Carters Get Rich (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript
When Harry buys him a car, Tony decides to teach his son the value of money. He takes him to work, but a petty feud with another driver wrecks his plan. Liz and Ellie are accused of wasting an estate agent's time.
Ever wondered what it would be like
if your 11-year-old kid earned more
in a week than you do in a year?
Welcome to my world.
I'm Tony Carter, and this is my
house in Milton Keynes,
the one with the yellow shed.
That's where my son, Harry,
came up with Honc,
an app to help him talk to girls.
Used to be my shed.
I miss my shed.
Anyway, I don't really get
social networking.
_
If I did, I wouldn't drive
a minibus for OAPs,
but it seems to have gone massive.
Harry still can't talk
to girls, though.
Now, some big tech company
wants to pay millions for it.
But will it change us?
Cannonball!
Nah.
Drink, Harry.
Let's get down to business.
Pocket money.
What do you want?
Ten.
Bold. You broke my Mr Tea mug.
I did you a favour.
- Four.
- Eight.
That mug was older than you, five.
All right. Seven.
I can't go lower than seven, Tony.
Don't forget, I also taught you
how to delete your
internet history.
That was useful.
Six, rising to seven,
if you take the blame
for leaving the freezer door
open last night.
So, it was you.
Hm.
Seven rising to eight,
if I don't tell mum
you left the freezer door open
last night.
That's blackmail!
That's business.
Deal.
Same time next Friday?
Yeah. I wouldn't miss it.
Actually, Dad, I got you something.
Oh! What'd you get me?
Oh!
Uh...
Thanks, son.
What do you think of this?
Wallingford Manor.
Am I going into care?
That ship has sailed, love.
Liz, we're not moving.
All right, I know. Doesn't mean I
can't do a bit of window shopping.
We're just buying the windows?
Yeah, that's right, Ellie.
We're going to buy a house
in installments.
We should get the roof first,
in case it rains.
Good thinking, Ells.
Heyyy!
Oh, Harry, what have we said about
not making yourself a victim?
It's his uniform!
He's going to work with me today.
He's 11.
He doesn't want to ride around
in a mobile old people's home.
It smells.
He needs to learn
the value of money.
He's just been out and
bought a car worth 60 grand!
- 80.
- 80?!
So, it's the 4.4 SDV8 diesel?
With Bluetooth phone connection
and voice control
and follow me home lights
are standard.
Oh. No, no!
No, you need to learn your lesson.
Now, I get paid
24.8 grand a year.
So, over 52 weeks that's...
£476.92.
Yeah, exactly.
So, each day I get paid...
Um...
- 97...
- 95.
£95.50...
- 30.
- 32...
38.
£95.38 per day.
Come on then.
That Range Rover's worth God knows
how many working days.
839.
I literally had my hand
upon your bell.
Apologies for disturbing you
on a Saturday,
but I'm afraid there's
some rather important
Honc business.
Ah.
Alone and talking to myself.
How very like school.
Dad, why do all of these buses
have girls' names?
Well, they're all named after
inspirational women.
There's Rosa, there's Boudica,
and this one's mine, Anne.
- Frank?
- Robinson.
I had a thing for strict gingers.
Wish my wife was as dirty
as your bus.
You're not married, Glenn.
Glenn Stringback,
best driver in the depot.
You're the boy who's literally made
out of money, then, are you?
- I suppose. Not literally.
- Where do you keep it all?
- Your training bra?
- Oi! Don't trash talk my son.
What's it like having a kid
that's richer than you, Tone?
Uh, better than having
one I never see.
Hey! I have supervised access
to Galahad once a quarter.
We're hitting Legoland in June.
Next week's rota.
Davina, see you're taking
sexy back.
I'm reducing your shifts.
The other blokes need them
more than you.
Yeah. Me and Annie are taking over
the funeral run.
But I've always done
the funeral run,
they love having me on there.
I always cheer 'em up.
Oh, diddums!
You can dry your tears on
your kid's money, mate.
The nose, not the coins.
