CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
All Hollywood Freeway
Units.

7 Mary 3 and 4
now in pursuit.

Southbound at Vermont.

Vehicle is a black '76 Carrera.
One occupant.

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4
still in pursuit.

Approaching four level.

Stay in there, baby.
Don't quit me now.

[♪♪♪]

[SIREN WAILING]

That guy was possessed.



What happened?

I don't know.
One minute, I was this close

to knocking that yo-yo
out of his socks then, poof.

He vanishes.

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3 and 4,
suspect has disappeared.

The pursuit is Code 4.
Notify L.A.P.D.

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
10-4. Attention all units,
7 Mary 3 and 4...

Hey, Ponch.

Forget it.

That really kills my day,
you know?

There's no justice in life, Jon.
Only luck.

If that's the case, you gotta be
the luckiest guy in the world

because that stunt you pulled
back at the four level

you almost closed the book.



Stunt?

It was beautiful.
Come on, admit it.

That fast decel,
that real tight 360

lock to lock.

Complete and total control.

Hey, Jon. You know that stunt,
as you put it?

It was sheer poetry
in motion, old buddy.

You're crazy.
You know that?

I mean, you really are.

You're crazier than
that guy we're chasing.

Oh, yeah, that guy.

Well, If I ever scope
that turkey again

I'm gonna pull him out
through his windwing

seat belt attached.

[WHISTLING]

[LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Jon.

BAKER:
Yeah, nice.

I bet
he's got a Porsche in it.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

MAN:
Here it is again
from Division Auto Theft.

They're working
with all area agencies

to stop that sophisticated
auto-theft ring

that's been operating
for about a week now.

This gang
is very selective.

They go in
for specialty items

such as, uh,
Porsches, Jensens, XKEs

anything that smells money.

OFFICER:
What's a Jensen, sergeant?

GETRAER: Aw, je--
[MEN LAUGHING]

[MEN WHISTLING]

GETRAER:
Down.

Alright. Take it easy.

Here's that updated...

GETRAER:
Alright. Just quiet--

Come on,
give a guy a break, huh?

Okay, um, this is an update
on that sports-car ring

I was talking about.

And these guys
are something else.

Happened again this morning.

This time they hit, uh,
Century City.

Apparently, they got a couple
of clever wrinkles.

One of them
stakes out a garage

spots a car,
and dummies up a parking ticket

which he hands off
to his partner

who turns it in
20 minutes later.

That's very neat.

They also, uh, use some
of the standard tricks.

One of them took a, uh, Jensen
from an outdoor parking lot.

The owner says the car
was locked.

So either they have master keys

or they can make 'em.

The 64,000-dollar
question is, uh

how they're pulling
off this caper

and gettin' that
many cars by us.

Every time this gang strikes

they, uh, hit one area
and take six cars.

It's always six.

And somehow
they just manage to disappear.

Now, that's all
except this morning.

They pressed their luck

and bought
a high-speed pursuit.

That APB you guys
responded to, the Carrera?

Well, that was the sixth car.

But I guess he got away
from you, huh, Frank?

Can, uh, either of you guys
add anything

to the driver's sketch?

No, nothing.

Alright.

From now on, any, uh,
sports-car stops you make

I want you to check the VIN
and the registration.

And be extremely aware
of anything unusual

The driver doesn't fit
the vehicle

uh, broken side window,
punched-out ignition.

Anything like that.

Let's close
these guys down, huh?

Alright. It's all yours.

[CHATTERING]

How's it going, sarge?

I'll let you know after
I talk to your partner.

Hey, Frank,
where you running off to?

I thought I'd try and grab
a quick breakfast.

I think I can
save you the trouble.

The machine's
all outta Ding Dongs.

So, Frank.

How's every little thing?

Anything I should know about,
uh, I don't know about?

It's a nice day.

Yeah.

It was also
a real nice night

for a certain CHP officer

who was dirt-riding his CHP bike
in the Cheviot Hills.

No.

Yes.

I got a call.

