Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 7, Episode 16 - Eggs for Days - full transcript
At the annual Easter egg hunt, Bob and Linda have a little too much fun hiding the eggs, so the Belchers race to find the one egg rotting in its hiding place.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Wow, Bobby, nice whistling.
You're in a good mood.
Yeah. Because tomorrow's Easter,
which means all next week,
everybody who gave up red meat for Lent
will be coming in for a burger.
We call it the Beef Boom.
Beef Boom.
And the kids are home for spring
break so they get to help.
- Making that Lent rent!
- It's the dream.
This year, I gave up
my cholesterol medication for Lent.
Teddy, y-you shouldn't do that.
It's okay, Doctor.
Just a few more days,
I think I can make it.
How many eggs am I allowed to eat? Nine?
- None...
- teen?
Gene, you're only robbing yourself
of the fun of finding it later.
But what if I accidentally
just peeled this one
and it's on course to
intersect with this hot sauce
and then somehow careen into my mouth?
Oh, no!
- Gene!
- Eat one from the other bowl
so there's an even
number for the egg hunt.
You got it, toots.
Oh, right. You and Bob
have your big egg hiding competition.
Yep. Last egg found wins.
This year we're doing 72 eggs.
I mean 70, 'cause you're
eating another egg, right?
Don't make me do math!
It's a lot of work, but it's worth it
because we do it for the kids.
They love it! Plus, I always win.
Ha, except for the last three years.
You got lucky.
This year, you're going down, mister!
Hey, uh, what if we
just took all these eggs
right now and put them in the Dumpster
so we don't have to
do the stupid egg hunt?
Come on, Louise, you know how much
they love it. It's their time to shine.
Last year we didn't find the
last egg until 8:30 at night.
And they don't give us our candy
baskets from the Easter Bunny
till it's over.
It's the perfect crime.
I'm just saying, why don't
we just tell them we hate it?
It would break their hearts. I
don't think we should do that.
Ugh, okay, fine, but
feelings aren't Easter eggs,
- and I can't hide them forever.
- Good one.
Oh! I just thought
of a new hiding place.
Mm-hmm. Is it inside
the paper towel roll?
No.
I hate you.
Go to sleep, guys, or the
Easter Bunny won't come.
And don't come out of your
rooms, even if you have to pee.
Just pee in your beds.
Way ahead of you.
Look what I found on sale at Food World!
Jellybean schnapps.
Isn't it fun?
Theme drink.
Oh, God.
Oh, good.
This is amazing.
It's like all the flavors at once.
Right? It doesn't even taste
like it has alcohol in it.
How much does it have?
100 proof?
- Is that even legal?
- I think.
I-I mean the label's got
a lot of misspelled words.
And it looks like it's just taped on.
Did you buy it at a store?
Or did you just get it from a guy?
I got it in the parking lot.
I don't think Food World
sells in the parking lot.
Everything is in the store,
'cause that's where
you have to check out.
You know, I thought that.
Mm-hmm. It'll be fine, it'll be fine.
Smell it! It smells good.
Well, actually, it smells bad.
But it tastes good.
Exactly. Happy Easter.
Okay, same rules as always,
and mark your eggs down on the map
so we can make sure they all get found.
And whoever's egg is
found last is the winner.
- Let's have a clean fight.
- All right.
One more drink for motivation.
Okay, one more and then
it's time to get serious.
Then we'll schnapps drinking.
You get it?
Stop? Schnapps. Stop.
- Drink. Okay.
- No. Bob, you're babbling.
Huh. Yeah. Am I drunk alrea...
Oh, my God.
Oh. Ow.
Ow. I can feel my blinks.
They hurt so much.
Oh, I'm gonna barf.
I'm gonna barf. I'm gonna barf.
Wait. No, not yet. Oh, I'm too tired.
Lin, what happened last night?
Did we hide the eggs?
Oh, I don't know. I think so.
Oh, no, there's one in my hand.
Um, I'll just hide it here.
Under my pillow. Did you see?
Yeah, no. I can't... oh...
Hopefully I did a better
job with the rest of them.
Okay, I'm gonna go barf now.
Here I go. Getting up.
No, oh, no, I'm sitting
down. I'm sitting down.
I got to sit down. Oh, hi, kids!
Hey, are we doing this or what?
I need to get some jellybeans
in my face before midnight.
Please don't say "jellybeans."
- Jellybeans.
- Gene.
What's wrong with you guys?
We were just up late.
You smell like candy
and B.O. mixed together,
like a... homeless M&M.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but you both look like
Nicholas Cage right now.
Why don't you guys go
wait in the living room?
I'm just gonna sit and,
um, groan for a second.
Hear ye, hear ye.
Shh. Too loud, too loud.
Ye olde annual Belcher egg hunt...
What? I can't hear you!
Shh! I can't hear you now!
Okay, okay, Louise.
Ye olde annual Belcher
egg hunt is about to begin.
Remember to call out whose
egg it is when you find one,
because one of those
eggs will be the last.
And it will probably be mine.
And... a-go.
Get ready to lose, big talker.
You're the one that's gonna lose, Bob.
I hid my eggs great.
Actually, I don't know if I did.
Hey, do you remember
where any of your eggs are?
Not really. Where's the map?
Uh, oh, right, right,
right, map, the map.
Ooh, map is a no-go.
Did I write "Linda is a fart" on it?
Yeah. You did.
- That's hilarious.
- Eh. It's okay.
