Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - Baskets - full transcript

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"Baskets"

I didn't even know
that hair can grow there...

Oy, Avihai!

Hold on a second.
You're still here?

Yes, I'm waiting for Ofra,
she's at a job interview.

I'm finishing up some work here.
-Amazing, amazing.

You're a role model. -Yes.

But Avihai, eat something,
you're fading away.

Anyway, I didn't know. Did you know
that hair can grow there?

Bubblehead.



Lately my wife, Ofra,
has been climbing the walls.

Why? Our eldest got married,
our middle one enlisted,

our little one's into Alma and Elsa
and she has nothing to do,

so she decided to look for a job.
-And do you support her?

No, I'd rather she hang out all day
at "Stock Store"

and burn my money on baskets.
Of course I support her!

Work is a good thing.

Look what it did for me,
look at this great bod,

and it's all because I'm active at work.
No gym, no nothing. Here, look.

Look how nice, wait.
You see? Look.

You know what?
I'll leave and come back,

you add it in the interview later
as if, you know... spontaneous.

Well? What's up?
Did someone call me?

No one called me.



Well?
You see? It's all from work.

No sports, no gym, no weights,

no gogging, no jogging, nothing.
It's all from work.

"Wow,
you've lost weight like me..."

Oh, finally.
-Hi, Peanut. -Hi.

What?
-Weren't you at a job interview?

It took exactly three minutes.

Forget it, they said I don't have experience.
The usual... But get this,

they opened a store
right outside the office.

Isn't that the one next to our house?
-No, this is a new one

they have different kinds, look.
Look at these.

You bought more baskets?
-Avihai, one always needs baskets.

Ofra, our house is full of baskets,
baskets for everything,

baskets for newspapers,
baskets for magazines.

I don't get it,
why does toilet paper need a basket?

Can't you put them on the toilet tank?
-And let them run loose?

"Run loose?"
We're not talking about a dog.

Besides, half the baskets
still have a tag on in the closet.

Right, that's why I bought this.
A basket for baskets.

So they don't run loose.

780 shekels!
-She bought baskets for 780 shekels?

I wish it were only baskets!

Listen, "Decorative soap dish".

"Woven straw divider".

"Toad door stop".

"Medium sized garden elf"
By the way, we don't have a garden.

"Bamboo egg slicer".

"Six hug cups".
You ever hug a cappuccino?

Enough!
The field day is over!

As of tomorrow that woman
will start working, come hell or high water.

Ofra is working here
as of tomorrow, clear?

Ofra Ofra?
-"Ofra Ofra"?

Why do you have to say
Ofra" after "Ofra"? Ofra!

Okay, Avihai, so...

I have to talk to Manpower
and Human Resources

because if there's no opening, then...

Didn't I make myself clear?
Ofra starts here tomorrow.

If you want, we'll do it,
but it's best it be by the book,

otherwise you could be accused of...
nepotism.

Nepo-what?
-Nepotism.

You're making up words again?
-I'm not making up words,

nepotism, it's a real word,
I didn't make it up.

It means, employing someone
based on family relations alone.

Then how else?
How will people get jobs?

Okay. Avihai, I can talk
to Yoni from the toy store,

I know he's looking for employees.
-No! No way!

That's all I need,
some sick horny boss.

Here is best.

Hey, Esti.
Great tights.

I'm telling you, since I lost weight,
women are all over me.

You should too,
you got a pot belly.

Lose some weighty dude.

Instead of sitting here all day
shooting the crap. Do some sports!

Take it from me,
if I can, anyone can.

From now on,
if you take a magazine to the restroom,

don't return it
to the cash register.

Tak, we don't steal a magazine
and we get chewed out.

Nothing is good for this one.
-But why put it here?

C'est tout, on to the next item.

I want to introduce
our new employee who will work...

we'll find her something.

Ofra?
Ofra, come in.

There really is no need to introduce her,
it's Ofra Grazian.

