Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 6, Episode 8 - Sexy Dance Healing - full transcript
Oh, oh, he's got one.
False alarm.
I really thought
that was gonna be it.
Wait, wait...
Huh?
(groans)
You know, like, "Say cheese."
It comes with cheese.
Yeah, it's really good.
No, it's not.
It's just a cheeseburger.
Cheese on a burger?
You broke it wide open, Dad.
Well, it's better
than the "Let Us Catch Up Burger."
With lettuce and ketchup.
So you're in a little slump.
You know what you should do?
Take a walk to the store
and look at some produce.
Maybe you'll get inspired.
Yeah, maybe I should.
And if that doesn't work,
just take peyote,
like in the old days.
Right.
(bell jingles)
Maybe something pickled.
Pickled something...
Ugh, what is wrong with me...
(grunts) Ow!
MAN: Are you okay?
No. Ow.
Oh, I went down pretty hard.
Oh, uh, Bob?
Jairo? Oh, come on.
I thought I recognized
those whimpers of pain.
(groans) God, why is
this sidewalk so slippery?
Oh, it is excess sandalwood oil
I use it for massage.
So you dumped oil
onto the sidewalk?
You make that sound bad.
People will fall, Jairo.
I just fell.
You did.
You fell down, go boom.
(groans) Ugh, I think
my shoulder is broken.
It's not broken.
If it was broken,
you would know it.
Oh, don't say that.
That's just
something people say.
I'll see what a doctor says.
It's not broken.
If it was broken, you'd know it.
It's a torn labrum.
Oh, my God, a torn labrum!
What's a labrum?
It's the middle part of your wiener.
No!
Close. The labrum is
cartilage in our shoulders
that helps us do movements
like this and this.
All right!
(chuckling): All right.
Well, I don't do
a lot of high-fiving,
but I'm worried I'm not
gonna be able to cook.
Oh, you should.
I should what?
You should high-five.
Okay.
So when will I be able
to do that... and cook?
Right after the rehab
that's right after
the surgery that you need.
Wait, I need surgery?!
(chuckling): Yeah.
Sandra!
Sandra!
Sandra!
Sandra! Gene. Sandra!
This is fun.
It is fun.
Sandra!
Sandra! Louise. Sandra?
(chuckling): Where is she?
Sandra!
Sandra!
Were you guys calling me?
Hey, look, it's Sandra.
So I checked your insurance,
and your deductible is high.
How high?
Really high, $6,000 high.
Ouch. I mean, totally worth it.
But you slipped in oil, right?
Yeah.
And someone poured it there?
Right.
Just sue the guy.
I like Sandra.
Sandra!
(laughs)
I don't know.
I don't want to sue anyone.
You know what they say...
"If you don't sue,
shame on you."
I don't think people say that.
If you don't sue, shame on you.
Oh, so people do say that.
Listen, your case
is very strong.
I'm sure we can sue Jairo
for damages, lost wages,
pain and suffering...
the deluxe package.
I say we ask for 300,000,
settle for two.
$200,000?
Jairo doesn't have
that kind of money.
He's mystical and handsome,
but he's not rich.
He's rich in abs.
N-No, we only need, like, 6,000.
I see. I'm thinking
maybe my hourly rate
would better suit this suit.
(chuckles) Get it?
(chuckles) This guy.
I like it.
Um, uh, that could work.
All right, what I can do for you
is encourage Jairo to pay
for your surgery
with a strongly worded letter
on my letterhead.
Interesting.
Just sending
a letter could work?
Well, you'd be surprised
how many doors
a letter from a lawyer can open.
Or close.
It seems like you're
talking slower,
since you started
charging by the hour.
(slowly):
No, this is the speed I talk.
But that reminds me
of a funny story.
Oh, I want to hear
a funny story.
(chuckling):
Once when I was in law school...
(laughs) No, no, no,
let's not tell stories.
We should go.
We're off the clock.
Thank you. Bye.
Bye.
"It Takes Bun To Know Bun."
Served on a fancy bun. Huh.
I don't want to talk about it.
Me neither.
Bob, this letter says
I am liable for your labrum.
I am liable for no one's labrum.
Look, I really didn't want
to get a lawyer involved,
but unless you pay
for my surgery,
we're gonna have to sue you.
Hello, Jairo.
I see you're looking tan
and perfect, as usual.
Good for you.
Thank you, Tina.
So, Bob, who said
you need surgery?
My doctor.
A doctor? (scoffs)
What does that sound mean?
(repeats scoff) You don't
know what that means?
It's, um... I think I do, it's
just that you're doing it weird.
I am not doing it weird
at all. You do it.
(scoffs) That's I'm doing.
(scoffs)
(chuckles)
That's not... (scoffs)
(scoffs) Well,
I think you're both nailing it.
Hmm, you look like
you are in pain.
(grunts) I am in pain.
Because I fell
on your oily sidewalk,
and I can't chop onions
or flip burgers or make a fist.
Perhaps I can help.
(inhales deeply) Um...
(Jairo grunts)
Please stop touching me.
Now try to make a fist.
You made a fist.
I... I did.
How'd you do that?
I am a healer.
Bob, let me work with you
instead of you getting
this painful super-yucky surgery
you so-call say you need.
You really think
you can heal Bob?
How about this?
If I can't heal you
in ten sessions,
I'll pay for your surgery.
(sighs) Fine.
Ah, the healing has begun.
(groans)
Let me in on that.
Okay.
I want some of that.
Okay. (chanting): Heal our dad.
Heal his disgusting broken body!
Is everyone liking
the font? Yes? Good.
