Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 21 - Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You - full transcript
The Belchers cater a wedding for a couple who fell in love at the restaurant.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
LINDA: ♪ We all go sleeping.
- BOB: Whoa.
- LINDA: Whatcha reading?
- The Internet?
- Oh, it's an article
about those doctors
that go to war zones.
What, like, for vacation?
No, for saving people.
Just makes it seem like
what we do is so trivial.
Oh, not this again.
I mean, think about it, Lin.
What we do doesn't really
make a difference to anybody.
What are you talking about?
We make good food, and good
food makes people happy.
My God, is making
burgers the dumbest thing
we could've done with our lives?
That's it, give me that.
No more screen time for you at night.
You get yourself all worked up.
Wait-Wait, don't look at
the other tabs I have open.
I mean, I mean, not mine.
Those were... pop-ups.
Oh. Oh! Look at that.
- Bobby...
- Sorry.
TEDDY: So after that, I
dreamt I was in a hot tub...
- Mm-hmm. Mm. -
... and then I woke up,
and I was in a cold sweat.
You ever have that one?
- Nuh, uh, yeah, I think.
- Okay. I'm coming clean.
I didn't really dream that.
But can you imagine how
weird that would be if I did?
Hey, you guys need a hand over there?
- LINDA: No.
- TINA: We're good.
- GENE: No thanks.
- LOUISE: You stay there and chat.
Oh, thank God.
Uh, welcome to Bob's Burgers.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, do-do you remember us?
I-I do... not, I'm sorry.
Oh, well, I'm Connor Coloroso.
And this is Farrah.
- Hello.
- And we had our very first date
here about three months ago.
Oh, uh, good.
Happy anniversary.
It's a funny story,
actually. How we met.
We got into a fender-bender
down by Wonder Wharf.
Speed Racer here clipped my
bumper when I was parking.
It's true, Your Honor.
And after we exchanged information,
we decided to walk over here for lunch.
And I've been clipping
her bumper ever since.
- TINA: Aw.
- BOB: Hm.
- That's fun.
- Well...
what can we get for you new lovebirds?
A couple of burgers?
Uh, actually, we came to tell you...
We're engaged!
- BOB: Uh... that's great.
- LINDA: Congratulations.
LOUISE: I always knew you
two would make it work.
Let's see that rock, girl.
Sorry, I heard someone say that on TV.
I-Is it offensive?
We have a big question to ask you,
and we really hope you say yes.
Will you cater our wedding?
Us? Cater your wedding?
Don't take this the wrong way,
but don't you want
your wedding to be nice?
'Course. But we're not
really into the whole
traditional wedding thing, you know?
- Yeah.
- I mean, we'd love to,
but we're not really set
up for catering, per Se.
- Or very good at it.
- Right.
And we sometimes use our kids,
which you probably might not want.
- What? We're great.
- Oh, no, no, no,
we definitely want the kids as well.
Yeah, they brought us our
burgers on that first date.
I have chills. Chills.
You should name your first
baby The Belcher Children.
We really want this to happen.
Something that's meaningful to us,
instead of, like, a
random caterer, you know,
with their chicken or their salmon.
That-That is kind of touching.
It'll be for about 50 people.
W-We could handle that.
And we're having the
wedding by the water,
just outside of Bog Harbor.
Oh, o-outdoors?
Uh, I guess we could
borrow a couple of coolers
and rent a gas grill.
Sure you can. They
could cater your wedding
if it was in a ditch by the highway.
Hey, that's my wedding
spot! Don't give it away.
So, when's the big day?
A week from Saturday.
- Huh? - What? A-A
week from Saturday?
That's not a lot of time to prep.
We're both just really excited,
and we don't wanna wait.
Right. What's the point of waiting?
Nobody gets better
looking, huh? Right, Dad?
- Louise.
- Sorry.
Oh. So romantic.
You know what, Connor,
Farrah, let's do it.
- Great!
- Yes! Thank you guys so much.
We'll call you with all the details.
- Sounds great.
- Bye!
- They're never gonna make it.
- What?
Y-You just said how romantic this is.
What else am I gonna
say in front of them?
- What do you have against love?
- Nothing!
How am I excited about
this and you're not?
You love weddings. You
love all this stuff.
It's just... three
months isn't enough time.
People should live together
for at least 20 years.
Uh, wait, what? 20 years?
Okay, fine. But-But three months?
You haven't been in a fight
yet. And if you did, it was cute.
You haven't even smelled
each other's farts.
You're still holding them in.
You farted on our second date.
Because I knew you were the one.
Sitting on my lap. Just for the record.
You loved it.
If that's all it takes,
I'm married to Dad, too.
And to a bunch of people.
My point is, we didn't get married
three months after that fart.
Well, I think this is great.
The rest of us are excited
for this couple, right, kids?
- TINA: Hell yeah.
- GENE: Meh.
LOUISE: No, I'm nine.
I mean, our burgers brought
those people together.
It's kind of beautiful.
Bob, you're like a greasy
Cupid. Do me, do me next.
I've been trying for a long time, Teddy.
Now come on, everybody,
hands in the middle.
One, two, three... best wedding ever!
No one said it. What happened?
You didn't tell us what to say.
Sorry. "Best wedding ever" on three.
Nah, the moment's passed.
I'll do it with you, Bob.
What? You're against this wedding.
I know, but I like to chant.
It's true. I got her to chant,
"herpes, herpes, hooray" once.
Oh, yeah, let's do that one again.
ALL EXCEPT BOB: Herpes, herpes, hooray!
Oh, my God.
Okay, this might be the
most important day
in our restaurant's history.
Our food helped make
this wedding possible,
and now it's gonna make it a success.
If the marriage tanks,
is that our food's fault?
I blame the buns.
You can't blame our food if
this marriage doesn't work.
They're the ones rushing into this.
The marriage is gonna work, Lin.
Carter and Farrah have a
love that burns brighter
than any of us can comprehend.
- Connor.
- What?