That wouldn't work.
Glenn's got a 97%
punctuality record, Tony.
I mean, the man's obviously
a complete tit,
but you can't argue with his stats.
Hey, Davina, what say we go through
the new rota
on the back-seat of my bus?
See if you got any shifts
need filling.
I am never going to have sex
with you, Glenn.
Cool.
Catch you later.
So, you see, Harry,
if you break the cost of things down
into work time hours,
you get a sense of the true value
of things.
What are you doing?
Oh, busted.
Or should I say, mini-busted!
Two minutes and I'll be right back
with you, I promise.
Mr Zebrisky needs Harry to sign off
on some changes to the app.
Well, we're taking some pensioners
to armchair aerobics.
Sorry, Dad, it really can't wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
How did you know where we were?
Come, Watson, I have the nose
- of a bloodhound.
- Oliver!
We've fitted a tracking
device to Harry's phone.
What?!
You might has as well
have tagged him!
It's nothing sinister,
we just simply need to know
the whereabouts of your child
24 hours a day.
In the bus. We're leaving.
But, Dad!
Um, but Tony... Tony, really, um,
I really will get in rather a lot of
trouble if I don't...
Tony! Tony!
Driver!
Oh, sorry! Sorry!
Yeah, I know, but we need
to act rich.
Talk about soaking up the ambiance
and stuff like that.
Can we say I'm the reason
we made loads of money?
Yeah, if you like.
So, how did you make your millions?
I'm a Chinese princess!
But you're not Chinese.
Oh, OK.
What if I say I'm a child genius
who invented a website?
Or we could just say
you're a Chinese princess.
She got knocked up by One Direction.
We don't know which one!
So, this is the atrium.
Oh, my God! It's massive.
Hello!
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
- It's the echo.
- Yes.
If you'd like to follow me
into the drawing room.
There's a room just for...
Actually, Geraldine,
would you mind leaving us,
so we could just look around
on our own?
We want to soak up the ambulance.
We won't touch anything!
♪ Word up
♪ It's the code word
So, Harry, we thought
it might be rather fun
to have a horn sound every
time you get a message on Honc.
Let me run a few of the options.
There's this one....
Not so keen on that one.
Mm-hm. Then there's this one.
Or this.
Or even this one.
My catheter's coming out.
Dad, Peter says his catheter
has come out.
Oh, right. OK.
- Uh, this is what we call a code yellow.
- What about this one?
Actually, I think it's coming down
my trouser leg.
Do you like this one, Harry?
Harry? Harry?
OK, stop!
It's pooling in my shoe.
Oliver, can we do this another time?
Well, I... Wait.
What is that soul-stirring sound?
- Toot?
- No.
Just offering you the
pipe of peace, my friend.
Glenn, you're in the last disabled
parking spot.
- I've got a code yellow.
- Code yellow?
Nasty. That's just
two away from brown.
Of course you can have
the spot, compadre.
In an hour.
I guess there's just some things
money can't buy.
Tony, it's making the seat wet!
I mean, my thinking is
I'll just wear your dad down.
I mean, if we could just get him
to come and see this place.
Ellie, are you having a wee?
Fair enough. I went twice.
There you are!
Out of the pool, now!
Give me a minute.
I knew you two were time wasters.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
We are not time wasters!
Oh, come on!
You can't afford this place!
Oh, we can't, can't we?
Fine.
- We'll buy it.
- Uh, Mum...
Yeah. We'll buy all your houses,
- be like Monopoly.
- Mum.
Ellie, shush.
Mummy's buying a house.
Really?
Yeah.
Actually, no.
But not because
we can't afford it,
but because we haven't
sold our place yet.
We'll take it.
Great!
See? We're not time wasters!
Your oldies love you.
Roy said that you're the best thing
that ever happened to him.
Oh, thanks, pal.
Roy is actually very confused
and thinks I'm his late wife, Mary,
but I'll take the compliment.
You ought to get yourself
one of these, mate.
Always carry one on the dash
in case of little accidents.