We have just created
the very real-sounding law firm
of Fromage, Schuster
and Pitz-Lopez.
We sure we don't want to go with
Daddy, Grandpa and the Beaver?
Pretty sure. So what's
our first suit?
I think a letter from
our attorneys might get Miss Selbo
to back off
with all those tardy slips.
Yeah, tardiness happens.
Deal with it, Selbo!
There's the patient. I made you
a big breakfast for your healing
I'm not supposed to eat.
Jairo said to arrive
with an empty stomach,
an open mind and no underwear.
Dibs on Dad's underwear.
I'm wearing underwear.
Oh, boo.
And I'm eating this.
But your mind's open,
right, honey?
Mmm, not really. Bye.
JAIRO: Okay, Bob,
let's explore your lifestyle.
Describe the color
and personality
of your bowel movements.
Mm, no.
Just give me some key words.
Are they perky, shy, clingy?
You know what,
this was a mistake.
I-I should just get the surgery.
JAIRO (jabbering):
Ajabuttabuta...
(Bob groaning)
Ah, how do you do that?
Take off the sling crutch,
and take off your clothes,
starting with the underwear.
It's time for a massage.
Wait, h-how'd you know
I was wearing underwear?
You have underwear face.
(bell ringing) TINA: So, yeah.
Unless you want to get hit
with a lawsuit,
you'll be taking
these tardy slips back.
'Kay? Sorry.
We're late because we care!
Do you know how long it takes
to put this together?
Let's go to work
on your shoulder.
(groans) That's not my shoulder.
Before we walked upright,
our buttocks were our shoulders.
And I found a knot.
Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow.
You're holding stress
everywhere I touch.
There is a knot.
(Bob groans)
Oh, a double-knot.
Do you feel that?
Yes, pressing on knots
hurts a lot. Ow!
Hmm, I wouldn't know.
I've never had one.
To heal you,
we must heal the stress.
So what is causing
all your stress?
I-I don't know.
I guess, um, uh, money?
Money? What a silly thing
to stress about.
You silly money goose.
(groans) Okay, so, wait,
you don't worry about money?
Don't you pay rent here?
I teach capoeira to make things
other than money,
such as fit bodies
and healthy non-clingy bowels.
Speaking of which,
our first session is over.
Here, you have earned this.
What is that?
The yellow scrunchy of trust.
And here's this.
What's this for?
You are dripping with oil.
I used too much.
The-the little cap came off.
Whoa.
Watch your step! Whoa!
Whoa. Oop.
Hup! Hey-oh!
Help.
Heh-dup, hup-hup!
(door bell jingles) So how
was your first day of healing?
You know, actually, my shoulder
feels a little better.
That's great. What you got
on your wrist there?
Oh, this? I-I...
I don't know.
I guess I earned it.
Is that a scrunchy?
Um, uh, yeah.
Give it to me.
I'll put it in my hair. Okay, uh...
Well, no, you know what,
I'm gonna keep it.
So, Bob, burger of the day, huh?
Oh, the "Head, Shoulders,
Knees, and Tomatoes" burger.
Is it okay?
It's fine.
I mean, it's a burger
with tomatoes on it.
Well, that, yeah, that's
what I was going for.
Right. Well, you did it.
You're gonna come out
of this slump, don't worry.
All great artists have slumps.
Hey, let me be your muse, Bob.
Okay.
Look at me. Look.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. What is...
What are you thinking?
I don't...
Is anything coming?
Look, look.
I think you're...
Uh, like you're in
an aerobics class?
Shh, sh-sh-shh.
Look at me and think.
Clear your mind.
Let it wash over you, Bobby.
I'm your muse, look at me.
And the burger
of the day is what?
I-I just don't know if
that's the way it works.
Look at me now. Look at me now,
what are you thinking? Oh, my God.
JAIRO: This is my body
feeling good.
This is my body feeling good.
This is my bowels feeling good.
This is my bowels feeling good.
This is me tickling you.
(laughing): Hey, hey.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Stop... (laughs)
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Whoo, whoo-whoo ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Cease and desist ♪
♪ 'Cause I know I can't
resist you, baby ♪
♪ This is not
just a chance to run ♪
♪ Or keep on doing
my exercises, baby ♪
♪ Cease and desist, 'cause you
know I can't resist you, baby ♪
♪ As you can tell by my wrist,
I'm gonna keep on doin'... ♪
And pop, pop.
(groaning)
Again. Pop.
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
(doctor humming)
Uh, Bob?
Oh, hey, Doc.
You never scheduled
your surgery.
Oh, uh, yeah, I'm, uh,
I'm working with him now.
Who are you?
I am Bob's healer.
Uh, my shoulder's actually
feeling pretty good.
Okay, but can you high-five?
D-Do you think I'm ready?
High-five away, Bob.
(sighs) Okay.
I did it!
Wow, I've seen a torn labrum
blast a fiver like that.
Impressive.
Keep up the good work, guys.
(resumes humming)
♪ ♪
"Labrum-ham" Lincoln
in the house.
What's going on, Jairo?
I've been evicted.
What? Why?
I wasn't supposed
to be living in my studio,
but I had to because of what
happened with my apartment.
Well, what happened
with your apartment?
I was evicted.
I don't get all
stressed out about money,
but my landlord does.
Mr. Fishsticks.
Wait, you mean Mr. Fischoeder?
He's my landlord too.
I-I'd offer to talk to him
for you, but I'm, uh...
I'm kind of avoiding him.
Well, I have no place to live.
I have no place to heal.
Right, you have
no place to heal.
But the universe will provide,
like a pigeon
who flies into
a bread-crumb vending machine.
