Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Kuku VeKuku - full transcript

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"One Bun, Two Bun"

Hey, knock knock.

"Indet Walachu".

"Inideminechu".

"Inideminechu".
-Good morning. -Good morning.

And this morning is extra good
because... of this.

"Lend the Employee a Hand"

"Lend the Employee a Hand"?
-Open it.

"Get your high school diploma,
anyone can"? -Yes.

Including up close support
all the way to the coveted diploma.



Thank you, but... -No, no, no.
I won't take a "no", Esti,

because it's yours,
you deserve it, you earned it.

I understand, but...
-I guess you don't,

because I won't take "no."
Stop, off, confirm. That's it. It's yours.

Esti, I believe in you, girl.

No one was born a cashier.
Or a cleaner.

You don't come out
of your mother's womb with...

a broom and a dustpan.

Ramzi, perhaps...

Anyway, last month,
my grooming focused on Yaakov,

the magical, devoted,
loyal warehouse employee

for whom I fought tooth and nail
to get certified as a forklift operator

and now, it's Merenesh's turn.

Who?
—Esti's birth name.



(Amharic) This one's a moron.
I have a 94 average.

(Amharic) I'm about to get
my university degree.

(Amharic) You know she's an idiot.
-Yep.

Forgive me, I just love your language,
it has a special ring to it.

It sounds as if you're singing.
-(Amharic) Idiot. -You're welcome.

There are two types of racists.
The bad kind, that tell you to your face:

"Darkie, go back to Africa."

I'm cool with them, I get it.
No brain, no worries.

Then there's the real bad racists.
-The "Wraths."

"Wraths"? Is that in Amharic?
-Hebrew.

It stands for
"White racists who try too hard."

You know, racists on the down low.
Wraths. -Wraths.

October 3rd,
put it next to its generation.

September 30th? How did you worm
your way in, you sneaky carton of milk?

Another September 30th.
-Yes, a problematic cycle.

Ramzi Abed Ramzi?
-"Who goes there?"

Nice to meet you, I'm Effi,
VP HR of "Issachar Bounty."

The legendary Effi Rapaport?

Wow, you look just as I imagined,
only without the crown.

Offer him something to drink
instead of standing there like a jerk.

No need, I'm in a rush as it is.

Just one question.
-Enlighten me with your words.

You may not know this,
but we're opening a new supermarket.

Yes, strictly kosher,
next to "Cheap Stock." -Yes,

you may be right, yes.
Anyways, before We open,

we're looking for outstanding employees
to help train the staff.

Wow, we have
many outstanding employees.

We have Daisy
"the human sprayer" Neverson,

we have Nissim the butcher
who makes extra thin schnitzels

you can slide under a door, we have...
-Actually, we were thinking of you, Ramzi.

Please repeat. -You.

You're dedicated, you've been with us
a long time, you'd be perfect.

We'd like you to come for an interview.

Me? Lil ole Ramzi from Jisr?

Train employees
for the new supermarket?

No, truly, if this is a dream,
I have to wake up now.

And if it's not a dream, I have to go
to the bathroom so I don't get up all soaked.

Ramzi, I... Are you with me?
-Forgive me, I... I’m with you.

I'll come back on Thursday at two
and we'll do the interview?

Yes, Commander Effi.
-Thank you.

Dismissed.
-Thank you.

I want to take advantage
of this distinguished platform

to thank the people
who brought me this far.

Thank you, Mother and Father,
Grandma Harira, Grandma Mujda,

thank you to my siblings,
in random order,

Walid, Luna, Suha, Taufik,
Faruk, Salim, Jamal, Kusai and Munas.

I want to thank Tabuleh,
my little Tabuleh,

who I am sure is proud of me this day.
To my neighbors, the Abu-Atef family.

Thank you, Max, the dog.

My midwife Hana, my wet nurse Hiba,
my kindergarten teacher Hanin,

to the drivers of bus 958,

Moti, Itzik, Mustafa, Vardit.

This achievement is yours as well.

"Issachar Bounty"

What? -Huh?
-What's going on?

No way!

Psychology at Ben Gurion University?
Damn! You rule, champ!

You're the man!

What?

It's what you wanted, isn't it?
-Yes. -Then why the Steinbuch face?

I can't leave the forklift course.
-You can't?! Who's asking them?

I committed to one year.
If I leave before, I have to pay a fine.

Some 10,000 shekels.
-Whoa... Bummer.

Hold on, what if they fire you?

"Issachar-Bounty"

"Issachar-Bounty"

Seriously? What's with this mess?
Fleishman!

What's going on here?
-What's going on here?

Your forklift operator is 4 hours late,
that's what. -Yaakov? -Yes.

Well, I'm sure he has a good reason.
-A good reason?

