Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 15 - Bites - full transcript

"Black asphalt

"Red car

"Almost dry

"Sit with us here."

Ramzi, I found you!

Oh, Bossga, you should have told me
so I'd have time to hide.

I've been looking for you
for half an hour, Ramzi,

to put jams in the storeroom
and instead you're...

What's this? What are you doing?
-Emphasizing the arrow.

-Emphasizing the arrow.

Based on the new Nordic standard.



A few more minutes
and I'll get to the jams, Bossga.

Oh, Ramzi, when will you separate
the wheat from the chaff?

What? When don't I separate
the wheat from the chaff?

Ramzi... we're in the middle...
-Hey! Hey!

She forgot her coin in the cart!

Write it down so you don't forget.

Mr. Ma'am!
You forgot the coin in the slit!

Ramzi.

Stop! Stop!

I am forced to confiscate your car.
-Ramzi!

All-purpose employee on duty, let's go.
-Ramzi! -Emergency... -You're nuts.

A woman in distress!

A lady in a pickle!

Well, Bossga, where were we?



You not separating
the wheat from the chaff.

Can you give me an example?
Be more specific?

Or do you mean in general?

"Checkout"

"Mosquito Bites"

She left it behind
and drove into the sunset.

The heart aches.

It's just a coin, Ramzi.
-"Just a coin"?

And what if she needs
this "just a coin"?

Huh, what then?
-Okay, but... what can you do?

It's not what I can do,
it's what I have to do

and what any
all-purpose employee would do,

find the lady and return the coin.

Do you know anything about her?
Her name? What she looks like?

Then it's hopeless, no?
-If you're just any Joe Blow,

but the chances increase
if you're...

Detective Ramzi!

Hello, princesses,
want to hear about my new startup?

Buzz off, go, you piece of scum!
-Calm down, superstar, forget it.

Not you, bonehead,
the damn mosquito.

There, there it is.

Got the freakin' scuzz.

So you want me to tell?
-Yeah, sure, go ahead.

When someone is depressed,
they don't eat or drink, right?

So?
-I'm opening a diet center.

So? -You get the guy all depressed,
he doesn't eat or drink,

gets skinny like a billiard stick.

Thank you, have a nice day.

How do you get him depressed?
-Sha! Sha! It's discreet!

Maybe you tell him
about Anatoly's bad ideas.

Enough! It's either the mosquitoes
or Anatoly's ideas.

How much can a person suffer?

There's an onslaught
of mosquitoes at the supermarket.

Look.

Look what they did
to my velvet skin.

I have so many bites
that there are bites on the bites.

But they don't bite Anatoly.

If you were a mosquito,
would you bite Anatoly? Drink his blood?

Why would someone want
another horn in their car?

I'll explain.
One button, pleasant honk. Toot.

"Excuse me, Mister, green light,
please step on it."

Second button, boo-boom!

Beep! "Move your lemon
before I extract your spine!"

I'll get the Nobel Prize.
-At the very least.

Guys, have you seen Ramzi?

Like we need
more buzzing in our ears.

Oh wow.

Oh wow.

What?
-I can't believe it, I just realized.

What a surreal dream I had!

I wish someone would love me
like Shira loves telling her dreams.

Gimme the Moldovan tyrant
talking about his schemes

over the airhead's dreams any day.

And she tells them with such vigor.

Sweetie, you didn't really
win the Emmy, it was a dream.

You didn't marry Clooney.
It was a dream.

A dream.
-Ow...

And I'm shocked. I'm shocked.
Shocked, shocked, shocked!

You and me, a team on "Amazing Race".
How surreal is that?

But it didn't happen!

"Surreal"?!
A dream is surreal by definition.

That's the thing about dreams,
someone dreams them!

Yup, totally surreal.

Text Esti, this will never end.

So we're in Budapest,

but we're not in Budapest,
we're in the carton bin.

Or a carton bin in Budapest
or Budapest... I don't know,

and the challenge... of the race
is to fold cartons.

So I start, ta ta ta, I'm folding
and you're doing nothing.

I wonder what Freud
would say about that.

Anyway, I'm folding, folding
and I say to you: "Nissim, fold!

"We'll lose the game, we'll..."
Dam.

"We'll lose, Nissim, we'll lose...
Fold, fold," and you won't fold.

You don't move.
How surreal is that?!

And now we're near the... finish line.
We run, run, run, and I'm dragging you.

It's so surreal...

wow, we get to the finish line
and who's standing there?

