Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 9, Episode 4 - Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street - full transcript

♪ ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

[CAWING]

No! What are you doing?

Make it look scary. Better.

So what's that supposed to be?

An ugly ghost or something?

- It's a mummy.
- Mm. Looks like an ugly ghost.

I spent all weekend on it.

You know what, leave it
there. It's, uh, terrifying.

O-Okay.



I love how Ocean Avenue's gonna be

pedestrian only on Halloween.

We only have to trick-or-treat
on one street and we live on it.

Yeah, the only thing easier
would be if everyone

just dumped candy in a
bucket outside the door.

Bill, bill, bill. Ooh, catalogue.

And I'm a little old to
trick-or-treat, but damn,

I got to get me some Sticky Sugar-Booms.

Sticky Sugar-Booms? What
are Sticky Sugar-Booms?

A new candy/reason for living.

It's the "it" candy this year.

You chomp it and the syrup
reacts with the fizzy stuff

and it explodes in your mouth. Boom.

And you know the store owners



are gonna give out the good stuff

'cause they're so
desperate for business.

Looking at you, Dad.

Did you get the Sticky Sugar-Booms?

Oh, no, I got these really
good hard candies, though.

Everyone loves hard candies, right?

Yeah, yeah... They're the b-best?

Yeah, I mean, these were
my grandfather's favorite,

Dr. Peter's Bitter Drops.

They aren't too sweet, you know?

And, by the way, we're not
desperate for business.

Eh, we are.

All right, we are, but
this will be good.

Lots of people coming in here,

maybe people who've
never been in before.

For Bitter Drops?

And for the ghosts. Your
mother hung ghosts.

I mean, she's going to.

I hung the string. I
can't find the ghosts.

Hey, here's a flyer from your dentist.

Dr. Yap is offering to
pay you a dollar a pound

for your Halloween candy.

Why the hell would we do that?

We worked for that sugar, girl!

Plus, buying candy is
exactly what we'd do

with money the second we got any.

Yeah, money is just candy
that hasn't been born yet.

- [BELL RINGS]
- Hey, Teddy, how you doing?

Good. I-I mean, okay, maybe,

or maybe not. [LAUGHS]

What's going on?

[SIGHS] Well, you know that
candle place next door?

Those Who Can, Dle.

Horrible name. I don't
even understand it.

Yeah, well, they hired a handyman

to set out their Halloween
decorations out front.

Oh, yeah, I think I saw that guy.

He's got two legs, two arms?

That's him, all right. Yup.

His name is Glenn. The guy's always

beating me out for jobs.

His hook is he's the
"smell nice handyman."

Ooh, I like that. Not
that you're not that.

Yeah, no, you smell
incredible all the time.

Like baby powder and-and peanut butter.

Yeah, well, I kind of told
him, "Hey, that's funny.

"I got hired next door at Bob's

to decorate the front of
their place for Halloween."

Uh-huh, but you didn't.

- No, right. No, I know.
- Right.

Okay, so hear me out: if you let me,

I'll do your decorations for free

if you just pretend-hire me, right?

So I can shove it right in
Glenn's stupid, nice-smelling,

stupid face, right?

How's that smell, Glenn?

He's just so damn competent.

I just want to step on his
neck a little bit, you know?

- Whoa.
- Yikes.

- Yeah.
- Okay, fine, Teddy, you can decorate

the front of the restaurant if you want.

- Yay!
- Oh, thanks a lot. That's great.

How's that spider coming along, Teddy?

It's coming along wonderfully, Glenn.

Than you very much. How's
your so-called bat?

My bat is spectacular.
Thanks for asking.

Nice ladder, by the way.

Thank you. I can't tell if
you're being sarcastic.

Oh, I was, and now I realize

that we have the same ladder,

so maybe now I'm being sincere.

So we both agree these
are great ladders.

Is this the right tone of
voice to be saying that,

you idiot on a nice ladder?

Oh, yeah, this is a great tone
of voice, except shut up!

Yeah, you shut up!
Besides, I can't hear you

over all the work I'm doing over here.

I'm doing more work! Work, work...

TEDDY AND GLENN: Work,
work, work, work...

- Work.
- Work good, smell better.