Do they have those here?
Wait a minute, Jairo...
I'm your breadcrumb
vending machine.
Guess who's coming to stay
with us for a while?
Me? Is it me?
Oh. Probably him, right?
'Cause he's got
all of his stuff.
Yeah.
So, not me, then.
(capoeira music playing)
Hello. Hi.
How are you?
(making rhythmic noises)
Good morning, Bob.
Join us.
Oh, uh, no, no, that's okay.
Oh, come on, your shoulder
is ready for capoeira.
Yeah, but the rest of me isn't.
Well, just try and not
move to these rhythms.
(making rhythmic sounds)
Pandeiro!
(makes rhythmic sounds)
Brasil!
(makes rhythmic sounds)
Rio Janeiro!
Mom!
What? What is it?
There's something
you need to see.
(gasps)
You married that.
GENE: And now he's
Jairo's plaything.
Where's Tina going?
Got room for one more?
(grunting) Can you just, um,
can you move a little?
Thanks.
HILDY: "Our client
is entitled to extra
taco fillings."
What is this crap?
Hildy, do you want this to get
tied up in the courts for years?
Or do you want to just
give me the extra fillings
and send me on my way?
Ugh.
Thank you!
Did anyone else
see Dad wearing sandals...
on his feet?
Yes.
Yes.
And what is that stuff
he keeps burning?
Sage.
Sage.
At first I thought
it was kind of funny
that he was getting
"healed" by Jairo,
but now it's starting
to freak me out.
Me, too!
I farted up the shower
before he got in
and you know what he said?
Namaste.
That son of a bitch.
JAIRO: Mmm... good smoothie.
Not too much broccoli?
There is no such thing
as what you just said.
(exhales)
All right, let me take
a shot at this.
Uh, Bob?
Are you okay?
Your buttocks look stressed.
Like they have a test tomorrow.
No, I'm fine.
I-I'm just hoping this smoothie
will help me come up
with a burger of the day.
What's a "burger of the day"?
Well, it's this thing I do.
I come up with a special burger,
every day.
People love it.
Well, Teddy loves it.
It's been a few weeks
since I've come up
with a really good one.
I'm, uh... I'm kind of
in a little slump.
A new burger, every single day?
But every day
is a different day.
Must be stressful.
Uh, yeah, it can be
a little stressful,
but I... I like doing it.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Let's pop that shirt off
and dig around.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Yes... this makes sense.
Wh... what?
There's this one knot
I can't break up.
Oh! That really hurts.
We've found the mother-knot.
The mother-knot?
The knot caused by
your biggest stress in life...
your burgers of the days.
Well, that's crazy. Oh!
Bob, we've finally uncovered
why the universe
brought us together.
No, you're...
you're my healer
because I fell on your oily
sidewalk while I was...
trying to think of
the burger of the day.
Oh, my God, the universe
did bring us together!
Then it is settled.
You're going to stop
doing burgers of the day.
W-Well, no,
I don't know about that.
How about this:
give it up for one day.
Let your chalk sleep today.
Leave it on
its little sleeping ledge.
Look how cute the chalk.
(whispering):
He's so cute and quiet.
He's sleeping.
All right, well,
maybe just for one day,
I'll take a break.
Shh!
Oh, sorry.
The chalk is trying to sleep.
Right.
(grunts)
Red? Yes!
Oh! Sorry, not the red one.
That is Jairo's
special scrunchy.
Give it back, please.
Give-give it...
Oh...
(sing-song):
But here's a nice orange one...
Oh!
♪ ♪
Eh, Bob?
Yeah?
Uh, what-what's up
with the, uh...
huh-huh, huh-huh.
Oh, the burger of the day?
I'm not doing it today.
What? You do it every day.
Well, not today, Teddy.
And you know, I feel fine.
I might not do one tomorrow.
What? Linda!
You know about this?
You know about the burger board?
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know about the burger board.
I know, Teddy.
Bob's turned into
a real Brazil nut.
This is crazy! You're crazy!
You do burgers of the day.
Every day.
Teddy...
A new burger, every day!
It's the only constant
in my life!
Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...
No, no, no, get off of me!
Teddy! Teddy!
Get off of me!
When I come back tomorrow,
there better be a friggin'
burger on that board!
You hear me, Bob?
Yeah.
Do you hear me?! BOB: Bye.
I'm sorry, sir, I know
you're enjoying your lunch.
Put a burger on that board!
(bell tinkles)
Uh, why is Teddy walking in
the street trying to punch cars?
He's overreacting because I... TINA:
The burger of the day board is blank!
The burger of the day board
is blank!
Ahh!
Your father's
not doing it today.
Or maybe ever again.
According to Jairo,
they were "stressing him out."
But it's blank!
You kids can write something
up there if you want.
You know, one of
your joke burgers or something.
What?! It's no fun
if you want us to!
All right, do it or don't do it.
It's fine either way.
Does anyone want
a broccoli smoothie?
No! I hate you!
Maybe a sip!
That's it,
we gotta get rid of Jairo.
Time for Fromage, Schuster,
and Pitz-Lopez to take over.
(bell tinkles)
Did you put this phony
cease-and-desist letter
under Jairo's door?
Give it to me!
Give it to me! Phony?
That looks real to me.
Look at that font.
Roman numerals.
Must be real.
Bob, if you wanted me to leave,
you could've just told me.
You didn't have to threaten me
with "death by scrunchy."
Kids, did you do this?
We're not at liberty to discuss...
Louise...
Fine! We wrote that letter.
But you left us no choice!
You've changed, man.
You've changed.
My client isn't going anywhere.
Your client?
