Cash Register (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 13 - Battle of the Air-Conditioner - full transcript

Kan 11 presents

"Issachar Bounty"

They're nuts. -Who?
-The boys, who else.

They put the a/c on full blast again.

Every summer, they piss me off.
The boys freeze the supermarket

and we have to wear coats
in the middle of August. -It's so annoying.

You I get,
but me with my body,

people waited all winter
to get a load of me.

We have to lower it
before we get pneumonia.

Wow, thanks,
I didn't think you'd offer.

What?! -"What?!"
You go, I'm ringing someone up.



So am I. -I mean for real, Kohava,
not your stupid game.

"Cashier 2000".

It's a new game. I recommend it.
Sital downloaded it for me.

It's as if you're a cashier
and you ring up products.

You get products like chicken and...
grapes, you name it.

A big strawberry, not skulls,

that's not in the supermarket,
so you're disqualified. Get it?

It's an awesome game,
a great way to pass the shift.

Wouldn't it be better, you know,
to ring up real products?

How can you even compare?

In "Cashier 2000",
for every product you ring up

you get thousands of points
and compliments -

"amazing," "outstanding,"
"spectacular," "awesome."

The one compliment I got
at the real register was:



"Of all the cash registers,
yours is the least smelly."

To be honest, I was flattered.

Please, Esti, go. It's Friday,
it's such a busy day. Tons of skulls.

I went three times already.
So now you know the way.

Okay, fine.
Esti ain't my besty.

A 10 meter walk, big deal!

Hey, Naomi, how are you?
It's freezing, huh?

Girl, I shoved my head
in the freezer to warm up.

Yeah, Esti's cold too.
-Kohava, enough.

Then why didn't you say so?
-No, no, no, no...

that won't help,
she needs the a/c to be lowered.

You got it, black panther.
How many degrees? -No, it's alright,

Kohava said she'd go.
-I said I got this.

She said she got this.
-But you owe me, huh?

Shit! Shit! Shit!
I'm getting mushrooms fired on me!

Are you happy now?

"Checkout"

A ruminant animal, four letters.

Goat.

Oh!

Good morning manly man and beyond.
-100 grams ground turkey. -Coming up.

And you give me two chicken thighs.

Give me two chicken thighs.
Make 'em fresh. -He's got you.

But you're available, no?
-He's got you.

I asked if you're available.

Yes. -Then two thighs.

But no feathers this time,
this ain't no festival in Rio.

Sir, what don't you get?
One butcher is taking care of you.

One butcher per customer.
-No, it's a section per customers

and I am the customers
and you'll serve me as a section.

The nerve.
You're not busy as it is.

She's not busy either,
the manager isn't either,

the government isn't either,
so they'll all get you chicken thighs?

If I was passed out on the floor

and he was administering CPR,
you wouldn't help him?

Would you say,
"It's one paramedic per fainter"?

No, Sir, God forbid.
Both of us would let you die.

Those damn females. -What?
-Can't you feel it?

They turned down the a/c.
-Of course I feel it, so rude.

Get his turkey for me.
"Get his turkey for me"?

He's getting me thighs. Hey! Bozo!

What's his name? -Oh.
-Hey!

We gave women the right to vote,
we let them drive,

now they want a say
when it comes to the a/c?

What's next?
A woman chief of staff?

We gave a finger,
they want the whole high five.

Damn feminissim.
-Feminism. -No Nissim?

Good morning. -Morning, dear Shuni.
How are you? -Great.

I have a new baby.

I knew it. -Yes.
-Everyone argued with me

and I said: Look at her bump.
They said: Can't be, a woman her age,

and I said: Can be, a woman her age!
and I was right!

My new book,
"A Lie Has No Legs."

You look very beautiful.
-Thank you.

You dress is... What's the book about?
-Ah, find out for yourself. -It's for me?

Wow, thank you so much.
I'd love to read the book you wrote,

it's just... I'm the manager,
I don't have the time, I'm very...

I have books by my bed
since the Stone Age.

Maybe you should give it to someone
who has time on their hands.

Let's say... Ramz... no.
Uh... Kohava. -Kohava?

I'd rather toss the book in the garbage.
Go on, read it, it will change your life.

That good? -Trust me.
-What can I say?

I can only say thank you
and thank you again.

With love, dear.
-You're a true friend. -25 shekels.

Instead of 50, a discount for friends.
I'll even write a dedication.

Remind me your name?

What's up, Anna and Elsa?
-Hello, excuse me. There's a line.

You think it's funny?
You froze our asses off.

Here, warm up.

It's the middle of August, Missy.

The man came from Moldova,
he won't survive over 25 degrees.

You want him to go bad?
Smell him, he's starting to rot.

Don't you dare put it on 17 degrees.

When I start getting hot flashes,
we'll talk. -It's not just us, Kohava,

it's all the human beings.

