Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Moody Foodie - full transcript
A bad review leads to drastic actions.
Dad, don't forget monkey brains.
Yeah, and we need
more unicorn testicles.
That's where dreams are born.
All right, we'll get those, then
head back to the restaurant.
I just need fresh kale
for the burger of the day...
"If Looks Could Kale."
Ha!
Hey, Reggie,
I didn't know you guys
shopped here
for your restaurants.
What happened, Pepe?
And why is your face
painted like a cat?
I lost my restaurant.
We're trying to cheer him up.
I'm a kitty. I'm a kitty.
You didn't read the review?
Three weeks after
the Moody Foody's
hatchet job, Pepe's taco joint
is a yoga studio.
A hot yoga studio.
I bet, when it heats up,
it smells like taco meat.
Like my underwear.
The Moody Foody's on a rampage.
He nitpicks
every little thing, Bob.
He said my bread was stale.
Well, it is pretty stale,
Reggie.
That's 'cause I buy
day-old bread!
Okay. Okay.
I've been mapping
the Moody Foody's
patterns for months.
He follows a precise
ethnic sequence in restaurants:
Asian, European,
Latin, American.
Like Larry King with his wives.
Man, you guys
are obsessed with this critic.
You should be, too!
According to my calculations,
you're next.
Um... okay, that's fine.
For all you know, he's
already reviewed you.
He's a master of disguise.
Yeah, when he reviewed my place,
he was dressed like a
construction worker.
For me, he was
an E.R. doctor.
Park ranger.
But listen, Bob,
the guy's got a tell.
Before every meal,
he wipes his hands
with a blue handkerchief.
Blue.
Watch for that, Bob... blue.
(WHIMPERS)
Here you go... $30.
What? No, I didn't
ask for these.
Nobody asks.
- You describe it, you buy it.
- Oh, look.
- He even got the hanky.
- TINA: Can you draw me
- on a horse with a zombie riding behind me?
- No.
Draw a picture
of my dad's moustache
really giving it
to a caterpillar.
No, don't do that.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Hold on to these sketches, Bob.
They could save your restaurant.
Uh, Tran, my restaurant
will be fine.
After all,
Reggie's bread is stale.
And, Pepe,
your carne asada
isn't even beef.
Carne asada is beef?
And Tran's noodles are...
So what?
I reuse my noodles.
If people don't eat them all,
I'm supposed to just waste them?
It's just, no offence, fellas,
but I use fresh ingredients,
so, you know,
I should be all right
if this critic comes.
Offence taken.
Here's you on a horse
with a zombie.
50 dollars.
Dad, pay the man.
No, $50... for that?
$50... it's a little girl,
a horse and a zombie.
Dad, that's so cheap for
what you're getting.
Look, if the critic comes,
it's just
- another customer, you know?
- I know.
Just a customer
who can shut us down
with one bad review...
that's all.
I know he can destroy us, Lin.
I don't need a pep talk.
And if I did, this would
be a horrible pep talk.
It's him, Dad.
It's the Moody Foody.
BOB: Gene, that's
Mike the Mailman.
You've seen him every day
for the past five years.
It's the long con.
It's him.
Tina, that's Gene.
Long con.
Thanks, Mike.
Yeah, thanks, "Mike."
I cannot hear you.
That's got to be
the food critic.
A Civil War re-enactor?
Ah, can't stand all
that drab Gray.
No wonder they lost.
All right, keep an eye out
for the blue handkerchief.
("DIXIE" RINGTONE PLAYS)
Hello?
You're really sorry?
Okay, I'll...
I'll come do the battle.
For the record,
the buttons are authentic.
All right, everyone,
back to work.
We're not going
to stand around and wait
for a food critic who may
or may not ever show up.
Dad, Dad, another
Civil War re-enactor is here.
He must be fighting
for the North.
BOB:
It's a Hasidic Jew, Gene.
You know that.
Blue hanky!
Blue hanky!
Blue hanky?
Blue hanky?
Yes, blue hanky!
That's the Moody Foody!
