Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 5, Episode 17 - Itty Bitty Ditty Committee - full transcript
The Belcher gals play the styro-straws and Gene, rocks out on his Casio...they are the Razz. Regular-Sized Rudy, on skins, and Peter, on wind, are the Matazz. Gene even electrifies Peter. Linda acquires a forest, but no forest ranger. The new band, Itty Bitty Ditty Committee is rad, but they need a lead singer; Gene admits he is no singer. Tina suggests Darryl, a "funky Bill Gates." When the group gets their break, Lenny DiStefano's birthday party, Darryl agrees to join. Louise, Esq. (future associate at Cupid's Stupid, APLC) negotiates the 360* deal. Gene has few notes and no songs... soon the group has a snake in the grass man-eater, but no Gene. The whole band thing was his idea. Louise and Tina refuse to allow the dumpee to dump back: his Casio and music are part of who he is. Bob's Burgers is the pits! Louise may not wear a bra, but the ingenious wunderkind will find something to burn!
♪ ♪
♪ I want some
burgers and fries ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
Well, there's some right here!
♪ Don't you tell me no lies! ♪
I can't tell if they're helping
or hurting us out there,
but I think hurting.
Got me in here.
You're here every day, Teddy.
True, but today,
it's 'cause of them.
I think they sound good!
It's better than this
stupid hold music.
Oh, hi, Dr. Rinaldi!
No, no, I love your hold music.
Listen, Doc,
the rash is still there.
I did everything you said...
no shaving, no deodorant.
Oh.
Yeah.
But now it's in both armpits.
Eh.
Mm-hmm.
It's red and flaky...
itchy, bumpy.
Sometimes it's oozy.
I look like Jeff Goldblum
in The Fly.
Lin, please stop
describing your rash.
I'm on the phone
with the doctor, Bob!
I know. Everyone knows. Shh!
Sorry, folks.
It's not...
It's not a big deal.
It's not...
I mean, it doesn't get
in the food.
No, no, no, where are you going?
♪ You want some burgers
and fries! ♪
Talking to you, buddy!
Hey, thumbs up!
Yeah! I got a thumbs up!
That's better than a customer!
Cool song, Gene.
Yeah, you guys sound good.
I'm diggin' it.
You happen to be
in the presence
of child straw prodigies.
We're pretty straw-some.
That's awesome, but with straws?
Strawsome?
We borrow from a lot of genres.
Maybe you guys
can use a little wind?
Whoa! You just walk around
with that thing?
We were at orchestra practice.
And, hey, why make it difficult
when you can make it cymbal?
Are we punnin',
or are we jammin'?
Oh! Oh!
Ah! Ooh!
Guys, you know
what this is, right?
Tuesday? Oh, my God,
it's trash day.
No, we're a band.
Finally, it's happening.
Wait. We weren't a band before?
Uh... before we had the "raz,"
but we needed the "matazz."
So... what do you say?
Yeah! Let's do it! Okay.
All right, but I don't carry
my own equipment.
Yeah! That's the spirit!
Okay, thanks, Doc.
Boy, can that lady
talk about rashes.
What did she say?
The rash'll probably
go away on its own,
but I got to wear a tank
top to let it breathe.
It's festering
under there, I guess.
Look at it.
Can you see it? Lin, please!
It's like
my grandma used to say.
Starve a fever, feed a cold
and air out a festering
rash in a tank top.
Whoa, kids.
Outside only
with the loud noise, remember?
Dad, this is the noise
of a band.
Aw, you guys are a band?
That's fun.
What's your band name?
We're called
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
'Cause we have little ditties.
Oh, now I get it.
All right, everyone.
This is the first official
band practice,
slash, band lunch for
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
Yay!
Oh, we were supposed
to bring slash lunch?
I didn't get the slash memo.
Peter, I think you'll like the
changes I made to your recorder.
Oh.
I electrified it.
Give her a toot.
Cool. Let's wail.
♪ Burger and fries,
burger and fries ♪
♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh! ♪
All right, so we got that song.
Is it really a song, though,
if you just say words
over and over?
Hmm. Good point.
I guess most songs are sung.
But here's the thing.
When I sing, people
don't seem to really, uh...
how do I, uh, put it?
Oh, yeah, enjoy it.
Same with these two.
It depends on
your definition of "enjoy."
I just prefer chanting.
Can you guys sing?
Not if I want to live.
If only we knew someone
who could really sing.
I think we do.
Follow me.
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes ♪
♪ Watch out boy,
she'll chew you up ♪
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes ♪
♪ She's a maneater... ♪
Of course, Darryl...
the computer-nerd songbird.
He's like a funky Bill Gates.
♪ The woman is wild, oh... ♪
Wow, he can sing.
And he hardly even fainted.
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes,
she's a man... ♪
Darryl! Aah! Don't do that!
Darryl, ever think about being
the lead singer of a band?
Like, only every day.
Great! You can be
the lead singer of our band.
You guys are a band?
Why don't you see for yourself?
So, yeah, we're a band.
Guys, this is nice, but...
Casio and straws at lunchtime?
This is kind of kids' stuff.
I'm just saying,
if I'm gonna join a band,
it's gonna be a real band,
like Steely Dan.
Darryl, honey, don't wait
around for Steely Dan.
He's not coming for you.
He's not coming for any of us.
It could happen.
Just sing with us.
If you, like, know a song
that goes with these chords.
Fine. One song,
but nothing from Frozen,
'cause I don't want to cry.
♪ Girls, girls... ♪
Hey, Lenny Destefano.
