Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 8, Episode 2 - The Silence of the Louise - full transcript

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Two more pages.

Oh, I don't think I'm gonna make it.

One word at a time,
sweetie. Push through.

- I need water. Oh!
- What's going on?

Louise is reading Old Yeller.

I believe it's pronounced "old yellow."

Uh, why?

I mean, I wish I wasn't asking

why one of my kids is
reading a book, but I am.

It's for a school
read-a-thon.



If the entire student
body reads 500 books,

we earn a trip to Wetty,
Set, Go water park.

Oh. Is that place back open?

I thought it was
closed because of the...

The kid who lost a finger?

The diarrhea in the wave pool?

- Fake lifeguards?
- The flesh-eating bacteria?

- Yes, all of those.
- No, it's back open.

Everybody, quiet!

Yeller's got rabies, so a vet's probably

about to come and cure
him, and that'll be that.

- Oh, God.
- I don't think that's what happ...

Ah! Holy crap!

- Yeah, sorry.
- Yeah.



This is why I don't read.

- _
- And by the end, the pigs are

walking on their hind legs,
and callin' all the shots.

The dream of an animal utopia is over.

Count it.

Charlotte totally dies,

and then I used the
book to kill a spider

and that, like, really made me think.

Count it.

Ahh! Someone come quick!

And so, apparently, in
all children's literature,

a really nice animal dies in the end.

And that is not cool, Reading.

- Not cool.
- Yeah, you said it, honey.

Well, put it on the
board, because that's 500.

Wetty, Set, Go, here we come.

Attention! There has been a grisly crime

committed in my office.

My therapy dolls have been mutilated.

Dude, what?

Whoa.

B.O. Theo, Lynn-Secure,
Pierre Pressure...

Some of the others I'll have
to identify from yarn records.

Wasn't ready to see that. Oh, boy.

What sick, twisted, but
really creative kid did this?

For all I know, you did, Louise.

No, no, no. This wasn't me.

This is cray-cray... cray.

- It's three crays.
- What I do know is,

there will be no trip to the water park,

until the fiend who did this
is caught or comes forward.

- No way!
- No!

Come on!

Sorry.

I'm self-medicating with a soothing

Caramel Chamomile from
the new pod coffee machine

in the teachers lounge.

I wondered why you smelled like my aunt.

Yeah, you smell just like his aunt.

Yes, I've heard this before,
I smell like your aunt, yes.

You know what? This whole thing

has kind of a Millie touch.

Remember those homemade "presents"

she put in my locker?

Millie!

Millie is the one student
I know didn't do it.

She's at home this week recovering

from an extensive orthodontia procedure.

Why didn't she wait till
she's in her 40s to get braces?

Like Gwen Stefani.

Can't believe I read for nothing!

I want that water park.

Maybe Mr. Frond will
catch whoever did it.

Him? He couldn't catch
his butt with two hands.

We got to solve this ourselves.

Take some pictures,
gather some evidence...

Put the evidence in little
baggies, label the baggies,

put the baggies in an evidence locker.

But where are we gonna
get little baggies?!

Hey, guys. You know Janine,

from the stationary store?

- Hi.
- Sure. How's it going over there?

Great, right?

People are never gonna
stop buying birthday cards.

- Actually, people have stopped
buying birthday cards. - Oh.

But I still sell a lot
of staples and paperclips.

The Internet can't hold two
pieces of paper together.

- Not yet.
- Janine and I have news.

We're partners. Not romantic partners.

- Right? No.
- Mm-mm.

- No, we are not.
- No, we're not.

Teddy and I are going into the
inspirational poster business.

Oh, I love those posters.

That baby with the
spaghetti on his head.

That got me through my thirties.

Yeah, it's a funny story
how it all came together.

I was up on a ladder
fixing Janine's ceiling fan

and I fell onto a bunch of erasers.

Oh, that's kind of lucky. Soft erasers.

They were on a glass shelf.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, so that broke.

And under that were X-Acto knives.

- Pointed up.
- Oh.

Still don't know why
you store 'em that way.

- It's a display, it looks better.
- Right.

So I was lying there
bleeding somewhat heavily,

and I said to myself, "Shake it off,

today is tomorrow's yesterday."

And I said, "Hey, Shakespeare,

that would go great on a poster."

Turns out Janine's been
taking pictures for years,

just waiting for the
perfect poster phrase.

- I've got beaches, I've got clouds...
- Yeah.

I've got a monkey holding
a banana like a phone.

