Celebrity Ex on the Beach (2014–2020): Season 5, Episode 2 - Episode #5.2 - full transcript
(cheering)
'Ex on the Beach is back.'
(cheering)
'This time, it's all-stars.
Old faces return
for another shot at finding love.'
Am I looking for love?
Fucking yeah!
'They'll have to endure
their exes.'
Never, ever felt like this
in my life.
'Some will have to deal
with old grudges.'
This is Kayleigh.Didn't you get
finger-blasted by him?
You've had more dicks
than I've had sunbeds.
'Hard as they try to find
their perfect match...'
Right, who wants to finger me?
'...standing in their way
once again
will be the Tablet of Terror.'
(gasping)
'This time it's playing dirty.'
Does that tablet want
to get smashed up?
I won't lie, I'm cacking myself.
Big-time!
'It's going to be hotter
than ever before.'
I'm gonna ride her tonight.
Giddyup!
'As emotions boil over...'
You made me realise
there was more to life.
'...tensions run high...'
Dare ya! Fucking dare ya!
Let's fucking go, kid!
'...and the claws come out...'
(shouting)
They're all two-faced bastards!
'...two exes have
already arrived.'
THE most toxic person
I have ever met.
I did not think that I was
gonna feel like this.
I'm going in as a new Liam,
bigger, better...
Sorry about that.
The new Liam is definitely working.
Olivia's getting banged tonight.
He has fucked it now.
Oh, shit!
She is the most toxic person
I have ever met.
I think you look like
a used condom!
It's your first night
and you're starting shit.
Are you a dickhead?
I fancy you.
OK.
I like that Chloe.
She's playing really hard to get.
Erm... great chat.
Bear, fuck off.
I'm not interested.
(moaning)
My ex Hawley lasts three seconds.
Gaz made me come eight times.
That escalated quickly.
"Can Olivia, Jemma, Kayleigh go
down to the beach immediately."
Fuck! The worst person
that could come out that sea
is Hawley.
'Bad luck, Jemma,
because here he comes.'
What's happening, Jemma?
Hawley is, was the love of
my life.
My name is Hawley. I'm 25 from
Newcastle and I'm a joiner.
My best feature,
my penguin tattoos on my ankles.
I love penguins, black and white.
It's like Newcastle colours.
All-reet, kid?
Just the way they walk, strut.
Cool animals, aren't they?
My ex is Jemma.
We were with each other
for ten months.
We first met in Ibiza.
Had an amazing time.
Got back to England
and it all fell apart.
She put a lot of shit on social
media, my personal details.
I've definitely got unfinished
business with Jemma.
Because I used to love that bird.
I want to know why
she would put so much effort
into ruining someone's life.
That's just evil. It is
definitely going to kick off.
Shit will hit the fan.
I just came to prove
that you're a snake.
What's your point
for being here?
Why did you try to mug us off
in front of the world?
I'm not having it.
I know Hawley cheated on me.
He shagged Gaz's ex.
I want some fucking answers.
So publically you didn't
humiliate me?Not at all.
Don't make me fucking slap you.
Fuck off.
Fuck off? I was here.
Go back that way.
Seriously, go back that way.
Don't tell her to fuck off.
I'm lost for words.
That boy's a prick.(sobbing)
I'm not even speaking to him.
Don't let him make you like this.
He's a piece of shit.
He's irrelevant.
It was like a bomb
had gone off.
She loves you. And she hates you
at the same time.
I knew seeing Jemma
was gonna be hard,
I didn't know it would
bring emotions back
I thought were gone.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
"Welcome to the beach, Hawley."
"It's date time for you
and Kayleigh."
Seriously,
I can't deal with it.
"A romantic meal for two."
Happy times, eh?
I am feeling very pleased
that Jemma's upset.
I can't stand the fucking bitch.
Let's go.Good luck.
She's gonna take any opportunity
to fuck me off.
I'm absolutely gutted.
Kayleigh's the only girl
who literally gives no fucks
for girls.
She's probably sucked
his dick already.
(sobbing)
She's a whore.
But I don't know what's gonna
go on at the villa tonight.
'With love in tatters on
the beach, the Tablet of Terror
is hoping to make love blossom
between Bear and Chloe.'
Chloe, she's a nice girl,
but she's boring.
If she's a boring fart on this date,
I'm gonna sack her off
in the old sin bin.
Oh, surfing.
I'm buzzing it's paddle boarding,
because I get some space,
finally!
Hold it, hold it.
Bear is the most annoying person
I have ever met in my life.
Grow the fuck up.
Are you ready?
Let's get ready to rumble.
Get it over with.
I jumped on the board thinking,
"Let's have some fun."
Oh, shit!
Agh!
Whoooa! Fuck!
No, I've got ya!
We're in the water
having a good time,
but it's like she's trying not to.
For fuck's sake!
It's not bumper cars.
Dickhead. What a bell-end.
Be careful.
Always so moody.
Babe, chill out.
Oh!
There's no future
with me and Bear.
I've got more interest
in my big toe.
I wanted to find out if Chloe
was boring.
And no surprise, she was.
'You might be bored now, Bear,
but you're gonna wish you were
far out at sea
when the next ex washes up
in T-18 hours.'
Hiya!
(cheering)
We're back!
He's alive!
I know! I didn't kill him.
Did you get a kiss?
No surprise, Bear and Chloe's
date was fucking shit.
He doesn't like it.
Chloe, basically,
is up her own arse.
She's not willing
to get involved.
She might as well fuck off.
And he called Kayleigh a dog
in the car.
In jest.
I just said she's a dog.
What is Chloe's problem?
Why do you keep singling me out?
I have not done nothing to you.
Apart from say you're good looking.
Sorry for giving you
a compliment, babe.
'Night falls, Jordan and Liam
have serious issues to discuss.'
Conversations we should be
having is,
"Who are you fancying?"
"Who are you gonna
make a move on?"
Instead, they're all negative.
That's what it always is.
Fucking groaning.
Calm down, chill out
and starting suck dick.
Don't they?They need to fucking
do some fucking gobbling.
Hopefully, some fresh meat's
coming in fucking soon.
Slags will start coming in.
Course they will, mate.
They're gonna start fucking
flying through. Bring it on.
We both just wanna get
a fucking shag,
and it will all come
in good time.
What time we at now?
Twenty-to-nine.
Plenty of time yet.
Early doors.
'Ah, Liam, if only pulling girls
was as easy as telling the time,
you'd be well in there.'
Her ex-boyfriend is a prick.
Date with Kayleigh.
Jemma has walked in
from the beach
and she's been in tears.
What has happened?
Are you all right?
No, it was horrible.
How bad was it?
He walked straight out like,
"You fucked me over!"
I was like,
"Have you forgotten
what you've done?"
She was literally broke,
crying her eyes out.
He didn't give a fuck at all.
