Cash Register (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 12 - Avichai's Living the Dream - full transcript

Kan 11 presents

"Happy Birthday Avihai"

That's him, he's coming,
be ready. -Sshhh...

That's not Avihai.
-Mr. Ramzi,

you can't keep saying
"that's him."

Enough, I'm having a cig.
-No! No! Kohava, please,

you'll ruin the surprise,
don't be so selfish.

Me? Selfish?
She says I'm selfish.

We've been standing here
like scarecrows. -Kohava...

No talking, no peeing, no cig.
-She's right.

Got a heart attack?



Hold off with the ambulance,
first the surprise! -What surprise?

Surprise!

Gotta light?

"Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday, dear Avihai..."

"Hey ho tra-lala,
another year has passed."

Our Avihai is celebrating 50 years

and I decided to throw him
a surprise party a la Steinbuch.

This is for you, Avihai.

Just a sec. Excuse me.

Well?

Now you do this to me?

Didn't you check it?

Here.

"I met him in the desert



"A beautiful sunset, a sad heart

"The little prince from B company

"Will see no more sheep
in the meadow..."

Beautiful.

"Where are the people like...

"That man..." -Thank you.

"Who was like the weeping plains..."

Okay, that's enough.

You son of a gun.
gimme a hug.

Sure. -Not you.

Your birthday is in June too, huh?
-Yes, yes. -I saw it on Facebook.

How about we cut the cake?
-Cake, cake. -No, no.

Touch it at your own peril.

Nice.

I'm waiting for our second surprise,

who is texting me that she's parking
and it's Ofra.

Ofra? My Ofra?

I thought this would be
a fine opportunity to meet...

the woman behind...

Ofra! -Ofra!
-No, no, no...

We heard so much... -No, no. -Ofra?
-She's not Ofra, that's Ofra.

So sorry I'm late,
was roasting eggplant, I stink.

Happy birthday, peanut.

I'm crazy about you.
-What an amazing couple.

Checkout

- "Avihai lives the dream" -

Hey, Avihai, you're still here.

Yes, and thank you for the brouhaha,
I appreciate it.

It's not every day you turn 50, huh?
-Soon you'll see.

I'm 31.

You know, you're really going places.
-You think so?

Yes, you know
what kooky managers we have?

One wanted to start each day
with 30 minutes of yoga.

That was my idea.
-Oh, you're right,

you just used to be fatter
so I didn't see it.

Tell me, that woman that came in,
the one you thought was Ofra,

the one with... you know, the...
-Yes, I know who you mean.

Did you really think she's my wife?
-Yes, and I apologize, Avihai,

never saw Ofra before

and in her profile pic
she's drinking soup from a bowl

so you only see her eyebrows.

Wait, and you could see one like that
being my wife?

Uh... why not?

I mean, you're a successful man
and... charismatic and...

hygienic. -Why not?
Really, why not?

I mean, a man has to reach 50
before the telecard drops.

For 12 years I haven't seen her i'Di anything
but that gray sweatsuit,

like some character in a cartoon.
-Okay, that doesn't mean...

I'm not saying the whole shebang,
botox, shmotox, but something.

Mascara, blush, lipstick.

You're right, you're right,
I deserve more. 9

No, no, no, Avihai, I didn't..,
-Riki, Riki, thank you,

I see clearly now. -Avihai...
-Thank you, thaia-k you.

Thank you.

It's Shira..

Clear the shelves,
hot produce is back on the market!

Esti, love the tights.

That's it, I separated from Ofra,
I closed down shop,

did what we said.

You're right, I deserve more.
Oh! Bless your heart!

I'm the man.

How is that what he understood
from what I said?

Kohava, I don't understand,
why is your register closed again?

Hold on.
I'm counting money.

Is that your money?
-Money is money.

Is my money less good
than the money in the register?

No, but shouldn't do that
during a shift... -Shit, hide me.

What is it?
-Shit, hide me.

Bulisa Arbiv.
-Who is that?

My 11th grade homeroom teacher.
-Then why are you so scared?

Say hello to her.
-Let's just say we weren't lovebirds.

No one gets along
with their high school teachers.

Except me, actually.
In high school I was a teacher's magnet.

On field trips I always
sat in front with the teachers.

It was a blast.

It's a bit more than not getting along.
-Why? What happened?

Kohava, what happened?
-11th grade, history class,

I'm at my regular place,
with the guard by the gate,

I wasn't into studying,
you know, seven months pregnant...