Tell me you're not going to be
hanging around all day.
Nope.
Just one drop, finish here,
then bingo.
It's bingo.
You're doing bingo as well?
Yeah. We both know there's only one
disabled spot in Mecca.
Looks like you're going to be eating
my dust again, Carter.
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not racing you, Glenn.
What? Scared your kid will see you
for what you really are,
a less skilled driver
of a long wheelbase
community transport minibus?
Drag racing's illegal in
Buckinghamshire.
Yeah, well, bingo's just over
the Bedfordshire border.
Harry.
Round up the pensioners.
What does this have to do with
teaching me the value of money?
Absolutely nothing.
OK.
Winner gets the funeral run.
And sex with the other
man's wife.
Seriously, Glenn,
you're not married.
- All right, my mum.
- Let's keep it professional.
It's your loss, mate.
She's fit.
But you can't say anything,
nowadays, can you?
To be fair, Bernard, I think that
word's always been racist.
Come on! We're racing Glenn
to Mecca Bingo!
Oh!
I can't even imagine
what that means.
Wait, my hat.
I've left my hat.
- Oh, I'll get it.
- Leave the hat. We need to go now.
No, Harry, I must!
After all,
what is a man
without his hat?
Quick sticks, Bernard, go, go, go!
Are you coming to bed, Mary?
Harry! Harry, wait! Wait!
Oh, bobbins!
This isn't the way!
It's a short cut. I'll show him
who's the hot dog.
It's like Top Gear!
Come on, Dad! Can't we go quicker?
I'm trying, son! I'm trying,
I'm going as fast as I can!
Dad, speed bumps.
How's your catheter, Peter?
Peter?
Dad!
Balls.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
What about them?
Fine, still asleep.
You've rear-ended my beautiful Enya.
She's fitted with front
and rear dash-cams.
This is by no means
an admission of guilt,
but, uh,
is there any way
we can sort this out without going
through the insurance? You know.
No chance! Come tomorrow morning,
somebody's boss
is going to be hearing about
exactly what's happened here.
By what's happened here,
I'm talking about the crash.
When I said somebody's boss,
I meant ours.
- You got that?
- Yeah, I think I got that, Glenn.
Yeah, good.
Just, you know, text me
if you've got any more questions.
Oh, Harry, hello. It's Oliver again.
Look, I'm really, really
rather lost.
I seem to have stumbled into
some sort of inner city ghetto.
There are youths everywhere.
It's the most hellish storm.
- Please, just call me.
- Good afternoon!
Not today, thank you.
I hope it's Niall's.
He's got the nicest clothes.
You do know that you're not actually
pregnant, don't you, Ellie?
What you're looking at there is
mainly cheese.
Oh, yeah. Keep forgetting.
How are you going to tell dad
you sold the house?
I'm not. Don't tell dad.
Never tell dad.
Oh, I've really done it this time.
Mum, are you still
looking at houses?
It's Rightmove. It's addictive.
All right? All right.
What have you done today?
Nothing.
What have you done today?
Nothing.
Excuse me, I'm so terribly hungry,
but I'm afraid
I don't have a reservation.
I don't suppose there's any way
you could possibly accommodate
one for supper?
Very funny.
What are you doing?
Oh! Heated seats.
Mm. Front and rear.
That's good 'cos I thought
I'd wet myself.
Oh, you're not going
to take this back,
Tone.
- I am.
- Honey, just think,
all the things
that we could get up to
on a quiet lay by
with that kind of boot space.
And the seats are wipe clean.
- Wipe clean?
- Mm.
No. No, it's the
thin end of the wedge.
So, we're just going to carry
on as normal
with ten million quid in the bank?
Well, no.
We can, you know,
start shopping at Waitrose,
get a dishwasher?
And buy a new house?
Look, we built this house.
It was you and me,
before all the money.
I just don't want to move.
OK, OK. We won't move.
Why is there a sold sign
in the front of our house?
What?! What?!
That's weird, isn't it?
Must be next-door.
