Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 19 - Hannukah - full transcript

"We celebrate with hymn and praise
Festive candles we celebrate

"We celebrate with hymn and praise
Festive candles we celebrate"

"Greeks gathered to attack
in the days of Hasmoneans

"They demolished towers
and polluted the oils

"From the last flask
a miracle was wrought

"Men of wisdom decreed eight days
for hymns and praise."

Bravo, Ramzi.

"Bare Your holy arm
Hasten the end for salvation

"Avenge Your servants' bloods
from the wicked nation..."

Happy holiday, good man.

"For triumph is delayed
There is no end to days of evil...



No way, you made that up.
-"Repel the Red One..."

Where to, Nissim?
-Someone's here to see the car.

"In the nethermost shadow
Establish the seven shepherds.

Ramzi. -"The days of Hanukkah..."
-Do it again. It's for Masha.

I love all the holidays,
to each its customs,

but Hanukkah is in the top two.

On the one hand, it's long.
"The oil lasted for eight days."

On the other hand,
there are no days off.

No holiday eve, no second eve.

It's eight days au natural.
No stops, no breaks,

no "one commercial and we're back."

To me,
that's the true miracle of Hanukkah.

Checkout

The kippah looks good on him, huh?
-So handsome. -Thank you.



I used to put on tefillin
for many, many years,

until I met...
-Mosh Weiss Stratiner!

Take that off your head now.
Now!

Tell me, Sir, have you no shame?

Coming to a secular town,
brainwashing our children?

He's an adult.
-Here, Sir, have one.

Don't you dare, Mosh!

When I met Mosh,
he ate kosher and went to synagogue.

He even kissed mezuzahs.

But very quickly
I showed him the light.

I enlightened him.
I made him enlightened.

How would you feel
if I came to your town

and opened a prosciutto stand?
-What's prosciutto? -What's prosciutto?

You see how primitive, Mosh?
"What's prosciutto?"

My good man, tefillin.
-Five minutes. -Not interested.

Good for you!
You see?

No buyers for your archaic goods,
get out of our town.

Do you hear me or is my voice
an abomination because I'm a woman?

Lady, we don't have a problem with
your voice. -Because I can sing too.

"Down to exclusion in our town!
Down to exclusion in our town!"

You're ignoring me?

No problem.

Let's go, Mosh.

I leave you alone for five minutes,
five minutes! -They said it suits me.

Did you see that pagan display
outside the supermarket?

It's just a tefillin stand.
-"Just a tefillin stand"?

That's how it begins.
When will you wake up?

When we're forced to wear a burqa,
spit at women and drink blue soda?

May I offer you a donut, good man?
-I said I'm not interested.

How much does it cost?
-For you, just a smile.

A smile?

Give a smile, get a donut.
-For free?

A smile is worth millions, brother.

I give you a smile,
you give me a donut?

Just as smile?
-Just a smile.

Ah, with a smile like that,
who could ask for more?

You said it.

Can I have another one?
-Sure. -Be our guest.

Blessings.

"Issachar Bounty"

"Jingam bell, jingam bell..."

I give you a smile,
you give me a donut?

Happy holiday, righteous man.
-God bless.

Hold on.

Hello?
Yes, it's still for sale.

I decided to spoil my wife for Hanukkah.
I bought her a new car.

"New."
-To Mali it's new.

Now I have to sell the old one
and finito la Fiat Punto.

How's it going so far?

The mileage? Nothing.

930, 980,000.
-Peanuts.

You said you only drove it
to the supermarket and back.

The supermarket's a bit far.

There's peeled almonds,
my wife's favorite.

It's all downhill.
The car's like new from the wrapper.

So, what do you say?

Hello?

Damn, that's the tenth person
that copped out this week.

Forget selling the car,
the next person gets it for free.

What car?

-And you're selling it already?

You a moron like Anatoly now?
-Hey! -I'm not selling the new one,

the old one. -The green one?
Why didn't you tell me?

I want it. -Kohava,
it's a Fiat, not a Mercedes.

Not for me, for Sital, for university.
-Sital's in university?!