Those bikes are not supposed
to be used for play.

That's right.

Now, uh, we don't have any idea
who that could be

do we?

Stands to reason
it wasn't me, sarge.

Frank, you got
two more days of probation.

Don't blow it.

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
Harbor units

there's a spilled load
southbound at Gage.

All lanes are blocked.

Okay,
you guys got it.

Gene, Baricza,
tag along, huh?

Sure.

[♪♪♪]

BAKER:
Hey, how's the shoulder?

You gonna be able
to play tonight?

Hey, that's right.
It's the finals.

Don't worry, I'd play even
if I had a dislocated shoulder.

I'm gonna grab shots

that'll make
Getraer's head spin.

[♪♪♪]

PONCH:
Oh, glue.

Alright, come on.

Here's the biggie:

Who's gonna lead the children
to the promised land?

And who's going over to chew
the fat with Gabby Hayes?

[DISPATCH ON RADIO]

Ugh.

-Howdy.
-Howdy. You okay?

Yeah.
[LAUGHS]

We got ourselves
a real doozy, ain't we?

What happened?
I don't know.

One minute
I was just riding along

nice and easy like
and then whammo.

There's this gal in a El Camino
cut right in front of me.

Well, I, uh--
I throwed on the brakes

and the next thing I know

I am doing a square dance
across the freeway.

[LAUGHING]

Any way
to get this stuff off?

Uh, well, you got me there.

I mean, I just haul it,
you know?

[CHUCKLING]

[DISPATCH ON RADIO]

Okay, hold it up
right there.

Los Angeles 15-7, Mary 4.

We're 10-97
at the tie-up at Gage.

I need Einhorn's diesel rig and
one of L.A.'s biggest tankers.

Come on,
keep it going.

Pull it right on through.
That's it.

BAKER:
That's it. Keep it moving.

Okay, pull 'em up.
Keep going.

That's it.
Move it on through.

Hey. Pull it over.

What's wrong, officer?

Okay, okay. Easy, easy.

I'll be with you in a minute.
Just park it on the shoulder.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Give me a hand
there, Fritz, will ya?

Hey, where you guys been?

How you guys doing?

How you doing?

Boy, this glue's
some mess, isn't it?

EDDIE:
Yeah.

Well, I don't
envy you guys.

What's the problem,
officer?

We couldn't have been speeding.

Oh, no.
The reason I stopped you

is because, uh,
you're leaking oil.

It's kinda dangerous
to the motorists plus, uh,

the kid on the bike.

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
L.A. 341, Adam 795 King,
Edward, Charles.

795 King, Edward, Charles.

Aw, gee.

Can I see your driver's
license, please?

Thank you.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ENGINE REVS]

[ENGINE REVS]

[ENGINE REVS LOUDLY]

[LAUGHING]

[APPLAUSE]

Evel Knievel
been on a bike long?

Hey, it was an accident, right?
It could happen to anybody.

No.

Only to him.

Hey, Your tires
are a little low.

Are you carrying a full load?

No, we're empty.

Well, you better get 'em checked
along with that leak, the oil.

Yeah, we'll do it.

BAKER:
You from Northern California?

That's right.
Isn't that beautiful?

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

My hobby's accents.
San Francisco?

That's right.

[CHUCKLES]

You're gonna become
a legend, Ponch.

Last time I was up there
I stopped to see that cousin

and she'd put on some weight
like you couldn't believe.

What are you doing?

Writing a mechanical cite.

Oh, I see.
I'm out there running around

talking to Tex,
calling for the rigs

and playing court jester
for the fans out there

while you're going through
the family album. Gimme that.

There you go.

Move out.

You okay?

If you only knew how tired
I am of hearing that question.

Yeah, well, maybe you wouldn't
have to hear it so much

if, uh, you knew
when to back off.

Hey, Ponch,
my brother has an expression

"Keep the tack
in the black, baby."

[SIGHS]

As usual,
I shout my mouth off.

I was outta line. Okay?