To come out of the water
and be so spiteful
when he cheated on her,
he seems like a bastard.
He said that I mugged him off
because I put his address
on social media.
Because he fucked me over.
Did you put his address on?
The road name.
(sniggering)
Do you still fancy him?
I still have feelings there.
There was no closure.
Does he know that you've
banged Gaz in here? Not yet.
I've known Hawley a long time.
We have the same circle
of friends.
He got with my ex,
so why can't I get with his?
Kayleigh will tell him.
Will he kick off?
I hope it would take one
conversation and be done.
Gaz seems a bit nervous.
I clocked it.
He's shitting his pants!
At the end of the day,
it's going to go fucking off.
This is a happy time.
I wonder if I should tell Hawley
that Gaz made Jemma come
six or seven times.
Who else is in there now?
Bear.
Oh, I know Bear.
Jordan, Gaz..
Are you friends with Gaz?
I've known Gaz since I was what?
15 years old.Really?
I have a duty to tell Hawley
what Jemma's been up to,
because she was a twat to me
last night.
So, the first night,
Jemma and him fucked.
What, here?
Yeah.
What's your fucking crack,
you prick?
Have they actually?
Yeah.
(chuckles)
Fucking hell.
Does he fucking think
he can get away with that?
That's actually blew me.
I can tell.
I can't wait to see them now,
like.(chuckles)
I cannae believe Jemma
had a go at me
knowing that she's fucked
my best mate.
I don't think is gonna
go down very fucking well.
'Before Hawley arrives,
time for a game of Guess Who.'
Have I had they penis
in their mouth?Yes.
Is it Bear?
(laughs)
Is it Jordan's mum?
Ohhhhh!
(cheering)
Oi-oi.
What's happening?
How is everybody?
Hawley walks in
and it's tense straight away.
How youse doing, youse all right?
I did not think I would feel
like this.
How do you know Jemma?
She's your ex?
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit?
Don't rise to it.
The love of my life is here.
Can you come with us?
Yeah.Jemma!
I'm guessing that Kayleigh has
told Hawley about me and Jemma.
The quicker we get this chat over,
the quicker we can move on.
Or this is gonna get nasty fast.
Ssshhh.
You've got these boys' codes
that you bang on about...
I haven't got boys' codes.
Exactly. You should have morals.
How long you fucking known me?
Fucking a very long time.
How long?
Have I ever fucked you over?
Hawley is literally being
a fucking hypocrite.
Hawley, you banged my ex,
I banged yours.
Pot, kettle, black.
You done it with all
them as well, though.
"Don't get with them,"
and then you bang them.
I'm getting fucking annoyed now.
This is her.
He's full of shit.
You fucked me off, Hawley!
You fucking broke my heart!
You fucking ruined me.
I wanted to come here
and build bridges with you.
Then youse two
have fucked each other.
I feel totally mugged off.
Fuck off. I fucked Gaz once.
You've fucking shagged
all of Newcastle!
Jemma, will you just fuck off
out of me face?No!
Chill out!
(sobbing) Fuck off!
Seriously, I can't fucking
handle this.
Jem, babe, you fucked Gaz.
(shrieking)So pipe down.
Jemma! Jemma!
Jemma! Jemma, stop!
Stop!
(sobbing, shrieking)
That boy has absolutely
broken me.
He's a liar!
He's a fucking liar!
Gaz is fucking bang out
of order, like.
What the fuck? Are you for real?
Fucking banged her.
Everyone bangs birds, man.
Everyone's banged every
fucking bird in Newcastle.
I've got morals.
You've known me ten fucking years.
I should be fucking kicking off
at you.
Am I? No. I was prepared to go,
"Hawley, sit down."
I've been calm. Do not get me
fucking started.
From this minute on,
do not say a word to us
or I'll make your life
a living hell. Game on.
Let's fucking go, kid.
'If you think things are bad now,
they're gonna get a lot worse.'
'Next ex, T-minus 12 hours.'
'Now the villa's settled down,
Bear cracks on with Kayleigh.'
'Dog comment forgotten,
desperate times and all that.'
What happened the other night?
Jordan?
Yeah. We were on a date.
Why get with Jordan?
I didn't get with Jordan.
Why did you stay in his bed?
He's a friend.
Jordan has got no chance.
So, who do you fancy?
I KNOW I'm gonna
get lucky tonight!
Look at Kayleigh up there.
I'm having a few drinks
with my girls.
I see Bear chatting to Kayleigh.
He called her a dog.
Is he having
a fucking laugh here?
You all right?
What are you two talking about?
He's pissed off cos
I got in Jordan's bed.
You called her a dog.
Oops. Sorry, Bear.
Did ya?!
He called you a dog.Fuck's sake!
"I don't even like her,
she's a fucking dog."
You're a wanker. Get away from me.
I'm fuming.
How are you gonna fucking
sit there and do all that
when you called her
a fucking dog?
You silly little prick.
Really? Chloe, really?
Chloe said I'd called
Kayleigh a dog.
I did...
...but it was behind her back.
Fucked yourself there,
didn't you?
Wanker!
Kayleigh's not literally a dog.
It's a passing comment.
She's not my type.
I should have said that.
I could've got in her knickers.
He's fucked it now.
He thinks he's so fucking smart.
I'll fucking have him.
You just bent Bear over and
fucked him right in the arse.
Well done, Bear,
you fucking prick.
He's fucked it with you and you.
Quite literally.
Silly prick. I'll have your life.
(laughs)
I don't like Chloe,
cos she's a cock-block.
I've fucking had enough.
'(sighs) All the drama hasn't
helped the boys' pulling mission.'
We're going to stay
with each other.
I hope it's another girl
coming tomorrow,
because if it's another lad
we feel sorry for him.
These girls won't shake our hands,
let alone suck our dicks.
'And they're not the only ones
having a terrible time.'
He cares so much. We did not
think he was gonna even react.
Devastated, I am.
You fucked Gaz, so...
He still loves you.
I love him. I can't help it.
What are you supposed to do
in that situation?
So...
Having a good time, then?
Kayleigh's fuming.
I got called a dog yesterday,
so I am fuming.
It's a passing comment.
So you're a cunt.
That's a passing comment.
Last night, I was winning
Kayleigh round.
Then Chloe come over
and fucked it all up.
At the beginning, it was
love-hate with me and Chloe.
But now it seems she's just
a really nasty person.
I woke up this morning,
I just feel completely drained.
I can't play these games any more.
It's too much, tit-for-tat.
(sobbing)
I still very much
am in love with Hawley,
and I do want to sort things out.
I don't know if
too much shit's happened.
I woke up and I feel like shit.
I don't know where my head is.
I feel hurt.
I've got mixed emotions
against Jemma.
What I found out was hard,
but I've got a history with her.
And it's just a total head-fuck.
Last night it was kicking off.