Very annoying.
I'll uh... I'll just, you know,
get rid of it.
You know I could just pay
someone to fix it?
Yeah. And what will that teach you?
That if your car's broken,
you can just pay someone to fix it.
I'm going to fix it myself.
I'll see my boss,
I'll own up, I'll say sorry
and I'll take what's coming.
I should come too, you know?
Face the music together.
That's my boy.
You're learning valuable
life lessons.
Dad,
what's happening?
We're having a moment.
I don't want to have a moment.
We're having a moment, deal with it.
OK. Moment's over
What do you reckon?
I think you're getting sacked.
Now, remember, son,
whatever happens,
we must always retain our dignity.
I heard there was a little incident
yesterday. Is that right?
I'm not going to lie, Davina.
- Yeah, there was.
- Tony,
you are giving me no choice.
I can't have unsafe drivers.
Um... Just... It was me.
- It was my fault.
- You what?
The crash, it was my fault.
I backed into him.
Why did you do that?
Well, uh...
Just jealousy.
Tony being a better man
and a better driver, generally.
Um... I'd like him to have
all his old shifts back.
- And...
- And what, Glenn?
Just like him to have my bus,
and, yeah, I'd like
him to have my Enya.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
I'll tell you what,
she handles like a dream.
I don't get it.
Why would Glenn
just give you his bus?
It's all down to a little thing
called respect.
Can't put a price on integrity.
I'm getting very mixed messages
from you, Dad.
What? The message is clear.
Don't use money to solve
your problems.
But if you need to, then do.
Simple.
I'm going to pay you back.
How does five pound a week sound?
I'm going to push for seven,
rising to eight.
And that will take 307 years.
Come on, then.
Harry?
Harry!
_
Harry!
So, I've drawn up
a list of rules
which we need to live by.
The Carter Magna Carta.
Item one.
Every new purchase
has to be agreed
together.
Who votes we get a new house?
Aw, afraid you're one vote short.
Can I get a new bike?
- Can we get a butler?
- Can we buy a jam factory?
Harry, yes.
Liz, no. Ellie, why?
Hiya! Today is the day!
So exciting.
if your 11-year-old kid earned more
in a week than you do in a year?
Welcome to my world.
I'm Tony Carter, and this is my
house in Milton Keynes,
the one with the yellow shed.
That's where my son, Harry,
came up with Honc,
an app to help him talk to girls.
Used to be my shed.
I miss my shed.
Anyway, I don't really get
social networking.
_
If I did, I wouldn't drive
a minibus for OAPs,
but it seems to have gone massive.
Harry still can't talk
to girls, though.
Now, some big tech company
wants to pay millions for it.
But will it change us?
Cannonball!
Nah.
Drink, Harry.
Let's get down to business.
Pocket money.
What do you want?
Ten.
Bold. You broke my Mr Tea mug.
I did you a favour.
- Four.
- Eight.
That mug was older than you, five.
All right. Seven.
I can't go lower than seven, Tony.
Don't forget, I also taught you
how to delete your
internet history.
That was useful.
Six, rising to seven,
if you take the blame
for leaving the freezer door
open last night.
So, it was you.
Hm.
Seven rising to eight,
if I don't tell mum
you left the freezer door open
last night.
That's blackmail!
That's business.
Deal.
Same time next Friday?
Yeah. I wouldn't miss it.
Actually, Dad, I got you something.
Oh! What'd you get me?
Oh!
Uh...
Thanks, son.
What do you think of this?
Wallingford Manor.
Am I going into care?
That ship has sailed, love.
Liz, we're not moving.
All right, I know. Doesn't mean I
can't do a bit of window shopping.
We're just buying the windows?
Yeah, that's right, Ellie.
We're going to buy a house
in installments.
We should get the roof first,
in case it rains.
Good thinking, Ells.
Heyyy!
Oh, Harry, what have we said about
not making yourself a victim?
It's his uniform!
He's going to work with me today.
He's 11.
He doesn't want to ride around
in a mobile old people's home.