Are you hiding from one
of your many girlfriends?
Yup. Hey, you guys sound good.
Are you a band? Yes! Um...
You guys want to play
my birthday party this Saturday?
GENE, RUDY, PETER & DARRYL:
Yes! Cool.
Not so fast, Lenny.
We have to go over the
particulars. What do you mean?
We want the corner pieces of the
cake, half of the piñata candy
and ownership of the streaming
and performance rights
worldwide in perpetuity.
I'm not having a piñata.
Get a piñata.
Okay. See you guys Saturday.
Oh, my God!
We just booked a gig
at Lenny Destefano's
birthday party!
So, are you in the band, Darryl?
Heck, yeah,
I'm in the band! Yeah!
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
just got their first giggy!
You guys,
I blocked out my schedule
every day after school
for band practice.
Every day?
That's a lot of practice.
We don't want
to sound too rehearsed.
Uh, yeah, Gene, we do.
We want to sound really good.
Lenny Destefano's party
is a big gig.
All right, fine, as long as
practice includes snack breaks.
And bathroom breaks
and commercial breaks
where I describe
my favorite commercials.
Hey, Tina.
Hey, Jimmy Jr.
I guess you heard the news about
the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
Huh?
I was gonna tell you
that you're standing
in front of my locker.
Oh. Sorry.
What's the Itty Bitty
Ditty Committee?
Is that one of
those improv groups?
My cousin was kidnapped
by one of them.
That's our band name.
We're playing Lenny Destefano's
party on Saturday.
It goes from 5:00
to question mark.
Just kidding. It ends at 7:30.
Two burgers of the day.
I'm wearing this tank top 'cause
the doctor prescribed it for me.
Lin, you don't have
to say that to every customer.
What? I don't want
people to think
I'm trying to look
like a hot potato.
What's going on under there?
It's just a little hair.
I haven't been shaving
my pits. See?
Oh, my God.
Wait. Wha...?
It's just,
there's so much of it.
How long
since you've stopped shaving?
A few days.
It grows in really fast.
It's like animal fur.
It looks like that guy's hair
from Counting Crows. Yes!
Okay, all right,
everyone's having fun.
Say good-bye to Mr. Jones. Aah.
Guys, I wrote
a song for Lenny's party.
Darryl, here are the lyrics.
"His name is Lenny.
"It is not Jenny.
One time he ate a penny,
and he thought nobody saw."
Is that true?
True enough.
I changed the name of
the guy who ate the penny
from "Gene" to "Lenny,"
and it was a nickel.
And two pennies and a tiny rock.
All right, follow my lead.
♪ His name is Lenny... ♪
You know what?
This key isn't working for me.
Can we try it in D or E flat?
No can do.
Why not?
'Cause no know how to do.
I can only play in this key.
And I don't know
which letter that is.
Yeah, that's it.
Here. Let me see. Uh...
♪ His name is Lenny... ♪
Are we playing in the right key?
Oh, yeah.
♪ One time he ate a penny
and he thought nobody saw... ♪
Whoa!
Whoa!
Well, that was a mess!
Let's not do that again!
Ever. Right guys?
Okay, all agreed.
How was band practice, kids?
Good.
Fine.
I thought it was kind of weird.
Right, guys? Didn't you
think it was weird?
You mean when Darryl
played your keyboard?
And you stood there
looking terrified?
Yeah, that was weird.
Darryl played your keyboard?
Why?
You know how when you only know
how to play in one key,
and the other people want
to play in different keys,
and you're, like,
"What's a key?"
Whoa! Mom, your armpit forests
are really filling out.
You can barely see your rash
anymore, or your skin,
or anything behind you.
Dad, are you there?
Yes, Tina, I'm right here...
behind the armpit hair.
Oh. Good.
I love it! We finally have pets.
I'm calling them
"Laverne and Curly."
Too late. I already named them
"Harry and Sally."
Wait. One's a boy?
Obviously.
It's not a boy. It's a man!
No, it's not! I'd know
if one was Billy Crystal.
Everyone leave my pits alone!
That one just got angry
when you got angry.
Enough!
So, Linda's cooking today?
Yeah, she, uh,
thought she'd be more
comfortable back there today.
I'm hiding my pits.
Lin, would it help
if I took off my shirt
in a show of solidarity?
I got some weird stuff
going on under here.
No. Teddy, no.
Maybe.
Surprise!
As in surprise inspection.
Ugh. Hugo.
Hi.
Hi, Ron.
I see you're busy as usual.
Just do what
you got to do, Hugo.
Write me up for disorganized
napkins or whatever.
Oh, count on it, Bob.
I will.
But let's inspect
the kitchen first.
Hello, Hugo.
Hi, Ron.
Hi, Linda.
Linda, something is unusual
about you today.
What is that?
What? Nothing.
It's nothing.
Think fast!
Ah!
Aha!
Aw.
Linda here is in violation
of Health Code Title 21,
Section A, Paragraph eight.
"Excessive body hair
must be covered."
But I need to wear a tank top.
Need to? Why?
Because of this rash...
shida Jones.
Uh, big fan.
Oh, yeah.
She likes tank tops, too.
She does.
She loves them. Uh-huh.
Well, I happen to have
some armpit hairnets with me.
Ron?
Here you go.
Ugh! Are you kidding me?
If you want to avoid a citation,
you'll keep those on.
Come on, Ron.
Let's go down to the walk-in.
Poke the produce,
see what pokes back.
Great. Now I look ridiculous.
No. They look... good?
Yeah, very, uh... Wow.