I do not need it.
Me and Hawley used to be friends.
I think it can get sorted.
For now,
sort your shit out with Jemma.
'Gaz is in a forgiving mood.'
'Maybe Bear and Chloe
can make up.'
It was a passing comment.
You told her you wanted her
to be your girlfriend.
And that she was pretty.
And that you missed me.
We were on a date.
All the girls are very weird
with me for no reason.
And Chloe's the instigator.
She needs to fuck off.
Then I can get laid.
You literally chat utter bollocks.
That's the way I chat people up.
You're just gutted because
I outed the shit out of you.
Outed with what?
I'm the only girl
who can take Bear on.
Hide in your room.
So full of yourself.
Shut up!
Do a bit of knitting.
You're really boring.Shut up.
(alarm, groaning)
"Morning, everyone.
You've got down and dirty."
"Now it's time
for Jemma and Hawley
to wash their troubles away."
That'll be fun.
Better take a scrubbing brush.
Get rid of those troubles.
I don't know if I can sort
things out. I'm gonna try.
Things are gonna get brought up from
the past. It's gonna be difficult.
Have fun.
See you soon.
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
'The Tablet of Terror might be
getting their knickers in a twist,
but who's going to poo their pants
when the next ex gets
dumped on the beach?'
Me and Jemma came to carve
some flowers out of soap.
We need to have a chat.
'Soap carving,
textbook way to solve issues.'
I put my point straight across.
Yeah, you did, but that
absolutely just killed me.
I've never done anything to you
out of spite.
We've always tried to get
one over on each other.
It's gotta stop.
What do you miss?
I think we just get on
really well.
You're the only proper girlfriend
I've had.
I'm always gonna have
feelings towards Jemma.
What we had was serious,
which is making it hard.
I don't know what is
going to happen.
I didn't think coming on here
would bring back feelings
I thought were gone.
Everything's going so well,
we're getting on.
You were part of my life.
I still have feelings.
I do still love him and I do
still care about him so much.
I've not met anyone that... I get on
with like I do you when it's good.
But I do have one secret
that I've gotta tell him.
I did get with Hawley's
best friend Scott.
Hawley is gonna go absolutely
mental when he finds out.
'While Hawley's in for
another hellish surprise,
it's about to get nasty
for Jess, Jordan or Gaz
on the beach of doom.
I feel like I'm gonna have a poo.
Jess is bricking it.
Last time, Kayleigh came out
and went straight in for her.
The last two exes have really
fucked everything up.
I'm shitting myself.
Doesn't matter if it's your ex,
they can still fuck shit up.
Every single person you've ever
been with runs through your head.
I've got an army of
angry women behind me.
One of them I even got fucking
engaged to. I am fucked.
If it is Megan, obviously,
I'll be angry, emotional.
She is gonna shout and scream...
Think she'll fight you?
She probably will wanna hit me.
If it's someone I've just banged,
I hope I'll remember them.
It's you, Gaz!
Charlotte! Yes!
Thank you, Tablet of Terror.
Good one!
Yes!
Out of all the people
that I've shagged,
I get on with Charlotte
probablies the best.
Oh! I was shitting myself.
Thank fuck
it's not Megan McKenna!
Bring it fucking on!
Single and up for fun?
Single and ready to mingle.
I'm Charlotte Dawson, I'm 23,
I'm from Blackpool
and I'm Les Dawson's daughter.
Knickers, knackers, knockers!
(giggles)
I think a lot of people
think I'm this stuck-up girl,
but I'm the biggest
party girl ever.
I just don't give
an absolute shit.
I went on a night out
in Manchester
and ended up in Rome.
Who the hell does that?
Me and Gaz met each other
a few years ago now.
We got on like a house on fire.
He's like the same person as me.
Loves a party, a laugh,
but accidentally ended up in bed.
Right, Dad,
I'm off to that beach,
so keep those chuffin' eyes shut,
I'm telling ya.
You glad to be here?Yeah.
Glad to see Gaz?Yeah.
Charlotte? I remember those tits.
How do you know each other?
We met a few years ago.
We had a little thing,
slept together.
Yeah. Always ended up on him.
I can tell she's giving me
the eye.
Get me on that date
so I can get straight in.
'Let's see if you're in luck.'
What you got?
"Hello.
Welcome to the beach, Charlotte."
"It's date time for you
and Jordan..." About time!
"...who's going to take you
hunting for cockles."
What the fuck even is a cockle?
Come on, then, Charlotte.
Let's go.
Have fun, bro.
Gaz, I'm gonna put the poetry in
motion and fuck her in the ocean.
'While Charlotte's putting
a smile on Jordan's face,
Jemma's dreading coming clean
to Hawley.'
You have done a lot of things
to hurt me, to spite me.
And unfortunately,
I did something as well.
I am absolutely dreading
telling him what I've done.
I'm only telling you because I'm
hoping that you can deal with it.
Howay, then, what is it?
It's pretty bad.
I'm fucking shaking right now.
I did get with Scott.
Really?
I did.
Fucking hell, man.
I feel... pretty shit.
If I could change it, I would.
Fuck me.
It makes us feel like...
It makes you feel hurt.
I feel, like, betrayed.
Where do I move on from here now?
What do I do?
I feel like trying to leave
the past behind and draw a line,
and that has to be under
that line.Fuck!
I really felt me and Hawley
were getting on a path
to fixing things.
But this might have
fucked it now.
They're gonna be back soon.
Who do you reckon it is?
We're all shitting ourselves
thinking this one's even worse.
Oh, Jess is back.
What? What?
Who?Who is it?
Charlotte Dawson.
(cheering) I know Charlotte.
For once it is a good ex.
I'm so excited for tonight.
(Liam) Looks like there's some fresh
meat. It's about time as well.
Hopefully this girl gets
her tits out and has a laugh.
Is she fit?
Yeah, she's fit.
Good. Whoo!
Finally, I'm on a date.
Oh, my chuffing God, I've got one.
(sniffs)
Smells like...
What?
Smells like me. No, I'm joking.
She's got a great arse,
a great smile.
She's thick as fuck. I can't
wait to see her sucking my dick.
'You've got nowhere so far,
champ.'
All of the birds have been
trying to get me.
I'm gonna take my time
and wait for the right person.
I think this is the right time.
You're fucking fit.
Jordan's flirting chuffin' hard.
What's your type of boy?
Someone that can make me laugh.
Is it Welsh?
(laughs)
You're a very good-looking girl.
Shall we have a little kiss?
Not yet.I'm willing to put
the ground work in.
I'll have Jordan thinking
I'm having his salty cockle.
But I'm going to see what
other seafood's on the menu.
Let's go back.
Let's get cockled up.
Get back to the villa,
get her pissed,
chat some shit
and worm my way in.
Wow! Why-aye!
The gruesome twosome.
