CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 2 - Undertow - full transcript

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Hey, did you see me
swishing it

from the top
of the key last night?

Didn't even drive.

Yeah, well, I just hope
you can do that during the game.

Are you kidding?
I was raised on basketball.

They used to call me
High Points Ponch.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Who was your coach?
- Globetrotters.

I used to watch 'em on TV
all the time.



[female #1]
'Calling street units, LA.'

'There's a disabled female'

'brown four-door 450SEL'

'southbound, one-quarter mile
north of Colorado.'

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

'Golden State Unit responding.
Please answer.'

LA-7 Mary 3 and 4.

We'll check out
the Mercedes.

[female #1]
'Ten-four, 7 Mary 3.'

[dramatic music]

Now, give me those rings.
Come on, quick, hurry.

There she is.

Well, she sure can't
complain about the service.



Gimme that..

[female #2]
'Help!'

Help. Help. Help me!

Hey, what's that joker doin'?

Help me!

'Help. Help.'

Help me.

He robbed me.
He took everything.

- Well, do something!
- Just take it easy, ma'am.

We'll take care of it, okay?
Just take it easy.

Next time, pal.

LA-15 7 Mary 4.

Roll an 11-85, a fire rig
and two units for an 11-84.

Uh, did you see the name on
the side of the truck, ma'am?

Oh, it was,
uh, uh, Teddy.

Uh, Tommy?
Uh, no, no, no.

No, no, Toluca.
Oh, I don't know.

[sobbing]

Well, can you remember
anything else?

Well, well, don't you know?
I mean, you sent him.

Oh, I can assure you, ma'am,
that man had nothin' to do

with the Highway Patrol.

All I know is,
I, I called CHP

and a man came
and robbed me.

He even took
my wedding rings.

[hissing]

Whoo!

Whoo!

[banging]

- You okay?
- Sure.

I've been in a heck
of a lot worse than this.

- Here, let me give you a hand.
- Sure.

- You okay? Are you sure?
- Yes, I am. Alright.

You mind if we
step away from this?

My pleasure.

Oh, my Lord. Man.

That stuff really
does stink, don't it?

Do you know
what that is?

- Don't you?
- No.

- Where are your papers?
- Don't have none.

Cargo like this
has got to have papers.

Look, I asked 'em for papers,
and all they said was

"Pull out,
you're behind schedule."

So, I did.

[honking]

Well, do you know
if this stuff is explosive?

No, I,
I don't think so.

Although the guys that was
loading it, they was smoking.

It didn't blow up then.

[honking]

Spooking a flatbed,
huh, Ponch?

I'm surprised at you.

Hey, call Caltrans

and tell 'em to bring
their best perfume.

You got it.

[Ponch]
'Hey, he's okay, alright?
Yeah, he's been--'

Los Angeles 15-5 Mary.

10-97 to 7 Mary 4.

Notify Caltrans to send home
state-paid truck for cleanup.

[female #1]
'Ten-four, 5 Mary.'

Hey, Ponch,
that, uh..

Whew! I gotta talk to you
about your deodorant, old buddy.

Very funny.

Guess who the, uh,
tow-truck driver was?

- Don't tell me.
- That's right.

- That makes number three.
- "Zorro strikes again."

In fact, this time, he took
the lady's wedding rings.

All victims women.
Stranded and alone.

You know, he's bad news.

Yeah, we gotta
catch that turkey.

You know this stuff, uh..

This would make
a great stink bomb.

I got news
for you, partner. It does.

Now, we better
get back to Central

and write that report.

Yeah, well, uh..

I've heard
that "we" bit before.

Whee.

Hey, Brouillette,
that's nasty stuff, man.

- Oh, thank you, doctor.
- Hey, I'm not kidding.

That stuff will make you higher
than a jigger of martinis.

And it can really flip you out.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Whoo!

Hey, where
are you going?

