Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Yolanda - full transcript

What do I hate most about Shira?

What kind of question is that?
-That's not what I asked.

Then what did you ask?
I asked, what annoys you the most

in the supermarket?
-Same same. First of all,

the fact that she refuses to understand
the concept of an ashtray.

Hey, guys.

How's it going?

How was your weekend?

I climbed a wall.

It was the first time
I climbed a wall.

You know how fun it was?
Want us all to go next week?



Okay, think about it,
maybe we'll set something up.

She puts everything in there,
gum, peels, snotty Kleenex.

An ashtray isn't a trash can,
it's an ashtray!

From the word "ashes."
Not a gum-tray, or banana-tray or snot-tray.

Ash-tray!

So that's what annoys you the most about Shira?
-Not at all. That was just the warmup.

First of all, before I forget...

Excuse me.

Who sneezes like that?!

Are you a vacuum cleaner?
She does it on purpose.

And where does she put
her filthy Kleenex?

I wanted to say that I noticed
you're not late anymore

and chapeau for that.

Chapeau!
What's chapeau?!



And who made her
in charge of "chapeau"?!

You'll decide who deserves chapeau
and who doesn't? Chapeau shmapeau!

And dear Nissim Shimoni,

if you think I didn't notice
you reorganized the fridge,

then you're wrong

and I want to say chapeau
to you and Anatoly,

and not just any chapeau,
a big chapeau.

You know what?
A huge chapeau.

And she gives out chapeau in sizes.
As if it's popcorn.

Big chapeau, huge chapeau,
family-size chapeau.

All day long,
"chapeau, chapeau, chapeau."

But shampoo? No way.
God forbid.

First use shampoo,
then go to town with chapeau

Is that it? Did you get it all out?
-I haven't started,

but I feel bad,
you have to get the shoddy intro in.

"Checkout"

"Yolanda"

Great.
Break, destroy, why not?

Cleaning machine to checkout 2.

Do you want to go get
another jam? -Na...

Of course not...
Like you paid for it.

Exactly 546.20.

Giddy-up, Yolanda.
We're heading northeast!

Installments?

Installments? -I can't hear.
-Installments?! -I can't hear.

Ramzi! -I can't hear you!
There's a noise in the machine!

Ramzi, turn that off!
I'll shove it up...

the mother of that..

and it'll come out coated!

It's an expression.

Our cleaning machine,
or as Ramzi calls it, Yolanda,

is past its prime, to say the least.

Why don't you replace it?
-Why?

"And the hyacinth

"in our little garden

"every night..."

Ramzi, that's why.

When the sprayer broke,
he cried for two days,

he stuffed it,
put it on the wall in my office.

"Manuel the sprayer"

Yes, our Yolanda is no spring chicken,
but believe me,

young brooms who would die
to have half her skills.

Take Carlos for example.

A strapping young mop indeed,

yet Yolanda leaves him in her dust
and hairs and pistachio shells.

It's just...
her brushes shed.

but besides that,
she's like an 18 year old.

What are you doing?
-Crushing Yolanda's tablets.

Lately it's hard for her to swallow them.

Ramzi!

Ramzi Abed Ramzi.

Yes, Bossgosh? -No Bossgosh
and no shmosgosh! -Shmosgosh...

No! You listen to me,
I almost cracked my head open.

Oy vey!
-You know why?

Because your machine
left a trail of motor oil.

Sometimes Yolanda has..

incontinence.
-Incontinence?!

You listen to me good!

This isn't a geriatric center for cleaning
machines. Got that? -Yes, of course.

Either you take care of her problems
or tomorrow I'll order a new machine.

But Bossgosh... -Capisce? Capisce?!
-Capach. -Thank you.

Capisce?!
-Capach, capach.

You put a diaper
on the cleaning machine?

I prefer "absorption solutions."

"Issachar Bounty"

And then, puff!
The theater goes dark.

"I can show you the world"
comes on in the background.

Srukh and I come down from the ceiling
in Aladdin outfits.

Srukh holds me in his muscular arms.

Are you envisioning it?
-I'm envisioning.

Wow, Srukh, you have
such a cool mom, I wish I did too.

Mom, do you get
that we're getting married?

Mommykins, what's wrong?
Are you crying?

It's my mustache, it burns.
-Aw... -Hold on. Let's finish up.

In two months, Treasure,
my boy, is marrying Gon,

he's a boy too
of some... proud mother.

Congratulations. How is he?
-Who? -The groom.

Which one? -Gon.

Not what I had in mind for Treasure.

But he's a killer cosmetician.