- It's Connor.
- Who is Connor?
- Carter is Connor.
- Oh. Right. Connor.
Anyway, the grill has a grease
trap that needs to be cleaned
before I return it,
and since I'm gonna do
most of the work today, I
don't think it should be me.
- Not it! - Not it!
- Not it!
One of you kids is doing it.
I'm not greasing up
these gorgeous hands.
We'll figure something out.
(coughs) Gene will do it.
- Bless you.
- Whoa.
Pretty windy out here.
It's almost as if God is whispering,
"Three months is not long enough."
Say it, don't spray it, God.
Linda, shh. Here they come.
- Nothing!
- Hey guys! Look at you.
Thank you.
I - I just said "look at you."
I - I didn't...
Sorry, I-I'm nervous.
So, I know you said that
whatever I came up with
for the burger of the day would
be fine, but I hope you like
what I landed on... The
"Ring-Gruyère-er" Burger.
- Like ring bearer.
- Yeah.
It has Gruyère cheese
and an onion ring on it.
Oh, my God, I love it!
And it comes with a side of Farro salad.
Get it? Like Farrah, but Farro.
- Wow.
- Amazing.
Farro, Farrah. Oh, yeah.
And I figured we'd cook over here.
I don't want to get
in the way of your crew
while you're setting up.
Oh, that's not a crew, Bob.
Those are all wedding guests.
We're having a very
do-it-yourself wedding.
Oh, people love those.
It's DIY, but, you know,
we have the important
stuff taken care of.
Your burgers and
Farrah's grandma's cake.
Grandma couldn't make the
trip, but she baked her famous
red velvet cake with cream
cheese frosting for us.
My cousin drove it all
the way here from Atlanta.
The lost city of Atlanta?!
But the cream cheese frosting
needs to be refrigerated.
Can we put it in one of your coolers?
I guess we could, um,
yeah, make some room. Sure.
Also, uh, you're looking a
little shorthanded out there.
Y-You wanna borrow my
kids to help set up?
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
Would it, though?
Kids, go be helpful.
I'll try, but geez, I'm not
so good with this stuff. Whoa!
- Louise!
- Ugh, fine.
This isn't what we signed up for.
Right? We were just supposed to
hand Dad lettuce and stuff.
Now we're chair monkeys?
It's not so hard.
We're just taking chairs
and lining them up in rows. Oh, boy.
I like posing for pictures
more than most people,
but you're really going to town.
Sorry, it's just everyone
loves kids in wedding pictures.
That's why child weddings
used to be so popular.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Nah-huh, uh-huh.
Okay, that ought to do it though, right?
(chuckles nervously) There's
gotta be some other kids
around here you can photograph.
A flower girl or a tuxedo
baby or something...
Nope! Uh, do you guys want
me to jingle my keys for you?
Huh? Are you too old for that?
- Uh, give 'em a jingle.
- Jingle-jangle.
- Ooh, yup, I love it.
- Jingle-jangle.
(indistinct chatter)
Wow, this cake is pretty big.
Yeah, it's a wedding cake. They're big.
That's their job... that's
the one thing they have to be.
I think I can squeeze this in here.
Oh... thank God. It fits.
(sighs) We're doing everything.
Now we're cooling the cake.
Those dum-dum's didn't
think anything through...
- Hello!
- Hey, you!
Uh, good news. Uh, the cake
fits in the cooler, no problem.
- I did it. Linda did nothing.
- Hey.
So, the ceremony's gonna
begin in a little bit.
Is it possible you guys
could join us? As guests?
It would mean so much to us.
I-I mean if you can
swing it, time-wise.
Oh, uh, yes, we would love to.
Uh, thank you.
Great. See you out there.
Wow. Has anyone ever been a caterer
and a guest at the same wedding?
- Are we pioneers?
- (gasps)
No one's ever dreamed that big, I guess.
I'm going to pretend
that you're being sincere
and that we are pioneers.
And... we're done.
Someone's rows got pretty
good there near the end.
Mine. My rows.
What are those people doing?
Oh, they're putting
something under every seat.
Oprah much?
So, uh, what's in the box?
Oh, no-no-no, don't
open those, kids.
It's a surprise for during the wedding.
Ooh, you had me at "surprise
for during the wedding."
I just said it, though.
Yeah, and that's where you had me.
You've lost me now.
Oh no,
no-no-no, the...
the photo of them river rafting.
(moans)
("Pachelbel's Canon" playing)
(phone buzzing)
- Hello?
- Bob, it's Teddy.
(quietly) Oh, why'd I pick up?
How's the wedding going?
You have everything all set?
Yeah, we had to hurry
through prep because
they invited us to attend the ceremony.
- Wow.
- Which I think is, uh,
about to start, so I gotta...
Hold on, hold on. I
wrote a toast for you.
Just in case they ask. They
might not ask, but they...
Teddy, I'm not gonna
be asked to do a toast.
- ... you wanna be ready.
- I'm hanging up now.
"As a burger man, I can
tell you every romance
has its share of pickles and beefs."
I, uh, did you Ge...
Welcome to Connor and Farrah's wedding.
Before we begin, the
bride and groom asked
that I thank everyone
who chipped in today.
Your help is as personal to
them as their childhood blankets,
which adorn the wedding arch.
Farrah called hers Frankie.
"Frankie the Blankie."
We were allowed to bring
our blankies to this thing?
Now, if you will please rise.
- ("Bridal March" playing)
- (guests ooh and ahh)
Are you crying already?
It's just... this is
all because of our food.
They'll be telling their
grandchildren about us.
(wind gusting) Ooh, oh, geez, this wind!
When Connor and Farrah asked
me to... (wind breaks up audio)
... all right, but the only
shoes I have are sandals...
We'll have to wait for my
fungal infection to clear up...
(audio out)
... Sammy Davis, Jr.
- BOB: Uh-oh.
- LOUISE: Yeah.
Who would've guessed a
big piece of poster board
would keep blowing away?
