Californication (2007–2014): Season 6, Episode 10 - Blind Faith - full transcript

Previously
on Californication...

What do you do
in the real world?

I traverse the globe
in the company of musicians.

- You're a groupie.
- Muse...

Would really be more
applicable.

Men have written songs
about me.

I can see why.
Do you want to get high?

Does the Pope shit
in the woods?

Have anything
to roll with?

They don't call it
"The Good Book" for nothing.

I feel so bad.



- I need to hit the road, love.
- This is fate.

Tiny talked about you
all the time.

He said that you had
an uncanny ability

to suck killer riffs
out of him.

I will have you know, Hank,

that I was a very good
little Catholic schoolgirl.

Are you trying
to turn me on?

My parents, they hit me
pretty hard once upon a time.

I'm still smarting.

I played at this stupid
little church social.

Of course, all my mom
had to say was

that I looked like
a slut up there.

Methinks you like
this one, Faith.

She likes him.
I can tell.



You seem to have
a real connection with this one.

It could be a real thing.

I have big news.

Tonight I am making love
to a woman.

Karen, this is bullshit.
He poops on people.

That woman is amazing.

Okay, so the reason I've
summoned you both to dinner--

- Oh, God!
- I have news.

Jesus Christ.

Why do you go there
so quickly?

Because it's never
good news with her.

It's always disgusting,
stomach-churning awful.

She's bad-news Becca.

Could you at least
let her speak first?

Please. I'm sorry.
Go ahead.

- So I've decided--
- To go back to school!

That is awesome.
Shut up!

Of course you have.
Up high.

Someone. Anyone.

I've decided
to go abroad

for an indeterminate
amount of time.

- Wow.
- Why?

I hate L.A.

Okay, word.
I'm with you on that.

But go back to school,
graduate,

and then you can go abroad.

I want to make
a literary pilgrimage.

I want to follow
in the footsteps

of my favorite
expatriate writers...

- I love that.
- Burroughs,

Paul Bowles,
Henry Miller.

Sweetie, that's wonderful.

Going on
a literary pilgrimage

does not make you
a writer.

The only thing
that makes you a writer

is gluing your ass
in a seat

and getting
what's inside your head

out on the paper.

Everything else is a pose.

You can expat yourself
on the back

and go "pilgrimate"
after you've done something,

after you're had some success.
Why can't I do both?

It just seems
so romantic.

That's just it, Becca.

You know, things
that seem romantic

very rarely are.
Ain't that the truth.

Oh, don't get all loaded
with me, woman.

- Another good talk.
- No, sweetie--

Becca, I love the idea.

- You know...
- Ugh!

I think we can get through
all this muck and mire

if we just gave in
to our baser instincts

and engaged in a little
therapeutic hate-fucking.

Okay, fine.

You know, I'm not sure I'd be
into it even if you were.

You know why? Because
you're sullied...and shit.

- You love that shit.
- No, no, you're just--

you're all soiled...
And shit.

Sullied...Shit.

[Upbeat music]

♪ Californication 6x10 ♪
Blind Faith
Original Air Date on March 24, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

♪

[Both speaking indistinctly]

- Hey.
- Hi.

How are you?

- How's it going?
- Is this a bad time?

No, of course not.
This is Beckett.

This is Hank Moody.

He's a writer and a drinker.
Thank you.

He's working on that musical
with your brother.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

I hope that spoiled
little Ginger's

treating you all right.
Yeah.

Now, he's sweet, actually.

I just got to slap him upside
the head every now and then...

- [Laughs]
- Or give him a titty twister.

[Laughs]
Don't I know it.

Beckett just got
off the road.

Yeah, Faith's been kind enough
to house-sit for me

while I've been gone.
Ah.

And what is my reward?
I get kicked to the curb.

Come on.
I met a model in Australia,

so she's moving in.
Who knows?

She might even be
the one.

Oh, baby,
good luck with that.

Well, I got to try, right?
You got to keep trying.

You do?

It's not as if
you're ever gonna

let me make an honest groupie
out of you.

Well, you never asked, so...

Hey, does Atticus know

about this special
little friendship?

- Fuck, no.
- Oh, God, no.

It would absolutely
destroy him.

His head would explode.
Which would fuck up

that fabulous weave
he's got going.

Let's do it.
[Chuckles]

Oh, I like this guy.

Yeah, he's okay.

[Rock music]

♪ Here she comes now,
check her style ♪

♪

♪ she's got golden earrings,
diamond smiles ♪

- You okay?
- Yeah. Why?

I don't know--you kind of got
the bum's rush back there.

Hey!
Comes with the territory.

