Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Dr. Yap - full transcript

I'm a human spray bottle!

Kids, just 'cause
your father's not here,

doesn't mean you can
spit-shine the tables.

Is Dad ever coming back?

I don't know
if it means anything,

but when he kissed me good-bye
this morning,

he said "Goodbye Louise! I'll
never ever see you again!"

He's just at
the dentist, Louise.

Dr. Yap is dreamy.
When he's looking at my molars,

it's like he's
looking right into my soul.

Well I'm glad you like
the dentist, Tina,



but your father doesn't
feel the same way.

Getting him there
is like pulling teeth.

Get it?!

I don't like the OK of you.

"You can trust me, Bob."

Yeah, but what about your
friend?

He looks really scary.

I'm-a cut ya.

Dr. Yap will be
right with you.

Okay. Don't touch
the instruments. They're sterile.

So, it's okay, we're friends.
No, it's not okay.

You're not supposed
to touch the instruments.

I was being serious.
Right, right, I'm sorry, yeah. Of course.

Those aren't their voices.
I know.



Guess who's on new meds!

Gayle! What a surprise!

Look, kids,
your Aunt Gayle is here.

Oh, my God.
You didn't even call.

Who does that?
Just you.

And she brought a suitcase.

This is the first stop

on my Eat, Pray, Love
trip around the world.

All right!

Aunt Gayle got her
groove back... sexy.

I'll only be here for a few
days, on my way to Indonesia.

Or maybe just home again

and order Indonesian take-out.

All right, well, let me
take your stuff upstairs.

You can stay in Tina's room.

We can stay up
all night gossiping.

What's up with Linda lately?

Wait, I brought gifts!

I picked them out
at a truck stop.

For you Tina, a cassette tape.

The original motion picture
soundtrack to Milk.

Cool.

And for Louise...
four-hour energy drink.

I saved you the last 45 minutes.

Thank you!

And finally, for Gene,
a jawbreaker.

I got candy!

No fair!

I'll challenge you for it.
What kind of challenge?

Why don't you guys have a hug-of-war?
Done!

No, wait, wait! That's not fair!
I love you! I love you!

We can't use strength in this!
Meh.

Whoever makes the grossest drink
gets the jawbreaker.

Tina, you'll be the judge.
Okay.

Yeah.

♪ Doo-wah, a little bit of butter, a little
bit of dirt ♪ ♪ Little bit of dirt, whoo ♪

Hey.
I need that!

Stop it!
Give it back!

Bob's at the dentist today,

so I got to watch
the kids and the restaurant.

Well, why don't I take 'em

and go pick up Bob
when he's ready?

I've always wanted
to drive a car.

Oh, thank you!

Ah, the new Gayle is happy
and helpful... I love it.

The use of dust from
the floor was risky,

but it paid off.

I almost threw up.

Louise wins.

Yes!

Mmm!

Hey, there, Bob.
Ready to party?

Yeah.

Ugh, what a day.
What happened?

I had a patient in here earlier

and I accidentally stuck a
needle through his cheek.

Just... I hate Mondays.
Oh...

Uh, no, wait, wait, wait!

Uh, wait, Dr. Yap,
what is that?

Oh, that?
That's Greta.

What'd you say, Greta?
Huh? You ticklish?

You're ticklish?
You want me tickle you?

You want me tickle you?!

You have a really great
relationship with your guitar.

Ah, no, wait, wait, wait.
What's, uh...

What's that?
Oh, that's me at my $30,000 time share.

I own it with
six other families.

Three times out of the year,

I can go up there
any time I want to.

That sounds amaz...
Wait, wait! What's that?

That, my friend, is my latest
graduation medallion...

from The Persuasion Arts.

It's the ancient art
of picking up women.

We follow The Prince of
Persuasia's three-step program,

and it works!
The Prince of Persuasia?

Mm-hmm. He's a prophet.

And for three payments of $900,
he can be your best friend.

