Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 6, Episode 7 - The Gene and Courtney Show - full transcript

(mice squeaking)

Ooh, whatcha doing?

Making a...
sexy piggy bank?

No, it's the collection box

for the Donations 4 Carnations
fund-raiser.

Oh, romantic.

How does it work?
What do you do?

Students can buy carnations
to be delivered

to their special someone
on Valentine's Day.

They write the lucky person's
name on an envelope,

put it in the box,



and then wait
for the fireworks on Friday.

There's not going to be actual
fireworks, though.

We couldn't get the permit.

Aw. Still... still romantic.

What are you raising
the money for?

That's TBD.
Either to help end hunger

or re-pave
the faculty parking lot.

Those are the big two.

Yeah, Sophie's choice.

Sophie Martinson
is the treasurer

of the student council.

And we treasure her.

So, Dad, hopefully we'll
sell all 250 carnations.

Okay. Why are you
saying that to me?



Because you said two weeks ago

that you'd pre-order
them for me.

I... I did?

Yeah, I remember that.

I offered but you said,
"No, Linda, I got it.

I'm on this." And then you
seemed a little huffy.

And then you walked away.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You did pre-order them,
right, Dad?

Yes. I did.
Pre-order carnations.

Way... way before now...

Since Valentine's Day
is on Friday.

I-I, uh, I-I need to go.

LOUISE: Where are you going?

Just to... ah, move around.

(grunts)

Sitting is, uh, is bad for you.

I mean, it's bad for me,
it's fine for you.

Good!

(Labonz clearing throat over PA)

Good morning, Wagstaff.

Lunch today will be chili.

(paper rustles)

The Donations 4 Carnations
fund-raiser is this week.

(paper rustles)

The weather forecast is meh.

(paper rustles)

The water fountain next to
the boy's bathroom is out of order.

If you must drink water,
do so at these fountains:

the one next
to the girl's bathroom.

The one next to
the 5th grade classroom.

The one in the cafeteria...

Oh, my God,
I can't take it anymore!

Gene!

This is torture!

That is for-sure.

Yes! Ms. Labonz
should have stopped

after "lunch will be chili!"

Stop talking and talking
about fountains, you silly!

Yeah. This is boring,
I want to escape on a boat.

And it's totally gross when
Labonz clears her throat.

(throat clearing over PA)

Here's an announcement
and I am not joking...

Ms. Labonz, you need
to stop smoking!

(laughter) High five!

(groans) Almost.

Want to try that again?

Up here.
High five!

Oh, um, hey, uh, uh...

Hi, Jimmy Jr.
Hey.

So are you gonna
fill a card out now?

Or fill one out later?
What?

Nothing.
Um, it's just, um...

Valentine's Day is coming up.

'Kay. Don't forget when
you're filling it out

to cross your T's
and dot your I's.

And write the "N-A" clearly.

Oh, my God.

Tina, you look way cute today.

Oh, thanks.
I opened a new pack

of barrettes, so maybe that's...

Yeah, yeah.
So how many carnations

am I getting, do you know?

I have the most cards
in there, right? Right?

More than Jocelyn, obvis. Hey!

I have a lot, I have
a lot, right? Right?

Guys, cool it.

I have no idea if anyone's
bought carnations for you.

This box is locked
and very dark inside.

You'll have to wait
until Valentine's Day to find out.

It's like they say...
waiting is fun.

Ugh, Tina, you're
being a smellentine!

Yeah!

♪ I have an announcement
you'll want to hear... ♪

♪ Mr. Branca's mop bucket
is full of beer. ♪

(laughing): You guys kill me.

Do me! Do me!

My middle name's Anthony,
that's easy to rhyme with.

Hmm...

Your first name's Zeke...
(continues)

Those two are dynamite.

God, I haven't seen
chemistry like that

since we got rid of chemistry.

They were doing this
in homeroom this morning.

Yeah? It was the Gene
and Courtney show.

They got me going.

But I canceled my cable,
so I'm desperate for entertainment.

I have cable.
Great.

Just putting it out there.
(chuckles)

Oh, you're looking at your phone,
that's fine.

Maybe morning announcements

could use
a little Mr. Grant makeover.

And that's why I like
pork and beans.

(fart noise)
Thank you, thank you.

You two really have it going on.

Thanks, Mr. Grant.

We used to date.

But now we just collaborate.

Heard about how
you stole the show

during morning announcements.

Yeah, I guess we got
tired of Ms. Labonz

going "onz" and "onz."

She really is awful, isn't she.
Mm-hmm.

I'm the A/V guy.

