Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 17 - Shod VaShever - full transcript

"Bei mir bist du schon
Bei mir hos tu heyn...

"Bei mir bist du schon..."

Get in! Get in!

"Bei mir bist du schon...
-Good morning, stud.

"Bei mir..." You're hot too.
-We're both hot.

Oh, good morning.
Off we go.

So, Chibotero bought a car.

Not a Mercedes.
But we made a fair arrangement,

one morning he picks me up
and the next morning I work at night.

Where's your car? -I have a car.
No license. Double revocation.

I have to take five refresher courses
and do 100 hours of community service



before they'll let me
turn on the windshield wipers.

Okay. I bet you're exaggerating.

"Driving with invalid license,"
"Speeding at the Safari zoo,"

"Misuse of humidifier,"
"Assaulting an officer on duty,"

"Assaulting an officer in his home,"

"Vehicle inspection under the influence,"

"Attempt to run over an acrobat
at an intersection."

Yes, they're annoying.
But you know what?

Even if my license was valid,
there's benefits to coming with Chibotero.

Like what?

He attracts all the heat
and curls in the morning.

"Welcome to the best of supermarkets"

Chibotero! -What?
-How many times can I say it?

When you close up,
put the sign inside and then lock up.



Look at it.
-What? Nothing's wrong.

Kohava, do you see anything different?
-I see that this has been vandalized.

Did you sleep
with the door open at night?

"Checkout"

"Daylight Robbery"

The end of the day always feels
like an eternity. -Totally.

The last seven hours of a shift
go by so slow.

Enough is enough,
he's gotta go.

Alright, but he's been here
since the establishment of the state.

I have to replace him,
it's becoming dangerous.

Customers have commented
on the noises he makes. Alright?

I've made of my mind,
I'm replacing him.

He's out by next week,
I have no other choice.

Replace Chibotero?!

This time she's gone too far.
-Where's your compassion?!

A drop of humanity.
-She's evil.

The man gives his finest years
to the supermarket...

He gives his heart, his soul.

Just throw him away and get
on a crowded bus at 6 a.m.? -Totally.

What? Who are you talking about?
-Me. Who were you talking about?

Mosh, you're dragging your feet again.

I can still hear you.
And let's hurry up,

I have to finish the presentation
for Globaltech by tomorrow.

If it goes well,
they'll buy another 30 lectures.

What's this?

What's going on here?

This car is blocking us.

Oh, really, Sherlock?
Lucky you're here, I didn't notice.

The degenerate didn't even leave
a phone number,

he just blocked and walked away.
Some nerve.

Hey! Whose car is this?!

There's a small gap,
maybe with some effort...

With some effort? Why would I make
an effort for some thug? No way!

You're right.
-The nerve. -The nerve.

So uncivilized.
-Immensely uncivilized.

What?
-How about not reinforcing me?

I'm a strong woman,
I don't need your echo.

I don't envy this car owner,
we'll give him a what's what.

We? -Of course, who else? Mainly you,
you're the man. It's the man's role.

We'll show him good.
Oh yes, we'll show him good!

We'll show him good?
-I'm here!

I'm here, I'm sorry.
Everything's under control, I'm here. Sorry.

I'll have you know that...
this whole business...

of you blocking us with your car...
is not right. -I know, I'm sorry,

I just remembered the watermelon.
The kids would have killed me.

I'm sorry, bro.
-Oh... we didn't know.

Good luck, brother.
-Thanks.

You hear that? He...
forgot the watermelon and...

the kids would have killed him.
-"Good luck, brother"?

That's showing him what's what?

He said he's sorry.
-Oh, he said he's sorry?

And that cancels out
keeping us here like hostages?

Hostages?! That's going too far.
-I didn't go anywhere and you know why?

Because you blocked me,
you scoundrel! -Cool it, Lady!

Besides, I left a gap.
-Did you hear that, Mosh?

He left a gap. -He did leave a gap.
-No, I swear, you're psycho,

I just went for two minutes
to get watermelon. -Two minutes?

What if I was pregnant

and gave birth in the parking lot
because of your watermelon,

would you say:
"I just went for two minutes"?

Are you pregnant?
-None of your business!

That's all we need,
for someone like you to multiply.

