Carters Get Rich (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Trent vs Tony - full transcript

'Ever wonder what it would
be like if your 11-year-old

kid earned more in a week
than you do in a year?

'Welcome to my world.

'I'm Tony Carter, and this is
my house and in Milton Keynes.

'The one with the yellow shed.
That's where my son Harry

came up with 'Honc, an app
to help him talk to girls.

'That used to be my
shed. I miss my shed...

'Anyway, I don't really
get social networking,

'if I did I wouldn't
drive a minibus for OAPs,

'but it seems to have gone massive.

'Harry still can't talk to girls though!



'Now some big tech company
wants to pay millions for it.

'But will it change us? Nah... '

- ♪♪
- _

Ooh, we've got Mrs Cheung first,
she's the new maths teacher,

isn't she? Yeah, and she hates me.

Don't be daft, son,
none of them hate you.

- You're a genius.
- Aw, how could anyone hate this face?

Look at him!

Look at him.

Sorry I'm running late.

Just one of those weeks I'm
afraid, parents' evening,

- and the year seven disco. Madness.
- So, how's Harry doing?

Well, what can I say?

Brilliant. Astonishing.



- Disappointing..
- [ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR]

SHOUTING: His work has
really slipped this term.

His presentation is stuffy,
and I was wondering if perhaps

the distractions of his
multi-million pound business

- is starting to affect his studies?
- No, no...

It's Trent!

TRENT: Harry Carter!
Get your ass out here.

Give your billionaire
investor some love!

Yeah, OK, yeah, a bit distracted.

♪ [THEME MUSIC] ♪

This is awesome! Wow, look at this.

Wow. Man, I tell you,
I'm a huge Tolkien fan,

so all this hobbit stuff just blows me.

So, Trent, what brings
you to these parts?

Uninvited and totally without warning.

The tech talk down at
the conference centre

Friday night, they asked
me to talk about Honc.

I was like, "Hell, yeah, I'm
coming. And I'm bringing Harry."

- Awesome.
- Oh, what a shame...

Harry's got his school disco
that night and can't make it.

[TRENT HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER]

You didn't tell me you were a comedian!

Look at that, as if Harry would
miss a Tech talk for a disco! Grrrr!

It's so good to meet you, T-man!

Look at that. It's like meeting
Harry's other dad, isn't it?

- ALL: Yeah.
- Other dad? You mean ONLY dad.

Unless there's something that you two
haven't told me, eh, Liz?

[SHE LAUGHS]

- Eh? Eh?
- Jamil, take a note.

I emphatically deny any rumours
of a sexual relationship

with the party or parties named
Liz Carter. All right...

So, here's the play. Tomorrow...

we're going to throw a kick-ass pool party,

I'm talking hula girls...

- Er, Trent, we don't actually have a pool.
- You don't have a pool?

That's terrible. Shauna,
they don't have a pool.

- On it, Trent.
- Are you staying for tea?

- Tea?
- Dinner?

Guys, don't leave me hanging.

Eat. Do you want to eat?

Awesome, what's on
the menu, Tone-licious?

Toad-in-the-hole.

Trent has a personal
policy never to eat holes.

ADOPTS COD ENGLISH ACCENT: So,

if it's all right, I think
like to retire to Beddington.

It's only 7:30.

Wait, here?

There's literally no place in
the world I would rather be,

than right here, in
the hub of Casa Carter.

Bring it in guys. There we go.

Not you.

♪ I wanna get rich right away, right
away, right away, right away... ♪

Good morning, Mr Carter.

Liz, what's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on,

Yolanda is making bagels
from scratch, Tony.

From scratch!

Mum, where's my rucksack?

And that form you had to...

And my lunch money.

OK. Thank you very much.

Cool. That's everything then, unless
someone wants to give me a lift.

I have never loved you more.

Lunch money...

Amazing!

We need to talk about what
happened at parents' evening.

Oh, I know, I know. Well,
Harry was right wasn't he?