Guy goes on tour
for the better part of a year,

he's gonna come back
with something...

or someone.

I don't need
your pity, Hank.

Okay, well,
then I will retract it,

and you will see neither
hide nor hair of it ever again.

Thank you.

- But how do you live?
- What do you mean?

Well, you don't work.
You just kind of...

- Float?
- Yeah.

Yes, I do.
And I like it that way.

- Here's your beers.
- Thank you, sir.

Things just have a way
of working out.

And men have been
especially kind to me.

Understandably so.
But what is next?

I'm not sure yet.

I think we should
keep drinking,

and something will eventually
suggest itself.

That's what my mom
always used to say.

You can crash at Charlie's
if you need to.

But where would I sleep?

[Cell phone rings]

What?

Telemarketers?

Worse--my mother.
She's a bit of a cunt.

Scratch that--she takes the warm
and fuzzy out of "cunt."

Ooh, I like that.
And I'm gonna steal that.

Fair warning--
one day I will use that.

Oh, be my guest.

I guarantee you
she wants me to come home.

Moms are good like that.
Yep.

Well, when I do,
it's always a fucking disaster.

She doesn't exactly approve
of the lifestyle.

Moms are good
like that too.

How long's it been?
Fuck if I know, dude.

I've been with the circus
a while.

So let's just say
it's been a spell.

If you want some advice
from a guy

who's watching his daughter
sow some of her wilder oats,

you should go visit 'em.

What's the harm?
Just throw 'em a bone.

Okay.
I'll go if you go.

- What?
- Come on.

It'll be super awesome
bringing home

a relatively normal
boyfriend type.

Thank you.
Gee, thanks.

Don't get me wrong--
you are as sick as they come,

but you're a little bit better
at passing for normal.

Do I have to get
on a plane?

Nope.
Just the 405.

♪ She says, "man, I got to
get out of this town ♪

♪ "man, I got to
get out of this pain ♪

♪ "man, I got to
get out of this town ♪

♪ "out of this town

♪ and out of L.A."

♪

[Sighs]

- Let's do it.
- Pretty sweet, huh?

I know this place.

I grew up in this place.
[Chuckles]

It was about
3,000 miles away, though.

Oh...
I don't know--

getting back in the car
and driving really fast

into a wall is looking pretty
fucking appealing right now.

Oh, come on,
it's time to face the muzak.

Too late.

[Engine sputtering]

Faith?
Is that you?

- Hey, mom.
- I've been calling you.

I've been leaving
messages.

Well, I thought
I would surprise you.

So...surprise.

- I'm surprised.
- [Laughing] Surprise.

Hey.
Oh, look at you.

- Okay, just say it.
- What?

Come on, just go ahead
and say it,

and then we can move on.
Okay, you look like a slut.

I'm sorry.
Thank you, mom.

Mission accomplished.

Oh, who's your,
uh, friend?

- Hi, Mrs. Faith's mom.
- Oh!

- Nice to meet you.
- This is Hank Moody, Mom.

- Hank the hugger.
- [Chuckles]

That's what we call him.

- Is he your boyfriend?
- Ish.

"Frenemy," really.

Where's all the tattoos
and the long, filthy hair?

Oh, I-I-I left those
in the car.

I was trying to make
a good impression.

Oh, good. You can help me
with the groceries.

Jack, where are you?

I've got a surprise.

Oh.

You didn't tell me you grew up
in a religious supply store.

Oh, well, that's why
I'm such a slut.

- Yeah.
- Jack, guess what.

Faith's here.
[Television droning]

He's watching TV.
What else would he be doing?

Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?

- What?
- You're watching nasty movies?

Oh, the hell I am. I was just
switching through the channels,

and this one caught my eye.

Of course it did,
because it's naked women.

I'm surprised you're not
touching yourself.

Well, who else is
going to?

Will you watch your mouth?
Faith is here.

What?
Why didn't you tell me?

Turn that off
before she gets in here!

[Television beeps]
Faith.

Dad.

Hi. Ahh.
[Chuckles]

Who's this clown?

Hank Moody, sir.
Nice to meet you.

Where's the tattoo
and long hair?

It would appear
you have a type, young lady.

- Well...
- You staying for dinner?

Why not?
[Both laugh]

Hey, do me a favor.

Will you run to the liquor store
and get me some booze?

Your mother refuses
to buy it for me.

[Mockingly] She--she thinks
I drink too much.

She's probably right, Dad.

Well, wouldn't you?

Hey, you like to drink?

Does the Pope shit
in the woods?

You better watch it, pal.

That woman will burn you
at the stake

for talking like that.

[Rock music]

♪

What was that for?
No, no, don't tell me.