The original Ofra! -Ah!
-We're lucky! -Thank you.

This is awesome.

Gorgeous!
I'm so glad you're here!

Thank you. -Oh joy! Awesome!
You made my day.

A spy in the supermarket!
-Fifth column. -A Trojan horse.

That's all we need. Whatever we do,
she snitches to Avihai.

A damn Mata Hari!

It's not explicit.

No, my cleaning lady and I are besties.

Whenever she arrives
I make her a cup of coffee.

Disposal, of course.

It's a match!

Mrs. Shuni,
I think we found the one for you!

Hold on. Just a second.
Show me.

Mrs. Shuni, Amihai,
Amihai, Mrs. Shuni.

Feel the power.
Yes, feel, feel.

Ah? Ah?
Meant to or not meant to?

Red red?
Guaranteed?

Three years,
not including feta.

Yes, Petzkaleh.
-So beautiful together.

Treat her right.

A day in the vegetable section
is like an entire season

of "Married at First Sight".

The veggies are the brides
and the customers, the grooms.

And who are you?
-I'm the quirky psychologist.

But with an accent.

You know, the running joke
in the gang's WhatsApp group

is that there's a patch saved for me
in vegetable heaven.

Who are "the gang"?
-Me and Mrs. Florence.

For some reason,
Mrs. Peperni left the group,

but I'm sure she'll be back.

Kishkishkashta.

Like every matchmaker,
I too have my matchingly challenged.

You know,
not all veggies are Justin Bieber.

And as much as I love
our dear customers,

they don't always take a deeper look.
-What do you mean?

The average customer
tends to judge the product

based on the packaging alone,
and it's a known fact

since the dawn of time that the outside
is no testament to the inside.

Not all that glitters is gold and silver...

What about the vegetable
that doesn't sell in the end?

Then it sells in the middle.

Forgive me, forgive me.

Really, thank God, knock wood,
touch my belt buckle,

there hasn't been a fruit or vegetable,
as special as it may be,

that I haven't been able
to find a match for.

"There's a lid for every table or chair
or fruit or vegetable."

Good one.

"Go tell everyone
that you can be fried,

"that you can be paired
with any fine match..."

"Ma'am, you know what's strong?
A tiny or huge cucumber, that's what.

"Ma'am, you know what's strong?
A tiny or huge cucumber, that's what."

"An apple, she wants an apple,
she wants an apple."

"And the carrot like me
is handsome and orange

"It's good for the eyes,
feels like a dream."

I can't, sorry.

Me and Naomi are making salad.

But she needs me.

Cut tiny pieces.

You know I would be there.

Maybe some other time, sorry.

Don't you know what tiny is?
-Kohava, this is how chefs do it.

I won't eat it like that.

Where were we?
What were we saying

That Avihai got
a brand new executive car.

Whoopie-doo.
But a holiday gift for the employees?

A set of colorful pans,
seven years in a row.

I know him, he's a scrooge.

Forget scrooge,
now he's dieting all day.

"Naomi, did I lose weight?
Can you tell I lost weight?"

"Hey Esti, great tights.
Great tights," yuck.

Wow, that's funny,
who are you imitating?

Uh... that guy, what's his name?
Um... Nissim. He's like...

whenever he sees, he's like:
"Great tights, great tights,"

like that. It's to die for,
you'll love it. -Yes? -Yes.

You get the sting?
That's how it's gonna be from now on?

I have to live in fear
of throwing shade at work?

What have we come to?

What are you doing here?
Didn't we say you're making salad?

I took out the soap. -And?
Now we're putting in mayonnaise.

Put. Fill it up.
-Alright, wait.

Someone's coming.
We'll finish it later.

How's it going, friends?
-It's going.

Can I hang out with you?
I'm so bored.

Hang out with us?

Sure, but Shira told us to...
clean the storeroom. -Grind meat.

To grind meat.
-Clean the storeroom.