(GASPS) Blue hanky!
Blue hanky!
- Right there... blue hanky!
- Aah! Hanky panky!
- Blue hanky right there! Blue hanky!
- GENE: Hanky panky!
Quick, circumcise Gene.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Circumcise me! Circumcise me!
Quick, quick!
Okay, the Moody Foody
is here in our restaurant.
This is happening now.
Do you need a diversion?
I'll scream.
Cockroach!
Gene.
Let's bribe him.
Dad, take out the lettuce
and replace it with
this $20 bill.
That I took out of your wallet.
Oh, or tape it to his back.
That's not how
a bribe works, Tina.
(MUFFLED):
Yes, it is!
Now, everybody
calm down, all right?
We just do what we do...
we give him a delicious meal,
we get a positive review,
and that's that.
Yeah, 'cause if we don't,
it's curtains.
We're done.
Lin, stop pep-talking!
- Wha...?
- Let's just take a deep breath...
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
Not like that.
(MUFFLED SIGH)
(EXHALES)
Where'd Tina go?
She's out taking
the critic's order.
No, no, no.
Time for the charm bomb
to explode.
Hi there, customer.
Is someone hungry?
That's why I'm here.
Are you ready to order?
Uh, yeah.
I just need another second.
Are you just
going to stand there
and stare at me?
Uh-huh.
Oh, God.
(LINDA SIGHING)
Louise, go get Tina.
Shift's over, sweetheart.
Let's talk Palestine.
Or my order,
we could talk about.
Oh, God, Lin, go get Louise.
All right, all right, all right.
(GULPING)
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
How we... (BELCHES)
doing today?
The food here is so delicious.
I'm a customer.
Try the pad Thai.
Mmm.
Okay, everyone, great job.
Back in the kitchen.
Sorry about all that.
Um, I'd like to recommend
the burger of the day...
the "If Looks Could
Kale" burger.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh, you get it?
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, well, you're not laughing.
I don't think you got it.
"If Looks Could Kale."
Yeah, I-I got it.
(SIGHS) I'll have
a cheeseburger.
Coming right up.
(WHISPERING):
That guy's creeping me out.
Okay, it got a little
rocky out there,
but we righted the ship.
I set it up, you knock it down.
Right, Dad?
Yeah... right.
Thanks, Tina.
Smooth sailing.
Just like every day.
So, well, what kind of
burger did he order?
Crap.
So, I know we discussed
having the burger of the day,
but I want to say you
didn't want that.
Where did we land,
uh, in the end?
You seriously don't remember?
No, I do.
Um... cheeseburger.
Just remembered.
I just remembered on my own.
- Cheeseburger!
- GENE: Got it.
GENE: Uh-oh! Oh, God.
GENE:
Aah!
That's just the 3:00 fire.
Your burger may take
an extra minute.
In the meantime, enjoy the show.
Gene!
Oof.
(GROANING SIGH)
Ugh.
(GROANS)
"Overdone and dry."
It's like, uh, "above
and beyond," right?
(GROANS)
It's not bad.
What about "insufferable"?
What's that?
Maybe that just means
he didn't suffer.
That's good news.
I've seen some murders
in my line of work,
but what a hit job.
Wait, here's something good.
"The best part
of the meal was..."
"Continued on page 45."
"was the napkin
I spat my food into.
Thank you, little napkin."
Oh.
This is my fault.
I screwed up the burger.
It's my fault.
So it's settled.
Wait a minute.
You screwed up.
And you and you.
All right,
stop the finger-pointing.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
I... sometimes
I forget how horrible
you all are at your jobs.
You're all horrible!
Sorry. I mean,
you are horrible,
but I shouldn't
have said it so loud.
All right, okay.
That's enough of the papers.
But you are!
Okay, okay, enough. Stop...
How bad could everybody be?!
Stop the yelling.
Who cares about one bad review?
Don't be such a baby.
Come, come, come.
This is one of my vacant spaces.
It used to be a
burger restaurant.
Hi, Bob.
Hey, Mr. Fish.
How are you?