Just--just do it again.

Okay, now,
what was that for?

For encouraging me
to come.

Oh, I always encourage women
to come.

It--it does not always happen,
but I like to think

that I'm at least
encouraging.

- Classy.
- Is that...?

Faith?
Is that you?

Oh, my God, it is you.

Holy shit.
You look fucking amazing!

- Thanks. You too.
- Shannon.

Shannon Mitchell.

No, of course.
Shannon--hi. Hi.

I look like a fucking
fat pig.

That's probably why
you don't even recognize me.

Oh, stop, stop.
This is amazing.

You're first?
Pbbbt. I wish, dude.

My third.
Wow.

Who's that guy?
Is that your husband?

- No. No, no, no.
- God, no.

Fiance.
Charles Wolfgang Runkle.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

[Laughter]
Congrats.

- Thank you.
- This is so weird.

I never thought
you'd have a fiance.

I heard you were, like,
out there slutting around,

like, fucking a bunch
of rock dudes.

Somebody said they saw you
in a music video,

or, like, on a sex tape
or something.

Well, what's
the difference, really?

Don't believe everything
you hear.

This girl right here--

she used to be quiet
as a mouse.

Always had her face buried
in some book.

And then one day
she exploded.

She got super hot
and fucked everyone.

- Oh, good for you, honey.
- Okay. All right, all right.

That's not entirely true.

She fucked my husband, even.

- Really? Did I?
- Yeah. Larry Walters.

Remember, you fucked
Larry Walters?

- Larry Walters.
- I--vaguely, yeah.

He played guitar for Mysstery,
two "s"s.

Well, he sure remembers you.
Guitar player.

Larry.
Dude, get your ass over here.

It's Faith
from American Martyrs.

Oh, Faith.
Holy shit!

Larry...
Looking good. Hey.

- This is so awesome.
- Hey.

So fucking abso--
it just is.

Sir, don't forget
your change.

How's your mom and dad,
Faith?

I bet they're
so happy to see you,

'cause you never
come home, ever.

I see your mom
in target sometimes,

and she tries to tell everyone
that you ran off

and joined the Peace Corps,
which is funny,

'cause we all know that you,
like, just hopped

on a rock-and-roll tour bus
and never looked back.

I guess maybe she's still
kind of embarrassed

about all that stuff that--
yeah, well, you know...

- What--what happened?
- It's--it's not--

it's another story
for another day.

Oh, well, then...

We should get together...

Grab a drink.

- Yeah, we totally should.
- We totally should.

You probably shouldn't
be drinking in your condition.

Pbbbt. Come on,
spritzers don't hurt--

little puff of weed
every now and then.

They try to tell you
it hurts the baby.

It don't.

I think cletus the fetus
in there

might disagree with you.

He's fine.
He's seen a lot.

- Ow. Ow! Oh.
- What? What?

Ooh. Look at that.

Oh, look at that, honey.
I should probably--

we should take this together.
- Oh, we should.

We should probably
get this.

Your phone's not ringing.

I have it on silent.
You didn't hear that?

Yeah, but there's nothing
on the screen.

- It's on vibrate.
- Yeah, but I can tell

you're shaking your phone
right now.

Well, guess what.
I have bell's palsy.

- Sorry.
- Oh, it's--it's fine.

Great seeing you.
Bye, Larry.

Yeah, you too.
See you soon, hopefully.

Stop staring,
you fat fuck.

I totally fucked her.

Mom, thank you.
This looks amazing.

Oh, who wants
to say grace?

Oh, uh, hey, why don't
we just take a break

from mumbling over our food
before we eat?

What do you think, guys?

What is this?
You've got an audience?

What, you're showing off?

You know something?
I grew up in a house

where we closed our eyes
and mumbled almost every meal.

I'm--I'm--
I'm good with it.

Come on, Dad.

Bless us, oh, Lord,
for these, thy gifts,

for which we are about
to receive

from thy bounty,
through Christ, our Lord.

- Amen.
- Amen.

- Pass the--
- and...And...

Dear Lord,
thank you so much

for bringing our daughter Faith
home to us

and watching over her
while she's been out whoring

with the devil's children

and protecting her
and keeping her from harm

and keeping her from
sexually transmitted diseases.

- Ooh.
- Through Jesus' name we pray.

- Amen.
- Amen.

So...that happened.

Yeah.

So how did you two meet?

Oh, it's a really
funny story, actually.

It's actually the cutest
of meets.

I wasn't feeling very well
about myself at the time,

and I ended up at, um...

What, a church?

It's a church-like place.

I mean, they talked a lot
about God there.