It looks like I trapped
two hedgehogs under my arms.
It doesn't...
that much.
I love hedgehogs.
I got to go!
Lin, where are you going?
I'm shaving 'em!
Lin, wait.
Teddy, I'll be right back.
I got to go.
Go to her, Bobby!
Lin, don't do this.
I'm doing it, Bob!
I'm taking it all off!
The doctor said if you shave,
you're just gonna make it worse.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but leave the hair alone.
I hate this rash, Bobby!
It's turning me into a monster!
You're not a monster, Lin.
Your armpits have
monster qualities, but...
Look, we're gonna fix this. How?
First, you got
to give me the razor.
You're gonna do it?
No. I wouldn't... go near that.
Bob!
We'd have
to rent a hedge trimmer,
or hire, like, a lumberjack
or something like that.
Stop it!
Lin, listen, we're gonna
go on the Internet.
Yeah? We're gonna type
in "rash remedies."
Uh-huh. And we're gonna see
some horrible, horrible images.
But we're also
gonna get some help.
I love you so much, Bobby!
Hi. Wait.
Did we have practice
scheduled during lunch today?
Hey...
Gene.
Uh, maybe, uh,
you should sit down.
Oh, good! I got here
just in time for break,
my favorite part of practice.
Who's on whose lap?
Gene, there's...
there's a reason
why we were practicing
without you.
Because you guys need twice
as much practice as me?
No... It's because
we're making some changes,
and, uh, you are, uh...
We thought we should
be in the band,
and you shouldn't be
in the band. Sorry.
What?! I'm out of the band?!
Well, good luck getting
my sisters to play without me!
Oh, yeah. They're out, too.
Yeah. We're sort of evolving
away from straws.
The thing is, Gene, Rudy
and Peter are trained musicians.
And I kind of figured out how
to sing all your keyboard parts.
You can't sing my part and sing
lyrics at the same time!
Gene, he can.
We've seen it and it's so good.
Yeah, I brought in
a looper pedal, so I can just...
♪ Skoop bop boo boo ♪
♪ Skoop bop boo boo ♪
♪ Skoop bop boo boo,
skoop bop boo boo... ♪
♪ I can sing on top
of my voice ♪
♪ That's me,
this is also me... ♪
But this is my band!
I started all of this!
Yeah, and you're, like,
the most fun member.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm all drama.
But the thing is
you can't actually...
play.
You only know three chords!
But I know them very well!
Well, two of them
I know very well!
The other one I'm just
getting acquainted with!
This is hard for everyone, Gene.
But mostly for me!
Yeah.
True.
Fine!
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get
really, really good
in time for Lenny's party!
Lenny's party's
in two days, Gene.
I know that, Darryl!
You guys are gonna be begging me
to listen to you
beg me to come back!
The door's always open, Gene.
Except can you close it
on your way out?
I will slam it!
Stupid safety door
closing thing!
Oh, kicked out of your own band.
They David Lee Roth'd you.
I'm glad we got kicked out.
That was starting to cut into my
not-going-to-band-practice time.
And that time is precious.
I'm okay with it.
Now I can focus
on my solo straw stuff.
Like drinking liquids.
Guys,
we're gonna get back together.
I'm just gonna become the
greatest musician in the world
in the next 48 hours
and that'll be that. Easy.
What are you gonna do, Gene?
Go down to the crossroads,
make a deal with the devil?
Almost. I'm gonna ask
Ms. Merkin to teach me.
The music teacher at school?
The Queen of the Keys?
Yep! I figure
one quick power sesh
should get me ready
for Lenny's party.
Great plan, honey.
I'm ready for the garlic, Bob.
Not to be all Miss
When Is Dinner
but when is dinner?
And what is dinner?
You've been stirring
that stuff forever.
Oh, this isn't dinner. This is a
home remedy for my armpit rash.
We found it online.
What?! It's well past
dinnertime!
Sorry. It's just...
feed your children.
Okay, uh, Bob,
hand me the oatmeal,
the fish oil,
and the buttermilk.
No fair. Why do your armpits
get to eat all the fun stuff?
Oh, it smells really weird.
Hmm. It's not that bad.
I mean, it's a little weird.
Okay, it's really weird.
I'm just gonna try it.
No! Tina! It's my medicine!
Just give Tina whatever
your armpits don't finish.
I'm so hungry!
Bob, order a pizza.
Get one with oatmeal, fish oil,
and buttermilk on it.
So you want
to become a skilled musician.
Yes. Well, good news,
all it takes is practice...
No...
...discipline...
No.
...and hard work.
No! Okay. Hearing a lot of no's.
Look, I just want to get good
enough to get back into my band,
get discovered, make
it big, throw it all away,
get it back again, and we'll
see what happens from there.
Okay. Let's open up
the workbook.
Work book? Do you hear
how you sound right now?!
Gene, settle down.
Listen to this.
That's a terrible song.
It's not a song. It's scales.
Gross.
It's not gross.
It's gross.
It's scales. It can't be gross.
It's gross.
It's not gross! It's scales!
Well, I'm just sayin',
it could use drums or somethin'.
What?
Nothing.
Again. Again?!
We've been doing this for hours!
You've been doing
it for 45 seconds.
Aah! I can't take it anymore!
Gene, you don't become
a skilled musician overnight.
But that's exactly
what I have to do!
Lenny Destefano's
birthday party is tomorrow!
You're playing Lenny Destefano's
birthday party? I was.
Why don't you try
and book next year
or the year after
that and practice until then?
