Cash Register (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 14 - Ramzi is Pure Forever - full transcript
Ramzi tries his best to befriend a new supermarket employee, Kochava tries to film a fun wedding video for her son's wedding.
The new acquisition.
"You meet a friend every day
like you and slightly not..."
Don't mind me, I'm excited.
It's not every day you meet a friend
like you and slightly not.
Wow, a new friend! Awesome.
Who's the lucky man?
-Me, of course.
I meant, who's the friend?
-Oh, sorry.
He is Mr. Eliran Mutzafi,
the skilled shelf organizer
who joined our troops this morning.
If he just joined this morning,
how do you know you'll be friends?
How do you know
that the earth is round? Huh?
How do you know
that one plus one is a great offer?
It's a no-brainer.
At "Issachar Bounty" we're all friends.
"So listen up, hey!
"What a great day
"to play and dream
and get along with each other."
Hey, Shimi, you mongol.
At my new job,
where would I be?
Welcome to the supermarket.
Do you want to tell us about yourself?
Is everything alright?
Eliran Mutzafi, 25,
that's all I'm saying without a lawyer.
No, we're not...
this is a TV series, I'm the director...
Oh, sorry, dude.
It's a habit,
something about the lighting,
the ask-answer vibe.
Not every manager would recruit
an employee like Eliran,
but I'm not "every manager."
see beyond the stereotype,
beyond the "Beitar" cap,
beyond the "Kahana was right" tattoo,
beyond the criminal record
for assault and threats.
I see beyond,
and underneath.
Underneath, underneath,
underneath, underneath all the...
Underneath I see a human being.
Checkout
This was against Haifa two years ago.
"My Eliran, in my supermarket,
"My Eliran,
he came to me me me..."
Here, welcome to
"Issachar Bounty", Mr. Eliran.
Thanks, pal.
-The pleasure is all ours.
"Ours"?
-Oh, what a colorful cap.
What's that? "LF"?
What's "LF"?
Low Fat?
-La Familia.
La Familia?
Oh, me like it!
And you doubted the potential
of our friendship.
What are you talking about?
-The cap! La Familia!
It's my favorite sketch show.
Rotem Abuhav cracks me up
Hold on,
I have another surprise for Eliran.
"To work with you I cannot wait,
"to organize the carton bin,
to clean the shelf.
"Good luck, dear Mr. Eliran,
"a bounty of good wishes
and Issachar Bounty."
Good luck.
Dude, who is that weirdo?
He's the kindest soul
in the supermarket.
And what's that accent, Tunisian?
-Kind of. -Tripolitan? -Close.
Don't tell me he's... -What?
A cousin?
-And his mother? -Yup.
Fuc...
Ew, he kissed me,
that Amalekite, ew.
Where'd you go, Eliran?
He's the kindest person here.
Ew, they're the worst.
Playing it naive, putting you to sleep,
you turn your back and slash!
-Ta-da!
Oh, forgive me, forgive me.
Here, for a sweet start,
I almost forgot.
See you.
Scary, huh?
One-five is like six-six.
Got it. Hold on.
Okay, a hot line out of the oven.
-Now this all day long?
It's a wedding song,
not a Khachaturian opera.
Wait, this is golden,
before I forget.
It's to the music
of "Happiness Revolution". -Go.
"I hear a wedding's on
without me
"No one organizes like me..."
Those are the words of the song.
-No way. No, no, no, no.
This is the original,
No one does it like me"
and I say
"no one organizes like me."
A wedding is organized, not done...
Treasure and Gon are getting married
at the end of the month
and I'm the "wedding clip organizer".
It's a new thing.
Family and friends gather
to film a song for them.
Yes, I've heard about that.
-No, no, hang on.
It's not what you think,
it's notjust any song.
We take a familiar song
but we change the words.
Got it? -Yes. I know the...
-No, I'm telling you,
not just any words.
They're about the bride and groom.
You think you're about to hear
"Golden Boy," cool, awesome,
but then "What a golden pair,
Peleg and Claire,"
not the words at all!
We wrote them ourselves.
Whoever invented the wedding clip
was a genius. Must have been Jewish.
In any case,
it seems you’ve come to terms
with Treasure and Gon getting married.
You could say that, right?
-You could say.
You could say this couch is comfy,
you could say
you're an award winning director.
Would that be true? No.
But you can say anything.
Why make a wedding clip?
-"Why?" It's a custom.
There's the wedding,
you break a glass, you hug
and then there's the family
and friends' wedding clip.
Is that in the Bible?