- They did.
- Anyway, there she was.

And, uh...

I was feeling
pretty lousy myself.

- Yeah.
- Oh, Faith, I'm so glad

you're still talking to him.
Yeah, me too.

- Okay...
- So this one over here

was pretty annoying.
Oh, I was annoying?

Really, he was--
[Laughs]

He went out of his way,
really.

We got to talking, and
we actually--we actually bonded

over a page
of the old testament.

How wonderful.

Faith certainly knows her Bible
backwards and forwards.

- She inhales her Bible.
- All true.

She made me feel a lot better
about myself at the time,

and we've been hanging out
ever since.

Well, that is
a very nice story.

Does this mean you're turning
over a new leaf, sweetheart?

What
what does that mean?

Well, it sounds like you're
no longer degrading yourself

by hanging out
with those perverted musicians

all the time.
Okay...

Well, you know, some
of those perverted musicians

have written songs
about her.

Well, sure, after she sucked
their filthy penises.

- All right--
- come on, oh...

Mom, why do you just assume
that they're filthy?

And what's so bad about
a blow job between friends?

You know, men love it
when you suck their dicks.

It makes them so happy, mom.
Amen!

Amen, huh?
[Chuckles]

What?
Watch yourself.

Hey, I agree with
Mrs. Faith's mom on this one.

I-I find penises
unilaterally disgusting.

Can we, uh, talk about
something other than penises--

I mean, filthy or otherwise?
You like sports?

Sadly, I am not--I know you're
gonna deduct points for that.

My apologies. But I'm
a huge fan of your daughter.

I think she's amazing.

And I think you two
should be very proud.

I'll drink to that.

We were very, very proud

when she dedicated her life
to him and--

- Who?
- Him.

Oh, him. That guy.
Of course. Of course.

What-what did that entail?
Can we just not?

But then
she abandoned him

and kind of humiliated
our family.

I don't really know how many
times I can say I'm sorry, Mom.

- Green beans?
- Please.

He forgives
all of his children.

Good. Good to know.

Unfortunately,
I have not.

There it is.
Shocker.

- Roll?
- No.

In spite of your limitations

and you're mean-spirited
bullshit,

I love you--I forgive you.
You forgive me?

God damn it!

She didn't want to become
a fucking nun!

I mean,
what's wrong with that?

How can you blame her?

What kind of life is that
for someone?

Excuse me.

Mary...
[Sighs]

- Thanks, Dad.
- Jesus.

"Thanks, dad"?
Thanks for what?

Why do you got to get her
all worked up over this?

You know, you know
this is gonna happen.

You don't come and visit,
and when you do,

we--we always end up talking
about the same thing.

Why can't we just
have dinner

and talk about--I don't know--
the fucking weather?

[Faith sighs]

You were a nun?

Kind of gross, huh?

Well, it would be
if you were one of those

wrinkly old war horses,
but you're not.

So it's kind of hot.

Well, I know it was
a little extreme,

but I have been looking
for something...

bigger than myself
my whole life.

And for a while,
it was really nice.

But I just couldn't live
that way.

Oh, I understand.

The nunnery's loss
is humanity's gain.

The sisters caught me
getting off once,

which was hugely,
hugely embarrassing.

- Uh-huh.
- But...

They told you not to
make a habit of it.

[Laughs]

The funny thing is,
I'm still looking, searching.

I still believe.

It's all connected somehow,

even sex and God
and rock and roll.

Well, believe it or not,
I have this recurring dream

about church and a nun.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And what typically happens
in such a dream?

Typically, I come in
filled with angst.

Mmhmm.

And I want have
a conversation

with the guy
up on the wall there.

And then this nun shows up.
She's very pleasant...

Very agreeable.
And how does it end?

In a very blasphemous manner.

Hmm.

[Zipper opens]

[Sighs]

Uh...eyes up here, you.

Who says dreams
don't come true?

[Television droning]

Faith?
Hey, do me a favor.

Go apologize
to your mother, will you?

She's been crying and praying
ever since you left.

- Come on.
- Please?

I know she's
out of her fucking mind,

but she's still
your mother.

All right.
All right.

Hey, Hank,
grab a seat.

Want a beer?
Don't mind if I do.

Here you go.

You got kids?

Yeah, one daughter,

from a previous
romantic entanglement.

Oh, yeah, daughters are
the fucking worst.

Tell me about it.

I got two.

One's gonna end up
just like her mother,

and the other one
looking for God

in the back of a tour bus.

Is that really how you feel
about her?

'Cause if you do,
then I feel sorry for you.

Well, then
feel sorry for me.

I don't really know her
anymore.

You should get to know her.

