Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - The Good Ones - full transcript
Amy returns from maternity leave; Jake and Rosa work a difficult case.
Hey, you guys
got a sec?
I need to talk to you
about something.
Whatever it is
can wait, Rosie.
You're gonna want
to see this.
Question, what is the number
one problem with the coronavirus?
Mass death,
economic collapse,
the way the disease has
exposed the systemic injustice
at the core
of American life.
Well, yes, obviously those,
but after that,
it's how to high-five
your friends
while staying
six feet apart.
But now the world
can stop their worrying
because we have created
the COVID five.
With this machine,
you can execute
any high five
your heart desires.
There's the classic.
Slip me some skin.
(CHUCKLING)
Sprinkle me.
Sprinkle me. Sprinkle.
Sprinkle me.
Sprinkle.
The Vulcan scissor.
That's a bad one.
BOYLE: Yeah.
PERALTA: And of course,
the need for speed.
BOTH: Whoo!
Wow. That was
impressively stupid.
PERALTA: I know, right?
So what was it
you wanted to tell me?
Just wanted
to say goodbye.
I turned in my resignation.
I quit the force.
What?
(GRUNTS)
Ow!
(SCREAMS)
(ALARM BLARING)
Dude,
that was by far the best five.
You're quitting?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
HOLT: To Sergeant
Santiago.
You were on maternity
leave longer than expected
because of
the pandemic,
but now that all
first responders
have been vaccinated,
you've returned.
Cheers.
ALL: Cheers.
Not exactly an emotional
welcome back.
Are you crying?
Oh, he just always knows
exactly what to say.
She's consistent.
So, guys, tell me everything
that happened while I was gone.
Well, as you know,
Hitchcock retired
the very first
second he could.
That's right. I couldn't
wait to get out of there.
Why are you always
with us on FaceTime?
Because
I miss Scully.
He's more present
than when he worked here.
It's been a terrible year.
BOYLE: True.
But you know
what was rougher?
The hundreds of years
of oppression
experienced by Black
people in this country,
oppression they still
experience to this day.
Why does Charles
sound like a podcast?
Oh,
because I'm listening to one right now.
It's called
Two Wrongs Makes a White,
Lessons in Anti-Racism.
Yeah, you're lucky you
weren't here on Juneteenth.
What the hell?
He went full Schumer.
Cultural
appropriation, Amy.
She'll figure it out.
You're the one who did it!
Mmm-hmm. SANTIAGO:
So where's Rosa?
Thought she'd be
here by now.
I'm telling you,
she's not coming.
Ever since
she quit the force,
she thinks we're just
part of the problem.
HOLT: Oh, she never
said that.
She quit after George
Floyd was killed
because she thought
that she could do more good
by becoming
a PI that helps
victims of
police brutality.
That has nothing
to do with us.
Then how come
we haven't hung out
at all since
she quit?
Setting up a new
business takes time.
She's probably too
busy to see friends.
And yet I have time
to see my friends,
and be a father,
and do my job,
and straight-up
crush it
at Goat Simulator
on my Switch.
That's not something
to be proud of.
Being a father is not
something to be proud of, Ames?
Wow. You've
changed, dude.
Look, all I'm saying is,
I promise you
she is not gonna
show up tonight.
And if she does,
I'll give each of you $1,000 cash.
That's a promise.
Hey, everybody.
Jake's word is not
legally binding.
Any promise of cash reward is,
of course,
understood as hyperbole.
Rosa! I knew
you'd make it.
'Sup, my guy?
What?
Sorry. It's been
a while.
I forgot how we used
to greet each other.
Anyway, how's the cool
new PI gig going?
Eh, it's not that cool.
I have a desk at a WeWork
that I share
with a Twitter comedian.
Oh,
fun. But I'm getting more clients.
I just got a new job
this morning.
A woman was assaulted by two
police officers in the Seven-Four.
Oh. Well,
that's horrible.
Wait, the Seven-Four.
I know the captain there.
She was my sergeant before
I transferred to the Nine-Nine.
I could talk to her.
She can help.
Nah, I doubt that.
You know, the system
can still work sometimes
when good people
are involved.
Is that why
you want to help,
so you can make some point
about policing?
No. I'm not some point maker,
shot taker,
making girls hot like
oats by Quaker.
Hey, man, you're rapping. Yeah,
I had to see where it was going.
Look, I just want
to help out.
Plus, it might be fun to work
together again. I miss seeing you.
Hmm. Okay.
I'm meeting my client
tomorrow. I'll text you the details.
Yes. Jake and Rosa
are back!
You okay?
Your leg shake is rattling
the windows out there.
I'm stressed.
It's Captain Holt.
You won't believe
what he said to me.
Hello, Santiago.
How's your lunch?
Pretty bad, right?
That he politely asked you
about your lunch?
It was small talk.
Captain Holt
always says
that true friends
sit in silence.
Small talk is for...
BOTH: Strangers and conmen.
So I'm a stranger now.
This is my big fear
about having a child,
losing my spark
with my boss.
Amy, he's your captain.
You act like it's some
romantic relationship.
You know what, Terry?
You're right.
It is like
a romantic relationship.
That's what you got
from what I said?
Do you still have
that relationship book
from when you and Sharon
were having issues?
That book was about sex.
And it's actually Scully's.
But I bet Scully also ordered
some relationship books
when Scully got himself
that sex book for Scully.
Just own the sex
book thing.
You want
my help or not?
Fine. Can you please get
Scully's relationship book
that is obviously
not yours?
Weird that you're asking me to do it,
but okay.
I'll see what I can do.
Hey, my client's
in the conference room,
but before
we go in there,
it wasn't easy getting her
to agree to talk with a cop,
so don't be too
cop-ish. Just be normal.
Got it, normal,
not too cop-ish.
Won't be a problem.
(IMITATES MRS. DOUBTFIRE) Hello!