She lays an egg
on the PA everyday

and it makes us all look bad.

Here's what
I'm thinking instead...

"Morning Announcements
with Gene and Courtney."

Go on.

You two! You know, doing
your catchy jingle-jangles

over the PA system.

Oh, my God. Gene, I think
we're being discovered.

So, should we put
the Announcements With Gene

and Courtney show
on the air or what?

For a one-week trial, pending
final approval by the principal,

the vice principal,
and the assistant vice principal.

I'm in if you're in.

That's what I was gonna say.

Should we try
our high five again? Yeah.

Oh, good. Oh...
Oh, sorry.

That was a lot of
spit in my hand.

(chuckling): Wet and wild.

Let's try it again.

What's up?
Sign-ups, that's what.

Art club sign-ups
today at recess.

Hey-hey, that sounds amazing!
Maybe you could add a little

"Art Club, not Art's Club.
Like what? Who's Art?"

Dad! Knock it off!
This is Gene's and my thing.

Sorry.
Oh, and remember

not to suck on
your necklace during the show.

She knows, Doug.

Sorry, I'm just so excited.

I've always wanted this
life for ya, sweetie!

Nothing's better for a child
than being in showbiz.

GENE: Thanks for the ride, Doug!

Whoa, whoa, hey.

Doesn't your half a muffin want
to go with you to school?

Nah. I left
that there for tomorrow.

And I know exactly
how much there is,

so don't try anything!

All right, so here's
how it's gonna work.

Ms. Labonz will do the first
half of the announcements.

Then you'll come on the air

and blow everyone away
with the better half.

You kids think you can do
the morning announcements?

I am the morning announcements!

GRANT (chuckling): Okay, okay.

Let's calm down everyone.

It's just a one-week trial.

Unless they absolutely crush it

and then your time is up,
Labonz.

(groans)

LABONZ (over PA):
And lastly, Cameron McPherson

won some prize
for reading a book.

Congratulations, Cameron.

And now the rest of
the morning announcements

will be read by two rising
stars here at Wagstaff.

(groans)

I'm gonna be right
here listening.

As soon as you Stu-stu-stutter,

I'm gonna come in
and take that Mic back.

Oh, look, here's
a very important

last minute announcement
that must've got misplaced.

You hid that from them
so they couldn't prep.

Damn it, Labonz, you're
not playing fair!

Screw fair.

Okay, okay, the Spanish Club
field trip

to the Mexican restaurant
got canceled.

We can do this!
What rhymes with canceled?

Um...
romance-led?

Gretel and Hanseled?

Guys, come on!
Come on!

(yells) It's now or never!

Good morning, Wagstaffians.

Wagstafarians.

(quietly): Oh, thanks.

And this is The Rest Of
The Morning Announcements

With Gene And Courtney.

♪ Sorry, Spanish Club ♪

♪ Your trip to the restaurant
was canceled ♪

♪ So your plans to eat...
flan were flan-celed. ♪

(quietly) Good one.

(grunts) Oh, damn it.

COURTNEY:
♪ When it comes to the boys room ♪

♪ Some of you are confused ♪

GENE: ♪ The urinal's for number one,
not for number two. ♪

(fart noise, flushing noise)
(laughing)

Damn, Gene and Courtney are like

the Siegfried and Roy
of this school.

And their songs
are their white tigers.

Oh, yeah, they are like that.

Yes! Yes!
We did it!

We did it!
Whoo-hoo!

Take that, Labonz!
(cheering)

All right you two, keep it up

and The Rest Of
Morning Announcements

With Gene and Courtney
is here to stay.

Excuse me. Hi.
Hi.

Busy time for you guys, huh?
Very. Yeah.

Um, you don't have
250 carnations, do you?

(laughing)

(chuckles): I'll just...
call around. Ooh.

♪ ♪

Okay, maybe just a peek.

Is that a "T"?

I think that's a "T".

LOUISE: Need a flashlight?
Yes... Wait. No.

I wasn't peeking.

And I wasn't spying on you.

Mr. Frond and the entire student
body have put their trust in me.

These are private
Valentine's cards.

I can pick that lock
in, like, two seconds.

Then pick that son of a bitch!

Voila.

Wonder how many
have my name on them.

I'm pretty sure
at least two, but...

who knows, right?

None!
Yikes.

I didn't get a single
carnation?!

Well, Valentine's Day
isn't till Friday.

There's still time for some dope
to buy you a flower.

Jocelyn got four?!

Who the hell is sending Jocelyn
so many flowers?!

Well, I can steam them open
and we could find out.

No one would know we peeked.

We shouldn't...
but we should.

