Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 9, Episode 5 - Live and Let Fly - full transcript

Belchers, I've been
going over the detention records,

and you kids owe five
hours of detention.

So, we suffer from
detention deficit disorder.

Yeah, shouldn't that
get us out of detention?

No! You're detention dodgers.

Medical excuses,

religious holidays,

conscientious objections.

It's time to pay up.

But five hours? That's like five days.

Well, you can do the hard time, or...



you can help me with a
special project I'm working on.

Instead of serving out

your detention sentence,

you can appear in my music video.

Ugh, pass.

No, no, no. No, wait,
wait, wait, hang on.

I need you kids to help me get
this video done. Like, today.

Maybe throw in a hundred dollars?

Deal! N-No, wait, what am I saying?

Listen, there's a week-long
guidance counselor conference

this week here in town. Counsel-Con.

Yeah, that Counsel-Con.

- That sounds fun.
- A lot of cat sitters

getting work this week.



It is fun.

Except I'm in charge of, like,

six things on the welcome committee.

And, trust me, none
of these prima Donnas

even open their welcome envelope.

They put the "diva" in
"child de-velopment."

They probably won't even appreciate

that I got the ocean
view conference room

at the Spinnaker Hotel.

And thank you for reminding me...

I can't find a friggin' cat sitter.

So it's up to you.
Do the rhyme or do the time.

My video has rhymes in it.

Ugh, fine.

Oh, look at Busta Rhymes over here.

What you doing, Teddy?
You making a little hat?

No, I-I'm making a
paper airplane. All done.

That's not gonna win
me a washing machine.

- Washing machine?
- Yeah, there's gonna be

a paper airplane contest
at the air show on Saturday.

The washing machine's the grand prize.

So, wait, you throw paper
airplanes at an air show?

Isn't that like bringing a
stuffed animal to the zoo?

I did that once.

I wanted to see what their reaction was.

- They liked it.
- Yeah, halfway through the show,

there's a paper airplane contest.

They put a washing machine on
the runway with the door open,

and everyone tosses their paper
airplanes from the bleachers.

And then there's other
appliances out there, too.

You put your name on the
plane, and if you get it

in the toaster, you win the toaster.

And if you get it in the Crock-Pot,

you win the Crock-Pot!

It sounds easy!

Definitely doesn't sound easy.

But we could use a new washing machine.

Oh. Yeah. Ours smells like
something died in there.

Well, it's because that
mouse died in there.

Yeah, he died 'cause it smelled so bad.

Okay, Bob's the best
folder, I'm the best thrower.

- You're not the best thrower.
- What?

All your throws hook to the left, Bob.

You're a hooker, like my cousin Marie.

Your cousin Marie's a prostitute?

No, she throws paper airplanes like you.

- It's your mechanics.
- So, it's settled.

I'm the best at throwing,
you're the best at folding.

Eh. And I'm the guy who kind of regrets

telling you guys about
this. Just kidding.

This will be... fun.

♪ Let's swap eyes so we can ♪

♪ Empathize ♪

♪ Let's swap
eyes over a bowl of ♪

- ♪ Em-pad-Thai. ♪
- Okay, cut, cut, cut.

Louise. I'm not really
feeling you feeling it.

- You feel me?
- Oh, you're not? You're not?

- No.
- Oh, wow.

Can we get a copy of this?

Mom would love this video.

Mom doesn't get to see this.

No one we know will see this.

- That was the deal, Mr. Frond.
- Don't worry.

"The Empathize Glide"
is only gonna be viewed

at the Counsel-Con welcome banquet.

Unless it impresses Judith,
because she sets the curriculum

- for the whole state.
- Excuse me?

Doesn't matter. It's
just a proof of concept.

I'd get actually talented
kids to be in the real thing.

Thank you. Wait, what?

You absolutely, positively promise

that no one at school
will see this video?

You have my word as an
educator/rapper/healer.

♪ Empathize. ♪

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!

This can't be happening!

It's happening.

It's really brave of you to be here

at school and not hiding
in the woods forever.

Tina, you look really
weird in that video.

Right, but like a sassy, fun,
"you want to walk to school

- with me every day" weird?
- No, weird like I feel

like I should help you
or give money to a charity

that helps people like you.

Mr. Frond.

Ah! Okay, I-I see that you are

processing recent developments.