Hi, Mrs. Burger. Good.
Uh, Mr. Fischoeder, this
is still a burger restaurant.
Yeah, let us die slowly
in peace, you vulture.
Right you are.
One bad review won't sink
the SS Bob, will it?
You're like a benign tumour.
With a little bit
of hair and teeth.
I'm like a tumour with teeth?
Sounds cute.
Yes, little man.
It's a compliment.
Let's come back in a week.
It should be empty by then.
Don't worry, Bobby.
People can make up
their own minds.
You'd be surprised.
They don't need some critic.
As long as we get
Michelin-recommended,
we'll be fine.
Order up.
(GROANING)
What?
What? Something wrong
with the burger?
No, uh, it's fine.
It's just...
maybe you missed the mark
with this one, is all, you know?
What?
What do you mean, Teddy?
I don't know, Bobby.
Just tastes a little...
overdone and dry or something.
Overdone and dry, Teddy?
You're just quoting the review.
No, I know. It's just, now I
have words to put to my tastes.
Will you get a mind
of your own, Teddy?
I mean, seriously...
with your dead eyes!
What? My eyes
aren't dead.
He's not dead.
No, I'm fine.
And you, Mort.
- What did I... what did I do?
- Whatever! (SIGHS)
Lin, this review
is going to be the end of us.
- People think we're terrible now.
- Not terrible.
We're not terrible.
Bobby, you know that.
Look at me.
I know that,
but it doesn't matter.
We have one crappy day,
and then everybody reads
about it,
and now that's what
they think... forever.
MAN: Hey, how
about this place?
Oh, yeah? Well, your
haircut's overdone and dry!
And you, your pants
are overdone and dry!
Look at your dumb face!
It's overdone and dry!
Get back here, people!
Where are you going?
I want to review you
- Yeah!
- I'm going to review everyone!
You're getting it!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
"Two thumbs down...
my throat."
(CHUCKLES)
That's just rude.
Put it down, Bobby.
Just stop. Enough.
Attaboy.
Good day, sir.
Good day, Louise.
Actually, you've
had better days.
That's why we're here.
We're the PR firm
of Cooper, Molyneux and Juarez.
Wait. What happened
to Belcher?
Recent events have left
the name, Belcher,
badly tarnished.
Tina?
Here's Dad's image
before the review.
Here's Dad's image
after the review.
Rock bottom.
Aw. They made
a poster, Bobby.
Uh, you guys were there, too...
remember?
Destroying our business.
Hey, hey, hey.
Um, I'm pretty sure
I was in Sausalito that day.
I'm pretty sure
you weren't, Gene!
All right, all right, let's
stop blaming and start gaming.
Our firm specialises
in image rehabilitation.
This is our
Basic Image Cleaner Package.
Lunch is included.
GENE: Our Bad Boy
Robot Package
comes with a boob job.
Lunch not included.
Your father doesn't need
his image cleaned.
He's not a celebrity.
Dad's a local celebrity.
Like Eyebrow Man.
Remember before
his eyebrows grew out
and he was just Parrot Man?
I hate that parrot.
Hi, parrot.
(SQUAWKS)
Nerd alert!
What?
No one knows
about peoples' bad days
in other professions.
None of these jobs
get reviewed by critics.
I.T. support?
That doesn't get reviewed.
Sales analyst, not reviewed.
Stop torturing yourself.
You know what, take
off your cranky pants
and go take a nap, all right?
Accounts receivable specialist.
What's that? Sounds great.
I bet that job
never gets reviewed.
♪ Bup-bup-bup-bow, bup-bup-bow ♪
♪ Bup-bup-
bup-bow-bup-bup-bow! ♪
(LAUGHS)
I love this song.
Sam my man from Uzbekistan!
You got the Bob in the house!
A lot of e-mails.
Mostly spam.
What is that, ramen?
Tea.
Oh.
I thought it was ramen.
No. Tea.
Hey, what are we talking about?
I thought Kathy was
making ramen.
For some reason, I saw noodles.
Nope, just tea.
Huh.