That's what I say.

Can I open my eyes yet?

I want to see my babies
in their costumes.

GENE: We've been ready for five minutes.

- We're waiting for you.
- Oh, look at you!

Who are you dressed as?

I'm André 3000 the Giant.

Oh, so fresh and so Gene.

Who are you, Louise?

I'm a dragon with a girl tattoo.

- Ooh, you flipped the script.
- What do you mean?

And what are you, Tina?

I'm Nun of Your Business.

Okay. Geez, touchy.

No, Lin, that's her costume.

Do you seriously not get it?

No, I got it. I-I got it.

What-what is it then?

She's a nun. She's a cranky nun.

What about the briefcase?

Well, that's why she's cranky.

She's got a lot of work to do.

Hey, Teddy.

- Cool... costume?
- Yeah.

I thought if I was gonna
be working out here

on Halloween night, I
should probably blend in.

I didn't want to look weird, Bob.

Uh-huh. How you doing
on the decorations?

Great. I'm almost done.

Just because it's definitely
not before Halloween anymore.

It is Halloween, you know?

Kids are trick-or-treating all
over the place right now.

But look at that spider
and that web! Ooh, scary!

Isn't the spider scary, kids?

TINA: Sure is. [WHISTLES]

GENE: That spider makes
me think, "Whoa. No way."

Yeah, took a lot of work, but, hey,

- when you nail it, you nail it.
- [SCREAMS]

Holy crap. His flies?

It's flying all over the place.

- That's amazing!
- It looks so real.

That's better than real.
That's better than bats.

- Yours doesn't move?
- No, it doesn't move at all.

God, it's like something out
of da Vinci's sketchbook.

Uh... I know a guy.

I-I can go get a motor, a-a servo.

This spider's gonna be
crawling all over the place.

- I'll be right back.
- Yup.

Happy Halloween!

That's entertainment, am I right?

[GROWLS] Glenn!

- Ooh, he does smell good.
- All the way from here.

Ooh, I got some Sticky Sugar-Booms.

- Nice.
- Me, too.

They're gonna be the second
best booms I drop today.

Kerplunk!

[MUFFLED]: I can't open my mouth at all,

but it's so good.

[MUFFLED]: Yup. I can feel the
flavor seeping into my teeth.

Good-bye, teeth.

- ♪ Trick or treat ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ Sticky sweets ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

- ♪ Messin' up ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ All my teeth ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

- ♪ Trick or treat ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ Sticky sweets ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

♪ Feel the flavor seeping
into my teeth... ♪

♪ ♪

You can eat the wrappers, right?

- Cut out the middleman?
- [GRUNTS]

- [POPS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Oh, hey, Jimmy Jr. Zeke.

- That-That's loud.
- Hey, Tina.

So you're trick-or-treating,
huh? We're not.

You could say we're more into
the trick part this year.

[SHOUTING] That's loud.

Yeah, mischief.

Oh, that one didn't explode,
but you get the point.

So much mischief.

We're gonna go to Mutilation Mansion

at Wonder Wharf later.

I heard they jump out and grab you.

They really shake you.

- Come on. Like this. Come on.
- Zeke, ow.

And they look all mutilated.

Tina, you should go. It's fun.

Mm, I don't think so.

Mutilation Mansions
kind of freak me out.

Duh. That's the point.

Yeah, Tina, you don't go
to Mutilation Mansion

to relax and unwind.

- It's not a spa.
- [LAUGHS]

You guys are idiots. I'm getting candy.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

ANDY AND OLLIE: Mayday! SOS!

Whoa, Andy, Ollie, are you okay?

- No, our candy got stolen.
- By a devil!

Your candy got stolen
by an actual devil?

I guess it could've been a
human in a devil costume,

but our bags are gone!

Sounds like punk teens
being punks. Sorry, guys.

That really sucks.

Hey, has any one seen an
astronaut running through here?

We have astro-not. Why?

'Cause that astronaut
stole my bag of candy.

- For real?
- Who are you dressed as, by the way?

Paul Rudd in I Love You, Man.

- Oh, it's, um...
- Iconic? Yeah.

My candy! My candy! My beautiful candy!