Uh, don't worry, I'm sure
they'll find the eggs.
I-I'm just gonna go
take some more aspirin.
How many can I take? Like, 20?
Yeah, that sounds right.
Oh, you know what? I'll take ten.
It's Mom's.
In the plunger. Sorry, Mom.
No, it's fun, it's fun.
Easter's fun.
- Come here, Gene.
- Yeah?
Don't find another egg
unless it's got a "D" on it.
Ha, ha.
Found one. It's Dad's.
Um, Tina, what if you just put it back?
Dad, that's cheating.
- I'll give you $500.
- I heard that!
- It's Mom's.
- Huh.
I feel like that was a hiding
place of mine last year.
That's weird. It's almost
like you remembered it
and then copied it
because it was so good.
Don't you need to go start the ham?
Ugh. You look like a
giant pink jellybean.
Just glaze me and get it over with.
- Sorry, Mom.
- Damn it!
We have 62 eggs.
And it's only 6:45 p.m.
Yeah. In the early evening.
Yeah. And we started at 7:00 a.m.
I remember that. It was so long ago.
I was young.
- My feet hurt.
- Um, may I suggest that we
could have some hints?
No! Hints make it less fun.
Trust us, they don't.
Aw, they're loving it.
I am getting hungry, though.
Is the ham ready?
Oh, let me check.
I never turned the oven on.
I-I think I might have
still been drunk earlier.
And now.
Should we order pizza?
Did you guys find the last egg yet?
No!
Louise, you're getting flour everywhere.
This is it! I did it!
Number 70.
- Whose is it?
- Is it mine?
It is a "D."
- No!
- Yes!
I am the king!
The king of eggs!
All right, here are your candy baskets.
Yeah!
Great hunt, everybody.
After you have a little candy, make sure
you get a good night's
sleep for a Beef Boom.
Time to strap on the old feed basket.
I'm not even tasting it, mm.
Remind me again, is it okay
to eat the Easter basket grass?
Ugh, what's that smell?
Smells like a Gene special.
I'm flattered, but it wasn't me.
Let's round up the usual suspects:
Tina's breath, Tina's
pits, Tina's shoes.
All good ideas.
No, I, I know that smell.
Me, too.
Oh, my God! It's an egg!
A rotten egg!
Aah! Oh, no.
Did we not find one of the eggs?
Last one to find the
rotten egg is a rotten egg.
That smell can't be an egg.
You kids dyed 72 in the restaurant,
and then Gene ate two.
We hid 70, we found 70.
Wrong, father, I ate one.
What? I told you to eat another one
so that we'd have an even number.
You said, "You got it, toots."
Uh, yeah, I meant it like,
"You've got it, toots,"
like you've got that certain something.
So there's still one
egg we haven't found.
And it could be mine.
The competition isn't over!
I could still win!
Isn't that fun, everybody?
It's not not fun.
Also, chances are, it's mine.
- But it's probably mine.
- Mine.
Ugh! This smell is worse than when Gene
kept a turkey sandwich as
a secret pet for a year.
Steve Turkel. He was my best friend.
Is it getting worse? It is, right?
Uh, w-we need to find
it, like right now.
We can't. We got to open for Beef Boom.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
We'll just have to look for it
at the end of the day.
Great, because we love
looking for eggs. Right, guys?
We love, love, love it. Hmm. Uh...
Missing egg, huh?
You know, same thing
happened to a family
on my street growing up.
- They had to move out.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah. City had to
burn the building down.
Uh, that can't be true.
Thanks for the masks, Teddy.
These will make it easier to search.
No problem.
Now we'll just be breathing in
this skanky perfume while we look.
"Sensational Gardens" is not skanky.
It's a distinctive
fragrance by Kelly Ripa.
Who is very classy and from New Jersey.
We checked everywhere, and it's late.
So maybe we should just go to bed.
Oh, I don't think I could
sleep with this smell.
Should we get a hotel room?
Yes. I'll make a call.
Something with a view. And robes.
Ooh, robes.
I think I know a much better place,
and it's far more affordable.
Family sleepover!
Isn't this fun?
It's even better than a hotel.
We got sleeping bags and some
free floor French fries...
Free floor ketchup.
That's blood.
And what if I told
you there's also a man
looking at us through the window?
- Even better.
- Oh, my God, it's Mr. Fischoeder.
Uh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
- Hi, Bob.
- Uh, if you're here for the rent,
we don't have the checkbook down here.
We also don't have the actual money.
- Um, in the bank.
- Bob.
Bob, it's, it's okay.
I was, not here for that.
I was... I was just on my
way to a brothel... uh...
brothelizer, uh... uh, showcase.
Uh... They're showing off this new thing
that tests how much
broth you've, uh, drunk.
- Well, that's...
- And anyway, and I saw you here
in your pajamas and I thought,
well, what the hell is that?
Uh, we lost an egg upstairs.
"Lost an egg upstairs"?
Is that an expression that, uh,
blue collar people use? Or...
No, we hid the Easter eggs,
and we can't find one of them
and it really smells up there.
Oh, dear, well, I hope
we don't have to burn
the whole building down
because of the smell.
Well, that doesn't really happen.
Oh, yes, it does, Bob.
Once certain smells set
into a place, you simply
can't get them out.
Maybe a hamster gets lost
or Grandma dies on a hot day in August
with a plate of potato
salad on her lap, say.
Aw...
And, uh, and rotten eggs?