Ponch.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I gotta freshen up. I wanna
look my best for Getraer.

What are you gonna do?
Ask him out?

Come on, Ponch,
there's a bathroom inside.

Oh, yeah.

But I like
the great outdoors.

[whistling]

[instrumental music]

Hey, Ponch,
you still got those hot hands?

Bobby, my hands
are always hot, and ready.

I'm gonna make
many points. Many.

- Alright.
- Ugh!

Bill, bill,
junk mail

inter-department memo.

[dramatic music]

- Bill..
- Inter-department memo?

You're not gonna
check it out?

In order
of importance, my boy.

- After the junk mail.
- Have you flipped out?

No, just feelin' good.

Well, you better find out what's
in those Ding Dongs you eat.

Anything you say, partner.

- This is it.
- What?

A message
from a beautiful flower.

Oh, another one.

Hey, Joe, my good buddy
and favorite sergeant.

How's your day?

Is it raining out, Frank?

Only around
the water hose.

Look, Frank, is, uh,
something the matter?

Never felt better. I mean,
with the basketball game.

It's the biggie.
The LA Rams?

And I'm gonna make
those oil barrels roll over.

[Ponch]
'It's gonna be
far out, sergeant.'

Look, Frank

I don't know
what you're up to today.

And I don't think
I wanna know.

Like, I hear you guys
had a, uh, run-in

with our friendly neighborhood
tow-truck driver.

Oh, yeah.

Ponch here, gave
him quite a run.

I sure did.

Well, why don't you guys
write it up, huh?

Right away, sir.

I think you better keep
your eye on him.

Uh, yeah.

Would you mind?

Sorry, partner.
How you coming?

Not very prolific, huh?

Yeah, well, someone keeps
interrupting my concentration.

Okay, okay, I won't
bug you anymore.

Target practice over.

Camellia?
I mean, uh, Camille?

Hey. Frank.

Ponch.

'You called.'

'Now you got it.'

'How you doing?'

Me? Ah, you know.
Cruisin' down the freeway.

[chuckles]

Oh, come on, that stuff
about the quotas is a myth.

I told you that.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah?

[laughs]

Then I'd have to pull you over
and write you a ticket.

Bribing an officer
is a no-no, baby.

[chuckles]

Oh, hey, Cam. I'm gonna be
starring in a basketball game.

Yeah, that's right,
you play your cards right

you could sit right
behind me on the bleachers.

- Uh, hey, knock it off.
- Just a minute.

What's the matter?

I'm trying
to write a report for us

and you're over there
playing "The Dating Game."

Now, why don't you go down
the hall and use the phone?

In fact, better yet, next time,
you can write the report.

Oh, no. Your penmanship
is a lot better than mine.

Sorry, Cam,
I gotta go, okay? Listen..

See you at the game, okay?
Right, bye, great.

- Come on, Romeo.
- Okay.

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

Looks like a deuce.

[Ponch]
'Either that
or his wheels are outta line.'

[siren wailing]

Hey, pull it over.

- Who, me?
- Yeah, you!

I want, I don't understand
what you're saying.

- Pull it over there!
- Over there?

- Right now!
- Alright.

- Police harassment.
- Get on that sidewalk.

[slurring]
Now, look.

Look here,
young man.

Before you, uh..

LA-15 7 Mary 3.

Roll a car unit for 11-48.
Deuce.

...that I am
a very prominent attorney

who is very close
with the LA...PD.

- Well, I'm CHP. See?
- Oh, yeah. I see.

- We work very closely--
- 'Ten-four, 7 Mary 3--'

[Ponch]
'Well, I'll keep that in mind
if ever I need an attorney.'

Officer,
can you help me?

- I'm lost.
- Yes, ma'am.

Now, have you
been drunking?

- Huh?
- I mean, drinking?

I'll have you kn-know
that I am cold-stone sober.

Well, I'll determine that.

You're gonna
have to take a urine test.

