CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 3, Episode 2 - Roller Disco: Part 2 - full transcript

Hey, whatever happened
to Poncherello?

'Some sergeant
made him chairman'

of the entertainment committee
for the CHP benefit.

He's out, looking for stars.

You go right,
and you go..

Hey, aren't you..

...Ed McMahon?

Whoa! Hey!

I'm terribly sorry.

Stop him!
Stop him!

You were going too fast
to let go



and you were going too fast
for the cars behind you

to stop
in case you spilled.

'They would have rolled
right over you.'

Now, you get the idea?

- I'm fine.

OH, Mark took a little
skating trip on the freeway.

On the freeway?

But I don't think
it was intentional.

We teach skating.
Roller disco.

Have you girls
heard about

"Skate With The Stars,
Charity Spectacular"?

Sure. We've seen
the posters.

I'm entertainment
chairman.

Okay.
Let's try it out.



'Okay. Down!'

The next guy
that tailgates me

is in for
a big surprise.

'Yeah, we know. We'd love
to do your show. Yeah.'

Look, I'm telling you,
Frankie, there's no way.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He really
gets off doing your show.

Yeah, Merv. Yeah, looking
forward to seeing you. Bye.

Look, I'm not indestructible.

My manager-agent
should know that most of all.

I'm not indestructible.

Okay, Mr. Tailgater.

Medics are on their way.
Just take it easy, sir.

Take it easy
Do you know who this is?

This is Jimmy Tyler!

Tyler, the rock star?

Weren't you the two
that helped me out?

Uh, yeah. I'm one
of your biggest fans.

If there's anything I can do
to help you guys out

to say thank you.

Do you roller

I'm in a kind of a bind.
I need stars.

Celebrities, for a very
big, benefit show.

Celebrities? Hey, celebrities.
I know them all.

I mean, I know what
they had for breakfast.

Send your sister this..

You know something?
You guys sure got dumped.

Hey, what's wrong?
What do you mean?

You think
I'm stealing from you?

Well, then an outside audit
shouldn't bother you.

It's done a lot.

Yeah? Well, not with us.
Go ahead. Go ahead!

Okay? Go ahead.
Look at everything.

I don't need you.
I can handle my own affairs.

Cancel all the contracts!

Yeah, we didn't have a contract!
We did it all with a handshake.

Well, then cancel
the handshake.

'Hey! Somebody stop her!'

Stop her!

'All units, vicinity Venice
to smash-and-grab 2-11'

'just occurred
at Fields Discount Jewelry'

'Pacific Avenue.'

Fuzz. Go.

You guys sure
got faked out.

You and your
partner, too.

'Hey, wait a minute, Mark.'

I'm going to give you
an inside secret.

That is, if you
can handle it.

The good guys don't win
every round, alright?

That's some news flash.

Our, uh, doubting groupie
caught us in action again.

Big hero-image example
we're setting for him, huh?

Yeah, first time
since I've been riding

that I felt
at a disadvantage.

You know, Jon,
I got a plan.

Yeah?

But it
involves the girls.

Oh, brother,
that isn't a plan.

That's desire.

Nothing like a nice, organic,
vegetarian dinner, huh?

I'm going
into withdrawal.

So, if you don't mind,
I think I'll go split

and, uh,
get a chili dog.

Please.

Where do we start?

Well,
we were planning on, uh..

...getting acquainted
with the town.

Yeah, how about the side streets
off of Pacific

near that jewelry store?

Okay.

Well, you guys satisfied?

Well, we won't be satisfied
till we catch the characters

but at least now, we know
how they gave us the slip.

And that won't be
so easy to do next time

if we get another
chance at them.

Well, you want to come in
for a cup of coffee?

You must be tired.

- Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
- No, no, no.

I mean, thanks, but we ought
to check out the rehearsal.

Rehearsal?
For what?

'Part of a benefit show,
a roller beauty-pageant.'

Ah, showbiz.
I love it.

Hey, Ponch, look,
you don't have Ed McMahon

you don't have
Jimmy Tyler..