And see if you can get me on
as your opening act, would ya?
Who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna be
a skilled musician.
I think I'm just gonna go home.
Would it help if
I played you out? Maybe.
♪ He's a-leavin' little early,
but that's okay ♪
♪ He seems real depressed
and a... ♪ Okay, not helping!
What?
Not helping!
All right. It was
a work in progress.
There's my little Genethoven.
How was your first music lesson?
What'd you learn?
I learned
that I don't have what it takes.
What are you talkin' about?
You've got swagger,
you got flare, you got panache.
What else is there?
I'm not getting back in my band
or any band!
I'm never gonna get
to hear one of my songs used
in a Hyundai Elantra commercial!
Never!
Aw, I'd give you a hug, hon,
but I'd get stinky pit
paste all over your head.
Why do I never get that warning?
Time to reapply.
Ugh! Oh, God,
you released the beast!
It smells fine
if you don't breathe.
We got to move, Lin.
It's gonna stink up the whole place.
All right, we're goin' out
to the alley to reapply.
Tina, Louise,
comfort your brother.
There, there.
I know what'll make
you feel better.
Here comes Ticklin' Tina.
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
I don't need to be a musician.
In fact,
I don't need music at all.
Really? What?
Stop looking at me like that,
keyboard! You know I'm right!
What would you do instead?
Mmm. Maybe I'll be a baker.
Or a candlestick maker.
♪ Maybe I'll be a potter ♪
♪ Or a teacher
like Welcome Back, Kotter ♪
♪ Maybe I'll juggle
or maybe I'll juice ♪
♪ Be a Top Gun
and be friends with Goose ♪
♪ One thing I know for sure ♪
♪ I don't need music ♪
♪ I don't need you anymore ♪
♪ I don't need music ♪
♪ I'm gonna kick you
right out the door ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Need ♪
♪ Music ♪
♪ Anymore! ♪
Aah! Why don't you take the hint
and leave me alone?!
Here! Take this thing
and get rid of it for me!
What are you saying?
I never want to see
or hear from it again.
Burn it.
Gene,
you don't want to do that.
Take it! I have to report
to the Miramar Naval Air Station
in Miramar, California!
Come on out, sweetie.
You been in there all morning.
Gene, come on, we gotta
open up the restaurant.
No, thank you!
I'm fine!
We missed you at breakfast.
We missed
all your funny banana jokes.
That one where you pretend
the banana is your penis.
Eh, don't love that one. Why?
It's a little easy.
Why? What do you mean, "easy"?
He's got other ones.
Like what? Which ones?
He does the banana mustache,
he does Captain Banana...
Oh, yeah. Ooh! I know
what'll get him out.
Who wants to see Mommy's
big hairy pasty pits?
Nah.
Good idea, Lin.
All right, all right.
Nice try from the B-team.
You guys go ahead downstairs.
The A-team will
take it from here.
Gene, we're coming in.
B-team?
All right. We're leaving
but only because we have
to open the restaurant.
And we're not the B team.
No, like in a good way.
Not in a good way.
So, you're, uh,
still done with music, right?
Yes. You haven't
changed your mind?
Nope.
This is what I'm doing now.
Okay. Cool. Oh!
I almost forgot.
What is this?
That's your keyboard.
We burnt it.
Just like you asked.
That's what you wanted, right?
Yes.
♪ Keyboard, my keyboard ♪
♪ Keyboard, my keyboard... ♪
Keyboard!
I don't want you to be dead!
Aha! We knew it!
We knew you still cared!
And that's why we didn't burn
your keyboard.
What? This isn't my keyboard?
No. We burnt Dad's new socks.
Who does he think he is?
If you want to
see your real keyboard,
put on your burger suit,
do something about that hair,
and come with us.
Come on, Gene, let's play
together, like we used to.
You play the keyboard and we'll
play the cups. Like old times.
No. I can't.
I'm not a real musician.
Well, you're definitely
a real something.
Maybe "musician" just isn't
the right word for you.
Maybe you're a...
musishy.
Come on, Gene.
Just one song.
Yeah. And after that,
if you're still done with music,
we'll really burn this sucker.
Uh...
Mmm... uh... Come on.
There we go.
This is going well.
Mmm...
Mmm...
Hmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
There you go.
Mmm.
Look! They got Gene to play!
Wow. They really are the A-team.
♪ You want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ Do you want some burgers
and fries? ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
Yeah!
Burger Boy!
Give 'em some straw!
Oh, yeah. Aw.
Yeah. Ooh!
Wow! Spin!
Hey, you guys want to amp
things up?
Plug it up!
Plug it in!
What does that mean?
Plug in the amp!
Oh, right! Okay.
Oh, look! The kids have
a little flash mob out there!
This thing's turning
into a dance party!
I'm goin' out there.
Dog bark solo!
Lin,
I think the pit paste worked.
I can't see your rash anymore.
Oh, yeah! The rash is gone!
You can shave.
Yeah...
What? You don't want to shave?
I don't know.
I kind of like 'em now.
My little Harry and Sally. Ugh.
I mean, great.
Armpit hair!
Cool! Madonna...
Thank you!
Yeah!
What are you guys doing here?
Isn't it almost time
for Lenny's party?
Well, funny story.
Um, after you were invited
to leave the band,
and you reluctantly accepted,
we, um...
It's not fun anymore!
So you're saying you're sorry?
Yeah. Want to get the band
back together
and go play Lenny's party?
All right.
Hey! Who wants to go
to a cool sixth grader's party?
Yay!
Let's lead everybody
away from the restaurant!