- Here? No way. No.
- Then, maybe a blood test.

Are you crazy, listen,
you, you..

- You keep your hands off me.
- No, no. Not here.

Those tests are for downtown.

Listen, I know the,
the laws in this state

and I'm entitled to three
on-the-spot sobriety tests.

Right here, uh,
first is the, is the, is the

finger on the nose,
walkin' the straight line and--

- Wrong.
- Wrong?

We're gonna start
with the alphabet.

Alphabet.

♪ A B C D F G I ♪

Wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. A, A B C D F?

- That's not right, is it?
- No kidding.

- Okay, okay, another test.
- Alright. Okay.

[Ponch]
'Now, I want you to extend
your right hand'

'with the index finger out.'

Now, all you have to do
is bring it around

and touch the tip
of your nose.

[chuckling]

- You missed.
- Shh! Shh!

I'll get it.

You've been
drinking, you--

- Shh!
- You had a few..

Thanks a lot, officer.

Good evening. Thank you.

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah,
and that was..

Excuse us, sir.
Come here.

- And, don't you go anywhere.
- I'll be right here.

What's the matter?
What are you doing?

Look, Ponch, I think
I know what's wrong with you.

What are you
talking about?

Remember those
chemical cylinders we..

It's gotta be,
you inhaled enough

of that stuff
to float a blimp.

You're higher
than a kite.

Now, you're gonna go to UC for a
little observation and detox.

Oh, come on. I don't
wanna go to hospital.

- Why not?
- The Rams. The game.

I'm the ace,
remember, without me

you guys are not
gonna make any points.

Ponch, hey.
It'll be our loss, okay?

What about Cam?
I don't wanna stand her up.

Well, look here, I'll
give her your best, huh?

Come on.

Don't you wanna see
my driver's license

and my registra...
Look at that, huh?

Huh?
Ha?

[Baker]
'I don't think
that will be necessary, sir.'

[male #1]
'Oh, really?'

'Alright, uh..'

'Don't say that I wasn't
cooperating with LAPD.'

Hey, I got two
of 'em for ya.

[chuckles]

[female #1]
'Attention Harbor Units LA.
Disabled female.'

'Maroon BMW,
northbound Harbor'

'to northbound Hollywood.'

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Pull it over!

Huh?

Pull it over right now!

Alright, huh..

Party's over, hot dog.

Huh?

[laughing]

[sighs]

'I don't believe you.'

[female #1]
'15-7 Adam.'

'Confirming your ETA of 5
to assist a disabled female.'

'Harbor-Hollywood interchange.'

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[cheering]

[whistle blows]

[Getraer]
'Alright. Come on.'

Watch the time.

[cheering]

Hey, terrific, Jon.
Attaway! Yippee!

[Getraer]
'Pick 'em up. Come on.'

Okay, now, let's go.

Come on.

Alright, set up, you guys.
Set a play up. Set a play up.

Come on, move back on defense.

Pick up your man.

Play back.

[Getraer]
'Good shot. Good defense.'

[whistling]

Rebound,
get the rebound.

Guys, go on.

Pick 'em up.
Get inside, get in position.

[groans]

Hey, Jon.
Bring it back.

Time, time, time, time.
Come on.

[whistle blows]

- Come on.
- Come on, you guys.

Come on. Look, we're in
a lot of trouble out there.

- You know that?
- Yeah, no kidding.

You see the size
of those monsters?

One of 'em
stepped on my knee.

I'm lucky I can walk,
let alone run.

Oh, we could've
used Ponch, man.

Look, forget about Ponch.

Hey, has anybody
seen his date?

Look, Baker, this is a lousy
time to think about girls, huh?

Sorry, sarge. Come on,
let's get it going, guys.

Okay, now, look.

Slow it down
out there, okay?

And get your shot,
and for once

let's put it
through the hoop, huh?

- Alright, okay. Here we go.
- Come on. Go.