It smells.
He needs to learn
the value of money.
He's just been out and
bought a car worth 60 grand!
- 80.
- 80?!
So, it's the 4.4 SDV8 diesel?
With Bluetooth phone connection
and voice control
and follow me home lights
are standard.
Oh. No, no!
No, you need to learn your lesson.
Now, I get paid
24.8 grand a year.
So, over 52 weeks that's...
£476.92.
Yeah, exactly.
So, each day I get paid...
Um...
- 97...
- 95.
£95.50...
- 30.
- 32...
38.
£95.38 per day.
Come on then.
That Range Rover's worth God knows
how many working days.
839.
I literally had my hand
upon your bell.
Apologies for disturbing you
on a Saturday,
but I'm afraid there's
some rather important
Honc business.
Ah.
Alone and talking to myself.
How very like school.
Dad, why do all of these buses
have girls' names?
Well, they're all named after
inspirational women.
There's Rosa, there's Boudica,
and this one's mine, Anne.
- Frank?
- Robinson.
I had a thing for strict gingers.
Wish my wife was as dirty
as your bus.
You're not married, Glenn.
Glenn Stringback,
best driver in the depot.
You're the boy who's literally made
out of money, then, are you?
- I suppose. Not literally.
- Where do you keep it all?
- Your training bra?
- Oi! Don't trash talk my son.
What's it like having a kid
that's richer than you, Tone?
Uh, better than having
one I never see.
Hey! I have supervised access
to Galahad once a quarter.
We're hitting Legoland in June.
Next week's rota.
Davina, see you're taking
sexy back.
I'm reducing your shifts.
The other blokes need them
more than you.
Yeah. Me and Annie are taking over
the funeral run.
But I've always done
the funeral run,
they love having me on there.
I always cheer 'em up.
Oh, diddums!
You can dry your tears on
your kid's money, mate.
The nose, not the coins.
That wouldn't work.
Glenn's got a 97%
punctuality record, Tony.
I mean, the man's obviously
a complete tit,
but you can't argue with his stats.
Hey, Davina, what say we go through
the new rota
on the back-seat of my bus?
See if you got any shifts
need filling.
I am never going to have sex
with you, Glenn.
Cool.
Catch you later.
So, you see, Harry,
if you break the cost of things down
into work time hours,
you get a sense of the true value
of things.
What are you doing?
Oh, busted.
Or should I say, mini-busted!
Two minutes and I'll be right back
with you, I promise.
Mr Zebrisky needs Harry to sign off
on some changes to the app.
Well, we're taking some pensioners
to armchair aerobics.
Sorry, Dad, it really can't wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
How did you know where we were?
Come, Watson, I have the nose
- of a bloodhound.
- Oliver!
We've fitted a tracking
device to Harry's phone.
What?!
You might has as well
have tagged him!
It's nothing sinister,
we just simply need to know
the whereabouts of your child
24 hours a day.
In the bus. We're leaving.
But, Dad!
Um, but Tony... Tony, really, um,
I really will get in rather a lot of
trouble if I don't...
Tony! Tony!
Driver!
Oh, sorry! Sorry!
Yeah, I know, but we need
to act rich.
Talk about soaking up the ambiance
and stuff like that.
Can we say I'm the reason
we made loads of money?
Yeah, if you like.
So, how did you make your millions?
I'm a Chinese princess!
But you're not Chinese.
Oh, OK.
What if I say I'm a child genius
who invented a website?
Or we could just say
you're a Chinese princess.
She got knocked up by One Direction.
We don't know which one!
So, this is the atrium.
Oh, my God! It's massive.
Hello!
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
- It's the echo.
- Yes.
If you'd like to follow me
into the drawing room.
There's a room just for...
Actually, Geraldine,
would you mind leaving us,
so we could just look around
on our own?
We want to soak up the ambulance.
We won't touch anything!
♪ Word up
♪ It's the code word
So, Harry, we thought
it might be rather fun
to have a horn sound every
time you get a message on Honc.