In any case, Yakov and Slava,
the Nissim and Anatoly of high school,

said to me: "Kohava, how about
an imitation of Bulisa in the bathroom?"

That's where I used to imitate teachers.

As soon as I begin,
dead silence, not a word.

I turn around, who do I see?
Ms. Bulisa.

I'll never forget it,
as if it was yesterday.

She approached me,
in front of all my friends,

"Kohava Shavit," she said,
"today you may be laughing,

"but when you end up a cashier,
you won't laugh so much."

Why did she say that to you?
-I don't have a clue.

Maybe it's because the day before
we let the air out of her tires.

You know how it is,
an end of high school tradition.

You said you were in 11th grade.

Yes, but I knew
couldn't be bothered with 12th grade.

It's no place for a mom with two kids.

I said to myself: Kohava,
you will never, but never,

end up a supermarket cashier.

Kohava,

I wish I could go back
to your high school and hug you.

No, just hide me.

Well, well, Kohava Shavit,
look at this.

I think you're mistaken.
-How could I be?

same bleach, the same makeup.
-The same cheetah body.

The same humor.

What are you doing here?

She's the manager.

Oh.

Yes, she's the manager here

until they snatch her up
manage the whole chain.

Thank you, Big Boss.

Thank you for replacing me,
but my break is over, Boss. -What?

My break is over. -Ah. Sure.
-Whenever we get tired,

Kohava the manager is quick
to replace us. She's an amazing boss.

Manager Kohava Shavit. Why not?

THE manager.

Let's see what you bought.
Tomatoes. We'll weigh them.

Vegetables... what's the code?
-621. -Thank you.

She remembers everything...

No, that's not the tomatoes code.

Boss, I'll need a cancelation.

A cancelation.

Ah.

Thank you. -Next time remember
that it's not 621. -I'm sorry.

I'm no angel, I'm no saint,
I had to do something.

saw Kohava the child,
bleached hair, small,

frightened and humiliated
in front of the whole class.

Thank you.

Thank you. Have a good day.
-You too. -Your bags.

What...

Why did you do that?

Because you're my employee
and you needed help

and we're a kind of... family.

Keep going, keep going.

I let the other employees know
that when Bulisa comes in,

they should pretend
that Kohava's the manager.

Why not? It could be nice.

Getting into character,
checking the acting skills.

I'm aware of my acting skills,
what with the poetry slams.

Want me to show you
a little something?

"Wahid, ithnan, thalathat, arba."
One, two, three, four.

One, me.
Two, you.

You and I will make love.

Believe me,
that Riki showed me what's what.

That's it, it's time to live the dream.
To upgrade the iPhone, as they say.

And upgrade it to the best model.

Whoa. -Esti!
-Avihai, you wanted to talk to me?

Yes, yes. Come in.
-Is something wrong?

No, of course not.
I'm just tasting deluxe wine,

maybe we'll sell them.
How about helping me out?

I'm on shift, I can't just...
-It's okay.

So the chain manager
will get mad.

I'm the chain manager...
Come on in.

No, no, no...
turn it off.

The wine needs a dark place.
The light is no good.

Come in, sweetheart.
Turn it off and come in.

Sit down, darlin'.

Well?’ How are you, Esti?
-Fine.

You like working here?

pour you some wine to taste.

Stop, stop. -Here, drink.
It's a little, you have to taste.

Cheers. Cheers.

Sip it.

Drink, drink.

Esti, I didn't tell you,
but I dabble in poetry.

Really?
-Yes.

I'll read you a poem,

a nice poem that I wrote.
-Avihai, I really have to get back...

No, it's fine, it's fine, trust me.
Listen.

"The beauty in black,
braids on her head,

"she mans cashier no. 3.

"She looks amazing in tights,
drinks 'Zero' in summer,

"I will buy her sweets
and we will kiss in the fields.

"When she is not there,
it bums me out,

"Her name is Esti."
Well? Nice?

Look, Avihai,
I know you just separated

and I'm flattered
that you're wooing me,

but you're my boyss
and I have a boyfriend,

so this is so not...
-Wooing you? What?!

I invite all the employees for talks.

I wrote a poem for each one.
-Okay. -Yes.

I even wrote a poet for Ramzi.
Look, I swear.

Our Ramzi is awesome,
nice to everyone...

"and awesome too." There.

So we're done? I can go?
-Sure, go. Am I keeping you here?