Well, they're the worst.
Landlords call them "fire starters."
I-I'll try to remember
to give you a heads up
before my friend Arson Daly stops by.
Uh, we're gonna find the egg.
Yeah, uh, we're gonna find it.
It's just hidden really
well because I hid it.
- I-I probably hid it.
- No.
- I-I did.
- No, me.
So one of you hid it,
but neither of you knows where it is?
- We had some schnapps.
- Quite a bit.
Ah. Why didn't you say so?
I lost the year 1996 to schnapps.
I still don't know what the Macarena is.
D-Don't tell me. I'll figure it out.
We have to find that egg.
- _
- Wow, it's really bad.
It's unbelievably bad.
There's so much egg in the
air, we could scramble it.
Wait, Lin. What are you doing?
I read online that if you are
trying to remember something,
you should try to put yourself
back in the environment.
And the environment
I was in was schnapps.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Bob, I'm getting something.
Really? Yeah, I was here in the kitchen.
Uh, yes, we live here.
No, no, I was in the kitchen that night.
Come on, Linda. Remember.
♪ These eggs are hidden
and Linda is winnin' ♪
♪ 'Cause she is the
best and Bob is a mess. ♪
Air vent.
I know where it is.
Thanks for coming, Teddy.
We opened the air vent,
but we couldn't see it.
Oh, my God, the Sm...
Ugh, Teddy, ugh, hurry.
Must've rolled down the vent.
Hold the ladder, Bob.
- I'm getting in there.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna reach back here and, uh,
okay, I can feel something.
Yep, that's definitely an egg.
Oh, thank God. I knew it. I knew it.
I just got to get a better grip.
What? What? What?
What?!
- There's a monster in the wall!
- Oh, my God.
Aah! Something's in there,
and it's got the egg.
Oh. Are you guys gonna
be open for lunch today,
or, uh, what's the story?
Mmm, I'm telling you, that
thing had ahold of me good.
What do you think it was?
A bear maybe? Tiny dinosaur?
I-I would doubt that.
Maybe it was Aunt Gayle.
Yeah, we haven't seen her in a while.
She seems like she
could be a wall person.
A Wahlberg so to speak?
Are you guys serving lunch yet?
I know it's a little early, but, uh...
... I gave up beef for Lent and
I'm really excited to eat a...
Is there a horrible smell in here?
- No.
- Oh, God.
There is up in our house.
Want to come smell it?
- Five bucks.
- Uh, no, thank you.
Oh, crap, crap, crap.
It's in the restaurant.
We're not even smelling it anymore.
I-It's inside of us.
We are the smell now.
We have to close the restaurant.
Close the restaurant?
But it's Beef Boom.
Lin, it's better to lose
business for a couple hours
than be the place that
smells like rotten eggs
and lose business forever.
Is that from the Bible?
Hey. Was that a scrabbling?
That was definitely a scrabbling.
It's Aunt Gayle. She's on the move.
Wait a minute.
That thing's in the crawlspace.
That's why it smells down here.
It's moving the egg around.
Like I did to Mom in the womb.
We got to call animal control.
That'll take forever.
Time is Beef Boom money.
We've got to get that egg out of there.
Listen, I-I-I know the crawlspace.
We know. You tell us all the time.
I'm gonna go in there,
and I'm gonna try and get the egg.
Because you know the crawlspace so well.
- Yes.
- Dad, just one question.
- Do you know the crawlspace?
- Okay, guys, I get it.
Bob, I'm going with you.
I'm worried you don't
know the crawlspace
as well as you think you do.
Uh, you only have one jumpsuit?
What? I work for myself.
What, do you think I carry
around an extra jumpsuit
conveniently in your size?
Is that what you think, Bobby?
- I-I... it's fine.
- Huh?
- No.
- Okay, I do.
I was gonna give it to
you for your birthday
and, uh, surprise you,
but it's in the truck.
I'll go get it.
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
What-What does it say on it?
It says, "T.G.I.B." Thank God It's Bob.
You get it? T.G.I... I
switched the "B" for an "F."
- It's very clever.
- Yeah.
Are you guys in there? Can you see it?
Not yet. We're heading down
to the restaurant level now.
Okay, be careful.
We'll meet you down there.
- Dad?
- Yes, Tina.
If you die in the wall,
we'll name the restaurant after you.
Tina, I'm not gonna die in here.
That's right, Dad. Stay positive.
Oh, God, it smells really,
really bad right here.
We must be getting close.
Let-Let's-Let's climb down.
Oh, my God.
What? What is it, Bob?
Bob!
Bob, what happened?
I-I heard something hiss
right in front of my face,
a-and I got scared, and then I fell.
I-I-I fell-jumped gracefully.
I'm coming to get you, Bobby.
No, Teddy, stay up there.
I-It's in between the floors.
You jumped down.
Yeah. I didn't want you
to be alone down here, Bobby.
What's going on in there?
Teddy was right.
There's a horrible thing in here.
So everything's fine?
I'm gonna climb up and try
to see what it actually is.
Oh, God. Oh. Mm.
Oh, my God, it's a raccoon.
A raccoon?! Which one? Describe it.
Is it Little King Trash
Mouth and his husband Gary?
Oh, right, I forgot you guys
are crazy raccoon people.
What, just 'cause we watch
the raccoons in the alley?
It's fun. It's like a soap opera.
It's more like an HBO miniseries.
Lots of plot twists, some nudity.