You're our lawyer.
In the case of Bob v. Jairo,
I'm Bob's lawyer.
But in Jairo v. Bob,
I'm Jairo's lawyer.
How is that legal?
They're totally different cases.
But what's not legal
is the eviction of
a good-looking tenant
who has a verbal contract
to stay here for free.
Did you just say
"good-looking tenant"?
That's the law.
This guy's amazing.
Tom, I love your energy.
I love your energy.
You're my favorite client.
Uh, thanks.
Kids, you can't go around
threatening people
with letters from fake lawyers.
We can and we have.
And it was fun and it worked!
Until it didn't.
Well, now we're stuck
with friggin' Jairo.
Listen, having Jairo
in our basement
is a good thing.
He's helped me in a lot of ways.
He's not just a shoulder shaman.
Why am I listening to you?
Is it because you're crouching?
Yeah, since when have
you been able to crouch?
Only recently.
You've changed, man.
And you don't miss
making burgers of the day?
At all?
I do not...
miss it... at all.
I'm totally... content.
Yup, yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Come on, emergency kids-only
under the table meeting, now!
All right, trying to evict
Jairo sort of backfired.
So what we need to do now
is get Jairo un-evicted
from his old place.
How are we gonna do that?
By taking our case to the top.
(gasps) Beyoncé?
Close.
Now make me look like a lion.
Mr. Fischoeder,
you've been served.
Okay, it'll be ready
in ten minutes, bye!
To-go order, Bobby!
"Four burgers of the day." Lin?
Yeah.
We don't serve those anymore.
Oh, right.
Well, uh, they're
coming in ten minutes,
so cook 'em something.
Okay, let's see here now...
"...pursuant to Orville vs. Redenbacher..."
Mm-hmm.
Blah, blah, blah...
"habeas porpoise," blah,
blah, blah... Mm-hmm.
"Reverse-evict Jairo."
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm... (sniffs)
Blueberry-scented marker.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, blueberry.
We pay extra for that.
Well, I smell a fake lawyer
in the mix here.
What? What?!
How dare you!
You got us.
Tina!
Yes. I use fake lawyers myself
from time to time.
I once stopped these
very wharf workers from unionizing
with a rather playful letter
on a very threatening
letterhead.
Interesting.
I bet you wouldn't want them
to find that out, would you?
Oh, why did I say
that to someone
who wants something from me?
I thought we were cool.
BOB: I'm not doing it.
I'm not cooking
a burger of the day.
All right, fine, whatever.
I'm just making regular burgers.
Regular, stress-free burgers.
Uh-huh.
You know what?
I'll see what's in the fridge
and I'll just slap something on.
But I am not gonna name it.
Great, now I'm stressed.
And I'm running out of time.
And there's thyme.
Huh, egg.
Lin!
What...?
Linda!
What?
Runny out of thyme!
What?
Runny fried egg and thyme!
The "Runny Out Of Thyme Burger!"
Oh. Oh!
It's the best one
I've come up with in weeks!
Oh, he's back!
I'm back, baby!
Ha-ha, whoo!
Uh, Bob, will you
hold my ponytail
while I do some
upside-down push-ups?
Hold on a minute.
What's going on with this?
Oh, I came up with
a burger of the day
that I'm really proud of.
I'm confused.
You gave them up.
Because they are stress makers.
Well, they're also happy makers.
Hey, we should call them
"happy meals." Oh, wait...
You were finally at peace,
like a pigeon who found
a jar of peanut butter.
Jairo, you know I love
your pigeon analogies,
but I think I need
to wake up every day
and wrestle with this,
and create something.
And that can be stressful,
but it's worth it.
There's my Bob.
There's my stressful Bob.
Your body will turn back
into a knotted, rotted thing.
It will creak like a boat.
I like his creaking.
I know where he is in the dark.
Then I must go.
What?
You can still stay here
until you find another place.
No. Your... your stress will
make it all stressy in here.
Where you gonna go?
I don't... know.
Maybe I need to change
the way I live...
buy a jacket...
Hit the bricks, Jairo!
You can move back
into your old place.
Oh, everything's fine!
No changes for Jairo!
Really, Mr. Fischoeder?
You'll take Jairo back?
Well, if it means avoiding
another worker uprising...
which aren't as fun
as they used to be,
now that workers
are considered "people."
Thank you, Mr. Fishsticks.
That'll teach me
to be honest with children.
Good-bye, Belcher family.
And Bob, you earned this.
(gasps) The red one!
Oh, whoops, sorry about that.
I meant to give you
the purple one.
Oh. O-Okay.
The chalkboard! It's not blank!
It's alive again!
A to-go order busted
your father out of his slump.
Yeah, what's taking
them so long?
Their burgers are
gonna get cold.
Um, they're not coming.
What? They're not?
Yeah, no, there wasn't
really a to-go order.
I made it up.
And it worked!
I am your muse!
Ha! Muse-dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
But the burgers are real.
(gobbling)
Huh. It's kind of weird
not having Jairo around.
(door bell tinkles)
Jairo's back.
Totally forgot, I'm supposed
to teach a class right now.
Would it be cool if we...
Go ahead.
Use the basement.
Thank you, Bob, you're the best.
TEDDY: There's something
on the board.
There's something on the board!
Bobby, make me one of those!
But hold the egg.
That sounds gross.
And the thyme.
Do you know what?
Just do the tomato one!
I'm coming in!
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ Beh, beh, beh, beh-teh,
beh, teh, beh-beh ♪
♪ Beh, beh, beh, beh-teh,
beh, teh, beh-beh... ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪
False alarm.