Yeah, this is not
gonna work.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Sorry.
You just gave me too many notes.
I got in my head. Let me start over,
please.
Ms. Fulton, hello.
I'm Detective Peralta.
I know you're nervous
about talking to a cop,
which I totally get,
but rest assured,
I'm one
of the good ones.
And I know
how that sounds,
but I'm not one of
the bad ones who says
they're one
of the good ones.
I'm actually
one of the good ones
who says they're one
of the good ones.
And I know
how that sounds...
Does he just keep going until
someone stops him?
BOTH: Yes.
Would you mind telling us what happened,
from the beginning?
Sure. I was walking home
from the pharmacy
when two uniformed
cops stopped me
and asked me
what was in my bag.
I said,
"Nothing. Just some personal items."
But then they kept
bothering me, saying,
well, if it's nothing, I should have
no problem with showing them.
But in my mind
I'm like,
"Why do I need to show
them my new loofah?"
You don't.
It's your loofah.
Thank you, Ms. Diaz.
It is my loofah.
Anyways, I said
I wanted to go home,
so I tried to walk past them,
and they grabbed me.
Suddenly, I'm thrown
on the ground,
and they're yelling at me
to stop resisting,
which I wasn't.
I was just scared.
Then they threw me up
against the squad car,
saying they was arresting
me for assaulting them.
I'm the one who got
the black eye
and bruises
all over my body,
but somehow
I assaulted them?
Do you remember
what time of day it was?
5:45, 6:00.
So right at the end
of a shift.
Which means?
DIAZ: Some officers like to make arrests
at the end of their shift so they
can work later and get extra overtime.
That is so wrong.
PERALTA: It is.
But I promise you,
we are gonna get you justice.
Yeah, we'll see.
Hey, did you
find the book?
Scully's book.
Wow. Someone's
in a mood.
I went to my barbershop to get a
quick cleanup, and Boyle was there.
Yeah, got a low-drop fade
with a crisp lining.
I'm all about supporting
Black businesses.
Right.
BOYLE: Oh.
Are you upset about something,
Lieutenant?
It's just that the
barbershop is my therapy.
Mmm. It's where I
go to clear my mind,
and that's hard to do
with you there.
Mmm.
Stop mmm-ing me!
It's my listening noise.
Listening doesn't
require noise!
So I reviewed
the Aisha Fulton case,
and it is definitely
problematic.
The arresting officers have
had several complaints before.
And their version of events
is only two sentences long.
"Suspect had
suspicious item. Scary."
It's clearly bogus,
but an officer did break
one of his fingers.
Probably from tackling
her to the ground.
Yeah, or from pointing it so
hard at everyone but himself.
(SIGHS)
Who are you performing
this for, Jake?
Both of you guys.
Look, I want to help,
but the problem is,
we have no proof
of what really happened.
Let me guess,
their body cam footage
was mysteriously
corrupted.
Yeah, they probably
tampered with it,
but between us,
there was a rookie there, Janice Lee.
If you can get her to
confirm your client's story,
I can help you.
Here's her address.
Great.
See, Rosa,
this couldn't be any easier.
O'SULLIVAN: Frank O'Sullivan,
head of the Patrolmen's Union,
and there is no way
on God's green earth
that you're
ever talking
to anyone involved
in this case.
I mean,
I guess it could be a little easier.
DIAZ: Why are you here,
O'Sullivan?
Officer Lee called me,
and I'm here to stop
your heartless crusade
against our
heroes in blue,
but to be clear,
all I want is to keep our city safe
and then to go home
to my ma at night.
You live with
your mom?
My ma lives with me...
...in her house.
Do you have something
against my ma?
Because I'll be
honest with you,
there's only three things
that I love in this whole world,
my ma, the NYPD,
and Billy Joel.
And right now,
you're assaulting
two of those
three things.
Wow. So Billy Joel
made your top three?
And now you've assaulted
all three.
Can we please just
talk to Officer Lee?
Look, these are nice boys
that you're going after.
All the perp had to do was
show them what was in the bag,
but no, no, she had
to escalate things.
A finger was broken.
Do you understand that if
anyone else was being treated
the way our brave
officers are being treated,
there'd be marching
in the street,
which I would oppose,
by the way,
because marching leads
to rioting,
and rioting
leads to looting.
Okay, this doesn't seem
like it's gonna be a short rant.
Yeah, we're gonna
head out.
Hello, Captain.
It's so good
to see you.
So, so good.
What's with the
bizarre eye contact
and the weird way you're talking,
Santiago?
Did you join a cult?
What? No.
Are you sure?
Most cult members don't
realize they're part of a cult.
I'm not in a cult.
I was trying
to connect with you.
It's a method
from this book.
Oh, is that one of
Terry's sex books?
You mean one of
Scully's sex books.
Ever since
I came back,
you've been
acting distant.
What happened to Raymy? Raymy?
Ray and Amy, Raymy.
It's what people call us.
I don't know a single person
who's ever called us that.
Regardless, something
is very wrong between us.
You made small talk
with me yesterday.
Oh, you noticed that.
Of course I did!
It was like
a knife to my heart,
which is why we have to
do the exercises in this book.
Please, sir? Please?
If I agree,
will you go back to work?
Absolutely.
Fine. What's
the next exercise?
It is...
...way too sexual.
Wow.
We're gonna have
to skip around a bit
to make this
appropriate for work.
Something seemed off
to me in O'Sullivan's rant.
How red he got?
Yeah, he looked like a candied
apple with a widow's peak.
No,
he said all the perp needed to do
was show them
what was in her bag,
but that wasn't
in the police report
and Lamazar didn't know that,
so how did he?
I think O'Sullivan watched
the body cam recording
before it was
corrupted,
which means he might
have the original footage,
which means
if we want proof,
we need to break into
the union and get it.
That's a lot of ifs.
And besides, we can't
break into the union.
They'd recognize us.
No way.