Who's he calling?

It's fun to imagine, right?

Eh... Michael Jackson.

We finally settled on a sunrise.

Or maybe it's a sunset, we don't know.

The sun was in my eyes, I couldn't tell.

And I was high.

So we printed up 1,000, and here we are.

- 1,000 sounds like a lot.
- Bob!

- We already sold one.
- Great. To, to who?

Well, to you, right? Don't you want one?

- Of course we want one.
- Uh, uh...

- I want one.
- Yeah, sure.

- We'll take two.
- Wait, why would we want two

of the same poster?

'Cause what if we both
want to look at it?

I want to look at it.

Two coming right up. One, two.

Okay, what do we know?

We know a psycho did this.

We just have to get in
the head of a psycho.

Too bad we're not Millie.
Not that she's psycho,

but she's, you know, psychish.

Tina, that's it!

Wait, we are Millie?

I knew it.

No, she can be our psycho-sultant.

Louise! Is that really you?

Yep. Wait, you know who I am?

I guess I should know my
daughter's best friend.

I only see your face
every time I turn around.

Gosh, I've heard everything about you.

Bob and Linda, the restaurant,
Teddy the handyman...

We're Gene and Tina.

- Sorry, who?
- Um, the siblings.

- Come again?
- Gene and Tina.

No.

Can we go up and see Millie?

Last room on the left.

Don't give her gum or hard candy.

Nothing pointy that she might
use to pry off her headgear.

And don't get too close,

the braces make her spit a little.

Hi, Louise.

Hi, Millie. You're in my room,

you're in my room, you're in my room.

Yeah... Oh, my God.

Hey, Louise, Millie's room
is exactly like your room.

That's definitely cute and not creepy.

Anyway, uh, we just wondered
how you were feeling.

No, how are you feeling, Louise?

Your voice sounds strained.

You've been yelling about
something, I can tell.

- Bad news at school?
- Wow, she's good.

Someone has hard candy.

Gene, give it to her.

Well, Millie, I would like... your help.

Somebody, not you,

but, you know, maybe kind of like you,

chopped up Mr. Frond's therapy dolls

and got the water park trip canceled.

Oh, no. I read Old Yeller for that trip.

- Oh, did you?
- Mm-hmm.

Here are some pictures
of the crime scene.

They're not touch screen,
they're just pictures.

Not that anyone thought
they were... touch screen.

Okay, I've got some ideas,
and I'd be glad to help.

- As a friend.
- Great.

But friends play together, Louise.

I'll help you, in
exchange for play dates.

I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

I really want to scratch
your back, Louise.

No! That's extortion, Millie.

Get out of my room.

It's my room, Louise.

It's my room!

Fine, I'll do it.

Don't leave me alone with her.

Um, what about us, Millie?

There's a trampoline in the back.

Go bounce and stay out of our way,

not-Louise girl,
not-Louise boy.

Scream if you need us, Louise.

No, no, no, no, no, no...

Sorry, toots, we got to go
talk to tramp named O-line.

Gene, I'm kind of worried about...

Louise in there alone with... Millie.

Me, too. I'm also worried about

my testicles banging into each other.

Who am I kidding? I love it.

Okay, it's got to be
someone who hates Mr. Frond.

But that's everyone.

When everyone has a motive,

maybe look for who
doesn't have a motive?

♪ La la la la la. ♪

Yes. Wait, I don't understand.

Enough detective work.

Let's do fun things.

Hey, I know, we'll put on our own play.

You be you, and I'll be you.

And we take a bow and we won a Tony.

Back to the case.

Well, whoever did this
knew Mr. Frond's schedule.

Kind of like how I know yours!

Yes, and someone who knew which
drawer the dolls were kept in.

Like one of the kids
getting counseled, of course!

Let's make a list.

Nah. Karaoke time.

♪ My love ♪

♪ There's ♪

♪ Only you in my life ♪

♪ The only thing that's bright ♪

♪ My first love ♪

♪ Your every breath ♪

Wooriga gatchee itnun gun, baby baby!

Okay, uh, yes, we sound

amazingly great singing Korean pop.

But we got to focus.

Let's see. All the dolls are messed up,

except this one.

Miss Understood.

Is it because whoever did
this felt misunderstood?

Wow, that's a great question.

Let's dress up my cat.

Oh, my God!

You're staying, Muffin.

Oh, a tramp named O-line.

Now I get it.

Yeah.

Uh, Lin, are-are you sure that's
where we want Teddy's poster?