I really thought
that was gonna be it.
Wait, wait...
Huh?
(groans)
You know, like, "Say cheese."
It comes with cheese.
Yeah, it's really good.
No, it's not.
It's just a cheeseburger.
Cheese on a burger?
You broke it wide open, Dad.
Well, it's better
than the "Let Us Catch Up Burger."
With lettuce and ketchup.
So you're in a little slump.
You know what you should do?
Take a walk to the store
and look at some produce.
Maybe you'll get inspired.
Yeah, maybe I should.
And if that doesn't work,
just take peyote,
like in the old days.
Right.
(bell jingles)
Maybe something pickled.
Pickled something...
Ugh, what is wrong with me...
(grunts) Ow!
MAN: Are you okay?
No. Ow.
Oh, I went down pretty hard.
Oh, uh, Bob?
Jairo? Oh, come on.
I thought I recognized
those whimpers of pain.
(groans) God, why is
this sidewalk so slippery?
Oh, it is excess sandalwood oil
I use it for massage.
So you dumped oil
onto the sidewalk?
You make that sound bad.
People will fall, Jairo.
I just fell.
You did.
You fell down, go boom.
(groans) Ugh, I think
my shoulder is broken.
It's not broken.
If it was broken,
you would know it.
Oh, don't say that.
That's just
something people say.
I'll see what a doctor says.
It's not broken.
If it was broken, you'd know it.
It's a torn labrum.
Oh, my God, a torn labrum!
What's a labrum?
It's the middle part of your wiener.
No!
Close. The labrum is
cartilage in our shoulders
that helps us do movements
like this and this.
All right!
(chuckling): All right.
Well, I don't do
a lot of high-fiving,
but I'm worried I'm not
gonna be able to cook.
Oh, you should.
I should what?
You should high-five.
Okay.
So when will I be able
to do that... and cook?
Right after the rehab
that's right after
the surgery that you need.
Wait, I need surgery?!
(chuckling): Yeah.
Sandra!
Sandra!
Sandra!
Sandra! Gene. Sandra!
This is fun.
It is fun.
Sandra!
Sandra! Louise. Sandra?
(chuckling): Where is she?
Sandra!
Sandra!
Were you guys calling me?
Hey, look, it's Sandra.
So I checked your insurance,
and your deductible is high.
How high?
Really high, $6,000 high.
Ouch. I mean, totally worth it.
But you slipped in oil, right?
Yeah.
And someone poured it there?
Right.
Just sue the guy.
I like Sandra.
Sandra!
(laughs)
I don't know.
I don't want to sue anyone.
You know what they say...
"If you don't sue,
shame on you."
I don't think people say that.
If you don't sue, shame on you.
Oh, so people do say that.
Listen, your case
is very strong.
I'm sure we can sue Jairo
for damages, lost wages,
pain and suffering...
the deluxe package.
I say we ask for 300,000,
settle for two.
$200,000?
Jairo doesn't have
that kind of money.
He's mystical and handsome,
but he's not rich.
He's rich in abs.
N-No, we only need, like, 6,000.
I see. I'm thinking
maybe my hourly rate
would better suit this suit.
(chuckles) Get it?
(chuckles) This guy.
I like it.
Um, uh, that could work.
All right, what I can do for you
is encourage Jairo to pay
for your surgery
with a strongly worded letter
on my letterhead.
Interesting.
Just sending
a letter could work?
Well, you'd be surprised
how many doors
a letter from a lawyer can open.
Or close.
It seems like you're
talking slower,
since you started
charging by the hour.
(slowly):
No, this is the speed I talk.
But that reminds me
of a funny story.
Oh, I want to hear
a funny story.
(chuckling):
Once when I was in law school...
(laughs) No, no, no,
let's not tell stories.
We should go.
We're off the clock.
Thank you. Bye.
Bye.
"It Takes Bun To Know Bun."
Served on a fancy bun. Huh.
I don't want to talk about it.
Me neither.
Bob, this letter says
I am liable for your labrum.
I am liable for no one's labrum.
Look, I really didn't want
to get a lawyer involved,
but unless you pay
for my surgery,
we're gonna have to sue you.
Hello, Jairo.
I see you're looking tan
and perfect, as usual.
Good for you.
Thank you, Tina.
So, Bob, who said
you need surgery?
My doctor.
A doctor? (scoffs)
What does that sound mean?
(repeats scoff) You don't
know what that means?
It's, um... I think I do, it's
just that you're doing it weird.
I am not doing it weird
at all. You do it.
(scoffs) That's I'm doing.
(scoffs)
(chuckles)
That's not... (scoffs)
(scoffs) Well,
I think you're both nailing it.
Hmm, you look like
you are in pain.
(grunts) I am in pain.
Because I fell
on your oily sidewalk,
and I can't chop onions
or flip burgers or make a fist.
Perhaps I can help.
(inhales deeply) Um...
(Jairo grunts)
Please stop touching me.
Now try to make a fist.
You made a fist.
I... I did.
How'd you do that?
I am a healer.
Bob, let me work with you
instead of you getting
this painful super-yucky surgery
you so-call say you need.
You really think
you can heal Bob?
How about this?
If I can't heal you
in ten sessions,
I'll pay for your surgery.
(sighs) Fine.
Ah, the healing has begun.
(groans)
Let me in on that.
Okay.
I want some of that.
Okay. (chanting): Heal our dad.
Heal his disgusting broken body!
Is everyone liking
the font? Yes? Good.
We have just created
the very real-sounding law firm
of Fromage, Schuster
and Pitz-Lopez.
We sure we don't want to go with
Daddy, Grandpa and the Beaver?