Just put on a big dumb watch,
some Oakleys,
and a camo baseball
cap. You'll fit right in.
Okay, look,
as much as I would love
to take on the character
of Mitchell Keith Erickson
from Toms River,
New Jersey, I can't do it.
Why not?
You already named him.
He named himself!
But I don't have a warrant, and you could
be arrested for breaking and entering.
No, I think we should
knock on doors
and try and find a witness to corroborate
the story. You sure about that?
Have you talked to the
people of New York lately?
Yes, I know
what you think.
And obviously
things are a bit tense,
but I believe that people
still understand
that we're here to help.
Nope.
Yeah, I saw something.
It looked
kind of like this.
I don't talk to pigs.
Copy that.
JEFFORDS:
Hey, Charles.
I just got a random
Venmo payment from you.
Was this an accident?
BOYLE: No.
It was the only way I could
express how sorry I am
for what you've had
to go through.
Consider it a mini
reparation. Mini?
I wouldn't say
$10,000 is mini.
$10,000!
Yeah, when I saw
that you sent it,
I was like, this must
have been an accident,
like you meant
to send $100
and then thought you
needed to add the cents, too,
and then accidentally
added two zeros.
That's a pretty good guess as to
what could have happened, but didn't.
Because I meant
every last zero.
I'm sure you did.
Thanks, Charles.
BOYLE: You got it.
Wow, Charles,
that was so nice of you.
It was obviously
a mistake, Scully!
How many more of these
are we gonna do
till you realize
it's pointless?
Well, I don't think
it's pointless.
That's what I've been
trying to prove to you.
Wait, I thought you said you
weren't trying to prove a point.
Well, yeah, but I mean,
I kind of had to say that
so you'd let me work with
you and I could make my point.
See,
this is why we don't hang out anymore,
because you're always
so defensive.
Well, it's kind of hard
not to be
when you think
I'm a bad person now.
I never said that.
You didn't have to.
Rosa, we came up together.
We went to the academy
together.
We've had the exact
same career.
All we ever wanted
was to be detectives.
And yes, we've always known
there were problems,
but we would solve them
together from the inside.
So when you quit,
yeah, it made me feel
like you thought
I was wrong for staying.
Jake, my choice has
nothing to do with you.
It was the hardest
thing I've ever done.
I gave up my career,
my friends, my whole life,
but I did it
because I couldn't ignore
what I was a part of anymore,
couldn't ignore what the police
are doing in my community
to people
who look like me.
I know, but not
all of them, not me.
This isn't about you!
And this case,
where a Black woman
was assaulted
by the police,
has nothing to do
with you either.
So if you're
not here to help,
if you're just here
to prove a point, then,
man, I don't think we should
work together anymore.
And I definitely don't
think we're friends.
Scully, I need your help, but you
can't tell anybody what I'm up to.
Oh, not a problem. I don't
talk to anyone but Hitchcock.
And nobody where I am
even speaks English.
Where are you?
Brazil, baby!
I got conned
by a cam girl,
but it turns out,
I love it here.
Okay, look, you two
are always complaining
about work regulations,
so I'm guessing
you know your way
around the Patrolmen's Union.
I need your help to break in.
SCULLY: You bet.
Those bastards are everything
that's wrong with policing.
HITCHCOCK: Their dress
policy's insane.
You have to wear
a shirt at all times.
Yuck! Just tell me
how I can get
to O'Sullivan's office undetected.
SCULLY: No problem.
He goes to lunch at 12:30,
so that's your window.
At 12:45,
the mail is delivered.
The guard at the desk always
flirts with the mail woman,
so he'll be distracted.
Then go down the main hall.
This is important.
It's your last bathroom stop
on the whole floor.
It's unisex and handicap,
so you get that bad boy
all to yourself.
Tell her
about toilet paper.
Stop talking
about bathrooms.
Fine. Pee your pants.
What do I care?
Go to the last office on the right,
and you're there.
Well, that background
is on brand.
Yeah, Ma!
I got the tickets!
What do think? Front row,
Ma, Billy Joel.
You, me, and the poet
of Long Island.
Huh? No, I know.
So it says to participate
in a new hobby
your partner has
expressed interest in.
Have you gotten into
anything new lately?
I started performing
daily checks
of my blood-oxygen level
during COVID
because I feared
for my life.
Ooh!
(DEVICE BEEPS)
Ninety-eight.
Ninety-eight.
We did it. We're back
to being Raymond-Amy.
It's Raymy.
And you can't measure our
connection by blood levels.
Let's do
another exercise.
Regulations.
Regulations.
Regulations.
Regulations.
How much longer
do we have to do this?
It was supposed to be
a meaningful word
to both of us,
but clearly that wasn't it.
Okay,
now we're supposed to tell each other
a secret no one
else knows.
I'll go first.
I once had a sex dream
about Sanjay Gupta.
This is absurd.
I know.
And it was really graphic.
No, these exercises.
We're not lovers.
We're not even friends.
We're co-workers.
I'm tired of Terry's
stupid book.
Scully's book!
O'SULLIVAN:
I beg your pardon?
Did you just say
you want to bring Gary?
MAN: I need to speak with
my union president immediately!
Ma, I gotta call you
right back. Okay.
Could I help
you out, sir?
I certainly
hope so, sir.
My name is
Mitchell Keith Erickson,
and I've just been assaulted
based solely on profession.
Oh, damn it
to hell, son.
Tell me what happened.
All right.
So I go to this phone store,
right, to get my screen fixed.
And they say, "Yeah,
no problem, 45 minutes."
So I wait, and I wait.
Fifty minutes go by!
Nobody helped me.
O'SULLIVAN: It's despicable.
PERALTA: So I go back
into the back room
to complain,
and they're all
just sitting around
trash-talking
Billy Joel!
What?
They said Piano Man
is his only good tune!
Well, now,
that's just insanity.
Uh, hey, Terry.