Hawley and Jemma walk in,
they haven't killed each other,
but they look like
someone's died.
How are you getting on?
We cleared a few things up.
But I found some stuff out.
What?
About Scott.
Scotty T?
He's my best pal.
Fucking hell.
Last night, Jemma lost the plot.
She threw tantrums,
she had tears.
"How could you do this to me?"
Not only has she fucked Gaz.
She's also fucked Scotty T.
What the fuck?
Have you been crying?
I had a little cry.
It was really sad.
We were getting on well and
admitted we still had feelings
and we want to see what happened.
It was like, "By the way,
I shagged Scott."
I went, "What the fuck?!"
I was getting in the bad books
with Hawley,
but after what Scotty T's done,
it's irrelevant.
Thanks, Scotty T. You just
made my life a lot easier.
I love him so much still,
and I don't know what to do.
There's so much history. I don't
know if it will ever be fixed.
Maybe this is the time,
with things out in the open,
it's a chance to wipe
and build bridges.
You've both done things,
now's a chance to reconnect.
That's what it boils down to.
What's your plan now, like?
I was going to try to build
a bridge with Jemma.
But after finding that out about
Scotty, that's not gonna happen.
Jemma's fucked Gaz,
She's fucked Scotty T.
End of the day,
I'm the one being fucked.
I'm gonna make it my mission
to fuck Jemma over.
(cheering)
She is well fit!
Get up there, my son!
Did you touch Jordan's cockle?
I didn't, actually.
I played it quite safe.
Jordan is having a fucking shocker.
Charlotte, you're Gaz's ex?
Yeah.Have you come to
get him back, to shag him,
to have a good time?
I'll see what happens.
Tonight I'm feeling
a bit of romance.
I might end up back in bed
with Gaz.
We're having a Hawaiian party.
Let's get ready, get pissed
and actually have
a fucking good night.
(cheering)
'Not everybody's in the mood
for floral shirts and hula.'
I just can't be myself.
I know.
I've probably had the most
difficult day of my life.
I've had to tell somebody I love
something that they hate.
I'm just scared of what
could happen.
I might have fucked it.
I did wanna sort things.
I don't know if we can now.
'Oh, cheer up, Jemma!
It might get better.'
'Oh, no, it won't.'
'There's another ex
coming in T-minus ten hours.
This is to Charlotte's first night.
(cheering)
I just wanna to get absolutely
sshhhteaming!
One, two, three!
Tonight could not be going better.
(shrieking, laughter)
Bear, who do you find
more annoying?
Chloe...
(sniggering)
...or... Jess.
Chloe. Whoo!
Babe, I'm always the winner
in his eyes.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
'This is all a bit friendly.'
'Surely it can't last?'
Hawley, would you rather...
spoon Jemma or spoon Chloe?
Well, that's easy.
Shit's gonna kick off.
Think wisely.
I just found out Jemma
banged my best mate. Revenge.
(Jordan)
Let him answer, let him answer.
It'd have to be Chloe, like.
(gasping)
I should not have said that.
Why am I so stupid?
Wow! Wow! Wow!
What a melon-head!
You're in for it now.
This is when the fun
fucking begins, then.
It's a game, innit?
Do it, then, get your kit off.
Are you fucking winding me up?
He lasts three seconds anyway.
Oh!
Oh.
You didn't make me come once.
He made me come eight times.
Shit. This is getting awkward.
The prick that is Hawley,
he's trying to get revenge.
I'm raging.
What am I supposed to do?
His shower gel is shit.
(laughter)
(alarm)
Guys!
Tablet's gone off!
Fuck! It's already kicked off.
What more could go wrong?
Sorry, the Tablet of Terror
goes off.
"Hello, all-stars. I hope
you are enjoying your evening."
"Bear, time to send someone home.
It's your choice."
I feel powerful.
I've been summoned.
Oh, my God.
It's MY time!
To shine.
Fucking hell. Could be me.
My arse is twitching
like a rabbit's nose.
I think I'm out this back door
again.
Playing it cool for a minute.
Chloe, you gotta go, babe.
You're boring.
Are you joking?
You've ruined everyone's time here.
Bear, shut up. What, cos you
can't get in my fanny?
My night's gone from amazing
to fucking shit.
Put your makeup on and hide
in the shades. Laters.
No-one likes her.
Bear, I agree with you.
Chloe, you're boring.
Babe, don't cry. Don't cry.
The only reason Bear sent
Chloe home is cos's got shit chat
and she won't fall for his
rubbish chat!
I enjoyed that so much.
It's nice to be nice, right?
It's been nice to meet, at least.
What?
Are you talking about me?
As per usual. Why am I always
the first name on your tongue?
There's a reason you've
had a punch, OK?
Have you had a good time?
I've had the best time.
You're such a fucking wanker.
You want one of my shirts
to pack?Trust me.Shitter!
I'd rather jump off a cliff than
spend another second with him.
'You're not the only one.'
Why did you send
my best friend home?
She's not your best friend,
Bear! You know!
I am fucking livid.
Don't fucking push me.
Don't push me again!
Don't kick off at me.
Ah, fuck off, Jess!
This is a fucking joke.
Who, Jess?
I can't believe he's said that.
The way she's behaving?
I'm looking out for her.
Don't you come near me.
Oh, my God!
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe!
What is going on, man?
Dare ya! I fucking dare ya!
What the fuck are you doing?
(shouting) I dare ya!
Basically, I send someone home,
and Jordan's getting beaten up.
Unlucky. Jords? Jords?
Jords?
For some reason now,
all the girls have turned on me.
It ain't fucking right.
'Jordan might feel hard-done-by.
Chloe's going...'
(sobbing)
'...and Jess is gutted.'
This place is full of desperate,
pathetic little boys.
I'm gutted to be leaving Jess
behind and that's it.
Now I don't even want
to be here any more.
Bye, babes.
Chloe, babe, put your hat on,
get your cloak,
get your broomstick...
and fuck off!
I like that Chloe.
I think she's pretty sassy.
(cheering) I'm here to have fun,
do what I want
and teach the girls to stop
getting their hearts broken.
I'm so happy that
I'm here with Chloe,
because she's gonna have my back.
Who, Jess?
You're such a fucking wanker.
Chloe could be in the box.
The Box of Bear.
Bear is the most annoying person
I've ever met.
I fancy ya.
Think I believe this shit?
What is Chloe's problem?
Fuck off!
Fuck off. I'm not interested.
Leave me alone.
You silly little prick.
Chloe, babe, laters!
Even though World War Three's
kicking off,
I still think I'm gonna get
Charlotte in bed.
Someone's gotta make her
feel welcome.
Come and have a drink.
Gaz takes me to the penthouse.
But on the way,
we just bumped into Liv.
I mean, I wouldn't say never
to a threesome with them both.
Never say never, innit?
Ah, OK, then.