-The Talmud. "Thou shalt clip."
At first Jessica brought
this geek with glasses
who did the clip for the daughter
of my brother in law's Bat Mitzvah,
but he wanted 1,000 more
than we planned to spend.
How much did he want?
-NIS 1,000.
I said: "Listen up,
you geek with glasses,
"I don't need your clips
or your favors,
'"coz Oren is like a brother
and he'll do it for free."
How's that?
Who's Oren?
-You!
Ah. Yes. Sorry.
-You got me going there...
Anyhoo, you're it, sweetie.
Here's what I planned.
I need a pro's opinion.
It's the music from "Million Dollars.
Hold on, Kohava.
-Listen.
Hang on, I'll find it.
-Kohava...
I said, hang on. Dude.
Yes, Oren.
-Listen...
it's all good, but I...
can't shoot the wedding clip,
I'm sorry.
-You can't?
Sure you can, Oren.
Believe in yourself.
This clip obviously needs
a little more talent
than the schlocky job
you do in the supermarket.
It's time you took that leap.
You can't remain stagnant.
And I'm willing to bet on you.
-Kohava...
I mean that I...
I don't do that kind of stuff..
I'm a TV director, not...
"Don't do that kind of stuff"?
You'd think you're making art,
filming Ramzi scrubbing off
pigeon poop in the carton bin?
Seriously...
You got a camera? You got a star?
Let's make a clip,
your career will soar.
Believe me.
It's not like you'd ruin anything.
Kohava; I'm sorry,
I'm working on this project now.
Working?! Working?! Who do you think
you are? You work for me!
You sit there, look at me,
I'm the star and you take the credit?
"Working" he tells me. You loser!
Man who would be king!
Shame on you!
We're over, you hear me?!
Don't talk to me again.
"Working" he tells me.
What a...
Disgrace.
I can't believe this.
Enough. Enough.
Look at us.
Where the heck did we go?
Why argue? Come on, gimme a hug.
Sweetie, gimme a hug.
Boo, I love you. I love you,
I love you, I love you... -Okay.
You're my boo, my...
-Kohava...
love these cheeks.
I love these cheeks!
-You're hurting me.
Kohava... we're good.
How sweet are you. So cute.
That's it, we made up.
Water under the windshield wiper.
So, you're gonna shoot the clip, yes?
I was thinking Tuesday morning,
real chill. Everyone will come.
Kohava, I said no.
Loser! Disgrace! Tfu!
Shame on you!
You call yourself a friend?
Kissing me behind the camera
so everyone won't see?
Don't even talk to me.
You're a disgrace... That's it.
No season for you.
Tell the network.
They can air archive footage
of the news or something.
Year 1700 Eurovision contest.
We're done.
I'll tell everyone to bail.
One word from Kohava,
they're all gone.
Talk to the network.
Talk to the chief.
Talk to Haim Yavin.
Loser. Zero. Nada. Zip.
Look at this amazing tattoo.
Ready?
"Thursday vow, Friday stab,
Sabbath observe."
Real badass, huh?
-You are a moron, huh?
Here you go. One pregnant
spoon of sugar, twins for Madame,
and one flat fork for Monsieur,
i.e., no sugar.
It spilled, Mr. Eliran.
That's alright,
I'll make you another in a jiffy.
How can you drink his coffee,
I don't get it.
I take a sip..
then I go "ah"..
So how is the friendship
coming along with Eliran?
Slowly slowly.
Slowly but surely.
After all, let's be frank,
Mr. Eliran and I come
from totally opposite places.
I eat my popsicle with the wrapper
and he doesn't, a la nude.
But know this,
if I learned anything
from the litchi-peach ice pops,
it's that two extremes can merge
in phenomenal harmony.
Hey, pal, what's up?
What's this?
Jabjooba?
Dang,
it's just like Grandma Harira's.
Oh, Mr. Eliran, I see you've
bumped into the Jabjoobas I made.
You? How do you know
how to make Jabjooba?
My late grandmother taught me.
Grandma Harira.
Grandma Harira?
-Grandma Harira.
Are you yanking my chain?
My grandma is Harira.
Your grandma is Harira too?
Quite the pair of Hariras, huh?
This is unbelievable!
We have so much in common.
You're welcome.
Enjoy.
Mr. Eliran.
Well? How's it going with Eliran?
It seems that Mr. Eliran
is a tough nut to crack.
But you know what you do
with tough nuts to crack?
You throw them away?
-You eat them with the shell.
Together.
Mr. Eliran?