At the end? At the finish line?
-Who? -Not Ron Shahar.

Avihai.

but not like you'd expect, Kohava,
Avihai, Ron Shahar. No.

From here.

This part is Avihai
and from here, Ron Shahar,

with the difference in height,
but it's like...

Wow, it's so surreal.

Shira to register 2.
Shira to register 2.

Oh, bummer.

At the height of suspense
of the dream that didn't happen.

That's okay, I'll tell you later.
It's so surreal.

I remember where we left off.

Anyone got a putty knife?
I gotta repair my brain.

Oh jeez!
She left, you came back?

They did leave us alone
when she was here

and when she left they came back.
-You and your mumbo jumbo.

What mumbo jumbo?

Shira, come outside, urgent.
Urgent, urgent, urgent.

Are you a nuts, Nissim? The drill
finally left, now you say "come"? -Wait.

A catastrophe.

What, Nissim?
-Shira, I wanted to ask you...

Darn.
-Is it true... -Darn!

-Is it true... -Darn!

The work roster.
-The work roster, it's not...

What, Nissim, you said "urgent."
What did you want?

How about...
-I'm needed inside, Nissim.

Why are you pressuring him?

And you want him to join you
on the "Amazing Race"?

What did I tell you?
-I'm shocked. -You see?

She's finally good for something.
-She's finally someone's type .

The female mosquitoes,
they're the ones that bite. -Ah.

I don't get it. -What's to get?
No more bites during cig break.

We found a mosquito repellant.
-Repels mosquitoes too...

"Issachar Bounty"

I repeat,

the same anonymous customer
paid at your register for -

a 7 inch clip fan, Kalamata olives,
avocados, 720 grams, sound familiar?

If that's what it says.

Do you remember
the avocados' degree of softness?

Does it matter?

The detective will decide
what matters, alright?

You focus on the avocados.
Were they soft?

Tough-soft?
Soft-tough?

Soft-soft?
Mushy-soft or smushy?

Try to remember, Ms. Tzagai,
it could turn the investigation on its head.

Let's say your cheek is an avocado,

how deep will the finger go
if I press? Here? Here?

Or a little more... mushy?
Which is... -Like this.

Okay?

Now get outta my face.
And you too!

Encouraging his nonsense.
Haven't you had enough?

And the eyes, black as night.

I can't get the gaze out of my head.

Something like this?

Yes. Absolutely.

That's the man who left with the fan.

Yes, it's... spot on.

Thank you very much, Mr. Chibotero.
You've been a great help.

"All that is past is past...
All that is past is past..."

"Come here
and look me in the eye."

Here you go.

Mushroom sandwich on chiffon.
-Chiffon bread.

Just like you like it.
-What? I didn't even ask for it.

Oh please. -You guys are awesome,
let me pay you. -No way.

A cheap mosquito repellant costs 20,
a sandwich at Gariani's is 10.

That's cheap. -It's with mushroom
substitute. Portodemo.

Girl, with love, from us.
-Wow, guys.

Are you coming? -Where?
-To finish the dream,

you left us in Budapest
with half Avihai, half Ron Shahar.

Ah! Then sit down,
sit, sit, sit, I'll tell you.

No, no, no. -No, we need... air.
-Outside, in the air's fresh

I'm suffocating in here,
I feel like I'm being suffocate .

I can't breathe, I'm dying.
-Out in the air is best. -Okay.

But make it fast.
-Come on, sweetie. -Alright.

Anyway... -No, not now,
when we get outside. -Outside.

And Ron Shahar... -No, not yet!
-Sweetheart, not now, come on.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
esteemed Mr. Shenkin,

we present our new invention.

The Steinbuchrepel!

You go outdoors with Steinbuchrepel,
place it half a meter away

and that's it, you're protected.
No sprays, no shrays, 100% natural.

100% success.
-Guaranteed.

And I'm shouting:
Cricket is kosher! Cricket is kosher!

And you don't believe me.

But here's the most surreal part
of the dream.

Okay, I'm getting back to work.

Why? You didn't hear
the most surreal part of the dream.

Okay, but not now.

It's like "Amazing Race",
when the episode's a cliffhanger,

they air it another time,
that way people tune in.

Enjoy the sandwich.
-Tell us tomorrow.

Thanks. -Sure thing.

Lately I'm feeling

that something interesting
is going on with the guys.

How come?

I don't know how to define it,
but I feel that we've kind of become...

friends?

Yeah? -Yes, it's surreal.