If not grandkids,
at least I'll have a smooth groin.

That's it, beautiful.
-Thanks, Gon-gon,

but this time I'm paying.
-No way, Kohi. -Way.

Are you nuts?
Me, take money from my mom?

Stop... -Mommykins.
-I won't have it.

Just take it.
-You're taking it.

Okay, fine.

I need it for the parking lot,
he only takes cash.

I told him, just once,
a credit card. No.

Okay, Mommykins, I'm off to work,
this wedding won't pay for itself.

Bye, love, bye.
-Bye.

Kohi, what's the recipe?
How did he come out so delicious?

Go already!
-Bye, bye.

Look at the beautiful canopy.
-Nice.

Oh, Mom, look, the napkins,
fuchsia pink or lilac purple,

what's best?
-That you marry a woman.

What? -Fuchsia pink.
-Right? That's what I thought.

It's more...

Hello?

Yes, I miss you too.
How's by you?

I'll call back in a few minutes, okay?
Bye.

Anyhoo... -He misses you already?
-What?

Oh, it wasn't Gon.
-What?

It wasn't Gon?
Who did you just speak to?

Maor.

No, no, no, no, no.

I finally got used
to seeing him with Gon,

now I have to imagine him
with some Maor guy?

Maor?! It's the name of...
a shutter installer.

And I bet he can't pluck eyebrows.

Are you off your rocker? You and Gon
are getting married in two months.

Gon? The love of your life!
-Yes, but...

This is no time for two-timing.
First you get married, get that done,

then if you're stressed,
you give a little on the side.

That's good relationship 101.
-The heart wants what the heart wants.

Are you kidding me? "The heart wants"?
The heart's a pump... a piston.

You wanna ruin what you
because of a pump?

"The heart wants," he tells me.
-What can I do? "-"What can I do?"

Call that Maor and tell him: "No can do.
Bygones, it's over." -Her. -"her"?

Call her.
-Call her what?

Maor, she's a woman.

"Her", not "him".

A woman!

"Tonight's the night,
great joy tonight"

A woman! Thank you, God,
the kid wants a woman!

can't believe it!
I thought that you're... -So did

I still do, but what can I do?

I met Maor at school

and something about her
touched my heart.

But you're right, what's the heart?

The heart's a pump. -That's...
-I'm getting married in two months,

I have to end it. -Nonsense,
nonsense, what's the... no...

I... listen,

I meant the heart is a pump
in the health sense.

The medical sense. All the...
metabolism and circulation...

those disgusting things,
but in terms of love, that's something else.

You have... a woman here

who... did something to you.

You have to go for it.
You have to.

Why are you being like this, Mom?
-Like what?

Why are you acting this way?
Because she's a woman?

That's not nice, Treasure.
You're insulting me, you are.

Now you're insulting me.
Be with a man, be with a woman,

be with a woman
who makes you feel good.

Treasure, I just don't want you
to make the mistake of your life.

Listen, this is hard for me too.

Yolanda.

Maybe now it will work.

Come on, Yolanda!

Yolanda!

Is there a technician in the supermarket?!
A cleaning machine technician?!

So, Yolanda stopped working
this morning.

I can't say that I'm surprised
or sad.

Yolanda... -Stop.

Ramzi, be a man.

Well then.
-Yes, Doctor?

Tell me the truth
and nothing but the truth.

There are two options.
One is flushing.

Ah. Of course...

Sodium hydroxide in the pipes.
-Yes, and then... -It opens clogged pipes.

And then...
-You wait.

Yes. -2-3 days to see
how it responds,

sometimes it works.
-Sometimes it doesn't.

Option B?
-Paint it blue and toss it in the sea.

Does that help?

Ramzi, it means that's it, kaput.
-Hear O Israel!

Higher ranking technicians than you
tried to eulogize her, pal.

We will fight for Yolanda
until the last drop of grease.

A, flushing, final answer.

Flushing it is.

I'll go get the formula
from my trunk.

any case,

I'll get you a replacement
until treatment has ended.

Yolanda cannot be replaced,
my dear sir.

Should I get it? -Sure.
No replacement. -Yes, get it.

No fear.
Just bring the replacement.

David, bring replacement.

The body is still warm.
get you a mop.

Shira, you'll love the replacement.

This is the polish-extra shine-
smart-cleaner.

That's a lot of husbands, huh?

No, all the names...

This machine is a dream.

Look what I got you.

"Issachar Bounty"

Three horsepower,
six scrubbing brushes,

19 inch each,

goes from 0-8 kms in a second,
doesn't make a sound.

Those are accessories.
I can tell from here.