Pretty sure. So what's
our first suit?
I think a letter from
our attorneys might get Miss Selbo
to back off
with all those tardy slips.
Yeah, tardiness happens.
Deal with it, Selbo!
There's the patient. I made you
a big breakfast for your healing
I'm not supposed to eat.
Jairo said to arrive
with an empty stomach,
an open mind and no underwear.
Dibs on Dad's underwear.
I'm wearing underwear.
Oh, boo.
And I'm eating this.
But your mind's open,
right, honey?
Mmm, not really. Bye.
JAIRO: Okay, Bob,
let's explore your lifestyle.
Describe the color
and personality
of your bowel movements.
Mm, no.
Just give me some key words.
Are they perky, shy, clingy?
You know what,
this was a mistake.
I-I should just get the surgery.
JAIRO (jabbering):
Ajabuttabuta...
(Bob groaning)
Ah, how do you do that?
Take off the sling crutch,
and take off your clothes,
starting with the underwear.
It's time for a massage.
Wait, h-how'd you know
I was wearing underwear?
You have underwear face.
(bell ringing) TINA: So, yeah.
Unless you want to get hit
with a lawsuit,
you'll be taking
these tardy slips back.
'Kay? Sorry.
We're late because we care!
Do you know how long it takes
to put this together?
Let's go to work
on your shoulder.
(groans) That's not my shoulder.
Before we walked upright,
our buttocks were our shoulders.
And I found a knot.
Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow.
You're holding stress
everywhere I touch.
There is a knot.
(Bob groans)
Oh, a double-knot.
Do you feel that?
Yes, pressing on knots
hurts a lot. Ow!
Hmm, I wouldn't know.
I've never had one.
To heal you,
we must heal the stress.
So what is causing
all your stress?
I-I don't know.
I guess, um, uh, money?
Money? What a silly thing
to stress about.
You silly money goose.
(groans) Okay, so, wait,
you don't worry about money?
Don't you pay rent here?
I teach capoeira to make things
other than money,
such as fit bodies
and healthy non-clingy bowels.
Speaking of which,
our first session is over.
Here, you have earned this.
What is that?
The yellow scrunchy of trust.
And here's this.
What's this for?
You are dripping with oil.
I used too much.
The-the little cap came off.
Whoa.
Watch your step! Whoa!
Whoa. Oop.
Hup! Hey-oh!
Help.
Heh-dup, hup-hup!
(door bell jingles) So how
was your first day of healing?
You know, actually, my shoulder
feels a little better.
That's great. What you got
on your wrist there?
Oh, this? I-I...
I don't know.
I guess I earned it.
Is that a scrunchy?
Um, uh, yeah.
Give it to me.
I'll put it in my hair. Okay, uh...
Well, no, you know what,
I'm gonna keep it.
So, Bob, burger of the day, huh?
Oh, the "Head, Shoulders,
Knees, and Tomatoes" burger.
Is it okay?
It's fine.
I mean, it's a burger
with tomatoes on it.
Well, that, yeah, that's
what I was going for.
Right. Well, you did it.
You're gonna come out
of this slump, don't worry.
All great artists have slumps.
Hey, let me be your muse, Bob.
Okay.
Look at me. Look.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. What is...
What are you thinking?
I don't...
Is anything coming?
Look, look.
I think you're...
Uh, like you're in
an aerobics class?
Shh, sh-sh-shh.
Look at me and think.
Clear your mind.
Let it wash over you, Bobby.
I'm your muse, look at me.
And the burger
of the day is what?
I-I just don't know if
that's the way it works.
Look at me now. Look at me now,
what are you thinking? Oh, my God.
JAIRO: This is my body
feeling good.
This is my body feeling good.
This is my bowels feeling good.
This is my bowels feeling good.
This is me tickling you.
(laughing): Hey, hey.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Stop... (laughs)
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Whoo, whoo-whoo ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Cease and desist ♪
♪ 'Cause I know I can't
resist you, baby ♪
♪ This is not
just a chance to run ♪
♪ Or keep on doing
my exercises, baby ♪
♪ Cease and desist, 'cause you
know I can't resist you, baby ♪
♪ As you can tell by my wrist,
I'm gonna keep on doin'... ♪
And pop, pop.
(groaning)
Again. Pop.
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
(doctor humming)
Uh, Bob?
Oh, hey, Doc.
You never scheduled
your surgery.
Oh, uh, yeah, I'm, uh,
I'm working with him now.
Who are you?
I am Bob's healer.
Uh, my shoulder's actually
feeling pretty good.
Okay, but can you high-five?
D-Do you think I'm ready?
High-five away, Bob.
(sighs) Okay.
I did it!
Wow, I've seen a torn labrum
blast a fiver like that.
Impressive.
Keep up the good work, guys.
(resumes humming)
♪ ♪
"Labrum-ham" Lincoln
in the house.
What's going on, Jairo?
I've been evicted.
What? Why?
I wasn't supposed
to be living in my studio,
but I had to because of what
happened with my apartment.
Well, what happened
with your apartment?
I was evicted.
I don't get all
stressed out about money,
but my landlord does.
Mr. Fishsticks.
Wait, you mean Mr. Fischoeder?
He's my landlord too.
I-I'd offer to talk to him
for you, but I'm, uh...
I'm kind of avoiding him.
Well, I have no place to live.
I have no place to heal.
Right, you have
no place to heal.
But the universe will provide,
like a pigeon
who flies into
a bread-crumb vending machine.
Do they have those here?
Wait a minute, Jairo...
I'm your breadcrumb
vending machine.
Guess who's coming to stay
with us for a while?