LOUISE: They were tricky,

but I went real slow
and I think...

Tina, what the hell?

(panting): I couldn't help it!

I opened one and then another!

And then another!

Oh, my God, this is...

(laughing): I'm so proud of you!

Now they're separated
and I have no way to know

who sent a card to who!

Why don't you know
who sent the cards?

Because the envelopes only say
who they're to on them

and the cards only say
who they're from!

Well, that's a terrible system.

It's only a terrible system
in this exact scenario.

What do I do?
What do I do?!

What's wrong sweetie?
What's the matter?

Whoa...
Why does it look like

Valentine's Day
threw up in here?

I ripped open all the cards!

Okay, okay, easy sweetheart,
Mommy's here, Mommy's here.

Jocelyn got four cards?

(hyperventilating)

Come on, people,
we can fix this.

We just need to match
the handwriting from the envelopes

to the handwriting on the cards
and just shove them back in.

Are these teeth marks?
Tina you went crazy.

I may have been
a little forceful.

All right, how much time
do we have?

Till Friday morning.

Do you really think
we can fix it?

Sure.
Sure, yeah we could do it.

Mom, you can't tell Dad
I screwed this up.

He was so on top of it with
pre-ordering the flowers

and I... I pre-opened
the envelopes.

Right, I'm sure Dad totally
nailed his end of this.

Right. I know.

(whispering): Yes, hello.

I'm dying
and I'm trying to order

my favorite flowers
for my funeral

which will be
on Valentine's Day.

They need to be carnations.

Wait, wait, wait.
Don't hang up, I'm dying.

COURTNEY:
How 'bout... How 'bout this...

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ 'Cause it's Hot-Hot, Ham-Ham ♪

♪ N-Cheese-N-Cheese Day! ♪

Wow, you...
That is good.

(chuckles)

What are we doing?

What do you mean? We're working
on tomorrow's show?

No, I mean, what are we doing?

Uh, what's going on
with our hands?

We're holding them.

How long have
we been doing that?

I don't know.

Who held whose hand first?

I don't know.
Should we stop?

It's like, I like it, but ew.
(chuckles)

Now what are we doing?

I think we're...
leaning our faces toward each other.

Why?
To kiss.

That doesn't sound right.

Ah, no, we were kissing.

I think we're gonna kiss again.

Morning, Courtney.

Morning, Mrs. Belcher.

You smell like eggs.
Did you have eggs?

No.
Oh.

Uh, Gene, your ride's here!

Right here, put one right here.

Yeah, yeah, like that.

Ah.
Ah.

(groans) Nice.

You know, your line about
the chess club announcement

is better than mine...
Knight to Rook Four,

get your butt
on the chess board.

No, your line is better.

I think you did a much better
job with that line.

I think I did a pretty good job,

but in this instance
your line is the best.

DOUG (sternly): We're here.

Oh, uh...

(locks click)
you closed my door.

And now you locked it?

What do you think you're doing

with my daughter, mister?

You broke her heart
once, literally.

Isn't that enough?

Don't worry.

I'm not using Courtney

to get to your high-end
synthesizers this time, okay?

So you really
like-like Courtney?

Doug, all I know
is we have fun together

and holding hands with her

feels like holding a hand
for the very first time.

And it's, like, the fourth time.

Damn. I haven't felt
that for quite a while.

Good for you two.
Thanks, bro!

You're late.
Is everything okay?

Everything's peachy.

We just shared a pudding cup
at our lockers.

A pudding cup?!

Yes. It was
chocolate-vanilla swirl.

Like Gene's eyes.
Yeah!

What is that...
Are you holding hands?

(coyly): Oh, are we?

Well, stop!

Keep it professional.

You're on after
this announcement.

♪ Come out on the field
and wear a coat ♪

♪ An animal guy's gonna
stop by with a baby goat. ♪

At 3:30. Today.

Goats are fun, Gene,
aren't they?

When they come to the school?

The funnest.
I know kids like it.

I love a goat visit.

And we're... we are kids.

Oh, crap.

(chuckles): They're slipping.

Huh, their energy kinda dipped.

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm tuning out.

Look at that spot on the floor.

Oh, yeah!

(groaning)

I'm a fraud.

I'm a failure.

And nobody got me a carnation!

Okay, some things you can
just think and not say.

Tina, listen, man your station.

Keep your face from looking
weird like it is right now

and everything's gonna be fine.
Mm-hmm.

Mom's at home,
matching up handwriting.

Just sit tight.
And stop talking.

Well...

how is
the big fund-raiser going?

Are we gonna end world hunger
and/or fix the parking lot?