Yoo-hoo!
I made you Machukot.
Ah, Ramzi!
Ramzi, help me!
Kohava!
-Ramzi!
Kohava! -Ramzi, I cut myself
on a broken bottle of wine!
Now!
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..." -What...
Kohava, really.
-"It's a wedding ding ding..." -Wow.
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure..." -Wow, Kohava.
They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?"
-Disgusting!
Not "disgusting,"
Gon and Treasure.
If you want to be in the clip,
say "Gon and Treasure."
Disgusting.
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..."
Kohava, it's not funny.
Guys, put down the cameras.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Amos, put down the camera.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Cameras down...
"Today they're getting married!
Gon and Treasure, they kiss on the mouth..."
"Issachar Bounty"
I should team you up
with Eliran to organize shelves?
Great idea, huh?
That way we'll create
that rare friendship
that men have in places
like the battlefield or pasta shelf.
Okay, Ramzi, sit down.
Uh... look, Ramzi.
I know that you love being
everyone's friend,
it's important to you
and that's lovely,
but you and Eliran..
I don't think you can be friends.
What? And why not?
Okay, uh... pa pa pa pa....
Look, Eliran is... he's not...
Eliran... he doesn't get along...
with people...
he doesn't get along with people
who are... you know... like...
like you.
People who are like me?
What... allergic to carambola?
No, no, no,
it has nothing to do with carambola.
Perhaps my knee creaks?
I put toilet paper to absorb the noise...
No, no, no, Ramzi, it's not that,
it's not the knee creaks.
Then maybe the unique fold in my shirt?
I don't have to pull up the sleeve.
It's not about the unique fold either.
-It's when I sweat...
Ramzi, it's not about carambola
or unique folds or knee creaks.
Then what is it?
-Do you really want to know
why Eliran doesn't want to be your friend?
-Of course.
"Issachar Bounty"
During my daily inspection
of the storeroom
I notice something unusual.
It seems that under one of the boxes
Mr. Eliran placed a form of...
Now!
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..."
No, Kohava, seriously?
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Guys, stop filming.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Let's go to lunch.
We're going for lunch.
"Today they're getting married,
"Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?"
Shimi, I think they're on to me.
Three smurfs just came in
with a sniffing dog.
Must be Ramzi the Amalekite. Tfu!
Eliran Mutzafi?
-Ah, something wrong?
We have information
you're hiding army weapons here.
We have a search warrant.
Dude, you must be dreaming.
Search, there's nothing here.
You're wasting your time.
-Go ahead. Search.
Nothing here, huh?
Toss em out.
Not the onions,
what are you doing?! -Quiet!
I told you you're wasting your time.
At least you took Chompy for a walk.
-Come, I'll walk you out.
Mr. Eliran. -Huh?
Forgive me,
I didn't have time to tell you
that I relocated your box
of requisites this morning.
You?
I hope it's to your liking.
It's just...
past experience taught me
that when the smurfs come to visit
the storeroom
is the first place they look.
You saved me.
I feared you'd get in trouble
for an innocent childish prank.
You Arabs...
What'll I do with you, Ramzi?
I'm on probation,
if they find the grenades...
You fuckin' saved my life.
-That's... what friends do, no?
I swear, you're one of a kind.
What's your story?
-I don't know, I'm... Ramzi.
Lay off! Are you nuts?
-I'm sorry... Let's pick up onions.
Did I tell you or not?
Eli ran and I are meant to!
Making friends is my specialty.
"Listen up, you Arabs...
Not you, Ramzi.
We don't forgive
The chorus remains
"May your village burn..."
-Not yours, Ramzi.
"May your village burn..."
-Not yours.
"May your village burn"
-Not yours, Ramzi.
"May your village burn,
May your village burn!"
Not mine!
I don't have any excuses.
I swear, I tried to hate him,
I did my best, no can do.
The man is pure gold.
He cares, loves, helps. His Jabjooba
is better than Grandma Harira's.
My Harira, not his.
That man saved me from the pigs!
I could've been in jail.
He even loves my favorite show,
"La Familia".
That guy who plays the psychologist,
Norman something?
I'm crazy about him.
What's his accent anyways?
Norman, is he Bukharan?
Yes. -I knew it!
I knew it, Bukharan, dang.
Norman, Norman,
I'm crazy about him.
So the mongol peacock
in the trunk goes "Ah! Ah!"
The pig asks "What's that?"
So Zachi goes: "You ass, it's the engine!"
Eliran.
Shimi.
Itzik.
Zion.
Zachi.
