CHiPs (1977–1983): Season 1, Episode 17 - Hitch-Hiking Hitch - full transcript

[music continues]

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

Baker.

Good morning.

[horn honking]

Bad day for noise pollution.

[horn honking]

[scoffs]

That's what you see
when you've seen everything.

Hey, the kid's lost control.



Okay, you run interference.

I'll run it,
but I won't believe it.

Okay, this is
your lucky day.

You're not gonna get a ticket.
So you go back to that off-ramp.

Get off the freeway
and stay off, okay?

- Okay.
- You go on.

[dramatic music]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Hey, what's wrong?

The line's broken.
It's jammed.

Okay, move the boom over.

Move it over.



[instrumental music]

You okay?

Just a little shaky.
I am really sorry.

I just bought this thing.

'I had to try it out, so..'

Well, a couple of us figured

the unopened section of
the freeway would be perfect.

Yeah, well, perfect is that
dry lake east of Palm Springs.

Yeah.

Wanna step back here
a moment?

- How you gonna write this up?
- I don't know.

This is my first case
of reckless sailing.

Do you have a law
against exceeding

the limits of stupidity?

I'll see how close
I can come, alright?

[indistinct radio chatter]

[whistles]

[engine revving]

You get the admiral
straightened out?

Uh, I got a hunch,
the next time we stop a guy

sailing down the freeway,
it won't be him.

Listen, don't tell anybody

but that looks like
a lot of fun.

Yeah, that's what
the kamikaze pilot said.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Uh, speaking of suicide..

I'll take it.

Morning, again.

I guess you, uh,
two don't understand

what you're doing
is so risky and dangerous

there's a law against it.

We see other kids
do it all the time.

[scoffs]
Really? That's funny.

You're the first
two I've seen in months.

Well, then, you haven't
been paying attention.

[sighs]

Your parents know
you're doing this?

- Sure.
- Oh, good.

Then they won't be surprised
when they've to come down

and pick you up.

Pick us up? Where?

Our station. You get a ride
in a two-toned sedan

'with a uniformed chauffeur.'

A cop car? You can't do that.

Well, maybe you haven't been
paying attention.

You know something?

You're a creep.

You know something?

You've been pretty
lucky today. Twice.

Now, don't push it.

[instrumental music]

- Sarge, here is our report--
- He's busy, busy, busy.

- Come back later.
- What's this?

That was super, sergeant.

'Very commanding.'

Now, let's try one that shows
the compassionate you.

Compassionate?

Can't you guys see
that I'm busy?

Yeah, well, you told us
to bring in the reports

the second they were finished.

Uh, well, why don't you go

check on your spelling
for ten minutes.

No, no, no, wait
a minute, sergeant.

The reports would make
great props.

'We'll do a shot
with your subordinates'

handing them to you.

Now, over here, fellas.
Right here.

Alright, look,
if-if we're gonna do this

at least shut the door,
huh, Frank?

Quickly, quickly.
Now, get your arm--

What is this all about?

Here. Now, put your arm
right up there.

Nothing that has
to concern you, Jon.

No, up, up.
Hold it.

You should be very proud
of your leader.

'We're doing a profile of him
in the CHP magazine.'

'"Sergeant of the Month."'

Hey, I'm impressed.

Uh, it's not that
big a deal, Frank.

Sergeant Getraer's career
will be an inspiracion

'to every peace officer
in California.'

Okay, so I get
a little write-up.

It's nothing to fuss over.

What do you mean,
nothing to fuss over?

Wait till we tell
the guys in briefing.

No. No, you're not to say
one word about this.

But the guys'll wanna hear.

'No, you're
sworn to secrecy.'

I've seen what
these things can do.

I mean, a man gets
a little publicity

then the swelled head.

'Man loses touch
with his men.'

Well, I'm not going
to let that happen.

Well, then, why don't you just
turn down the article, sarge?

Um, I can't.

Um...captain thinks
it's just a great idea.

[shutter clicks]

Hey, sarge. Frankly I don't
think you have a problem.

Why don't you relax
and enjoy the recognition?

You don't seem to realize
what an insidious thing

a swelled head can be.

'I had a lieut..'

[chuckles]
I had a lieutenant once

who spent two days a week
reading his clippings.

Well, that's not gonna
happen to me.

Isn't his modesty astounding?

We could write the entire
article on his total humility.

You are terrific.

Will you just cut out
saying those nice things.

It, uh, gives me indigestion.

Uh, is that why you don't
say nice things to me?