(GROANING)
(AIR HISSING)
(HUSHED):
Hey, it's Jason's birthday.
Did you sign the card?
(WHISPERS):
Not yet.
Oh, here.
To the J-man.
(GROANS)
It's good cake.
My wife made it.
(A LA BORAT):
My wife!
(ALL LAUGH)
Borat!
Hey, do it again!
Jeff, get in here!
You got to hear this!
My wife!
Yes!
No!
26, 27, 28,
29, 30, 35...
Linda, kids,
napkin holder,
ice cream machine!
Oh, come here!
Dirty spot on the counter
that I can never get out!
Get over here! I love you.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I had a nightmare, Lin.
I worked in an office.
I had to sign a birthday card.
Don't touch me.
You're all sweaty.
- I hate signing birthday cards.
- You sign ours.
Actually, your mother
does it for me.
Oh.
Sorry.
Like we read those things.
Where's the money?
(CHUCKLES)
You know, I realised
I'm not a cubicle guy.
I can't do it.
I can't do anything
other than this.
Yeah, look at you.
If this restaurant fails,
I'm gonna kill myself.
- There he is, that's the spirit.
- Yup.
- You should ask for a redo.
- A what?
A redo. One time, to get out
of a Spanish test,
Kelly Mathis forced
herself to throw up.
I mean, vomite.
Hmm.
Then another time,
to get out of a math test,
she forced herself
to get her period.
That's how she got a redo.
A redo!
That's genius!
We'll get our period!
No, a redo.
No, period!
I'm gonna walk over
to the Moody Foody's house
and cook him dinner!
Wine him, dine him, 59 him, Dad!
That's right, Gene!
(GROWLS)
Thank you, Tina.
This time I'm gonna make the
Moody Foody a great burger.
All right!
If you think that's
the right move,
I trust ya... kinda.
Chant me out!
KIDS:
Redo! Redo! Redo! Redo!
Let's go watch this train wreck.
ALL: Stalking Dad quietly!
Stalking Dad quietly!
Oh, well, well, well,
the guy who couldn't remember
my order finds my address?
How'd you manage that?
Well, let's just say
some of my fellow disgruntled
restaurateurs
have been dump sacking
your house.
Oh, yes, the flaming
bags of poop.
But I'm not here to do that,
all right?
I-I came here to cook you
another burger.
Oh, well that's so Ni...
I'd rather be dump sacked.
Listen, I know your Bob's
Burgers experience was subpar.
I just want a redo.
Of course you do.
Great!
Let's get started then.
Where's the kitchen?
Ah!
What is that?!
It's a Taser!
Ow! That stings!
What is that supposed to do?
It's supposed
to incapacitate you.
I'm gonna send in a bad review.
I am... not shocked. Hey!
Oh, oh, I'm calling the police!
Don't, don't. Wait!
I just want to cook you dinner!
I just want you
to try my burger, okay?
Get off me!
Just let me cook you a burger!
Ow! Ah!
You're biting me!
Ah! Get... Ow!
Stop!
Dad, we felt we should
be here as your PR fir...
Oh, yes!
This doesn't look like a redo.
Tickle fight! Hyah!
Listen, kids, taping people
to chairs is bad, okay?
Never do this.
We're just helping him calm down
so that he can enjoy
this burger.
Bye-bye, frown!
Now it's a smile!
There. Comfy?
(ANGRY GRUNTING)
Good.
This is an old classic of mine.
It's called the "Girls Just
Wanna Have Fennel" burger, huh?
- God.
- Was that a nose laugh, huh?
Ow! No!
- Oh. I laughed, Dad.
- Thanks, Tina.
Yeah, me, too!
Don't tie us up!
Okay, big boy bite.
No, nuh-uh, no.
Not happening.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Mm-mm.
All aboard the burger train!
No, I'm not getting on the...
Open up the tunnel.
Choo-ch-ch-ch...
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Are you expecting someone?
Oh, that must be
my next kidnapper.
LINDA:
Bobby, you in there?
Lin?
What are you all doing here?