$900?

That's right, Bob.
Your negligent flossing habits

are funding my
one way ticket to Pound Town.

Yeah. Well, I... Ow!

I'll tell you all about it

when you get back
from Snooze City.

Pound Town...

I don't wanna see Pound Town.

♪ Town of the pound... ♪

Hello, Dr. Yap.
Hi, Dr. Yap.

Oh, hey, Dr. Yap.
Funny running into you here.

Hello, Belcher children
and lady I don't know.

I'm Bob's sister-in-law Gayle.

Bob never mentioned he had a
semi-attractive sister-in-law.

Thank you. Bob never
mentioned he had a dentist.

He's in Room One.

Hey, baby.

You look funny.

Did you bring any honey

for these biscuits?

Oh!

Oh, it's been a long time

since my pillows got fluffed.

You're stupid.
Let's go home.

For Christmas,
I want to get Dr. Yap

a subscription to Highlights.
He loves that magazine.

I'm gonna get him
some laughing gas

from my private tank.

I'm gonna give him my business,
from all this jaw breaking.

Mm...

Come on, baby, give me a smooch.

Oh, we shouldn't...

Your tongue feels so much
different than my cat's.

I guess we could go around
the block one more time.

Wait a second, ah...

Whoo!

Aah! Gayle!
What are you doing here?

I can't believe
we did that, Bob.

That was a huge mistake.

We can't do it again.

Although we both want to.

What are you talking about?

She's my sister, Bob!

Linda can never know.

Know what?
You don't remember?

We made love.
What?!

With our mouths.

W-Wait a minute.
We kissed?

Yes, Bob.
In the car.

After you fondled my buttocks
at the dentist's office.

But Linda picked me up
from the...

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Oh, God...

All these years, Bob,

you could only keep
those feelings

bottled up for so long.

Now... you're my boyfriend.

Oh, God. Listen, Gayle,

I was heavily drugged, okay?

Tell no one.
Wait, no, no.

Gayle? Gayle?!
Oh, no...

What do I tell Linda?
Nothing.

Mmm...

Mm!

Okay, new challenge!

Whoever can listen to
Teddy tell that story

about his wel's the longest
wins the jawbreaker.

Okay, I'm game.

Hi Teddy. What was that
thing you were saying

the other day,
about your towels?

Oh, about how I
noticed my two towels

were slightly different colours?

Fascinating.
Uh-huh.

Right, and I was thinking,

were they the same colour
when I bought them?

Or have I washed one more
than the other over the years?

Great! That's it, huh?

No, go on. There's more.
What?

Well, what do I do now?

Do I wash the other one
intensely

to get it to match?

Do I return them?
Do I pretend I never noticed?

Can I still use them
as guest towels?

When am I gonna have guests?
I don't know.

I don't know!
What do I do?

You bought some at an
estate sale once, didn't you?

Oh, no, he didn't!

Oh, did I tell you about that?

No! You win!

I'll wait till Louise gets back.

She loves my stories.

Lin, we need to talk.

Something happened
earlier today.

I know.
You went to the dentist.

I'm so proud of my
little Bobby Baby Teeth.

Linda, I kissed your sister.
I was on drugs

that the dentist gave me

and I-I thought it was you,
and now, your sister thinks

we're going steady or something.

That...

is...

wonderful!

Y-You're not upset?

No, I'm not upset.

Gayle is finally feeling
happier and healthier,

and you want to give her
whatever she needs, Bobby.

Whatever she needs?!

What if, what if she wants
to have sex with me?

Whatever she needs.

Sex?!
Gayle's always wanted whatever I had.

I let her believe
she was "dating"

my high school boyfriend
Carl for three years.

Three years?!
And after she dated Carl,

she had the confidence
to go after Vinny.

I totally lost.
You're Carl.

And, eventually, she'll find
herself another Vinny.

Now go get cleaned up
for dinner.