Perhaps, uh, Process-ily
Cecily could help.

Process-ily Cecily can process her ass!

You promised that no one

at school would see us singing
and dancing in your dumb video!

Hold his arms! We're gonna
make it look like an accident!

Easy, girl!

It's not my fault.

I was editing the video
on the library computer

when nature called. I got
up without logging out,

and when I came back, the
kids were watching the video.

Ah! You always log out
before outing a log!

Okay.

That's healthy. You vented.

And, yes, I promised.

But there's nothing we can do now.

This isn't over, Frond.

There's only one way to
deal with this bull-crap.

- We got to...
- Kill something he loves?

- Oh, my!
- Maybe not kill.

- But definitely revenge.
- Aw!

I'd just gotten it out of my head,

and then I see you kids again.

♪ Em-pad-Thais. ♪

A million hours of detention
would have been better

than winding up as Frond's puppets.

He humiliated us. We need
to do the same to him.

Counsel-Con.

Yes! We become the world's
youngest guidance counselors

and show him up while helping
a lot of people along the way.

No, he called the other
counselors "divas," remember?

What if we get Frond
trash-talking them on video

and then post it somewhere for
the whole conference to see?

But how do we get them all to watch it?

He's got to be there and
suffer like we suffered.

Right.

Guys, we just found our solution.

We get divorced?

- No.
- Oh, phew.

Ooh... Whoa.

Okay, after we get video of Mr. Frond

talking trash about his friends,

we'll put the link on an
airplane banner that says

"hottest cats for guidance counselors."

And when it flies by
the Spinnaker Hotel...

Every single one of them
will pull it up on their phones,

and Mr. Frond will be
completely humiliated.

Crushed.

Humiliated, crushed, and destroyed.

Like every buffet
after I'm done with it.

Lin, you want to weigh in
on which airplane design

to go with?

This one, you have to do
over 60 precision folds.

And Barry recommends finishing it off

with a four-degree dihedral angle.

Barry? Who's Barry?

Barry B. Foldin'. He wrote this book.

He's a genius.

Wait, you bought a book
about paper airplanes?

Not a book, Lin, the book.

Barry is a legend in the
paper aviation community.

Wait, what's that thing?

- It's my folding tool.
- You can't just use your finger?

Uh, no.

Not when you're building a
competition-grade aircraft, Lin.

This is probably the best ten dollars

I've ever spent.

That thing cost ten dollars?
How much did the book cost?

I-I don't want to talk about it.

You might not want to overdo it
with the arm strengthening, Lin.

You worry about your folds,

mama's gonna bring home the gold.

Washing machine gold. Whoo!

Oh, I am using the wrong paper.

Oh, my God. I-I gotta go.

I'll be right back.

Hi, uh, I-I need to buy some paper.

This is an art store. Be
specific, for God's sakes!

Yeah. Do you go in a liquor
store and say, "I need liquor"?

Yeah, I bet he does.

Okay, I-I need 24-pound A4
paper. Do you know what that is?

- Ah, making paper airplanes?
- Yeah, is that the right paper?

For an amateur, sure.

W-Wait, what's for
more of a professional?

No, you can't handle
it. You can't afford it.

Can I see it?

- No!
- Please?

- Fine.
- Harold, lock the door.

Put on the gloves. Show him.

Good God, it's beautiful.

Stop breathing on it.

W-W-Wait-wait-wait. How much?

How much are you willing to spend?

Everything.

- How much do you want?
- All of it.

Harold, we're closing early.

Tonight we drink wine out of a bottle.

Hey, Mr. Frond, sorry about yesterday.

We were cuckoo bonkers.

I think Counsel-Con is just
making all of us crazy, right?

Ah, don't get me started.

Do you mind if I put my
groceries on your desk?

- Ignore the hole.
- Sure, go ahead.

I'm sorry, you were saying something

about Counsel-Con going
smooth, loving the people...

Oh, the people. Gary, carrying his own

gluten-free snacks
everywhere, making comments.

And June Wilson with the perfume.

What happened, did
you fall in the bottle?

But everyone's super cool, right?

No. Why does guidance counseling
attract the most uncool people?

If I had to rank them
from stiff to stiffest,

dead last would be Gilbert McDougal.

And not because of his neck brace,

I'm talking personality only.