[all]
Go. Hey!

Come on,
throw it together.

[whistle blows]

Okay, now set up.

[indistinct chatter]

Come on, will ya?

[crowd cheering]

[sighs]

- You gonna tell Ponch?
- What?

Oh, that we
lost the game?

He's gonna find out
sooner or later anyway.

What about
what's-her-name?

Yeah, well, uh, I think
I'll tell him about her too.

- 10-10.
- 10-10.

- Catch you later.
- Alright.

[male #3]
'So, this little chickie
looks at me'

'like it can only mean
one thing, right?'

So, I says to her

"Ain't you a little young
to be out so late, sweetheart?"

Excuse me.

So, I figured,
this chick is worth

a little ride
up to the lake.

- Well, I figured if--
- I said, "Excuse me."

So, I figured this chick
is worth a ride up to the lake.

So, we hop
into my truck--

- Come on, guys, this is my car.
- What, this little thing?

The wheels ain't
even big enough to carry.

- Just get off it, okay?
- Yeah, sure.

As soon as I finish
telling the boys a story.

So, we hop into my truck,
we start tooling up the freeway.

Fine, don't get off.

Hey, what do
you think you're doing?

I'm gonna drive outta here.
You wanna go with me? Fine.

Hey, not till I'm finished.

[grunts]

[coughing]

[grunting]

See what smokin' does to you?

[car door closes]

[instrumental music]

[female #3]
'Attention, visitors.'

Poncherello. 422?

'Visiting hours
will end in 10 minutes.'

'Attention, visitors.'

'Visiting hours
will end in 10 minutes.'

- Hey, old buddy.
- Hey, you got a penknife?

I gotta get out of here.
I gotta get out.

Oh, I don't--

- A screwdriver, a file?
- I don't know, why?

- What're you talking about?
- How about a safety pin?

My clothes are in that
closet. Locked up.

Maybe they want you to pay
your bill before you leave.

I'm over the effects.
I feel fine.

Now, I wanna get
out of here.

Not until
the doctor tells you to.

Hey, buddy, friend,
you've gotta help me.

Oh, hey, this mattress
is real comfortable.

[exhales]

Yeah, great.

Oh, come on, Ponch..

Just stay overnight
and you'll be home, free.

I don't think
I'm gonna make it.

[snoring]

You look a little grim.

Don't tell me
the Rams beat us by 30 points.

- Forty.
- Forty?

Ah, come on,
you're putting me on.

You're not putting me on?
I don't believe it.

You let those clumsy guys
walk all over you?

Clumsy?

Must have been a blow to Cam
not to see me there.

You mean
she wasn't even there?

I'm sorry, Ponch.

Hey, come on.

She probably thought
you weren't gonna be playing

so, she took a rain check.

Yeah, you're right.

She must've called Central.

But she could
have come to see me here.

I hope there's
a Ding Dong in this.

Two Ding Dongs
and a Cream-Puffy.

I'm gettin' out of this prison.
Poncherello wants out..

Poncherello gets out.

What's going on in here?
What's that?

What is what?

This is unauthorized food.

Go on, get in bed.

Down, sonny.

[snoring]

And visiting's over
in two minutes.

Yes, ma'am.

- Got it?
- Got it. Hoo-hoo!

[Ponch]
'See what I mean?'

You gotta help me
get that closet open.

I got it, let's get out
of...where'd she come from?

Oh, I don't know.
Friend of Getraer's?

Hi.

Ready for your sponge bath?

[instrumental music]

See ya, Ponch.

Okay, partner.

[instrumental music]

Hello, Jon.

Hey, old buddy.
How you feeling?

I've never
felt better.

I mean, did you
hang an eye on that nurse?

Yeah, as a matter of fact

I thought you might be sick for
at least another day or so.

[laughing]

She gives a mean sponge bath.

Oh, don't tell me that.