You, what do you put
your a/c on at home? -3.

The a/c. How many degrees?
-A/c? Who am I, Rothschild?

I have a desk fan.
It does a great job.

A/c, right... I open the windows, there's
a great breeze from the fluttering laundry.

You know how much power
an a/c consumes?

Dozens of shekels per month.
And for what? Air?

If I want cool air,
come to the supermarket.

Why do you think I'm always here?
For their worm meat?

Put off thy shoes when you talk to me!
-"Put off thy shoes"? -Put them off!

Stop, off, confirm!

Confirm! Confirm.

What's going on?
-"What's going on?"

Guys, stop, off, confirm!
-I'm dying! -Confirm.

Confirm.

That's enough.
We must reach a compromise.

Yes, he'll get me my turkey
and he'll get me my thighs.

Amnon, one thing at a time.

Stop it! Tell me what temperature
you want the a/c on. -47.

The maximum is 30.
-We want 25. -Okay.

Whatever my pretty says. -26.
-Okay, guys, what do you want?

16. -Yes.
-Okay, it's not that complicated,

we'll have to reach the middle.
-Did I tell you to say 47?

Guys, from now on
the a/c is on 21 degrees,

no one touches it, c'est tout.
Now everyone shake hands.

Go on, shake hands.

Come on, shake, shake, shake.

Very nice. Good for you.

"Let the sun rise..."

You didn't interfere in the fights
over the air conditioning.

To be honest...
I'm torn between the two camps.

There are advantages
to every temperature.

If it's hot, my hands get sweaty
and it helps me peel onions.

If it's cold, I shiver,
it's good for scrubbing shelves.

I'm game.

Itzik, do you know
why your cousin didn't get back to me?

Tell him, because...

Yes? -Well?
-What? -How's the book?

Oh, the book! Oy, yes.

I didn't have any time this week,
one event after another.

Each episode of "Married at First Sight"
is an event to me.

It's not my fault it's on every day.

But I'll get to it.
I'll get to it tonight, I promise.

For you, not for me.
I read it already.

Why don't you open another register?

If there's a sentence I love it's...
"Why don't you open another register?"

Human nature refined into one sentence.
It should be in the anthem.

"Onwards towards the east,
Why don't you open another register?"

Of course.

Hold on a sec, Kakun.

Tell me, aren't you the neighbor
who lives with his mother?

Could be.
-Benassuli, the new neighbor.

Anyway, save my place,
I'm after you.

Yes, Kakun.
I'm at the supermarket.

If there's a sentence I hate it's...
"Save my place, I'm after you."

Do I work for you?
I have to fight your battles?

Thank God, I have my own battles,
I'm fully booked until 2030!

There's someone after me...

There's someone after me,
this is his cart.

There's someone after me!
-I work here. -Okay, excellent.

Then tell everyone
there's someone after me.

Do something instead of...
walking around all day...

There's someone after me.
-Someone? I don't see someone.

There's someone after me!
He just remembered something.

Oh, he's that type.
Dude can remember at home.

He left his cart here.
-"He left his cart." -Yes.

Look at that, I left my gum,
I spit it out here last week.

What does that mean?
Ah, that I'm ahead of you in line.

What's going on? Whose cart is this?
-He says there's someone after him.

The Invisible Man shops at a supermarket?
I'm honored.

No, he said he remembered something.
-Ah! The remembering type. -Yeah.

I knew it.
I knew this would happen.

He left his cart and took off!
Dude found himself a babysitter!

Man! Man!

Neighbor! -Get moving...
-Big neighbor!

Neighbor! -Go on, move,
he's not behind you.

Yeah, what do you care?
Is he your neighbor?

Did he tell you he's after you?
No, he told Amnon.

Everything happens to Amnon!
Everything happens to Amnon!

And who do they get mad at?
Amnon!

Okay, that's your story?
Don't worry, leave it to us.

What do you mean?
-You told us someone's after you,

we didn't listen. You're good.
Now it's between him and us.

Between you and him?
-You fulfilled your task. -Right. -Chill.

Yes, I fulfilled the task.
-Yes. -Yes. -Okay.

What's this?!
I told you to save my place.

Yes, I told them you're after me.
-It doesn't look like it.

I told them, but they didn't listen.
They said it's between you and them.

That's what they said,
between you and them.

Did he say anything to you?
-That he doesn't know whose cart that is.

What?! -You don't say.
-I heard him say it too.

We insisted, we asked,
"Whose cart is this?"

I asked him too.
But no, he's on mute.

See not, hear not, speak not.
-This is unbelievable.

Please, go before us, we didn't know.
-It's not your fault he's a jerk,

'll wait.
-I'm the jerk in all of this?

I risked my life
for your place in line!

And you have the nerve to bust my balls?!
You have some nerve, I say!