Mrs Cheung hates him.

Maybe she's got a point, maybe Honc
is getting in the way of school.

Buenos Dias, Carters!

Oh, my god, what do we say? I
literally can't speak any French.

Well, that's not French, sweetie.

Although I am a massive Francophile.

And you're letting
him stay at our house?

Harry, I hope you're ready, son,

cos you and I have a full day
of frickin' fun ahead, you in?

Obviously, you don't mean a full day,

because Harry's got school until 3:30.

School, schmool, I flew in
from Punta Mita for you guys!

Yeah, and we really appreciate
that, Trent, the thing is,

here on planet Earth,
going school is the law.

Fine, Tony, you know why?
Cos I frickin' love school.

I'm in ace at Quidditch,
I can get an owl like that.

- Shauna, get me an owl.
- On it, Trent.

- You're coming to school with me?
- Hell, yeah, dude.

You and me, we're going to OWN school.

- Yeah, let's own this!
- Come on! Let's go to school!

♪ ROCK MUSIC ♪

- Sam.
- Here.

- Charlie.
- Here.

- Sammo.
- Here.

- Harry.
- Here.

[ THEY CHEER]

♪♪

Ye-a-a-a-ah! In your face!

[CHEERING]

Harry, are these your friends? Awesome.

- Yeah, this is...
- Yeah,

I don't have storage
space for names, son,

I'm just here to see
the magic in motion.

Act like I'm not here, OK? Guys?

Well, this isn't weird at all.

- Love her.
- Anyway,

you'll go to the disco then, Harry?

Nah. Trent...

- He's not here.
- Right.

Someone's doing the tech con talk
and I'll just watch that instead.

I might not bother either.

Oh great, thanks a bunch,

leaving me with the rest
of the freaks like Natasha.

- Natasha's going?
- Who's Natasha?

- Just a girl.
- That you love?

- Vomit.
- Oh, I see,

because you love Harry.

- Um, no.
- [BELL RINGS]

Seriously?

- More school?
- Until 3:30.

That's like hours. That's...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

All right, listen up everybody.

My name is Trent, and I'm an American.

- ALL: Yeah!
- Number one!

Anybody know how many billionaires
dropped out of college?

- Huh...? Anybody?
- I do!

- I do!
- Anybody?

I do!

Anybody else? All of 'em.

- That's not strictly true.
- All the cool ones anyway, all right?

Zuckerberg, Jobs, me...

Imagine what we could've accomplished
if only we'd dropped out sooner.

Dammit, I could be in space right
now if only I had the cojones to quit.

- So what do you say, kids?
- Yeah! Yeah!

Do you want to stay in school
for the rest of your lives?

Or do want to be a space billionaire?

Come on!

ALL: We're going to be
space billionaires!

[CHEERING AND SHOUTING]

I didn't do anything.

I don't remember sending
out the bring your

internet billionaire to
school day memo, do you?

Oh, snap! She's got to there, bud.

I will not let you treat the
school like some kind of circus.

I've got an owl delivery
for Mr Harry Carter.

I love what you're doing with
the zucchini there, Ethan.

Thank you ma'am.

- Up a bit, there, please, Shauna.
- Got it!

I'm going to call Oliver number again.

- You're doing a great job there, Jamil.
- Thank you ma'am.

Don't worry, they
know what Trent's like.

He's probably taking them base jumping
or free-basing or whatever it's called.

- Hi.
- Oh. Ellie, have you seen your brother?

Of course I've seen
him. He's my brother.

- About this big...
- No, have you seen him today?

Oh, no, not since he got suspended.

He got what?!

[DOOR SLAMS]

Mea culpa, Carters, mea culpa.

Listen, I want you to know
that there is no-one to

blame for this situation today - except me.

You got my son suspended.

And you went to Alton Towers without me!

I told you they'd find out.

Oliver is still wearing
his waterproof poncho!

Heck, sorry, team!

