CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 3, Episode 1 - Roller Disco: Part 1 - full transcript

Hey.

I know you're one of my men

because I see you at
briefing all the time.

Oh, yeah. See, I'm, uh,
Frank Poncherello's partner.

Jon Baker!
Ha ha! Sure.

Uh..

...whatever happened
to Poncherello?

Oh, well,
that happened.

You see, some sergeant, uh--

Yeah?

Made him chairman of the
entertainment committee



for the CHP Benefit.

He's out looking for stars.

Well, what happened to the stars

we had last year?

Recording dates,
rehearsal, on tour.

I mean, you know how it
is with showbiz stars.

No, no, I don't, but I do know
how it is in the highway patrol

biz, and he's supposed
to be riding his beat.

Sarge, he only has a couple of
days, and he's having trouble.

Now, give him
a break, will you?

Alright, I'll give him a break.

And I'll do the same for you.

You will?

I'll ride with you myself.



Whoa!

I'm terribly sorry.

If it weren't for me,
you might have caught him.

I've seen some smash-and-grab
artists around here.

amateurs, mostly,
but those guys were pros.

Know how much I had in
that wallet, over 100 bucks.

Not to mention credit cards.

You know, you should carry

those traveler's checks.

Okay, did you get that,
operator?

You didn't get it?

I put...I put $1.80 in!

Yeah!

I put in 6 quarters and 3 dimes.

'Oh, wonderful. Okay, fine.'

'We'll start over.
You'll give it back.'

Okay, okay. Here we, here we go!

Are you ready, dear?

Alright, here is a quarter.

Aah! Stop him! Stop that boy!

Hey, lady, pull over!

You got a kid on the back!

Stop! Please stop!

Hey, pull over! Hey, lady!

'Hey, pull over!'

Stop! Somebody!

Hey, you got a kid on the back!

Stop!

You got a kid on the back!

Help!

Hey, pull over! Pull over!

Stop!

You guys clock me?

I must have been
doing 50 at least!

Yeah, well, we'll get to
that in a minute. You okay?

I'm cool.
What's the problem?

I'll ask the questions. You just
answer them. What's your name?

Mark, Mark Donalds.

Here, my student ID.

That's alright,
you had no way of knowing

the boy was hanging
on the back of your car.

Oh, my heavens! My heart's
beating like a trip hammer.

Well, when you feel like it,
you're free to go.

What I'd like to do is spank

the daylights out of
that kid back there.

I understand.

'You were going
too fast to let go'

and you were going too fast
for the cars behind you to stop

'in case you spilled, they would
have rolled right over you.'

Now you get the idea?

That's a pretty dangerous
spot you're in, son.

How did it happen?

Uh, I hooked on to the back

of the car up on the pier

and, uh, some guy
was chasing me.

I'll call for a car.

I want you to backtrack on this.

So, some guy was chasing you?

Why

Oh, some old lady got excited,
but it was nothing.

Look, if you're trying to put
a new twist on roller-skating

you better stop it
right here, alright?

I'm 12 years old.
What could you do to me?

Could help you make
it to 13, for openers.

Destination
is Santa Monica Pier.

10-5, Mary 4.

Poncherello will
meet you at the pier.

You should have seen
that kid's expression

when he came off that bumper.

I mean, not a nerve showing.

Yeah, well,
confidence like that

will take him a long way.

Yeah, in either direction.

Yeah.

'Woman in a phone
booth started yelling.'

'Claimed some kid tried
to grab her change.'

I see. Is this kind of
thing a problem around here?

Oh, no. It's a new one on me.

Okay.

Hey, Mark, your parents home?

Alright, get in the car, son.

We'll meet you
over there, huh, bear?

Okay.

You're the brains
of this outfit, Lita.

It's whatever you say.

I'm the brains?

You think it takes brains
to grab a lousy 100 bucks?

What about the credit cards?

There are some
pretty good ones here.

Yeah, Lita.
They're worth something.

You bet...about, uh..

...two years a piece.

They go in the trash.

Okay, I'll do it.

Don't you two ever, uh..

...feel like you want to
try something on your own?

What for?

I mean, we're doing pretty good.

A 100 bucks split three ways.

You call that good?

Oh, come on.
We just had a little bad luck.

That's all.

But you'll think of somethin'.

Wipe off your...fingerprints

'wrap them in scrap paper'

and throw them in
a closed-top trash can.

Okay, Lita.

Come on, now, you know you
can depend on my man Romo.

He'll do exactly like you said.

I know.

I guess nobody's home.

So...why don't you
guys just leave a note?

You live here with your parents?

Not exactly.

I'm staying here
with my sister.