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

Ah, great.

Getraer's really gonna
bring the hammer down.

Nice.

[♪♪♪]

Now I know why
people are scared of cops.

In lieu of flowers

just ask the boys to make
a generous contribution

to the Widows
and Orphans' Fund, okay?

BAKER:
He's just gonna chew you out.
He's not gonna kill ya.

PONCH:
Oh, yeah? He wants to.

Well, if he does,
I'll book him on a 187.

Sarge, the traffic's
back to normal now.

That glue
was some mess.

But, uh, I think we got it
cleaned off everything.

What is that?

-What?
-That.

GETRAER:
Yeah.

It's a mechanical
I wrote.

Your new filing system, huh?

How you gonna handle this,
sarge? Locally?

Or will it go the scenic route
to Sacramento?

I'm gonna let you
be the judge of that.

Come with me, Frank.

You, too, Jon.

[PHONES RINGING]

Alright, let's, uh

run through our
ritual once again.

Putting aside
our personal relationship

for just a second.

Do you have any problems
with anybody else besides me?

No, just you.

Yeah, well,
what about at home.

You have any
problems at home?

No. Just you.

Would you believe
somebody stole my chair?

Come here, Poncherello.

[GRUNTS]

Now, do you have any
idea what this is?

Take a wild guess.

Huh? This is your jacket.

Now I want you to take
a good, hard look

and you tell me, do you
think there's any room in here

to bury another one
of your accidents?

Four things.

I'm hot. I'm tired. I'm sticky.

And while chasing
that stolen this morning

God almost spoke to me
at the four level.

So if it's all the same to you

let's take a rain check
on the lecture, sarge

'cause right now
I really don't need it.

I don't get it.
I just don't get it.

I mean, your probation
is over on Monday.

I would've thought
you would've been extra careful.

Yeah, you would
think so, wouldn't you?

And it's over on Sunday.

Ah, maybe.

Maybe.

[SIGHS]

Look...

I-- I like to think
that I'm a nice guy.

I know you don't agree
but that's because you fall

on the wrong side
of my desk.

Now maybe that would change

if we could just get
to the root of your problem.

Just what happens
to you out there?

You and Jon
ride three feet apart,

eight hours a day.

You respond
to the same calls.

You stop the same violators.

You get into
the same situations.

Yet any time anything happens

it's always your bike
that comes back here

looking like we oughta
give it a funeral.

Now, just why does
that happen, Frank?

Thanks for taking
a rain check on the lecture.

If that is it,
I'm gonna change

and get to work on that report.

You can leave now, Frank.

Listen, sarge, I don't want this
to sound like a PR job

but I mean, if you'd take
a look at his jacket maybe...

Maybe you'd find some citations
and recommendations.

I mean, the guy's put some
righteous criminals behind bars.

You've had to babysit
him for months now.

What is it? His temper?

No presence of mind?

What?

I don't know.

Sometimes, the guy
overdoes the role.

Sometimes, uh--

Sometimes he doesn't know
when to back off.

Weird things happen.
You gotta be there.

You can't see 'em coming
and once they're there

you can't stop 'em then.

Yeah. Well, maybe
I should've partnered him

with an exorcist.

Hey, sarge.

Sarge, you're not gonna
put him in a car, are ya?

I should put him
behind a desk.

Chuck, how does it look?

Uh, we got
any spare bikes?

You got some sense
of humor, sarge.

Yeah.

PONCH:
Sometimes with all
that happens to me

I wonder if he
really likes me.

BAKER:
Who? Getraer?

No. God.

I know Getraer doesn't like me.

If I was Getraer,
I wouldn't like me either.

How can you say that, Ponch?

Look what
he just did for you.

He forgot the glue mess

and he didn't recommend
extending your probation

and he gave you
his very own bike.

What he gave me
was a lit bomb.

If anything should
happen to this bike

my probation will be
the least of my problems.

Hey, Ponch. I'm gonna
run the plate on this Jag.

Alright, baby.