Grind meat or clean the storeroom?
-What he said. -What he said.

Okay, are you done here?
Can I wash my hands?

Uh... -Here? No.
-The tap is on the blink.

I don't recommend it.
-You open the tap and the water...

It's all infection virus.
-It comes up and...

There's a hose outside.
-Alright. -It's sterile there...

Oh, Nissim. -Hmm?
-Great tights.

As if Shira's not enough,
now this one?!

Now I have to live in fear
of who falls victim to my pranks?

If she tells her husband
what me and Nissim do,

tomorrow we're marching
to the unemployment bureau!

Left, right, left, right.

Then the baby cries:
"Waah! Waah!"

Why is baby crying?
Is baby hungry?

Sorry, baby, no money,

Avihai's wife saw Daddy
making joke with mayonnaise.

Shenkin, cut this in editing,
put subtitles.

"Issachar Bounty"

It's like a hippo.

Hello, this is Gila.
Gila the kohlrabi.

She is very unique.

Wow, that is an unusual kohlrabi.

And you're looking at her
before the makeover...

A small, quick touch
for the kohlrabi that dares

and Gila will go to market!

Some men objectify women, right?

Well, Ramzi doesn't,
but he humanizes vegetables.

Then objectifies them. It's so odd,
I don't know if it bothers me.

Saragusti. -Huh, bro?
-Check this out.

Is he Gila's intended one?
Is he her meant to?

Looks just like Parselani!
-I gotta send this to the group.

He'll love this, hold on.

Me, Parselani and Saragusti
at "Issachar Bounty", ole!

How ugly, man.
Like in real life.

Laugh and toss. A typical man.
But I am not worried.

The knight with the shining cart
will come and take Gila to the kitchen.

I wonder why Mrs. Peperni
left the WhatsApp group.

"Issachar Bounty"

Kohava, gimme a hand over here.
-Sorry, I may have celiac.

Get outta here.
When did you get tested?

That's just it, I didn't, hence I may have.
If I did, I'd know for sure.

Hey.

Let me help you,
we can get to know one another.

What, Ramzi?

You need me urgently?
I'm coming.

What'll I talk to her about for 30 minutes?
Her husband's likes on my Instagram?

His comments on my pics
from the army?

You want to quit?
You only worked for four hours.

It's not for my, Avihai.

It's Riki, huh?
All her nonsense about Steve Jobs.

No, it's not her. -No?
-She's alright, it's... all the others.

They must feel awkward
working with the boss' wife.

And it's not for me.
Work? Me?

And I have that birthday discount
at "Stock Store" so I want to go...

Wait, I'll be right back.
-Where to?

To talk to Riki.
-No way! -Why not?

I don't want you to speak for me.
-Who's speaking for you?

I have other things
to discuss with her.

As of tomorrow,
everyone's Ofra's friend, clear?!

Avihai, I don't know
if you can force people to be...

Clear?!

Or I'll deduct 100 shekels from your pay
for every basket she buys!

Nissim.

Nissim!

Ramzi, wait! Nissim!

Ramzi! Nissim!
-Nissim, she's talking to you.

I'm talking to you too, Kohava.
-But you didn't say "Kohava."

So, everyone, okay?

Nissim, Kohava, Anatoly
and Ramzi, we have to help Ofra,

we have to.

Think about it, she's new
and we're all friends.

"We're all real good friends."

Where was she
when awareness was handed out?

What is this, kindergarten?

Oh, she's an immigrant,
we have to be her friend.

Excuse me, no.
-What did he say?

She has to accumulate seniority,
not right away, boo-boom.

Fine. -And no need to push,
push, push... -We don't have to.

There's something to...
-Ramzi, stop! No!

Okay, I'm sorry,
it's an order!

Everyone has to be friends with Ofra or...
-Or what? -What?!

"Or what" you ask?
-I asked.

Or what? -Or...

What? What?

I'll be the one who chooses
this year's gift for employees.