'Do you guys have to
tell her everything?'

Yeah, everything.

She's the one coming up
in the white pants.

Alright, let's go.

What happened?

- I'm fine.

Uh, Mark took a little
skating trip on the freeway.

On the freeway?

But I don't think
it was intentional.

'Are you kidding?'

You know how much
these wheels cost?

I think I burned out a bearing!

Excuse me.
I'm Frank Poncherello.

Could we talk?

My name is Bettina.

Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.

Mark, if you were
my little brother

you'd be grounded for a month.

Everybody gets lucky sometime.

Our parents are
going through a divorce.

Mark's staying with me
until everything's settled.

I'm no whip-cracker

but...he's not
allowed to run wild.

'I feed him well.'

And he's always in
bed by ten o' clock.

Sounds like he's
got a good home.

It's clean.

And I love him very much.

It's just that he's at an age

when he won't listen to women..

...you know, kind of
a juvie-macho stage.

I'm gonna be the hottest
eight-wheeler on the walk!

Then, man, I'll have it all!

You know what,
I guess street skating

just wasn't around
when you guys were kids.

No, no, no, no.
That's a wrong guess.

You see, uh, freeway
skating is a bad variation

besides being illegal.

But we won't see you
again, will we, huh?

Okay, okay, can I split now?

I want you home for supper,
and no excuses.

Thanks.

Okay?

'You guys made a big hit.'

He doesn't say thanks even

when I give him lessons.

What kind of lessons?

We teach skating, roller disco.

You'd be surprised
how many important people

have taken it up.

Oh, do you have any,
uh, celebrity students?

Sure, lots of them.

Have you girls heard about..

..."Skate with the stars"..

...charity spectacular?

Well, sure.
We've seen the posters.

Oh, well, uh..

...I'm entertainment chairman.

And I got a couple openings.

Maybe some of your
students might like

a chance to show their stuff,
uh..

Maybe some name
entertainers too

and, you, you'd really be
helping a needy, needy cause.

Well, some of our pupils
are giving demonstrations

at the Venice Pavilion.

Why don't you come on by?

Hey, yeah. I'd love to. Sure.

Great!

Great!
We'll see you then.

- Alright, have a good day.
- Okay! Bye-bye.

You know what I might do?

Take roller disco lessons.

What are you, a mind reader?

Hey, my pet rock could
have figured that out.

Okay, let's try it out.

Carlin..

...are you sure
you wanna do this?

Look, it's a neck-for-a-neck.
Try it out!

Okay, down!

Up!

Those pneumatic shocks
work just great.

The next guy that tailgates me

is in for a big surprise!

Hey, come on,
let's give it a try.

Look, just don't stand there.
Open the gate, huh?

Yeah, Jimmy's going over
his...promos now, Merv.

Yeah. Oh, no! He'd love
to do your show. Yeah!

Tell him I do a great
sleepwalking act.

Yeah, well, I thought
he could, you know

talk about his promos
and, uh, do a couple songs.

Look, I'm telling you, Frankie,
there's no way!

Oh, yeah, yeah. He really
gets off doing your show.

Yeah, Merv.
Yeah, yeah, great.

Yeah, looking forward
to seeing you. Bye.

What are you trying to do,
ruin my credibility?

I mean I've worked long and hard

in these arrangements,
you knew that!

I don't care what I knew.

One more talk show could
put me away. I'm exhausted!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, maybe you're right.

I think we're...both coming
down with a little jet lag.

Look, I'm not indestructible.

My manager-agent should
know that most of all.

I'm not indestructible!

Hello!

Oh, uh, hi, Mike. I'm sorry.
I was just going to call you.

'Yeah, Jimmy's really
high on doing your show.'

'Yeah, Thursday's fine.'

Yeah, right. See you.

Well, after this tour
and we're caught up

on our financial commitments
maybe we can, uh

talk about a rest, okay?

Jimmy?

Jimmy, are you listening to me?

- Lousy, just like always.

Well, I thought by
now your, your neck

would be feeling
a little bit better.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I got only half

the settlement I deserved!

It only took us
a couple of weeks

to spend it, remember?

Sorry I asked.

Hey, hey, hey.

Check out that limo behind us.

What about him?

You see the look he's
giving my...wheels, huh?

I mean, it's just like
we were nothing, right?

Boy, you got good eyes.

Look, it's been Jimmy
and me from the day one.

If I said he's going to do it,
he's going to do it, okay?

Okay, okay, I'll let you
hear from the big man himself.

'Jimmy.'

Jimmy?

Look, I'll get
back to you, okay?

Jimmy?

Okay, Mr. Tailgater.

Ha ha! Did you see that?