Me? Is it me?
Oh. Probably him, right?
'Cause he's got
all of his stuff.
Yeah.
So, not me, then.
(capoeira music playing)
Hello. Hi.
How are you?
(making rhythmic noises)
Good morning, Bob.
Join us.
Oh, uh, no, no, that's okay.
Oh, come on, your shoulder
is ready for capoeira.
Yeah, but the rest of me isn't.
Well, just try and not
move to these rhythms.
(making rhythmic sounds)
Pandeiro!
(makes rhythmic sounds)
Brasil!
(makes rhythmic sounds)
Rio Janeiro!
Mom!
What? What is it?
There's something
you need to see.
(gasps)
You married that.
GENE: And now he's
Jairo's plaything.
Where's Tina going?
Got room for one more?
(grunting) Can you just, um,
can you move a little?
Thanks.
HILDY: "Our client
is entitled to extra
taco fillings."
What is this crap?
Hildy, do you want this to get
tied up in the courts for years?
Or do you want to just
give me the extra fillings
and send me on my way?
Ugh.
Thank you!
Did anyone else
see Dad wearing sandals...
on his feet?
Yes.
Yes.
And what is that stuff
he keeps burning?
Sage.
Sage.
At first I thought
it was kind of funny
that he was getting
"healed" by Jairo,
but now it's starting
to freak me out.
Me, too!
I farted up the shower
before he got in
and you know what he said?
Namaste.
That son of a bitch.
JAIRO: Mmm... good smoothie.
Not too much broccoli?
There is no such thing
as what you just said.
(exhales)
All right, let me take
a shot at this.
Uh, Bob?
Are you okay?
Your buttocks look stressed.
Like they have a test tomorrow.
No, I'm fine.
I-I'm just hoping this smoothie
will help me come up
with a burger of the day.
What's a "burger of the day"?
Well, it's this thing I do.
I come up with a special burger,
every day.
People love it.
Well, Teddy loves it.
It's been a few weeks
since I've come up
with a really good one.
I'm, uh... I'm kind of
in a little slump.
A new burger, every single day?
But every day
is a different day.
Must be stressful.
Uh, yeah, it can be
a little stressful,
but I... I like doing it.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Let's pop that shirt off
and dig around.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
Yes... this makes sense.
Wh... what?
There's this one knot
I can't break up.
Oh! That really hurts.
We've found the mother-knot.
The mother-knot?
The knot caused by
your biggest stress in life...
your burgers of the days.
Well, that's crazy. Oh!
Bob, we've finally uncovered
why the universe
brought us together.
No, you're...
you're my healer
because I fell on your oily
sidewalk while I was...
trying to think of
the burger of the day.
Oh, my God, the universe
did bring us together!
Then it is settled.
You're going to stop
doing burgers of the day.
W-Well, no,
I don't know about that.
How about this:
give it up for one day.
Let your chalk sleep today.
Leave it on
its little sleeping ledge.
Look how cute the chalk.
(whispering):
He's so cute and quiet.
He's sleeping.
All right, well,
maybe just for one day,
I'll take a break.
Shh!
Oh, sorry.
The chalk is trying to sleep.
Right.
(grunts)
Red? Yes!
Oh! Sorry, not the red one.
That is Jairo's
special scrunchy.
Give it back, please.
Give-give it...
Oh...
(sing-song):
But here's a nice orange one...
Oh!
♪ ♪
Eh, Bob?
Yeah?
Uh, what-what's up
with the, uh...
huh-huh, huh-huh.
Oh, the burger of the day?
I'm not doing it today.
What? You do it every day.
Well, not today, Teddy.
And you know, I feel fine.
I might not do one tomorrow.
What? Linda!
You know about this?
You know about the burger board?
Yeah, I know.
I know.
You know about the burger board.
I know, Teddy.
Bob's turned into
a real Brazil nut.
This is crazy! You're crazy!
You do burgers of the day.
Every day.
Teddy...
A new burger, every day!
It's the only constant
in my life!
Okay, easy, Teddy, Teddy, easy...
No, no, no, get off of me!
Teddy! Teddy!
Get off of me!
When I come back tomorrow,
there better be a friggin'
burger on that board!
You hear me, Bob?
Yeah.
Do you hear me?! BOB: Bye.
I'm sorry, sir, I know
you're enjoying your lunch.
Put a burger on that board!
(bell tinkles)
Uh, why is Teddy walking in
the street trying to punch cars?
He's overreacting because I... TINA:
The burger of the day board is blank!
The burger of the day board
is blank!
Ahh!
Your father's
not doing it today.
Or maybe ever again.
According to Jairo,
they were "stressing him out."
But it's blank!
You kids can write something
up there if you want.
You know, one of
your joke burgers or something.
What?! It's no fun
if you want us to!
All right, do it or don't do it.
It's fine either way.
Does anyone want
a broccoli smoothie?
No! I hate you!
Maybe a sip!
That's it,
we gotta get rid of Jairo.
Time for Fromage, Schuster,
and Pitz-Lopez to take over.
(bell tinkles)
Did you put this phony
cease-and-desist letter
under Jairo's door?
Give it to me!
Give it to me! Phony?
That looks real to me.
Look at that font.
Roman numerals.
Must be real.
Bob, if you wanted me to leave,
you could've just told me.
You didn't have to threaten me
with "death by scrunchy."
Kids, did you do this?
We're not at liberty to discuss...
Louise...
Fine! We wrote that letter.
But you left us no choice!
You've changed, man.
You've changed.
My client isn't going anywhere.
Your client?
You're our lawyer.