Shira. -Nissim.
-Shira, no. -Not the gift.

Another cellphone holder
and microwave heating pad?

You put in soap, sheets, linens,
all those little knickknacks

and it pains me, because people
don't understand the value of baskets.

I guess so, right,
that's very interesting...

Are there different kinds of baskets?
-Oh my, yes,

there are fabric baskets,
metal baskets,

rattan baskets, faux rattan,

straw baskets, faux straw,

baskets with lids, without lids,

there are big baskets
with tiny baskets inside. -How cute.

There are baskets for scented leaves,
for unscented leaves. -Oh yeah?

I miss the workplace lectures.

Isn't there a basket
that will shut her up?

There are curved baskets
and concave baskets.

And that's it, I think.

Yes.

And those are the baskets
without the handles.

There are baskets with handles,
that's a whole different world.

There are baskets
with straw handles...

Hey, guys, what's going on?
Where to?

Dentist.
-Together?

Special offer.
-Friend brings friend.

Excuse me, hold on.

Ofra isn't done telling us
about the baskets.

Make a summary,
put it in a basket and send it to us.

Excuse me, guys, guys...
Holiday gift, holiday gift,

holiday gift, holiday gift.

Sit back down,
you keep talking.

No manners.
She's a friend. -So..

what's amazing is
that all the baskets I'm talking about

can be bought here,
right next door. -No way!

Listen, I used to order everything
from overseas.

And I mean everything.
Shoes, vacuum cleaner, Avihai's girdles.

Now? Everything's accessible.

What did you say?
-Everything's accessible.

No, no, before that.
-I bought everything overseas.

After, after. -Vacuum?
-Between them. -Avihai's girdles?

Yes, that.
-What's girdle? -Corset.

Avihai wears a girdle?
-Obviously.

Can't you see how thin he is?
-Oh yeah.

Walks around like a peacock
but eats like a pig. -Ah...

Poor thing, the first few days
it gave him a rash on his back,

his back was all red,
so I gave him my creams

and now he's addicted to them.
-You don't say. That's wonderful.

Avihai uses your creams?
-Creams, serums, masks.

You should see him at home
doing George Clooney imitations.

Avihai, George Clooney?
-What do you say?

"Espresso, what else?"

"Beautiful."

"Nice."

Cute, right? -Cutie pie.
-Cute and how. -Like a koala.

Okay, I feel bad,
I took up so much of your break.

No... -What?
-You took up nothing.

No, no, sit, sit.
-Why? Why?

How do you drink your coffee?
-Half a sugar. -Half a sugar.

No sugar for me.
-Tea for me.

You're all so sweet.

Is there anything else
we should know about Avihai?

I mean, he is our boss.
-Um...

The expectation was excruciating.

I couldn't sit back idly
and wait for someone

to come and get Gila,
and perhaps not!

So what did you do?

I remembered I have
a close friendship with several customers,

some of whom are certified cooks.

So I sent them a reminder
about our blowout sales

in the vegetable section.
-You have customers' phone numbers?

You know, here and there
I do save the numbers of customers

who have penetrated my heart.
Like, Ora Malachi, a good friend.

Ilana Vaknin.
She just retired from the radio.

Esterika Peterson,

Bracha Neufeld,
her husband's a neurosurgeon,

there's Batya Hatuel,
Bella Simantov, Mrs. Aharonov,

Mrs. Osidon,
Mrs. looked for chicken,

Mrs. looked for dill,
Mrs. Patriot Ziona.

Lots of Mrs.
Mrs. Grinboim, Mrs. Grinberg.

Sounds the same,
but these women are polfs apart.

Let's go, sale on kohlrabi!

It's a blowout,
three kilos for ten.

Push, push, push, push!
Load 'em all up!

Good job, Mrs. Peterson.

Mrs. Huberschmidt.

Good evening, pleasant day.

We'll talk on the phone.

Special on kohlrabi, triple blowout
and super supermarket blowout.