Wooing her.

On the Sabbath you can light a cigarette
if you recite the "kindle" blessing.

Tell me, did we get a shipment
of fresh meat?

Or is it Avihai, our hot stuff!
-How's it going, Banderas?

Well, how's the single life?
-You know. Living the dream.

You got "Tinder"?
What for, I have an Audi.

No, "Tinder." -What?
-You're such a museum, Avihaisky.

It's an app with girls.

Left.

Wait, I don't get it. All these girls
on "Tinder" and I just have to choose?

If a girl gives you butterflies,
you swipe right.

If she's a catastrophe like this...
Left.

How do you know so much
about "Tinder"?

It came out after you met Masha.
-Wikipedia...

Don't tell me you're on "Tinder,"
you're married, you moron.

So what? It's not for me,
I don't use it, I just...

log in, see what's new,
it's like a newspaper for me.

Wait, why is that one left?
-A man, like you,

charismatic, a manager, hygienic,

you need girls who are ten and up.

Ten and up?
-Sure, no less.

Okay, look... -What?
-This girl is a ten. -Okay.

What now? -We wait to see
if she's into you.

It takes seconds, minutes.
-Okay, fine.

We can expand the database
to nines and eights too. -Yeah.

Then we'll go back to the tens,
just to get the thing going.

Okay, let's get it going.
-Here.

Sevens are good too.

They say that five is the new seven.

What are threes after all?
Fives that can't take pictures. -Ah.

These days,
men are an option too. -Dude...

You're back,
thank you very much...

Patience never hurt anyone.

Oy. Shira, Shira.
-Excuse me. Where are you going?

No, Kohava, not now.
-Is that any way to talk to your manager?

I'm sorry, manager, forgive me.
-Then go.

Your register won't swipe diapers
on its own.

Manager, can I just finish...
-Finish nothing.

She thinks I work for her.
Go on, now, to the cash register.

Move your fat ass.
-Kohava, no need to humiliate me.

She knows that would be my style
if I were a manager.

She'll be right with you.

How can I help you?
Ah. I didn't recognize you.

It's for a good cause,
it's for a good cause...

With all due respect to Bulisa,
she's gone too far.

She fired me in front
of all the employees, so rude.

Guys, I understand,
but I did some sniffing around

and Bulisa is only here for a week
to babysit her grandkids. -A week.

So let's be patient for a day or two.
Patience. -People, people.

Cigarette break is over,
everyone back to work.

Chop chop!
Kohava, Bulisa's not even here.

I know, I'm practicing,
this is hard, so play along.

The supermarket won't work on its own.
Let's go. -Patience, play along,

she needs this.
-Let's go, enough chitchat.

Move it! And I fired you.
Grab your stuff and get your ass home.

It's not funny. -You do some thinking
at home about what you just said.

Kohava, enough. -Nissim,
I won't tell you again.

For God's sake.

Big men, huh?

Managing isn't easy.

You know what I realized, Avihai?
-What? -"Tinder" is not for you.

Where's your strength? -Where?
-In your charisma, face to face.

Look around, just pick.
-Yeah.

Go, go...
-Go already! -Go.

Excuse me, sweetheart,
do you need help?

Avihai.

Ofra.

For 12 years
always in the same gray sweatsuit!

One week without me
and she's a ballistic rocket?

What?
You put me on the market, no?

You said "People shop
because of the packaging"

so I changed the packaging.
-That's some packaging.

Ofi, there was no Gewurtz

so I got Chardonnay, alright?
-Absolutely.

Meet Shalom,
he lives in the neighborhood.

Shalom, Avihai. Avihai, Shalom.
-Nice to meet you.

This is perfect, get another one.
-Alright.

This is all your fault!
-Me? What did I do?

"What did I do?"
You encouraged me to divorce Ofra.

You said, "You deserve more,
you're a hygienic person."

I'm a hygienic person?

Avihai, I just thought
that that woman was Ofra.

So now Ofra's more of a bombshell
than that woman you thought was Ofra.

For 30 years that property
has been giving me grief

and now that I have the building permit,
I'm told, "No form 4!"

I'm not sure I understood the metaphor,
but I can see that you're upset,

so come sit down.
Avihai, sit down a minute.

Look, if you want to get Ofra back,
just remind her why she married you.

I was her master sergeant
and I got her pregnant. -Oh.

No, don't remind her of that.