Did I sound too surprised?

Sital's in university?
-Almost every day.

Her boyfriend works there
as a security guard.

Oh, her boyfriend's
a security guard.

Sure, sweetie, it's yours.
-It is? -Of course,

you're like a sister to me,
and I know the car's in good hands.

You're my brother.

Shall we go see the beauty? -Let's.
-You clean the chickens. -I'm dying to.

What did you say?
Who creates forms of sustenance"?

You said it on the previous one,
it still applies.

I err on the side of caution. -Good man.
-So righteous. -More power to you.

What's so urgent?
-Quickly, quickly.

You?!
You joined this display of exclusion?!

Big deal!
A little Judaism never killed anyone.

You're so slow,
that's another one down!

Okay, then... hello.
Nice to meet you. I'm Shira..

Steinbuch. I'm the manager.

I want you to know
that I do support religion

and tradition... -Exclusion.
-Uh... yes.

But you're at the entrance
to a private business

and it could disturb the...
customers... -Not "could," it does.

If we move to the parking lot,
is that better? -Yes? You will?

That would be... No, no.
That's not good enough.

You have to... be...
outside this property.

Oh my... -Yes.

What do we do, Zevik?
-What can we do, Yoske?

Let's pack it in
and go to the mall in Beer Yaakov.

No, no, no
you ain't going nowhere!

This stand is staying put.

Amnon. Wow, I didn't know
that you're... -A Jew?

Yes, I'm a Jew. And you?
Are you even Jewish?

Excuse me? I don't want to brag,
but my great grandfather was a rabbi.

Oh yeah? -Rabbi Steinbuch.
-Don't know him. -No? Oh well.

What I'm trying to...

Shuni, will it really bother you
if they stand in the parking lot?

Bother me?
This is not about me.

It's the nature of the town
that's in the balance here.

You must decide
if you're fighting exclusion

or if you're part of it.

You see?
And on Hanukkah no less.

That's what pains me.

How are you different than Antiochus?
-Exclusion! -No, I'm sorry...

Antiochus! -Exclusion! -No!
-Antiochus! -Don't call me that!

You have to be brave,
not a doormat. -Right.

Anti-Semite! Antiochus!
-That doesn't mean...

You must resist this.
... -You're a weakling

Go, go snitch to the teacher.

When I'm done with you,
even God won't help you.

Happy holiday.
-Happy holiday! -Mosh!

Wow wow.
-You're some righteous man.

That was ferocious
-For the sanctity of

Some things are worth fighting for!
-Totally. -Do I get another donut?

After the tefillin?
-Oh, sure. -Good man.

Save the butterscotch for me.
-Sure, brother, sure.

Let's put it on properly.
Put the donut in the other hand.

I wish all Jews were like you.

Memories... I forgot what it's like,
the last time I was 13.

You haven't put on tefillin
since your Bar Mitzvah?

Tefillin? A donut.
I forgot how tasty it is.

With the powdered sugar on top.
-Not one donut since you were 13?

For health reasons?
-You could say that.

The price. It makes me sick.
It's 6.5 times more than a pita.

So every Hanukkah Mom makes me
half a pita with jam,

30 seconds in the micro.
It swells.

What?
In the stomach it's all the same.

"Issachar Bounty"

This is the little lady.
This is the key. Congrats.

Is this the original color?

How many owners?
-You're the fifth.

An accident, huh.
-No, a scrape in the parking lot.

There, all gone.

May I ask why you're selling it?
-I told you, I got Mali a new car.

Pop the hood, please.
I want to take a look.

Kohava, don't drive me nuts.
You want the car or not?

Sure I do, but this is serious business,
Nissim. It's not chewing gum.

I don't want to get home
and find I bought a pig in a poke.

A pig? Bought?
I'm giving it to you for free.

What?! No, are you crazy?
Insane? For free? No way!

Kohava, for free!

Nissim, give me gum for free,
I won't take it. -Are you crazy?!

You're like a sister to me,
I won't take your money.

Crazy man! I won't take it for free.
Name your price. -Alright then.