Was that beautiful?
Huh? Ha ha!

What if there's
somebody dead back there?

If it was that tailgater,
who cares? Ha ha!

LA 15, 7 Mary 3.

'Multiple 11-83 Ventura
West of Joseph Avenue.'

Roll 11-41 and paramedics.

You just stay in
your car while we get

this thing sorted out, sir.

Incredible!

Sparks everywhere.
I, I couldn't see.

Sparks? Like from
a dragging muffler?

Worse, much worse.

Never saw anything like it!

Alright, listen, I'm gonna
wanna a statement from you, sir.

- Yes.

Help! Help! Mayday!

The medics are on their way.
Just take it easy, sir.

Take it easy
You know who this is?

This is Jimmy Tyler!

- Yeah.

I want him to have
the finest medical attention.

He'll get it.

Just don't move him.

Mr. Balford.

Oh, give it to me straight, doc.

I mean, how is he?

Well, fortunately, he was asleep

and completely relaxed
when the accident happened.

If there's a mark on him,
I can't find it.

Ah, that's great, doc.

I mean...I mean,
that's really great.

May I help you gentlemen?

- We'd like to see Mr. Tyler.
- Oh, just routine.

For the accident report, okay?

If you can keep him awake

I can see no reason why not.

Mr. Tyler, uh, I'm Jon Baker.

I'm sorry to bother you,
but, uh--

Hey, don't worry about it.
I'm cool.

I'm Frank Poncherello.
How's it going?

Going?
Don't say that around here.

Because I'm not going anywhere.

Who's that?

Uh, the doctor said
you were alright.

Not even a little
bruise or anything.

Oh, well, it's
Frank Balford, my manager.

Didn't recognize
him without his whip.

Look, how about a truce till
these gentlemen leave, okay?

As a rule, he's attached

to the phone always
making promises about me.

Well, if I wasn't,
you'd still be singing

to the pigeons in Central Park.

And loving every minute of it.

You better understand that

because there's going
to be some changes.

Hey, look, uh, we'll
let you get some rest.

We'll talk to you later,
alright?

'Rest'

Are you joking? You guys stay.

Let him leave.

Yeah, well,
I-I just might do that.

And I don't need this from you.

'Okay, go ahead.'

'Go back to
booking carnival acts!'

Go ahead. Take a hike.

Hey, I'm...sorry about that.

We connected on one hit song.

He's been on my back ever since.

Um, it's not about business

but, uh, we thought he
was worried about you.

Ha ha! You kidding?

In the last six months
I've written 11 hit songs

done two albums
and produced them.

'And I just came off a 23 city
concert tour in the last month.'

'Now, I got to start
thinking of new material'

'for the next
recording session.'

And what does he want me to do?

He wants me to
do four talk shows

in the next two days.

And what is he worried about?

He's worried about me
getting to New York

on time the next day.

If I were dead,
he'd have something to do

before I went into the box.

Now, look, Mr. Tyler,
about the accident..

Was anyone hurt?

No, not seriously.

Do you remember anything?

Nothing.
I slept right through it.

Okay, listen, why
don't we check you later

in case, uh,
something comes back?

Hey, weren't you the
two that helped me out?

Uh, yeah. I'm one
of your biggest fans.

Got all your records.

If there's anything I can do

to help you guys out,
say thank you.

Well, do you,
do you roller

- Uh, it's just a question.

Better let him get
some rest, huh, Ponch?

- Alright.
- Catch you later.

- See you later.
- Later.

Listen, give the guy
a break, would you?

He's flat on his back.

Oh, Jon, Jon!

I don't think you
understand show business.

I don't suppose that Jimmy
thought of thanking you guys.

I just want to tell
you...I'm really grateful.

Oh, that's okay, Mr. Balford.

Uh, could I talk to
you for a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Uh, excuse me.
I'll wait outside.

Jimmy in there..

...he said that if there was
anything that he could do--

Well, that goes
for both of us.

Well, sir,
it just so happens..

...I'm in a kind of a bind.

I need stars, celebrities

for a very big benefit show.

Celebrities? Hey, celebrities,
I know 'em all.

I mean, I know what
they had for breakfast!

I've had a lot of
celebrities sign with me.

I need Jimmy Tyler
like the mumps!

Here, take my card.
Call me tomorrow morning.

I'll give you
celebrities out the ears.

Oh, wow. Thanks, Mr. Balford.

Um, but it would really be great

to have Jimmy there too.

I'm sorry.
That's out of my hands.

Hey, listen, whether
you know it or not

you're still in emotional
shock from the accident.

Jimmy's just plain beat out.

Yeah, well,
I couldn't care less.