Oh, no! You, too?

Who took yours, a devil or an astronaut?

Neither. It was a hockey
goalie with a knife.

Do you mean Jason from Friday the 13th?

You know I don't like scary movies!

What's going on?

There are monsters out there,

and they want our candy.

It's a war on Halloween.

Newt Gingrich warned us about this.

Okay, let's go over what we know.

We have four innocent kids' candy stolen

right from their hands.

By a bunch of teens dressed up

like a devil, an astronaut,

and a goalie named Jason.

He's not a goalie, but whatever.

Trick or treat.

Frikkin' teens.

Why can't they just stick
to scaring each other

down at Wonder Wharf?

I know. Teens are the cause
of nine out of ten things.

Guys, I really don't want
my candy to get stolen.

Should we drop ours off at home?

No, no, no, no. We'd be wasting

valuable candy time walking there.

Teens.

More trick than treat this year, huh?

- Do what?
- What are you talking about?

You know damn well what
we're talking about.

Let's give them something to talk about.

How about love?

There's a group of teens
stealing kids' candy.

You wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?

Hm, hm? Would you?

Easy there, Sister Mary Yellin' At Me.

That sucks sour balls, but it wasn't us.

- [SCREAMING]
- Gene, what happened?

My candy, it's gone!

- What?
- You, too?

- Who took it?
- That guy!

No. That guy. I-I didn't see!

Someone just yanked it out of my hand!

Told you it wasn't us.

Yeah, man, those accusations sting.

They're picking us off one by one.

- I think I'm dying.
- Oh, no!

His eyes are rolling back in his head!

DARRYL: Get him a fun
size candy bar, stat!

- Gene, stay with us, buddy.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Here, I got one!
- Put it under his tongue!

- [GURGLING]
- I've got a heartbeat here.

He's stabilizing.

You gave us a real scare
there, little buddy.

Don't you ever do that to me again!

Okay, happy Halloween.

Sorry we don't have good candy.

My husband's not allowed
to buy the candy anymore.

- [BELL RINGS]
- [LAUGHS]

We're gonna show up
that handsome bastard.

- Y-You think he's handsome?
- You don't?

I don't know. I didn't... I
mean, he's not really my type.

He's got a good body, though.

Are you kidding? He has a great body.

Yeah, but without the body,

you wouldn't say he's handsome.

I would. All right.

Here we go.

- [TEDDY LAUGHS]
- BOB: Whoa, nice.

TEDDY: Look at it go!

Plus, it's motion activated.

Whoa, what the hell is that?

Looks like a ghost?

I'm projecting this ghost-like
image onto a superfine mist.

It's amazing, I know.

Wow, it looks really real.

Yup, it's a hell of an effect over here

at Those Who Can, Dle Candles.

Well, uh, my spider cr-crawls
a little bit now, so...

It really jiggles around, doesn't it?

Yeah, well, it, uh...

It's, uh... [GROANS] I give up. You win.

- Did you just give up?
- Yes, Glenn.

Well, Teddy wasn't finished
with his spider yet.

- I wasn't?
- No, he has big plans still, Glenn.

It's, like, 8:30.

We know it's late, okay?

Glenn, ever heard of a grand
finale? I didn't think so.

I've heard of a grand finale.

Well, you're about to hear of one. More.

Come on, Teddy, you-you've
got to finish doing

what you were gonna do
with this not done spider.

Okay, because I'm
definitely gonna do that.

- So let's do it.
- Let's go.

- Here we go. Okay.
- Go, go, go.

- We're going. I'm going.
- Go, Teddy, go.

Stick around, Glenn,

if you want to see a
thing that we're doing

that we definitely know what it is.

[GENE GROANING]

We just got to rebuild, one
trick or treat at a time.

Can we re-trick-or-treat the places

we've already trick-or-treated?

Is that even legal?

Wait. You all got your candy stolen

while you were on Ocean Avenue, right?

- ALL: Yeah.
- So that means,

if we don't want our candy stolen,

we got to stay off the street.

And stay in school.

No, we're only safe in the stores.

From now on, do not touch Ocean
Avenue unless you have to.

The street is lava, okay? Go, go, go

[ALL SCREAMING]

ALL: Thank you.