I said 3,000 to potential buyers.
I think 1,200 is a fair price.

For this olive tin? Shame on you!
You just said take it for free.

I'm still saying that. Take it.
-No... Nissim!

You're like a brother to me!

Okay, so half? 600?

Do I have a French accent
and I didn't know it?

Kohava, girl, don't drive me nuts.
How much do you want to pay?

Let's make it fair? -Well?
-200, final offer. -200 it is.

Not me, not you.

I have 50...

Take it.

70... together...

Hold on.

80. Gimme your hand.

There, 120.

Wallet's empty.

Kohava, sweetie,
I don't have room in my wallet...

No! Nissim!
-Okay, here. Congrats, enjoy.

Tomorrow we'll transfer title at
the post office. -Cool. Sital will be happy.

Ew, it's a bit dirty.

"Issachar Bounty"

Oh! Rabbi Amnon.
-Hey! -Hey!

No, it's alright.
-We thought you weren't coming.

Me miss putting on tefillin?

Me? -Righteous man.
-So righteous...

Where's the...

Happy holiday!
-Happy holiday.

Hopa hopa la la.

Hold on there, Amnon!
The blessing. -Of course.

"Blessed are you, God..." Amen.

Give the good man another one.
-No need for another blessing, right?

No. -No need!

Look who's here!
Who's in the driver seat now?

Kohava, don't get out.
Let's go transfer the title.

You and I are done.
-What's your problem?

What's my problem?
He calls himself a friend?

Selling out a friend
for a few measly shekels?

Shame on you!
-What are you talking about?

Don't play the innocent lamb with me.

You think I wouldn't find out
about the radio? -What radio?

"What radio?"
The radio flickers.

I bet you thought, that blonde chick
won't find out I scammed her!

How did I scam you, Kohava?
It's a '98, what do you want?

A surround system?
Be grateful you got a car for free!

For free?!
I paid a pretty penny for that car!

You paid 120 shekels...
-Excuse me, 120 is nothing?

I didn't say that.
-So I deserve a defective product?

Puncture the tires too!
Only 120, that entitles me to tires?

Okay, I got it.
-Where are you going?

To get a toolkit and fix the radio
so you'll get off my back!

Dude, I bet it's just loose wires.
That one, bustin' my balls...

There, you have a radio.
Can we go to the post office?

Hold on. -"Hold on"? It's fixed.
-I have to check it when I drive,

with the wind and all.
It's a whole different vibe.

Kohava, the post office will be closed.
-So? I have to open the windows,

close the windows,
open the roof... Does the roof open?

"The days of Hanukkah
with joy and laughter..."

"In our hand light and fire

"Each is a small light
Together a strong light

"Be gone darkness..."

"In honor of the miracles
God performed for the Maccabees...

You and I are done. -The radio doesn't work?
-The radio?!

You thought you'd distract me

What? -You're some actor. Man!
Where's the camera?

Film him. -An actor, Kohava?
Does it work or not?

Level 1 works, level 2 works, level 3 -
dead. Nada. Zilch. Zero!

I got it, I'll fix it,
tomorrow we'll transfer the title.

"Issachar Bounty"

Well, how' he a/c?

You and I are done.
-What now?

You think I wouldn't notice
that the headrest's broken?

I drove like this.

How am I gonna sit at the register?
-Okay, go already.

I can't breathe. -Fine.

"A little can, little can,
for eight days did it burn...

"Rejoice in your festival
Thou shalt be joyous..."

There, it's fixed.
Can we go to the post office?

Get out.

Who can recount?

"In every age a hero will rise
and redeem the people

"Hear!"

There, I oiled the ashtray.
Happy now? -Hey, hey, hey,

"Happy now?"
You're not doing me a favor.

You sell something, a guarantee is basic.
Move outta my way.

Where's Adva Dadon?! I want her
to come here and investigate you.

Fine, I'll change the defroster stripes.

I knew I shouldn't take her money!

She thinks she made a purchase
at a Mercedes agency.

Do I look like an importer?
It's a Punto for 120 shekels!

Next she'll want towing service
and a holiday gift.