Um, I have
to come clean,
and please don't say
anything until I'm done,
not that I'm trying
to silence you.
I am listening.
Just say it!
The $10,000 was
supposed to be $100.
And I was too embarrassed
to ask for it back.
Boyle, I need
to come clean, too.
I knew you made a mistake.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
I was just messing
with you. You were?
Obviously!
Okay.
Look, Boyle, it's great that
you're trying to do better,
but the way you're doing
it is kind of messed up.
If you want to do something
about these issues,
you have to do it because
you think it's the right thing,
not because you want me
to know about it.
That just makes stuff
weird between us.
You're right.
You're right. I won't
be as performative.
(CELL PHONE WHOOSHES)
I just donated
to a great charity,
but I won't tell you
which one or how much.
Good for you.
For Black transwomen.
It was $1,000.
Dear Lord. I got out of
there 45 minutes ago.
Why were you
in there so long?
O'Sullivan
wouldn't let me leave
until he had
explained to me
why reverse racism
was worse than,
as he called it,
classic racism.
How'd you know
I'd be here?
I bumped into Scully,
and he told me everything.
He was really worried you
weren't gonna take his toilet advice.
Well, thanks for
saving me in there.
Yeah, of course. You know
I've always got your back.
And I'm not trying to make
a point. I'm just here to help.
Well, you did,
'cause I got the footage.
Oh, I'm gonna have
to delete this.
(LAUGHS)
Yeah.
Oh, wait,
you're not joking.
(GASPS) Oh, no.
You're a villain!
Why'd you
delete it?
You said you'd help us
if we got proof.
Yeah, but I didn't think
you'd get proof, get proof.
I thought you'd just,
you know, get proof.
There's proof
and there's proof.
You got the wrong
kind of proof.
I don't know how
much clearer I can be.
So you were never
gonna help us?
I am helping you!
I can still get the charges
against your client dropped.
Now that I saw
that footage,
I'll get my officers
to revise their statements.
And they'll be
punished?
No, there's no way
I can suspend them.
Suspend? I thought
you would fire them.
(SNICKERS)
Oh, you're being
serious now.
Huh, I guess jokes
aren't our thing.
Well, if I fired them,
it would trigger
the union's appeal process.
PBA's grievance
proceedings allow
for both unions
and individual officers
to challenge personnel
actions by superiors.
The complaint gets sent
up the chain of command
till they get someone
who sides with the officers.
And the courts
are a nightmare.
Prosecutors work
closely with cops.
They're not gonna
jeopardize their relationship
by pursuing cases
against them.
All the officer has to say
is he feared for his life,
and it gets thrown out.
Look, we know all of this,
but that doesn't mean you just give up.
Okay, so say I don't give
up and I get the commissioner
to agree
to fire the officers.
Do you know
what happens next?
They'd file a countersuit. Yes.
And the officers
get paid to stay at home.
Not to mention
qualified immunity.
And now the officers are back
on the street, and I am blackballed.
And then one of the only
female captains in the NYPD
is forced to quit.
And you don't want me gone.
I'm one of the good ones.
And I know how that sounds,
but I'm not
one of the bad ones who say
they're one of the good ones.
I'm one of the good ones who
say they're one of the good ones.
Yeah, I hear it, Rosa.
You can stop
staring daggers at me.
Let's just go.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
SANTIAGO: Sir,
do you have a minute?
I wanted
to apologize.
Being back at work
has been weird.
Rosa's gone,
and the world has changed.
And you were
the one person
I thought I could count on
to be the same.
Always Holt.
I know I've been acting crazy,
and I'm sorry.
Do you know why I engaged
in small talk with you earlier?
Because small talk is
for strangers and conmen,
and that's what I am
to you now, a stranger.
No. I did it because...
I am a conman.
I was trying to con you
into believing everything
is normal with me when...
...it is not.
Kevin and I have
separated.
Oh, my God.
Why?
It's been a tough year
to be a Black man...
...and a police captain...
...and a human.
I've been pushed to the brink
emotionally and physically.
I went into survival mode,
and it seems I have...
...neglected
my personal life.
(SIGHS)
Does anyone else know?
Not here.
I have successfully
hidden it for months.
Not very well,
I might add.
I made small talk with Peralta
on five separate occasions,
and he never even
batted an eye.
He just blathered on
about someone named...
...Wario.
Yeah, he does that.
But you... (CHUCKLES)
You noticed that something
was off with me
the very first day
you returned.
That just shows
how well you know me.
And while I'm not yet
ready to talk about it,
it's, uh, nice...
...feeling like
I'm not alone anymore.
And that's thanks
to you...
...Raymy.
Just so you know,
I am not Raymy.
We are Raymy.
Just be glad I said it.
Totally.
Yes, I am.
Thank you, sir.
So those cops are just
gonna keep walking the streets
doing this crap
with no consequences?
I'm sorry.
We really tried.
I guess getting the charges
dropped was something,
so thanks...
...to Rosa because
you're not a cop.
I'll hook you up with
those five stars on Yelp.
(SIGHS)
That was rough.
Yep.
Hey, so look,
I'm really sorry
about everything.
I was projecting my insecurities
onto you, and that was wrong.
And I like to think I've done
a lot of good as a detective
and that I can continue
to do that, but...
Maybe I am part
of the problem.
Regardless, you're dealing
with things in your own way,
and I get that
it's not on you
to make me feel okay
about my choices.
Apology accepted.
And just because our
choices are different
doesn't mean
we're not family.
Like The Fast
and the Furious.
No. Right. No, not like that.
This is different,
obviously.
The main point is,
you think I made
the right decision
staying on the force.
(LAUGHING) Jake!
I know. I'm kidding.
I don't even care
what you think.
Your opinion is literally
meaningless to me, loser.
Yeah, now you swung too
far in the opposite direction.
I felt that. It's a hard line to walk,
so...
