Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 5, Episode 16 - The Runway Club - full transcript

I can't believe we're
at school on a Saturday.

The Cotton Candy Festival
is today at Wonder Wharf!

I heard they have unusual
and exotic flavors.

Like lasagna.
And chimichurri!

Well, you'll never know since
you'll all be in detention.

Dad, Tina will give you all
the money in her bank account

if you take us to Wonder Wharf
right now.

Please? By the time we get

out of detention,
the festival will be over.

Well, you should've thought about
that before you got in trouble.

Good kids eat cotton,
bad kids eat notton'.



I can't believe you won't go
to detention for me.

I already told you,
if I could I would,

but I can't fit into
your clothes, Tammy.

You know I want to. You want
to go to detention for me

or you want to wear my clothes?

J-Just go.

Mom, I can't believe
I got detention.

Don't even worry about it.
You're, like, really pretty.

All day, huh? Oof, this is gonna
suck for you, really.

Hey, there's Bob. Hey, Belcher!

You got three kids
in detention, huh?

Yeah, Jimmy.

I only got one. I win!

Well, I... had none in...
detention yesterday!



How many did you have in...

Don't roll up your window!
(yelling indistinctly)

Roll it back down!

(tires screech)

MR. FROND: Well? Do any of you

have anything to say
for yourselves

after what happened yesterday
at school?

I have something to say.

I'd like to apologize
on behalf of Tammy.

She's a horrible person
who caused all of this,

and everyone should be released
from this hell pit except her.

Thank you. You're a liar
without a hair dryer.

This is your sister's fault!

I'm a boy!

Not you, Gene. Tina.

She caused all of this.

If by "caused" you mean
"didn't cause," then, yeah,

I caused this. High five. Sure.

Ow. Too hard.
From what I remember,

this was caused by one thing
and one thing only: fashion.

(sighs) Okay, so this is it.

Day one with my new look.

I can't believe
I'm wearing this at school.

I barely recognize you.

Maybe I shouldn't do it.
No, no.

If you want to dazzle,
you got to take razzles.

That's a dazzling way
to say "risks."

You take fashion risks
with your fashion wrists.

Hi, how are you guys?

They're speechless, Tina.
They don't know what to say

because they've never seen
anything so original.

I think you're right.
Guys, this is going great.

(gasps) (gasps)

Oh, my God!

Tina's wearing the same
bracelet as you, Tammy!

Tina, you need to take
that off right now.

Sparkle jelly bracelets are
my thing since yesterday

when I bought it.
Yeah.

Tammy, I understand
you're disappointed.

I'm a little disappointed, too.
Before I saw it on you,

I thought
this bracelet was classy.

Take... it... off.

I... would... rather... die.

Then you will die!

(all shouting)

Get off my sister!

Hey! You guys playing Red Rover?

Send Zeke on over!

I don't know what to do! The
fire department will fix this!

(fire alarm ringing)

Yeah! Foam party!

(shouting)

Detention! Saturday!

All of you!
What?!

Admit it, Tina, the only reason

you wore
that sparkle jelly bracelet

was because you wanted
to copy me, okay?

That's not true.
I wore it because I wanted

to make a statement
without saying a word.

Mm-kay, well, I have
a statement for you then.

(grunts) Darn it! Ugh!

Why can't I fart when I want to?

Where are the kids?

They got detention, Teddy.

On the day
of the Cotton Candy Festival?

That's rough. Wish I could go,
but I can't trust myself.

You think you're gonna get one,
maybe two cottons,

next thing you know
you're getting kicked out

of the festival, and they take
away your car keys.

Right. Hi, sweetie.
Can I help you?

Hi. Good afternoon.
My name is Sally.

I hope
that you're enjoying your day.

Would you like to buy
some magazine subscriptions

to help me learn
communication skills,

help me buy textbooks,

and send me on a trip
to Turtle Camp in Florida?