Why, what's wrong?

Nothing, it's just that
it's kind of in my eye-line.

And it's dumb and I hate it.

That's how inspiring posters work.

You got to see them again
and again until they kick in.

Like taking antibiotics.

Wait, did you put the other
one up over our choking poster?

It was depressing.

Ugh, a picture of that guy gagging.

Right, but someone could choke.

- I mean...
- Bob, relax.

Look at Teddy's poster.

Tomorrow is tomorrow goes tomorrow...

Uh, that's not what it says.

- Today is tomorrow.
- It's not working.

- And breathe...
- I don't like it.

That was the most exhausting
play date of my life.

But we made progress.

We burned some calories
on the trampoline.

And I think the family next door
really started to warm up to us.

Yeah, I watched half of Jurassic Park

through their window.
Every other second.

Well, I guess I got to keep this
going till we crack the case.

♪ Play dates, play dates ♪

♪ Having lots of play dates ♪

♪ I'm gonna play
with you till we die ♪

♪ Play dates, play dates ♪

♪ Super fun play dates ♪

♪ Gonna play together
until we die. ♪

♪ ♪

Someone obviously hated
those dolls. But who?

Let's talk about Old Yeller.

Forget Old Yeller.

But it was such a great yarn.

Didn't you think it was a good yarn?

Wait, yar, yarn.

There's something about the yarn.

Maybe.

Millie, why do you turn everything

into a freaking...

Wait, I know yarn people.

Tina, Gene, we need to go somewhere.

Okay. The neighbors
shut their blinds anyway.

Rude.

Shoplifters. Harold, wake up.

What? Oh.

Boost your airplane glue
someplace else, you hoods.

And then take it on back to Boys Town.

We're not shoplifters. Wait, what's
Boys Town? It sounds interesting.

Listen, someone cut up this doll.

Do you see anything unusual?

Hmm. This yarn isn't
cut, it's unraveled.

- It's what?
- Unraveled!

- Ah!
- Why not just cut it?

Why were they so careful?

Here's a question.
Why are you still here?

Buy some pipe cleaners
or get the hell out!

Okay. Geez.

We're so close to solving this.

Millie's an odd bird, but she
does have a head for this stuff.

- What's that?
- Oh, it's just a Millie and me

friendship collage I'm working on.

Got to play the game, right?

That's a lot of glitter glue.

Maybe less is more?
Learn to edit yourself?

Seems like Millie's kind of
becoming a real friend, Louise.

She's not a friend,
Tina; we've had some fun.

I mean, not "fun," but
you know... shut up.

I get it. It's like that thing I've
got with Mom. Why put a label on it?

Oh, Mr. Frond. I want to update you
on Operation Waterpark's Back On.

- Um, okay.
- Mr. Frond!

- I'm turning myself in.
- Zeke, you don't have to do this.

You need that field trip, Jimmy Junior.

- Zeke, you did it?
- Yep. Typical me.

I hate those, uh, what
do they call it again?

- I hate it, though.
- Dolls?

- Yeah, dolls.
- Yeah.

So everyone gets to go to
the water park, I guess.

You get to go, Jay-Ju!

You get to go.

Okay, I'm... I-I, I...

Oh, God, I need help!

- Little help!
- Somebody help him!

Come on. He needs help.

So, uh... huh.

That's... case closed?

Hi, Teddy.

- Hi, Janine.
- Just seeing how the poster's doing.

How it's doing? It's dying. Dead.

People seem a little
unfamiliar with the concept.

So what does it do?

- You-you read it.
- And it changes your life.

And where would I put it?

- On a wall?
- I don't really do walls.

I live in a converted
gazebo with my improv group,

- so it's like...
- That's enough out of you.

I don't know what the problem is.

The poster's got everything,
at least, graphically.

"At least graphically"?

Maybe the phrase isn't as
good as I thought it was.

Or maybe your sunrise
is really a sunset,

and it's wrecking the
mood my words create.

I get them confused.

- I already explained that.
- Um...

I liked the chimp with the banana phone.

That was, like, your only good one.

Why did I take a chance on you?

Why did I let you take a chance on me?

Oh, my God, I love it.

Guys. You got a customer.

She's going for her wallet.

Oh, thank God. Sorry about a second ago.

- Oh, me too. You're the best.
- That was crazy.

- No, you are.
- And click.

- What are you doing?
- I'm posting it.

No, stop that. You got to buy it.

It has so many likes. You're welcome.

No, those are our ideas!