You have to look nice.

♪ I know
someone who likes you. ♪

So, Gayle, are you
seeing anyone right now?

Funny you should ask.

I actually just met someone.

I feel like a teenager again.

Except my breasts
are more even now.

- Uh...
- It's like biting into

a piece of forbidden fruit...

unwashed fruit...

so dirty...

This isn't happening.

I mustn't, I mustn't,

but I mustn't not.

Linda, hallway, now.

She had her toes on my crotch.

I can't do this anymore, Lin.

No, no, this is working.

Now let's go have dessert.

Who wants cookie dough
ice cream?!

Me!
Yay!

And me!

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ I'm gonna find ya, Bob,
I'm gonna getcha, Bob ♪

♪ I'll getcha getcha getcha ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ I'm gonna win ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna getcha
getcha getcha getcha ♪

♪ One way or another,
I'm gonna see ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna meetcha, Bob,
I'll meetcha meetcha ♪

♪ One day,
maybe next week, Bob ♪

♪ I'm gonna meetcha, I'm gonna
meetcha, I'll meetcha... ♪

No!

♪ Your tooth is a king now ♪

♪ It's got a crown on it... ♪

That's funny.
So, you got any plans this weekend?

Well, I have a family, so I don't really
make plans. Yeah, I was gonna go up to my

time share in the mountains;
I invited my new hygienist.

But she can't come.
And she quit.

You guys could go up
if you want.

You practically
paid for half of it.

Ah, no. No, thanks.

Besides, my wife's sister
is in town, so...

Oh, you mean the amateur
brunette mature

that picked you up?

I'd let that happen.
Wait! Yes!

You're Vinny!
Let's go skiing! Allf us:

You, Gayle, everyone!
Boom.

Yes, boom!
What about kids?

Can you handle some kids?
Hell, yeah.

It's biologically proven that

children lead to sexual
intercourse and vice versa.

♪ Children
lead to intercourse. ♪

Hm, I wouldn't
phrase it like that.

Really? You wouldn't?

The jawbreaker may be going
up the mountain with you,

but it is coming down with me.

What was that, Louise?

I couldn't hear you with
my jawbreaker in my ear.

Get it out of there!
Rubby-rub, ear, ear.

Hey, enough! We're Dr. Yap's
guests for the night,

so behave, or else.

Yeah, don't embarrass me.

Let's just act
like a normal family

on vacation with
their sexy dentist.

Yeah...

Oop! Watch your face!

Look at that.
It's working already.

I told you.

You make her feel good
about herself

and she's Dr. Yap's problem.

Your work is done.

So no more kissing
my sister, you.

What? Huh?
Hmm?

Um, that's an expression for...

peeing in the shower.

I'm not gonna pee in
the shower anymore.

Why? Why doesn't he get to do that?
Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. Why can't I?
And why bring it up now?

It goes right down the drain.

You know what?
Let's all kiss our sister.

It seems like you and Dr. Yap
are really hitting it off.

You planned the perfect cover

for us to have
a romantic getaway.

What? No. No cover. No.

You pretend to flirt with Linda,

I'll fake-flirt
with Dr. Yap

and then we can sneak off
and hit the slopes...

my slopes!

Let there be light.

Welcome to the Yap Trap!

You caught me.

I'll give you guys a grand tour.

Linda, Bob, this is your room.

Soundproof walls.

So don't hold back.

I can yell anything I want;
No one can hear me!

I love my family!

Gene.

And here's the kids' room.

Mirrors on the ceiling.

Hey Dr. Yap, look up.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Okay, see you back in real life.

Hi.

That's funny.

There's only one more bedroom
but two people left.

Me and Gayle.

Yeah, Gayle,
this room looks comfy.

Why don't we just
put your bags in here?

No. I think I'd rather stay
with you and Linda.

Ho-ho, Lady Gayle.

Don't you worry.

We'll figure it out later.