Uh, now, Frank,
that is a whole another story.

Out.

[shutter clicking]

[clears throat]

'Hold it.'

If you ask me, a swelled head is
the least of Getraer's problems.

[sighs]
Don't tell him I say so

but he really deserves
the honor.

- I just wish he could enjoy it.
- I know.

There should be some way
we can make him see that.

Listen, you check the mail,
I'll gas the motors?

Deal.

[indistinct chatter on radio]

Did you get ahold
of your parents?

Parents are in Europe.

My sister came to pick us up.
She's in there.

Well, how about you?

Mom works.

How about your father?

Uh, never mind, uh, listen,
the important thing is, uh

I'm not gonna see you
hitchhiking again.

No.

No's the right answer.

Don't let him bug you.

He's paid to say
that dumb stuff.

[indistinct chatter on radio]

I hope you realize what
you've just put me through.

We'll never do it again,
Mary Kate.

You don't even have to write
about it to mom and dad.

It's over.

Yeah, well, it better be.
Come on. Let's go.

Oh. I'm sorry.

[chuckles]
Somehow, I thought this
would be the one place

where traffic moved perfectly.

[chuckles]

Hi, ladies. We meet again.

Are you the officer
who arrested them?

No, that was my partner.

I'd like to tell you that
he makes a lot of mistakes

but he doesn't, uh, they were
hitchhiking on the freeway.

Yes.

Do you think I could talk to you
about that for a minute?

- 'Sure.'
- Excuse us, girls.

Um, I'm Jenny's sister,
Mary Kate Simpson.

Mary Kate. I like that.

I bet you were named
after your grandmother

who was also very beautiful.

Well, actually, I was named
after two old maid aunts

who looked like, uh,
linebackers for the rams.

[chuckles]

What can I do for you?

Well, I imagine
that you've seen

a lot of young people
in trouble.

Yeah, quite a few.

Maybe you could help me
with Jenny's problem.

That's not my line of work

but I can get you the names
of some good counselors.

Yes, but you've had experience.

My parents are out
of the country

and all Jenny really needs is

'to hear it from someone
that she can respect.'

'A man, authority.'

She has to hear what?

Well, this Marge is
a bad influence for her.

She's gotta stop
letting Marge lead her

into this kind of trouble.

I don't compute it
that way, Ponch.

I mean, not what I saw.

Jenny's the ringleader
of the two.

Hey, I'm not
arguing with you.

I'm just telling you
what the sister said.

I suppose her sister
is intelligent

understanding and, uh..

...a knockout.

You saw her?

[scoffs]
No, I know you.

Just because she's beautiful,
I don't have to buy her story.

'I just said
I'd listen to it.'

- Yeah, when?
- Tonight.

Over pizza and a movie.

Wait a minute. That's the way
you're gonna handle it?

Hey, can a gentleman refuse
a lady's invitation?

Well, is she picking up
the tab?

No way. I've got my pride
and ethics.

Going Dutch.

[chuckles]

Hey, hold it a minute.

[indistinct chatter on radio]

Have you lost your mind?
That's Getraer's helmet.

I know whose helmet it is.

Ponch, why are you
making it bigger?

I'm not.

I'm making Getraer's head
smaller.

You heard the sarge.

He can't enjoy a little
honest glory.

That's a terrible sickness.

Just as bad as getting
swell-headed.

Truth is, Jon..

...you get too modest

and your head shrinks.

Well, does Getraer know that?

He will...when
I get through with him.

[instrumental music]

[horn honking]

Look. Here's
the highway patrol.

You'll save yourself some
trouble if you come out.

Please, dad. You don't
wanna get arrested.

Yeah, you could be hurt
if that house collapses.

I wouldn't come out
if you called the marines.

Moving a house at this time
of the day?

What do we ask him for,
his driver's license..

...or his termite report?

Hey, what's the problem?

Orneriness.
Sheer orneriness.

Right.
Your orneriness.

If you'd have started when
you were supposed to

and gotten it out of here, none
of this would have happened.

In the first place,
my truck broke down.

'In the second place,
them heavy rains'

'last night loosened
some pylons.'

If I so much as touch that,
it'd probably collapse.

And in the third place,
I ain't about to move a house

when somebody's in it
in the first place.

Who's in the house?

My father.

Well, what's he doing in there?

He's protesting.

You see, he doesn't
wanna leave his old room.

I didn't know
he was in there.

I-I thought he was
at the retirement villa.