Ah, OK, then.
.
Ah, OK, then.
'Ex on the Beach is back.'
(cheering)
'This time, it's all-stars.
Old faces return
for another shot at finding love.'
Am I looking for love?
Fucking yeah!
'They'll have to endure
their exes.'
Never, ever felt like this
in my life.
'Some will have to deal
with old grudges.'
This is Kayleigh.Didn't you get
finger-blasted by him?
You've had more dicks
than I've had sunbeds.
'Hard as they try to find
their perfect match...'
Right, who wants to finger me?
'...standing in their way
once again
will be the Tablet of Terror.'
(gasping)
'This time it's playing dirty.'
Does that tablet want
to get smashed up?
I won't lie, I'm cacking myself.
Big-time!
'It's going to be hotter
than ever before.'
I'm gonna ride her tonight.
Giddyup!
'As emotions boil over...'
You made me realise
there was more to life.
'...tensions run high...'
Dare ya! Fucking dare ya!
Let's fucking go, kid!
'...and the claws come out...'
(shouting)
They're all two-faced bastards!
'...two exes have
already arrived.'
THE most toxic person
I have ever met.
I did not think that I was
gonna feel like this.
I'm going in as a new Liam,
bigger, better...
Sorry about that.
The new Liam is definitely working.
Olivia's getting banged tonight.
He has fucked it now.
Oh, shit!
She is the most toxic person
I have ever met.
I think you look like
a used condom!
It's your first night
and you're starting shit.
Are you a dickhead?
I fancy you.
OK.
I like that Chloe.
She's playing really hard to get.
Erm... great chat.
Bear, fuck off.
I'm not interested.
(moaning)
My ex Hawley lasts three seconds.
Gaz made me come eight times.
That escalated quickly.
"Can Olivia, Jemma, Kayleigh go
down to the beach immediately."
Fuck! The worst person
that could come out that sea
is Hawley.
'Bad luck, Jemma,
because here he comes.'
What's happening, Jemma?
Hawley is, was the love of
my life.
My name is Hawley. I'm 25 from
Newcastle and I'm a joiner.
My best feature,
my penguin tattoos on my ankles.
I love penguins, black and white.
It's like Newcastle colours.
All-reet, kid?
Just the way they walk, strut.
Cool animals, aren't they?
My ex is Jemma.
We were with each other
for ten months.
We first met in Ibiza.
Had an amazing time.
Got back to England
and it all fell apart.
She put a lot of shit on social
media, my personal details.
I've definitely got unfinished
business with Jemma.
Because I used to love that bird.
I want to know why
she would put so much effort
into ruining someone's life.
That's just evil. It is
definitely going to kick off.
Shit will hit the fan.
I just came to prove
that you're a snake.
What's your point
for being here?
Why did you try to mug us off
in front of the world?
I'm not having it.
I know Hawley cheated on me.
He shagged Gaz's ex.
I want some fucking answers.
So publically you didn't
humiliate me?Not at all.
Don't make me fucking slap you.
Fuck off.
Fuck off? I was here.
Go back that way.
Seriously, go back that way.
Don't tell her to fuck off.
I'm lost for words.
That boy's a prick.(sobbing)
I'm not even speaking to him.
Don't let him make you like this.
He's a piece of shit.
He's irrelevant.
It was like a bomb
had gone off.
She loves you. And she hates you
at the same time.
I knew seeing Jemma
was gonna be hard,
I didn't know it would
bring emotions back
I thought were gone.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
"Welcome to the beach, Hawley."
"It's date time for you
and Kayleigh."
Seriously,
I can't deal with it.
"A romantic meal for two."
Happy times, eh?
I am feeling very pleased
that Jemma's upset.
I can't stand the fucking bitch.
Let's go.Good luck.
She's gonna take any opportunity
to fuck me off.
I'm absolutely gutted.
Kayleigh's the only girl
who literally gives no fucks
for girls.
She's probably sucked
his dick already.
(sobbing)
She's a whore.
But I don't know what's gonna
go on at the villa tonight.
'With love in tatters on
the beach, the Tablet of Terror
is hoping to make love blossom
between Bear and Chloe.'
Chloe, she's a nice girl,
but she's boring.
If she's a boring fart on this date,
I'm gonna sack her off
in the old sin bin.
Oh, surfing.
I'm buzzing it's paddle boarding,
because I get some space,
finally!
Hold it, hold it.
Bear is the most annoying person
I have ever met in my life.
Grow the fuck up.
Are you ready?
Let's get ready to rumble.
Get it over with.
I jumped on the board thinking,
"Let's have some fun."
Oh, shit!
Agh!
Whoooa! Fuck!
No, I've got ya!
We're in the water
having a good time,
but it's like she's trying not to.
For fuck's sake!
It's not bumper cars.
Dickhead. What a bell-end.
Be careful.
Always so moody.
Babe, chill out.
Oh!
There's no future
with me and Bear.
I've got more interest
in my big toe.
I wanted to find out if Chloe
was boring.
And no surprise, she was.
'You might be bored now, Bear,
but you're gonna wish you were
far out at sea
when the next ex washes up
in T-18 hours.'
Hiya!
(cheering)
We're back!
He's alive!
I know! I didn't kill him.
Did you get a kiss?
No surprise, Bear and Chloe's
date was fucking shit.
He doesn't like it.
Chloe, basically,
is up her own arse.
She's not willing
to get involved.
She might as well fuck off.
And he called Kayleigh a dog
in the car.
In jest.
I just said she's a dog.
What is Chloe's problem?
Why do you keep singling me out?
I have not done nothing to you.
Apart from say you're good looking.
Sorry for giving you
a compliment, babe.
'Night falls, Jordan and Liam
have serious issues to discuss.'
Conversations we should be
having is,
"Who are you fancying?"
"Who are you gonna
make a move on?"
Instead, they're all negative.
That's what it always is.
Fucking groaning.
Calm down, chill out
and starting suck dick.
Don't they?They need to fucking
do some fucking gobbling.
Hopefully, some fresh meat's
coming in fucking soon.
Slags will start coming in.
Course they will, mate.
They're gonna start fucking
flying through. Bring it on.
We both just wanna get
a fucking shag,
and it will all come
in good time.
What time we at now?
Twenty-to-nine.
Plenty of time yet.
Early doors.
'Ah, Liam, if only pulling girls
was as easy as telling the time,
you'd be well in there.'
Her ex-boyfriend is a prick.
Date with Kayleigh.
Jemma has walked in
from the beach
and she's been in tears.
What has happened?
Are you all right?
No, it was horrible.
How bad was it?
He walked straight out like,
"You fucked me over!"
I was like,
"Have you forgotten
what you've done?"
She was literally broke,
crying her eyes out.
He didn't give a fuck at all.
To come out of the water
and be so spiteful
when he cheated on her,
he seems like a bastard.