[SIREN WAILS]

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
California license
Nora 4 Nora 613, no wants.

Uh, 10-4, L.A.

Well, looks like we didn't bust
the car-theft ring.

Oh?

Car's clean.

So's the guy.

[♪♪♪]

[HORN BLARING]

Just hold on.
Help is on its way.

Hit the concrete, creep.
Do it. Now.

You talking to me?

And expedite, L.A.

DISPATCHER: [OVER RADIO]
10-4, 7 Mary 3.

I'm gonna tell you
for the last time.

Hit the concrete.

It's John Wayne.

BIKER:
Okay, okay.

Ponch, go and check out
the girl.

Everything's under control.

Your parents give you
a name, hophead?

Go and take care of the girl.

Where are you hurting?

I'm fine.

[HORN STOPS]

Where's the pain?

I'm alright.

I'm fine.

What's your name?

Carol Rosen.

Carol.

Are your legs pinned, Carol?

Can you move your legs?

I'm okay. I'm fine.

Alright.
Alright, Carol.

Now I want you to put your arms
around my neck, okay?

I'm going to try
and ease you out now.

Alright. Here.

-Here we go.
-Okay, go.

Here we go.

Ohh!

[CRYING]
Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop, it hurts.

Oh, God, they're pinned.

Carol, everything
is gonna be okay.

My legs are pinned down.

Everything's
gonna be okay.

Okay.

No, no, don't shake your head.

Just take a deep breath.

There, see.

Just stay relaxed.

The rescue unit's
already on the way.

And if I know those guys,
they'll probably be here

before I even have time
to get fresh with you.

Yeah, those guys are
always out to spoil my fun.

-Alright.
-Thank you.

There.

Poncher--

Poncherello?

Yeah, Poncherello.

But everybody calls me Ponch.

Well, almost everyone.

There.

Gotta have you looking
okay for company, huh?

Motorcycle cop?

Yep. Been with
California's finest

for the past two years.

Oh, yeah?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You have very soft eyes.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, don't spread
that around, okay?

It's taken me three years to
build a reputation as a killer.

Oh.
[SIRENS BLARING]

Uh, listen.
You better get ready.

Company's here.

Thank you.

Hey.

[♪♪♪]

What a world.

Hey, nice shot,
Ponch.

Yeah, pretty lucky.

GETRAER:
Let me ask you something, Frank.

Do you see alright?

You ever think
you might need glasses?

Huh! You can ask that
after the shots...

[GRUNTS]
...I've been making?

GETRAER:
Ho-ho, 24 hours left
on probation, Frank.

You have got no fear.

PONCH:
It comes from having
job security.

Ah!

[LAUGHING]

[EXHALES]

We wouldn't be having
another one of our little chats

if there wasn't something.
So go ahead, pull the pin.

You know that mechanical cite
you wrote today. Sticky one?

Well, it came back
auto carrier.

[GRUNTING]
But you wrote...box van.

PONCH:
Hang on to your stripes.

It was...a box van.

Auto carrier.

Van.

GETRAER:
Computer says auto carrier.

Run it again.

I did. Auto carrier.

[BAKER CHEERS LOUDLY]

Good game.
Good game.

My man, Fritz, okay.

Listen, you ever hear
of computer error?

Have you ever seen the top
drawer of my filing cabinet?

Okay, alright, uncle.

Maybe I did make a mistake.

There was enough happening.

I'll be a bit more
careful in the future.

Okay, sergeant?

Thank you.

So your daddy's a judge,
huh?

Well, now, that's a coincidence,
'cause I practice law too.

Really?

A lawyer?

You know,
I really dig lawyers.

Say, do you believe
in vibrations?

That some moments
are destined to happen.

Like now moments.

There you are. You know,
I've been out in the garage

looking for you,
talking to the--

As luck would have it,
I met Sherri here.

Sherri Bell,
Jon Baker.

Hi, Jon.
Hi, Sherri. How you doing?

Sherri's a stewardess,
only gonna be around--

Stewardess? That's exciting.
Where you coming from?