And you allow him
to talk to your wife like this?

I'll have you know...

Yes?

It takes one to know one.

Fine.

Hello..

Go!

Alright, the code.
-Go! -The code!

"It takes one to know one"?

I meant to say... -Yes?
-That... -That what?

That...

A stranger attacks and threatens
your wife, humiliates her

and that's all you have to say?
"It takes one to know one"?

The meaning of that saying
is actually quite jagged.

Tell me, what kind of man are you
Mosh Weiss-Stratiner?

Or perhaps I got it wrong
and you're no man at all?

Of course I'm a man.

Okay, I've been humiliated enough
for one day, load the bags into the car

and take the cart back.

And don't drag your feet.

"Issachar Bounty"

What? Fire me?
Why and what for?

Go in.

You know, she thinks
you don't deliver the goods.

What's all that nonsense?

Go, go...

Yes, she says your time has come.
-That you're a dead duck.

You're washed out.

Your container is empty
and nothing comes out.

Press on it
and there's only pff pff pff...

I'm just foo foo foo foo?

I go foo foo foo
and nothing comes out?

Get in there already!
Can't you see we're talking?!

Maybe she's right.

What?

Maybe I'm not what I used to be.

Maybe it's time
to hang up the magnetometer,

take an early retirement.

No, no, no, hang what?
No magnetometer.

Chibotero, don't you dare.

Thanks to you
we can sleep soundly during a shift.

There's a reason they call you
"A one man police force."

Really?
-By the light that I breathe.

By all he holds dear.
"A one man police force"?

Yes, now we have to get Shira
to believe it.

Hold on.

It's like...

You know "The Police "?
-Kobi the policeman? The traffic cop?

We're friends. He interrogated me when
I ran over the acrobat at the intersection.

What Kobi? What acrobat?
The movie, "The Policeman."

Kobi Azoulay was in a movie?
Son of a thousand mammoths.

I knew it.
Who puts the phone on the sun visor?

Did you see the movie?
Be honest, how did I look?

Kohava, the movie,
the movie, "The Policeman."

With Shaike Ophir, from the 70s.

I saw it, it's new.

They want to fire him,
because he's a bad policeman.

What does that have to do with me?

Anyhoo, they fake a robbery,
he catches them,

becomes a hero,
they keep him on the force.

Nissim, are you a genius or what?
What do you think, Commissioner?

Now we just need someone
to pretend they're the robber.

Who's stupid enough
and gullible enough to agree?

How's it going, studs?

Really, how long does it take
to return a cart?

You're a man.

You're a man.

Of course you're a man.

You're one of a kind.
Sure.

I'll show him,
messing with a man like me.

Even though he did leave a gap.
Stop it. What are you, a wimp?

I can't believe it,
another one's blocking me.

Excuse me, Sir. -Are you leaving?
-No, I'm not, I want to...

Yifrah? Gabi Yifrah?

Shuni!

Hi, Shuni, how are you?

-Thank you. What an honor.

How are you Shuni?
-Good. How are you?

What are you doing here?
-Shopping, you know.

The CEO of Globaltech
has time to shop at noon?

I have an iron rule,
once a week I start late.

To clear the mind in all the chaos.

Of course, that's what I'll talk about
in my lecture tomorrow,

"The silence before the insight."
-Great.

I want you to give the employees tools
to open their minds. -Sure.

Get them motivated. -Absolutely.
-Drive them crazy.

You're a man,
you'll defend your wife.

What's this?

Pal, you're messing
with the wrong woman.

So they grab their heads
and say "What is this?"

You're messing
with the wrong woman, Sir.

If it goes well,
we'll buy another 30 lectures.

That woman has a man who protects her
and that man is me!

No, what are you doing?!
-Are you insane?!

What's with you?!
-I thought you blocked my wife's car.

Shuni, is this your husband?

Dilemma.

On the one hand,
Mosh is in real danger.

On the other hand,
Yifrah wants 30 lectures.

30 lectures or...
30 stitches in Mosh's face?

What can you do?
At times you must sacrifice for family.

I've never seen this man in my life.

This wasn't the case.

What?

Get out of my face!
-Ow! -Idiot.

Some people are so surreal.

Unbelievable.