Okay. Two at a time.

Darryl, Rudy, I want
you to hug that wall

like it's your mama at bedtime. Ready?

- Ready.
- Sort of.

Now, go, go, go.

[BOTH SHOUTING]

Next two.

Okay, we're all safe inside,

and Tina and I still have our candy.

- Good job, everyone.
- Up from the ashes, here we go.

Time to trick-or-treat this mamma-jamma.

[PANTING]

Trick or treat, smell my
feet and whatnot, good sir?

Thank you.

Trick or... [SCREAMS]
Somebody took my bag!

- Somebody took my bag!
- Who? Did you see who took it?

TINA: No! Yes! I don't
know, I don't know!

So the street is lava and now
the stores are lava, too?

Everywhere can't be lava.
That's not how lava works.

Happy Halloween. Here you go.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

Oh, what about fries?
You want some fries?

Or coffee? I just put a pot on.

Ooh, sugar. You just...

do you want to just take that instead?

Just take that. There you go.

These candy thieves can hit
us wherever they want.

What does it matter anymore?
My candy's gone.

- Ah!
- I still have my candy.

Speaking of which, can I have some?

Preferably a Sticky Sugar-Boom?

No! Yes.

Some, if you defend it.

All right, good. I feel surrounded.

Let's head towards home and get

this candy into the vault.

Wait, I forget, which one of
us is dressed like a gorilla?

- TINA: Um, none, I think?
- Then who's that?

[ALL SCREAMING]

- Catch him!
- There's a gorilla in our midst!

LOUISE: Where'd that gorilla go?

- DARRYL: There he is!
- Are we chasing him?

Are we gonna kill him?
I think I can do it.

- No. Let's just follow him.
- Right, right. Sorry.

Yeah, follow him.

Maybe he leads us to his dumb friends

and we get all of our stolen candy back.

TINA: Hey, stop.

Damn it. Wrong gorilla.

Sorry. Cute baby.

There. He's on that side street.

GENE: He's too fast.

And I'm not just saying
that as a slow boy.

RUDY: That electric skateboard
thingy really moves.

That's cheating.

Yeah, gorillas can't even
ride those things, probably.

Damn it. How are we gonna catch him?

Huh.

Bus driver, follow that gorilla.

You got it. Hold on tight, kids.

We're gaining on him.

Wow, he's really good on that thing.

Ugh, that was tough to watch.

I mean, you root for him to
fall off and then he falls off,

and then you don't know how to feel.

Wait, what am I doing? I have a route.

I give into peer
pressure way too easily.

Are you serious? This is an emergency.

A candy emergency.

You know what else is an emergency?

Respecting myself.

Go on, get out. Enjoy the night.

He's going towards the
wharf. He's on foot now.

We can get him. Halloween
turbo speed, go!

GENE: I don't think I have that feature.

[BELLS JINGLE]

How's it going out here,
with the decorations

you're still putting up for some reason?

Wait, what's with the bandana?

Oh, I wanted to dress up.

How is that dressing up?

I'm Bruce Springsteen.

Bruce Springsteen? Not really.

I thought you were Rambo.

No. I wouldn't just put on a bandana.

I'm wearing jeans, Teddy.

I look like Bruce Springsteen.

Anyway, we're in the middle of something

- revolutionary here, Lin.
- Yeah. We're about to...

[QUIETLY]: we're about to
show up Glenn in a big way.

[WHISPERS]: Yeah. He's bad news, Lin,

and he's going down.

He thought it was "Glory Days,"

but it's about to be "Thunder Road."

I don't get it. Is that
a line from Rambo?

Wait, what's on the spider's legs?

- Oh, those are chain saws.
- Wha... chain saws?

- Not real ones, though, right?
- TEDDY: No, they're real.

Are they on all the spider's legs?

Well, not all of them.

We could only get four chain saws.

Got a couple of legs
that have nail guns.

Yeah, and one's got a hammer.

I'm not explaining to the
kids that their dad died

in a chain saw spider accident.

- Yeah.
- And if you chop your hands off,

I'm not wiping your butt for you.

You know our arrangement.

I know our arrangement. I'll be careful.