Listen, you can simply...
woo her in all kinds of ways,

write her cute texts
or buy her a teddy bear hugging a heart.

I'm not taking your advice anymore,
I know exactly what to do.

I think I'll woo her like I once did.

Some cute texts,
a teddy bear hugging a heart.

"Issachar Bounty"

I recommend the purple.
-Oh yeah? Thanks. -Sure thing.

Stevie will appreciate it.
-Stevie? Who's Stevie?

My cat,
he's named after Steve Jobs.

I'm... Shira. Steinbuch.

I'm the supermarket manager.
-Shira. Shira. Oh. Oh.

Shira, why aren't you at your register?
-Kohava. -Don't "Kohava" me.

Please, not now.
-No, now.

Hello. -Hi.
-I'm Kohava, the manager.

How can I assist?
-She said she's the manager.

She's a bit challenged.

No, with all due respect to Ms. Bulisa,
'm going to put an end to this madness.

We want to help you,
but I fear you're going too far.

What do you mean?

Talk to me, Shira.
How can I assist?

Kohava, why don't you just tell her
that you're a cashier?

And then she'll gloat?

Kohava Shavit, you should be proud
of who you are,

you're a single provider,
you have lovely children,

you work hard,
you make... most of us laugh.

So yes, your parents weren't pushers
like mine, but... still...

you can...
be totally proud of who you are.

You know, Shira,
can't believe I'm saying this,

but you're so right.

I am proud of who I am.

Yeah! Yeah!
That's the spirit!

But if I'm going to confess to Bulisa,
I won't be no chump.

I'll leave her a reminder
of the Kohava I was.

Well?

Nothing? -Nothing.

I've been texting her for four days,
stars, starlets, teddies, bears.

Nothing, she won't answer.
I'm such an ass.

I had an awesome wife
and I screwed it up.

Hello.

Ofra!

How... how are you, doll?
-Tell her you're crazy about her ass.

Did you get my messages?
The card?

Tell her you're crazy about her ass.
-I swear, I meant every word.

Her ass. -I swear.
Forget the ass!

The teddy bears worked,
Ofra's giving me a second chance!

I thought she's dating someone.
-Someone? What someone?!

Are you comparing
that sausage dog to me?

I guess she got smart.

Oh my, my heart's racing.

Do I look okay?
-You're fine. -Yeah? Good.

It's not her.
-Ofra.

No, it's not her.

30 years with Ofra
and I've never been so excited.

Avihai.

Ofra.

Bless your heart, those texts,
those teddy bears.

Get over here.

You got something in your teeth.

I gather that Avihai's wooing worked.
-Worked? That Shalom drove me nuts.

"Shave your legs, shave your crotch."

I haven't done that in 12 years,
I'm gonna start now?

But Avihai loves me in sweats,
in his socks.

If that's not true love,
I don't know what is.

Are you replacing your employee?
-Yes, yes, exactly.

Cashier, come here.

Fine, she's the manager.
-What? -You heard me,

she's the manager,
I'm just a cashier.

You were right. Great.
Are you happy now?

This is what became of me, a cashier.

We pretended that I'm the manager
and not a cashier

so you wouldn't get
all full of yourself.

And you know what?
I'm proud of who I am.

am Kohava Shavit,
cashier, Yavne,

I have a nice job,
a chair that doesn't creak

and good friends who are willing
to sacrifice themselves for me

and pretend they work for me.
Where else will you see that?

Where? Thank you,
have a nice day.

Preferred shopper card?
What are you talking about?

You said, I can laugh now,

but when I'm a cashier I'll cry.

I said that? -Hell yeah.
-That was a horrible year.

Everything upset me.
I actually saw a bright future for you.

Like what? -Yes, you were unruly,
you didn't study, you gave me flat tires,

but you were so full of life,

always the center of attention...
always a leader.

I believed that you would be...
a leader. A... lawyer.

Even a minister or Knesset member.

I knew you wouldn't remain
the punk that you were.

Now you tell me?

In any case,
I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Water under the bridge.
-How sweet.

Come here, give me a hug.
-Sure.

What a sweetheart.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Lushi?

Lushi? -Oh, forgive me,
I thought you're my boyfriend,

you look like him.
-I look like your boyfriend?

Even cuter.

You're out of paper.

Huh? -Let's go,
these heels are killing me.

You'll rub lotion on my feet.

Translation: Tammy King
Subtitles: Trans Titles Ltd.