Yesterday he bailed 3 hours early,
today he didn't show up. -Fine.

Ain't that something, you found yourself
a sucker. -Fleishman...

Good morning.
-Morning.

Indenamaderk.
-What? Indena...?

It's noon, why "good morning"?

Is everything alright, Yaakov?
-Fine and dandy, why?

Because you're 4 hours late.
-Oh... I didn't wake up.

"I didn't wake up"?
-Fleishman, you want an inquiry committee?

If he says he didn't wake up,
then he had a rough night

or he has a good enough reason.
What counts is you're here, Yaakov.

Shall we start the day?
Put on your uniform?

At your convenience, then forklift...
-A coffee, cigarette, and I'm coming.

Pleasant day.
Melkam ken!

One of the things that enchants me most
about the Ethiopian people

is their inner serenity.

It's this inner, inherent calm that is...

so lacking in the West.
Hakuna matata.

Okay, fine.
Fleishman, make an order in here,

when Yaakov is done he'll join you.

Hey, where are you going?
-To make me a coffee.

But you drank coffee one hour ago.
Get back here. There's work to be done.

Guys, guys, really...

today we'll discuss
this cat on my head.

Everyone tell me one item to maintain
and then items to babble about.

Stop, off, confirm.
Anatoly Kirilenko and Nissim Shimoni,

what did I say about playing soccer
at the meat counter?

Do Anatoly pissed off.
-Tak, Nissim, cool it,

don't tell Anatoly what to do!
I know what I do!

Excuses in the toilet, damn, so rude!
-That's not like me at all.

That's not like me at all.

Wait, wait! I got it!
Do Shira devoured by a shark.

Guys, guys, okay. Ah...
shark, shark, no, no, no...

Center, center.
No, no, no, no, no...

No, no, no...
Mr. Shark, don't eat my head,

I'm Shira Steinbach, I need my head,
how will I bite people's heads off?

And by the way...

Fleishman, that's so out of line.
-Kohava, spare me.

I'm sorry, I didn't...
-No, no, no...

you're not sorry.

You're not sorry at all, you know why?
Because your time is up.

Just take your stuff and go!
-Sh...Sh... -Not funny?

Ha ha ha, not funny? -I...
-FIRED!

Bye.
-It was funny.

This is your chance. -What?
-Imitate her. -What's that?

You saw how it freaks her out.

She catches you, you're fired for sure.
-I don't know how to imitate her.

So what, pay a 10,000 fine?

I want to have a sharing session
on what happened to Fleishman.

First of all,
I don't sound like that at all!

No, no, no, no, no...
Stop, off, confirm.

Center. Center!
What is a manager after all?

Hm? I have no idea.

I just like saying it.

Yaakov Malasa?

Finally some action.

Shira, I didn't mean to...

No... I mean, no "Shira."

You'll grab your stuff now

and get your ass to the storeroom
to replace Fleishman. There.

Now do you get it?
-The storeroom? -The storeroom.

Okay, guys, playtime is over,
get back to work.

To the storeroom? -Now!

I disgraced your honor
in front of everyone!

Shira,
you can't let me off the hook.

Yaakov, stop, it's done.
Just get back to work!

You fired Fleishman
for exactly the same thing!

Fleishman is Fleishman
and you are you! -I am me?!

Is it because I'm black?

What?!

No way! -Don't say "no way."
You're not firing me because I'm black.

You're a racist.

That is... Yaakov, how can you say that?
On the contrary.

I'm not a racist,
so I'm not firing you.

You're not a racist?
You're the mother of all racists!

Excuse me, what's going on?
-Uh...

An employee and I are talking,
exchanging views

and now we're reaching an understanding.
-No understanding.

'She's a racist, as clear as day.
RACIST! -Yaakov!

How can you say that about me?
I sent you to forklift operator class.

Forkliftist!

You know what?
pay this fine of yours

and I quit!
Thank you, nice weekend.

Hey!
"Thank you, nice weekend" is mine!

Yes, 'coz that really matters now.
-Why did he say that?

I'm sorry! "Yikirita"!
Please forgive me, "yikirita"

Ready, Mr. Ramzi? -I don't know, I...
I'm afraid it's too much.

Two days left
to the interview with Mr. Effi

and I haven't decided what to wear.

After all, the outfit is man's packaging

and the packaging must be perfect
and worthy of the product.

Mr. Ramzi, are you coming out?
-You promise you won’t laugh?

I promise.

Well?

Trying too hard, huh? I knew it.

But it's like the shirt you wore before
and the one before-before. -What?

The one before was blood burgundy,
this is blood orange burgundy.

No, no, it's so not me!
It's so show off.

As if, here am I,
like I'm some big shot.

No good at all,
let's try something else.

Huh? What do you think?