Fine. Everything's fine.

Look at my perfectly
normal face.

Okay...

it's not...
perfectly normal.

And that's perfectly
normal. Carry on.

LINDA: "To My Brother

"From The Same Mother,

Love You Know Who."

(gasps) Andy Pesto! Gotcha!

Hey.
(humming)

♪ Choppin' the tomatoes... ♪

So you're chopping tomatoes?

Yup. Yup. I'm chopping
'em, here they go.

Okay, I'm just out here,
manning the counter.

The counter needs manning.

Oh, this one is spicy.

Peter Pescadero, who knew?

(whispering): Hello,
is this the botanical gardens?

My name is Jim Carnation,

and I am one
of five quintuplets.

We are the last
Carnations in America,

and we are turning 50.

We need 50 carnations each.

That's a total of 250... Hello?

MRS. LABONZ: The seventh grade
field trip (bongos playing)

to the Lobster Workers Museum
is next Wednesday.

So if you want to go

on the big field trip,

you gotta get your parents
to fill out the permission slip.

Yeah, I bought
a rhyming dictionary.

And Ms. Merkin's got my back.
So watch your crack.

Ow!

Where have you been?

(giggles) Smelling each
other's hair.

What?!
You're on right now!

Dead air! Dead air!

And you'd better shine today

'cause Ms. Labonz
brought in Ms. Merkin

and she's rhyming
and bumping into me.

We got nothing.

Wing it?
Wing it.

♪ Uh... so tomorrow
is Valentine's Day ♪

♪ If you haven't
ordered a carnation ♪

♪ To be delivered
to your Valentine... ♪

♪ Uh, you should. ♪

Yeah.
You really should.

What?!

GENE: I sent you one.

COURTNEY: And I sent you one.

You'll be getting it soon.

GENE (chuckles): Can't wait.

Should we, uh...

do more of these
morning announcements?

COURTNEY: Gotta do 'em
before we move on with the day.

Oh, man, did they lose it!

Good God I'm bored!

Bring back Labonz, man.

At least she gave a crap!

What the hell
was that donkey dung?!

Not our best show, sure,
but hey, we'll get 'em next time.

Hey, you two crush-bunnies

think you can mix work
with a relationship?

Ha! If it didn't work
for Donnie and Marie Osmond

why do you think
it'll work for you?

Listen, tomorrow's the last day
of your trial week.

If you don't do your best
The Rest Of The Announcements

With Gene And Courtney show,
say good-bye to the rest

of The Rest Of The Announcements
With Gene And Courtney Show.

Am I making myself clear?

BOTH: Uh...

(groans): Think about it!

But Mr. Grant's right.

Our show has stunk

ever since we started

like-liking each other again.

Ah, quit worrying.

We're Gene and Courtney.
We got this.

Gene, our show
means a lot to me.

I don't want to mess it up.

Same for me.
I feel the same way.

I used to hate mornings,

like those cats
on the coffee cups.

But now I love them.

Because of this show,
because of you.

I don't think we can do the show
and be in a relationship.

Okay, well, if we gotta choose,
I think it's a pretty easy call.

Do the show.
Rela... do the show!

Okay, good.
That wasn't so bad.

Now let's get back
to work, okay?

Mm-hmm.

(groans)

TEDDY: Have you asked
Mort for flowers?

Maybe he's got some leftovers

lying around the funeral home.

Yes, I called.

He only had six stupid tulips.

Ugh, Mort.
It's ridiculous.

You know what you could do?
You go to flower market.

The flower market?

Yeah, it's where florists go

to get their supply.

My cousin used to drive
a forklift there.

He used to drive it around
and pick up chicks, literally.

Thanks, Teddy, I'll head over
there right now.

No, no, no, it's only open
like from 3:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m.

Oh, wow, that's, like,
the middle of the night.

Yup.
I'll pick you up at 2:00.

Wait, you're coming?

Eh, I wasn't gonna
sleep tonight anyway.

I can never sleep
on Valentine's Eve.

LINDA And...

that's the last one!

We friggin' did it.

Huh. I just thought
we'd come across

at least one card for me.

No one came across
a card for me?

Nope.
Yeah, no.

Hey, St. Patrick's Day
is coming up.

I bet you get a lot
of St. Patrick's cards.

Oh, yeah, bet you get a ton
of President's Day cards, too.

Yeah.

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

(groans) ♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪ (groans)

♪ La-la-la ♪

(groans)

Careful in there.

It's a rough scene.

It's a flower market, Teddy.

How rough could it be?

(clamoring) Whoa.

It's intense in here.
But it smells nice.