-Hey, Zachi?
You look like Zion.
Wait, is this the famous Zachi?
What an honor, Mr. Zachi. Truly.
Who is this?
-Nice to meet you, I'm...
Rafi. He works here.
Rafi? Are you kidding me?
His tag says "Ramzi Abed Ramzi".
Eliran, you start mixing
with Abdul Ramzis now?
He's nervous,
but the answer is yes.
Mixing? Who's mixing?
He just works here.
Don't bust my balls, I saw you.
Another minute,
you were going to kiss.
Hey, hey, hey!
Shimi, watch yourself.
Don't make me out to be some Israel hater!
-I know what I saw, Eliran.
Don't you dare show your face
at the club anymore.
You piece of traitor scum.
Let's go.
How about a little macchiato?
We can work this out... No?
No, that's okay.
"It's a wedding ding ding"
Move or shove off.
"It's a wedding ding ding
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?
Gon and Treasure
"Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure."
What's this? What's this?
You said you want a dog in the clip.
-Their dog!
Gon and Treasure's dog,
Bandit!
Who needs an anonymous dog?
Explain it to me!
Good one, Ramzi.
Once again you came to bless
but cursed instead.
I'm pretty sure it's not your fault.
Those guys can't relate...
you know, to people like you.
-They have every right.
What?
-Not everyone has to like me.
I don't like myself all the time either
Often I feel like... punching myself.
Ramzi, you called?
I wanted to say...
What are you doing, you mongol?
What have I done to you, Mr. Eliran?
-What? -No, Mr. Eliran!
Dude, you're messed up, I vow,
what's with you? -Mr. Eliran!
Oh boy...
Shimi, what are you doing here?
-Dude, you texted us to come back.
I texted you? -Yes.
No, no, not them too?!
Wasn't that enough... -Huh?
What you did to me?
-He pulverized him.
Please, Mr. Eliran,
I'm begging you!
I promise not to come near you
I won't come near,
just don't beat me anymore.
I said there's no way
Eliran would be friends with Amalekite.
True dat. -Word.
-Right, Eliran?
Of course not,
what were you thinking?
I was faking it 'coz the manager is
a fuckin' rat. You didn't let me explain.
Get the hell cuta here.
Go, go, go.
Eliran, I'm sorry, buddy.
My mistake. I vow I was wrong.
That's okay.
Itzik.
-Nice job, dude.
Okay, catch you later.
-Bye, man.
Ramzi, what did you do?
-What any true friend would do.
Ramzi... I don't know what to say.
No, no, no, not there.
-Where?
My body. It hurts.
Get over here.
The cut in my forehead will pass
and with it the bruises on my back
and the...
hematoma in my groin.
But the friendship
between Mr. Eliran and I
will remain forever.
Ofer Kriaf has the ball.
And Issachar Shkedi wards 'em off.
Give it here.
Eliran Mutzafi, you're under arrest.
Anything you say can be used...
-!*£... Let go!
Go on, cuff him.
-Let go, I'll chew your eye...
Quiet, calm down,
it won't hurt so bad.
You pig, just you wait.
-Let's go. -Ah!
Beitar rules!
-Be strong, Eliran!
Beitar is pure forever!
So... the smoke grenades
were just the tip of the iceberg.
It seems that Eliran turned
the vegetable fridge into an armory.
"Issachar Bounty"
I thought that after all these years
you'd know not to cross Kohava.
Anyways, I want to thank you
for backing down
and sending me the clip.
It came out awesome.
I didn't agree to send you anything.
-Oh, really?
Well, I have it.
You want to see how it turned out?
'll show you.
Fine.
The book that impacted me the most
was "Pot of Pots."
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-What's this?
No, Kohava!
-"It's a wedding ding ding..."
So not right!
-"Wedding..."
'Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?
Gon and Treasure
'Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure
"It's a wedding din ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"They met in the supermarket
Two hours later he texted him
"Come come come
'They've been together since
Until he cheated on him
"It happens, sweetie
The check, in what amount
"More, sweetie
Don't be misers
"More, sweetie
"Like some people I know
"Uncle Sammy
Oh, sweetie
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"A bangin' mother in law!
Gon and Treasure
Tell your friends
"Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure
"Gon and Treasure
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding."
Ah?
Ah?
The guests will love it.
-And that geek wanted 1,000.
You want to be in the credits?
I'm a good friend.
At least 750 people will see it...
So, you re sorry, huh?
I'll put you in, don't worry.
It's not really my style...
It will be.