You'd like it. You just got to catch up.
Is it the king?
No, it's definitely not
a him because it has babies.
Oh, a gay raccoon can't have babies?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess he could adopt
or have a surrogate.
Of course he could.
What does it look like?
It looks like a raccoon.
Bob, coloring, marking,
hairdo, anything distinctive.
Okay. Uh, well, it has
three black rings on its tail
and its ear kind of has a notch in it.
A gauge?
Has that reached the raccoon community?
It's Big Baby Pudding Snatcher.
I was wondering where she went.
Big Baby Pudding Snatcher. Of course.
Why do you call her Big
Baby Pudding Snatcher?
Why do you think, Bob?
Pudding cups, she snatches them.
From who?
Me, in the alley.
Why are you eating pudding in the alley?
Where else am I gonna eat it, Bob?
The bathroom? That's gross.
Let me in there. I'll
reason with her, mom to mom.
She's probably just
hormonal and not sleeping.
And I'm sure she's worried that
her body may never bounce back.
I don't think that's a good idea.
She seems pretty angry.
Uh, not to put us back on topic,
but did you happen to see the egg?
Right. L-Let me look again.
Uh, hi. Sorry to bother you.
Uh, congratulations, by the way.
What a beautiful family you have.
I was just looking for an egg, so...
I see it. I see the egg.
I'm gonna try and get it.
Oh, bad idea!
Okay, I think we have a problem.
W-We're-We're not getting that egg.
We're gonna have to
burn the building down
with Teddy and me inside.
As long as we're together.
We'll mix your ashes together
and make a manly potpourri.
- I miss Dad.
- I'm right here, Tina.
I know, but it's not the same.
Listen, I need you to find out
how to lure raccoons out of a wall
so I can grab the egg.
Somebody, get the laptop.
Look up "raccoon, babies, wall."
Are you sure we want that
in our search history?
There's such a thing as
search history? Uh-oh.
Uh, I'll-I'll get it.
I'll get the computer. I'll be, uh...
I might be a minute.
He looks at a lot of
exotic candy online.
Okay, I think I've got something.
This site says you can
sometimes drive raccoons out
by using what they
call "mild harassment."
Keep talking.
Um, they suggest loud
music and flashing lights.
Mm, that doesn't work
to get me out of the tub.
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Amadeus ♪
♪ Come and rock me, Amadeus ♪
♪ Rock me, Amadeus... ♪
Are they leaving, Dad?
No. Can we try another station?
No, no, no. It's good.
After this one we can change it.
Are you flashing the light?
I'm flashing it. I'm-I'm shaking it.
It's not working.
Is there anything else we can try?
It's not the end of the world, Dad.
This site says they
will move on their own.
What? That's great.
Once the babies are nine weeks old.
How old are they, Dad?
I-I don't know, Tina.
They're small babies.
Okay, great. So in one to eight
weeks, this'll all be over.
Ugh, so the only option
is to go grab the egg,
and get my face scratched
off by a rabid raccoon?
We'll get you a better face.
You'll finally make sense with Mom.
She's not rabid, Bob. She's a mom.
She's looking out for her
kids. It's not her fault.
You're right, Lin. It's your fault!
What?! My fault?
Yes! You put an egg in a vent!
You're just mad 'cause
that's my egg in there,
and I won and you know it.
No, this isn't a win.
You don't get to win when you cheated.
Guys, don't you see?
This is tearing us apart.
Bob, you're ruining the egg hunt.
No, you are!
Stop! You both ruined it!
The egg hunt isn't fun for us!
It's all about your stupid competition.
We don't like it!
Louise, I never.
And Tina and Gene feel the same way.
Okay, she's right, we do.
- What?
- You don't like the egg hunt?
It's not that we don't like
it, it's just that we hate it.
You hate it?
Um, are we supposed to like it?
I mean, are Easter egg hunts for kids?
We thought they were for grown-ups.
Well, then why do you kids do
it then if you hate it so much?
Because it seems like
it makes you happy,
and even though it makes us unhappy,
we do it and we hate it.
Aw, that's sweet.
Well, I do it for the candy.
Okay, 75% candy, 25% you guys.
I would never eat candy
that was 25% you guys.
Maybe you definitely have a point.
We might have gotten carried
away with our egg competition.
I mean, I'm stuck in
a wall with a raccoon,
and Mr. Fischoeder is gonna
burn down our apartment.
So, no more Easter egg hunt?
That's a little extreme.
Maybe we could just cut
back a little, you know?
Yeah, just hide, like, three eggs.
Uh, guys, I'm really glad
we worked this all out,
but I'm still in a wall
with an angry raccoon
and a very disgusting egg.
And me, your best friend.
Right, right, right, the egg
and Big Baby Pudding Snatcher.
That's it.
- What?
- Pudding.
Teddy, I got the
boards up like you said!
Great job, Linda!
I knew you'd be good at it.
You've got floorboard hands.
Thank you!
Okay, everybody. Open your pudding cups.
And drop!
Pudding in the hole!
I hear her, she's coming.
Dad, now!
We did it!
We're free! We're free!
Oh, God, this egg.
Ugh! The smell.
Give it to me. I'll
take it to the ocean.
Out of the way. Rotten egg.
Where's Teddy going?
To throw the egg in the ocean.
It's the circle of life.
I can still smell it.
Dad, you're gonna have
to burn that jumpsuit.
Hey, we should burn
all of Dad's clothes.