[Martin]
'If he'd just be reasonable
for five seconds'

he'd see it was impossible.

I mean, anyway,
he-he-he'd be happier

with people his own age,
you know?

He says we're plotting
against him.

'That it wasn't the new freeway'

'that forced us
to move the house.'

He says that we're trying
to get rid of him.

If that stubborn old coot
was my father

I'd move the whole town
to get rid of him.

You don't seem to realize

that this is a very upsetting
experience for him.

How would you feel if the garden
you tended for over 70 years

suddenly disappeared
and-and became an off-ramp.

Eloise. Now you're starting
to indulge him again.

I mean, we all, we all have
to make adjustments, right?

Has anybody tried to go in there
and reason with him?

[scoffs]
I did. He threw a chair at me.

Listen, we'd better try.

[instrumental music]

This is the highway patrol, sir.
You'll have to come out.

You're trespassing
on a man's home.

Go ride your motorcycles.

Sir, uh, this is
our last warning.

Now, would you unlock the door?

'This is a lawful order.'

This is my room.
Don't tell me what to do.

And I just polished my boots.

You got no respect
for a man's privacy.

I'd deck both of you
if I was your age.

Sorry, sir. You didn't
give us any choice.

Choice?
You think I had any choice?

We're hauling your house away.

Go live with some crotchety
old discards.

Well, I'm not going to do it.

We can appreciate
how you feel, sir.

'Oh, you can, huh?'

So that's why
you broke my door.

What's next? My arm? My leg?

[scoffs]

We're not here to hurt you, sir.

We just want you out
of the house, so we can move it.

Sir, now, wait a minute.
Let's be practical, okay?

Now, that retirement home
that they moved you into

probably isn't your
favorite place

but it's gotta be better
than a jail cell.

Not in my book.

[sighs]
Alright, how about this.

If you stay up here,
you're gonna get

awful hungry and thirsty.

Man my age drinks like a camel,
eats like a bird.

[chuckles]

Maybe so, but you can't
hold out forever, you know.

I can hold off till
that daughter of mine

faces up to my stubborn
son-in-law and meets my terms.

You got terms?

- Now, we're getting someplace?
- Yeah, what are they?

Well, term number one,
no retirement villa.

'Term number two'

when they put this house down
on a new lot

I'm gonna be in it.

Okay, I'll talk to your daughter
and I'll see what I can do.

'Wait a minute.'

You haven't heard
term number three.

Sir, it's gonna be
hard enough as it is, huh?

You just tell, terms number one
and two also include Leroy.

You tell her that.

Leroy.

- Leroy.
- Leroy.

Leroy?

Never.

Absolutely impossible.

Well, in that case I guess we'll
have to remove him bodily.

Bodily?

'You know, your father's liable
to put up a fight.'

And after a week
or so in the hospital

I've to have him
transferred to jail.

Martin, we can't
have him hurt.

Yeah, uh-uh, we can't
have him hurt.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh. Too much is too much.

Okay, if that's your decision.

What's the verdict?

Okay, here it is.

No retirement home, but you can
stay in your old room.

Alright.

And Leroy?

Mm-mm.

Sorry, sir. No dice.

Then I'm staying right here.

Go ahead, shoot me.

Dad, it's alright.
We want you.

And you can tell Leroy
he's welcome.

- Eloise?
- Oh, shut up, Martin.

We won! We won!

Hurray! Ha ha!

Oh, we won. Leroy!

You hear that? We won.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

[barks]

[barking]

[whistles]

As soon as I set us
on our new foundation

Leroy and I want you boys
to come by and visit us.

You're real old-fashioned
gentlemen.

Yes, sir.
We're more than happy to.

Listen, uh, you play checkers?

Forget that. Bring girls.

[laughing]

Hey, best of luck
to all of you, okay?

- Luck? What's that?
- See you.

- Alright.
- Bye.

Come on, Leroy.
Say goodbye, Leroy.

- Yes, sir.
- Goodbye.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[intense music]

[horn honking]

[tires screeching]

[honking horn]

He's got a big case
of the hurries.

We better pull him over
before he gets down the hill

and hits that construction site.

[sirens blaring]

[honking horn]

[tires screeching]

I lost my brakes!

His brakes are gone.

Didn't we just see Baricza
giving a citation?

About two minutes ago.

Okay, you go ahead
and clear the way.

We got one risky shot,
but we gotta try it.

[siren blaring]

7 David, 7 Mary 3. Uh, request
assistance on runaway truck

'coming down the hill
behind you.'