Okay, I-I think we're ready.

I hope Glenn is still around so he sees.

This bad boy's got some real power,

so I'm just gonna start
out nice and slow...

- [SCREAMING]
- [CHAIN SAWS BUZZING]

- Whoa! Whoa!
- Shut it off!

- Whoa! Whoa!
- Oh, boy, okay!

- Shut if off...
- No! No!

My bat! And my mist ghost!

What the hell happened out here?

Um, I think maybe a kid threw an egg.

We got the worst of it.

LOUISE: Damn it. Where did he go?

DARRYL: Maybe this is a bad idea.

Yeah, maybe we should
stop chasing this gorilla

and go back to trick-or-treating.

No. Guys, it's late.

The good stuff is gone.

We're after the mother lode now.

All the candy that's been taken
from all the kids tonight.

We're going to get everything.

Which we're gonna give back

to all the kids if we find it?

- Sure, sure, yeah. Mm-hmm.
- There he is!

DARRYL: He's going into
Mutilation Mansion.

- Let's follow him!
- But I don't want

to be mutilated tonight.

I worked really hard on this onesie.

_

Uh, I might just, uh, stay out here,

and look for the astronaut
and that devil, um,

and that Jason guy.

Any suspicious hockey goalie, really.

I'm gonna give Tina some backup.

So we'll be out here being brave.

Ugh, suit yourselves. Let's go.

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

[YELLING]

[PANTING]

Oh, I didn't like that.

Okay, where is that damn gorilla?

I really want our candy back,

but I also really want to leave.

There's no turning back now, Rudy.

Well, the door's right there.

There could be some turning back now.

It's not far, is what he's saying.

- No, gah. Both of you, stop it.
- There!

DARRYL: He's going into
the "Ballroom of Blood."

Let's see if we can corner him in there.

As long as we don't see any blood.

I got a thing about that.

- So how's school going?
- Good, good.

H-How's work?

- Same old, same old.
- Mm.

We made the right call to stay out here,

- didn't we?
- I'm enjoying our conversation.

It's nice to catch up.

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

- [SHOUTS]
- [SCREAMING]

Scarred for life! Scarred for life!

- Oh, God.
- Where'd he go?

He's got to be in here.

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[TINA AND GENE SCREAMING]

- [GROANS]
- Tina, Gene.

We realized you might need us in here

more than we needed to not be in here.

Also, a guy came out and
puked, like, ten feet from us.

It did not smell great.

You guys are heroes.

How'd you even see him in here?

We tackled a lot of people
before we tackled him.

But-but they're pretty cool about it.

All right, gorilla. Who are you?

Dr. Yap?

You stole our candy?

Me? What? That's crazy.

- W-Who is that?
- That's our dentist.

Astronaut costume, devil
costume, Jason mask.

It wasn't a bunch of teens,
it was just one dentist?

But why, Yap? Why would
you steal our candy?

I didn't want to. You left me no choice.

Every year I sent out my
flyers with my very generous

cash for candy offer, and
every year, it's ignored!

- It's never gonna happen.
- Yeah. no.

- Nope.
- Yeah, that's not... no. Uh-huh.

Yeah, that's a terrible deal.

But stealing?

Taking candy from sweet,
adorable children, really?

I had to this year, 'cause
of Sticky Sugar-Booms.

Do you know how bad they
are for your teeth?

Of course you don't.

Because you didn't barely
graduate dental school.

I care about you kids.

That's why I hunted you
down like animals all night.

Don't you make more money if
kids get a lot of cavities?

Ah, that's a common misconception.

Plus, cavities are gross
and they smell weird.

And I don't want to fill
cavities all winter.

I want to go skiing.

Where's the rest of the candy, Yap?

I can't tell you that.

- Where is it, dentist?
- Let's just say

your Halloween has been incinerated?

[CACKLES]

Ah, ha! The incinerator.
Guys, follow me.

Did I say "incinerated"? I
meant "it's in the ocean."

Damn it.

Oh, we're so sorry about this.

It really got out of hand.

And all this because my handyman

- wanted to impress your handyman.
- What?

- What?
- Impress me?