I feel that their perspective
of me has changed.

After all, they look at me
and what do they see?

Shira Steinbuch, the big manager,
omnipotent, so called authoritative.

Then they discover
that I'm a person too

and I'm fun
and lighthearted and funny.

Yes,
things they didn't think I am,

but I am.
No, no, it's surreal.

They wait for quality time with me.

How can I put it?
I feel they're thirsty for me.

Isn't that surreal?

No, it's not fair!
It's as if the earth swallowed her up.

What is that?

Really, Ramzi, that again?
It's been almost two weeks!

I don't get it.
Whenever someone forgets a coin

or Kohava's car burns

you can't abandon your tasks
and focus...

Holy cheese and pasta!
Kohava's Mercedes!

I almost reviewed
all the foul-ups in the Mercedes file,

but this time, thanks to Bossga,
I looked at the CCTV on time and...

there's a dramatic break in the case.

This is the mystery woman!

Do you know her?

Do you?

Shir-Shir.
-Koh-Koh.

You wanna chat about dreams?
I'll interpret them?

I'd love to, Koh-Koh,
but I have to work-work.

Aw, please.
Let's take a breakie break.

No, Kohava, sorry, I just got back,
was outside with Anatoly and Nissim.

Aw... You what?

Shame on you.
Going for a cig without me?

Kohava,
you were ringing someone up.

When did that ever stop me
from going outside?

We didn't even smoke.
-What?

Nissim wanted some fresh air
and didn't want to get bitten.

You wasted the Steinbuchrepel on air?

She didn't go outside with me because of air
and the mosquitoes ate me up?! -Ooh.

It's like that?!
No problem.

Kohava...
-Like that? No problem.

Like that? No problem.

Kohava, wait.
-Like that? No problem!

Like that? No problem.

You see what you did?

Kohava, where are you going? Wait!

The Steinbuchrepel
is both of ours, Kohava.

Like that? No problem!

If there's no problem,
then what's the problem?

"Missing"

Has anyone seen her?
She's missing.

She left her fortune with us.

Good afternoon, Sir.
Have you seen her?

Have you seen her?

This woman is missing,
if you see her, call this number.

One for you, here.

Don't say "no, no, no," please...
You can't say "no, no, no."

The woman is missing!

But why?!

Please!

The new "Clean Paz".
Excellent choice.

Carmela.

You must be mixing me up
with my cousin Taufik.

"Carmela" is his stage name.
-No, no.

The picture, that's Carmela.

You know this woman?
-Sure, she shops here often.

Carmela Saranga.
-Carmela...

Carmela... Saranga, thank you!

I'm so grateful, thank you.

The "Hamsa Hamsa" case,
prepare to be solved!

"Ramzi the detective in action

Ramzi the detective
returns every cart

"Ramzi the detective
is on his way to Carmela

"to return her coin."

That's it.
The search is over, little one.

Soon you'll be with Mommy.

"Carmela Saranga RIP"

Mrs. Saranga!

Carmela!

Mrs...

Carmela?!

Carmela!

Five days ago,
our Carmela passed away

and left us orphaned and aching.

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.
What happened to her?

She was cleaning the balcony
and didn't pay attention and...

she fell half...

Had... the coin been in her pocket
maybe it would have stopped the fall.

At least you can put the coin to rest.
-Put the coin to rest?

What am I, a monster?

What about its legal heirs? Huh?

"Issachar Bounty"

Shir-Shir. -Ah?

Here you go, Shira.

Am I disturbing?
I don't want to disturb,

but look,
I brought you a real big one.

Toasted sandwich from Gariani.

Wow!
-Bigger than Nissim's.

Come on, let's eat.

It's chiffon, whole grain,
everything you like.

You want to hear
the end of the dream?

I'm dying to hear the end of the dream.
-Wow. -I was so curious.

I couldn't sleep, I swear.

So the pistachio turned into a cashew...
-Come, sweets, cashew later,

I'm experiencing ADHD,
I have to go outside.

Let's go. -So the sheets start to multiply.
-Not here, outside.

The crew of "Marriage at First Sight"
is in my room and I have to go out

and get married and I realize...
I have no hair! I'm bald!

I ask myself,
should I go out there or not?

Hysterical.

And the whole crew,
the cameraman, the director...

they're dancing around me
and I'm like "this is not me.'

Uh huh.

And my whole back is this tattoo
of Oren Kushtai. Okay?

And I have to go out there
and I'm like, fuck!