'Oh, come on, Mr. Balford.'

You were so worried
when we got here.

You were sweating bullets.

Well, when you've
been with someone

as long as I've been with him

I, I mean, he's been with me--

'You've been together, right?'

In business, on tour.

Together you've had
a dozen hit records.

Yeah. I produced the
first song he ever wrote.

"Give in."

You know that?

Ah, well, that's, uh, that's
what brought us together.

It used to mean
something to him.

Maybe it still does,
Mr. Balford.

Uh, if you walk away,
you may never know.

I'll call you, okay?

- Oh, hi!
- Hi!

Oh, she's sensational.

We thought you might
like her for your show.

Oh, and we got a maybe
from Anthony Muscory.

He's the cellist with
he Oxnard string quartet.

Terrific.

What other stars do you have?

Uh, well, I, I got a list

of really top-name celebrities

from a very big talent agent.

And I haven't had time
to contact them yet

but, uh, everything's
looking fantastic.

- Oh, good.
- Great!

Hey, six-dollar. Come on, come
on! Time is money.

Have a nice day.
Yellow will look great on you.

Okay, go. Go!

Four big ones. Come on.
Come, come, come, come!

Don't crowd. Don't crowd.

That's new this year.

Send your sister.
That's seven bucks.

'Be sure and, hey,
send your mother, okay?'

Okay, have a good day.

Hey, police! Stop him!

'Hey, stop that guy!'

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Well, I got
a good look at him.

Yeah, me, too, from behind.

You know something?
You guys sure got dumped.

Now, what do we do
for an encore, huh?

Uh, Bonnie,
six more skate clubs

sponsoring entrants
to the beauty contest.

Okay, crime fighters,
let's settle down.

I have here
some accident reports

involving a 1970
green Chevy Sedan.

That's been raising
Cain on the freeways.

Now, this vehicle's
rear end is equipped

with hydraulics.

And there's a skid plate
that's welded to the frame.

Now, the rear end
can be lowered

so that the skid plate makes

contact with the surface.

The result can look
like the fourth of July.

It's identical to
a stunt Boulevard Cruisers

used to pull a few years back.

In fact, we used to
call them skidders.

Now, this particular skidder
has lowered its skid plate

on a couple of automobiles

and victimized some
motorcyclists too.

Caused one multiple
TC...with injuries.

Now, witnesses place
two males in the car.

Now, what motivates
them we don't know.

So if you see 'em, use caution.

Let's get them off the road.

'Okay, that's it.'

Oh, Poncherello!

LAPD copied in a couple
of smash-and-grab reports

in the Venice area,
I put them in your boxes.

- Oh, I'll get them!
- Uh, Frank, here!

I'd like a list of
the performers for the benefit.

We're running out of time.

Hey, you want performers?

Check this out.

Those are performers, sarge.

And I got an angle
on skating stars.

Hey!

I'm impressed.

Hey, would I ever let
you down, sarge, huh?

Oh, uh...does he, he really have

all those stars lined up?

Oh, yeah.
He's...he's just finalizing.

Oh.

Finalizing.

Make a left
and go right, then go..

Say.

Well, maybe you can help me.
I got a big problem.

Well, how big is
your problem, officer?

Well, my partner and I,
we don't know Beverly Hills.

And we're looking
for stars, celebrities

to appear at
a CHP Benefit for charity.

Hey, listen, we're always
happy to help the police.

Alright, well, first
thing I'm looking for

an...emcee type, you know?

Uh, Regis Philbin, Army Archerd.

Ha ha!
Well, personally, I like--

Does Michael Landon live here?

I thought you were
looking for an emcee type.

What do you bet he's moved?

Probably. That map's
over 20 years old.

Listen, I got a great idea
for an emcee.

Or James Garner,
you know, he'd be great.

Does he live here?

No. That...I'm sure of.

Oh, well, that's too bad.
My partner Jon and I--

'Wait a minute.'

You got a partner named Jon?

- Right.
- Ha ha ha!

I've had a partner
named John for years.

Jon and I have been
together...a long time.

Don't know what
I'd do without him.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Does your partner...
he ride a motorcycle?

No, but if he hasn't

it's the only thing
he's overlooked.

I appreciate your help.

Okay.

Officer..

...is that your partner?

Yeah.

Well..

...your troubles are over.

How's that?

Well, here's..

...Johnny!

Hey, aren't you..

Ed McMahon?

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

- I'm supposed to be resting.
- So rest!

Well, how do you
expect me to rest

with you hovering
over me like a vampire?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to make
sure you were alright.

Why? Am I supposed to
do "The Tonight Show?"