I told you. This is what happens
when you rush into a
wedding. Oh, my face!
(wind gusting)
Is that guy flashing the officiant?
No, Tina, he's trying to block
the wind from the microphone.
The bride and groom
have a special surprise
that they feel symbolizes their love.
If you would all look
under your seats...
Finally.
OFFICIANT: I'm going to count to three,
and we'll open our boxes together.
One, two, three.
A dead butterfly?
That's what I got, too.
Mine looks okay.
Oh, no, dead.
Oh, my God.
A beautiful cloud of
butterflies to symbolize...
Oh, uh, anyone get a live one?
Okay, well, let's see if we can
get them to fly at the same time.
Everyone, just toss your
dead butterfly into the air
and they'll look alive.
One, two, three.
- (wind gusts)
- BOB: Oh, God.
They can swim, probably, right?
Maybe the live ones can
float on the dead ones?
And now, the bride and groom
have written their own vows,
which they will read to one another.
Farrah, the Oxford English
Dictionary define...
(microphone distortion)
I can't hear.
The P.A. cut out.
- FARRAH: Frankie!
- Oh, no.
Looks like Frankie's
going to Hollywood.
Okay, that was, uh,
well, uh, we all saw it.
It-it didn't go well.
It was bad.
- Yeah.
- Really bad.
Wait, that was the wedding?
Yes. Which is why
we have to make this
the best reception ever.
Our food is what brought them together,
and now it's the only thing
that can possibly save this day.
Don't put so much
pressure on yourself, Bob.
Yeah, cut yourself some slack, B-dawg.
Uh, the "B" stands
for "Bob." That's you.
- Can I not be B-dawg?
- Sleep on it?
Anyway, we just need to stay focused
and make sure everything goes perfectly.
- The wind blew out the grill.
- Damn it!
Bob, calm down.
Let's just move the
grill behind the car.
Right, right, right, of course.
(quietly): B-dawg's freaking out.
Okay, it seems to be staying lit.
Uh, your mom and I will man the grill,
you guys form an assembly
line with the meat,
Gruyère and onion rings.
And I need everyone focused.
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
We're onion accessorizing.
- We're fancy.
- You know what? Forget it.
You guys go do something
far away from here.
Your mom and I will take care of this.
Let's go before they
change their minds, huh?
(sighs) Okay, Bob, you can do this.
♪ This wedding is my war zone
♪ And I'm the doctor in it
♪ I've got to save
their special day ♪
♪ Got to cater it to the limit
♪ Something so important
♪ Our burgers were their Cupid
♪ Got to give Farrah
and what's-his-name ♪
♪ A perfect reception
♪ To prove my job's not stupid
♪ So do I take this meat
to grill just right ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ Take this cheese to
melt on top so nice ♪
- ♪ I do... ♪
- ♪ Bob, this isn't on you ♪
♪ That ceremony was upsetting ♪
♪ The way those two
rushed into this ♪
♪ You'd think it was
a shotgun wedding ♪
♪ But do I take these buns
to have and hold, I do ♪
♪ All you can do is
do your best-est ♪
♪ Toast them perfect, so
their love grows old, I do ♪
♪ They are a couple of hot messes ♪
♪ And do I swear that I
won't screw this up, I do ♪
♪ Bob, you're crazy ♪
♪ And do I need this
more than anything ♪
♪ Do I think you've
lost your mind on this ♪
♪ I do. ♪
Bored.
Hey, you want to see who
can get in the most pictures?
How will we know who gets
in the most? Honor system?
Honor? No. We'll, uh, look at his camera
after the thing and count them up.
What are we playing for? Pink slips?
Let's say whoever gets in
the least amount of pictures
is the loser and has to clean
the grease trap on the grill.
Deal. I got this wrapped up.
There's a reason they
call it photo-Gene-ic.
I'm in, too. Your butts
are about to get shuts down.
♪
♪ Snap, snap
♪ Grease trap
♪ Snap, snap, grease trap
- ♪ Snap, snap, grease trap
- (fake laughing)
Ha...
- Oh, God, where is it?
- What?
We're missing, like,
20 slices of Gruyère.
If we can't find it, the burger
of the day won't make sense
and dinner will be just one
more thing that went wrong today.
I can't let this happen.
Take a deep breath, Bob.
The burgers will be
delicious either way.
And you're not responsible for
anything that happened today.
We're responsible for
them getting married, Lin.
We're responsible for all of this.
Just because we brought
these two together in some way
doesn't mean it's our
fault that they had
a poorly planned wedding
during a windstorm.
Cheese, where are you?
I mean, their relationship
started with a car accident,
and now it's a train wreck.
- Hi, hello.
- Not helping, Lin.
My point is nothing bad that's
happened today is your fault.
Found it!
Oh... Oh, God. Uh... uh!
(shouts)
- No!
- Okay, that one's your fault.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Should we leave? The car's right here.
Should we just leave? We'll just go.
- (groans)
- They'll send the kids home.
BOB: I killed it. It's ruined.
T-This is Grandma's special cake.
The second most important
thing after the burgers.
- Probably more important.
- Lin!
You're right, it doesn't matter.
- Okay, we got to tell them.
- No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
W-We have to fix it.
W-We have to try and reshape it.
If it gets dark enough, right?
No one will notice.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I've ruined their whole wedding.
No, no, Bob, I'll do it.
You cook, and I'll try to reshape it.
I've eaten a lot of cake in my life,
so, uh, hopefully, I
can do it from memory.
Mm. Oh, it's good.
- Lin. Don't...
- Bob, let me work.
Ah. Pretty sure I got
this one locked up.
That grease trap has
one of your names on it.
Dream on, sister. I've been in,
like, every picture he's taken.
- (camera shutter clicks)
- Um, except that one.
Okay, then. You guys want to end it now?
- Should we could them up?
- Fine with me.
I'll call you Rizzo and you Frenchy,
'cause you're about to be in grease.
Shut your cheese flaps and get
ready to clean that grease trap.