- No, no, no, no! No, no!
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
I hope Lenny's okay with this.
What am I saying?
He's Lenny Destefano.
You guys are gonna love him!
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ I want
some burgers and fries ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ I want
some burgers and fries ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries, ooh... ♪
♪ I want... ♪
♪ Well,
there's some right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries, ooh... ♪
♪ Well, there's some right here!
♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies! ♪
♪ I want some
burgers and fries ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
Well, there's some right here!
♪ Don't you tell me no lies! ♪
I can't tell if they're helping
or hurting us out there,
but I think hurting.
Got me in here.
You're here every day, Teddy.
True, but today,
it's 'cause of them.
I think they sound good!
It's better than this
stupid hold music.
Oh, hi, Dr. Rinaldi!
No, no, I love your hold music.
Listen, Doc,
the rash is still there.
I did everything you said...
no shaving, no deodorant.
Oh.
Yeah.
But now it's in both armpits.
Eh.
Mm-hmm.
It's red and flaky...
itchy, bumpy.
Sometimes it's oozy.
I look like Jeff Goldblum
in The Fly.
Lin, please stop
describing your rash.
I'm on the phone
with the doctor, Bob!
I know. Everyone knows. Shh!
Sorry, folks.
It's not...
It's not a big deal.
It's not...
I mean, it doesn't get
in the food.
No, no, no, where are you going?
♪ You want some burgers
and fries! ♪
Talking to you, buddy!
Hey, thumbs up!
Yeah! I got a thumbs up!
That's better than a customer!
Cool song, Gene.
Yeah, you guys sound good.
I'm diggin' it.
You happen to be
in the presence
of child straw prodigies.
We're pretty straw-some.
That's awesome, but with straws?
Strawsome?
We borrow from a lot of genres.
Maybe you guys
can use a little wind?
Whoa! You just walk around
with that thing?
We were at orchestra practice.
And, hey, why make it difficult
when you can make it cymbal?
Are we punnin',
or are we jammin'?
Oh! Oh!
Ah! Ooh!
Guys, you know
what this is, right?
Tuesday? Oh, my God,
it's trash day.
No, we're a band.
Finally, it's happening.
Wait. We weren't a band before?
Uh... before we had the "raz,"
but we needed the "matazz."
So... what do you say?
Yeah! Let's do it! Okay.
All right, but I don't carry
my own equipment.
Yeah! That's the spirit!
Okay, thanks, Doc.
Boy, can that lady
talk about rashes.
What did she say?
The rash'll probably
go away on its own,
but I got to wear a tank
top to let it breathe.
It's festering
under there, I guess.
Look at it.
Can you see it? Lin, please!
It's like
my grandma used to say.
Starve a fever, feed a cold
and air out a festering
rash in a tank top.
Whoa, kids.
Outside only
with the loud noise, remember?
Dad, this is the noise
of a band.
Aw, you guys are a band?
That's fun.
What's your band name?
We're called
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
'Cause we have little ditties.
Oh, now I get it.
All right, everyone.
This is the first official
band practice,
slash, band lunch for
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
Yay!
Oh, we were supposed
to bring slash lunch?
I didn't get the slash memo.
Peter, I think you'll like the
changes I made to your recorder.
Oh.
I electrified it.
Give her a toot.
Cool. Let's wail.
♪ Burger and fries,
burger and fries ♪
♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh! ♪
All right, so we got that song.
Is it really a song, though,
if you just say words
over and over?
Hmm. Good point.
I guess most songs are sung.
But here's the thing.
When I sing, people
don't seem to really, uh...
how do I, uh, put it?
Oh, yeah, enjoy it.
Same with these two.
It depends on
your definition of "enjoy."
I just prefer chanting.
Can you guys sing?
Not if I want to live.
If only we knew someone
who could really sing.
I think we do.
Follow me.
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes ♪
♪ Watch out boy,
she'll chew you up ♪
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes ♪
♪ She's a maneater... ♪
Of course, Darryl...
the computer-nerd songbird.
He's like a funky Bill Gates.
♪ The woman is wild, oh... ♪
Wow, he can sing.
And he hardly even fainted.
♪ Oh, oh, here she comes,
she's a man... ♪
Darryl! Aah! Don't do that!
Darryl, ever think about being
the lead singer of a band?
Like, only every day.
Great! You can be
the lead singer of our band.
You guys are a band?
Why don't you see for yourself?
So, yeah, we're a band.
Guys, this is nice, but...
Casio and straws at lunchtime?
This is kind of kids' stuff.
I'm just saying,
if I'm gonna join a band,
it's gonna be a real band,
like Steely Dan.
Darryl, honey, don't wait
around for Steely Dan.
He's not coming for you.
He's not coming for any of us.
It could happen.
Just sing with us.
If you, like, know a song
that goes with these chords.
Fine. One song,
but nothing from Frozen,
'cause I don't want to cry.
♪ Girls, girls... ♪
Hey, Lenny Destefano.
Are you hiding from one
of your many girlfriends?
Yup. Hey, you guys sound good.
Are you a band? Yes! Um...
You guys want to play
my birthday party this Saturday?
GENE, RUDY, PETER & DARRYL:
Yes! Cool.
Not so fast, Lenny.
We have to go over the
particulars. What do you mean?
We want the corner pieces of the
cake, half of the piñata candy
and ownership of the streaming
and performance rights
worldwide in perpetuity.
I'm not having a piñata.
Get a piñata.
Okay. See you guys Saturday.
Oh, my God!