Linda told us about the redo.
We brought food from
our restaurants.
I brought no food
because that man,
he ruined my restaurant.
So... how's it going?
Uh, not great.
He won't eat my burger.
What?
Well that's just rude.
Linda, wait, don't...
Bobby... (GASPS)
you've taken him hostage?
(CHUCKLES)
No, no. He's in his own home.
"Hostage" is a little much.
It's not that.
No, no, "hostage" sounds
about right.
- Shut up!
- This is dark, Bob. Real dark.
I'll go get the jumper
cables out of my car.
No, no, no, no, no.
This should catch any
blood or bodily fluids.
No blood, no jumper cables.
Yes, jumper cables!
The man Tased you, Dad!
I just want him
to eat my burger.
(GASPS) You Tased my Bobby
and you won't eat his burger?
Well, we'll just see
about that, won't we?
Now all aboard the burger train!
Open up the tunnel, li'l baby!
I tried that already.
Didn't work.
Oh.
We can make him eat.
Oh, goody. Are those
the exact noodles
I didn't finish
three months ago?
No, they are the noodles
somebody didn't finish
yesterday.
So, there!
Oh, yeah?
Well eat this!
Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
Hey, come on!
Come on!
Well, if you won't eat our food,
then choke on
your reviews, huh?!
Does this taste
like enchilad-ass?
ALL:
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Eat your words, all of 'em!
- All right!
- So, Moody, eat the foody.
Guys, stop!
Shove it in there,
you get it in!
Guys! This is crazy.
He's not worth it.
You're right,
no one will miss him.
No, Pepe!
That's not what I meant.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
What now?!
He tripped the silent alarm.
Delivery.
I need someone to sign.
Help!
He's seen too much!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
All right,
this redo is officially out
of control.
Just now? That's when it's out
of control?
Uh, breaking and entering,
kidnapping.
Oh, and now opening
other people's mail!
It's not what I envisioned.
What the hell is this?
You bought Tin Cup?
That's a terrible movie.
You mean "classic"?
I like Tin Cup.
But it's a bad movie, right?
You ever see it?
No, I didn't see it.
Then how do you know it's bad?
I don't know.
It's just bad, right?
People think it's bad.
I think I read a review of it
or something.
See? You didn't bother
to see the Tin Cups
because some critic
gave it a bad review!
Hypocrite!
Who knows? Maybe you
would have loved Tin Cups.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cups.
No, it's Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Yes. Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
This is killing me!
Good, 'cause it's all
your fault!
You're right. You know,
you may have taped down my arms,
but you have opened my eyes!
I'll never give
a bad review again!
Yay!
In fact, I'm gonna go back
and change
all my bad reviews
to glowing ones...
and add smiley faces.
I think he might be joking!
Reggie, he is.
Enough talk! Do what you're
gonna do to these guys!
Nobody's doing anything.
He did his job.
And you know what?
I'm gonna go do mine.
Come on.
Let's go back to our
restaurants and cook.
Those of you that still
have restaurants.
Oh, that's messed up.
He's talking about me!
(YELLS)
Bob's got a point.
What are we even doing here?
I should be back
at my restaurant
smell-checking the meats.
From now on, I will
only dump sack him
when I'm in the neighbourhood.
But you took the fun out of it.
Sorry you got mixed up in this.
So, uh, what's it gonna take
for you to forget about today?
(GASPS)
$350.
$350?!
Yeah.
Um, all right, fellas,
cough it up.
Ah!
I don't have a...
I forgot, um...
- Seriously?
- You're not talking about me.
I, uh, have, um...
$48 here.
Give me the DVD.
You want Tin Cup?
Does it have any
special features?
Yeah, It's got outtakes.
But they call them
"Mulligans."
Oh, come on!
Before we cut this guy loose,
I just want one slap, okay?
In the back of the head.
You should give him
a purple nurple.
No, wet willy!
What is a wet willy?
A Guillermo mojado.
Ah. You do it.
I have no spit.
Willy! Willy!
Willy! Willy!
Willy! Willy!