Let me run a few of the options.
There's this one....
Not so keen on that one.
Mm-hm. Then there's this one.
Or this.
Or even this one.
My catheter's coming out.
Dad, Peter says his catheter
has come out.
Oh, right. OK.
- Uh, this is what we call a code yellow.
- What about this one?
Actually, I think it's coming down
my trouser leg.
Do you like this one, Harry?
Harry? Harry?
OK, stop!
It's pooling in my shoe.
Oliver, can we do this another time?
Well, I... Wait.
What is that soul-stirring sound?
- Toot?
- No.
Just offering you the
pipe of peace, my friend.
Glenn, you're in the last disabled
parking spot.
- I've got a code yellow.
- Code yellow?
Nasty. That's just
two away from brown.
Of course you can have
the spot, compadre.
In an hour.
I guess there's just some things
money can't buy.
Tony, it's making the seat wet!
I mean, my thinking is
I'll just wear your dad down.
I mean, if we could just get him
to come and see this place.
Ellie, are you having a wee?
Fair enough. I went twice.
There you are!
Out of the pool, now!
Give me a minute.
I knew you two were time wasters.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
We are not time wasters!
Oh, come on!
You can't afford this place!
Oh, we can't, can't we?
Fine.
- We'll buy it.
- Uh, Mum...
Yeah. We'll buy all your houses,
- be like Monopoly.
- Mum.
Ellie, shush.
Mummy's buying a house.
Really?
Yeah.
Actually, no.
But not because
we can't afford it,
but because we haven't
sold our place yet.
We'll take it.
Great!
See? We're not time wasters!
Your oldies love you.
Roy said that you're the best thing
that ever happened to him.
Oh, thanks, pal.
Roy is actually very confused
and thinks I'm his late wife, Mary,
but I'll take the compliment.
You ought to get yourself
one of these, mate.
Always carry one on the dash
in case of little accidents.
Tell me you're not going to be
hanging around all day.
Nope.
Just one drop, finish here,
then bingo.
It's bingo.
You're doing bingo as well?
Yeah. We both know there's only one
disabled spot in Mecca.
Looks like you're going to be eating
my dust again, Carter.
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not racing you, Glenn.
What? Scared your kid will see you
for what you really are,
a less skilled driver
of a long wheelbase
community transport minibus?
Drag racing's illegal in
Buckinghamshire.
Yeah, well, bingo's just over
the Bedfordshire border.
Harry.
Round up the pensioners.
What does this have to do with
teaching me the value of money?
Absolutely nothing.
OK.
Winner gets the funeral run.
And sex with the other
man's wife.
Seriously, Glenn,
you're not married.
- All right, my mum.
- Let's keep it professional.
It's your loss, mate.
She's fit.
But you can't say anything,
nowadays, can you?
To be fair, Bernard, I think that
word's always been racist.
Come on! We're racing Glenn
to Mecca Bingo!
Oh!
I can't even imagine
what that means.
Wait, my hat.
I've left my hat.
- Oh, I'll get it.
- Leave the hat. We need to go now.
No, Harry, I must!
After all,
what is a man
without his hat?
Quick sticks, Bernard, go, go, go!
Are you coming to bed, Mary?
Harry! Harry, wait! Wait!
Oh, bobbins!
This isn't the way!
It's a short cut. I'll show him
who's the hot dog.
It's like Top Gear!
Come on, Dad! Can't we go quicker?
I'm trying, son! I'm trying,
I'm going as fast as I can!
Dad, speed bumps.
How's your catheter, Peter?
Peter?
Dad!
Balls.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
What about them?
Fine, still asleep.
You've rear-ended my beautiful Enya.
She's fitted with front
and rear dash-cams.
This is by no means
an admission of guilt,
but, uh,
is there any way
we can sort this out without going
through the insurance? You know.
No chance! Come tomorrow morning,
somebody's boss
is going to be hearing about
exactly what's happened here.
By what's happened here,
I'm talking about the crash.
When I said somebody's boss,
I meant ours.