(LAUGHS)
I'll work on it.
(SIGHS)
Yeah.
got a sec?
I need to talk to you
about something.
Whatever it is
can wait, Rosie.
You're gonna want
to see this.
Question, what is the number
one problem with the coronavirus?
Mass death,
economic collapse,
the way the disease has
exposed the systemic injustice
at the core
of American life.
Well, yes, obviously those,
but after that,
it's how to high-five
your friends
while staying
six feet apart.
But now the world
can stop their worrying
because we have created
the COVID five.
With this machine,
you can execute
any high five
your heart desires.
There's the classic.
Slip me some skin.
(CHUCKLING)
Sprinkle me.
Sprinkle me. Sprinkle.
Sprinkle me.
Sprinkle.
The Vulcan scissor.
That's a bad one.
BOYLE: Yeah.
PERALTA: And of course,
the need for speed.
BOTH: Whoo!
Wow. That was
impressively stupid.
PERALTA: I know, right?
So what was it
you wanted to tell me?
Just wanted
to say goodbye.
I turned in my resignation.
I quit the force.
What?
(GRUNTS)
Ow!
(SCREAMS)
(ALARM BLARING)
Dude,
that was by far the best five.
You're quitting?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
HOLT: To Sergeant
Santiago.
You were on maternity
leave longer than expected
because of
the pandemic,
but now that all
first responders
have been vaccinated,
you've returned.
Cheers.
ALL: Cheers.
Not exactly an emotional
welcome back.
Are you crying?
Oh, he just always knows
exactly what to say.
She's consistent.
So, guys, tell me everything
that happened while I was gone.
Well, as you know,
Hitchcock retired
the very first
second he could.
That's right. I couldn't
wait to get out of there.
Why are you always
with us on FaceTime?
Because
I miss Scully.
He's more present
than when he worked here.
It's been a terrible year.
BOYLE: True.
But you know
what was rougher?
The hundreds of years
of oppression
experienced by Black
people in this country,
oppression they still
experience to this day.
Why does Charles
sound like a podcast?
Oh,
because I'm listening to one right now.
It's called
Two Wrongs Makes a White,
Lessons in Anti-Racism.
Yeah, you're lucky you
weren't here on Juneteenth.
What the hell?
He went full Schumer.
Cultural
appropriation, Amy.
She'll figure it out.
You're the one who did it!
Mmm-hmm. SANTIAGO:
So where's Rosa?
Thought she'd be
here by now.
I'm telling you,
she's not coming.
Ever since
she quit the force,
she thinks we're just
part of the problem.
HOLT: Oh, she never
said that.
She quit after George
Floyd was killed
because she thought
that she could do more good
by becoming
a PI that helps
victims of
police brutality.
That has nothing
to do with us.
Then how come
we haven't hung out
at all since
she quit?
Setting up a new
business takes time.
She's probably too
busy to see friends.
And yet I have time
to see my friends,
and be a father,
and do my job,
and straight-up
crush it
at Goat Simulator
on my Switch.
That's not something
to be proud of.
Being a father is not
something to be proud of, Ames?
Wow. You've
changed, dude.
Look, all I'm saying is,
I promise you
she is not gonna
show up tonight.
And if she does,
I'll give each of you $1,000 cash.
That's a promise.
Hey, everybody.
Jake's word is not
legally binding.
Any promise of cash reward is,
of course,
understood as hyperbole.
Rosa! I knew
you'd make it.
'Sup, my guy?
What?
Sorry. It's been
a while.
I forgot how we used
to greet each other.
Anyway, how's the cool
new PI gig going?
Eh, it's not that cool.
I have a desk at a WeWork
that I share
with a Twitter comedian.
Oh,
fun. But I'm getting more clients.
I just got a new job
this morning.
A woman was assaulted by two
police officers in the Seven-Four.
Oh. Well,
that's horrible.
Wait, the Seven-Four.
I know the captain there.
She was my sergeant before
I transferred to the Nine-Nine.
I could talk to her.
She can help.
Nah, I doubt that.
You know, the system
can still work sometimes
when good people
are involved.
Is that why
you want to help,
so you can make some point
about policing?
No. I'm not some point maker,
shot taker,
making girls hot like
oats by Quaker.
Hey, man, you're rapping. Yeah,
I had to see where it was going.
Look, I just want
to help out.
Plus, it might be fun to work
together again. I miss seeing you.
Hmm. Okay.
I'm meeting my client
tomorrow. I'll text you the details.
Yes. Jake and Rosa
are back!
You okay?
Your leg shake is rattling
the windows out there.
I'm stressed.
It's Captain Holt.
You won't believe
what he said to me.
Hello, Santiago.
How's your lunch?
Pretty bad, right?
That he politely asked you
about your lunch?
It was small talk.
Captain Holt
always says
that true friends
sit in silence.
Small talk is for...
BOTH: Strangers and conmen.
So I'm a stranger now.
This is my big fear
about having a child,
losing my spark
with my boss.
Amy, he's your captain.
You act like it's some
romantic relationship.
You know what, Terry?
You're right.
It is like
a romantic relationship.
That's what you got
from what I said?
Do you still have
that relationship book
from when you and Sharon
were having issues?
That book was about sex.
And it's actually Scully's.
But I bet Scully also ordered
some relationship books
when Scully got himself
that sex book for Scully.
Just own the sex
book thing.
You want
my help or not?
Fine. Can you please get
Scully's relationship book
that is obviously
not yours?
Weird that you're asking me to do it,
but okay.
I'll see what I can do.
Hey, my client's
in the conference room,
but before
we go in there,
it wasn't easy getting her
to agree to talk with a cop,
so don't be too
cop-ish. Just be normal.
Got it, normal,
not too cop-ish.
Won't be a problem.
(IMITATES MRS. DOUBTFIRE) Hello!
Yeah, this is not
gonna work.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Sorry.
You just gave me too many notes.