Hey, clicky fingers. Clicky.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Uh, you guys almost done?
I-I really should be
still taking photos.
Shh, shh, shh. You're
making me lose count.
Not looking good for you, Gene.
So far, Tina has the most pictures,
and I have one more than you.
I thought the camera loved me.
PHOTOGRAPHER: That's it.
We're back to the first picture
I took today,
that's-that's all of them.
- Ha! Gene loses.
- Wait, I'm in that picture.
What? Where?
GENE: I'm reflected in her sunglasses.
I was trying to get her
attention because I thought
she was Helen Mirren.
Wait a second, that's not Helen Mirren?
GENE: Look, I'm in there twice.
I don't lose, Louise does.
- No!
- Yes.
(sighs) I got to call my mom
and tell her I didn't meet Helen Mirren.
Well, I won, as predicted.
I shutted your butts.
Should we go back and see how
much grease you have to clean?
- You shut your butt.
- You shut your butt.
- No, you shut your butt!
- My butt is shut.
Mine's wide open!
- (indistinct chatter)
- MAN: Mmm, mmm.
These burgers are amazing.
Hey, save room for
Farrah's grandma's cake.
- It is going to blow your mind.
- Really?
But cake's cake. Y-You've
had one, you've had 'em all.
Sometimes, you don't even want
something sweet after a meal.
Am I right?
(chuckling): I mean,
it's sometimes too much.
(stifled laugh) Bob,
come on, you're too much.
(laughs) Let's get to that cake cutting.
(chanting): Cake, cake, cake, cake!
ALL (chanting): Cake! Cake! Cake!
LINDA (chanting): Cake! Cake!
Lin, I thought you were fixing the cake.
Sorry, you know I can't resist a chant.
(sighs) Well, go back and fix it.
Right. Right, right, right.
Oh, God.
Uh, okay!
Here's the cake.
ALL: Ooh.
Okay, Linda, uh, bring
it into the light.
W-We want to take a picture.
No, I'm good.
Linda, come on.
Okay.
(chuckles) Y-You're going backwards.
- You're going backwards.
- Um...
Just kidding. Ha.
Here I come.
- Oh, dear Lord.
- Oh. Oh, no.
What-what happened to Grandma's cake?
What do you mean?
Um, it's all smushed.
What? No, that's how it looks.
It's, uh, Grandma made it like that.
You know.
She's so old.
(laughs) Uh, t-this is a-a joke, right?
I mean, now you'll bring
out the real cake? Ha, ha?
No. Listen, Farrah, Carter...
- Connor.
- Connor.
I-I'm sorry.
I-I got myself worked up
trying to make everything
perfect for tonight,
especially after literally
everything went wrong today,
so I was rushing around
and I fell on your cake.
(crying): Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Everything did go wrong today.
I keep telling myself it was all okay,
just one thing, here or
there, but it isn't okay.
The wind blew everything everywhere.
I lost my baby blanket that I
was gonna give to my children.
Poor little baby,
The Belcher Children.
Louise.
And now Grandma's cake is ruined.
Is this just one big omen?
(stammers) Of course not.
We're-We're gonna be okay.
- But what if we aren't?
- (microphone distortion)
Farrah, I'm so glad
you brought that up.
Oh, God.
Look. When you first told
me you were getting married
after three months,
I thought you were
bananas in the tailpipe.
I thought it was too short.
You haven't smelled each other's farts.
You haven't been through enough
bad stuff together, I thought.
But today, you really packed it in.
The universe cut a big
fart all over your wedding.
And also someone clogged up
the Porta potty, which is hard.
Yeah, someone.
It was like that when I got there.
Anyway, most people would
have cracked earlier,
but you let it all roll off your back.
And then my extremely passionate husband
fell on your grandma's
cake and broke you.
"Broke" is a little...
But looking at you now,
can I tell you something?
I guarantee you two are gonna make it.
(sniffles) We are?
Yeah. You are.
The way you handled
everything today shows
how all you really care
about is each other.
And you know what else?
The cake doesn't look great,
but I bet it still tastes great.
There's no dirt in it or anything,
just pretend like you already chewed it!
Mmm, mmm! Oh, it's
delicious, Grandma. (laughs)
If you don't look at it, it's fine.
Just like you guys.
Wait, what does that mean?
Oh! No, I mean...
Not... not that! I didn't mean that.
But you do have mascara
running down your face
like a crazy clown, I'm sorry.
- My crazy clown.
- (sniffles)
Oh, you.
Now, let's try some cake, huh?
Oh, oh... Mm, it's really falling apart.
(laughs) Also, I was wrong.
There is a little dirt
in it, and a salad fork.
I lost that in there when
I was trying to reshape it,
so look out for that. Enjoy.
Who is this woman?
I'm the caterer, ma'am.
The caterer.
BOB: Linda, what you
said before was beautiful.
I-I think you saved the wedding.
No, we saved the wedding, Bob.
We made this wedding.
Take that, doctors in war zones.
Yeah. I mean, they do good stuff, too.
But not everyone can make burgers.
Hey! It's Frankie!
TINA: Talk about a wet blanket.
- Get it? - Too soon.
- Oh, God.
What?
Ugh, there's a dead
butterfly in the cake.
- (gagging)
- Does it taste like butter?
If the answer is no, lie to me.
Oh, it's just a leaf.
Mmm, it's good.
Oh, oh... (gagging)
♪ This wedding is my war zone ♪
♪ And I'm the doctor in it ♪
♪ I've got to save
their special day ♪
♪ Got to cater it to the limit ♪
♪ But do I take these
buns to have and hold ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ All you can do is
do your best-est ♪
♪ Toast 'em perfect so
their love grows old ♪
- ♪ I do ♪
- ♪ They are a couple of hot messes ♪
♪ And do I swear that
I won't screw this up ♪
♪ I do ♪
- ♪ Bob, you're crazy ♪
♪ And do I need this
more than anything ♪
♪ Do I think you've
lost your mind on this ♪
LINDA and BOB: ♪ I... ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
LINDA: ♪ We all go sleeping.