Hey, if I can get
Ed McMahon

you should be
able to get Jimmy Tyler.

If? If, if.
You never learn.

Right.

Poncherello.

Hey, Joe,
good to see you.

Yeah, you, maybe.

Why do I get this
terrible feeling

that Frank here,
is avoiding me?

Me

Well, let's just say
that you're having trouble

lining up the stars.

I mean, the cellist
from the Oxnard String Quartet

'isn't exactly John Travolta.'

Are you forgetting
about Ed McMahon?

Yeah, okay.
Well, that's one star.

- Yeah, alright.

'Listen up, girls. The audience
participation-stunt'

'will be right
after the parade'

but since we've got
so many guys here

why don't we practice
it right now?

Okay. This will be for timing.

Okay? Not for skating.

So, what I want you to do
is go up into the stands

get yourself a guy, and get him
back down on the floor.

'And let's all try to move
together when the music starts.'

Grossie, you ready?

Okay, Bonnie!

Girls, go get 'em.
Come on.

What was that?

Oh, uh , let's see,
that's about, uh..

...E

Guess it was just
too quiet.

Yeah, well, uh, you seemed to be
able to sleep through the wreck.

I wasn't just tired in that
car wreck. I was stone beat.

'Well, I'll be out of here
in about 30 minutes'

so, uh, you can sleep
all day

You know, I really
appreciate this.

You know, this place
is like heaven.

Well..

...hey, listen, Jimmy,
uh, you know

if I'm prodding into your
business, let me know, but..

...I don't understand, what
seems to be the big problem?

Well, in one word,
Balford.

Oh, he's stealing from you.
That's what you think?

Stealing my life.
That's what I'm sick of.

I mean, the guy
runs my life for me.

Just once, just once, I'd like
to make a decision on my own.

'A concert date, a talk show,
an album, anything.'

I feel things.

I'm not just
a piece of merchandise.

I guess that's what they call
an identity crisis, huh?

Hey, don't you start
putting me down, too, alright?

No, no. Listen, you're
a household name.

I mean, you know,
you're a millionaire

You own a Rolls-Royce,
you own a yacht

and you have a den
full of gold records

so, forgive me
if I have a problem

relating to your problem.

You want to talk money?
Let me tell you something.

I haven't had five bucks
in my pocket in five years.

You know why, 'cause
Balford doesn't think

I can be trusted with it.

I'm catching on.

I'm just sick
of the guy.

But all that's
going to change

'cause from now on,
Imake the decisions.

'Idecide.'

And that's my decision.

'Did I say the concert
was off? I did not.'

No! That's got nothing
to do with me.

Certainly,
the concert's still on.

Well, you better have it,
because I'm plugging it

on three talk shows
this week.

Do I sound like a guy
who's had a nervous breakdown?

It's just a rumor.

You can't let
a rumor like that

interfere with
a contractual obligation.

Right, you just take care
of the local promotion

and I'll take care
of filling the seats.

Right. Goodbye.

Hello?

Speaking.

Oh, hi, Merv.

Hey, listen, I've got
this great idea for a gag.

You come on, and you lip-sync
the lyrics to my new single

and then we duet.

Is that a trip?

Great. I-I love it.

Alright. I'll see you
at the studio at 3 o'clock.

Alright. Bye.

Wait a minute. I can't be
at the studio at 3 o'clock.

I've got an interview at..

Hello? Speaking.

Yeah.

Houston?

Let me see. Um..

Well, you know I can't be
at two places at once.

Yeah. I'm in New York
on the tenth.

Oh. Well, Houston's just
a rehearsal, isn't it?

Oh, it is.

Well, look, let me
check through my notes

and I'll call you
right back.

Right. Bye.

Brian, give me a hand
with this fan mail.

Brian?

Carlin, I,
I get thirsty and..

Well, where are you gonna find
a market on the, on the freeway?

Do you hear that
clown behind me

Oh, no.
Here we go again.

Hold on!

'Units vicinity
of 405 at Venice'

'a hit-and-run,
11-83 on the freeway.'

'Suspect vehicle,
a Dodge, green over black'

'last seen, southbound
toward Washington.'