7 Mary 3. This is 7 David.
You want a lane cleared?

Negative. I want your brakes.
How are they?

New linings last week.
What are you getting at?

Okay. We're gonna use you
to stop the runaway.

Get in front of him,
kiss bumpers

and slow him to a stop.

[Barry]
'You can't mean that.'

Can you come up with a better
idea? You got two seconds.

[siren blaring]

[intense music]

Ponch, give us some room.

[music continues]

Okay, I'm gonna guide him
into your front bumper!

We'll use his brakes
to stop you, got it?

Good.

What's your truck's speed?

Sixty eight.

Okay, Bar. Truck's speed's 68.
Ease into it now.

I'll need eyes
in the back of my head, Jon.

I'll be your eyes.

[music continues]

Okay, you got 10 feet,
closing.

Ten feet easy.

Okay, hold it straight
and get against the line.

Okay, two feet.
Easy. You're almost there.

[thud]

Okay, brake!

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

Stop that thing.
We got people up here.

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

Hey, Bar. Are you okay?
Fantastic.

- Come on, hey.
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

But, uh..

If I'd had three seconds
to make up my mind..

I never would have done it.

- Ah.
- Ha ha!

Is that a way to talk?
You? Driver of the Year?

He's no driver. He's just
world champion of stop.

- Hey.
- Thank you. Thank you.

You betcha.

- Oh.
- He's the man, right there.

Anytime.

[instrumental music]

[jazz music]

So your partner thinks

that Jenny is
the ringleader so to speak.

I don't believe that.

That's the way
it looked to Jon.

Jenny never did anything
like hitchhiking

until she started
running around with Marge.

Okay. You live with
your sister.

Jon just saw her
for a few minutes.

But I figured you'd like
to know how it looked to him.

But it doesn't make sense.

Now, you saw our home.

Jenny has all the advantages.

She has a mom and a dad
that love her.

'She has me.'

Marge doesn't even
remember her father.

She hardly ever sees her mother.

'Listen,
funny things happen.'

I grew up in the worst
part of town.

And I spend my days
giving righteous tickets

to the lawbreakers
of Beverly Hills.

Well, maybe you identify
with Marge.

That puts you on her side.

Hey, slow down.
I'm not taking sides.

I'm just telling you
what Jon thought he saw.

Well, I think Jon would
have thought differently

if he were with Jenny and
I today when I talked to her.

'Because she admitted
that Marge pushed her into it'

and she promised
never to see her again.

And you believed her?

Of course I do.

I think the problem is over.

Let's hope you're right.

Listen, just because
you won't be seeing Jenny

in your work anymore..

...doesn't mean
you have to stop seeing me.

The way I figure it is

there's work and there's play.

Good.

Um, your share is
seven bucks.

[chuckling]
No. No.

Oh, you rat.

[horns honking]

You really think
we should, Jenny?

Can I give you girls a lift?

Hi.

- How far are you going?
- A couple blocks.

Okay.

[instrumental music]

[thunder rumbling]

So I said, if braggers
get a big head

it's only logical that humble
people get brain shrinkage.

[laughing]
He actually believed it?

About 50 percent.

His eyes got that defensive look

like when, uh, you've read
the regulations and he hasn't.

Yeah, you think maybe we're
going too far with this?

Why, all we want is for
the sarge to come to briefing

so we can give him a big hand

for getting written up
in a magazine.

Yeah.

Hey, you know,
it's really coming down.

You think we ought to
move the motors?

Where are we gonna
move 'em to?

You wanna do something
tonight?

No. Sorry. I got another
outing with Mary Kate.

Well, we can double.
I'll call Jo Anne.

Might be easier if we didn't.

You're not exactly
Mary Kate's favorite person.

She thinks you made a big
mistake about her little sister.

What can I do? I just
call it like I see it.

You can spend the evening
alone with Jo Anne.

Oh.

[whistling]

What's up, sarge?

Come here.

Come on.

[sighs]
Now, tell me.

How come you guys parked up
here and not in the street?

Hey, sarge, I didn't park there.

I parked where that truck is.

Well, tell me, Frank, if you
parked where the truck is

why is the truck there
and your bikes are here?

Hey, sarge,
that's a good question

but, uh, we can't answer it.

Look...if you parked
your bikes on the sidewalk

the public is gonna think
it can just park their cars

any old place.

For example.

You got that Volkswagen
out in the street.

Hey, sarge, that Volkswagen..

...was parked beside my bike.