- BOB: Whoa.
- LINDA: Whatcha reading?
- The Internet?
- Oh, it's an article
about those doctors
that go to war zones.
What, like, for vacation?
No, for saving people.
Just makes it seem like
what we do is so trivial.
Oh, not this again.
I mean, think about it, Lin.
What we do doesn't really
make a difference to anybody.
What are you talking about?
We make good food, and good
food makes people happy.
My God, is making
burgers the dumbest thing
we could've done with our lives?
That's it, give me that.
No more screen time for you at night.
You get yourself all worked up.
Wait-Wait, don't look at
the other tabs I have open.
I mean, I mean, not mine.
Those were... pop-ups.
Oh. Oh! Look at that.
- Bobby...
- Sorry.
TEDDY: So after that, I
dreamt I was in a hot tub...
- Mm-hmm. Mm. -
... and then I woke up,
and I was in a cold sweat.
You ever have that one?
- Nuh, uh, yeah, I think.
- Okay. I'm coming clean.
I didn't really dream that.
But can you imagine how
weird that would be if I did?
Hey, you guys need a hand over there?
- LINDA: No.
- TINA: We're good.
- GENE: No thanks.
- LOUISE: You stay there and chat.
Oh, thank God.
Uh, welcome to Bob's Burgers.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, do-do you remember us?
I-I do... not, I'm sorry.
Oh, well, I'm Connor Coloroso.
And this is Farrah.
- Hello.
- And we had our very first date
here about three months ago.
Oh, uh, good.
Happy anniversary.
It's a funny story,
actually. How we met.
We got into a fender-bender
down by Wonder Wharf.
Speed Racer here clipped my
bumper when I was parking.
It's true, Your Honor.
And after we exchanged information,
we decided to walk over here for lunch.
And I've been clipping
her bumper ever since.
- TINA: Aw.
- BOB: Hm.
- That's fun.
- Well...
what can we get for you new lovebirds?
A couple of burgers?
Uh, actually, we came to tell you...
We're engaged!
- BOB: Uh... that's great.
- LINDA: Congratulations.
LOUISE: I always knew you
two would make it work.
Let's see that rock, girl.
Sorry, I heard someone say that on TV.
I-Is it offensive?
We have a big question to ask you,
and we really hope you say yes.
Will you cater our wedding?
Us? Cater your wedding?
Don't take this the wrong way,
but don't you want
your wedding to be nice?
'Course. But we're not
really into the whole
traditional wedding thing, you know?
- Yeah.
- I mean, we'd love to,
but we're not really set
up for catering, per Se.
- Or very good at it.
- Right.
And we sometimes use our kids,
which you probably might not want.
- What? We're great.
- Oh, no, no, no,
we definitely want the kids as well.
Yeah, they brought us our
burgers on that first date.
I have chills. Chills.
You should name your first
baby The Belcher Children.
We really want this to happen.
Something that's meaningful to us,
instead of, like, a
random caterer, you know,
with their chicken or their salmon.
That-That is kind of touching.
It'll be for about 50 people.
W-We could handle that.
And we're having the
wedding by the water,
just outside of Bog Harbor.
Oh, o-outdoors?
Uh, I guess we could
borrow a couple of coolers
and rent a gas grill.
Sure you can. They
could cater your wedding
if it was in a ditch by the highway.
Hey, that's my wedding
spot! Don't give it away.
So, when's the big day?
A week from Saturday.
- Huh? - What? A-A
week from Saturday?
That's not a lot of time to prep.
We're both just really excited,
and we don't wanna wait.
Right. What's the point of waiting?
Nobody gets better
looking, huh? Right, Dad?
- Louise.
- Sorry.
Oh. So romantic.
You know what, Connor,
Farrah, let's do it.
- Great!
- Yes! Thank you guys so much.
We'll call you with all the details.
- Sounds great.
- Bye!
- They're never gonna make it.
- What?
Y-You just said how romantic this is.
What else am I gonna
say in front of them?
- What do you have against love?
- Nothing!
How am I excited about
this and you're not?
You love weddings. You
love all this stuff.
It's just... three
months isn't enough time.
People should live together
for at least 20 years.
Uh, wait, what? 20 years?
Okay, fine. But-But three months?
You haven't been in a fight
yet. And if you did, it was cute.
You haven't even smelled
each other's farts.
You're still holding them in.
You farted on our second date.
Because I knew you were the one.
Sitting on my lap. Just for the record.
You loved it.
If that's all it takes,
I'm married to Dad, too.
And to a bunch of people.
My point is, we didn't get married
three months after that fart.
Well, I think this is great.
The rest of us are excited
for this couple, right, kids?
- TINA: Hell yeah.
- GENE: Meh.
LOUISE: No, I'm nine.
I mean, our burgers brought
those people together.
It's kind of beautiful.
Bob, you're like a greasy
Cupid. Do me, do me next.
I've been trying for a long time, Teddy.
Now come on, everybody,
hands in the middle.
One, two, three... best wedding ever!
No one said it. What happened?
You didn't tell us what to say.
Sorry. "Best wedding ever" on three.
Nah, the moment's passed.
I'll do it with you, Bob.
What? You're against this wedding.
I know, but I like to chant.
It's true. I got her to chant,
"herpes, herpes, hooray" once.
Oh, yeah, let's do that one again.
ALL EXCEPT BOB: Herpes, herpes, hooray!
Oh, my God.
Okay, this might be the
most important day
in our restaurant's history.
Our food helped make
this wedding possible,
and now it's gonna make it a success.
If the marriage tanks,
is that our food's fault?
I blame the buns.
You can't blame our food if
this marriage doesn't work.
They're the ones rushing into this.
The marriage is gonna work, Lin.
Carter and Farrah have a
love that burns brighter
than any of us can comprehend.
- Connor.
- What?
- It's Connor.
- Who is Connor?
- Carter is Connor.