As if.

Can I have a spin?

Mom. -Oh.

Treasure, come to Mommy.

What's up?
-I talked to Gon. -Okay, okay.

I told him everything. -And?

We called off the wedding.
-Oy, Treasure!

I didn't sleep all week.

I don't know if I made
the right choice.

Of course you did, you did
what's right for me. For us. For all of us.

When will I meet the princess?
-Well, she's in the car, Mom.

She's waiting for me.
-Are you serious?!

She brought me here.
-No way! Let me see her!

Already? Isn't it weird?
-What...? -I mean...

Treasure, it's so natural.
-Okay, wait.

Maor!

Maor!

Mommykins, Maor.
Maor, Mom.

I have to hug her.
First, a hug.

Nice to meet you.

What a gal.
Wow. Wow! Wow.

In what respect?
-Everything!

Everything about her is wow.
I haven't seen a woman like that

in my life, I'm telling you,
and I've seen women.

What captivated you about her?
-She's this...

how can I explain it?
She has this...

It's funny, because... it's more
about what she isn't than what she is.

You look at her and instantly see
that she's, you know...

Not a man? -Yes.

You're Kohava, right?

Forget "Kohava", from now on call me "Mom",
I'm your mother. -Alright, Mom.

Look, you're like a heart,
you're like a painting.

What an angel,
look how she's touching...

I'm so..

Mom, stop,
what are you doing?

Going out? Hanging out? Dating?

Getting married?
-Mom!

Don't start.

Let's eat somewhere,
get to know one another better.

Sure. But first I want to say hi
to a relative of mine,

she works here too. -Ah.
-What? I don't believe it,

you have a relative here?
Who's the relative?

Maori!!

Wow!

Steinbuch! Steinbuch!

The coolest and smartest family!
What? What? Boing!

You should see our grandfather doing it.

Steinbuch?!

My Treasure?!
With Steinbuch?!

"Welcome to the
Treasure Shavit Steinbuch home"?!

What is it? -I'm fine.

How are you related, if I may ask?
-Of course you may ask.

Maor's grandfather
and my father are brothers,

which means I've known this monster
since she was... a puppy,

since she was "Daddy, Daddy..."
-And you always made me...

Pita pizza. -Pita pizza.
-I was a round child.

She grew up on me,
she grew up on me. -Right.

Deep breath. Calm down.
I'm calming down. Get a grip!

So she's Shira's relative,
that doesn't mean she's a downer like her.

Maybe she has different genes.

Remember the family trip
to the Dead Sea?

I mean, you were tiny. -Wow.
-You remember?! -Of course.

We were at the Dead Sea,
her family and my family.

Hold on.

Bless you. -Get it all out, sweetie.
Get it all out.

Shira and I were in the same room.
I'm not sure...

Okay, fine, I'm sorry
I have to ruin all the fun

and kidding aside,
Kohava Shavit, get back to work,

and you and I...
will schmooze. -Schmooze.

Steinbuch!

What is it Grandpa does?
-Like this. -Right.

Because he doesn't have.
-He lost his... in the war...

Kohava, you are a dear woman
and you raised an exceptional son.

You deserve...
-Don't say it.

What? I just wanted to say
that you deserve... -It's alright,

I know exactly what I deserve.

A big chapeau for Treasure.
A huge chapeau.

Chapeau.

No!!!

"Issachar Bounty..."

Ramzi!

I knew it.
Here you are.

Could you do me a favor?

Can you bring
the "smart cleaner" in here?

Daisy left it in the produce aisle.
-Why me?

I have no desire to ride another.
Thank you.

Alright, then I'll ask Anatoly.

Even though
we know how Anatoly drives.

I fear he'll go to the parking lot
and... I don't know,

perish the thought,
hurt Yolanda or something.

Oh.

It's for Yolanda's safety?
-Only, only for Yolanda's safety.

If that's the case, of course.

'll do it in a flash.

Wow.

You're all whistles and bells.
"Smart cleaner" my foot.

What, it won't go?
You're on neutral.

Go.

Uh... Big Boss, there's a problem.
-What's the problem, Ramzi?

It's the new machine,
it obstructs the aisle.

So Naomi will come back soon
and move it. -"Soon"?

Soon is not enough.
It's creating a traffic hazard.

Alright, Ramzi, it's just for a second,
people can pass from here.

Yes, but what if Mrs. Ferera comes?
You know she swells after the holidays.

Ramzi, if you want to move the machine,
just move it. -What? Me?

No way. No way.

I meant that if you want to,
then I'll do it. -Me?

I... -Alright, fine,
I accept your insistence.