"You meet a friend every day
like you and slightly not..."
Don't mind me, I'm excited.
It's not every day you meet a friend
like you and slightly not.
Wow, a new friend! Awesome.
Who's the lucky man?
-Me, of course.
I meant, who's the friend?
-Oh, sorry.
He is Mr. Eliran Mutzafi,
the skilled shelf organizer
who joined our troops this morning.
If he just joined this morning,
how do you know you'll be friends?
How do you know
that the earth is round? Huh?
How do you know
that one plus one is a great offer?
It's a no-brainer.
At "Issachar Bounty" we're all friends.
"So listen up, hey!
"What a great day
"to play and dream
and get along with each other."
Hey, Shimi, you mongol.
At my new job,
where would I be?
Welcome to the supermarket.
Do you want to tell us about yourself?
Is everything alright?
Eliran Mutzafi, 25,
that's all I'm saying without a lawyer.
No, we're not...
this is a TV series, I'm the director...
Oh, sorry, dude.
It's a habit,
something about the lighting,
the ask-answer vibe.
Not every manager would recruit
an employee like Eliran,
but I'm not "every manager."
see beyond the stereotype,
beyond the "Beitar" cap,
beyond the "Kahana was right" tattoo,
beyond the criminal record
for assault and threats.
I see beyond,
and underneath.
Underneath, underneath,
underneath, underneath all the...
Underneath I see a human being.
Checkout
This was against Haifa two years ago.
"My Eliran, in my supermarket,
"My Eliran,
he came to me me me..."
Here, welcome to
"Issachar Bounty", Mr. Eliran.
Thanks, pal.
-The pleasure is all ours.
"Ours"?
-Oh, what a colorful cap.
What's that? "LF"?
What's "LF"?
Low Fat?
-La Familia.
La Familia?
Oh, me like it!
And you doubted the potential
of our friendship.
What are you talking about?
-The cap! La Familia!
It's my favorite sketch show.
Rotem Abuhav cracks me up
Hold on,
I have another surprise for Eliran.
"To work with you I cannot wait,
"to organize the carton bin,
to clean the shelf.
"Good luck, dear Mr. Eliran,
"a bounty of good wishes
and Issachar Bounty."
Good luck.
Dude, who is that weirdo?
He's the kindest soul
in the supermarket.
And what's that accent, Tunisian?
-Kind of. -Tripolitan? -Close.
Don't tell me he's... -What?
A cousin?
-And his mother? -Yup.
Fuc...
Ew, he kissed me,
that Amalekite, ew.
Where'd you go, Eliran?
He's the kindest person here.
Ew, they're the worst.
Playing it naive, putting you to sleep,
you turn your back and slash!
-Ta-da!
Oh, forgive me, forgive me.
Here, for a sweet start,
I almost forgot.
See you.
Scary, huh?
One-five is like six-six.
Got it. Hold on.
Okay, a hot line out of the oven.
-Now this all day long?
It's a wedding song,
not a Khachaturian opera.
Wait, this is golden,
before I forget.
It's to the music
of "Happiness Revolution". -Go.
"I hear a wedding's on
without me
"No one organizes like me..."
Those are the words of the song.
-No way. No, no, no, no.
This is the original,
No one does it like me"
and I say
"no one organizes like me."
A wedding is organized, not done...
Treasure and Gon are getting married
at the end of the month
and I'm the "wedding clip organizer".
It's a new thing.
Family and friends gather
to film a song for them.
Yes, I've heard about that.
-No, no, hang on.
It's not what you think,
it's notjust any song.
We take a familiar song
but we change the words.
Got it? -Yes. I know the...
-No, I'm telling you,
not just any words.
They're about the bride and groom.
You think you're about to hear
"Golden Boy," cool, awesome,
but then "What a golden pair,
Peleg and Claire,"
not the words at all!
We wrote them ourselves.
Whoever invented the wedding clip
was a genius. Must have been Jewish.
In any case,
it seems you’ve come to terms
with Treasure and Gon getting married.
You could say that, right?
-You could say.
You could say this couch is comfy,
you could say
you're an award winning director.
Would that be true? No.
But you can say anything.
Why make a wedding clip?
-"Why?" It's a custom.
There's the wedding,
you break a glass, you hug
and then there's the family
and friends' wedding clip.
Is that in the Bible?
-The Talmud. "Thou shalt clip."
At first Jessica brought
this geek with glasses
who did the clip for the daughter
of my brother in law's Bat Mitzvah,
but he wanted 1,000 more
than we planned to spend.
How much did he want?
