.
The baby's saying, "What
the fuck's he said?
All I heard was fucking
debedeedebedee..."
I don't talk like that.
Debedeedebedee...
Everybody...
Everybody debedee...
Hey, brap, brap, it's
Dappy in the his-oose.
Dappy, what shit is going down
on the streets, you got me?!
Keith, quick question,
why do you always have to
act like such a lemon?
Ooh, that were poor.
Last time you were on the
show, you were in N-Dubz.
Fazer was still called Fazer.
And Tulisa still had her
own teeth, didn't she?
You've got a new song out.
Dappy. Beautiful Me.
First of all, let's
talk about the cover.
I think you should
have tried harder.
What's the message?
Basically, it's just what I've been
through in the last two years.
My ups and my downs. Explaining
that everyone is human,
we all go through ups and downs.
When you sort of do this, you can
see yourself in it, can't you?
You've got a new tattoo.
A hashtag.
Let's have a look. There.
That must have hurt!
Tell us about the hashtag.
I just wanted to keep my face trending for
ever, really...
these are my titles.
Plush or what?
There is Holly Willoughbooby
coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers!
There's Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful, that nearly went inside me.
And there is Gino D'Acampo
with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but
don't worry, we are not dead.
It's just an over-elaborate
metaphor for how great the show is.
We are still here to make the
best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly?
Celebrity Juice. On telly. HD ready.
Hello. Hi there. Hoorah!
Hi. I'm Keith Lemon. Welcome
to Celebrity Juice.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it is Holly
Willough-boozy.
Holly, tell us, who
is on your team?
On my left, I have the very
beautiful Ashley Roberts.
And it's happened again.
On my right, um...
I appear to have nobody.
Is this a weekly occurrence, you are
just not going to have anybody?
I think it is. Although this
week, I was definitely suppos
I was supposed to have Johnny Vegas.
But he is not here.
He is actually running late.
But we do have footage of him on the way.
Here is the footage.
That is genuine footage of
Johnny Vegas on the way here.
Let's meet our other team captain.
It's Fearne Cotton.
How's it going, lady with baby?
Yeah, all good, thank you.
What's going on with
everything today?
Well, I thought I'd make an effort. I
thought you might say something nice.
I'm not wearing anything stupid.
I haven't given you any
grief yet, have you?
No, but I'm waiting for
it, and it will come.
You look like a fucking stupid hippie.
What the fuck are you wearing?
There it is!
Who is on your team?
You lesbian.
Oh, shut up, you. You
creepy Liberace slime bag.
On my left, he is the
capitan, it's Gino!
Gino! Gino!
Thank you.
And on my right...
♪ If you're Dappy and you
know it, clap your hands...
It's Dappy!
Gino, what are you doing there?
What do you mean,
what am I doing here?
Last week, you were
on Holly's team.
I have changed team.
I didn't like that.
Nobody has given a
message to the baby yet.
Like a welcome to
Celebrity Juice.
And I wanted to be the one to do that.
That's very kind of
Can I? How does this work?
What are you doing?
Fearne, you haven't got any
Nutella down there, have you?
Because he's easily tricked!
Welcome to the show. Welcome
to Celebrity Juice.
Just talking into my vagina.
The baby's saying, "What
the fuck's he said?
All I heard was fucking
debedeedebedee..."
I don't talk like that.
Debedeedebedee...
Everybody...
Everybody debedee...
Hey, brap, brap, it's
Dappy in the his-oose.
Dappy, what shit is going down
on the streets, you got me?!
Keith, quick question,
why do you always have to
act like such a lemon?
Ooh, that were poor.
Last time you were on the
show, you were in N-Dubz.
Fazer was still called Fazer.
And Tulisa still had her
own teeth, didn't she?
You've got a new song out.
Dappy. Beautiful Me.
First of all, let's
talk about the cover.
I think you should
have tried harder.
What's the message?
Basically, it's just what I've been
through in the last two years.
My ups and my downs. Explaining
that everyone is human,
we all go through ups and downs.
When you sort of do this, you can
see yourself in it, can't you?
You've got a new tattoo.
A hashtag.
Let's have a look. There.
That must have hurt!
Tell us about the hashtag.
I just wanted to keep my face trending for
ever, really...