Cop!

Let me handle this.

Afternoon, officer.

Alright.
Get out of the car.

Turn around and put
your hands on your head.

Aren't you guys
a little old to be playing

the skidder game, huh?

Franco.

Franco! Hey, my neck.
Look!

My neck. It's fine.
I'm cured. I'm cured!

Don't listen to him!
He's nuttier than a fruitcake!

What's that make you?
You were with him.

Listen..

...my neck.

It's my neck!

Hey, what's he got?
Little whiplash Huh?

Now you know
how it feels! Huh?

I'll call
an ambulance, Jon.

I'm gonna sue you,
Carlin.

I'm suing you
for every dime!

It's in my head!

Well, come over here
and get this collar, Franco.

You're gonna need it.

I'm gonna take this
to the supreme court!

The manager's
gonna report this, man.

I'm gonna lose
my lease.

Well, would you complain
if that was Roy Clark?

Sure, if he raised
this kind of disturbance.

Linda Ronstadt?

See how my life goes, I-I-I try
and get some quiet, and--

You call this quiet,
I mean, this is about as quiet

as World War III.

Well, in my business,
it's quiet.

And those fans outside

I don't know where
they came from

but I owe them
everything.

Jimmy, uh...who brought
all this stuff up here?

Well, I had some guys
deliver it.

I knew you
wouldn't mind.

Listen, I had some gourmet food
brought in, all on me.

Hey, go ahead, Ponch.
Have what you want.

Hey, look, Jimmy, uh, you said
you wanted a place to be alone

to rest, to hide.

Right. This is great.
I-I feel safe here.

Hello?
Yeah, this is him.

It's a call
I made to London.

England?

Uh, hey, partner.

Hello. London?

I don't know.
What do you think?

If it's a good investment,
go ahead.

Look, just don't bug me
with stuff like this.

'Look, why, why do I
have to call you?'

'Why don't you call me?'

Look, he wants me
to buy pork bellies.

I don't even know
what they are.

Jimmy, uh, I just talked
to the manager, man.

I mean, the neighbors
are complaining

about the uproar
in here.

The music is too loud.

Look, I-I-I'm really sorry.

I just can't keep track
of everything.

And those fans
out there, man.

This is not a recording studio
or a stage.

This is a place where
people want to live.

Excuse me.

Hello?

'No, Mr. Tyler is not in.'

I don't know
when he'll be back.

Okay. Thank you.

Why don't you just
leave it off the hook?

I can't,
because I'm on call.

And that brings up another
point, you tying up the phone.

Look, I'm sorry. Balford's
giving them the number here.

I-I've got investments,
I've got itineraries..

...a-all kinds of things
I don't even know about.

Come on, Jimmy.
I mean..

...that's a table,
that's a lamp, I'm a cop.

I mean, you're
a singer

I mean, if you were a
two-headed genius with six arms

you couldn't do
all this stuff by yourself.

Jon, don't do this to me.
I just need time.

Alright,
you have the time..

...but not here.

Man, this is my home.
Get an office.

I'm not into that.
I can't.

Well, then, hire a secretary
or an accountant, attorney

'something, man!'

Jon, you're
doingit to me.

Look, if you mean
Balford, no.

I mean, I don't want you
to take back somebody

that's stealing from you.

Frank's never stolen
a nickel in his life.

Yeah, well,
maybe he hasn't.

If he's so great,
then, uh..

...why couldn't he get some
stars for Ponch's benefit show?

Do you know how hard
it is to get stars?

People calling you
all the time.

I mean, I could do
benefits every night

if it wasn't
for Frank to take..

Jon, you did it
to me, didn't you?

Come on, Jimmy.

I mean, you tell me
you're tired, man

yet, you take on
all this extra work.

That you, that you want
to run your own life.

What do you really mean?

I could probably get you
some stars for the benefit.

Well, that'll make
my partner real happy.

Now, you wanna
make me happy?

I owe you.

Why don't you
tell those fans to

be quiet
and go on home?

Do you want me
to clear out?