-NIS 1,000.
I said: "Listen up,
you geek with glasses,
"I don't need your clips
or your favors,
'"coz Oren is like a brother
and he'll do it for free."
How's that?
Who's Oren?
-You!
Ah. Yes. Sorry.
-You got me going there...
Anyhoo, you're it, sweetie.
Here's what I planned.
I need a pro's opinion.
It's the music from "Million Dollars.
Hold on, Kohava.
-Listen.
Hang on, I'll find it.
-Kohava...
I said, hang on. Dude.
Yes, Oren.
-Listen...
it's all good, but I...
can't shoot the wedding clip,
I'm sorry.
-You can't?
Sure you can, Oren.
Believe in yourself.
This clip obviously needs
a little more talent
than the schlocky job
you do in the supermarket.
It's time you took that leap.
You can't remain stagnant.
And I'm willing to bet on you.
-Kohava...
I mean that I...
I don't do that kind of stuff..
I'm a TV director, not...
"Don't do that kind of stuff"?
You'd think you're making art,
filming Ramzi scrubbing off
pigeon poop in the carton bin?
Seriously...
You got a camera? You got a star?
Let's make a clip,
your career will soar.
Believe me.
It's not like you'd ruin anything.
Kohava; I'm sorry,
I'm working on this project now.
Working?! Working?! Who do you think
you are? You work for me!
You sit there, look at me,
I'm the star and you take the credit?
"Working" he tells me. You loser!
Man who would be king!
Shame on you!
We're over, you hear me?!
Don't talk to me again.
"Working" he tells me.
What a...
Disgrace.
I can't believe this.
Enough. Enough.
Look at us.
Where the heck did we go?
Why argue? Come on, gimme a hug.
Sweetie, gimme a hug.
Boo, I love you. I love you,
I love you, I love you... -Okay.
You're my boo, my...
-Kohava...
love these cheeks.
I love these cheeks!
-You're hurting me.
Kohava... we're good.
How sweet are you. So cute.
That's it, we made up.
Water under the windshield wiper.
So, you're gonna shoot the clip, yes?
I was thinking Tuesday morning,
real chill. Everyone will come.
Kohava, I said no.
Loser! Disgrace! Tfu!
Shame on you!
You call yourself a friend?
Kissing me behind the camera
so everyone won't see?
Don't even talk to me.
You're a disgrace... That's it.
No season for you.
Tell the network.
They can air archive footage
of the news or something.
Year 1700 Eurovision contest.
We're done.
I'll tell everyone to bail.
One word from Kohava,
they're all gone.
Talk to the network.
Talk to the chief.
Talk to Haim Yavin.
Loser. Zero. Nada. Zip.
Look at this amazing tattoo.
Ready?
"Thursday vow, Friday stab,
Sabbath observe."
Real badass, huh?
-You are a moron, huh?
Here you go. One pregnant
spoon of sugar, twins for Madame,
and one flat fork for Monsieur,
i.e., no sugar.
It spilled, Mr. Eliran.
That's alright,
I'll make you another in a jiffy.
How can you drink his coffee,
I don't get it.
I take a sip..
then I go "ah"..
So how is the friendship
coming along with Eliran?
Slowly slowly.
Slowly but surely.
After all, let's be frank,
Mr. Eliran and I come
from totally opposite places.
I eat my popsicle with the wrapper
and he doesn't, a la nude.
But know this,
if I learned anything
from the litchi-peach ice pops,
it's that two extremes can merge
in phenomenal harmony.
Hey, pal, what's up?
What's this?
Jabjooba?
Dang,
it's just like Grandma Harira's.
Oh, Mr. Eliran, I see you've
bumped into the Jabjoobas I made.
You? How do you know
how to make Jabjooba?
My late grandmother taught me.
Grandma Harira.
Grandma Harira?
-Grandma Harira.
Are you yanking my chain?
My grandma is Harira.
Your grandma is Harira too?
Quite the pair of Hariras, huh?
This is unbelievable!
We have so much in common.
You're welcome.
Enjoy.
Mr. Eliran.
Well? How's it going with Eliran?
It seems that Mr. Eliran
is a tough nut to crack.
But you know what you do
with tough nuts to crack?
You throw them away?
-You eat them with the shell.
Together.
Mr. Eliran?
Yoo-hoo!
I made you Machukot.
Ah, Ramzi!
Ramzi, help me!
Kohava!
-Ramzi!
Kohava! -Ramzi, I cut myself
on a broken bottle of wine!
Now!
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..." -What...