He said that I mugged him off
because I put his address
on social media.
Because he fucked me over.
Did you put his address on?
The road name.
(sniggering)
Do you still fancy him?
I still have feelings there.
There was no closure.
Does he know that you've
banged Gaz in here? Not yet.
I've known Hawley a long time.
We have the same circle
of friends.
He got with my ex,
so why can't I get with his?
Kayleigh will tell him.
Will he kick off?
I hope it would take one
conversation and be done.
Gaz seems a bit nervous.
I clocked it.
He's shitting his pants!
At the end of the day,
it's going to go fucking off.
This is a happy time.
I wonder if I should tell Hawley
that Gaz made Jemma come
six or seven times.
Who else is in there now?
Bear.
Oh, I know Bear.
Jordan, Gaz..
Are you friends with Gaz?
I've known Gaz since I was what?
15 years old.Really?
I have a duty to tell Hawley
what Jemma's been up to,
because she was a twat to me
last night.
So, the first night,
Jemma and him fucked.
What, here?
Yeah.
What's your fucking crack,
you prick?
Have they actually?
Yeah.
(chuckles)
Fucking hell.
Does he fucking think
he can get away with that?
That's actually blew me.
I can tell.
I can't wait to see them now,
like.(chuckles)
I cannae believe Jemma
had a go at me
knowing that she's fucked
my best mate.
I don't think is gonna
go down very fucking well.
'Before Hawley arrives,
time for a game of Guess Who.'
Have I had they penis
in their mouth?Yes.
Is it Bear?
(laughs)
Is it Jordan's mum?
Ohhhhh!
(cheering)
Oi-oi.
What's happening?
How is everybody?
Hawley walks in
and it's tense straight away.
How youse doing, youse all right?
I did not think I would feel
like this.
How do you know Jemma?
She's your ex?
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit?
Don't rise to it.
The love of my life is here.
Can you come with us?
Yeah.Jemma!
I'm guessing that Kayleigh has
told Hawley about me and Jemma.
The quicker we get this chat over,
the quicker we can move on.
Or this is gonna get nasty fast.
Ssshhh.
You've got these boys' codes
that you bang on about...
I haven't got boys' codes.
Exactly. You should have morals.
How long you fucking known me?
Fucking a very long time.
How long?
Have I ever fucked you over?
Hawley is literally being
a fucking hypocrite.
Hawley, you banged my ex,
I banged yours.
Pot, kettle, black.
You done it with all
them as well, though.
"Don't get with them,"
and then you bang them.
I'm getting fucking annoyed now.
This is her.
He's full of shit.
You fucked me off, Hawley!
You fucking broke my heart!
You fucking ruined me.
I wanted to come here
and build bridges with you.
Then youse two
have fucked each other.
I feel totally mugged off.
Fuck off. I fucked Gaz once.
You've fucking shagged
all of Newcastle!
Jemma, will you just fuck off
out of me face?No!
Chill out!
(sobbing) Fuck off!
Seriously, I can't fucking
handle this.
Jem, babe, you fucked Gaz.
(shrieking)So pipe down.
Jemma! Jemma!
Jemma! Jemma, stop!
Stop!
(sobbing, shrieking)
That boy has absolutely
broken me.
He's a liar!
He's a fucking liar!
Gaz is fucking bang out
of order, like.
What the fuck? Are you for real?
Fucking banged her.
Everyone bangs birds, man.
Everyone's banged every
fucking bird in Newcastle.
I've got morals.
You've known me ten fucking years.
I should be fucking kicking off
at you.
Am I? No. I was prepared to go,
"Hawley, sit down."
I've been calm. Do not get me
fucking started.
From this minute on,
do not say a word to us
or I'll make your life
a living hell. Game on.
Let's fucking go, kid.
'If you think things are bad now,
they're gonna get a lot worse.'
'Next ex, T-minus 12 hours.'
'Now the villa's settled down,
Bear cracks on with Kayleigh.'
'Dog comment forgotten,
desperate times and all that.'
What happened the other night?
Jordan?
Yeah. We were on a date.
Why get with Jordan?
I didn't get with Jordan.
Why did you stay in his bed?
He's a friend.
Jordan has got no chance.
So, who do you fancy?
I KNOW I'm gonna
get lucky tonight!
Look at Kayleigh up there.
I'm having a few drinks
with my girls.
I see Bear chatting to Kayleigh.
He called her a dog.
Is he having
a fucking laugh here?
You all right?
What are you two talking about?
He's pissed off cos
I got in Jordan's bed.
You called her a dog.
Oops. Sorry, Bear.
Did ya?!
He called you a dog.Fuck's sake!
"I don't even like her,
she's a fucking dog."
You're a wanker. Get away from me.
I'm fuming.
How are you gonna fucking
sit there and do all that
when you called her
a fucking dog?
You silly little prick.
Really? Chloe, really?
Chloe said I'd called
Kayleigh a dog.
I did...
...but it was behind her back.
Fucked yourself there,
didn't you?
Wanker!
Kayleigh's not literally a dog.
It's a passing comment.
She's not my type.
I should have said that.
I could've got in her knickers.
He's fucked it now.
He thinks he's so fucking smart.
I'll fucking have him.
You just bent Bear over and
fucked him right in the arse.
Well done, Bear,
you fucking prick.
He's fucked it with you and you.
Quite literally.
Silly prick. I'll have your life.
(laughs)
I don't like Chloe,
cos she's a cock-block.
I've fucking had enough.
'(sighs) All the drama hasn't
helped the boys' pulling mission.'
We're going to stay
with each other.
I hope it's another girl
coming tomorrow,
because if it's another lad
we feel sorry for him.
These girls won't shake our hands,
let alone suck our dicks.
'And they're not the only ones
having a terrible time.'
He cares so much. We did not
think he was gonna even react.
Devastated, I am.
You fucked Gaz, so...
He still loves you.
I love him. I can't help it.
What are you supposed to do
in that situation?
So...
Having a good time, then?
Kayleigh's fuming.
I got called a dog yesterday,
so I am fuming.
It's a passing comment.
So you're a cunt.
That's a passing comment.
Last night, I was winning
Kayleigh round.
Then Chloe come over
and fucked it all up.
At the beginning, it was
love-hate with me and Chloe.
But now it seems she's just
a really nasty person.
I woke up this morning,
I just feel completely drained.
I can't play these games any more.
It's too much, tit-for-tat.
(sobbing)
I still very much
am in love with Hawley,
and I do want to sort things out.
I don't know if
too much shit's happened.
I woke up and I feel like shit.
I don't know where my head is.
I feel hurt.
I've got mixed emotions
against Jemma.
What I found out was hard,
but I've got a history with her.
And it's just a total head-fuck.
Last night it was kicking off.
I do not need it.
Me and Hawley used to be friends.