Mosh, the way you pounced on him
to protect me, like a lion.

Yes? Does that... turn you on?
-I must say it does.

So... maybe tonight we can...
-Don't push it.

It was your birthday this month,
you got what you wanted.

"Issachar Bounty"

Auntie, hold this.

Auntie Paula, once a week
I help her shop, clean her apartment.

Very nice, Amnon.
I didn't know.

Tell us about her.

What can I say? Nice, bright,
third floor, 74 sqm.

Your aunt,
tell us about your aunt.

Oh, her? She's alright.
An aunt.

I hope she remembers everything I do for her
when she decides about the apartment.

I don't get it,
all this to inherit the apartment?

What? Of course not.
She has a Daihatsu Charade as well.

'98, in good condition,
80,000 kms, new gear shift.

I see. Then not as nice as I thought.
-"Not nice"?

The doctors gave her two months.

She's been stringing me along
for five years. Five years!

Every week, take her shopping,
bring her home...

Lady, they gave you two months!
Why so greedy?

Alright, Auntie.

Bravo.

Thank you.

Bravo! Bravo!

Thank you.

Oh.

Here you go.

Very nice, Auntie!

"We bring peace upon you..."

Bravo.

I'm done.

Alright.

He's done, Auntie.

You know, playing music
is my livelihood. -Of course.

obviously a professional.
Right, Auntie?

No, you misunderstood.

You watched, enjoyed,
it's customary to give money.

Give money?

Why give money?
And why are you jumping to conclusions?

"You enjoyed," enjoyed...
-Idiot. -Excuse me?

I didn't ask you to croon for me.

You know what? Here,
I'll do a street performance too.

Gimme money. Come on.

So you won't give money?

Auntie, we're going home.

"Issachar Bounty"

Friends, allow me to introduce
our accomplice to the mission -

Franco.
-Welcome aboard.

Where did you serve?
-Oh ho, oh ho, oh ho.

Remember, I'm exempt from the line
for one year, Kohava.

You have Kohava's word.

Okay, here we go,
you're with me, right?

Focus.

"Mission: Robbery"

Where did you get a map
of the supermarket?

Let's just say it's not the first time
I considered robbing the place.

This is the plan:
at 5-30-0-0,

you tell her that the shrink
from "Marriage at First Sight"

is right outside the supermarket.

At 5-32-0-0,
Franco -

you fill up a bag with diverse items.

Here is the bag.

Wait, Kohava. -Yes?
-Won't I be recognized?

Wear a hat, sunglasses.
-And a wig, it can't hurt.

Nice one, goalie! A wig.

I won't be recognized with a wig.

Regardless of the robbery,
it won't grow back.

Back to the business at hand,

after taking the items,
you advance quietly towards the exit.

Okay.
-At 5-45-0-0-5,

Nissim brings Shira to the registers,

you run for your life
towards the exit

where the great security guard
will be waiting, "Magnetometer Man,"

the brave guard Chibotero.
-Will I wear a wig too?

No, you'll stop him,
Shira realizes her mistake,

gives you back your job,
no one goes home by bus.

What bus?

You know, it's teen slang,

a sign of success...
I'll explain it later.

Let's see those hands.

Hold on, what do I do?

What? I don't know,
what are you even doing here?

I don't know, you called Nissim,
I came too. We're... a team.

God help me, he's unbelievable.

He follows me to the toilet too!
-Excuse me?

-Excuse me?

Is it my fault our piss is in synch?
-Anatoly, stop following me.

Who needs you?
-Unbelievable.

I'm not getting involved.

What? -What?
I just happen to be going there too.

Now you own there too?
Thank you, have a nice day.

It's nice knowing I can count on you.
You're the best.

You there.

Excuse me! You!

Who, me?
-I thought you don't enjoy the show.

Show? What show?

Party's over.
You're in my audience, you pay.

I'm not your audience, pal.

I'm that bird's audience.

It's my right
to be in the bird's audience.

Sshhh... I'm listening
to the bird's show. -Oh yeah?

No problem.

I'm not playing
until this man leaves or pays.

Sir, really. -"Sir"?
It's my right to stand here.

"Sir," he says.
-You pay or leave.

So leave. -Don't butt in.
Don't butt in!