- Oh. Right. Connor.
Anyway, the grill has a grease
trap that needs to be cleaned
before I return it,
and since I'm gonna do
most of the work today, I
don't think it should be me.
- Not it! - Not it!
- Not it!
One of you kids is doing it.
I'm not greasing up
these gorgeous hands.
We'll figure something out.
(coughs) Gene will do it.
- Bless you.
- Whoa.
Pretty windy out here.
It's almost as if God is whispering,
"Three months is not long enough."
Say it, don't spray it, God.
Linda, shh. Here they come.
- Nothing!
- Hey guys! Look at you.
Thank you.
I - I just said "look at you."
I - I didn't...
Sorry, I-I'm nervous.
So, I know you said that
whatever I came up with
for the burger of the day would
be fine, but I hope you like
what I landed on... The
"Ring-Gruyère-er" Burger.
- Like ring bearer.
- Yeah.
It has Gruyère cheese
and an onion ring on it.
Oh, my God, I love it!
And it comes with a side of Farro salad.
Get it? Like Farrah, but Farro.
- Wow.
- Amazing.
Farro, Farrah. Oh, yeah.
And I figured we'd cook over here.
I don't want to get
in the way of your crew
while you're setting up.
Oh, that's not a crew, Bob.
Those are all wedding guests.
We're having a very
do-it-yourself wedding.
Oh, people love those.
It's DIY, but, you know,
we have the important
stuff taken care of.
Your burgers and
Farrah's grandma's cake.
Grandma couldn't make the
trip, but she baked her famous
red velvet cake with cream
cheese frosting for us.
My cousin drove it all
the way here from Atlanta.
The lost city of Atlanta?!
But the cream cheese frosting
needs to be refrigerated.
Can we put it in one of your coolers?
I guess we could, um,
yeah, make some room. Sure.
Also, uh, you're looking a
little shorthanded out there.
Y-You wanna borrow my
kids to help set up?
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.
Would it, though?
Kids, go be helpful.
I'll try, but geez, I'm not
so good with this stuff. Whoa!
- Louise!
- Ugh, fine.
This isn't what we signed up for.
Right? We were just supposed to
hand Dad lettuce and stuff.
Now we're chair monkeys?
It's not so hard.
We're just taking chairs
and lining them up in rows. Oh, boy.
I like posing for pictures
more than most people,
but you're really going to town.
Sorry, it's just everyone
loves kids in wedding pictures.
That's why child weddings
used to be so popular.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Nah-huh, uh-huh.
Okay, that ought to do it though, right?
(chuckles nervously) There's
gotta be some other kids
around here you can photograph.
A flower girl or a tuxedo
baby or something...
Nope! Uh, do you guys want
me to jingle my keys for you?
Huh? Are you too old for that?
- Uh, give 'em a jingle.
- Jingle-jangle.
- Ooh, yup, I love it.
- Jingle-jangle.
(indistinct chatter)
Wow, this cake is pretty big.
Yeah, it's a wedding cake. They're big.
That's their job... that's
the one thing they have to be.
I think I can squeeze this in here.
Oh... thank God. It fits.
(sighs) We're doing everything.
Now we're cooling the cake.
Those dum-dum's didn't
think anything through...
- Hello!
- Hey, you!
Uh, good news. Uh, the cake
fits in the cooler, no problem.
- I did it. Linda did nothing.
- Hey.
So, the ceremony's gonna
begin in a little bit.
Is it possible you guys
could join us? As guests?
It would mean so much to us.
I-I mean if you can
swing it, time-wise.
Oh, uh, yes, we would love to.
Uh, thank you.
Great. See you out there.
Wow. Has anyone ever been a caterer
and a guest at the same wedding?
- Are we pioneers?
- (gasps)
No one's ever dreamed that big, I guess.
I'm going to pretend
that you're being sincere
and that we are pioneers.
And... we're done.
Someone's rows got pretty
good there near the end.
Mine. My rows.
What are those people doing?
Oh, they're putting
something under every seat.
Oprah much?
So, uh, what's in the box?
Oh, no-no-no, don't
open those, kids.
It's a surprise for during the wedding.
Ooh, you had me at "surprise
for during the wedding."
I just said it, though.
Yeah, and that's where you had me.
You've lost me now.
Oh no,
no-no-no, the...
the photo of them river rafting.
(moans)
("Pachelbel's Canon" playing)
(phone buzzing)
- Hello?
- Bob, it's Teddy.
(quietly) Oh, why'd I pick up?
How's the wedding going?
You have everything all set?
Yeah, we had to hurry
through prep because
they invited us to attend the ceremony.
- Wow.
- Which I think is, uh,
about to start, so I gotta...
Hold on, hold on. I
wrote a toast for you.
Just in case they ask. They
might not ask, but they...
Teddy, I'm not gonna
be asked to do a toast.
- ... you wanna be ready.
- I'm hanging up now.
"As a burger man, I can
tell you every romance
has its share of pickles and beefs."
I, uh, did you Ge...
Welcome to Connor and Farrah's wedding.
Before we begin, the
bride and groom asked
that I thank everyone
who chipped in today.
Your help is as personal to
them as their childhood blankets,
which adorn the wedding arch.
Farrah called hers Frankie.
"Frankie the Blankie."
We were allowed to bring
our blankies to this thing?
Now, if you will please rise.
- ("Bridal March" playing)
- (guests ooh and ahh)
Are you crying already?
It's just... this is
all because of our food.
They'll be telling their
grandchildren about us.
(wind gusting) Ooh, oh, geez, this wind!
When Connor and Farrah asked
me to... (wind breaks up audio)
... all right, but the only
shoes I have are sandals...
We'll have to wait for my
fungal infection to clear up...
(audio out)
... Sammy Davis, Jr.
- BOB: Uh-oh.
- LOUISE: Yeah.
Who would've guessed a
big piece of poster board
would keep blowing away?
I told you. This is what happens
when you rush into a
wedding. Oh, my face!