Or, uh, where are you going?

Oh, well,
I just got back from London.

It's really a neat town.

And tomorrow,
I'm off to Bali.

I can hardly wait.

Ah, the South Seas.

Ah, that's the life.

Is it true what they say
about the men down there?

What's that?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, when you gonna tell me?

Later.

Uh, look, Jon

Sherri's Bali flight
leaves at midnight.

Listen, since you're only
gonna be in town a few hours

we can have dinner,
take in a show--

Did Ponch tell you the time
that we were out on this tw--

Did Ponch tell you
that, uh

we're California
Highway Patrolmen?

So we were working
on this 23-1-10 one time.

We had the reds on
and everything.

That's when someone
throws projectiles at you.

And we're going
down there with--

Cop.

Nice try.

Hey.

What did I do?

Oh, just stand there
and let me kill you.

Really? What did
I say wrong this time?

Didn't you tell her
we were cops?

Or did you use the ol', uh

"practice the law" line?

[♪♪♪]

Good evening.

May I take your car?

GETRAER:
Fellas, they did it again.

Last night,
six more sports cars

were taken from a party
in Holmby Hills.

The gang
posed as parking attendants.

The real attendants
were later found safe.

But the gang--
There're three of them.

--were armed and are now
considered to be dangerous.

So any sports car stops you make
you think may be dirty

please proceed with
extreme caution.

Uh, you may wanna
consider backup.

Now, guys, this is
in our own backyard.

So, uh,
let's nail 'em, huh?

Okay, it's all yours.

You wanna give me
that plate again?

Boy Henry 4-7-7-2.
It's a Bushkin moving van.

Thanks. All you wanna do
is take a picture of it?

Yep.

I tell you,
I'm wiped out.

I was awake most of the night,
tossing, turning.

Eight more hours.

What do you say

let's just have
a nice, quiet Sunday.

[SIRENS BLARING]

Pull it over there,
would you please?

Cover me, Ponch.

Hi, there.

Listen, uh, do you have any idea
how fast you were going?

I don't know.
I'm only six.

Oh... Heh.

Listen, when you're
coming down that hill, uh

you gotta keep
to the right, okay?

BOY:
Okay.

15-7. Officer Poncherello.
6 Adam, bye.

Ponch here.

You're not gonna believe this.

But your van

Boy Henry 4-7-7-2

just passed me southbound
on the San Diego.

What's your 10-20?

Mulholland.

Bingo. We're at Sunset.
We'll take it.

You remember
what I told you, okay?

Okay.

Hang in there. Bye-bye.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

You want some?

Hey, I'm driving.
You're drinking.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Hey, quick. Dump that.

Come on! I got a Chippy
on my tail. Quick, dump it.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, officer,
what seems to be the problem?

May I see your driver's license,
bill of lading and registration?

Yes, sir.
I have them right here.

Why didn't you stop
when you saw me?

-I know you saw me.
-I thought it was that Caddy.

Didn't you see?
He was doing 75, easy.

Now what's
the problem?

A Milwaukee misdemeanor
for a start.

I can even tell you the brand
if you're interested.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy, is right. We'll
get to that in a minute.

Now step out.

Come here.

You stay here.

I just ran the plate,
and something's screwy.

Getraer's right,
and he's wrong.

Listen, it's all set, all you
have to do is press that button.

Okay.

The plate is registered
to an auto carrier.

Hey, I'm ready.

But do you see an auto carrier?
I don't see any auto carrier.

And now I got the proof.

Yeah, but something's screwy
with this registration, Ponch.

Look here.

I'm gonna make a call.

Hey, how come the plate
on the van

isn't the same one listed
on the registration?

BH4772--
Hey, that's not our plate.

You sure?

I've been driving
this rig for two years.

Our number's RR8481.

L.A. 15, 7 Mary 3. Copy.

Hey, Ponch.

I just had Dispatch
contact Bushkin.

They don't have this plate
registered to any of their vans.