The most cursed 120
I ever got in my life.

"Issachar Bounty"

No, I can't... I can't come.

I'm with my kid.

Daddy, look.
-Great, sweetie, you draw so well.

Where's Ofra?
She's having a colonoscopy.

Happy holiday, Avihai.
-Happy holiday, your mother.

The holiday killed me.

Don't get me wrong,
I love that kid. She's my life.

But I can't,
what's she got to do with me?

She keeps asking questions,
I have no patience for questions.

What do you mean?
-I said I have no patience

and you ask me more questions?
What are you, a friend of Riki?

Hang on.
Hello, Kukler, what?

I said I can't come! It's Hanukkah.
Who'll babysit the kid?

You want me to bring her
to the poker game?

Tie her outside to a pole
like some horse?

I'm telling you, there's no one else!

Come, sweetie,
maybe we'll find some markers.

Adeli!

How do you know my name?

How did you know her name?

How did I know?
I remember you...

I sound like an auntie
and I'm not, I'm so cool.

But I remember when you were...

A baby. -This is the manager,
do you remember her name?

Riki?

Shira.

my name isn't Riki, it's Shira.
My name... isn't Riki.

It's so great you're here.

Tell me, can I leave her here
for an hour or two?

I have some errands to run.
-Of course you can, no problem.

Adeli and I are palsy-walsy.
Gimme five!

I am crazy, crazy, crazy,
crazy, crazy about children.

There's no other way to put it.
Crazy about children.

Between high school and the army
I'd organize kiddie parties

and I'd portray "Cautious Shira."

You want me to sing the song?
-No need... -Okay,

"Red is stop, beep beep
"Green is go, beep beep

"Sticking to the rules is fun
Happy birthday, Yoav!"

Wow!

And this is a great opportunity
to score more points with Avihai.

I mean, it's time to discuss
a pay raise, if you get my drift.

Oh, a colorful heart, love.

Flowers. So beauti..

No, no.
this isn't happening to me.

What do I do now?
-What's the problem?

What's the problem?
Look at this drawing.

Look, a small figure,
a big, scary figure over it, ominous.

Big hands, big head, big mouth.
Teeth. Very gloomy colors.

You don't have to be
a mentoring course graduate

to see that this girl
experiences her father as menacing.

Wow. What will you do?
-I don't know.

On the one hand, it's Avihai,
not just a boss, he's a friend.

On the other hand,
this drawing says it all.

I can't overlook what I discovered.

"These candles we light

"for the miracles, the wonders..."

"For the free donuts!"

"Rock of ages
Crown this praise..."

Down to exclusion!
Down to exclusion!

Leave this town!
It's ours, not yours!

"Rock of ages..."
-This town is ours!

"Crown this praise..."
-This town is ours!

"Songs to You we raise."
-This town is ours!

Are you coming to the post office?

To send a letter to Haim Etgar
telling her you scammed me.

glove compartment only opens half way?

Where will I put my gloves?
-Okay, enough, gimme the keys.

Gimme the keys. -What?
-And here's your money.

I want the keys, the car, no deal.
-What's this? -Your 120.

This is my car, I want it back.

Take your money,
gimme the keys, okay?

What?
-120 for a car like this?

The a/c - is new.
The radio - is new.

The defroster stripes -
changed them yesterday.

With all due respect,
this car is worth a bit more.

Kohava. -Nissim. -Kohava.
-Nissim. -Kohava. -Nissim.

Take 200, get out of my face.

Pleasure doing business with you,
Mr. Shimoni.

..."My salvation"
-Down to exclusion!

"We praise You..."
-Get out of our town!

Down to exclusion!
-"Songs to You we raise..."

Down to exclusion!
-"Our will You strengthen..."

Oh! Thank you! Here!

The Maccabees have arrived
to drive away the Greeks!

Please vacate the area.
-Who? Us?

Are you a Maccabee or a Greek?
-I'm a police officer.

We have a warrant to vacate your stand.
-It's about time.

Too bad I had to go
all the way to the mayor.