Ooh! Fun fashion bonfire, yes, baby.
- No.
- Yeah, and in your face, Bob, I won.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Wow, Bobby, nice whistling.
You're in a good mood.
Yeah. Because tomorrow's Easter,
which means all next week,
everybody who gave up red meat for Lent
will be coming in for a burger.
We call it the Beef Boom.
Beef Boom.
And the kids are home for spring
break so they get to help.
- Making that Lent rent!
- It's the dream.
This year, I gave up
my cholesterol medication for Lent.
Teddy, y-you shouldn't do that.
It's okay, Doctor.
Just a few more days,
I think I can make it.
How many eggs am I allowed to eat? Nine?
- None...
- teen?
Gene, you're only robbing yourself
of the fun of finding it later.
But what if I accidentally
just peeled this one
and it's on course to
intersect with this hot sauce
and then somehow careen into my mouth?
Oh, no!
- Gene!
- Eat one from the other bowl
so there's an even
number for the egg hunt.
You got it, toots.
Oh, right. You and Bob
have your big egg hiding competition.
Yep. Last egg found wins.
This year we're doing 72 eggs.
I mean 70, 'cause you're
eating another egg, right?
Don't make me do math!
It's a lot of work, but it's worth it
because we do it for the kids.
They love it! Plus, I always win.
Ha, except for the last three years.
You got lucky.
This year, you're going down, mister!
Hey, uh, what if we
just took all these eggs
right now and put them in the Dumpster
so we don't have to
do the stupid egg hunt?
Come on, Louise, you know how much
they love it. It's their time to shine.
Last year we didn't find the
last egg until 8:30 at night.
And they don't give us our candy
baskets from the Easter Bunny
till it's over.
It's the perfect crime.
I'm just saying, why don't
we just tell them we hate it?
It would break their hearts. I
don't think we should do that.
Ugh, okay, fine, but
feelings aren't Easter eggs,
- and I can't hide them forever.
- Good one.
Oh! I just thought
of a new hiding place.
Mm-hmm. Is it inside
the paper towel roll?
No.
I hate you.
Go to sleep, guys, or the
Easter Bunny won't come.
And don't come out of your
rooms, even if you have to pee.
Just pee in your beds.
Way ahead of you.
Look what I found on sale at Food World!
Jellybean schnapps.
Isn't it fun?
Theme drink.
Oh, God.
Oh, good.
This is amazing.
It's like all the flavors at once.
Right? It doesn't even taste
like it has alcohol in it.
How much does it have?
100 proof?
- Is that even legal?
- I think.
I-I mean the label's got
a lot of misspelled words.
And it looks like it's just taped on.
Did you buy it at a store?
Or did you just get it from a guy?
I got it in the parking lot.
I don't think Food World
sells in the parking lot.
Everything is in the store,
'cause that's where
you have to check out.
You know, I thought that.
Mm-hmm. It'll be fine, it'll be fine.
Smell it! It smells good.
Well, actually, it smells bad.
But it tastes good.
Exactly. Happy Easter.
Okay, same rules as always,
and mark your eggs down on the map
so we can make sure they all get found.
And whoever's egg is
found last is the winner.
- Let's have a clean fight.
- All right.
One more drink for motivation.
Okay, one more and then
it's time to get serious.
Then we'll schnapps drinking.
You get it?
Stop? Schnapps. Stop.
- Drink. Okay.
- No. Bob, you're babbling.
Huh. Yeah. Am I drunk alrea...
Oh, my God.
Oh. Ow.
Ow. I can feel my blinks.
They hurt so much.
Oh, I'm gonna barf.
I'm gonna barf. I'm gonna barf.
Wait. No, not yet. Oh, I'm too tired.
Lin, what happened last night?
Did we hide the eggs?
Oh, I don't know. I think so.
Oh, no, there's one in my hand.
Um, I'll just hide it here.
Under my pillow. Did you see?
Yeah, no. I can't... oh...
Hopefully I did a better
job with the rest of them.
Okay, I'm gonna go barf now.
Here I go. Getting up.
No, oh, no, I'm sitting
down. I'm sitting down.
I got to sit down. Oh, hi, kids!
Hey, are we doing this or what?
I need to get some jellybeans
in my face before midnight.
Please don't say "jellybeans."
- Jellybeans.
- Gene.
What's wrong with you guys?
We were just up late.
You smell like candy
and B.O. mixed together,
like a... homeless M&M.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but you both look like
Nicholas Cage right now.
Why don't you guys go
wait in the living room?
I'm just gonna sit and,
um, groan for a second.
Hear ye, hear ye.
Shh. Too loud, too loud.
Ye olde annual Belcher egg hunt...
What? I can't hear you!
Shh! I can't hear you now!
Okay, okay, Louise.
Ye olde annual Belcher
egg hunt is about to begin.
Remember to call out whose
egg it is when you find one,
because one of those
eggs will be the last.
And it will probably be mine.
And... a-go.
Get ready to lose, big talker.
You're the one that's gonna lose, Bob.
I hid my eggs great.
Actually, I don't know if I did.
Hey, do you remember
where any of your eggs are?
Not really. Where's the map?
Uh, oh, right, right,
right, map, the map.
Ooh, map is a no-go.
Did I write "Linda is a fart" on it?
Yeah. You did.
- That's hilarious.
- Eh. It's okay.
Uh, don't worry, I'm sure
they'll find the eggs.
I-I'm just gonna go
take some more aspirin.