Kohava, really.
-"It's a wedding ding ding..." -Wow.
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure..." -Wow, Kohava.
They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?"
-Disgusting!
Not "disgusting,"
Gon and Treasure.
If you want to be in the clip,
say "Gon and Treasure."
Disgusting.
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..."
Kohava, it's not funny.
Guys, put down the cameras.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Amos, put down the camera.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Cameras down...
"Today they're getting married!
Gon and Treasure, they kiss on the mouth..."
"Issachar Bounty"
I should team you up
with Eliran to organize shelves?
Great idea, huh?
That way we'll create
that rare friendship
that men have in places
like the battlefield or pasta shelf.
Okay, Ramzi, sit down.
Uh... look, Ramzi.
I know that you love being
everyone's friend,
it's important to you
and that's lovely,
but you and Eliran..
I don't think you can be friends.
What? And why not?
Okay, uh... pa pa pa pa....
Look, Eliran is... he's not...
Eliran... he doesn't get along...
with people...
he doesn't get along with people
who are... you know... like...
like you.
People who are like me?
What... allergic to carambola?
No, no, no,
it has nothing to do with carambola.
Perhaps my knee creaks?
I put toilet paper to absorb the noise...
No, no, no, Ramzi, it's not that,
it's not the knee creaks.
Then maybe the unique fold in my shirt?
I don't have to pull up the sleeve.
It's not about the unique fold either.
-It's when I sweat...
Ramzi, it's not about carambola
or unique folds or knee creaks.
Then what is it?
-Do you really want to know
why Eliran doesn't want to be your friend?
-Of course.
"Issachar Bounty"
During my daily inspection
of the storeroom
I notice something unusual.
It seems that under one of the boxes
Mr. Eliran placed a form of...
Now!
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding..."
No, Kohava, seriously?
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Guys, stop filming.
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-Let's go to lunch.
We're going for lunch.
"Today they're getting married,
"Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?"
Shimi, I think they're on to me.
Three smurfs just came in
with a sniffing dog.
Must be Ramzi the Amalekite. Tfu!
Eliran Mutzafi?
-Ah, something wrong?
We have information
you're hiding army weapons here.
We have a search warrant.
Dude, you must be dreaming.
Search, there's nothing here.
You're wasting your time.
-Go ahead. Search.
Nothing here, huh?
Toss em out.
Not the onions,
what are you doing?! -Quiet!
I told you you're wasting your time.
At least you took Chompy for a walk.
-Come, I'll walk you out.
Mr. Eliran. -Huh?
Forgive me,
I didn't have time to tell you
that I relocated your box
of requisites this morning.
You?
I hope it's to your liking.
It's just...
past experience taught me
that when the smurfs come to visit
the storeroom
is the first place they look.
You saved me.
I feared you'd get in trouble
for an innocent childish prank.
You Arabs...
What'll I do with you, Ramzi?
I'm on probation,
if they find the grenades...
You fuckin' saved my life.
-That's... what friends do, no?
I swear, you're one of a kind.
What's your story?
-I don't know, I'm... Ramzi.
Lay off! Are you nuts?
-I'm sorry... Let's pick up onions.
Did I tell you or not?
Eli ran and I are meant to!
Making friends is my specialty.
"Listen up, you Arabs...
Not you, Ramzi.
We don't forgive
The chorus remains
"May your village burn..."
-Not yours, Ramzi.
"May your village burn..."
-Not yours.
"May your village burn"
-Not yours, Ramzi.
"May your village burn,
May your village burn!"
Not mine!
I don't have any excuses.
I swear, I tried to hate him,
I did my best, no can do.
The man is pure gold.
He cares, loves, helps. His Jabjooba
is better than Grandma Harira's.
My Harira, not his.
That man saved me from the pigs!
I could've been in jail.
He even loves my favorite show,
"La Familia".
That guy who plays the psychologist,
Norman something?
I'm crazy about him.
What's his accent anyways?
Norman, is he Bukharan?
Yes. -I knew it!
I knew it, Bukharan, dang.
Norman, Norman,
I'm crazy about him.
So the mongol peacock
in the trunk goes "Ah! Ah!"
The pig asks "What's that?"
So Zachi goes: "You ass, it's the engine!"
Eliran.
Shimi.
Itzik.
Zion.
Zachi.
-Hey, Zachi?
You look like Zion.
Wait, is this the famous Zachi?
What an honor, Mr. Zachi. Truly.
Who is this?
-Nice to meet you, I'm...
Rafi. He works here.