We just booked a gig
at Lenny Destefano's
birthday party!
So, are you in the band, Darryl?
Heck, yeah,
I'm in the band! Yeah!
The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
just got their first giggy!
You guys,
I blocked out my schedule
every day after school
for band practice.
Every day?
That's a lot of practice.
We don't want
to sound too rehearsed.
Uh, yeah, Gene, we do.
We want to sound really good.
Lenny Destefano's party
is a big gig.
All right, fine, as long as
practice includes snack breaks.
And bathroom breaks
and commercial breaks
where I describe
my favorite commercials.
Hey, Tina.
Hey, Jimmy Jr.
I guess you heard the news about
the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee.
Huh?
I was gonna tell you
that you're standing
in front of my locker.
Oh. Sorry.
What's the Itty Bitty
Ditty Committee?
Is that one of
those improv groups?
My cousin was kidnapped
by one of them.
That's our band name.
We're playing Lenny Destefano's
party on Saturday.
It goes from 5:00
to question mark.
Just kidding. It ends at 7:30.
Two burgers of the day.
I'm wearing this tank top 'cause
the doctor prescribed it for me.
Lin, you don't have
to say that to every customer.
What? I don't want
people to think
I'm trying to look
like a hot potato.
What's going on under there?
It's just a little hair.
I haven't been shaving
my pits. See?
Oh, my God.
Wait. Wha...?
It's just,
there's so much of it.
How long
since you've stopped shaving?
A few days.
It grows in really fast.
It's like animal fur.
It looks like that guy's hair
from Counting Crows. Yes!
Okay, all right,
everyone's having fun.
Say good-bye to Mr. Jones. Aah.
Guys, I wrote
a song for Lenny's party.
Darryl, here are the lyrics.
"His name is Lenny.
"It is not Jenny.
One time he ate a penny,
and he thought nobody saw."
Is that true?
True enough.
I changed the name of
the guy who ate the penny
from "Gene" to "Lenny,"
and it was a nickel.
And two pennies and a tiny rock.
All right, follow my lead.
♪ His name is Lenny... ♪
You know what?
This key isn't working for me.
Can we try it in D or E flat?
No can do.
Why not?
'Cause no know how to do.
I can only play in this key.
And I don't know
which letter that is.
Yeah, that's it.
Here. Let me see. Uh...
♪ His name is Lenny... ♪
Are we playing in the right key?
Oh, yeah.
♪ One time he ate a penny
and he thought nobody saw... ♪
Whoa!
Whoa!
Well, that was a mess!
Let's not do that again!
Ever. Right guys?
Okay, all agreed.
How was band practice, kids?
Good.
Fine.
I thought it was kind of weird.
Right, guys? Didn't you
think it was weird?
You mean when Darryl
played your keyboard?
And you stood there
looking terrified?
Yeah, that was weird.
Darryl played your keyboard?
Why?
You know how when you only know
how to play in one key,
and the other people want
to play in different keys,
and you're, like,
"What's a key?"
Whoa! Mom, your armpit forests
are really filling out.
You can barely see your rash
anymore, or your skin,
or anything behind you.
Dad, are you there?
Yes, Tina, I'm right here...
behind the armpit hair.
Oh. Good.
I love it! We finally have pets.
I'm calling them
"Laverne and Curly."
Too late. I already named them
"Harry and Sally."
Wait. One's a boy?
Obviously.
It's not a boy. It's a man!
No, it's not! I'd know
if one was Billy Crystal.
Everyone leave my pits alone!
That one just got angry
when you got angry.
Enough!
So, Linda's cooking today?
Yeah, she, uh,
thought she'd be more
comfortable back there today.
I'm hiding my pits.
Lin, would it help
if I took off my shirt
in a show of solidarity?
I got some weird stuff
going on under here.
No. Teddy, no.
Maybe.
Surprise!
As in surprise inspection.
Ugh. Hugo.
Hi.
Hi, Ron.
I see you're busy as usual.
Just do what
you got to do, Hugo.
Write me up for disorganized
napkins or whatever.
Oh, count on it, Bob.
I will.
But let's inspect
the kitchen first.
Hello, Hugo.
Hi, Ron.
Hi, Linda.
Linda, something is unusual
about you today.
What is that?
What? Nothing.
It's nothing.
Think fast!
Ah!
Aha!
Aw.
Linda here is in violation
of Health Code Title 21,
Section A, Paragraph eight.
"Excessive body hair
must be covered."
But I need to wear a tank top.
Need to? Why?
Because of this rash...
shida Jones.
Uh, big fan.
Oh, yeah.
She likes tank tops, too.
She does.
She loves them. Uh-huh.
Well, I happen to have
some armpit hairnets with me.
Ron?
Here you go.
Ugh! Are you kidding me?
If you want to avoid a citation,
you'll keep those on.
Come on, Ron.
Let's go down to the walk-in.
Poke the produce,
see what pokes back.
Great. Now I look ridiculous.
No. They look... good?
Yeah, very, uh... Wow.
It looks like I trapped
two hedgehogs under my arms.
It doesn't...
that much.
I love hedgehogs.
I got to go!
Lin, where are you going?
I'm shaving 'em!
Lin, wait.
Teddy, I'll be right back.
I got to go.
Go to her, Bobby!
Lin, don't do this.
I'm doing it, Bob!
I'm taking it all off!
The doctor said if you shave,
you're just gonna make it worse.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but leave the hair alone.
I hate this rash, Bobby!
It's turning me into a monster!
You're not a monster, Lin.
Your armpits have
monster qualities, but...