I'm only 283 points
away from my goal.

Turtle Camp?
Uh, no, thanks.

We're-we're not interested.
At all.

Aw. I love turtles.
What do you do at camp?

You get in a little canoe
with them? Do turtle crafts?

You can select
up to ten magazines

from any of these titles
for only $17.

That sounds like a great deal.
Where do I sign? (quietly): Fake.

This is fake. Not real.
I'll take a look!

Fake.
Let me see what you got.

Jacuzzi Enthusiast.

Ooh, they got Lotion Monthly.
Ooh. Ooh, ooh.

Aw, Healthy Babies Digest.
Aw...

(quietly): Lin, th-they never
send you the magazines.

You will start receiving issues
within 30 days.

Uh, hold on one second, Sally.

Quick conversation over here
with my wife.

Lin, no.
They have Open-Toe Living.

Linda, it's a scam.

You give them money,
and they just take it.

Sally's a scammer?
Our Sally?

Somebody's scamming her, too.
They put her up to it.

What are we talking
about over here?

Somebody is scamming Sally.

Bastard!
We got to help her.

Or we can just nicely
ask her to leave.

No, Bobby. We lost three kids
to detention today.

We're not losing Sally, too.

(sobs): Sally! What?

Nothing, Sally!
Nothing. Uh, no.

Fashion has become toxic
here at Wagstaff.

Believe it or not,
even I have been the recipient

of what some people call
a "fashion thrashin'."

(urinating)

Wha...

What?!

Wh-What?
"More like sweater mess"?

That night, I was upset.

But instead of lashing out
in anger,

I turned to the needle.

That's right.
The knitting needle.

I rehabilitated myself
with fashion.

That's an emotional-ass story,
Mr. Frond.

Fashion should be
a form of expression,

not a weapon
to tear people down.

That is why I have decided
to team you up

and pitch you against each other
in a fashion contest.

So far, this all makes sense.
Uh, no, thanks.

If you need me, I'll be zoning
out pretty hard over here.

And I'm gonna sleep
with my eyes open.

Like this.
(snoring)

Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine!
The winning team will be allowed

to leave detention
three hours early.

Wait, what?
Seriously?

We can go
to the Cotton Candy Festival!

Mr. Frond, you got yourself
a fashion contest.

Welcome to... Scared Fabulous!

(quietly): Hey, Tina.
How about a side bet?

Winner gets to wear
the sparkle jelly bracelet.

Loser has to throw
theirs in the trash.

Deal. We've got
a deal like Ally McBeal.

We've got a deal like
Steven Spiel... berg.

Welcome to Scared Fabulous.

You will divide into teams
and face three challenges.

You'll sketch designs,
collect materials,

and construct outfits
on your CPR dummy.

Good news for us, 'cause that
dummy looks hot in anything.

Then one of you will walk
your design down the runway.

You will have
three impartial judges

with a keen sense of fashion:

Ms. Schnur, Coach Blevins
and Mr. Branca.

What? The big three?

Aren't they all supposed to be
in Milan this week?

They're the only other
faculty members

who happen to be
in the building today.

I'm on Tammy's team!

I want to be on Zeke's team.
Someday we're gonna start

our own men's fashion line
then live in a van!

Yeah! Called Fancy Pants!

You're gonna fance the way
you pants. I guarantee it!

Fine, then. The last team will
be the Belcher kids. There are

three of you, but I don't
really see that as an advantage.

Don't underestimate us.
Our family's motto is,

"Maybe we'll get lucky this
time." I thought it was,

"Stop touching that!
You're getting it all greasy!"

LINDA: How's the burger, Sally?

You like it?
It's fine. Thanks.

So, are you guys gonna
buy any magazines?

No, Sally,
'cause your life is a lie. What?

Linda.
Sorry, Sally.

Uh, what my wife is
trying to say is that

there are no magazines.

You're-you're involved
in a scam.

Somebody is using you.