Hey, what's really wrong?

I'm tired!

So you've been working hard.

Oh, you've noticed!

Yeah, I noticed. I noticed.

Didn't think
anybody ever noticed me.

Every time you step in
front of that spotlight

I spend days setting up things

going over hundreds of details.

Look, I've heard this speech
before a thousand times

and every time I hear it

I always end up
feeling guilty, really!

Maybe I should be pacing
and you should be resting.

Look, we made an agreement.

I mean, it's supposed to
be a two-man operation.

And you were going to
handle all the music

and I was gonna handle
all the arrangements.

I mean, it worked
pretty good so far.

Yeah, great agreement.
You're tired and I'm exhausted.

Yeah. When we first met,
you were exhausted with failure.

When I met you, you
had some drunk juggler

'and you were thinking
about selling real estate!'

That's the nature
of the business!

It's a high energy drain.

I mean, valleys and peaks..

Are you saying
a couple of days rest

is going to ruin my career?

Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Go ahead and rest.

Go ahead and rest, okay?

I'll have to shade
this to the press.

I'm tired!

Do you know what this is
gonna look like in the trades?

"Rock star snaps
under pressure."

'"Tries to make comeback
in intensive care ward?"'

And worse than that they

won't mention your name at all.

Look, you're trying to lay
this guilt trip on me again.

As if without you I'd
become an overnight flop.

Would you be realistic?
Rock stars burn out.

I mean, you gotta
make it while you can!

I'm making it. I read
about it in the papers!

I read about
the concert grosses.

I read about the gold records.

But where's the money?

I try to explain the financial
statements to you.

Oh, right, as if
a dummy rock star's

supposed to do anything
but read music.

Well, maybe I should do
an outside audit.

Hey, what's wrong?

Do you think I'm
stealing from you?

Well, then an outside
audit shouldn't bother you.

- It's done a lot.
- Yeah, but not with us.

Go ahead! Go ahead, okay?
Go ahead! Look at everything.

Yeah! Look at everything!
Look at the promos.

And look at the record dates!
Look at everything!

Good! I want to
see all the books!

Go ahead!
Everything's in the office!

Well, then I'll send for 'em!

Yeah, well,
my conscience is clear.

I can leave you where
I found you, nowhere!

I've had it. That's it!
I don't need you!

I can handle my own affairs!
Cancel all the contracts!

Yeah? We didn't have a contract.

We did it all with a handshake.

Well, then cancel the handshake!

Brian, look, bring my Ferrari

to the hospital
parking lot right now.

Right, and leave the
keys over the visor.

Hey, you know who that is?

Jimmy Tyler.

- You know.

'He's lucid, rational,
and coordinated'

but...I found him
parked there crying.

Mind if I talk to him, Grossie?

No. Take over if you want.

Jon seems to understand him.

Excuse me.

Jimmy.

Want to tell me about it?

I don't.

It's confusion in my head.

I was trying to work things out.

Realized I was
driving like an idiot.

So I pulled over.

Where were you going?

That's the part
I didn't work out.

I was just trying
to get away from Balford.

From everything.

There's got to be someplace.

Listen, uh.

Are you okay to drive?

That's the part I worked out.

Okay, why don't you follow
Ponch and me, alright?

Hey, just pull it
in there and lock it.

You're really a soft
touch, Jon, you know?

Oh, come on.
The guy's tired, he's wrung out.

I'm letting him
use my apartment.

This is alright.

Listen, uh, if you're hungry

the kitchen's
pretty well stocked.

And the bathroom is right
back here, on the right.

Right here.

'If you want to take a shower'

'the towels are right
up here in the closet.'

And I don't know what time
I'll be home tonight

'so the bed's yours,
I don't want to wake you up.'

Uh, Jon?

Yeah?

I wouldn't worry about it.

Hey, Lita, how do you get
these wheels to come out?

Hey, that's neat.
Let me try that.

It's not a toy.

The idea is, I can walk
into a place and skate out.

It comes in threes, here.

Plus we have chains.
Very feminine.

Excuse me a moment,
please.

Certainly.

Every caper she thinks
of is more dangerous

than the one before.

Wish we'd never
taught her how to skate.

Yeah, but working on
skates was her idea, Ty.

Yeah, after she met us.

Yeah, well, maybe we can
make this big score today

and blow this town, huh?

Yeah, maybe.

Could I look
at the pendant again, please?

Of course.

It's beautiful.

'Hey, somebody stop her!'

Stop her!

'All units vicinity Venice'

'a smash-and-grab
2-11, just occurred'

'at Fields Discount Jewellery,
Pacific Avenue.'

Fuzz. Go!

Back it up!