Officer, we'll leave,
we don't want to be a nuisance.

This is what I think of your warrant!
-Amnon...

You bunch of Greeks!
-What are you doing, Amnon?

What Judah Maccabee would have done.
Revolt! What are you waiting for?

For them to destroy our home?
Cut off our beards?

If you don't vacate now,
we can do it by force.

You don't scare us, pal.

More wicked than you
have tried and failed!

You know why?
Because we have faith!

We will fight you to the last drop of blood.
All of us!

This is your last chance,
I'm counting to three.

One...

two...

three.

I won't move, Amalekite!
Tyrants! Tyrants! Amalekites!

Not the donuts!
Not the donuts!

Ow! Ow!
This is excessive! Excessive!

The town is ours and we won't let it go!
-Tyrants! Amalekites!

Where's the kid?
-Uh...

she's downstairs with Ramzi.
-Okay, thanks.

Wait, Avihai,
we want to talk to you.

No, I don't have time,
Adel's got a class. -No...

it's really important.
Come, sit down?

What's going on? Who are you?
-Hello, I'm Mira Uzinji,

I'm a social worker,
head of children's distress unit.

What unit?
What... what's going on?

Okay, everything's fine, Avihai.
Hey! It's just me.

We're trying to figure out
what's going on between you and Adel.

What is this? What do you want?

Look, Avihai. -Oy...

What your daughter drew
raises a lot of red flags.

Let's discuss what Adel drew here.

Adel?! I drew that!

Look, this is the supermarket,
this is me and this monster is you.

It's what I always draw. Look.

This is you, this is you,
this is you, this is you

and tomorrow I'll bring more, okay?

This is how you see me?
-What am I, da Vinski?

I was drawing with the kid and...

Wait, you thought
this ugly thing is me?

We didn't think that.
-What then? -Okay,

you have to take Adeli?
To a class?

So this is her? -Yes.

Why did you draw her
with a big head and big teeth?

Because she has a big head
and big teeth

and she chews my head all the time.

Is that why you drew yourself
so small and frightened? -Yes.

Uh... Shira, can you leave us alone?
I want to speak to Avihai.

"Issachar Bounty"

Oh, he's here,
the righteous man is here.

Rabbi Amnon! Welcome!
-Careful, careful.

"In those days and times

"Amnon the savior comes

"In the days of Israel

"Amnon is the redeemer."

Bless you, good man.
-That's enough.

I only did what any Jew would do.

Rabbi Amnon, thanks to you
it went all the way to the mayor,

he promised
that as long as he's mayor,

the stand will stay put.
-Bless you, fine man. -Ow...

Rabbi Amnon, recite the blessing of thanks.
The blessing of thanks.

They really socked it to you.
It's a miracle you're standing.

Let me get this for you.
-Easy, easy.

Wait, where's the...
-What, Rabbi Amnon?

The donuts?

What is it?
-Hanukkah is over.

We lit the 8th candle yesterday.
-So? -So the holiday's over.

"He gave oil for eight days."
-Who gave? No donuts? -No.

Then what do you hand out?
-Smiles.

Smiley cookies?

No. Real smiles.

God willing, on Purim
we'll hand out Hamantash pastry.

When's Purim?
-Uh... in 2.5 months? -More or less.

I have to wait 2.5 months
for those dry pastries?

Rabbi Amnon, is everything alright?
-No, nothing is alright.

You scammed me!
-Rabbi Amnon...

Don't "rabbi"
and don't "Amnon" me!

I gave my body for you!

I'm black and blue,
I look like Papa Smurf!

Get out of my town, scoundrels!

Scam innocent people somewhere else!

Exclusion!

Exclusion! Ow..

Exclusion!
Don't touch me! Exclusion!

Yesterday I discussed
a pay raise with Avihai.

How did it go?
-It was brief.

He gave me a drawing instead.

This is me asking for a pay raise

and this is him, answering me:

"Nooooo!!!!!!!!"

He drew a dollar sign,

even though I asked
for a raise in shekels.

He wrote "No" with five O's
and eight exclamation marks,

presumably to get his point across.