In the case of Bob v. Jairo,
I'm Bob's lawyer.
But in Jairo v. Bob,
I'm Jairo's lawyer.
How is that legal?
They're totally different cases.
But what's not legal
is the eviction of
a good-looking tenant
who has a verbal contract
to stay here for free.
Did you just say
"good-looking tenant"?
That's the law.
This guy's amazing.
Tom, I love your energy.
I love your energy.
You're my favorite client.
Uh, thanks.
Kids, you can't go around
threatening people
with letters from fake lawyers.
We can and we have.
And it was fun and it worked!
Until it didn't.
Well, now we're stuck
with friggin' Jairo.
Listen, having Jairo
in our basement
is a good thing.
He's helped me in a lot of ways.
He's not just a shoulder shaman.
Why am I listening to you?
Is it because you're crouching?
Yeah, since when have
you been able to crouch?
Only recently.
You've changed, man.
And you don't miss
making burgers of the day?
At all?
I do not...
miss it... at all.
I'm totally... content.
Yup, yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Come on, emergency kids-only
under the table meeting, now!
All right, trying to evict
Jairo sort of backfired.
So what we need to do now
is get Jairo un-evicted
from his old place.
How are we gonna do that?
By taking our case to the top.
(gasps) Beyoncé?
Close.
Now make me look like a lion.
Mr. Fischoeder,
you've been served.
Okay, it'll be ready
in ten minutes, bye!
To-go order, Bobby!
"Four burgers of the day." Lin?
Yeah.
We don't serve those anymore.
Oh, right.
Well, uh, they're
coming in ten minutes,
so cook 'em something.
Okay, let's see here now...
"...pursuant to Orville vs. Redenbacher..."
Mm-hmm.
Blah, blah, blah...
"habeas porpoise," blah,
blah, blah... Mm-hmm.
"Reverse-evict Jairo."
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm... (sniffs)
Blueberry-scented marker.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, blueberry.
We pay extra for that.
Well, I smell a fake lawyer
in the mix here.
What? What?!
How dare you!
You got us.
Tina!
Yes. I use fake lawyers myself
from time to time.
I once stopped these
very wharf workers from unionizing
with a rather playful letter
on a very threatening
letterhead.
Interesting.
I bet you wouldn't want them
to find that out, would you?
Oh, why did I say
that to someone
who wants something from me?
I thought we were cool.
BOB: I'm not doing it.
I'm not cooking
a burger of the day.
All right, fine, whatever.
I'm just making regular burgers.
Regular, stress-free burgers.
Uh-huh.
You know what?
I'll see what's in the fridge
and I'll just slap something on.
But I am not gonna name it.
Great, now I'm stressed.
And I'm running out of time.
And there's thyme.
Huh, egg.
Lin!
What...?
Linda!
What?
Runny out of thyme!
What?
Runny fried egg and thyme!
The "Runny Out Of Thyme Burger!"
Oh. Oh!
It's the best one
I've come up with in weeks!
Oh, he's back!
I'm back, baby!
Ha-ha, whoo!
Uh, Bob, will you
hold my ponytail
while I do some
upside-down push-ups?
Hold on a minute.
What's going on with this?
Oh, I came up with
a burger of the day
that I'm really proud of.
I'm confused.
You gave them up.
Because they are stress makers.
Well, they're also happy makers.
Hey, we should call them
"happy meals." Oh, wait...
You were finally at peace,
like a pigeon who found
a jar of peanut butter.
Jairo, you know I love
your pigeon analogies,
but I think I need
to wake up every day
and wrestle with this,
and create something.
And that can be stressful,
but it's worth it.
There's my Bob.
There's my stressful Bob.
Your body will turn back
into a knotted, rotted thing.
It will creak like a boat.
I like his creaking.
I know where he is in the dark.
Then I must go.
What?
You can still stay here
until you find another place.
No. Your... your stress will
make it all stressy in here.
Where you gonna go?
I don't... know.
Maybe I need to change
the way I live...
buy a jacket...
Hit the bricks, Jairo!
You can move back
into your old place.
Oh, everything's fine!
No changes for Jairo!
Really, Mr. Fischoeder?
You'll take Jairo back?
Well, if it means avoiding
another worker uprising...
which aren't as fun
as they used to be,
now that workers
are considered "people."
Thank you, Mr. Fishsticks.
That'll teach me
to be honest with children.
Good-bye, Belcher family.
And Bob, you earned this.
(gasps) The red one!
Oh, whoops, sorry about that.
I meant to give you
the purple one.
Oh. O-Okay.
The chalkboard! It's not blank!
It's alive again!
A to-go order busted
your father out of his slump.
Yeah, what's taking
them so long?
Their burgers are
gonna get cold.
Um, they're not coming.
What? They're not?
Yeah, no, there wasn't
really a to-go order.
I made it up.
And it worked!
I am your muse!
Ha! Muse-dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
But the burgers are real.
(gobbling)
Huh. It's kind of weird
not having Jairo around.
(door bell tinkles)
Jairo's back.
Totally forgot, I'm supposed
to teach a class right now.
Would it be cool if we...
Go ahead.
Use the basement.
Thank you, Bob, you're the best.
TEDDY: There's something
on the board.
There's something on the board!
Bobby, make me one of those!
But hold the egg.
That sounds gross.
And the thyme.
Do you know what?
Just do the tomato one!
I'm coming in!
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪
Muse dance!
(grunts dancing noises)
♪ Beh, beh, beh, beh-teh,
beh, teh, beh-beh ♪
♪ Beh, beh, beh, beh-teh,
beh, teh, beh-beh... ♪
♪ Hoo! ♪