(wind gusting)
Is that guy flashing the officiant?
No, Tina, he's trying to block
the wind from the microphone.
The bride and groom
have a special surprise
that they feel symbolizes their love.
If you would all look
under your seats...
Finally.
OFFICIANT: I'm going to count to three,
and we'll open our boxes together.
One, two, three.
A dead butterfly?
That's what I got, too.
Mine looks okay.
Oh, no, dead.
Oh, my God.
A beautiful cloud of
butterflies to symbolize...
Oh, uh, anyone get a live one?
Okay, well, let's see if we can
get them to fly at the same time.
Everyone, just toss your
dead butterfly into the air
and they'll look alive.
One, two, three.
- (wind gusts)
- BOB: Oh, God.
They can swim, probably, right?
Maybe the live ones can
float on the dead ones?
And now, the bride and groom
have written their own vows,
which they will read to one another.
Farrah, the Oxford English
Dictionary define...
(microphone distortion)
I can't hear.
The P.A. cut out.
- FARRAH: Frankie!
- Oh, no.
Looks like Frankie's
going to Hollywood.
Okay, that was, uh,
well, uh, we all saw it.
It-it didn't go well.
It was bad.
- Yeah.
- Really bad.
Wait, that was the wedding?
Yes. Which is why
we have to make this
the best reception ever.
Our food is what brought them together,
and now it's the only thing
that can possibly save this day.
Don't put so much
pressure on yourself, Bob.
Yeah, cut yourself some slack, B-dawg.
Uh, the "B" stands
for "Bob." That's you.
- Can I not be B-dawg?
- Sleep on it?
Anyway, we just need to stay focused
and make sure everything goes perfectly.
- The wind blew out the grill.
- Damn it!
Bob, calm down.
Let's just move the
grill behind the car.
Right, right, right, of course.
(quietly): B-dawg's freaking out.
Okay, it seems to be staying lit.
Uh, your mom and I will man the grill,
you guys form an assembly
line with the meat,
Gruyère and onion rings.
And I need everyone focused.
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
We're onion accessorizing.
- We're fancy.
- You know what? Forget it.
You guys go do something
far away from here.
Your mom and I will take care of this.
Let's go before they
change their minds, huh?
(sighs) Okay, Bob, you can do this.
♪ This wedding is my war zone
♪ And I'm the doctor in it
♪ I've got to save
their special day ♪
♪ Got to cater it to the limit
♪ Something so important
♪ Our burgers were their Cupid
♪ Got to give Farrah
and what's-his-name ♪
♪ A perfect reception
♪ To prove my job's not stupid
♪ So do I take this meat
to grill just right ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ Take this cheese to
melt on top so nice ♪
- ♪ I do... ♪
- ♪ Bob, this isn't on you ♪
♪ That ceremony was upsetting ♪
♪ The way those two
rushed into this ♪
♪ You'd think it was
a shotgun wedding ♪
♪ But do I take these buns
to have and hold, I do ♪
♪ All you can do is
do your best-est ♪
♪ Toast them perfect, so
their love grows old, I do ♪
♪ They are a couple of hot messes ♪
♪ And do I swear that I
won't screw this up, I do ♪
♪ Bob, you're crazy ♪
♪ And do I need this
more than anything ♪
♪ Do I think you've
lost your mind on this ♪
♪ I do. ♪
Bored.
Hey, you want to see who
can get in the most pictures?
How will we know who gets
in the most? Honor system?
Honor? No. We'll, uh, look at his camera
after the thing and count them up.
What are we playing for? Pink slips?
Let's say whoever gets in
the least amount of pictures
is the loser and has to clean
the grease trap on the grill.
Deal. I got this wrapped up.
There's a reason they
call it photo-Gene-ic.
I'm in, too. Your butts
are about to get shuts down.
♪
♪ Snap, snap
♪ Grease trap
♪ Snap, snap, grease trap
- ♪ Snap, snap, grease trap
- (fake laughing)
Ha...
- Oh, God, where is it?
- What?
We're missing, like,
20 slices of Gruyère.
If we can't find it, the burger
of the day won't make sense
and dinner will be just one
more thing that went wrong today.
I can't let this happen.
Take a deep breath, Bob.
The burgers will be
delicious either way.
And you're not responsible for
anything that happened today.
We're responsible for
them getting married, Lin.
We're responsible for all of this.
Just because we brought
these two together in some way
doesn't mean it's our
fault that they had
a poorly planned wedding
during a windstorm.
Cheese, where are you?
I mean, their relationship
started with a car accident,
and now it's a train wreck.
- Hi, hello.
- Not helping, Lin.
My point is nothing bad that's
happened today is your fault.
Found it!
Oh... Oh, God. Uh... uh!
(shouts)
- No!
- Okay, that one's your fault.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
- Should we leave? The car's right here.
Should we just leave? We'll just go.
- (groans)
- They'll send the kids home.
BOB: I killed it. It's ruined.
T-This is Grandma's special cake.
The second most important
thing after the burgers.
- Probably more important.
- Lin!
You're right, it doesn't matter.
- Okay, we got to tell them.
- No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
W-We have to fix it.
W-We have to try and reshape it.
If it gets dark enough, right?
No one will notice.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I've ruined their whole wedding.
No, no, Bob, I'll do it.
You cook, and I'll try to reshape it.
I've eaten a lot of cake in my life,
so, uh, hopefully, I
can do it from memory.
Mm. Oh, it's good.
- Lin. Don't...
- Bob, let me work.
Ah. Pretty sure I got
this one locked up.
That grease trap has
one of your names on it.
Dream on, sister. I've been in,
like, every picture he's taken.
- (camera shutter clicks)
- Um, except that one.
Okay, then. You guys want to end it now?
- Should we could them up?
- Fine with me.
I'll call you Rizzo and you Frenchy,
'cause you're about to be in grease.
Shut your cheese flaps and get
ready to clean that grease trap.
Hey, clicky fingers. Clicky.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Uh, you guys almost done?