I think it can get sorted.
For now,
sort your shit out with Jemma.
'Gaz is in a forgiving mood.'
'Maybe Bear and Chloe
can make up.'
It was a passing comment.
You told her you wanted her
to be your girlfriend.
And that she was pretty.
And that you missed me.
We were on a date.
All the girls are very weird
with me for no reason.
And Chloe's the instigator.
She needs to fuck off.
Then I can get laid.
You literally chat utter bollocks.
That's the way I chat people up.
You're just gutted because
I outed the shit out of you.
Outed with what?
I'm the only girl
who can take Bear on.
Hide in your room.
So full of yourself.
Shut up!
Do a bit of knitting.
You're really boring.Shut up.
(alarm, groaning)
"Morning, everyone.
You've got down and dirty."
"Now it's time
for Jemma and Hawley
to wash their troubles away."
That'll be fun.
Better take a scrubbing brush.
Get rid of those troubles.
I don't know if I can sort
things out. I'm gonna try.
Things are gonna get brought up from
the past. It's gonna be difficult.
Have fun.
See you soon.
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
'The Tablet of Terror might be
getting their knickers in a twist,
but who's going to poo their pants
when the next ex gets
dumped on the beach?'
Me and Jemma came to carve
some flowers out of soap.
We need to have a chat.
'Soap carving,
textbook way to solve issues.'
I put my point straight across.
Yeah, you did, but that
absolutely just killed me.
I've never done anything to you
out of spite.
We've always tried to get
one over on each other.
It's gotta stop.
What do you miss?
I think we just get on
really well.
You're the only proper girlfriend
I've had.
I'm always gonna have
feelings towards Jemma.
What we had was serious,
which is making it hard.
I don't know what is
going to happen.
I didn't think coming on here
would bring back feelings
I thought were gone.
Everything's going so well,
we're getting on.
You were part of my life.
I still have feelings.
I do still love him and I do
still care about him so much.
I've not met anyone that... I get on
with like I do you when it's good.
But I do have one secret
that I've gotta tell him.
I did get with Hawley's
best friend Scott.
Hawley is gonna go absolutely
mental when he finds out.
'While Hawley's in for
another hellish surprise,
it's about to get nasty
for Jess, Jordan or Gaz
on the beach of doom.
I feel like I'm gonna have a poo.
Jess is bricking it.
Last time, Kayleigh came out
and went straight in for her.
The last two exes have really
fucked everything up.
I'm shitting myself.
Doesn't matter if it's your ex,
they can still fuck shit up.
Every single person you've ever
been with runs through your head.
I've got an army of
angry women behind me.
One of them I even got fucking
engaged to. I am fucked.
If it is Megan, obviously,
I'll be angry, emotional.
She is gonna shout and scream...
Think she'll fight you?
She probably will wanna hit me.
If it's someone I've just banged,
I hope I'll remember them.
It's you, Gaz!
Charlotte! Yes!
Thank you, Tablet of Terror.
Good one!
Yes!
Out of all the people
that I've shagged,
I get on with Charlotte
probablies the best.
Oh! I was shitting myself.
Thank fuck
it's not Megan McKenna!
Bring it fucking on!
Single and up for fun?
Single and ready to mingle.
I'm Charlotte Dawson, I'm 23,
I'm from Blackpool
and I'm Les Dawson's daughter.
Knickers, knackers, knockers!
(giggles)
I think a lot of people
think I'm this stuck-up girl,
but I'm the biggest
party girl ever.
I just don't give
an absolute shit.
I went on a night out
in Manchester
and ended up in Rome.
Who the hell does that?
Me and Gaz met each other
a few years ago now.
We got on like a house on fire.
He's like the same person as me.
Loves a party, a laugh,
but accidentally ended up in bed.
Right, Dad,
I'm off to that beach,
so keep those chuffin' eyes shut,
I'm telling ya.
You glad to be here?Yeah.
Glad to see Gaz?Yeah.
Charlotte? I remember those tits.
How do you know each other?
We met a few years ago.
We had a little thing,
slept together.
Yeah. Always ended up on him.
I can tell she's giving me
the eye.
Get me on that date
so I can get straight in.
'Let's see if you're in luck.'
What you got?
"Hello.
Welcome to the beach, Charlotte."
"It's date time for you
and Jordan..." About time!
"...who's going to take you
hunting for cockles."
What the fuck even is a cockle?
Come on, then, Charlotte.
Let's go.
Have fun, bro.
Gaz, I'm gonna put the poetry in
motion and fuck her in the ocean.
'While Charlotte's putting
a smile on Jordan's face,
Jemma's dreading coming clean
to Hawley.'
You have done a lot of things
to hurt me, to spite me.
And unfortunately,
I did something as well.
I am absolutely dreading
telling him what I've done.
I'm only telling you because I'm
hoping that you can deal with it.
Howay, then, what is it?
It's pretty bad.
I'm fucking shaking right now.
I did get with Scott.
Really?
I did.
Fucking hell, man.
I feel... pretty shit.
If I could change it, I would.
Fuck me.
It makes us feel like...
It makes you feel hurt.
I feel, like, betrayed.
Where do I move on from here now?
What do I do?
I feel like trying to leave
the past behind and draw a line,
and that has to be under
that line.Fuck!
I really felt me and Hawley
were getting on a path
to fixing things.
But this might have
fucked it now.
They're gonna be back soon.
Who do you reckon it is?
We're all shitting ourselves
thinking this one's even worse.
Oh, Jess is back.
What? What?
Who?Who is it?
Charlotte Dawson.
(cheering) I know Charlotte.
For once it is a good ex.
I'm so excited for tonight.
(Liam) Looks like there's some fresh
meat. It's about time as well.
Hopefully this girl gets
her tits out and has a laugh.
Is she fit?
Yeah, she's fit.
Good. Whoo!
Finally, I'm on a date.
Oh, my chuffing God, I've got one.
(sniffs)
Smells like...
What?
Smells like me. No, I'm joking.
She's got a great arse,
a great smile.
She's thick as fuck. I can't
wait to see her sucking my dick.
'You've got nowhere so far,
champ.'
All of the birds have been
trying to get me.
I'm gonna take my time
and wait for the right person.
I think this is the right time.
You're fucking fit.
Jordan's flirting chuffin' hard.
What's your type of boy?
Someone that can make me laugh.
Is it Welsh?
(laughs)
You're a very good-looking girl.
Shall we have a little kiss?
Not yet.I'm willing to put
the ground work in.
I'll have Jordan thinking
I'm having his salty cockle.
But I'm going to see what
other seafood's on the menu.
Let's go back.
Let's get cockled up.
Get back to the villa,
get her pissed,
chat some shit
and worm my way in.
Wow! Why-aye!
The gruesome twosome.
Hawley and Jemma walk in,
they haven't killed each other,
but they look like
someone's died.