Willy!
Guillermo.
Guillermo.
Okay, one wet willy.
("STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
WITH YOU" BEGINS)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(CROW SQUAWKS)
KEVIN COSTNER (ON TV):
That's how you make a birdie!
RENE RUSSO:
You're in the rough, McAvoy.
That's okay. I like it rough.
Is she still talking about golf?
One of the top five Don
Johnson movies, Tin Cup.
Are you still doing the
half-off-your-meal...
meal-when-you-bring-in-
a-bad-review promotion?
Yes, the promotion brought
to you by PR giant, Cooper...
Great.
Nice to have business
back on track.
Yeah, but Bobby,
I'm still so nervous
the cops are gonna show up.
Yeah. I wonder if he
called the cops.
(DISTANT PHONE RINGING)
Hmm.
911. What's your emergency?
911. What's your emergency. Sir?
Hmm. Mmm.
Hello?
Mmm!
Sir?
Oh...!
Great. Another one
of these calls.
Get a girlfriend!
Well, if the cops come,
we need a plan.
We can put Dad in a dress
and tell them he's our aunt.
Yeah, we'll call him
"Aunty Man Hands."
She came into town
for Dad's funeral.
Oh, plot twist.
I'm not gonna wear a dress.
Pantsuit?
Okay, fine.
I'll go get some pantsuits!
Fashion show!
Yeah, and we need
more unicorn testicles.
That's where dreams are born.
All right, we'll get those, then
head back to the restaurant.
I just need fresh kale
for the burger of the day...
"If Looks Could Kale."
Ha!
Hey, Reggie,
I didn't know you guys
shopped here
for your restaurants.
What happened, Pepe?
And why is your face
painted like a cat?
I lost my restaurant.
We're trying to cheer him up.
I'm a kitty. I'm a kitty.
You didn't read the review?
Three weeks after
the Moody Foody's
hatchet job, Pepe's taco joint
is a yoga studio.
A hot yoga studio.
I bet, when it heats up,
it smells like taco meat.
Like my underwear.
The Moody Foody's on a rampage.
He nitpicks
every little thing, Bob.
He said my bread was stale.
Well, it is pretty stale,
Reggie.
That's 'cause I buy
day-old bread!
Okay. Okay.
I've been mapping
the Moody Foody's
patterns for months.
He follows a precise
ethnic sequence in restaurants:
Asian, European,
Latin, American.
Like Larry King with his wives.
Man, you guys
are obsessed with this critic.
You should be, too!
According to my calculations,
you're next.
Um... okay, that's fine.
For all you know, he's
already reviewed you.
He's a master of disguise.
Yeah, when he reviewed my place,
he was dressed like a
construction worker.
For me, he was
an E.R. doctor.
Park ranger.
But listen, Bob,
the guy's got a tell.
Before every meal,
he wipes his hands
with a blue handkerchief.
Blue.
Watch for that, Bob... blue.
(WHIMPERS)
Here you go... $30.
What? No, I didn't
ask for these.
Nobody asks.
- You describe it, you buy it.
- Oh, look.
- He even got the hanky.
- TINA: Can you draw me
- on a horse with a zombie riding behind me?
- No.
Draw a picture
of my dad's moustache
really giving it
to a caterpillar.
No, don't do that.
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Hold on to these sketches, Bob.
They could save your restaurant.
Uh, Tran, my restaurant
will be fine.
After all,
Reggie's bread is stale.
And, Pepe,
your carne asada
isn't even beef.
Carne asada is beef?
And Tran's noodles are...
So what?
I reuse my noodles.
If people don't eat them all,
I'm supposed to just waste them?
It's just, no offence, fellas,
but I use fresh ingredients,
so, you know,
I should be all right
if this critic comes.
Offence taken.
Here's you on a horse
with a zombie.
50 dollars.
Dad, pay the man.
No, $50... for that?
$50... it's a little girl,
a horse and a zombie.
Dad, that's so cheap for
what you're getting.
Look, if the critic comes,
it's just
- another customer, you know?
- I know.