But I'm only 283 points away
from reaching my goal.

Sally! There are no points!
(gasps)

What?
There is no goal!

But...
There are no turtles!

Oh.
You got to get out!

What happened to the turtles?

Linda, calm down.

I guess I'm gonna get going.

Uh, okay, yeah, but did you get
what we were talking about here?

Give me a quick hug!

We'll, I'm not supposed...
(grunts)

Sally. I got to be on my way,
but, uh...

sorry to, uh...
sorry to, uh...

sorry to, uh...
sorry to bother you.

Bye, Sally.
What a nice girl.

Wait, where's my purse?
My purse!

Oh, there it is.
There it is.

Everything's okay.

My fries!
You ate them, Teddy.

Oh, okay. Can I get another fry
over here please?

MR. FROND:
All right. I just got off

the phone with Principal Spoors'
voicemail.

I feel like the message
went really well,

and I think what
we're looking at here

is a pilot program
that will probably go national.

So, Ms. Schnur, what
is the first challenge?

For my challenge, I want
each team to design an outfit

that I can wear over
a three-day holiday weekend.

All right, Schnur,
what are we talking here?

Martial arts tournament?
Canadian pill run? Antiquing?

No. I'm just gonna sit
on the couch all weekend

and watch a David Schwimmer
movie marathon.

Great! Okay, designers, time to
make her fab while you rehab.

Ms. Schnur wants to sit
on the couch for three days.

Gene, you were born
to design this outfit.

I'm like the Steve Jobs

of sitting on the couch
for three days.

Tina, you can be our model.

Uh, I don't know.
I'm not very good at walking.

You're getting better.
Just keep your head high,

pick your knees up, and make
every step a glamorous stomp.

You mean like a horse?

Mm... yeah.

♪ ♪

(grunting)

Clip-clop, girl!

I'm in.

All right, designers,
you each have

five minutes
to collect your materials.

Are we going to
the fabric store? No!

Oh.
For this challenge,

you can only use materials
from Ms. Schnur's supply closet.

And your time starts... now!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Ugh, you copied
my bracelet, Tina,

and now you want
to take my stapler?

Why don't you staple your mouth
shut, 'cause your face keeps

falling open and dumb words
keep coming out.

Mine!

No...!

Oh, there's another one
right here.

MR. FROND:
Welcome to the runway.

As you know in fashion,

one day you're in,

the next day
you're rehabilitated.

And out free in the world
eating cotton candy

to shove it in your face,
the whole thing.

The winner of this challenge
will receive immunity

in the next round.
Let's start the show!

(dance music playing)

(grunting) J-Ju's
wearing the Couch-fit!

For the d... For those days
you just don't want to get off

the couch, now you
don't have to.

'Cause you are the couch.
Spin.

Looking good, girl!

Ha.
Mmm, mmm, mmm...

It doesn't matter if she's out
on the town or in on the couch,

we wanted Ms. Schnur to look fun
and flirty, not gross and dirty.

This is me right now.

And... clip-clop. Clip-clop.

(grunting) Ladies and gentlemen,

I introduce to you
the Adult Bib.

The pockets are lined
with aluminum foil

to keep your chicken wings warm.

(quietly): We got this, Gene.
Tina looks great out there.

Horsey but good.
Ah!

Oh, no! My nephew
through the years!

Oh, nice one, Tina.
Uh, good luck winning

after you ruined
Ms. Schnur's family forever.

Uh...

MR. FROND: Now it's time
to pick a winner and see

who will get immunity and move
directly to the final round.

Zeke, Jimmy Jr., I found
your look incredibly offensive.

I am not a couch.

Tammy, Jocelyn,

your flirty outfit
would send the wrong message

to the Chinese food
delivery guy.

His name is Enrique, and he's
already very forward with me.

Belcher children,
your model fell over

and destroyed
all my photographs of Nathan.