I have some nerve, huh?
Wait till we get to the elevator.

You're on the ground floor.
-I'll get on the elevator for you.

Come on, go before us.
-Be our guest.

You just remembered something.
-Sure.

Tell them I'm closed after you.
-What? -Tell them I'm closed.

Me again? What is this?

I don't have anything better to do
than convey messages?

Tell them yourself, for God's sake!
Does it say "mailman" on my forehead?

Do I work for you?
And in the end I'm the jerk!

Am I a jerk, I ask you?!
Am I a jerk?

Forgive me, Sir.
Forgive me, Mr. Rami.

Take my turn in line.

A poet writes the whole song,
a songwriter only writes the chorus,

he's the "chorus man."

He gets laborers to write the verses
'coz he couldn't be bothered.

I don't believe it.
Dude, they violated the agreement.

That is so rude, so rude!
-And I don't get why I'm grouchy.

Nissim! Nissim!

Have you no shame?
-Hey, hey, Nissim, don't shout,

this isn't your home
and I'm not your wife.

Your handshake is worthless.
All of you! -What do you want?

I'm this close to getting a gold skull.

You think we wouldn't notice
that you put it on 26?

Oh, that's why it's warm and cozy.
Good for you, Esti.

I didn't touch it.
-Kohava, don't piss me off.

We said no touching the a/c.
-Naomi! -Huh? Did you touch the a/c?

No. But if Esti asks me to, I'll pick the a/c
for her and make a pendant out of it.

Maybe the a/c wants to be on 26?
Let it be what it wants to be.

That's how it is?
-That's how it is.

You'll regret this day.

You want war?
You'll get war.

"The winter is coming..."

"And the Oscar goes to..."
Way to go, Esti.

Esti ain't my besty,
but she's no fool.

I didn't touch it, Kohava.

Yes, dear Shuni. -Well?
-What?

Oy! The book, you're right.

Yes, wow.

and I was going to read it

and I got a very important phone call.

A satisfaction survey
for a Pilates ball. That I bought.

Today, today, I promise.
-For you. Not for me.

When you'll want your life
to change... read it.

What's with the freezing cold?
-What do you think? -Them again?

No problem,
'm gonna cut off all their fingers.

Next time they lower the temperature,
it'll be with their nose. Come with me.

What's this?
-They changed the mechanism!

I'm an amateur electrician
by profession. -A true amateur.

And Kohava, as we know, wanted war.

They change the temperature,
we change the whole mechanism.

From now on,

only the men in the supermarket
have access to the temperature.

Genius, Nissim.

How did you think that up?
-Do you know who I am?

So how do we lower it?
-They must have a remote control.

Excuse me?
Were you referring to this?

What's that, Nissim? -A picture
of the remote that controls the temperature.

Where is it? -Here it is.
-Nissim, don't get me all heated up.

I thought you're cold.

You see this?
You can look, but you can't touch.

That's what happens
when you mess with the Nissim.

And the Anatoly. -Who's messing?
We told you we didn't touch the a/c.

Then who did? The a/c fairy?
-You have 3 seconds to return the remote.

One,

two

and... three.

Better put on some sunscreen
'coz you're on your way to hell.

Let's go, Esti.

Come.

Kohava, you want the picture to go?

This is so embarrassing,

I didn't read one page from her book
because I was on the phone

with the Pilates ball rep.
-He called again?

No, I called him.

There were all kinds of...
points to preserve that I thought...

I didn't want it
to fall between the cracks.

Shira! -Yes.
-Shira. -Yes.

If we weren't friends
I'd think you're avoiding me.

Me, avoid you?
I didn't recognize... so...

So, did you read it?

What?

All of it?

Of course, I couldn't take...
my hands off the book. My eyes.

And?

Excellent! Excellent!
-I'm moved that you think so.

What did you like?
-From the book? Inside the book?

What did I like?

What did I like? I liked the book
and I liked the... entirety.

I liked the entirety,
I liked the rich use of words

and I could hear good ideas
and a voice, I heard your inner voice,

and that's what I liked the most,
your voice.

I'm so glad that's what you think.
-Really, could I think otherwise?

Can I make another tiny request?
-What?

I want to film you saying that
so I can post it on Facebook -

"People recommend the book."
-I'd rather not...

Just a second.
-Okay. -Action.

I'm here with Shira Steinbum.
-Steinbuch. -Steinbuch.

The distinguished manager
of "Issachar Bounty" in Yavne

and she wants to share her thoughts
on my new book - "A Lie Has No Legs."

Go ahead, Shira.

Hello, "A Lie Has No Legs"
is a literary piece that is...

the most justified and important
that I... recently read

and I read tons of books.

In local literature we are lacking
a voice like that, if I may.

And that's it.
-"Buy it, buy it."

Buy it. Like.

Priceless.
I'm posting it now.