Just a customer
who can shut us down
with one bad review...
that's all.
I know he can destroy us, Lin.
I don't need a pep talk.
And if I did, this would
be a horrible pep talk.
It's him, Dad.
It's the Moody Foody.
BOB: Gene, that's
Mike the Mailman.
You've seen him every day
for the past five years.
It's the long con.
It's him.
Tina, that's Gene.
Long con.
Thanks, Mike.
Yeah, thanks, "Mike."
I cannot hear you.
That's got to be
the food critic.
A Civil War re-enactor?
Ah, can't stand all
that drab Gray.
No wonder they lost.
All right, keep an eye out
for the blue handkerchief.
("DIXIE" RINGTONE PLAYS)
Hello?
You're really sorry?
Okay, I'll...
I'll come do the battle.
For the record,
the buttons are authentic.
All right, everyone,
back to work.
We're not going
to stand around and wait
for a food critic who may
or may not ever show up.
Dad, Dad, another
Civil War re-enactor is here.
He must be fighting
for the North.
BOB:
It's a Hasidic Jew, Gene.
You know that.
Blue hanky!
Blue hanky!
Blue hanky?
Blue hanky?
Yes, blue hanky!
That's the Moody Foody!
(GASPS) Blue hanky!
Blue hanky!
- Right there... blue hanky!
- Aah! Hanky panky!
- Blue hanky right there! Blue hanky!
- GENE: Hanky panky!
Quick, circumcise Gene.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Circumcise me! Circumcise me!
Quick, quick!
Okay, the Moody Foody
is here in our restaurant.
This is happening now.
Do you need a diversion?
I'll scream.
Cockroach!
Gene.
Let's bribe him.
Dad, take out the lettuce
and replace it with
this $20 bill.
That I took out of your wallet.
Oh, or tape it to his back.
That's not how
a bribe works, Tina.
(MUFFLED):
Yes, it is!
Now, everybody
calm down, all right?
We just do what we do...
we give him a delicious meal,
we get a positive review,
and that's that.
Yeah, 'cause if we don't,
it's curtains.
We're done.
Lin, stop pep-talking!
- Wha...?
- Let's just take a deep breath...
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
Not like that.
(MUFFLED SIGH)
(EXHALES)
Where'd Tina go?
She's out taking
the critic's order.
No, no, no.
Time for the charm bomb
to explode.
Hi there, customer.
Is someone hungry?
That's why I'm here.
Are you ready to order?
Uh, yeah.
I just need another second.
Are you just
going to stand there
and stare at me?
Uh-huh.
Oh, God.
(LINDA SIGHING)
Louise, go get Tina.
Shift's over, sweetheart.
Let's talk Palestine.
Or my order,
we could talk about.
Oh, God, Lin, go get Louise.
All right, all right, all right.
(GULPING)
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
How we... (BELCHES)
doing today?
The food here is so delicious.
I'm a customer.
Try the pad Thai.
Mmm.
Okay, everyone, great job.
Back in the kitchen.
Sorry about all that.
Um, I'd like to recommend
the burger of the day...
the "If Looks Could
Kale" burger.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh, you get it?
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, well, you're not laughing.
I don't think you got it.
"If Looks Could Kale."
Yeah, I-I got it.
(SIGHS) I'll have
a cheeseburger.
Coming right up.
(WHISPERING):
That guy's creeping me out.
Okay, it got a little
rocky out there,
but we righted the ship.
I set it up, you knock it down.
Right, Dad?
Yeah... right.
Thanks, Tina.
Smooth sailing.
Just like every day.
So, well, what kind of
burger did he order?
Crap.
So, I know we discussed
having the burger of the day,
but I want to say you
didn't want that.
Where did we land,
uh, in the end?
You seriously don't remember?
No, I do.
Um... cheeseburger.
Just remembered.
I just remembered on my own.
- Cheeseburger!
- GENE: Got it.
GENE: Uh-oh! Oh, God.
GENE:
Aah!
That's just the 3:00 fire.
Your burger may take
an extra minute.