And then probably Manoj...

We got him. We got him so good.

- Did we run out of tape?
- Yeah.

He just ignored the rewinding sound

- and kept talking.
- Phase one complete.

We upload this sucker,

and then phase three.

Okay, so after we make our own banner,

we come back here, switch 'em out,

and then that plane
flies our revenge banner

in front of the Spinnaker Hotel, and...

Hey, you aren't supposed
to be on the airstrip.

Sure we are. We're the new flight crew.

Hot towel? Hot towel?

Wait, you kids look familiar.

Oh, yeah. You, too.

You once tried to make out with our mom,

but she kicked your butt.

I'm gonna need more than that.

I'm kidding. I remember you guys.

How's your mom? She still with your dad?

Yep, and she and I have our thing, too,

so back off, fly-boy!

Wait, why are you here?
Aren't you a seaplane pilot?

I took the pontoons off Shoshana

so I can fly banner ads,

since my sexy flight lesson
business kinda dried up.

So, why are you kids
sneaking onto the airfield?

Drug smuggling? Muling? You kids muling?

No, we're trying to get revenge.

Revenge, eh?

Yeah, we want to humiliate this guy

who basically destroyed our lives.

Interesting. Life is a
funny mistress sometimes.

Get this. My nemesis is coming
to town for the air show,

and I was literally just
brainstorming on my revenge.

But bumping into you sneaky
weasels gives me an idea.

You want to raise weasels?

No, a proposition. I'll
fly a revenge banner for you

- if you help me get my revenge.
- Deal.

Oh, look at you agreeing before you know

- any of the weird details.
- That's the Belcher way.

Hey, Gus, look who I
found on the airfield.

They're gonna help me
with my revenge plan.

That's nice.

So, Kurt, who's the target? Is it...

Hey, what?!

No, it's a stunt pilot.

All you need to know is she's pure evil.

Her name is Laverne.

Kurt and Laverne used to be part

of a stunt flying team, until she stole

the Dice N' Slice from Kurt

and made him look ridiculous!

- Okay, easy, Gus.
- Sorry, I got excited.

What's a Dice N' Slice?

It's the best aerial
acrobatic stunt ever.

I'd worked on it for
months with my coach,

and was about to unveil it to the world,

but she stole it from me.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Yeah, that's all he's
gonna say about that.

Okay, fine, I'll tell you everything.

Whoa, I was wrong.

It was 20 years ago,

at the nationals.

Go on.

I watched Laverne's plane dice roll,

and then I watched it slice.

I was determined to
out-dice and out-slice her,

so I pushed that plane
and my body to the limits.

I was upside down, pulling so many Gs.

And also I'd had a massive breakfast

at the airfield café.

It was free for us stunt pilots.

I mean, who wouldn't have had
two orders of huevos rancheros?

The g-force made it
all come plopping down.

What do you mean "It
all came plopping down"?

- He pooped the pit.
- Gus!

You did.

Ah. It's true, just as I was
passing the judges' table.

So, bonus points for style?

I wish. Three things I
haven't done since that day...

Talked to Laverne, go upside
down under any circumstances,

eat huevos rancheros.

Those are the best kind of huevos!

How are we gonna get her back?

Here's the plan.

Laverne always take pictures
with fans before a show.

I want you kids to pose
as fans, then use these...

- What are those?
- Wire cutters.

I want you to go under her plane

and snip the red ignition
wire, the blue fuel line,

and whatever the black wire is.

Uh, we're not cutting anyone's wires.

Well, I can't do it!

Ever since she caught
me trying to put a banana

in her plane pipe, she
hired security guards.

That's why I need you
kids to do it for me.

What gives?! I thought
we were revenge twins.

We are, we are, but
maybe there's another way

for you to get revenge on Laverne

without her having to
emergency-land her plane,

- possibly dying.
- Can't think of one.

Why don't you just beat her

in the stunt flying
competition at the air show?

Wouldn't that be the sweetest revenge?

Yeah, do the Dice N' Slice,

and ideally without pooping the pit.

Didn't you hear me?!

I don't go upside down anymore.

- I can't fly upside down.

I can't do it.

Oh, wow. Okay.

Hey, bu-buddy...

Uh, you just need a little
help getting upside down again.

We can do that. Huh? We're kids.