I got in my head. Let me start over,
please.
Ms. Fulton, hello.
I'm Detective Peralta.
I know you're nervous
about talking to a cop,
which I totally get,
but rest assured,
I'm one
of the good ones.
And I know
how that sounds,
but I'm not one of
the bad ones who says
they're one
of the good ones.
I'm actually
one of the good ones
who says they're one
of the good ones.
And I know
how that sounds...
Does he just keep going until
someone stops him?
BOTH: Yes.
Would you mind telling us what happened,
from the beginning?
Sure. I was walking home
from the pharmacy
when two uniformed
cops stopped me
and asked me
what was in my bag.
I said,
"Nothing. Just some personal items."
But then they kept
bothering me, saying,
well, if it's nothing, I should have
no problem with showing them.
But in my mind
I'm like,
"Why do I need to show
them my new loofah?"
You don't.
It's your loofah.
Thank you, Ms. Diaz.
It is my loofah.
Anyways, I said
I wanted to go home,
so I tried to walk past them,
and they grabbed me.
Suddenly, I'm thrown
on the ground,
and they're yelling at me
to stop resisting,
which I wasn't.
I was just scared.
Then they threw me up
against the squad car,
saying they was arresting
me for assaulting them.
I'm the one who got
the black eye
and bruises
all over my body,
but somehow
I assaulted them?
Do you remember
what time of day it was?
5:45, 6:00.
So right at the end
of a shift.
Which means?
DIAZ: Some officers like to make arrests
at the end of their shift so they
can work later and get extra overtime.
That is so wrong.
PERALTA: It is.
But I promise you,
we are gonna get you justice.
Yeah, we'll see.
Hey, did you
find the book?
Scully's book.
Wow. Someone's
in a mood.
I went to my barbershop to get a
quick cleanup, and Boyle was there.
Yeah, got a low-drop fade
with a crisp lining.
I'm all about supporting
Black businesses.
Right.
BOYLE: Oh.
Are you upset about something,
Lieutenant?
It's just that the
barbershop is my therapy.
Mmm. It's where I
go to clear my mind,
and that's hard to do
with you there.
Mmm.
Stop mmm-ing me!
It's my listening noise.
Listening doesn't
require noise!
So I reviewed
the Aisha Fulton case,
and it is definitely
problematic.
The arresting officers have
had several complaints before.
And their version of events
is only two sentences long.
"Suspect had
suspicious item. Scary."
It's clearly bogus,
but an officer did break
one of his fingers.
Probably from tackling
her to the ground.
Yeah, or from pointing it so
hard at everyone but himself.
(SIGHS)
Who are you performing
this for, Jake?
Both of you guys.
Look, I want to help,
but the problem is,
we have no proof
of what really happened.
Let me guess,
their body cam footage
was mysteriously
corrupted.
Yeah, they probably
tampered with it,
but between us,
there was a rookie there, Janice Lee.
If you can get her to
confirm your client's story,
I can help you.
Here's her address.
Great.
See, Rosa,
this couldn't be any easier.
O'SULLIVAN: Frank O'Sullivan,
head of the Patrolmen's Union,
and there is no way
on God's green earth
that you're
ever talking
to anyone involved
in this case.
I mean,
I guess it could be a little easier.
DIAZ: Why are you here,
O'Sullivan?
Officer Lee called me,
and I'm here to stop
your heartless crusade
against our
heroes in blue,
but to be clear,
all I want is to keep our city safe
and then to go home
to my ma at night.
You live with
your mom?
My ma lives with me...
...in her house.
Do you have something
against my ma?
Because I'll be
honest with you,
there's only three things
that I love in this whole world,
my ma, the NYPD,
and Billy Joel.
And right now,
you're assaulting
two of those
three things.
Wow. So Billy Joel
made your top three?
And now you've assaulted
all three.
Can we please just
talk to Officer Lee?
Look, these are nice boys
that you're going after.
All the perp had to do was
show them what was in the bag,
but no, no, she had
to escalate things.
A finger was broken.
Do you understand that if
anyone else was being treated
the way our brave
officers are being treated,
there'd be marching
in the street,
which I would oppose,
by the way,
because marching leads
to rioting,
and rioting
leads to looting.
Okay, this doesn't seem
like it's gonna be a short rant.
Yeah, we're gonna
head out.
Hello, Captain.
It's so good
to see you.
So, so good.
What's with the
bizarre eye contact
and the weird way you're talking,
Santiago?
Did you join a cult?
What? No.
Are you sure?
Most cult members don't
realize they're part of a cult.
I'm not in a cult.
I was trying
to connect with you.
It's a method
from this book.
Oh, is that one of
Terry's sex books?
You mean one of
Scully's sex books.
Ever since
I came back,
you've been
acting distant.
What happened to Raymy? Raymy?
Ray and Amy, Raymy.
It's what people call us.
I don't know a single person
who's ever called us that.
Regardless, something
is very wrong between us.
You made small talk
with me yesterday.
Oh, you noticed that.
Of course I did!
It was like
a knife to my heart,
which is why we have to
do the exercises in this book.
Please, sir? Please?
If I agree,
will you go back to work?
Absolutely.
Fine. What's
the next exercise?
It is...
...way too sexual.
Wow.
We're gonna have
to skip around a bit
to make this
appropriate for work.
Something seemed off
to me in O'Sullivan's rant.
How red he got?
Yeah, he looked like a candied
apple with a widow's peak.
No,
he said all the perp needed to do
was show them
what was in her bag,
but that wasn't
in the police report
and Lamazar didn't know that,
so how did he?
I think O'Sullivan watched
the body cam recording
before it was
corrupted,
which means he might
have the original footage,
which means
if we want proof,
we need to break into
the union and get it.
That's a lot of ifs.
And besides, we can't
break into the union.
They'd recognize us.
No way.
Just put on a big dumb watch,
some Oakleys,
and a camo baseball
cap. You'll fit right in.