Well, not till you
get your head together.

Then I'll stay.

It's my decision.

Want to turn to page 32
in your contract.

Page 32.
Yeah, I'll hold.

Come in!

'Okay.
Look, it's in simple language.'

'I mean, we supply the album,
you supply--'

'Hey, what's
so hard about that?'

You pay for the expense,
and we get the album.

I'm not his manager anymore.
I'm sorry.

If you want adjustment
call Jimmy himself.

He's handling
his own affairs.

What can I tell you, pal?
Goodbye.

That's the end of that problem.
What's yours?

You threw me a curve.

I contacted all the names
you gave me

for Skate With The Stars.

You know how many
takers I got?

Zero, man.
Not one.

I can't understand it.

I mean, those are
all friends of mine.

Well, half of them
already think

you kicked the bucket,
Mr. Balford.

And most of them haven't
heard from you in years.

Tybal Productions.
Speaking.

'And now Jimmy Tyler's
big hit, "Give In"!'

♪ I know you want me,
no need to act shy ♪

♪ So don't turn your head
when I'm passing by ♪

♪ You say to yourself,
girl ♪

The first big hit.

♪ But girl don't you know
you'll be with me tonight ♪

♪ In spite of yourself ♪

Figure that'll
solve it, huh?

Just turn him off.

What do you
know about it?

I know about
being partners.

These are Jimmy's things.
I better get them packed.

You run everything
out of this office, huh?

You know, I expected
something lush...

...with a bunch
of secretaries.

Yeah? Well,
that was the idea.

Keep expenses down.
Pay as you go.

Two-man operation.

Yeah, but now you're
a conglomerate and, uh..

...you're still running things
out of your hip pocket.

Do you want to know
why nobody knows who I am?

Because I've
spent all my time

making Jimmy Tyler
what he is today.

Tired, lonesome,
confused.

Tell me something,
Mr. Balford.

'If you have been so busy
masterminding all this'

how long has it been since
you had a talk with Jimmy Tyler?

I mean talked
to Jimmy Tyler.

It's a good song,
"Give in."

Yeah, that's, uh..

That's our first pressing.

Yeah, we used to laugh
how it went by always.

I, uh..

I was looking for a singer
I could build and, uh..

He was looking for
a manager he could trust.

Next case.

- Yeah.

You know, like some people keep
the first dollar they make

first ticket they write.

Hey, there's
a charity group called

Actors and Others for Animals.
They're pretty nifty.

If I can get them,
I'll give you a call, okay?

Please, don't call.

Just come and bring them.

Oh, Mr. Balford

it may cost you
to hire assistants..

...but it's a lot cheaper
than losing friends.

I got a bad feeling
about this setup, Romo.

After this job,
I've had it.

Look, man, we've
saved almost $2,000

from selling
these credit cards.

I mean, maybe after we show
Lita all this money

we can quit this stuff.

Maybe.

But I'm just gonna
take my share

and I quit.

We've been together
a long time, bro.

You quit, I quit.

There you go.
Have a nice day.

Hi.

Smile, honey, and start
counting out bills.

'Units in the Venice area,
silent alarm.'

'Possible 2-11 in progress
at the bank'

'Venice traffic circle.'

7 Mary 3 and 4
responding.

Halt!

Hold it!

Take it easy.

This is the pits.

Busted by a meter maid.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Why not use it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you wait
for water skis?

Want me to pull you out?

That was really terrific!

Class A chase.
First-boat all the way.

I'll tell you
something, Mark.

The bad guys win
some of the battles

but good guys do their homework,
they win most of the wars.

'Welcome, everybody,
to the CHP'

'Skate With The Stars
benefit!'

'Come on, everyone,
put on those skates'

'get down, and skate
with the stars, alright!'

'We got Melissa Sue Anderson
and Nancy Kulp.'

'Lee Meriwether's
skating tonight.'

'And there's Robert Mandan'

'and Cindy Williams!'

'Todd Bridges.'

'George Peppard!'

'Dan Haggerty's
with us tonight.'

Hey, how you
doing, buddy?