And last, but not least...

"Jacooze."

It doesn't get hot,
but the bubbles still work.

We can make it hot.

Hey, who's ready to go skiing?
Let's get dressed.

Yap, I thought you were
hitting it off with Gayle.

What happened?

She's a fighter, Bob.

I like it.

And I have
The Prince on my side.

Hello there, my brothers.

I almost didn't see you.

I am...

The Prince of Persuasia!

There are three steps to
persuading women.

Step number one:

Trap your princess.

Physically corner her in a room
and eventually, in your life.

Insult your princess.

Insult her face, her body,
her brain, her car.

The lower her self-esteem, the
higher your chances, bro.

It's been biologically proven.

By me.

Brag.

Not lying, but close.

Make up a story about how you

single-handedly murdered
a wild animal.

Your story is going
to release a hormone,

deep inside her body,
called Insatia.

It makes women ovulate.

For sex.

Interesting.

Woop.

Oops.

Oops.

Oops. Whoops.

Well, Gene and Louise
don't want to ski,

but you guys, you want
to take a lesson?

We don't need a lesson.

Are you serious?
You both know how to ski?

Tina and I came up here

for the Tom Selleck charity
event... Ski for Babies.

For every jump he went off,

they were gonna give $100
to a baby.

Yeah, but he was a no-show.

All these people standing around
with cameras.

And babies.

All right, fine.

I'll skip the lesson
and figure it out as I go.

Whoo-hoo!
Lin!

Grab my hand!

Whah-ha!
Take me with you!

Sorry! Missed ya!

Aah!

Oh, God.

Trap him.

Oh, Bob.
This is our chance.

Oh, Gayle.
No. We can't.

Not here.
It's too visible.

We should do it in the forest.

Right.
Or the parking lot.

Great.

Insult your princess.

Your face is fat.

No, it's not.
It's perfect. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
What's that?

♪ La, la, la!
Livin' it up! ♪

Okay, we each shovel
snow into our pants.

First person to give up, get
hypothermia, or die, loses.

Okay.

I'm fine.

I love it.

Yeah, I don't feel anything.

This is great.

Ahh...

This feels incredible!

Here you go.

Thank you very much.

All right, I'll leave
you two love birds alone.

See you at the bottom!

Yeah, last time I was
out in the wilderness,

I had to snap a wolf's neck
while holding an orphan.

Bob!

Wait for me!

One time, in P.E.,
I beat a dog at basketball.

Playing hard to get, I see.

Playing hard to get, I see.

Here we go!

I love your ski
suit, Dr. Yap.

What size are you?

I'm a men's petite six.

Ooh, big boy.

You wanna swap later?

Swapsies!

Last one down's a Chimichanga!

Hey, Bob!

Let's look for a secluded
part of the woods,

so we can be alone.

No, thanks.
I'm good.

Uh! Aah!

Perfect.

I'll just follow
your Insatia trail.

Ah! Ah!

I'm okay.

Okay.

Who can build a better snowman?

Ho-oh!
Are you kidding me?

I practically majored
in snowman building.

Nuh-uh-uh.

Up there...

Ooh...

Bob!
I'm gonna catch you!

Gayle!
This isn't funny!

I'm out of control!

Me, too!

Mine's name is Greglisa,
the androgynous snowman!

He/She's from Thailand.

Mine is a self-portrait
of me in the future,

when I own a falcon
who holds my jawbreaker for me.

No!

I win!

Hey, where's the jawbreaker?

Ow! Ow!

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

I broke my tooth.

Finally, Bob.

We're alone.

Gayle, wait, I hurt myself.

I'm not wearing anything
under my snowsuit.

Oh, my God!

Except for my long underwear.

And my socks.
And my other socks.

And a maxi pad.

Ow! Gayle!

This is serious.
I need Dr. Yap.

We don't need him anymore, Bob.

Ow!

Hi, Bob.

Dr. Yap!