We're good at going upside down.

Yeah, I'm not super
comfortable going upside down.

- Tina, just be quiet.
- Okay.

New deal... we help you get
your upside-down mojo back

and beat Laverne, you
fly our revenge banner

so we can destroy Frond.

Uh... fine.

♪ Dice, slice ♪

♪ Fold ♪

♪ Nice ♪

♪ Toss in there ♪

♪ Upside-down hair. ♪

Hello, Bob.

- Barry B. Foldin'?
- Yes, I be.

I see you have Bowfinger in your hand.

Y-Yeah. I'm-I'm
trying to choose

between Bowfinger and
Dirty Rotten Scoundrel

- for the big contest.
- Both great options.

So, Bob, what's the hold-up?

I can't decide which plane is the best.

The answer is in your hand.

- Whoa!
- It's called

"What About Bob?"

It's the best fold from
my best planes combined.

Go ahead. Fling it.

Whoa!

It's flying so far!

Aah! I got to fold! I got to fold!

Oh, wha... wha... ?

Look up.

It's a bird, it's a plane.

Just kidding. It's a plane!

Look who decided to waltz on in...

The Wind Waltzers, that's who.

Let's hear it for 'em, folks.

Where'd the kids go?

They said they were gonna go find
healthy snacks. Might take a while.

Can I sit next to you
until they come back?

Uh, that's where the plane's sitting,

-but you can sit next to the plane.
- Uh, okay.

There she is.

There you go, sweetheart.

She seems nice.

Hello, Laverne.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't Kurt. What? No banana?

He doesn't need bananas anymore.

- He's got us.
- Who are you?

I've been training with them
for the past 48 hours straight,

not counting a date I
had, which went medium.

Doesn't matter how much you
train, fella. I'm the best.

It's like Dad always said...
Training's for trains, these are planes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Dad?!

Yeah, Dad was our coach.

Laverne is your sister?

Laverne hasn't been my sister
since she stole my move.

I don't have any sisters!
But, yeah, she's my sister.

Stole your move?

You tried to steal the
Dice N' Slice from me.

Pssh! What?! Nuh-uh, liar!

Well, it's my move!

My move, and I'm taking it back.

First up in the trick
flying competition...

Kurt Enerny!

Well, good luck up there.

Try not to poop the pit.

Oh, my God, she's gonna crush me!

I can't do this!

And why did I have huevos
rancheros for breakfast today?

- Ow!
- You listen to me.

You're gonna get up in the sky

and win this trick flying competition,

then tow our banner in
front of the Spinnaker Hotel.

Today is the day for revenge!

Now squeeze your cheeks
and soar like an eagle!

He's pulling three Gs up there.

Hey, what's it feel like, Kurt?

Like my kidneys are playing patty-cake

with my intestines.

And here comes the Dice N' Slice,

made famous by another stunt pilot.

Who stole it from me!

- Here we go.
- Come on, Kurt.

Here's the intentional stall-out,

followed by the dice roll.

And here comes the slice!

He's doing it. He's upside down,

and he's not pooping.

- Probably.
- Come on, finish your revenge,

so we can have ours!

I did it! I'm back!

The Dice N' Slice belongs to me.

Uh, Kurt, you missed the ribbon, pal,

by 50, maybe 60 feet.

Oh, no! Did the judges see?

Yes, the judges saw.

They have pretty good seats.

Ah, Kurt!

Serves him right for
trying to steal my move.

I trained for months with Dad
perfecting the Dice N' Slice.

Wait. What? Kurt said their
dad taught him that move.

Now who's ready
to see the Dice N' Slice

by the best?

Put your hands together
for Laverne Enerny.

New plan. Go back to my old plan.

Well, at least you kids talked Kurt out

of doing something stupid and dangerous.

I guess, and we'll still get
our revenge on Mr. Frond, so...

Uh, what's Kurt doing?

Something stupid and dangerous!

Well, folks, uh, it looks
like the solo competition

has turned into a...
completely planned, uh,

World War I dogfight reenactment.

Who's that behind you, Laverne? It's me.

Aw. Try that again,
moron, and I'll do this.

I hate your guts so much, turd face!

Uh, World War I pilots would
often say that to each other.

Completely authentic dogfight.

Ugh! She didn't even steal
the Dice N' Slice from him,

and he didn't steal it from her.