Good.
How are you doing, man?

'Hey, there's Buddy Smolch!'

'Dana Plato!'

'Antonio Fargas!'

'Even Johnnie Ray's
skating tonight!'

'Get down. Barbara Lewis
having a good time.'

'Earl Holliman!'

'Hey, Cindy!'

'What a fantastic night, folks.
Come on!'

'Get on those skates
and dance with our stars.'

'You know who we got tonight?
Why, we have with us tonight'

'Vic Tayback, Jo Ann Pflug,
Richard Hatch'

'Gwynne Gilford, Peter Lupus.

'They're all out
to help tonight.'

'Doctor Love, Andrew Prine'

'Victor French,
Madelyn Rue'

'Peter Marshall,
Jackie Wilson.'

'Tonight you can boogie with
Jo Anne Worley, Tina Louise'

'Michael Paul, Ruth Buzzi,
Susan Richardson.'

'They're all on skates tonight!'

'Dick Van Patten,
Adam Rich'

'Brett Somers, Vivian Blaine,
and Dody Goodman.'

'So come on, everybody!
Skate with the stars!'

Well, it's a full house,
and they're still coming.

Tell Frank I take back
everything I said about him.

Well, there he is.
Why don't you tell him yourself?

Of course,
I don't think it'd register.

Amazing. I never knew
Ponch had so many friends.

- Yeah, that makes two of us.

Well, time for the beauty
contest. Excuse me.

Hey, uh..

Smile pretty, huh?

Funny, Jon.

I better go
check on my judges.

And now, ladies and gentlemen

relax and enjoy as your
California highway patrol

brings you the world's first
roller disco beauty contest!

Hey, let's hear it
for your favorites, okay?

'Our judges tonight are
Andrew Prine, Lee Meriwether'

'Todd Bridges,
Melissa Sue Anderson'

'Richard Paul,
and Ruth Buzzi.'

Hey, it's about time.
I was starting to get worried.

What did I miss?

Uh, beauty contest.
I think they got a winner.

Any of my friends
show up?

Everybody you called
plus some. Come on.

You better get on
up there, alright?

'Here to crown
the roller beauty queen'

'the president of
Actors and Others for Animals'

'Mr. Earl Holliman!'

Thank you.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Let's hear it for Cindy!

And now, ladies and gentlemen

the great Jimmy Tyler!

♪ I know you want me
no need to act shy ♪

♪ So don't turn your head
when I'm passing by ♪

♪ You say to yourself girl
that it isn't right ♪

♪ But girl don't you know
you'll be with me tonight ♪

♪ In spite of yourself

♪ You really need
what I'm wanting to give ♪

♪ Give in

♪ In to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I wanna
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

♪ In to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I wanna
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

♪ I know you need me
and I know why ♪

♪ So girl don't you think
we should give it a try ♪

♪ Don't be concerned
what your mama might say ♪

♪ 'Cause you know you'll do
what you want anyway ♪

♪ Be good to yourself

♪ 'Cause love is a thing
that you're longing to give ♪

♪ Give in

♪ Give in to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I wanna
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

♪ Give in to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I wanna
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

Jimmy's here.
Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, he asked me not to.

He was afraid you
wouldn't show up.

- See ya.
- Hey, hold it. Not so fast.

What's next,
handcuffs?

Don't tempt me, huh?

♪ Give in

♪ Give in to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I wanna
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

♪ Give in to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I want to
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go
give in ♪

♪ Give in to all the fire
in your heart ♪

♪ Give in

♪ You know I want to
enter every part ♪

♪ Of your heart and soul

♪ Let yourself go ♪

And now, music lovers..

...let's boogie!

Hey.

Jimmy Tyler, this is..

Frank Balford.

Hi, kid.
What do you do?

Sing,
play a little music.

It wasn't bad.

Not bad at all.

I could make you a star,
you know.

You think so?

It's possible.

I need someone to handle
the business end.

I'm no good at that.

Well, I'm, uh,
I'm hiring some people.

Maybe we could spend
some time together

and, you know,
maybe be friends.

I think we can
let them go, huh?