Look, we're gonna fix this. How?
First, you got
to give me the razor.
You're gonna do it?
No. I wouldn't... go near that.
Bob!
We'd have
to rent a hedge trimmer,
or hire, like, a lumberjack
or something like that.
Stop it!
Lin, listen, we're gonna
go on the Internet.
Yeah? We're gonna type
in "rash remedies."
Uh-huh. And we're gonna see
some horrible, horrible images.
But we're also
gonna get some help.
I love you so much, Bobby!
Hi. Wait.
Did we have practice
scheduled during lunch today?
Hey...
Gene.
Uh, maybe, uh,
you should sit down.
Oh, good! I got here
just in time for break,
my favorite part of practice.
Who's on whose lap?
Gene, there's...
there's a reason
why we were practicing
without you.
Because you guys need twice
as much practice as me?
No... It's because
we're making some changes,
and, uh, you are, uh...
We thought we should
be in the band,
and you shouldn't be
in the band. Sorry.
What?! I'm out of the band?!
Well, good luck getting
my sisters to play without me!
Oh, yeah. They're out, too.
Yeah. We're sort of evolving
away from straws.
The thing is, Gene, Rudy
and Peter are trained musicians.
And I kind of figured out how
to sing all your keyboard parts.
You can't sing my part and sing
lyrics at the same time!
Gene, he can.
We've seen it and it's so good.
Yeah, I brought in
a looper pedal, so I can just...
♪ Skoop bop boo boo ♪
♪ Skoop bop boo boo ♪
♪ Skoop bop boo boo,
skoop bop boo boo... ♪
♪ I can sing on top
of my voice ♪
♪ That's me,
this is also me... ♪
But this is my band!
I started all of this!
Yeah, and you're, like,
the most fun member.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm all drama.
But the thing is
you can't actually...
play.
You only know three chords!
But I know them very well!
Well, two of them
I know very well!
The other one I'm just
getting acquainted with!
This is hard for everyone, Gene.
But mostly for me!
Yeah.
True.
Fine!
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get
really, really good
in time for Lenny's party!
Lenny's party's
in two days, Gene.
I know that, Darryl!
You guys are gonna be begging me
to listen to you
beg me to come back!
The door's always open, Gene.
Except can you close it
on your way out?
I will slam it!
Stupid safety door
closing thing!
Oh, kicked out of your own band.
They David Lee Roth'd you.
I'm glad we got kicked out.
That was starting to cut into my
not-going-to-band-practice time.
And that time is precious.
I'm okay with it.
Now I can focus
on my solo straw stuff.
Like drinking liquids.
Guys,
we're gonna get back together.
I'm just gonna become the
greatest musician in the world
in the next 48 hours
and that'll be that. Easy.
What are you gonna do, Gene?
Go down to the crossroads,
make a deal with the devil?
Almost. I'm gonna ask
Ms. Merkin to teach me.
The music teacher at school?
The Queen of the Keys?
Yep! I figure
one quick power sesh
should get me ready
for Lenny's party.
Great plan, honey.
I'm ready for the garlic, Bob.
Not to be all Miss
When Is Dinner
but when is dinner?
And what is dinner?
You've been stirring
that stuff forever.
Oh, this isn't dinner. This is a
home remedy for my armpit rash.
We found it online.
What?! It's well past
dinnertime!
Sorry. It's just...
feed your children.
Okay, uh, Bob,
hand me the oatmeal,
the fish oil,
and the buttermilk.
No fair. Why do your armpits
get to eat all the fun stuff?
Oh, it smells really weird.
Hmm. It's not that bad.
I mean, it's a little weird.
Okay, it's really weird.
I'm just gonna try it.
No! Tina! It's my medicine!
Just give Tina whatever
your armpits don't finish.
I'm so hungry!
Bob, order a pizza.
Get one with oatmeal, fish oil,
and buttermilk on it.
So you want
to become a skilled musician.
Yes. Well, good news,
all it takes is practice...
No...
...discipline...
No.
...and hard work.
No! Okay. Hearing a lot of no's.
Look, I just want to get good
enough to get back into my band,
get discovered, make
it big, throw it all away,
get it back again, and we'll
see what happens from there.
Okay. Let's open up
the workbook.
Work book? Do you hear
how you sound right now?!
Gene, settle down.
Listen to this.
That's a terrible song.
It's not a song. It's scales.
Gross.
It's not gross.
It's gross.
It's scales. It can't be gross.
It's gross.
It's not gross! It's scales!
Well, I'm just sayin',
it could use drums or somethin'.
What?
Nothing.
Again. Again?!
We've been doing this for hours!
You've been doing
it for 45 seconds.
Aah! I can't take it anymore!
Gene, you don't become
a skilled musician overnight.
But that's exactly
what I have to do!
Lenny Destefano's
birthday party is tomorrow!
You're playing Lenny Destefano's
birthday party? I was.
Why don't you try
and book next year
or the year after
that and practice until then?
And see if you can get me on
as your opening act, would ya?
Who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna be
a skilled musician.
I think I'm just gonna go home.
Would it help if
I played you out? Maybe.
♪ He's a-leavin' little early,
but that's okay ♪
♪ He seems real depressed
and a... ♪ Okay, not helping!
What?
Not helping!
All right. It was
a work in progress.
There's my little Genethoven.
How was your first music lesson?
What'd you learn?
I learned
that I don't have what it takes.
What are you talkin' about?
You've got swagger,
you got flare, you got panache.
What else is there?
I'm not getting back in my band
or any band!