Come on,
what kind of funny relish

have you guys been putting
on your hamburgers?

Wait a minute, sarge,
he's right.

That Volkswagen was right there.

I suppose all the vehicles
on this block

have been playing leapfrog.

Howdy? Nice day.

Um..

Wait a minute.

What's wrong, friend?

Uh, let me ask you
a question.

Uh...did you put that, uh,
Volkswagen in the street

and those, uh, bikes
up on the sidewalk?

Suppose I did.

Well, I want to apologize
to my buddies..

...and give you a ticket.

A ticket! Why you--

Watch it!

I'm sorry.

Not as sorry
as you would have been.

Want me to put them back
where I found them?

Yeah. While I give you
a ticket.

Neatness counts.

Sarge, that was
terrific.

Yeah, well, uh..

you have to...remember
your training.

Careful, sarge.
You're...being humble.

Alright. I...I stood up
to him pretty good.

There...make you happy?

Yeah, sarge.
But keep practicing.

Someplace between yours
and mine is the perfect head.

[instrumental music]

Uh, look, maybe you guys ought
to get back to central, uh

while this, uh, weather clears.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Creep. I wouldn't ride
with you anyway.

Jenny, let's go home.

Don't be such a spoilsport.
We just started.

Next one's a ride.

Didn't I tell you?

- How far?
- Santa Monica?

Hop in.

I'll take the window.

- I don't like him.
- You ninny. Go on.

I changed my mind.
Go ahead.

- Jenny.
- Go on.

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

Oh! Oh, no!

[Marge screaming]

Hi, Jenny.
You hitchhiking again?

I'm just walking to the store.

Where's Marge?

Jenny, where's Marge?

They took her in that van.
She was screaming.

[engine revving]

7 David, 7 Mary 3, request,
uh, transportation assistance

southbound Sequoia on-ramp.

[instrumental music]

Hey. Stay!
We got a cop after us.

It's a setup.

Well...they'll have
to catch us first

before it'll do him any good.

Maybe I can lose him
at the next off-ramp.

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

7 Mary 3, 7 Mary 4.

'Pursuit is leaving the freeway,
north on San Antonio.'

10-4, Ponch.
Come across, uh, on Julian.

[tires screeching]

[sirens blaring]

Hey, if you can't
shake 'em, man, stop.

You're making it worse.

- Hey.
- Hey. The wheel's locked.

Alright, get out
of the vehicle.

Let's move.

Get over there.

We didn't touch her, man.

She tried to kill us.

You, out. Right here.

Turn around and put
your hands on your head.

Man, that chick's a nut, man.
We didn't do anything.

But you gave her a ride,
didn't you?

Yeah.

Right.

You got 'em, Baker.

You alright?

[sobbing]
It was terrible.

He grabbed me from behind.

I didn't know
what he was gonna do.

He could have
done anything.

Why did you go alone
without Jenny?

It wasn't her idea, man.
The other chick told her to.

You're no friend.

Don't you ever talk
to me again, ever.

[instrumental music]

- Hey.
- Hey, sarge!

[applause]

- Come on, guys, that's my man.
- Yeah.

Alright, alright.
That's enough.

Okay, uh...down to business,
uh..

'first thing, a note
from the weather bureau.'

It'll be raining
on and off today

so you guys on motors, if it
gets too wet, bring them in.

The rest of you guys, uh,
be careful, huh?

What do you mean Mary Kate
stood you up?

Not permanent.
Just for tonight.

Her parents are
flying home from Europe.

- Big family conference.
- Well, that's good.

I told her I'd work
something out

when we are available
to double-date.

[chuckles]
I'll go for it.

Uh, Jon, Frank.

Could I see you
a minute, please?

[indistinct chatter on radio]

[Frank]
'Now what, sarge?'

Yeah, what's the problem?

No problem.
Au contraire.

We need one more picture

to go with the magazine story
about Sergeant Getraer

and he insisted
that you be included.

- Hey, terrific.
- Yeah, that's an honor, sarge.

Hey, look. It's nothing
you guys don't deserve.

Well, uh, where do
you want us?

Uh, how about with
our, uh, helmets on, huh?

Why not helmets on?
You look so great in uniform.

[chuckles]

Sarge, you're really taking this
publicity thing in stride now.

Yeah, I'm, uh, glad you
got over that humble attack.

Now, you can really enjoy it.

Yeah, I enjoy it, alright.

'Oh, I really enjoy it.'

[shutter clicks]

[theme music]

[music continues]