Listen, my bad, all right?
Completely 100% totally, but,

it's important that you know
that we used the time wisely.

That's right, dad, we had an
important Honc board meeting.

Tony, if I could get that teacher to
undo that... thingy, I totally would.

But she's a tough cookie.

Was it Mrs Cheung? Yeah, I
knew it. She's victimizing him.

He skipped school to go to Alton
Towers! He deserves to be suspended.

She's picking on him.

- Where you going?
- I'm going to go up that school.

Just please don't do anything...

Oh, God, who am I kidding?

Thank you, son.

I don't know about you, but
all of this fun makes me hungry.

Lucky for us, I've taken the
liberty of ordering some pizza...

- [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR]
- ..from New York!

ALL: [WHOOP AND CHEER]

♪♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Enter.

- Mrs Cheung...
- Sit!

I just wanted to say that...

You wanted to tell me that
I was being unfair, no?

- Yes!
- That Harry's a genius

and that this is a
special case, correct?

- Well...
- That I should reconsider

my decision, and remove the suspension.

Let me save you some time, Mrs Carter.

The answer is no. I won't.

The truth is, Harry's work is suffering,

and his behaviour
today was unacceptable.

Sorry. Oh, come on.

So he brought an American
billionaire to school one day. And?

You hate him. And you're
marking him down unfairly.

I'd like to see you try prove it.

We you just watch me,
Miss... Mrs Cheung!

- Can I go?
- Dismissed.

♪ How You Like Me Now ♪ [By The Heavy]

Gave him my mug, Liz.

My mug! World's greatest dad.

That's MY mug.

Yeah, that's nice. I mean as if
being bullied by the other kids

isn't bad enough without the
teachers joining in as well.

And that pizza was
stone-cold. New York, my arse.

I know Domino's when I see it.

Would it be so bad to have her killed?

I bet Trent know someone.

I'm telling you this, I'm going to
keep that boy's feet on the ground

even if I have to fill
his shoes with concrete.

Concrete, yeah, that's good.

- Chuck her in the Canal.
- What?

- What?
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]

Good evening, Mr Carter.
Plastering's all done.

Hey, Mrs Carter I just wondered if
he needed me to do anything else or

- if maybe I could go to bed.
- Yeah, Shauna, brilliant.

I want you to take all
of Harry's maths books,

because I don't understand
a bloody word of them,

distribute them around the
team and get me anything you can

- on Mrs Cheung, anything.
- Sure thing, Mrs Carter. I'm on it.

Liz, why is there an
owl in the bathroom?

Are you wearing my pyjamas?

Yeah, you know... when in Rome.

Yeah. Wear someone else's pyjamas.

- Where are my people?
- Depends who your people are, because,

to be honest, one minute you're
saying your French, the next

you're a Roman or something, and
I'm like, "Dude! identity crisis."

I meant the people who work for me.

Oh. Dad got them to set up the
ping-pong table in the garage,

so he could play with Harry.

But I'm glad to catch you on your
own cos Harry is not the only one

with big plans in his family.

How about this?

Teachers always get mad

when you're looking at
your phone in class, right?

So, I've been working on an app
that can make your phone invisible.

Trent? It's only supposed
to work on phones.

And this is it, can be old pro
finally destroy the young pretender?

Or is there still a chance?
Just play, won't you?

Tonasaurus Rex! How's it hanging?

We're playing ping-pong
because I don't have to

- go to school this morning.
- It's not a reward, I'm still mad,

but this is just something that
me and Harry do, father and son,

family ping-pong. We play
it on our family holidays

we go on together as a
family. Don't we, son?

- You wouldn't understand.
- Oh, I understand.

You push the little ball
over the teeny tiny net

with the funny paddles,
right? I love ping-pong.

- Do you want to play, Trent?
- No, he doesn't, son, we're playing.

Oh, that's OK. I need to get ready,

we're checking out
the arena for Tech Con.

- This way, Harry.
- That's my boy.