Well, I need another poster.

Oh, wait, I forgot my wallet.

So anyway, I guess I don't
need to come over anymore.

Oh, come on, Louise.

You actually think Zeke did it?

Yes. I mean, okay,

he didn't seem to know
what he was confessing to,

but that's a very small detail.

I thought we were looking for the truth.

We were looking for
the water park, Millie.

Have you been to Wetty, Set, Go?

The slides are so fast
you'll get the kind of wedgie

that'll never come out and
you just have to live with it.

But we're almost there.

And I think I know who did it.

Well, if you know who
did it, just tell me.

You've been stretching things
out just to keep me near you.

Ugh! You think it's
all about you, Louise,

just because everything
I do is all about you.

Okay, we're done, Millie. Go
ahead and slam the phone down.

- No, you slam the phone down first.
- No, you.

- No, you! - All right, we'll slam
the phone down together.

One, two, three...

- You didn't slam the phone...
- You didn't slam the phone down!

- Oh! You were gonna slam it down.
- All right, well, slam it down. Ready?

I feel like we should leave the room,

but this is a pretty cute fight.

All right.

After I left Zeke, I
went back to my office

and found Miss Understood...

- like this!
- Ugh.

That means Zeke didn't do it.
He couldn't have done it.

The son of a bitch is still out there.

The water park is off again.

Okay, so it turns out
the case isn't solved.

I will be over at the usual time

and we'll crack this thing.

Hello?

Millie? Millie?

Millie? Millie?

Give it 12 more Millie's
and call it a day.

All right, Millie was a tad upset,

but I can smooth this over.

Oh, Louise. Wow.

Um, I can't believe I'm saying this,

but Millie doesn't want to see you.

Awkward.

But come on, I'm Louise.

I'm the one from the pictures.

I'm just gonna slip in.

Shutting the door now, in your face.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh.

Well, we're dissolving

the poster business. Janine wants out.

Aw, Teddy, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, well, the pet shop down the street

offered to buy the rest of
the posters at a deep discount.

They're gonna shred them
for hamster cage bedding.

The guy was really impressed

with how much hamster
urine they could absorb.

I can see that.

I'll give you back our posters if
you want, so you can shred them.

- Bob, no.
- But I mean,

if the hamsters just need even one...

No, no, no, those hamsters are fine.

Believe me, I've been down there.

- They've got it pretty good.
- Right. Yep.

I have to get to Millie somehow.

- She says she knows who did it.
- I have an idea, Louise,

and I think you'll jump for it.

Because it's jumping.

Which I could have said first.

Millie, Millie!

Look, I'm sorry. I do want the truth.

And, uh, here's the weird thing -

I was having fun with you.

- There, I said it!
- It's true, Millie.

Louise really worked hard
on that friendship collage.

Hi, this is Tina.

I still think she went kind
of nuts with the glitter glue.

Solid work, but I just question
her taste level sometimes.

Please, we're running out of time.

Wetty, Set, Go never
stays open that long!

Typhus can happen just like that!

All right. Mom, let Louise in!

Yes! I'm gonna come through the window.

Oh, never mind. Bad idea, bad idea.

Bob, you got to pick it
up, we're getting clobbered.

Why are we so slammed?

Jimmy Pesto closed to watch
them blow up that beached whale

in Bog Harbor and we're
getting all his business.

And grill and grill,
and grill, and grill...

I'm doing the best I can, Lin.

Uh, that's what I'm afraid of. Ha!

Work snap. Said with love.

But come on, seriously, faster, faster.

Today is tomorrow's yesterday.

- I get it now.
- What?

- Lin?
- What?

- I think we're gonna be okay.
- Okay, keep moving.

All I wanted was a friend, Louise.
I'm a simple person.

Sorry, you're just really not, Millie.

Okay, fine, but I'm good
at seeing stuff you don't.

Like clues about who
killed Mr. Frond's dolls,

or why you and I should
be best friends forever.

I know. I get it. But right now,

can you just please tell me who did it?

Let's talk about Old Yeller again.

No, I hate that book.

Remind me what happens at the end?

You know what happened.

Because of the rabies, the boy had
to shoot Yeller, his own dog.

I guess he really didn't like that dog.

What? No. He loved him.

Yeller was his dog.

That's why he had to
be the one to do it.

He loved him so much, he had to be

the one to...

Mm-hmm.

- It was you!
- What was me?

It was someone who knew
your schedule. That's you.

Someone who knew where
the dolls were kept.

That's you, again.