You got something?

Well, it stands to reason,
the guys we stopped yesterday

they must've put their plate
on this van.

I mean, maybe
they switched them

because they're scared
we'd run the plate

and find out
it wasn't registered to a van.

You smell like a brewery.

Hey, what if Getraer is right
for all the wrong reasons.

What if that van we stopped
yesterday was camouflaged?

What if it really was
an auto carrier?

Every time this gang hits,
it takes six sports cars.

Every time, six.

Just what a small car carrier
could hold piggyback.

Yeah, that guy I stopped
yesterday with the low tires

like it had a full load,
he said it was empty.

The oil leak wasn't
from the engine.

It was coming from
the trailer, the rear end.

Hey, I'll put out an APB.

[BEEPING]

DISPATCHER:
Attention, all units.

Stand by for information
on auto-theft ring.

All units, look out
for a white tractor trailer

with the name Bushkin
on the side.

Possible license,
Robert Robert 8481.

Any information,
Division Auto Theft

or this station,
KRB412, clear.

[♪♪♪]

L.A. 15-5 is now in pursuit.
Bushkin van, northbound at 3rd.

DISPATCHER:
Attention Harbor units,
15-5 is now in pursuit.

Bushkin van, northbound at 3rd.

Got a Chippy
on my tail.

We can't outrun them.

Alright,
we gotta lighten our load.

I got an idea.
Take the next off-ramp.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[♪♪♪]

EDDIE:
Still got two motors after us.

JERRY:
They'll have us on the freeway.

Alright,
just get off the freeway,

maybe we can lose 'em downtown.

[SIRENS WAILING]

You know what I'm thinking?

We're on Temple.

Yeah. Beautiful.

Don't hit him.

[♪♪♪]

Do not pass Go.
Do not collect $200.

[LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Six months I've waited
for this moment.

I feel great.

Yeah, I'm happy for ya,
Ponch.

Yeah. Well, he isn't.

You know, we've had
some good times together.

Well, it hasn't been dull,
that's for sure.

Maybe we could partner up
on occasion.

You gotta be kidding.

No, it's simple.
Chances are

if we're together,
I'll stay out of trouble.

If I'm out of trouble,
I won't go back on probation.

And if I'm not--

You won't be riding
with me.

What do you say,
sarge?

Hey, Jon.

I, uh, heard what happened
down at the county jail today.

If you say it fast,
it won't hurt as much.

Oh, give it a rest,
will ya, Frank?

Anyway, the, uh...

[SIGHS]

...captain spoke
to the commissioner, and, uh

there'll be a commendation
for both of you.

They also told me
to tell you that, uh...

he and I are very proud
of what you did today.

I'm coming up at one minute
to six months.

Wanna synchronize watches?

Uh...

Probation's over.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, pull over.

Pull it over.

GETRAER:
Your first day off probation.
Anything happen, Frank?

PONCH:
I wrote seven cites,
went to the court

uh, booked a drunk judge.

And that's it?

And I got a haircut,
see?

And that's it?

Let me try a name
on ya.

Uh, a Mrs. Edna Gellar.
That mean anything?

I knew an Ed Gellar once
in high school.

He still owes me 20 bucks
from prom night.

Oh, that's funny.

I think you'd remember
Mrs. Gellar.

She claims you told her

to drive down
an embankment today.

Hey, I can explain that.
There's no--

I gotta hand it
to you, Frank.

You covered your tracks
like an Apache.

But I did some checking.

You ordered the tow
through a payphone

not from your bike.

Look, Mrs. Gellar
went down the embankment

because she's eight cents
short of a dollar

not because I told her to.

Listen, I believe you,
Frank.

The only trouble is
she's related to Bill Gellar.

Does that name
mean anything?

I'll take a wild guess.
Captain Bill Gellar?

The big muckety-muck
up in Sacramento?

The very same.

Now,
take another wild guess.

I think
I'm gonna be sick.

Would you like
to synchronize watches, Ponch?

[♪♪♪]