Ms. Schnur, it's time
to announce your decision.

The winner of
this challenge is...

Come on, Schnur. Get us to
that sweet, sweet cotton candy.

...Tammy and Jocelyn.

(groans) Yay! We're popular!

Yes! Yes!

Sparkle jealous, much?

Blah, blah, blah much?
That's you.

I want cotton candy
much! That's me!

Kids, welcome to round two.

Coach Blevins,
tell the designers

about their next challenge.

Uh, I just came in today

to pull up
these old wrestling mats

because they're full
of, uh, blood and spit.

Mm-hmm.

Also, I need

to throw out these jerseys.

They're from the '60s, and they
have high levels of bacteria.

Yeah, but isn't bacteria
just a myth?

So let's just say the materials

for this challenge will be
wrestling mats and old jerseys.

Now, tell them what kind
of outfit you want.

Well, next Saturday, I have
a wrestling meet in the morning,

traffic school in the afternoon
and salsa dancing at night.

So I guess I need an outfit
that's a triple threat:

coaching, getting
my license back, dancing.

You heard the man.

Let's get started, designers.

TAMMY:
Good luck, designer-whiners!

We have immunity!

That means we don't have to
design an outfit this round,

and we can never die.

Just the first thing.
The second thing is incorrect.

(doorbells jingle)
Excuse me. Hi.

Can I help you?

Did you tell this girl
that she was part of a scam?

Um, a little bit?
Who are you?

I'm Trish, and I've been
helping girls like Sally

get communication
skills, textbooks

and trips to Florida
for the last 16 years.

Oh, okay. So you're the one

behind the whole
fake Turtle Camp thing?

Fake Turtle Camp thing?

Do you know what these
girls learn down there?

They learn to come out
of their shell. Yup.

Let me tell you a story, huh?

Once upon a time,
there was a little girl.

And she used to stutter
with a lisp, like this.

Th-th-th-th-th-th-th.

And then she sold magazines
and went to Turtle Camp,

and everything changed.

(gasps) Was it you?

Yes. Let's say yes.

These magazines change lives.

Oh, my God, Bobby,
it's not a scam.

We had it all wrong.
Uh, yeah.

Still think this is
a bunch of crap.

It-it just seems
like you're asking girls

to sell magazines
and then taking the money.

Okay, you know what else
a turtle can do?

Huh? Do you know?

A little turtle,
what can it do, hmm?

It can snap!
Snapping turtles!

So do you want
to see me snap, hmm?

No. Or do you want to
buy some magazines?

(groaning) Calm down.
What are you doing?

Okay, okay, take it easy.

Oh, no! Bobby,
she's pulling up the counter!

Do... you... want to buy
any... magazines?!

Say yes, Bobby! Say yes! Oh!

God, I'm going crazy!

Okay, do you have any
magazines about cooking?

We have Cooking in the Kitchen.

Great. I'll get my checkbook.

Get your checkbook. Get it!
I'm getting it!

Hurry!
I can't find it!

Okay, the designs are complete.

Let's tear them apart
metaphorically.

(grunting)

Coach Blevins will
be sporty and spicy

in this one-piece,
all-day dress shirt.

Mm-hmm. You'll notice the design
is backless, which is perfect

for salsa dancing
and gettinyour license back.

(grunting wildly) Come on!

Zeke is wearing a traditional
Japanese samurai outfit.

'Cause there is nowhere
this outfit doesn't fit in

and stand out.

Coach Blevins, it's time

to announce the winner
of this challenge

and who will face Tammy
and Jocelyn in the final round!

Uh, I honestly don't know
anything about fashion.

Can we just call it a tie?

No, we cannot call it a tie.

It's fashion. There
has to be a winner

and a loser.
Pick one!

Um, maybe

they should just wrestle for it.

That's how I usually
settle things in my gym class.

Fine, then. If that's what it
takes for you to pick a winner,

then we'll have them wrestle.