I knew it, no good,
I can tell by your look.

How about this one?
I think I found the shirt.

Perfect', right?
Wow, it's just the right color.

It has a stain!
I finally found...

I finally found a shirt
and it has a stain!

This one or this one?

No logo on this one.
No logo!

Well?
-Looks great, Mr. Ramzi.

You can't say "great" or "excellent"
about each one. I need honest feedback.

Alright? Next time, honest feedback.
Honest. Honest.

Well then... you all have memos.

You must be wondering
why I convened this sharing session.

So I'll tell you.

This is a sharing session about racism.

An actual incident all witnessed -

Yesterday, towards evening,
one of the employees called me,

in front of everyone,

a word that I can't repeat because...
-Racist, he called you a racist.

Right. Yes, that's what he said
about me. Thank you, Kohava.

First of all, before we go on,
I want to say that I am net

First of all, before we go on,
I want to say that I am not

that word that Kohava said.
-A racist. -That word, I am not.

Sweetie, it's all good, you're the only one
that took it so hard, let's move on.

Thank you, Nissim,
that means a lot to me.

You want to be a racist, be one,
we live in a democracy. -No,

no, no, no, Nissim, no!
That's why I convened this session.

I am not a...
-Everyone's a bit racist.

am not a racist.

You know what?
'll prove it to you.

But answer fast, be honest,
don't think. -Well?

A jar of tahini with Arabic writing only,
do you buy it? -Of course.

Medicine?

You thought, you're a racist.

Okay, fine. No, no, no, no, Kohava...

Kohava. -What?
-Where is that from? -What?

"What?" Those wafers,
I had the exact same wafers in my drawer.

Are you calling me a thief?
And during a session on racism?

And your point is? -My point?
I'm Romanian, does that make me a thief?

Shameful.
-No, no, no, excuse me, no.

That's not what I said.
-Nissim, isn't that what she said?

That's what I heard.
-Nissim said it, not me.

Kohava, that's ridiculous.

I didn't even know you're Romanian,
with all due respect.

Nissim said,
so Nissim didn't understand me.

Nissim, you didn't understand.
-Excuse me? -What?

Now Nissim didn't understand?
Why? Because Aleppos are morons?

What?! -And in a session on racism!
That's what bums me up! -What?!

Disgraceful. -Kohava!
No, no, no.

That's not what I meant at all,
I respect Aleppo Jewry. -So?!

Oh, please. Anatoly Kirilenko,
you were here and heard it all,

did I say something racist?
No. All the Moldovans are rats,

Ms. Privilege. -Unbelievable.
-Cut it out with the racism!

I... -Enough!
-No, I... -It's very unpleasant.

You're lesbiphobic! -Me?!
-So unpleasant! -I'm not racist!

Keep saying it, maybe you'll believe it.
-I am not a racist!

I am not a racist!
-Good thing Esti took the day off.

Are you even Romanian?
-So not. Why, you from Aleppo?

Don't know what that is.

What matters is we broached the issue
and put the "racist" incident behind us.

"Don't tell me 'coz it hurts
oh no, don't speak

"I know what you saying..."

Hello.
-Hello. -Hello.

This is Eran from the "Yavne Voice."
-Hi, Eran.

I assume you know why I'm calling.

I assume it's for the column -
"Locals who made it big time"?

No.

I got a call from a customer
who reported a grave racist incident

at your supermarket

and I wanted your comment
before the column goes to print.

Uh... this isn't Shira,
this is her secretary,

I'll put you through to Ms. Steinbuch.
Alright? Please... hold.

"Issachar Bounty...
Price is cheap, customer is precious."

Okay, so after yesterday's shift
I spoke to that Eran from "Yavne Voice"

and I convinced him to come here
before he prints the article,

I'll give him a personal tour and he'll see
that there is not a grain of racism.

Excuse me.

Oh, here you go.

A new security guard I hired -
Avram.

Is that the choice of a racist manager?
I don't think so.

Because I don't care who works here,
whether they're... Ethiopian or regular.

Not that Ethiopian isn't a regular person,
on the contrary... Excuse me.

Avram. Yes, my dear.
I'm coming.

Sure, don't move.

I'll come to you, you don't have
to look by yourself. Not that you can't.

Oh, hello! -Hello.
-I'm Shira Steinbuch,

nice to meet you,
I'm the manager.

It's great to have you here.

You're a tiny bit early, but that's fine,
you can start your shift.

This is your uniform.
This is the magnetometer.

The thing is... -Excuse me,
questions at the end, if you don't mind.

So, you sit here,
the shift isn't that complex,

customers enter, you check their bags
and what is it we say?

Smile the shift.
"Zem bay dadev".

Another thing,
a reporter is coming from "Yavne Voice,"

he's doing an item on me,
I'll give him a tour, whatever.