Disgusting.

So cruel is the world
of fruit and veggies.

"Issachar Bounty"

Anyways, I get to the hotel,
what do I see?

He fell asleep... in the toilet bowl
with his toothbrush in his mouth.

Write that down.
-I'm recording.

In the morning he says:
"Go to the dining room,

"I have to go to the toilet."
But you were there all night!

Ah? -Hey, Peanut.
-The man.

I see you're friends, huh?
-Yes. -Did I tell you or did I not?

Yes. -You were right.
-She was so worried.

What's up, Avihai?
-You know.

Have you... lost weight or what?
-You can tell, huh? -Sure!

It's all from work, no gym, no nothing,
and good genes.

Good genes, sure.
-That's all it takes.

Why the giggles?

Anecdotes. -You know,
we're making friends with Ofra...

and having a laugh.
-Nice atmosphere. -Totally.

Not anything... too weighty.

Of-courset.

Kohava!

You told them about the girdle?
I may have mentioned it in passing.

Was there nothing else to talk about
but the girdle? -Not only.

George Clooney too.
-And face cream.

Face cream?

What can I do? They're tasty,
she gets me passion fruit creams.

I like passion fruit.

I didn't say you eat them,
I said you apply them.

Oh, apply them, sure.
What am I, a fool? I apply them.

You apply them in season?

Come on, let's go.

The only place that will hire Ofra
is where people know me.

The problem with that
is that people know me!

It's a double edged knife.

Peanut.
-Ah, Pistachio. Finally.

You have to see what came in.

Tiger spot basket
and zebra stripe basket.

Beautiful. -Stunning, right?
-Beautiful. -Hold on,

I want to say hello to..
-No, no need.

Honey, let's go.
-It'll only take a second.

No, listen,
there's a new "Surplus Stock" store.

Maybe we'll, find a different
faux basket. -Peanut!

Come on, open the car.
-My Pistachio. -Let's go, honey.

Maybe we'll find
a giraffe spotted basket?

Giraffe spotted?
-You know, giraffe. -Great!

"Issachar Bounty"

I won't lie,
I didn't sleep well this past week.

You know,
Gila isn't getting any younger.

Her biological clock is ticking.

According to supermarket protocol,

she has three days and two hours
before I remove her from the display.

And from there,
no veggie ever came back alive.

"Dear customers,
please make your way to the registers,

"the supermarket is about to close.

"Thank you
and have a bountiful day!"

With all due respect, even the shrink
from "Married At First Sight"

failed with that woman
who looks like Bossga.

So special.

Blind, everyone's blind.

My Gila! Gila!

I found you a match!

Nice to meet you.

Ignoramus!
Imbecile!

Dunce that I am!
How is it I didn't notice?

And I'm waiting
for the knight with the shining cart

when all this time - it's me.
I'm the knight.

Ramzi, are you alright?

I'm fine...

Ramzi, what did you eat?

Gila.

What happened, Ramzi?
-Slight food poisoning.

I was rushed to the hospital.

They pumped my stomach
and polished it.

Now I'm a new man.

Excuse me.

How did it happen?
-Let's just say that...

typically, the outside
is no testament to the inside.

In Gila's case,
let's just say that she...

wasn't so beautiful inside either.
And slightly toxic.

And they discharged you from the hospital
with a pajama and IV?

No...
they didn't exactly discharge me.

What then?
-"What then?"

There's work to do.
The veggies won't match themselves.

Zucchini.
Isn't it massive?

After you stretch it,
you close here and voila.

Like this. -That's it?
-Yes. Look how nice.

Espresso, what else?

Goddamn, it's mayonnaise.

Who put mayonnaise in here?

Beautiful.

Nice.

Nice ice.

Nice tights.

Sunday,

Monday,

Tuesday,

Wednesday,

Saturday.

Saturday.

Dude.

Not too shabby.

Dedicated with love to Ruthie Farhi
of blessed memory