Wait. What?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Go!

Yeah! This is my kind
of fashion show!

Gene, get over here!
I'm gonna get ya!

Come on! Come on!

I just ironed this outfit! Aah!

(phone ringing)
Oh, hello, Principal Spoors.

We're right in the middle
of a fashion show.

I assume
you're calling about that?

It's-it's a little
hard to hear you.

Wh-What were you saying?
Stop it!

Oh, you... you what
Scared Fabulous?

You hate it. Okay.

Like, ironically?

Hey, Tina!
You guys are gonna lose!

So bracelet in your facelet
is what I'm talking about!

You want to go, Tammy?
Want to go?! Yeah!

I'd like to talk to you more,
a little more,

about the... Oh. Okay, right.

No morlls on the weekend.
Got it. Right. Bye.

So, designers, I just spoke
with Principal Spoors,

and there have been
some new developments.

Scared Fabulous
will abruptly end now,

and we'll all be
returning to class

where detention
will resume as usual.

ALL: What?!

What about the finals?

And the Cotton Candy Festival!

Whoa, Mr. Frond, hold on.

You're gonna let
Principal Spoors

just shut down
our rehabilitation?

It was a mutual decision.

(chuckles):
Oh, I get what's going on.

He didn't think
you were qualified

to run a fashion-based
at-risk youth program.

Maybe another teacher
will have to do it.

Someone with, say,
a knack for fashion.

Uh, I...
I'm Wagstaff's fashion guy.

I'm a better designer
than all of you combined.

I could sew you under the table.

Oh, really? Well, why don't you
put your knitting needles

where your mouth is?

One last challenge...
all of us against you.

Mr. Branca judges.
Right, Mr. Branca?

I like clean lines
and simple silhouettes.

Ugh. No. I don't want to work
with Tina. I won't do it.

Tammy shush. I'm getting us out of
here. I don't want to work with Tina.

I don't... I...
Stop it! Just shush. Shush!

If you win,
we'll tell Principal Spoors

that you scared us fabulous,

and that you're the best dressed
man we've ever seen.

But if we win, (chuckles)
we all get to leave early.

I'm a knitter, not a quitter.

Kids, you're on.

All right!
Hell yeah!

Oh, my God, yeah!
Let's do it.

You can take
our Saturday morning,

but you'll hopefully
never take away

our mid-to-late
Saturday afternoon!

Let the ultimate
challenge begin.

The fashionista
versus the detentionistas.

I can't believe I have
to work with Tina.

She smells like failure, and her
hair smells like ketchup.

It's not like I want to work
with you, either, Tammy.

And you're wrong.

My hair doesn't smell
like ketchup. My skin does.

Oh. You guys, try to keep it
together for one last challenge.

We'll all get out of here,

and you can hate each other
on the outside.

Let me paint a picture.

I am president
in the old country.

The revolution is underway.

The rebels have charged
into my palace,

dragged me onto the street,
and are demanding justice.

I must give a speech.

I want you to design a look
that will save my life

using a material

that I now work with every day
in your wonderful country.

Trash. You have 20 minutes. Dig!

Let's go!
Let's go!

BOB: So what do we owe you?

Let's call it $160.

Hmm. That's not how
much magazines cost.

(doorbells jingle)
JIMMY: Hey, Bob.

Just wanted to
check how many kids

you were gonna be
picking up from detention.

Still three? Not now, Jimmy. We're
in the middle of something here.

Yeah? What are you talking
about? What are you doing?

You know what? Just... Nah,
you-you wouldn't be interested.

Ha! Yeah, you're right.

But, uh, you know, tell me
so I can not be interested.

Well, we were just using
some of our profits

to help Sally here
with her textbooks

and communication skills
and Turtle Camp.

Just some philanthropy.

You know, giving back
to the community.

We bought 20
magazine subscriptions,

but it's not a big deal.

Nothing you'd be interested in.