It's the flowers, Bob.

Yeah, thank you, Teddy.

Excuse me, do you know
where we can find carnations?

Come, I'll take you
to the best carnations.

Just have your, uh,
florist license ready.

We aren't florists.

What the hell is this?!

You come into a legitimate
flower wholesale market

without a re-seller license
and just expect to buy...

(quietly): How many
carnations do you need?

Uh, uh, 250?

250 carnations?!

(quietly): Put 20 bucks
in my hand and follow me.

Uh, uh, yeah. Okay.

Here, follow me.
Follow me.

250 white? 250 pink?
What are we doing?

I-I-I don't know.

You don't know?
What's it for?

My kid's school
Valentine's Day thing.

You want red.

Now, there's an added fee

for day-of sales.

Plus the holiday fee.

This is a small order,
so there's a fee for that.

He'll pay, he'll pay anything.
He's desperate.

Teddy, please.

It's for his daughter.

You could charge him
whatever you want.

Wow, that was, uh,
more than I expected.

Kinda raked you over
the coals, huh, Bob?

Yeah, they did.
Thanks, Teddy.

Thanks for coming with me.

Anytime, Bobby,
that's what friends are for. Mm-hmm.

Gene, Gene, Gene.
Yeah?

Heard about the break-up.
Sorry, buddy.

Thanks, Doug.

Yeah. I'm gonna need you

to take that half a muffin
off the seat.

Hi, Lin! Tina! Louise!
We got the flowers!

I... know.

Right, I mean, I m...

I was always gonna get
the flowers, so yeah.

Yeah, and we got the cards.

All sealed up
in their little box

just like they've been the whole
time, the little cards.

Great. Look at us.

So, uh, Teddy helped you get
some last-minute flowers?

Yeah.

Trouble with the cards?
Yeah.

Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't get you anything.

I didn't get you
anything either.

You want to go make out?
Yeah.

Okay, is Cupid ready
to make the deliveries?

Yup, sure, Cupid.
That's me.

It looks like Cupid's arrow is
here for the following students:

Rupa, two for Julie,

Sam, six for Lenny.

(sighs)

LABONZ (over PA):
Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff.

Today is the day for romance,

but it's also the day
to take home

P.E. sweatpants and wash them.

I have an announcement
for you kids.

These are
your last announcements.

(gasping) Don't listen to her.

Unless you suck in there,
and then she's right.

(grunts) What?

Oh, thanks.

Happy Valentine's Day,
Wagstaff-anopolises.

♪ If you think fish
are just the grooviest... ♪

♪ Join the club
for marine life enthusiasts! ♪

Wednesdays at lunch!

GENE: ♪ If peanuts make you
itch and wheeze... ♪

COURTNEY: ♪ Come and listen to
the speaker on food allergies! ♪

Wait, what's this?

An announcement just came in.

(whispering): What announcement?

It's hard to explain it...

I just gotta sing it.

♪ If you have good times ♪

♪ And if you have good rhymes ♪

♪ You may have found
your one and only ♪

♪ But then the one
you like-like ♪

♪ Says take a hike-hike ♪

♪ And suddenly you're lonely ♪

♪ But still be glad ♪

♪ Even if you're sad ♪

♪ Take comfort just in knowing ♪

♪ You'll be okay ♪

♪ It's Valentine's Day... ♪

Your heart's not broken

it's only growing.

That boy's got a crush on me.

He got me!

Ah! I'm doing it!

Good God, I'm crying!

Oh, boy, I'm weepin'!

These are tears, boys!

Yes! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Gene, that was...

Was that about us?

What? No.

That was just some announcement
someone put in.

Two words...

Brav-o.

That was a little mushy,
but I think it played.

Congratulations, you two.

I have a feeling
The Rest Of The Announcements

With Gene and Courtney
will be sticking around!

Yes!

Put 'Er there.

I mean, it is Valentine's Day.

Well, those were
all the carnations.

Hey, Tina.

Hey, Jimmy Jr.

I-I got this for you.

(gasps) A rose?

I wanted to get you a carnation,

but you were always
at the table,

and I didn't know
how to order for the...

Shh-shh-shh. Shh.

Shh-shh-shh, shh-shh-shh.

That's the best reason
to not give

to a charitable cause
that I've ever heard.

♪ Hot ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

♪ Hot ♪

♪ That's it ♪

♪ You know it ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ Because it's hot ♪

♪ Ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot and steamy
ham and cheese ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot! Oh, baby ♪

♪ Ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ It's hot ham and cheese day ♪

♪ Throw your sack lunches away ♪

♪ Hot ham and cheese day. ♪