Okay, look,
as much as I would love
to take on the character
of Mitchell Keith Erickson
from Toms River,
New Jersey, I can't do it.
Why not?
You already named him.
He named himself!
But I don't have a warrant, and you could
be arrested for breaking and entering.
No, I think we should
knock on doors
and try and find a witness to corroborate
the story. You sure about that?
Have you talked to the
people of New York lately?
Yes, I know
what you think.
And obviously
things are a bit tense,
but I believe that people
still understand
that we're here to help.
Nope.
Yeah, I saw something.
It looked
kind of like this.
I don't talk to pigs.
Copy that.
JEFFORDS:
Hey, Charles.
I just got a random
Venmo payment from you.
Was this an accident?
BOYLE: No.
It was the only way I could
express how sorry I am
for what you've had
to go through.
Consider it a mini
reparation. Mini?
I wouldn't say
$10,000 is mini.
$10,000!
Yeah, when I saw
that you sent it,
I was like, this must
have been an accident,
like you meant
to send $100
and then thought you
needed to add the cents, too,
and then accidentally
added two zeros.
That's a pretty good guess as to
what could have happened, but didn't.
Because I meant
every last zero.
I'm sure you did.
Thanks, Charles.
BOYLE: You got it.
Wow, Charles,
that was so nice of you.
It was obviously
a mistake, Scully!
How many more of these
are we gonna do
till you realize
it's pointless?
Well, I don't think
it's pointless.
That's what I've been
trying to prove to you.
Wait, I thought you said you
weren't trying to prove a point.
Well, yeah, but I mean,
I kind of had to say that
so you'd let me work with
you and I could make my point.
See,
this is why we don't hang out anymore,
because you're always
so defensive.
Well, it's kind of hard
not to be
when you think
I'm a bad person now.
I never said that.
You didn't have to.
Rosa, we came up together.
We went to the academy
together.
We've had the exact
same career.
All we ever wanted
was to be detectives.
And yes, we've always known
there were problems,
but we would solve them
together from the inside.
So when you quit,
yeah, it made me feel
like you thought
I was wrong for staying.
Jake, my choice has
nothing to do with you.
It was the hardest
thing I've ever done.
I gave up my career,
my friends, my whole life,
but I did it
because I couldn't ignore
what I was a part of anymore,
couldn't ignore what the police
are doing in my community
to people
who look like me.
I know, but not
all of them, not me.
This isn't about you!
And this case,
where a Black woman
was assaulted
by the police,
has nothing to do
with you either.
So if you're
not here to help,
if you're just here
to prove a point, then,
man, I don't think we should
work together anymore.
And I definitely don't
think we're friends.
Scully, I need your help, but you
can't tell anybody what I'm up to.
Oh, not a problem. I don't
talk to anyone but Hitchcock.
And nobody where I am
even speaks English.
Where are you?
Brazil, baby!
I got conned
by a cam girl,
but it turns out,
I love it here.
Okay, look, you two
are always complaining
about work regulations,
so I'm guessing
you know your way
around the Patrolmen's Union.
I need your help to break in.
SCULLY: You bet.
Those bastards are everything
that's wrong with policing.
HITCHCOCK: Their dress
policy's insane.
You have to wear
a shirt at all times.
Yuck! Just tell me
how I can get
to O'Sullivan's office undetected.
SCULLY: No problem.
He goes to lunch at 12:30,
so that's your window.
At 12:45,
the mail is delivered.
The guard at the desk always
flirts with the mail woman,
so he'll be distracted.
Then go down the main hall.
This is important.
It's your last bathroom stop
on the whole floor.
It's unisex and handicap,
so you get that bad boy
all to yourself.
Tell her
about toilet paper.
Stop talking
about bathrooms.
Fine. Pee your pants.
What do I care?
Go to the last office on the right,
and you're there.
Well, that background
is on brand.
Yeah, Ma!
I got the tickets!
What do think? Front row,
Ma, Billy Joel.
You, me, and the poet
of Long Island.
Huh? No, I know.
So it says to participate
in a new hobby
your partner has
expressed interest in.
Have you gotten into
anything new lately?
I started performing
daily checks
of my blood-oxygen level
during COVID
because I feared
for my life.
Ooh!
(DEVICE BEEPS)
Ninety-eight.
Ninety-eight.
We did it. We're back
to being Raymond-Amy.
It's Raymy.
And you can't measure our
connection by blood levels.
Let's do
another exercise.
Regulations.
Regulations.
Regulations.
Regulations.
How much longer
do we have to do this?
It was supposed to be
a meaningful word
to both of us,
but clearly that wasn't it.
Okay,
now we're supposed to tell each other
a secret no one
else knows.
I'll go first.
I once had a sex dream
about Sanjay Gupta.
This is absurd.
I know.
And it was really graphic.
No, these exercises.
We're not lovers.
We're not even friends.
We're co-workers.
I'm tired of Terry's
stupid book.
Scully's book!
O'SULLIVAN:
I beg your pardon?
Did you just say
you want to bring Gary?
MAN: I need to speak with
my union president immediately!
Ma, I gotta call you
right back. Okay.
Could I help
you out, sir?
I certainly
hope so, sir.
My name is
Mitchell Keith Erickson,
and I've just been assaulted
based solely on profession.
Oh, damn it
to hell, son.
Tell me what happened.
All right.
So I go to this phone store,
right, to get my screen fixed.
And they say, "Yeah,
no problem, 45 minutes."
So I wait, and I wait.
Fifty minutes go by!
Nobody helped me.
O'SULLIVAN: It's despicable.
PERALTA: So I go back
into the back room
to complain,
and they're all
just sitting around
trash-talking
Billy Joel!
What?
They said Piano Man
is his only good tune!
Well, now,
that's just insanity.
Uh, hey, Terry.
Um, I have
to come clean,
and please don't say
anything until I'm done,
not that I'm trying
to silence you.