I loved those dolls.

They were my dolls!

Which is why you
couldn't bear to cut them,

so you unraveled them.

It was done out of love.

Just like Old Yeller.

Old Yellow!

That... that is so farfetched.

That's just so...

Come back!

You didn't finish your sentence.

"That's just so" what? Oh.

He's headed for the teachers' lounge!

You're not faculty.
You can't come in here.

Damn!

Hi, Mr. Branca. Do you have a
key to the teachers' lounge?

No, it cleans itself.

Here you go, everybody in.

Okay, so the word "lounge"
is kind of an exaggeration.

It's more of a waiting room for farts.

We know you did it, Mr. Frond.

What I don't understand is why.

It's his fault.

Hush, you worm.
LaBonz, palm strike his windpipe, now.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I think it's too late for violence.

He swore you kids would
never read 500 books.

Of course I did.

- Look at them!
- And then when you did,

we had to stop the water
park from happening.

Why?

Because we already spent
the water park money.

- On what?
- Coffee pods.

The machine was cheap, but the
pods are incredibly expensive.

You monsters!

When the pods blew the budget,

we tapped the water park money.

You could have drunk less coffee.

No, we couldn't have, Tina!

And then we had a problem.

They're getting close to 500 books.

Why did we pick that number?

I didn't even know there were 500 books.

We are in so much crap if that happens.

I'm gonna have a coconut macchiato

and put on my thinking cap.

This isn't coconut!

This is hazelnut!

So it's settled.

You sure we can't just do some graffiti?

Draw a penis on something?

No, it's got to be extreme.

We cut up your dolls and blame a kid.

I'll sharpen the paper cutter.

No. If it has to be done, I'll do it.

They took hours to unravel and arrange.

But I owed it to them.

Well, now that I understand everything,

I'll just pop down to Principal
Spoors' office and let him...

Leave Spoors out of this.

- Palm strike!
- Of course,

if we get to go to the water park,

we may forget about everything.

I'm already starting to forget.

What are we talking about?

I don't even know where I am.

Okay, we'll pay for
the water park, somehow.

Faculty car wash? I have a sponge.

Brag.

Bob, you've been so productive.

Did you organize the dirty
rags under the counter?

Yeah, by smell.

Fancy pants.

And then I did an inventory
in the walk-in, and

- trimmed all my weird eyebrow hairs.
- Wow.

I think it was Teddy's
poster; I-it kicked in.

You soaked up its wisdom,
just like they're gonna soak up

that hamster pee.

Oh, my God. I hope it's not too late.

Me, too. What are we talking about?

Oh, yeah, these are gonna shred up nice.

- Thanks.
- Teddy, Janine, wait.

I was inspired, by your poster.

I mean, not a lot, but somewhat.

And I had a very
productive day yesterday.

It's true. It was like Cocoon.

I'm just saying, maybe you
shouldn't give up so quickly.

I don't know, Bob. It's
been really discouraging.

But Janine,

what would the poster tell us to do?

Um...

What would it say, Janine?

"Hang in there"?

No, that's another poster.

"Keep on truckin'"?

Another poster, but...

It would say "Try again," maybe?

There she is.

You up for this, partner?

Still not romantic partners, I assume?

- No.
- I'm in anyway. People change.

Hey, I've got an idea for a poster.

It's a hamster on a wheel and it says,

"I'm wheely excited."

- I love it.
- Get out.

Well, we made it.

We're Wetty, we're Setty
and we are about to Go.

Here's hoping none of us
swallow Band-Aids today.

Jimmy Junior, wait up. Zeke,

what's the diarrhea
sitch in the wave pool?

It ain't exactly Evian,

- but it's not wavy gravy, either.
- Good enough.

Well, Millie, that's a
nice swimsuit we're wearing.

We look good.

Thank you, Louise. As do we.

You want to go watch the
wedgies down at the big slide?

And after that we could
just move in together.

Easy, easy.

Okay, a hundred sleepovers.

I'll squeeze you in for a lunch.

- I get to chew your food.
- Millie.

♪ Play dates, play dates,
having lots of play dates ♪

♪ I'm gonna play
with you till we die ♪

♪ Play dates, play dates ♪

♪ Super fun play dates ♪

♪ Gonna play together until we die ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Play dates, play dates ♪

♪ Having lots of play dates ♪

♪ Gonna play with you till we die ♪

♪ Play dates, play dates ♪

♪ Super fun play dates ♪

♪ Gonna play together
until we die. ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.