Shira, you're in a gown
with a bare back!

Darn... everyone will see!

And Itai Herman and I are a couple.

He's walking around my place
in boxer shorts, patting Stevie.

Crazy.
-Surreal, surreal.

Surreal.
-Okay, I'm off.

Okay, gotta go.

I'll voice message you
the end of the dream.

It doesn't end with the nail.
-It better not.

I don't get incoming calls,
but I'll be informed.

No, a voice message.
-Yeah, no messages either.

On the one hand,
I'm not itching from the bites.

On the other hand,
her BS is itching my brain.

I don't know what's better.

No, they can't get enough.
-Who?

Kohava and Nissim, who else?

They just want
more and more and more of me.

They're drinking me with a straw.
Can you blame them?

I still don't get who that man is.
What is he? A lawyer?

I don't know,
he sounded like a lawyer.

He called,
said Mom left some money.

Then why did he ask us to come here?
-Who knows?

Maybe he's from Wachler & Wachler,"
the law firm in the mall.

In order to honor the family
and the deceased's memory,

I borrowed Chibotero's elegant jacket.
I hope it's not too festive.

Oded?
-Ramzi?

Condolences.

Okay, is everyone here?
-Yes. -Yes.

Down to business.

Your mother
was a very dear customer to me.

Personally, I didn't know her,
but I heard stories.

In any event,

your mother
left a sum of money here

and no doubt, were she alive,

she would have wanted it
to go to you, its legal heirs.

I told you, I told you
she wouldn't leave us in debt.

Wait.

Here.

What's that?
-Mother's coin.

Your mother forgot it
in the shopping cart and drove off.

You could say it's her estate.

Is this a prank or what?
-Is that why... the cameras are here?

No, heaven forbidding.
-Dude, are you mocking us?

Are you half baked?
We're drowning in debt

and you're making fun of us?
-I am not making fun, my friends.

Tell me, are you a numbskull?
Are you a nincompoop?

Are you wasted?
You got a bottle in your pocket?

You unusable, dude?
You give me a coin...

It's a pity they were...

so focused on the trivial matter
of the sum

instead of enjoying
the sentimental value of the estate.

What is it Bossga says?

See what matters,
not what doesn't.

Like me.

"Issachar Bounty"

Good morning, Shir-Shir.
-Good morning, Shir-Shir.

What's this? Where is she?
-It's 8 o'clock.

What happened to you?
-I had a meeting...

that didn't go so well.
-And you've been crying ever since?

It's not that.

Haven't you heard?
-No. -It's Bossga,

she's in the hospital.

She was rushed to the ER
due to an acute skin infection,

high fever and severe blood loss.

The professor diagnosed it
as a myriad of mosquito bites.

Poor Bossga.

May God avenge her sucked blood!

Great, Nissim. -"Nissim"?
-You ruined the Steinbuchrepel.

I ruined it? -Yup.
-You did! Using her over and over,

you ruined her.
She's a person, not a lighter!

"Issachar Bounty"

What, Nissim?

"What"?

Haven't you noticed?

After that thing with Shira,
a guy came from the municipality

and sprayed all the mosquitoes,
like Hiroshima and Makanaki.

We can smoke at our leisure.
No buzzing in the brain.

And no mosquitoes either.

Oh, I thought you meant Shira.

Girl... I could sit like this all day.
-Like this. From morning to night.

There you are!
Koh-Koh! Nis-Nis!

I missed you guys!
I'm back!

I swear, it's so surreal,

maybe the morphine did it.
The whole night was surreal.

The first night I dreamt about Muataf,
my orderly. -Listen,

so much work piled up
while you were gone.

Of course, but wait, wait...

We have to cover
everything you would do...

I got chicken wings
with no bones. -Don't ask.

Oy... -I gotta unload them.
-But just a second,

Muataf, my orderly...
-Later. During the break. -Get this,

you won't believe it, Kohava, half Muataf,
half Ramzi, but not like you'd expect.

The front was Muataf
and the back was Ramzi!

Ramzi Abed Ramzi, our Ramzi.
-Hilarious, ha ha.

What dreams, guys. Good thing
you're here so I can keep telling you.

Would you like to know?

So listen, okay,
the second night, the cafeteria.

They would serve us this soup,
tomato soup, mushroom soup.

I get morphine, I fall asleep,
I dream that I'm in the soup pot.

The mushroom soup pot.

This big,
but the mushrooms are from Gariani!

This one big mish mash in my head.