If you don't mind
putting in a good word for me

regarding how I treated you.
Only if it doesn't make you feel awkward.

Hello. -Hello.
Are you Shira? -Shi-RA.

I'm Avram, we talked on the phone.
-Avram? -Avram, the security guard.

Hold on, if you're the security guard,
then you're... -Eran.

Eran Yaron, "Yavne Voice."

Go change and start your...
shift.

When we talked on the phone,
you sounded... more... not...

this, that, the other...
what's the difference?

Eran.

Eran! I read so much stuff,
I never thought that...

I don't know why I never...
thought... imagined...

I guess because...
That's what you say, that you keep...

thinking your mind...

Wait here, I'll be right back.
Ramzi!

Ramzi!

"Issachar Bounty"

Okay, Daisy.

It's the moment of truth
before the moment of truth.

We will conduct a simulation
of the interview.

You will portray Effi,
I will portray Ramzi, obviously.

These are the questions,
I translated them to Congolese.

Ready? -Yes.
-And action!

Oh, hello, Mr. Effi.

If I may, you look wonderful this morning.
-Thank you, Mr. Ramzi.

Okay, this isn't working. -What?
-I'm not convinced that you're Effi.

You don't convey Effi at all.

What's the point
of this stupid simulation?

Well?

Oh yes. I can work with this.
Totally an Effi vibe.

Not the same aura,
but what can you do?

Wait, final, small touch.

Voila! -Oy.
-What, slight dizziness?

That's okay, use it for the character.

Okay? Let's do this.
Dear Mr. Effi, please sit here.

"Issachar Bounty"

I thought that Avram the security guard
was Eran the reporter

and that Eran the reporter
was Avram the security guard.

Eran the reporter came here
so I could prove to him that I'm not a racist.

What do I do now?
How do I get out of this bind?

I can't.
I can't get out of this bind.

Shira, head up.

Shira, listen to me.

Never has there been a bind
that a woman can't get out of. -Huh?

Just last week I persuaded a cop
not to give me a ticket

after I drove against traffic,
jumped a curb

and ran over three people,
including him.

And he didn't give you a ticket?
-That's right. -How did you do it?

Let's just say
I pulled out the big guns.

What does that mean?
-I revved the engines.

I don't understand.
-I sharpened the shelves.

Kohava, what does that mean?!

I released the tiger.

What?

No.

No, Kohava, Kohava, not me.

You listen to me "Wrath."

Tomorrow your face will appear
in every mailbox in Yavne

under the headline:
"The racist manager."

And they never use flattering photos
for those articles, believe me.

So if you want to save
your privileged ass, call him.

Call him.

Take him to the bulk items storeroom.
Cornflakes absorb noises.

Trust me.

Hello?

Eran?

I need you a sec,
can you come to the storeroom?

Okay... thank you.

"Issachar Bounty"

Guess who. -Who?

Someone who will do anything
to get you to drop that stupid article,

you know what I mean.

Shira?

What happened?

I thought that...

not because...
obviously not because.

Because you have these...
and you have these...

and both of you... are black...
in the clothes! The clothes!

Black clothes and a bun.
Well! Two buns!

A bun and a bun,
what would you think?

Hasn't that happened to you?
Hasn't that happened to you?!

Even with curls...

You know how many times I..

So do I get up and say?
No!

Daisy.

I made a mistake!

Well? -Well what?
-"Well what?"

How did the interview go?

For the new job.
-Oh, that.

I didn't go in the end.
Don't ask how lucky I was.

I discovered at the last minute
that the frontal interview

is with the supermarket manager,
Mrs. Lydia Lapidot, not Mr. Effi.

Okay.
-What "okay"?

I had prepared for Effi,
I practiced for Effi.

Lydia requires different preparation,
with all due respect.

I will not make a fool of myself.

So I scheduled with Lydia
in two weeks

so I can do the proper simulations
with Daisy.

Speak of the devil. Come over here.
Come. Don't be shy.

Mrs. Daisy Lydia Neverson Lapidot.

Big Boss, there's another issue
we didn't discuss.

Perfecto, perfecto.

Shira, that dingbat, I just went
to "Levi Bliss" to nap in the container bin,

to talk to Grandma Khanam.

Don't be insulted, Nissim, we're
kidding around, big deal. -I'm not insulted.

Don't be insulted, Nissim,
we're kidding around, big deal.

Wow, that's totally Kohava!

Amnon, you listen to me,
you son of a thousand mammoths.

If you don't pay for that yogurt
and get out of my face,

I'll drown you in your tomato juice,
you hear me?

Closed, Lady, closed,
this checkout is closed.

"To: Shira the birdbrain -
Can you come to the employee room?:

Esti, girl, what d'you want now?