- You got that?
- Yeah, I think I got that, Glenn.
Yeah, good.
Just, you know, text me
if you've got any more questions.
Oh, Harry, hello. It's Oliver again.
Look, I'm really, really
rather lost.
I seem to have stumbled into
some sort of inner city ghetto.
There are youths everywhere.
It's the most hellish storm.
- Please, just call me.
- Good afternoon!
Not today, thank you.
I hope it's Niall's.
He's got the nicest clothes.
You do know that you're not actually
pregnant, don't you, Ellie?
What you're looking at there is
mainly cheese.
Oh, yeah. Keep forgetting.
How are you going to tell dad
you sold the house?
I'm not. Don't tell dad.
Never tell dad.
Oh, I've really done it this time.
Mum, are you still
looking at houses?
It's Rightmove. It's addictive.
All right? All right.
What have you done today?
Nothing.
What have you done today?
Nothing.
Excuse me, I'm so terribly hungry,
but I'm afraid
I don't have a reservation.
I don't suppose there's any way
you could possibly accommodate
one for supper?
Very funny.
What are you doing?
Oh! Heated seats.
Mm. Front and rear.
That's good 'cos I thought
I'd wet myself.
Oh, you're not going
to take this back,
Tone.
- I am.
- Honey, just think,
all the things
that we could get up to
on a quiet lay by
with that kind of boot space.
And the seats are wipe clean.
- Wipe clean?
- Mm.
No. No, it's the
thin end of the wedge.
So, we're just going to carry
on as normal
with ten million quid in the bank?
Well, no.
We can, you know,
start shopping at Waitrose,
get a dishwasher?
And buy a new house?
Look, we built this house.
It was you and me,
before all the money.
I just don't want to move.
OK, OK. We won't move.
Why is there a sold sign
in the front of our house?
What?! What?!
That's weird, isn't it?
Must be next-door.
Very annoying.
I'll uh... I'll just, you know,
get rid of it.
You know I could just pay
someone to fix it?
Yeah. And what will that teach you?
That if your car's broken,
you can just pay someone to fix it.
I'm going to fix it myself.
I'll see my boss,
I'll own up, I'll say sorry
and I'll take what's coming.
I should come too, you know?
Face the music together.
That's my boy.
You're learning valuable
life lessons.
Dad,
what's happening?
We're having a moment.
I don't want to have a moment.
We're having a moment, deal with it.
OK. Moment's over
What do you reckon?
I think you're getting sacked.
Now, remember, son,
whatever happens,
we must always retain our dignity.
I heard there was a little incident
yesterday. Is that right?
I'm not going to lie, Davina.
- Yeah, there was.
- Tony,
you are giving me no choice.
I can't have unsafe drivers.
Um... Just... It was me.
- It was my fault.
- You what?
The crash, it was my fault.
I backed into him.
Why did you do that?
Well, uh...
Just jealousy.
Tony being a better man
and a better driver, generally.
Um... I'd like him to have
all his old shifts back.
- And...
- And what, Glenn?
Just like him to have my bus,
and, yeah, I'd like
him to have my Enya.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
I'll tell you what,
she handles like a dream.
I don't get it.
Why would Glenn
just give you his bus?
It's all down to a little thing
called respect.
Can't put a price on integrity.
I'm getting very mixed messages
from you, Dad.
What? The message is clear.
Don't use money to solve
your problems.
But if you need to, then do.
Simple.
I'm going to pay you back.
How does five pound a week sound?
I'm going to push for seven,
rising to eight.
And that will take 307 years.
Come on, then.
Harry?
Harry!
_
Harry!
So, I've drawn up
a list of rules
which we need to live by.
The Carter Magna Carta.
Item one.
Every new purchase
has to be agreed
together.
Who votes we get a new house?
Aw, afraid you're one vote short.
Can I get a new bike?
- Can we get a butler?
- Can we buy a jam factory?
Harry, yes.
Liz, no. Ellie, why?
Hiya! Today is the day!
So exciting.