Thank God you're here.

This one's here.

But this one's down here.

Gayle!

Bobby!

Linda. Good.

This has gone too far.

And I broke my tooth.

Tell everybody
what's going on here.

These two were
fooling around, Linda.

Oh, Linda, I am so sorry you
had to witness our foreplay.

I can't believe this!

You're a hurtful slut, Bob!

I can't take this anymore, Lin.

You need to tell Gayle
what's going on.

Enough's enough.

Ow! My tooth!

Stop! Lin, please,
drop the act!

I'm in serious pain here!

Good!

It looks to me like
you're in need

of some serious dental work.

And a smack!

Ow!

I don't have any Novocain
with me, Bob, so...

Unfortunately for you...

you'll be experiencing
some pain.

Uh-uh.

A little pain might
do him some good.

Bring him back to his senses.

No! I need drugs!

Let's tie his tooth
to the front door

and then order a pizza

and tell the guy
to let himself in.

That's stupid.

Let's tie it to a deer,

and then tell the deer
he's late for a meeting!

Gene.

We're two princes, Bob.

And we're going after
the same princess.

But only one of us has pliers.

Why'd you kiss me?

Stop it!

No! Noooo!

Yes!
I have Dad's tooth!

Who am I? Who am I?

I'm Dad!

Ow!

My tooth hurts!

Ow!

I want it!

Challenge me for it.

Whoever drinks the most
Jacuzzi water wins!

Sold.
Yeah!

Dr. Yap, earlier today,
I fell for you.

But after watching you
torture my father,

I think we should
just be friends.

With dental benefits.

Okay.

Hey, now that Bob's
out of the picture,

maybe you and I could
hop in the "Jacooze"

for a nice cold dip, hmm?

Eh, let me know
when Bob wakes up.

But... I-I did
all three steps!

Nobody likes me!

Aw, people like you.

Shh, shh. Little baby.

Little baby.

You don't worry
about Gayle, okay?

You're a good guy.
A real catch.

No! No!

Ow...

What happened?

You!
Linda wasn't enough, huh?

So you had to have Gayle, too?

Well, maybe if you dropped
the whole persuasion thing,

Gayle might actually pay
attention to you.

Well, Linda pays
attention to me.

In fact, she said she wanted
to get in my snow suit.

Didn't you, Linda?

What?

I did?

You did?!

Wait a minute!

You're in love
with Dr. Yap?!

Hmm... Yes!

I am in love
with Dr. Yap.

You are?

Wait, what is going on here?

Well, that's too bad,
because I'm in love with him.

I knew it from the moment we met

that this short, weird,
musky dentist

was the man of my dreams.

Makes sense.

He's mine!

No, he's mine!

Who wants me more?

Don't be gentle.

No!

Come on, Dr. Yap.

Let's go.

See? It all worked out.

It all worked out?!

You slapped me.
I lost a tooth.

When I saw her
on top of my Bobby,

kissing him and touching him...
oh, I went mental.

Well, I'll never kiss
your sister again.

Next challenge!

First person to catch
a squirrel wins!

I'm the Squirrel Whisperer.

But you put me up to this.

Yeah, well, I didn't appreciate
seeing it with my own eyes.

But hey, at least
we got to go skiing, right?

That was fun.

Right?

Got one!

No fair!
It's dead!

It's not dead.
It's sleeping.

Gene wins the tooth.

Come on!
Yeah!

Let's get out of here, squirrel.

Dress like her dad.

It release a hormone
called moan-a-tonin.

When you get into
an elevator with a woman,

press a higher number than her,

and then make a big
deal about it.

Push her in a lake.

Be one of the tallest
guys in the bar,

and brag about how long
your butt-crack is.

Sing a song that you
supposedly heard on the radio,

and make fun of her
for not knowing it.

Use the word "idiot."

Never make her pancakes.

Force her to make you pancakes,

in the middle of the night.