Hey, but I wouldn't
leave you alone

out here in the
front lines, partner.

- Thanks.
- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Now, you know, this is gonna be
what I call "My day."

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Sunshine, lollipops
and rainbows. I mean..

Everything that happens to me
today is gonna be right on.

[engine starting]

Well, that's
good to know, Ponch.

You know, when things
are right, they're right.

[bird squawks]

♪ Sunshine lollipops
and that ♪♪

That doesn't
look like rainbows, Ponch.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

I gotta wash my shield.

Sunshine and lollipops.
Love it.

[intense music]

[male #4]
'Help.'

Help. Help me!

'Somebody, please help me!'

'Help! Somebody help me!
Please.'

- He stole my money.
- Just take it easy.

'You go get him. Hurry.
He robbed me. Took my money.'

Easy. Take it easy.

[dramatic music]

[siren wailing]

[tires screeching]

[car honking]

[grunting]

[siren stops]

LA 15 7 Mary 3..

Suspect vehicle has TC'd
near Pine and, uh, Coxford.

Send an ambulance.
Pursuit is Code 4.

[grunts]

- Take it easy. Take it easy.
- Get away, pig, get away.

Just take it easy.
Come on, where are you hurt?

Get away from me, pig.
Just get away.

Where are you hurt?

Hey, what's it to you, bud?

'Just lie still
and take it easy.'

Right.

[grunting]

[panting]

You did this to me, bud.

No, you did it
to yourself, man.

Right, right, right,
big cop, right.

Just let go of me.

What are you doing?

Hey, It's something
we're taught.

Well, just let go of me.

Relax. It's comforting.

Come on, it'll keep you
from going into shock.

God! God.

[breathing heavily]

My back's on fire, man.

My back's on fire.

'Man.'

- Man, I hurt, you know.
- You'll be alright.

Easy, easy, now. Come on, buddy.
You've got it.

I mean, I could,
I mean, I could die.

No, hang in there, man.
Just lie still, okay?

- Talk to me.
- Alright, alright.

I didn't wanna
rob that old man back there.

- Well, why'd you do it?
- I needed the bread.

I got kids, you know?

Hadn't worked
in six months, that's why.

Yeah, well, you're gonna do
your kids a lot of good here.

- You know that?
- What?

So, what do
I tell them now, huh?

Why don't you
tell them the truth?

That you shouldn't have
been down at that station.

Why don't you
even tell 'em that..

Why don't you tell 'em
you made a mistake, alright?

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Look, uh,
I'll give 'em a call.

I'll tell 'em, uh, be
at the hospital when you come.

Would you do that for me?

Sure. Hey, I'd do
it for anyone.

Alright.

[sirens wailing]

Hey, bud,
I appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

Different kinda cop,
you know?

Yeah. I like to think I'm not.

Hey. You're gonna be fine,
man, alright?

Yeah. Alright.

[Baker]
'Just hang in there,
old buddy.'

[instrumental music]

- Good morning, sarge.
- Hey..

I thought you
were home recuperating.

I have you down
for a day's sick leave.

I'm okay.
I'm back to duty.

Not without a note
from your doctor, you don't.

You can have it notarized,
if you wish.

Look at the bloom in these
cheeks. That's health.

Yeah.

The briefing's
about to begin.

[chattering]

[male #5]
'Hey, you ever get outta cars,
you can get in motors.'

[chuckles]

Slimy old cars.

[Getraer]
'Okay, listen up, guys.
This is important.'

Uh, that tow-truck
driver hit again.

[Fritz]
'Same MO?'

Yeah, almost,
except this time

the woman was,
uh, not only robbed

but she was roughed up.

'Hospital time.'

'As soon as a disabled
female call goes out'

'get there
as quick as you can.'

And get a vantage point,
lay back and see what turns.

Let's put this creep
outta business.

Okay. Now,
for the good news.

The Rams are gonna
give us a rematch tonight

at 6 o'clock, same place.