I-I really should be
still taking photos.
Shh, shh, shh. You're
making me lose count.
Not looking good for you, Gene.
So far, Tina has the most pictures,
and I have one more than you.
I thought the camera loved me.
PHOTOGRAPHER: That's it.
We're back to the first picture
I took today,
that's-that's all of them.
- Ha! Gene loses.
- Wait, I'm in that picture.
What? Where?
GENE: I'm reflected in her sunglasses.
I was trying to get her
attention because I thought
she was Helen Mirren.
Wait a second, that's not Helen Mirren?
GENE: Look, I'm in there twice.
I don't lose, Louise does.
- No!
- Yes.
(sighs) I got to call my mom
and tell her I didn't meet Helen Mirren.
Well, I won, as predicted.
I shutted your butts.
Should we go back and see how
much grease you have to clean?
- You shut your butt.
- You shut your butt.
- No, you shut your butt!
- My butt is shut.
Mine's wide open!
- (indistinct chatter)
- MAN: Mmm, mmm.
These burgers are amazing.
Hey, save room for
Farrah's grandma's cake.
- It is going to blow your mind.
- Really?
But cake's cake. Y-You've
had one, you've had 'em all.
Sometimes, you don't even want
something sweet after a meal.
Am I right?
(chuckling): I mean,
it's sometimes too much.
(stifled laugh) Bob,
come on, you're too much.
(laughs) Let's get to that cake cutting.
(chanting): Cake, cake, cake, cake!
ALL (chanting): Cake! Cake! Cake!
LINDA (chanting): Cake! Cake!
Lin, I thought you were fixing the cake.
Sorry, you know I can't resist a chant.
(sighs) Well, go back and fix it.
Right. Right, right, right.
Oh, God.
Uh, okay!
Here's the cake.
ALL: Ooh.
Okay, Linda, uh, bring
it into the light.
W-We want to take a picture.
No, I'm good.
Linda, come on.
Okay.
(chuckles) Y-You're going backwards.
- You're going backwards.
- Um...
Just kidding. Ha.
Here I come.
- Oh, dear Lord.
- Oh. Oh, no.
What-what happened to Grandma's cake?
What do you mean?
Um, it's all smushed.
What? No, that's how it looks.
It's, uh, Grandma made it like that.
You know.
She's so old.
(laughs) Uh, t-this is a-a joke, right?
I mean, now you'll bring
out the real cake? Ha, ha?
No. Listen, Farrah, Carter...
- Connor.
- Connor.
I-I'm sorry.
I-I got myself worked up
trying to make everything
perfect for tonight,
especially after literally
everything went wrong today,
so I was rushing around
and I fell on your cake.
(crying): Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Everything did go wrong today.
I keep telling myself it was all okay,
just one thing, here or
there, but it isn't okay.
The wind blew everything everywhere.
I lost my baby blanket that I
was gonna give to my children.
Poor little baby,
The Belcher Children.
Louise.
And now Grandma's cake is ruined.
Is this just one big omen?
(stammers) Of course not.
We're-We're gonna be okay.
- But what if we aren't?
- (microphone distortion)
Farrah, I'm so glad
you brought that up.
Oh, God.
Look. When you first told
me you were getting married
after three months,
I thought you were
bananas in the tailpipe.
I thought it was too short.
You haven't smelled each other's farts.
You haven't been through enough
bad stuff together, I thought.
But today, you really packed it in.
The universe cut a big
fart all over your wedding.
And also someone clogged up
the Porta potty, which is hard.
Yeah, someone.
It was like that when I got there.
Anyway, most people would
have cracked earlier,
but you let it all roll off your back.
And then my extremely passionate husband
fell on your grandma's
cake and broke you.
"Broke" is a little...
But looking at you now,
can I tell you something?
I guarantee you two are gonna make it.
(sniffles) We are?
Yeah. You are.
The way you handled
everything today shows
how all you really care
about is each other.
And you know what else?
The cake doesn't look great,
but I bet it still tastes great.
There's no dirt in it or anything,
just pretend like you already chewed it!
Mmm, mmm! Oh, it's
delicious, Grandma. (laughs)
If you don't look at it, it's fine.
Just like you guys.
Wait, what does that mean?
Oh! No, I mean...
Not... not that! I didn't mean that.
But you do have mascara
running down your face
like a crazy clown, I'm sorry.
- My crazy clown.
- (sniffles)
Oh, you.
Now, let's try some cake, huh?
Oh, oh... Mm, it's really falling apart.
(laughs) Also, I was wrong.
There is a little dirt
in it, and a salad fork.
I lost that in there when
I was trying to reshape it,
so look out for that. Enjoy.
Who is this woman?
I'm the caterer, ma'am.
The caterer.
BOB: Linda, what you
said before was beautiful.
I-I think you saved the wedding.
No, we saved the wedding, Bob.
We made this wedding.
Take that, doctors in war zones.
Yeah. I mean, they do good stuff, too.
But not everyone can make burgers.
Hey! It's Frankie!
TINA: Talk about a wet blanket.
- Get it? - Too soon.
- Oh, God.
What?
Ugh, there's a dead
butterfly in the cake.
- (gagging)
- Does it taste like butter?
If the answer is no, lie to me.
Oh, it's just a leaf.
Mmm, it's good.
Oh, oh... (gagging)
♪ This wedding is my war zone ♪
♪ And I'm the doctor in it ♪
♪ I've got to save
their special day ♪
♪ Got to cater it to the limit ♪
♪ But do I take these
buns to have and hold ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ All you can do is
do your best-est ♪
♪ Toast 'em perfect so
their love grows old ♪
- ♪ I do ♪
- ♪ They are a couple of hot messes ♪
♪ And do I swear that
I won't screw this up ♪
♪ I do ♪
- ♪ Bob, you're crazy ♪
♪ And do I need this
more than anything ♪
♪ Do I think you've
lost your mind on this ♪
LINDA and BOB: ♪ I... ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.