Yeah. He said you're the
handyman's handyman,

and he wanted to show you up.

Glenn did most of this
out of his own pocket.

- Poor thing.
- What are you guys talking about?

- Uh...
- Uh, nothing. Cologne.

Uh, just, uh, what a
good job you did here.

Oh, uh, well, thanks,
Teddy, I've always, uh,

I've always liked your work.

Except when you chainsawed everything.

That was Bob's idea.
You know how it goes,

you get hired for a job,

and then you got to do
whatever the guy says? Huh?

- Uh, what?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Right?

Toilet's not gonna fit
in here, you say, right?

So you put the toilet in

and then you find out it doesn't fit.

But I already measured it, sir,

and I told you it wasn't gonna fit.

That's the kind of idiot I'm
dealing with over here.

Okay, T... uh, Teddy, take it easy.

Incinerator guy, stop!

- Stop incinerating!
- Decinerate!

- Wait, what, huh?
- Don't burn that candy!

But I was told to burn the candy.

Well, you've also been told
to not burn the candy.

By us, just now.

So... makes you think?

It's just, my word is
all I have, and I said

I would burn the candy, so
I'm gonna burn the candy.

YAP: Yes, burn the candy.

No! You evil jackass.

You really feel good about
burning kids' candy

- on Halloween?
- Yes, he does.

Oh, wait, it's Halloween?

It is. The one holiday, mind you,

where there's no hugging,
there's no singing,

there aren't even cards.

We dress as monsters and we
threaten people with tricks

and they give us candy
and it's beautiful.

Hey, you had me at "it is."

I-I didn't know it was
Halloween already.

[CHUCKLES] That's what being in a coma

for six months will do to you.

Oh, okay.

So can we have the candy?

- Yeah.
- [SIGHS]

[CHEERING]

But what about your teeth?
They're gonna rot.

Some of us have disposable teeth.

Yeah, nothing's forever, Yap.

I mean, except for my teeth.
They're adult teeth.

But I floss.

No. No, you don't.

- Sometimes.
- Barely.

♪ ♪

Hey, you look like you
might've lost something.

Oh, sorry. You okay?

Here you go, kid. Stick
this in your face-hole.

- Here.
- Yay, candy.

Okay, okay. Easy, easy.

Candy for you, candy for you,

and here's some candy for you.

So you didn't make it to
Mutilation Mansion, huh?

No, Zeke got scared, and
then I then got scared

to make him feel better.
Maybe next year.

I guess we're stuck between
tricks and treats.

We're Hallo-tweeners.

I hear that. I mean, I
went in Mutilation Mansion

with, like, fourth graders, but cool.

Hey, ask me what's in my briefcase.

Wha-What's in your briefcase?

Nun of your business. Get it?

Just kidding, it's a crapload of candy.

Whoa, that's a lot of candy.

How damn! Hallelujah!

Oh, God! Come on. Get away. Come on.

- Ow, Zeke.
- Come on, get away.

- Get away! Get away!
- Ow, Zeke.

- Come here! Cha! Getcha!
- [GRUNTS] Ah!

TINA: ♪ If I wanna put some sweets ♪

♪ All up in my teeth ♪

TINA AND LOUISE: ♪ It's
none of your business ♪

LOUISE: ♪ If she brings
Sticky Sugar-Booms ♪

♪ Up into her room ♪

TINA AND LOUISE: ♪ It's
none of your business ♪

TINA: ♪ If you think my cavity ♪

♪ Is a travesty ♪

TINA AND LOUISE: ♪ It's
none of your business ♪

♪ So don't tell me what to eat ♪

- ♪ Did you go trick-or-treat? ♪
- ♪ No! ♪

♪ It's none of your business! ♪

♪ Now just 'cause you're a grown-up ♪

♪ Doesn't mean you're a dentist ♪

♪ Even if you really were ♪

- ♪ You wouldn't be my friend-tist ♪
- ♪ Check it ♪

- TINA: ♪ Don't say nothin' 'bout my... ♪
- BOTH: ♪ Nougat ♪

- TINA: ♪ Talkin' 'bout my... ♪
- BOTH: ♪ Chocolate ♪

TINA: ♪ If you got a problem with... ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.