How many can I take? Like, 20?
Yeah, that sounds right.
Oh, you know what? I'll take ten.
It's Mom's.
In the plunger. Sorry, Mom.
No, it's fun, it's fun.
Easter's fun.
- Come here, Gene.
- Yeah?
Don't find another egg
unless it's got a "D" on it.
Ha, ha.
Found one. It's Dad's.
Um, Tina, what if you just put it back?
Dad, that's cheating.
- I'll give you $500.
- I heard that!
- It's Mom's.
- Huh.
I feel like that was a hiding
place of mine last year.
That's weird. It's almost
like you remembered it
and then copied it
because it was so good.
Don't you need to go start the ham?
Ugh. You look like a
giant pink jellybean.
Just glaze me and get it over with.
- Sorry, Mom.
- Damn it!
We have 62 eggs.
And it's only 6:45 p.m.
Yeah. In the early evening.
Yeah. And we started at 7:00 a.m.
I remember that. It was so long ago.
I was young.
- My feet hurt.
- Um, may I suggest that we
could have some hints?
No! Hints make it less fun.
Trust us, they don't.
Aw, they're loving it.
I am getting hungry, though.
Is the ham ready?
Oh, let me check.
I never turned the oven on.
I-I think I might have
still been drunk earlier.
And now.
Should we order pizza?
Did you guys find the last egg yet?
No!
Louise, you're getting flour everywhere.
This is it! I did it!
Number 70.
- Whose is it?
- Is it mine?
It is a "D."
- No!
- Yes!
I am the king!
The king of eggs!
All right, here are your candy baskets.
Yeah!
Great hunt, everybody.
After you have a little candy, make sure
you get a good night's
sleep for a Beef Boom.
Time to strap on the old feed basket.
I'm not even tasting it, mm.
Remind me again, is it okay
to eat the Easter basket grass?
Ugh, what's that smell?
Smells like a Gene special.
I'm flattered, but it wasn't me.
Let's round up the usual suspects:
Tina's breath, Tina's
pits, Tina's shoes.
All good ideas.
No, I, I know that smell.
Me, too.
Oh, my God! It's an egg!
A rotten egg!
Aah! Oh, no.
Did we not find one of the eggs?
Last one to find the
rotten egg is a rotten egg.
That smell can't be an egg.
You kids dyed 72 in the restaurant,
and then Gene ate two.
We hid 70, we found 70.
Wrong, father, I ate one.
What? I told you to eat another one
so that we'd have an even number.
You said, "You got it, toots."
Uh, yeah, I meant it like,
"You've got it, toots,"
like you've got that certain something.
So there's still one
egg we haven't found.
And it could be mine.
The competition isn't over!
I could still win!
Isn't that fun, everybody?
It's not not fun.
Also, chances are, it's mine.
- But it's probably mine.
- Mine.
Ugh! This smell is worse than when Gene
kept a turkey sandwich as
a secret pet for a year.
Steve Turkel. He was my best friend.
Is it getting worse? It is, right?
Uh, w-we need to find
it, like right now.
We can't. We got to open for Beef Boom.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
We'll just have to look for it
at the end of the day.
Great, because we love
looking for eggs. Right, guys?
We love, love, love it. Hmm. Uh...
Missing egg, huh?
You know, same thing
happened to a family
on my street growing up.
- They had to move out.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah. City had to
burn the building down.
Uh, that can't be true.
Thanks for the masks, Teddy.
These will make it easier to search.
No problem.
Now we'll just be breathing in
this skanky perfume while we look.
"Sensational Gardens" is not skanky.
It's a distinctive
fragrance by Kelly Ripa.
Who is very classy and from New Jersey.
We checked everywhere, and it's late.
So maybe we should just go to bed.
Oh, I don't think I could
sleep with this smell.
Should we get a hotel room?
Yes. I'll make a call.
Something with a view. And robes.
Ooh, robes.
I think I know a much better place,
and it's far more affordable.
Family sleepover!
Isn't this fun?
It's even better than a hotel.
We got sleeping bags and some
free floor French fries...
Free floor ketchup.
That's blood.
And what if I told
you there's also a man
looking at us through the window?
- Even better.
- Oh, my God, it's Mr. Fischoeder.
Uh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
- Hi, Bob.
- Uh, if you're here for the rent,
we don't have the checkbook down here.
We also don't have the actual money.
- Um, in the bank.
- Bob.
Bob, it's, it's okay.
I was, not here for that.
I was... I was just on my
way to a brothel... uh...
brothelizer, uh... uh, showcase.
Uh... They're showing off this new thing
that tests how much
broth you've, uh, drunk.
- Well, that's...
- And anyway, and I saw you here
in your pajamas and I thought,
well, what the hell is that?
Uh, we lost an egg upstairs.
"Lost an egg upstairs"?
Is that an expression that, uh,
blue collar people use? Or...
No, we hid the Easter eggs,
and we can't find one of them
and it really smells up there.
Oh, dear, well, I hope
we don't have to burn
the whole building down
because of the smell.
Well, that doesn't really happen.
Oh, yes, it does, Bob.
Once certain smells set
into a place, you simply
can't get them out.
Maybe a hamster gets lost
or Grandma dies on a hot day in August
with a plate of potato
salad on her lap, say.
Aw...
And, uh, and rotten eggs?
Well, they're the worst.
Landlords call them "fire starters."
I-I'll try to remember
to give you a heads up
before my friend Arson Daly stops by.