I am listening.
Just say it!
The $10,000 was
supposed to be $100.
And I was too embarrassed
to ask for it back.
Boyle, I need
to come clean, too.
I knew you made a mistake.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
I was just messing
with you. You were?
Obviously!
Okay.
Look, Boyle, it's great that
you're trying to do better,
but the way you're doing
it is kind of messed up.
If you want to do something
about these issues,
you have to do it because
you think it's the right thing,
not because you want me
to know about it.
That just makes stuff
weird between us.
You're right.
You're right. I won't
be as performative.
(CELL PHONE WHOOSHES)
I just donated
to a great charity,
but I won't tell you
which one or how much.
Good for you.
For Black transwomen.
It was $1,000.
Dear Lord. I got out of
there 45 minutes ago.
Why were you
in there so long?
O'Sullivan
wouldn't let me leave
until he had
explained to me
why reverse racism
was worse than,
as he called it,
classic racism.
How'd you know
I'd be here?
I bumped into Scully,
and he told me everything.
He was really worried you
weren't gonna take his toilet advice.
Well, thanks for
saving me in there.
Yeah, of course. You know
I've always got your back.
And I'm not trying to make
a point. I'm just here to help.
Well, you did,
'cause I got the footage.
Oh, I'm gonna have
to delete this.
(LAUGHS)
Yeah.
Oh, wait,
you're not joking.
(GASPS) Oh, no.
You're a villain!
Why'd you
delete it?
You said you'd help us
if we got proof.
Yeah, but I didn't think
you'd get proof, get proof.
I thought you'd just,
you know, get proof.
There's proof
and there's proof.
You got the wrong
kind of proof.
I don't know how
much clearer I can be.
So you were never
gonna help us?
I am helping you!
I can still get the charges
against your client dropped.
Now that I saw
that footage,
I'll get my officers
to revise their statements.
And they'll be
punished?
No, there's no way
I can suspend them.
Suspend? I thought
you would fire them.
(SNICKERS)
Oh, you're being
serious now.
Huh, I guess jokes
aren't our thing.
Well, if I fired them,
it would trigger
the union's appeal process.
PBA's grievance
proceedings allow
for both unions
and individual officers
to challenge personnel
actions by superiors.
The complaint gets sent
up the chain of command
till they get someone
who sides with the officers.
And the courts
are a nightmare.
Prosecutors work
closely with cops.
They're not gonna
jeopardize their relationship
by pursuing cases
against them.
All the officer has to say
is he feared for his life,
and it gets thrown out.
Look, we know all of this,
but that doesn't mean you just give up.
Okay, so say I don't give
up and I get the commissioner
to agree
to fire the officers.
Do you know
what happens next?
They'd file a countersuit. Yes.
And the officers
get paid to stay at home.
Not to mention
qualified immunity.
And now the officers are back
on the street, and I am blackballed.
And then one of the only
female captains in the NYPD
is forced to quit.
And you don't want me gone.
I'm one of the good ones.
And I know how that sounds,
but I'm not
one of the bad ones who say
they're one of the good ones.
I'm one of the good ones who
say they're one of the good ones.
Yeah, I hear it, Rosa.
You can stop
staring daggers at me.
Let's just go.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
SANTIAGO: Sir,
do you have a minute?
I wanted
to apologize.
Being back at work
has been weird.
Rosa's gone,
and the world has changed.
And you were
the one person
I thought I could count on
to be the same.
Always Holt.
I know I've been acting crazy,
and I'm sorry.
Do you know why I engaged
in small talk with you earlier?
Because small talk is
for strangers and conmen,
and that's what I am
to you now, a stranger.
No. I did it because...
I am a conman.
I was trying to con you
into believing everything
is normal with me when...
...it is not.
Kevin and I have
separated.
Oh, my God.
Why?
It's been a tough year
to be a Black man...
...and a police captain...
...and a human.
I've been pushed to the brink
emotionally and physically.
I went into survival mode,
and it seems I have...
...neglected
my personal life.
(SIGHS)
Does anyone else know?
Not here.
I have successfully
hidden it for months.
Not very well,
I might add.
I made small talk with Peralta
on five separate occasions,
and he never even
batted an eye.
He just blathered on
about someone named...
...Wario.
Yeah, he does that.
But you... (CHUCKLES)
You noticed that something
was off with me
the very first day
you returned.
That just shows
how well you know me.
And while I'm not yet
ready to talk about it,
it's, uh, nice...
...feeling like
I'm not alone anymore.
And that's thanks
to you...
...Raymy.
Just so you know,
I am not Raymy.
We are Raymy.
Just be glad I said it.
Totally.
Yes, I am.
Thank you, sir.
So those cops are just
gonna keep walking the streets
doing this crap
with no consequences?
I'm sorry.
We really tried.
I guess getting the charges
dropped was something,
so thanks...
...to Rosa because
you're not a cop.
I'll hook you up with
those five stars on Yelp.
(SIGHS)
That was rough.
Yep.
Hey, so look,
I'm really sorry
about everything.
I was projecting my insecurities
onto you, and that was wrong.
And I like to think I've done
a lot of good as a detective
and that I can continue
to do that, but...
Maybe I am part
of the problem.
Regardless, you're dealing
with things in your own way,
and I get that
it's not on you
to make me feel okay
about my choices.
Apology accepted.
And just because our
choices are different
doesn't mean
we're not family.
Like The Fast
and the Furious.
No. Right. No, not like that.
This is different,
obviously.
The main point is,
you think I made
the right decision
staying on the force.
(LAUGHING) Jake!
I know. I'm kidding.
I don't even care
what you think.
Your opinion is literally
meaningless to me, loser.
Yeah, now you swung too
far in the opposite direction.
I felt that. It's a hard line to walk,
so...
(LAUGHS)
I'll work on it.
(SIGHS)
Yeah.