It's my right to be here.
-Pay or leave.

What choice did I have?
After five years of blood, sweat and tears

I'll lose the apartment over a few shekels?
And it'll be renovated!

What?

I was told to give as much as I want.

I see you have a twenty.

A twenty for being out of tune?

Thank God.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

You, whoa, whoa. -What's the problem?
-"What's the problem"?

You're on public property
without a permit,

the neighbors filed a complaint.
Please leave.

No, no, no,
he's not going anywhere.

Let him finish the show.
I bought a ticket!

The guitar, start playing!
I paid money!

Pick up the guitar and play!
Where are you going?!

I paid money!
Then give me back the money!

No! No way! No way!

Auntie, I'll play!
I'll play, I'm not leaving.

"Issachar Bounty"

Wow. Way to go.
-That's the most credible wig you found?

Do I look like a secret agent to you?
It's what I had at home.

Impressive.
-What is it the teens say?

"No one goes home by bus."

Ah, of course.

Okay, ready?

Chibotero!

We're on.

I don't understand.
-I heard his rolling R to here.

Dr. Friedlander,
"Marriage at First Sight" is here? -Yes.

Thief! -What's going on?
-Chibotero, a thief who didn't pay!

Chibotero, stop him!
-What?!

Chibotero, stop...

What...-What? Why?
-Chibotero, what have you done?!

Are you insane?!

We said pretend!
Are you insane?! What did you do?!

No one will rob the supermarket
while Chibotero is on guard.

Are you nuts?
-Kohava, call an ambulance!

All I wanted was to skip the line!
What's happening to this country?

God help me, this country...
-Franco?

Franco, you should have told us,
we would've helped you.

"Issachar Bounty"

My cover story is
that I'm not involved.

Okay, I can't understand
what you were thinking.

We heard that you want
to get rid of Chibotero,

so we decided to stage a robbery.
-Didn't you see "The Policeman"?

Why do you think
I want to get rid of Chibotero?

I don't. -Cut the act,
we heard you on the phone

that he's been here forever
and that he's a liability.

There is something to that...

The carton compressor!

Who?
-The carton compressor!

It's been here forever!
And it's a liability

because it almost sliced off
Ramzi's finger last week! -Oh...

The carton compressor?
-Yes!

We didn't think of that.
-Why don't you think?!

Yes, the carton compressor.
-Then think!

Anatoly, I see you.
-It's my right to stand here.

Does your father own it?

"The manager claims

"it was

"a random

"bullet discharge."

I aimed at the torso...

No, Chibotero, no, no, no.,
it's what I said.

A random bullet discharge,
human error. -We're almost done,

I just need your details
and the weapon. -What weapon?

We have to confiscate the weapon
until after the investigation. -No, no.

That I won't do.

Mordechai, let go of the gun.
-No, no, no.

Give it to the nice policeman.

Take out the gun.

Good for you.
Be careful with it.

Give it to him. -Careful...
-Aim it at him.

Take it. Just take it.

Now, give me your license
so I can fill out the details.

Thank you.

What is it, Officer?

Nothing, except this license expired...

19 years ago.
-What?! -You don't say.

How time flies.

Listen, you can't get in a car
before you pass a driving test.

What?!
-And I'll keep this until then.

What, what, what?
-But why? -Fine.

Thank you.
-Wait, "fine"? What's that about?

Wait, hold on, Officer, listen to me.
What's 19 years for him?

It's like two months
for a regular person... I mean...

Wait, hold on! Listen...

Do you know Kobi Azoulay?
Does he talk about me?

What's wrong, Amnon?

Auntie Paula, she...

we lost her.

Oy. I'm sorry to hear that.

You're sorry?

Five years of taking her up
three floors in a wheelchair, no elevator,

and what did she leave me?

Her matchbox collection!

Five years

And they don't even light!

You strike it, it doesn't light.
Nothing, nada.

From the moisture in her apartment.

So who got the apartment?
-What is it she wrote in her will?

"The only person who played
on her heartstrings." The only one!

"Bei mir bist du schon,
Bei mir hos tu heyn...

"Bei mir bist du schon
oyf der velt..."

What was that?

What was that?
It's a different number.

23. It's a different number.