Uh, we're gonna find the egg.
Yeah, uh, we're gonna find it.
It's just hidden really
well because I hid it.
- I-I probably hid it.
- No.
- I-I did.
- No, me.
So one of you hid it,
but neither of you knows where it is?
- We had some schnapps.
- Quite a bit.
Ah. Why didn't you say so?
I lost the year 1996 to schnapps.
I still don't know what the Macarena is.
D-Don't tell me. I'll figure it out.
We have to find that egg.
- _
- Wow, it's really bad.
It's unbelievably bad.
There's so much egg in the
air, we could scramble it.
Wait, Lin. What are you doing?
I read online that if you are
trying to remember something,
you should try to put yourself
back in the environment.
And the environment
I was in was schnapps.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Bob, I'm getting something.
Really? Yeah, I was here in the kitchen.
Uh, yes, we live here.
No, no, I was in the kitchen that night.
Come on, Linda. Remember.
♪ These eggs are hidden
and Linda is winnin' ♪
♪ 'Cause she is the
best and Bob is a mess. ♪
Air vent.
I know where it is.
Thanks for coming, Teddy.
We opened the air vent,
but we couldn't see it.
Oh, my God, the Sm...
Ugh, Teddy, ugh, hurry.
Must've rolled down the vent.
Hold the ladder, Bob.
- I'm getting in there.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna reach back here and, uh,
okay, I can feel something.
Yep, that's definitely an egg.
Oh, thank God. I knew it. I knew it.
I just got to get a better grip.
What? What? What?
What?!
- There's a monster in the wall!
- Oh, my God.
Aah! Something's in there,
and it's got the egg.
Oh. Are you guys gonna
be open for lunch today,
or, uh, what's the story?
Mmm, I'm telling you, that
thing had ahold of me good.
What do you think it was?
A bear maybe? Tiny dinosaur?
I-I would doubt that.
Maybe it was Aunt Gayle.
Yeah, we haven't seen her in a while.
She seems like she
could be a wall person.
A Wahlberg so to speak?
Are you guys serving lunch yet?
I know it's a little early, but, uh...
... I gave up beef for Lent and
I'm really excited to eat a...
Is there a horrible smell in here?
- No.
- Oh, God.
There is up in our house.
Want to come smell it?
- Five bucks.
- Uh, no, thank you.
Oh, crap, crap, crap.
It's in the restaurant.
We're not even smelling it anymore.
I-It's inside of us.
We are the smell now.
We have to close the restaurant.
Close the restaurant?
But it's Beef Boom.
Lin, it's better to lose
business for a couple hours
than be the place that
smells like rotten eggs
and lose business forever.
Is that from the Bible?
Hey. Was that a scrabbling?
That was definitely a scrabbling.
It's Aunt Gayle. She's on the move.
Wait a minute.
That thing's in the crawlspace.
That's why it smells down here.
It's moving the egg around.
Like I did to Mom in the womb.
We got to call animal control.
That'll take forever.
Time is Beef Boom money.
We've got to get that egg out of there.
Listen, I-I-I know the crawlspace.
We know. You tell us all the time.
I'm gonna go in there,
and I'm gonna try and get the egg.
Because you know the crawlspace so well.
- Yes.
- Dad, just one question.
- Do you know the crawlspace?
- Okay, guys, I get it.
Bob, I'm going with you.
I'm worried you don't
know the crawlspace
as well as you think you do.
Uh, you only have one jumpsuit?
What? I work for myself.
What, do you think I carry
around an extra jumpsuit
conveniently in your size?
Is that what you think, Bobby?
- I-I... it's fine.
- Huh?
- No.
- Okay, I do.
I was gonna give it to
you for your birthday
and, uh, surprise you,
but it's in the truck.
I'll go get it.
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
What-What does it say on it?
It says, "T.G.I.B." Thank God It's Bob.
You get it? T.G.I... I
switched the "B" for an "F."
- It's very clever.
- Yeah.
Are you guys in there? Can you see it?
Not yet. We're heading down
to the restaurant level now.
Okay, be careful.
We'll meet you down there.
- Dad?
- Yes, Tina.
If you die in the wall,
we'll name the restaurant after you.
Tina, I'm not gonna die in here.
That's right, Dad. Stay positive.
Oh, God, it smells really,
really bad right here.
We must be getting close.
Let-Let's-Let's climb down.
Oh, my God.
What? What is it, Bob?
Bob!
Bob, what happened?
I-I heard something hiss
right in front of my face,
a-and I got scared, and then I fell.
I-I-I fell-jumped gracefully.
I'm coming to get you, Bobby.
No, Teddy, stay up there.
I-It's in between the floors.
You jumped down.
Yeah. I didn't want you
to be alone down here, Bobby.
What's going on in there?
Teddy was right.
There's a horrible thing in here.
So everything's fine?
I'm gonna climb up and try
to see what it actually is.
Oh, God. Oh. Mm.
Oh, my God, it's a raccoon.
A raccoon?! Which one? Describe it.
Is it Little King Trash
Mouth and his husband Gary?
Oh, right, I forgot you guys
are crazy raccoon people.
What, just 'cause we watch
the raccoons in the alley?
It's fun. It's like a soap opera.
It's more like an HBO miniseries.
Lots of plot twists, some nudity.
You'd like it. You just got to catch up.
Is it the king?
No, it's definitely not
a him because it has babies.