I'll move Stacy.
No need to get mad, Bossga.

Stacy?

I think you made a mistake,
calling off the wedding with Gon.

What? Mom, you said
it's a mistake to get married.

And you took it to mean
it should be called off?

There's tons of things you do before that.

You yell, threaten,
I dunno, change the person.

Mom, you're driving me nuts.
Why the 180? Don't you like Maor?

What reason would I have
not to like her?

Wow, Noy!
Good job cleaning your checkout,

a huge chapeau.
-Thanks, Shira.

Listen, sweetheart.

You just got into
this dating women thing.

When you go
to the vegetable market,

do you buy from the first stall you see?

You grope the annonas,
you stroke the guavas,

then you say: "Lucky I didn't go
for the first annona I saw."

The first annona is always pale,
mealy, rotten.

Mom, I don't want another woman,
I want Maor. -If that's how you feel,

I won't stop you.

Every mother has that moment
when she understands

there's nothing she can do,

she has to let her child
make his own mistakes.

That moment hasn't come for me yet.

Yes, Kohava, how can I help?
-I don't know, Shira, I'm... you know,

very excited. -Why?
-I mean, my Treasure and your Maor.

Yes.

Wow, she's so lovely.
I can tell you influenced her.

I don't know
if I'd take all the credit

for that little monster. I mean,
she does have parents,

they deserve a chapeau too.
But I did influence her,

so maybe I do deserve a chapeau,
a mini chapeau. A tiny chapeau.

Sure, you deserve a big chapeau.
-Maybe. -A huge chapeau,

an immense chapeau.
You deserve a... bombo combo chapeau,

and what excites me the most
of all this... chapeau,

is that from now on you and I...
are family. -Kohava...

You won't only see me at work,
you'll see me after work.

You know how it is.
At work, Kohava.

At weddings, Kohava.

At funerals, Kohava.

At circumcisions, I don't usually attend,
for you I'll be there.

We'll have Friday night dinners,

share laughs together,
the way we imitate one another.

I never imitate you, Kohava.
-Then I'll just imitate you.

I'll show the pictures
I took of you in the storeroom,

falling asleep on the sack of yams.

You have a picture of me
sleeping on a sack of yams?

Yes, you want to see?

No, you know what?
We'll save it for Friday.

"Issachar Bounty"

The moment of truth, are you ready?

I'm sorry, I...
I know how close you were...

You did what you could.

David, let's take it,
the scrap yard is still open.

Hold on, wait.
May I have a moment to say goodbye?

After all.

Yes.

David, come.

Could you...?

Thank you.

Thank you for everything, Yolanda.

Regards to Manuel the sprayer.

See you on the other side.

Oh my!

Oh my!

Yolanda...

Understand...

it's for the supermarket.

"Yolanda 2002-2021
She died that we may polish and wax"

Yes, it's not easy.

You know, Ramzi,
I think I'll miss her too,

especially the noise she used to make.

Somehow it became...
the soundtrack of the supermarket.

Even Avihai asked
that we keep the replacement,

regardless of Yolanda,
so we have two, but...

I guess Yolanda had plans of her own.

You were going to keep Stacy
regardless of Yolanda? -Yes.

Excuse me a second.

Yolanda!

Mommykins.
-Treasure.

She left me.
-What?!

Who, Maor?! No way!
Where did that come from?

You think it was easy
doing that to the kid?

It was very easy.
Not just easy, big easy.

Huge easy. Immense easy!
Bombo combo easy!

She said that someone
whose opinion she respects

caused her to rethink the whole thing.

The nerve of some people,
butting into someone else's business.

She told her it's not smart
to get into something

with a guy who cheated on his partner
two months before the wedding,

that it indicates he has more flaws,

like, exploitation, deceptiveness,
laziness, egocentricity... -Okay, got it.

Inability to... -I got you.
What are you going to do now?

Mommykins!

What?! No way.
Gon-gon!

How's it going? -You're back.
-Kohi, did you even doubt it?

Get into the spa.
-But this time I'm paying, Gon-gon.

Oh, please.
-No, I'm paying you.

This won't do, I feel bad.

Okay. Hold your hair, love.

He's a true artist.
"Like a bird in captivity

"I shut myself in between white walls.

"If only I'd known..."
What a song.

"To mark my path of escape

"From the prayer I collapse...

"Unto my wild dream

"Be my king

"And break my thirst..

"From the prayer I collapse..."

Modulation!
-Wo ho, wo ho.

"Unto my wild dream..."

With the shoulder!

"Be my king

"And break my thirst"

"With a kiss