I'll even do pay-per-click marketing.
And remember... -Yes.

When someone throws sand in your eyes...

From the book, the key sentence.
-I know... it's from the book.

When someone throws sand in your eyes...
-Sand in your eyes...

Rinse your naivete in water.
-In water.

And dish it out twice as much.
-Twice as much!

Goodbye, Shira.
-You changed my life. Thank you.

"Issachar Bounty"

Holy Moses! -What?
-The a-/c, the a/c! -What about it?

Can't you tell it's 30 degrees?
-30 degrees? How? -Do I know how?

Were any of the girls here?
-No girls. And I turn it off when I leave.

Even if a girl came in,
the remote's in the hideaway.

As secure as the Pentagon.
-In the hideaway? -Sure.

No! -What's wrong?

"Have a warm, pleasant day.
Yours, supermarket women's lib."

Good morning, Anna and Elsa.

Are you looking for this?
-No way! -What's this?

It's a picture

of a remote

that controls the temperature.

Shall I WhatsApp it to you
so you can remember?

Let's go. -Kohava.

Kohava!

I just have one question to ask.
Are you an idiot or brainless?

Is that the question?

How stupid can a person be
to post something like that?

Here. Take a look.

Here you are, recommending
a book by that lunatic, Shuni.

"A Lie Has No Legs."
-So what's wrong with that?

Did you read the book?
Do you know what it's about?

It's a book about a lie that doesn't...
-We're the lie! The supermarkets!

The whole book she rags on supermarkets
that sell toxic, cancerous food.

That's what you recommended
for the world to see on Facebook!

You have 30 minutes to delete it,
you hear me?

Otherwise, delete, no more Riki!
No more Riki!

And turn up the a/c,
it's hot as hell in here!

Shira.

Nissim, calm. Calm!
I'm from Moldova, I'm hotter.

Alright, I'm sorry. I know.
-Go to my car, get the pocket fan.

Calm down. It's open.

Some heat, huh? -Hot, huh?
-It's impossible to work like this.

Catastrophe, but okay.
We'll manage. -We'll manage, huh?

What?

What's that?
-You're a/c in the car is on heat.

In the middle of August.
-So?

What does that mean?
-I wasn't sure either,

so I went through your phone,
accessed the voicemail

and Io and behold:
"Kohava, the remote's under the closet,

"under the third tile. On the right.

"Nissim doesn't know,
he thinks I'm with him."

Nissim, calm.
And you say a Moldovan needs cold.

Are you Moldovan
or did you make that up too?

I'm Moldovan, Nissim,
I'm Moldovan, I swear on Mamutchka,

but our village was
like the Miami of Moldova,

it's sauna all year round, Nissim.
I can't stand the cold, I can't.

I'm a chicken-shit Moldovan, Nissim!
-Then why didn't you tell me?!

When I came to this country
everyone said: That Russian,

he's never cold,
he wears undershirt in snow,

he drinks vodka with bears,
he plays balalaika.

I don't want to let anyone down, Nissim.
I've been branded, damn it!

You sold out your friend
for a few degrees! For the enemy!

Nissim...

Thank you.

Shuni!

Shuni.
-Oh, my number one fan.

Do you know that thanks to you
people ordered 34 books?

You have to delete it.
-What, the recommendation? Why?

Because I...
I didn't really read the book.

What? -I started reading it
and then... I fell asleep.

You fell asleep? -Yes,
and I felt very bad, so I said I read it,

but I didn't and I can't support
the things you say in the book.

And now I'm going to be fired.
You have to delete the recommendation.

I'm afraid not.
-I'm afraid yes.

You asked for the book,
you read it, I didn't force it on you.

You shoved the book into my hand,
you charged me 25 shekels,

you came in every day
to see if I read the book,

you said your book would change my life.
-And it's changing your life, I didn't lie.

Shuni, my career is on the line.

You know what? I'll delete it.
-Thank you.

If you recommend another book of mine.
-No problem. You have another book?

Just one? I have tons.

"The Great Vaccine Lie."

"The Earth is Round? Think Again."

"Being Poor - Fate or Pure Laziness?"

Take your pick.

Nissim.

Nissim!

Nissim, I won't survive this, Nissim!
I'm from the Miami of Moldova!

I'm afraid,
I have porous skin, Nissim!

Nissim!
I don't want to be chicken wings!

The book is very courageous,
it opens the mind,

"Who Started It All?"
The truth about violence against doctors.

Chapeau, chapeau.
I say chapeau.

That's it? -Excellent.

Keep the book. 30 shekels.

I'm after you, alright?
-No, no, no, no...

No. you're not after me!
Come here, where are you going?

Do I work for you? Hello!
Don't you hear what I'm saying?

.. I told you to get back here.
Take your cart! -

Translation: Tammy King
Subtitles: Trans Titles Ltd.