How are you getting on?
We cleared a few things up.
But I found some stuff out.
What?
About Scott.
Scotty T?
He's my best pal.
Fucking hell.
Last night, Jemma lost the plot.
She threw tantrums,
she had tears.
"How could you do this to me?"
Not only has she fucked Gaz.
She's also fucked Scotty T.
What the fuck?
Have you been crying?
I had a little cry.
It was really sad.
We were getting on well and
admitted we still had feelings
and we want to see what happened.
It was like, "By the way,
I shagged Scott."
I went, "What the fuck?!"
I was getting in the bad books
with Hawley,
but after what Scotty T's done,
it's irrelevant.
Thanks, Scotty T. You just
made my life a lot easier.
I love him so much still,
and I don't know what to do.
There's so much history. I don't
know if it will ever be fixed.
Maybe this is the time,
with things out in the open,
it's a chance to wipe
and build bridges.
You've both done things,
now's a chance to reconnect.
That's what it boils down to.
What's your plan now, like?
I was going to try to build
a bridge with Jemma.
But after finding that out about
Scotty, that's not gonna happen.
Jemma's fucked Gaz,
She's fucked Scotty T.
End of the day,
I'm the one being fucked.
I'm gonna make it my mission
to fuck Jemma over.
(cheering)
She is well fit!
Get up there, my son!
Did you touch Jordan's cockle?
I didn't, actually.
I played it quite safe.
Jordan is having a fucking shocker.
Charlotte, you're Gaz's ex?
Yeah.Have you come to
get him back, to shag him,
to have a good time?
I'll see what happens.
Tonight I'm feeling
a bit of romance.
I might end up back in bed
with Gaz.
We're having a Hawaiian party.
Let's get ready, get pissed
and actually have
a fucking good night.
(cheering)
'Not everybody's in the mood
for floral shirts and hula.'
I just can't be myself.
I know.
I've probably had the most
difficult day of my life.
I've had to tell somebody I love
something that they hate.
I'm just scared of what
could happen.
I might have fucked it.
I did wanna sort things.
I don't know if we can now.
'Oh, cheer up, Jemma!
It might get better.'
'Oh, no, it won't.'
'There's another ex
coming in T-minus ten hours.
This is to Charlotte's first night.
(cheering)
I just wanna to get absolutely
sshhhteaming!
One, two, three!
Tonight could not be going better.
(shrieking, laughter)
Bear, who do you find
more annoying?
Chloe...
(sniggering)
...or... Jess.
Chloe. Whoo!
Babe, I'm always the winner
in his eyes.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
'This is all a bit friendly.'
'Surely it can't last?'
Hawley, would you rather...
spoon Jemma or spoon Chloe?
Well, that's easy.
Shit's gonna kick off.
Think wisely.
I just found out Jemma
banged my best mate. Revenge.
(Jordan)
Let him answer, let him answer.
It'd have to be Chloe, like.
(gasping)
I should not have said that.
Why am I so stupid?
Wow! Wow! Wow!
What a melon-head!
You're in for it now.
This is when the fun
fucking begins, then.
It's a game, innit?
Do it, then, get your kit off.
Are you fucking winding me up?
He lasts three seconds anyway.
Oh!
Oh.
You didn't make me come once.
He made me come eight times.
Shit. This is getting awkward.
The prick that is Hawley,
he's trying to get revenge.
I'm raging.
What am I supposed to do?
His shower gel is shit.
(laughter)
(alarm)
Guys!
Tablet's gone off!
Fuck! It's already kicked off.
What more could go wrong?
Sorry, the Tablet of Terror
goes off.
"Hello, all-stars. I hope
you are enjoying your evening."
"Bear, time to send someone home.
It's your choice."
I feel powerful.
I've been summoned.
Oh, my God.
It's MY time!
To shine.
Fucking hell. Could be me.
My arse is twitching
like a rabbit's nose.
I think I'm out this back door
again.
Playing it cool for a minute.
Chloe, you gotta go, babe.
You're boring.
Are you joking?
You've ruined everyone's time here.
Bear, shut up. What, cos you
can't get in my fanny?
My night's gone from amazing
to fucking shit.
Put your makeup on and hide
in the shades. Laters.
No-one likes her.
Bear, I agree with you.
Chloe, you're boring.
Babe, don't cry. Don't cry.
The only reason Bear sent
Chloe home is cos's got shit chat
and she won't fall for his
rubbish chat!
I enjoyed that so much.
It's nice to be nice, right?
It's been nice to meet, at least.
What?
Are you talking about me?
As per usual. Why am I always
the first name on your tongue?
There's a reason you've
had a punch, OK?
Have you had a good time?
I've had the best time.
You're such a fucking wanker.
You want one of my shirts
to pack?Trust me.Shitter!
I'd rather jump off a cliff than
spend another second with him.
'You're not the only one.'
Why did you send
my best friend home?
She's not your best friend,
Bear! You know!
I am fucking livid.
Don't fucking push me.
Don't push me again!
Don't kick off at me.
Ah, fuck off, Jess!
This is a fucking joke.
Who, Jess?
I can't believe he's said that.
The way she's behaving?
I'm looking out for her.
Don't you come near me.
Oh, my God!
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe!
What is going on, man?
Dare ya! I fucking dare ya!
What the fuck are you doing?
(shouting) I dare ya!
Basically, I send someone home,
and Jordan's getting beaten up.
Unlucky. Jords? Jords?
Jords?
For some reason now,
all the girls have turned on me.
It ain't fucking right.
'Jordan might feel hard-done-by.
Chloe's going...'
(sobbing)
'...and Jess is gutted.'
This place is full of desperate,
pathetic little boys.
I'm gutted to be leaving Jess
behind and that's it.
Now I don't even want
to be here any more.
Bye, babes.
Chloe, babe, put your hat on,
get your cloak,
get your broomstick...
and fuck off!
I like that Chloe.
I think she's pretty sassy.
(cheering) I'm here to have fun,
do what I want
and teach the girls to stop
getting their hearts broken.
I'm so happy that
I'm here with Chloe,
because she's gonna have my back.
Who, Jess?
You're such a fucking wanker.
Chloe could be in the box.
The Box of Bear.
Bear is the most annoying person
I've ever met.
I fancy ya.
Think I believe this shit?
What is Chloe's problem?
Fuck off!
Fuck off. I'm not interested.
Leave me alone.
You silly little prick.
Chloe, babe, laters!
Even though World War Three's
kicking off,
I still think I'm gonna get
Charlotte in bed.
Someone's gotta make her
feel welcome.
Come and have a drink.
Gaz takes me to the penthouse.
But on the way,
we just bumped into Liv.
I mean, I wouldn't say never
to a threesome with them both.
Never say never, innit?
Ah, OK, then.
Ah, OK, then.
.
Ah, OK, then.