- That's MY boy, actually.
- Whatever you say, Tony.

So you fancy a game, do you?

As long as you promise
to take it easy on me.

I haven't played since 2008.

Beijing Olympics.

I think we should get a
few things straight, Tony.

Fine. Talk.

The truth is I've had my seed
frozen in a clinic in Vancouver.

So, I'm not interested in buying
someone else's children at the moment.

What I have purchased is your
son's intellectual property,

and it's cost me millions.

So I would appreciate
it if you would allow me

to spend a little time
with my investment.

♪ [ Back In Black by AC/DC] ♪

Better luck next time, buddy.

Come on, people! There
must be something.

Mrs Carter, with all due respect,

we've been up all
night, there's nothing.

She's shown no negative bias
toward Harry. Cheung is clean.

There she is, fourth from right.

- I don't believe it.
- I know, she looks like a chubby boy.

No, that's me next to her.

- How?
- The other side.

Oh, right. Got it.

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.

What do you think, big guy?

This is so cool, you're
going to be amazing.

Harry, tonight... you're
going to do your own tech talk.

- Tonight?
- Before you panic, it's all written out,

in your voice with a little flair.

All you have to do is read the
autocue and talk up to your page.

It's already linked up, watch.

I don't think I've spoken to more
than 15 people in my entire life.

Well, whatever happens,

tonight can't be worse than the
first time I did one of these.

Puked all over the front row.

- Wow, that's amazing.
- Yeah? You pumped?

Totally pumped.

Natasha actually messaged me.

No, the talk.

Dude, listen, once you do this tonight,

you're not going to have
trouble finding a girl.

Believe me. All right,
we've got to be focused.

We got to get pumped. Are you pumped?

Pumped. Totally.

- Oh, it's you again.
- I just came to return these.

Congratulations, you
mark your maths well.

- I know.
- So well that I almost forgot

to check your history.

Diana Cheung.

- Nee Chau.
- So now she finally recognises me.

Why didn't you just say we
went to school together

whenn I met at the parent's evening?

Because every day I try to forget

that I went to school
with you, Liz Barclay.

Carter! Nee Barclay!

What did I ever do to
you? I didn't bully anyone,

apart from Malcolm Greenford maybe
Wendy Baine, but she doesn't wear

the shoe any more and we're
friends on Facebook, so...

You don't even remember!

- Remember what?
- Our maths GCSE, 1989?

You set off the fire alarm
and then never owned up.

Oh, God. I did, didn't I?

But to be fair, I was
really terrible at maths.

My dad promised me tickets to see
Rick Astley if I got straight A's.

Rick Astley? Seriously? I
mean, Duran Duran, fair enough.

I looked forward to that
concert for six months!

Right. Chill out.

So what's all this
then, revenge? Payback?

Are you seriously suggesting I'm
victimizing an 11-year-old boy

- just because...
- Yes!

- Ridiculous
- You are though, aren't you?

You're damn right I am.

Diane, what's it going to take?

I've still got the ping-pong set
up, want to finish the tournament?

Can't. Trent wants me
to do his Tech Con talk.

Wow.

Wow, I mean that's
amazing. You must be so...

- Pumped?
- Yeah. But you're not.

Hm.

- So what's up?
- I kind of want to go to the school disco.

- Is that stupid?
- No, it's not stupid at all, mate.

But there's no way I can now though.

Well, as it happens, I
just spoke to your mum,

she got your suspension lifted.

How?

♪ Never gonna make you
cry Never gonna tell a lie ♪

♪ Never gonna say
goodbye and hurt you... ♪

Have a great night, son.

Thanks, Dad. Are you sure
Trent was OK with this?

He was fine!

Well, he will be.

I got him a replacement. In many
ways, he may not even notice.

Tony asked me to give you this.

[APPLAUSE]

Good evening, Milton Keynes!

Tonight I want to talk
to you about... this.

The Invisiphone!

♪♪