Rafi? Are you kidding me?
His tag says "Ramzi Abed Ramzi".
Eliran, you start mixing
with Abdul Ramzis now?
He's nervous,
but the answer is yes.
Mixing? Who's mixing?
He just works here.
Don't bust my balls, I saw you.
Another minute,
you were going to kiss.
Hey, hey, hey!
Shimi, watch yourself.
Don't make me out to be some Israel hater!
-I know what I saw, Eliran.
Don't you dare show your face
at the club anymore.
You piece of traitor scum.
Let's go.
How about a little macchiato?
We can work this out... No?
No, that's okay.
"It's a wedding ding ding"
Move or shove off.
"It's a wedding ding ding
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?
Gon and Treasure
"Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure."
What's this? What's this?
You said you want a dog in the clip.
-Their dog!
Gon and Treasure's dog,
Bandit!
Who needs an anonymous dog?
Explain it to me!
Good one, Ramzi.
Once again you came to bless
but cursed instead.
I'm pretty sure it's not your fault.
Those guys can't relate...
you know, to people like you.
-They have every right.
What?
-Not everyone has to like me.
I don't like myself all the time either
Often I feel like... punching myself.
Ramzi, you called?
I wanted to say...
What are you doing, you mongol?
What have I done to you, Mr. Eliran?
-What? -No, Mr. Eliran!
Dude, you're messed up, I vow,
what's with you? -Mr. Eliran!
Oh boy...
Shimi, what are you doing here?
-Dude, you texted us to come back.
I texted you? -Yes.
No, no, not them too?!
Wasn't that enough... -Huh?
What you did to me?
-He pulverized him.
Please, Mr. Eliran,
I'm begging you!
I promise not to come near you
I won't come near,
just don't beat me anymore.
I said there's no way
Eliran would be friends with Amalekite.
True dat. -Word.
-Right, Eliran?
Of course not,
what were you thinking?
I was faking it 'coz the manager is
a fuckin' rat. You didn't let me explain.
Get the hell cuta here.
Go, go, go.
Eliran, I'm sorry, buddy.
My mistake. I vow I was wrong.
That's okay.
Itzik.
-Nice job, dude.
Okay, catch you later.
-Bye, man.
Ramzi, what did you do?
-What any true friend would do.
Ramzi... I don't know what to say.
No, no, no, not there.
-Where?
My body. It hurts.
Get over here.
The cut in my forehead will pass
and with it the bruises on my back
and the...
hematoma in my groin.
But the friendship
between Mr. Eliran and I
will remain forever.
Ofer Kriaf has the ball.
And Issachar Shkedi wards 'em off.
Give it here.
Eliran Mutzafi, you're under arrest.
Anything you say can be used...
-!*£... Let go!
Go on, cuff him.
-Let go, I'll chew your eye...
Quiet, calm down,
it won't hurt so bad.
You pig, just you wait.
-Let's go. -Ah!
Beitar rules!
-Be strong, Eliran!
Beitar is pure forever!
So... the smoke grenades
were just the tip of the iceberg.
It seems that Eliran turned
the vegetable fridge into an armory.
"Issachar Bounty"
I thought that after all these years
you'd know not to cross Kohava.
Anyways, I want to thank you
for backing down
and sending me the clip.
It came out awesome.
I didn't agree to send you anything.
-Oh, really?
Well, I have it.
You want to see how it turned out?
'll show you.
Fine.
The book that impacted me the most
was "Pot of Pots."
"It's a wedding ding ding..."
-What's this?
No, Kohava!
-"It's a wedding ding ding..."
So not right!
-"Wedding..."
'Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"They kiss on the mouth
Gon and Treasure
"So what if they're boys?
Gon and Treasure
'Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure
"It's a wedding din ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"They met in the supermarket
Two hours later he texted him
"Come come come
'They've been together since
Until he cheated on him
"It happens, sweetie
The check, in what amount
"More, sweetie
Don't be misers
"More, sweetie
"Like some people I know
"Uncle Sammy
Oh, sweetie
"Today they're getting married
Gon and Treasure
"A bangin' mother in law!
Gon and Treasure
Tell your friends
"Gon and Treasure
Gon and Treasure
"Gon and Treasure
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding
"It's a wedding ding ding
It's a wedding ding ding."
Ah?
Ah?
The guests will love it.
-And that geek wanted 1,000.
You want to be in the credits?
I'm a good friend.
At least 750 people will see it...
So, you re sorry, huh?
I'll put you in, don't worry.
It's not really my style...
It will be.