20? That's dumb.
I could buy 40.

I don't think you could.

Oh, yeah, I could easily.

I give back
like a son of a bitch.

Hey, uh, why don't
you guys come over

to my place after
you're done here?

I'll take two of everything.

Whoa! Yes, sir!
You got it.

♪ Ha-da doo-dee. ♪

You should receive
your first issues

in ten to 12 to 18 weeks, huh?

Okay, thanks for
your support. Bye!

And I'll send you a postcard
from Turtle Camp.

Aw, I hope you do, Sally.
I really hope you do.

Me, too.
I hope I do it, too.

Bye. Love you, Sally!

Okay, thank-thank you.

Today was a good day.

Yeah. We got screwed,
but Jimmy got screwed more.

Yeah.

I found some cucumber.

Maybe we can make
a cucumber-bund?

Come on, Philip.

It's time to prove yourself
to the world.

Let's make something Fronderful!

Aah, we're out of peanut butter!

Where are we gonna
find something

that can wrap around
a human wrist? Hey.

What if Tina and Tammy each
threw away their bracelets?

Then we could use them
to hold up the lettuce.

Great idea J-Ju!
Thanks, Zeke!

No way. My sparkle jelly
stays on my wrist until I die,

and then
probably even after that.

Tina can throw hers away.

Why don't we throw Tammy away?

(girls shrieking, grunting)

Come on, girls!

Work together for God's sake!

Guys, we're gonna lose!

We're supposed to be at the
Cotton Candy Festival right now,

and instead we're standing
in a freaking Dumpster!

They're just stupid
sparkle jelly bracelets!

They're not stupid!
They're made of rubber,

and they have
a little charm on them,

and they define who you are.

Oh, my God, they are stupid.

I don't need
this sparkle jelly to dazzle.

I dazzle on my own.
We all do.

Except for Tammy.

How sure are
we that this is peanut butter?

'Cause it's starting to burn.
Sorry to interrupt.

Go on with what you were saying.

Tammy, these bracelets
are what got us in here.

Let's use them
to get us out of here.

I'm throwing mine away.

Thanks, T.

Tammy, now you throw away
your bracelet.

We need it
to hold up the other arm.

What do you say, Tammy?

Let the fashion show begin!

♪ ♪

(grunting)

This is my design.

It is a slim-fitted
European-style suit.

Apparently, Hildy the lunch lady

cuts her hair
in the parking lot,

which I have used
to make a fur lapel.

(grunting)

This is our fresh new design
made of not-so-fresh lettuce.

It's a tailored suit, perfect
for a summertime wedding,

or a summertime revolution.

Mmm!

Designers, I am impressed.

Both teams did an excellent job
making my trash suit.

Mr. Frond, your outfit had class

and sass. Kids,

the tailored fit
around the wrists

of my lettuce suit
was impeccable!

We can easily change it
to peccable if you prefer.

But there was a clear winner.

The kids!

(cheering, excited chatter)
What?!

Mr. Branca,
there must be some mistake.

Wait. Did Tina and Tammy

give up their bracelets
to secure your sleeves?

Did you...
collaborate on fashion

and build a bridge
to friendship and understanding?

We sure did, Mr. Frond.

Let it go, Tammy!
No! Never! Never! Never!

I'll take your arm off
with it if I have to!

Maybe I did rehabilitate
you kids after all.

Yeah, maybe.

Ah! I missed you, outside world!

What year is it?!

To the candy!

It's made of cotton!

Oh, my God.
It's Principal Spoors.

All the kids are gone.
Oh, my God. Fire! Fire!

♪ Don't you love cotton candy? ♪

♪ It's made of cotton
and also candy ♪

♪ If your fingers get sticky ♪

♪ Eat off your hand,
lickety-licky ♪

♪ Don't you love cotton candy? ♪

♪ Ah, don't, don't,
don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you love cotton candy? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah. ♪