She's pretty great.

I think you'd be surprised.

You know,
I never told her this,

but I was so happy when she got
into all that Jesus stuff.

You know, as a father, you--

you know, you worry about
all those dirtbags out there.

And I just thought,
"well, she'll be safe."

Yeah, that's--that's generally
how I feel about my daughter.

In fact, I-I secretly hope
that she's a lesbian.

It's not very secret.

I say it every chance
I get, actually.

You're a weird fucking guy,
you know that?

Pretty much, yeah.

If I had it to do
all over again,

I'd encourage
her every fucking whim.

I'd say yes
instead of no.

I'd laugh
instead of yell.

This house was
too fucking strict.

She must have felt like
a rat in a cage.

Between me and her mother,
she couldn't do anything right.

People do strange things when
they're judged all the time,

instead of just being loved.

Cheers.

I'm still shocked
you haven't turned this

into a sewing room
or something.

Too many memories of
the little girl I used to know.

It's all I have left.

Don't be so dramatic,
please.

Look, I'm sorry...

I'm sorry too.

There were a lot
of nasty things

that just came flying
out of my mouth.

I-I don't know why
I always do that.

Old habits, I guess.

We would just like
to see you more often.

Oh, can you just be happy
that I'm here right now?

I know. I know.

It's just that we may not be
around forever,

and your father
really misses you.

Is he okay?

Well, he's a raging alcoholic

on the highway to hell,
but other than that,

yeah, he's fine.

And you? Are you trying
to tell me something?

- Oh, what a beautiful cross.
- Thanks.

It was a present
from a really special guy.

Of course.
There's always a guy.

- Mmm.
- I'm sorry to interrupt,

but your father started watching
soft-core pornography again.

I got uncomfortable.

What a poor, lost soul.
Okay.

Well, I guess
you two are--whoa--tired

and maybe a little drunk.

I can smell it on both of you.
It's kind of hideous.

Good night, honey.
Good night.

- Okay.
- Good night.

Oh, no. You are going
to the couch.

- Oh, come on.
- No.

Do I see a ring on that finger?
Are you married?

Otherwise, you're not gonna
sleep together in that bed,

not under this roof.

No good can come of that.

[Chuckles]
[Door closes]

[Sighs]

♪ Reach out and touch faith

♪

Greetings
and salutations, sire.

I guess it's been
kind of a while, huh?

But you're looking well...

Ripped as ever, I see.

Sorry.

Whatever for, child?

Well, I guess I kind of
went out for a pack of smokes

and never came back.

I left you hanging
up there.

What can I do
for you, Faith?

I miss you.

I need you,
especially right now.

I'm having what you might call

a crisis of faith,
if you will.

Pray with me.

♪ Reach out and touch faith

Uh...forgive me, father,
for I have sinned.

[Laughs]

Really?
You think?

[Grunts]

♪ Feeling's unknown,
and you're all alone ♪

Whoa, Jesus, relax.

There's no need to get your
loincloth in a bunch up there.

Um...

[Grunts]

Ta-da.

♪ I will deliver,
you know I'm a forgiver ♪

I think you're forgetting
something, Faith.

♪ Reach out and touch faith

♪ your own personal Jesus

Jesus loves you.

♪ Reach out and touch faith

[gasps]

[Exhales deeply]

Ugh.

[Television droning]

[Television beeps]

♪ So she said, "man, I got
to get out of this town ♪

♪ "now I got to get back
on that train ♪

♪ "man, I got to
get out of this town ♪

♪ "I'm out of my pain

♪ so I'm going back to L.A."

♪

♪ back to L.A.

♪

♪ back to L.A.

This is a real bummer.

I thought you were waking me up
to fuck me.

Oh, trust me,
I thought about it.

But then the urge to flee
won out.

You okay?

"Drive," she said.

♪ I'm going back to L.A.

♪ I'm going back to L.A.

- Hey.
- Hello.

I think we should
let her go...abroad.

[Whispering]
I was already thinking that.

Of course you were...

Because you're
an exceptional parent,

which is not something
that I can put on my resume.

I'm too busy
spouting off at the mouth

without thinking.

Our daughter wants to go
on a literary pilgrimage.

Who the fuck does that
in this day and age, right?

And what kind of malignant
fucking asshole

wouldn't indulge
that sort of behavior...

However asinine?

My thoughts exactly.

You mean we're in agreement
on something?

It looks like it.

[Shudders]

That's a minor
fucking miracle, isn't it?

Mmhmm. You want to go in
and tell her yourself?

You come with me.
We'll tell her together.

[Karen speaking indistinctly]

== sync, corrected by elderman ==