Wait. What are you talking about, Tina?

Their dad trained them
both to do that move,

and neither of them know
it. We have to tell them.

Kind of hard to tell them that now.

They're way up there,
and we're way down here.

Stupid gravity!

You could talk to them on the radio.

Use the one in this plane.

Kurt, can you hear me?

Yes, but I'm a little busy
right now trying to knock

my sister out of the
sky. Can't wait to see

the look on your face,
Laverne, when you emergency-land

- like a dork.
- Not if you

emergency-land first, you double dork.

Stop fighting! You're both double dorks.

Why are the kids part of the air show?

- Is this for school?
- Maybe.

I mean, we never help
them with school stuff,

so we really wouldn't know.

Guys, knock it off. No one
stole the Dice N' Slice.

What do you mean, "No one
stole the Dice N' Slice"?

You both trained with
your dad to create that move.

Then he must have lied to both of you

when he said the other person stole it.

But why would he pit
us against each other?

Maybe he thought if we competed,
it would bring out our best,

like how he used to put that
one present under the tree

and make us wrestle for it.

This is crazy.

They just need to do that
thing in Mr. Frond's dumb video.

Yeah. You guys need
to try and look at it

from each other's perspective.

It's time to empathize, people.

So it really wasn't
your fault, Laverne?

No, and I guess it
wasn't your fault, either.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, too.

Oh, whoa.

And, uh, this ends, like
all good dogfights do,

with-with a good hard cry.

So the Empathize Glide actually works.

Maybe Mr. Frond is a genius?

No, no, but he probably doesn't deserve

to get destroyed by us.

Kurt, we don't want you to
fly our revenge banner anymore.

What? Oh, do... ? Oh, okay.

Only problem is, it's already en route.

See, I couldn't fly this
plane and tow the banner,

so I called in a favor.

Well, can't you just
radio him to turn around?

He doesn't have his
radio on when he flies.

He doesn't want the flight
tower yelling at him.

Why would the tower yell at him?

'Cause he doesn't have
his pilot's license.

Oh, I'm flying.

Kurt, that banner cannot fly
in front of that hotel, understand?

What am I supposed to do?

The Dice N' Slice.

Well, how's that gonna help?

Focus on the slicing part.

Oh. Yeah.

♪ Let's swap eyes so we can ♪

♪ Empathize. ♪

"Hottest cats for guidance counselors."

Oh, just a gorgeous day.

Lot of puffy clouds out here.

Aah!

Holy crap! What the
hell is going on?! Aah!

I thought we was friends.

Huh.

Your little problem has been sliced.

- All right!
- Yay! -

And we're at the halfway mark
of this totally normal air show.

So, paper airplane contestants,
you are clear for takeoff.

Okay, here we go.

Good luck, Lin.

- Oh... ow!
- Are you okay?

I don't know. Something popped.

Something popped?
I-In your throwing arm?

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Oh, my God.

You overdid it with the
olive oil can, didn't you?

Maybe.

Ugh, I guess we weren't meant
to win the washing machine.

- Bob, you shut your pretty mouth.
- Uh...

Listen to me: you're
gonna throw the airplane.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm the builder, you're the thrower.

Geez, you guys are
kind of falling apart.

Odds of Team Teddy are just
getting better by the...

Ah, crap.

Sorry, ma'am. Is your baby okay?

Come on, Bobby. You might be a hooker,

but you're a hooker
with a heart of gold.

So what if you just push

one of your wing-flappy
thingies down on one side?

Yeah, that might work.

All right.

Here goes.

Ooh. It's beautiful.

We might actually win.

And it just flew past
the washing machine.

- Damn it.
- And into the blender!

We won a blender! Yes!

- Ha, ha!
- All right!

Kids, we won a blender!

- We're rich.
- Nice. There's so many things

I've been wanting to blend.

We've just been smushing
stuff with our hands.

Smoothies at Bob's
place, everybody. Come on!

♪ Let's swap eyes ♪

♪ So we can empathize ♪

♪ Let's swap eyes ♪

♪ Over a bowl of em-pad-Thai ♪

♪ I want some noodles ♪

♪ Let's swap eyes ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ So we can empathize ♪

♪ Let's swap eyes ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Over
a bowl of em-pad-Thai. ♪