Oh, a gay raccoon can't have babies?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess he could adopt
or have a surrogate.
Of course he could.
What does it look like?
It looks like a raccoon.
Bob, coloring, marking,
hairdo, anything distinctive.
Okay. Uh, well, it has
three black rings on its tail
and its ear kind of has a notch in it.
A gauge?
Has that reached the raccoon community?
It's Big Baby Pudding Snatcher.
I was wondering where she went.
Big Baby Pudding Snatcher. Of course.
Why do you call her Big
Baby Pudding Snatcher?
Why do you think, Bob?
Pudding cups, she snatches them.
From who?
Me, in the alley.
Why are you eating pudding in the alley?
Where else am I gonna eat it, Bob?
The bathroom? That's gross.
Let me in there. I'll
reason with her, mom to mom.
She's probably just
hormonal and not sleeping.
And I'm sure she's worried that
her body may never bounce back.
I don't think that's a good idea.
She seems pretty angry.
Uh, not to put us back on topic,
but did you happen to see the egg?
Right. L-Let me look again.
Uh, hi. Sorry to bother you.
Uh, congratulations, by the way.
What a beautiful family you have.
I was just looking for an egg, so...
I see it. I see the egg.
I'm gonna try and get it.
Oh, bad idea!
Okay, I think we have a problem.
W-We're-We're not getting that egg.
We're gonna have to
burn the building down
with Teddy and me inside.
As long as we're together.
We'll mix your ashes together
and make a manly potpourri.
- I miss Dad.
- I'm right here, Tina.
I know, but it's not the same.
Listen, I need you to find out
how to lure raccoons out of a wall
so I can grab the egg.
Somebody, get the laptop.
Look up "raccoon, babies, wall."
Are you sure we want that
in our search history?
There's such a thing as
search history? Uh-oh.
Uh, I'll-I'll get it.
I'll get the computer. I'll be, uh...
I might be a minute.
He looks at a lot of
exotic candy online.
Okay, I think I've got something.
This site says you can
sometimes drive raccoons out
by using what they
call "mild harassment."
Keep talking.
Um, they suggest loud
music and flashing lights.
Mm, that doesn't work
to get me out of the tub.
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, Amadeus ♪
♪ Come and rock me, Amadeus ♪
♪ Rock me, Amadeus... ♪
Are they leaving, Dad?
No. Can we try another station?
No, no, no. It's good.
After this one we can change it.
Are you flashing the light?
I'm flashing it. I'm-I'm shaking it.
It's not working.
Is there anything else we can try?
It's not the end of the world, Dad.
This site says they
will move on their own.
What? That's great.
Once the babies are nine weeks old.
How old are they, Dad?
I-I don't know, Tina.
They're small babies.
Okay, great. So in one to eight
weeks, this'll all be over.
Ugh, so the only option
is to go grab the egg,
and get my face scratched
off by a rabid raccoon?
We'll get you a better face.
You'll finally make sense with Mom.
She's not rabid, Bob. She's a mom.
She's looking out for her
kids. It's not her fault.
You're right, Lin. It's your fault!
What?! My fault?
Yes! You put an egg in a vent!
You're just mad 'cause
that's my egg in there,
and I won and you know it.
No, this isn't a win.
You don't get to win when you cheated.
Guys, don't you see?
This is tearing us apart.
Bob, you're ruining the egg hunt.
No, you are!
Stop! You both ruined it!
The egg hunt isn't fun for us!
It's all about your stupid competition.
We don't like it!
Louise, I never.
And Tina and Gene feel the same way.
Okay, she's right, we do.
- What?
- You don't like the egg hunt?
It's not that we don't like
it, it's just that we hate it.
You hate it?
Um, are we supposed to like it?
I mean, are Easter egg hunts for kids?
We thought they were for grown-ups.
Well, then why do you kids do
it then if you hate it so much?
Because it seems like
it makes you happy,
and even though it makes us unhappy,
we do it and we hate it.
Aw, that's sweet.
Well, I do it for the candy.
Okay, 75% candy, 25% you guys.
I would never eat candy
that was 25% you guys.
Maybe you definitely have a point.
We might have gotten carried
away with our egg competition.
I mean, I'm stuck in
a wall with a raccoon,
and Mr. Fischoeder is gonna
burn down our apartment.
So, no more Easter egg hunt?
That's a little extreme.
Maybe we could just cut
back a little, you know?
Yeah, just hide, like, three eggs.
Uh, guys, I'm really glad
we worked this all out,
but I'm still in a wall
with an angry raccoon
and a very disgusting egg.
And me, your best friend.
Right, right, right, the egg
and Big Baby Pudding Snatcher.
That's it.
- What?
- Pudding.
Teddy, I got the
boards up like you said!
Great job, Linda!
I knew you'd be good at it.
You've got floorboard hands.
Thank you!
Okay, everybody. Open your pudding cups.
And drop!
Pudding in the hole!
I hear her, she's coming.
Dad, now!
We did it!
We're free! We're free!
Oh, God, this egg.
Ugh! The smell.
Give it to me. I'll
take it to the ocean.
Out of the way. Rotten egg.
Where's Teddy going?
To throw the egg in the ocean.
It's the circle of life.
I can still smell it.
Dad, you're gonna have
to burn that jumpsuit.
Hey, we should burn
all of Dad's clothes.
Ooh! Fun fashion bonfire, yes, baby.
- No.
- Yeah, and in your face, Bob, I won.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.