- Alright.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Except, this time

Mr. Super Jock
is gonna be with us, right?

That's my boy.

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, let's
do it, huh?

- Come on, Ponch.
- I got it.

Something
still bothers me.

I mean, I know you guys were
in a bind without me there.

[Ponch]
'But they can't be
that quick, that nimble.'

- Forty points?
- You'll see.

That good, huh?

Oh, they are fast.

Remember, they run for a living.
We have to ride.

- Afternoon, boys.
- Hi.

'May I see your
driver's license'

'and registration, please?'

Right away. Uh..

Driver's license.

There you are, and, uh,
what was that other..

- Uh, registration.
- Registration, right.

Uh, there you are.
All legal.

Uh, what seemed to be your rush,
Mr. Sullivan?

Uh, well, surf's up.

[Bobaloo]
'Surf's up. Surf's up.'

Who's the wise guy
in the back?

Uh...nobody.

[Bobaloo]
'Nobody. Nobody.'

Shut up, Bobaloo.

You and your friend
better step out.

Well, now, that ain't
as easy as it sounds, officer.

And why is that?

Well, he don't exactly
take to strangers much.

Yeah, well, we'll try
to be as friendly as possible.

'Now, both of you, step out.'

[clears throat]

You really did
it now, Bobaloo.

[Bobaloo]
'Surf's up.'

[Sullivan]
'Come on up.'

[Bobaloo]
'Surf's up.'

- 'Babaloo.'
- Come on, Bobaloo.

These boys mean business.

- Surf's up. Surf's up.
- This is my day for birds.

Pretty bird. Hello.

- Pretty bird.
- 'That's a pretty bird.'

Pretty bird.

Hello, hello.

Hello.

You owe these
boys an apology.

Apology.

Hey, wait a minute.
Look over there.

[Bobaloo]
'Pretty bird.'

Help has arrived.

Yeah, but he's already
got a car in tow.

Yeah, kinda hinky, huh?

- Better check it out.
- Okay.

Alright, Mr. Sullivan,
next time, you leave

a little earlier,
you won't have to speed.

Uh, hope you catch
a pipeline.

Pipeline. Pipeline.

Ahem. We beat another one,
didn't we?

Another one.
Another one.

[instrumental music]

[female #4]
'Am I glad to see you.'

It must be overheated
or something. I don't--

Step over here.

Just what do
you think you're doing?

[muffled scream]

LA 50 7 Mary 3 and 4

in pursuit of a 211 tow truck

north on the Golden State
approaching Ventura interchange.

[female #1]
'211 tow truck northbound
Golden State'

'approaching
the Ventura interchange.'

He's gonna overshoot
the off-ramp.

We've got him.

[Baker]
'Look out, Ponch.'

Get up here.
Get up here.

Put your right hand on the back
of your head. Resisting arrest.

That should be good
for another year in the slammer.

- Hey, easy, easy, big man.
- No, you're the big man.

Especially when you come up
against helpless women.

Well, they think you're
out there protecting 'em.

Hey, we try, you know.
We really try.

Until some creep
like you comes along

and scares 'em to death.

- Ah, don't take it so personal.
- Hey.

Man, I do take it personal.
You know why?

Because that could be
my mother or my sister--

Hey, okay,
Ponch, alright.

I think Slick
got the message, alright?

[sirens wailing]

Nice day
for a swim, Ponch.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

[Getraer]
'About that uniform damage
you put in for.'

[Baker]
'The guy insisted on dancing
in the mud.'

Hey, that was no cherry patch
out there, sarge.

Yeah, four counts
of robbery.

We did good, huh?

Yeah, you
did good, Ponch.

Now, be just as big
a hero on the court.

[Ponch]
'I'll do my best, sarge.'

[indistinct chatter]

[grunts]

Okay, come on, partner,
let's hit 'em with both barrels.

Come on.

[instrumental music]