I'm never gonna get
to hear one of my songs used
in a Hyundai Elantra commercial!
Never!
Aw, I'd give you a hug, hon,
but I'd get stinky pit
paste all over your head.
Why do I never get that warning?
Time to reapply.
Ugh! Oh, God,
you released the beast!
It smells fine
if you don't breathe.
We got to move, Lin.
It's gonna stink up the whole place.
All right, we're goin' out
to the alley to reapply.
Tina, Louise,
comfort your brother.
There, there.
I know what'll make
you feel better.
Here comes Ticklin' Tina.
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
I don't need to be a musician.
In fact,
I don't need music at all.
Really? What?
Stop looking at me like that,
keyboard! You know I'm right!
What would you do instead?
Mmm. Maybe I'll be a baker.
Or a candlestick maker.
♪ Maybe I'll be a potter ♪
♪ Or a teacher
like Welcome Back, Kotter ♪
♪ Maybe I'll juggle
or maybe I'll juice ♪
♪ Be a Top Gun
and be friends with Goose ♪
♪ One thing I know for sure ♪
♪ I don't need music ♪
♪ I don't need you anymore ♪
♪ I don't need music ♪
♪ I'm gonna kick you
right out the door ♪
♪ I... ♪
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Need ♪
♪ Music ♪
♪ Anymore! ♪
Aah! Why don't you take the hint
and leave me alone?!
Here! Take this thing
and get rid of it for me!
What are you saying?
I never want to see
or hear from it again.
Burn it.
Gene,
you don't want to do that.
Take it! I have to report
to the Miramar Naval Air Station
in Miramar, California!
Come on out, sweetie.
You been in there all morning.
Gene, come on, we gotta
open up the restaurant.
No, thank you!
I'm fine!
We missed you at breakfast.
We missed
all your funny banana jokes.
That one where you pretend
the banana is your penis.
Eh, don't love that one. Why?
It's a little easy.
Why? What do you mean, "easy"?
He's got other ones.
Like what? Which ones?
He does the banana mustache,
he does Captain Banana...
Oh, yeah. Ooh! I know
what'll get him out.
Who wants to see Mommy's
big hairy pasty pits?
Nah.
Good idea, Lin.
All right, all right.
Nice try from the B-team.
You guys go ahead downstairs.
The A-team will
take it from here.
Gene, we're coming in.
B-team?
All right. We're leaving
but only because we have
to open the restaurant.
And we're not the B team.
No, like in a good way.
Not in a good way.
So, you're, uh,
still done with music, right?
Yes. You haven't
changed your mind?
Nope.
This is what I'm doing now.
Okay. Cool. Oh!
I almost forgot.
What is this?
That's your keyboard.
We burnt it.
Just like you asked.
That's what you wanted, right?
Yes.
♪ Keyboard, my keyboard ♪
♪ Keyboard, my keyboard... ♪
Keyboard!
I don't want you to be dead!
Aha! We knew it!
We knew you still cared!
And that's why we didn't burn
your keyboard.
What? This isn't my keyboard?
No. We burnt Dad's new socks.
Who does he think he is?
If you want to
see your real keyboard,
put on your burger suit,
do something about that hair,
and come with us.
Come on, Gene, let's play
together, like we used to.
You play the keyboard and we'll
play the cups. Like old times.
No. I can't.
I'm not a real musician.
Well, you're definitely
a real something.
Maybe "musician" just isn't
the right word for you.
Maybe you're a...
musishy.
Come on, Gene.
Just one song.
Yeah. And after that,
if you're still done with music,
we'll really burn this sucker.
Uh...
Mmm... uh... Come on.
There we go.
This is going well.
Mmm...
Mmm...
Hmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
There you go.
Mmm.
Look! They got Gene to play!
Wow. They really are the A-team.
♪ You want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ Do you want some burgers
and fries? ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
Yeah!
Burger Boy!
Give 'em some straw!
Oh, yeah. Aw.
Yeah. Ooh!
Wow! Spin!
Hey, you guys want to amp
things up?
Plug it up!
Plug it in!
What does that mean?
Plug in the amp!
Oh, right! Okay.
Oh, look! The kids have
a little flash mob out there!
This thing's turning
into a dance party!
I'm goin' out there.
Dog bark solo!
Lin,
I think the pit paste worked.
I can't see your rash anymore.
Oh, yeah! The rash is gone!
You can shave.
Yeah...
What? You don't want to shave?
I don't know.
I kind of like 'em now.
My little Harry and Sally. Ugh.
I mean, great.
Armpit hair!
Cool! Madonna...
Thank you!
Yeah!
What are you guys doing here?
Isn't it almost time
for Lenny's party?
Well, funny story.
Um, after you were invited
to leave the band,
and you reluctantly accepted,
we, um...
It's not fun anymore!
So you're saying you're sorry?
Yeah. Want to get the band
back together
and go play Lenny's party?
All right.
Hey! Who wants to go
to a cool sixth grader's party?
Yay!
Let's lead everybody
away from the restaurant!
- No, no, no, no! No, no!
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
I hope Lenny's okay with this.
What am I saying?
He's Lenny Destefano.
You guys are gonna love him!
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ I want
some burgers and fries ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries ♪
♪ I want
some burgers and fries ♪
♪ Well, there's some
right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries, ooh... ♪
♪ I want... ♪
♪ Well,
there's some right here ♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies ♪
♪ I want some burgers
and fries, ooh... ♪
♪ Well, there's some right here!
♪
♪ Don't you tell me no lies! ♪