In the meantime, enjoy the show.
Gene!
Oof.
(GROANING SIGH)
Ugh.
(GROANS)
"Overdone and dry."
It's like, uh, "above
and beyond," right?
(GROANS)
It's not bad.
What about "insufferable"?
What's that?
Maybe that just means
he didn't suffer.
That's good news.
I've seen some murders
in my line of work,
but what a hit job.
Wait, here's something good.
"The best part
of the meal was..."
"Continued on page 45."
"was the napkin
I spat my food into.
Thank you, little napkin."
Oh.
This is my fault.
I screwed up the burger.
It's my fault.
So it's settled.
Wait a minute.
You screwed up.
And you and you.
All right,
stop the finger-pointing.
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
I... sometimes
I forget how horrible
you all are at your jobs.
You're all horrible!
Sorry. I mean,
you are horrible,
but I shouldn't
have said it so loud.
All right, okay.
That's enough of the papers.
But you are!
Okay, okay, enough. Stop...
How bad could everybody be?!
Stop the yelling.
Who cares about one bad review?
Don't be such a baby.
Come, come, come.
This is one of my vacant spaces.
It used to be a
burger restaurant.
Hi, Bob.
Hey, Mr. Fish.
How are you?
Hi, Mrs. Burger. Good.
Uh, Mr. Fischoeder, this
is still a burger restaurant.
Yeah, let us die slowly
in peace, you vulture.
Right you are.
One bad review won't sink
the SS Bob, will it?
You're like a benign tumour.
With a little bit
of hair and teeth.
I'm like a tumour with teeth?
Sounds cute.
Yes, little man.
It's a compliment.
Let's come back in a week.
It should be empty by then.
Don't worry, Bobby.
People can make up
their own minds.
You'd be surprised.
They don't need some critic.
As long as we get
Michelin-recommended,
we'll be fine.
Order up.
(GROANING)
What?
What? Something wrong
with the burger?
No, uh, it's fine.
It's just...
maybe you missed the mark
with this one, is all, you know?
What?
What do you mean, Teddy?
I don't know, Bobby.
Just tastes a little...
overdone and dry or something.
Overdone and dry, Teddy?
You're just quoting the review.
No, I know. It's just, now I
have words to put to my tastes.
Will you get a mind
of your own, Teddy?
I mean, seriously...
with your dead eyes!
What? My eyes
aren't dead.
He's not dead.
No, I'm fine.
And you, Mort.
- What did I... what did I do?
- Whatever! (SIGHS)
Lin, this review
is going to be the end of us.
- People think we're terrible now.
- Not terrible.
We're not terrible.
Bobby, you know that.
Look at me.
I know that,
but it doesn't matter.
We have one crappy day,
and then everybody reads
about it,
and now that's what
they think... forever.
MAN: Hey, how
about this place?
Oh, yeah? Well, your
haircut's overdone and dry!
And you, your pants
are overdone and dry!
Look at your dumb face!
It's overdone and dry!
Get back here, people!
Where are you going?
I want to review you
- Yeah!
- I'm going to review everyone!
You're getting it!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
Overdone and dry!
"Two thumbs down...
my throat."
(CHUCKLES)
That's just rude.
Put it down, Bobby.
Just stop. Enough.
Attaboy.
Good day, sir.
Good day, Louise.
Actually, you've
had better days.
That's why we're here.
We're the PR firm
of Cooper, Molyneux and Juarez.
Wait. What happened
to Belcher?
Recent events have left
the name, Belcher,
badly tarnished.
Tina?
Here's Dad's image
before the review.
Here's Dad's image
after the review.
Rock bottom.
Aw. They made
a poster, Bobby.
Uh, you guys were there, too...
remember?
Destroying our business.
Hey, hey, hey.
Um, I'm pretty sure
I was in Sausalito that day.
I'm pretty sure
you weren't, Gene!
All right, all right, let's
stop blaming and start gaming.
Our firm specialises
in image rehabilitation.
This is our
Basic Image Cleaner Package.
Lunch is included.
GENE: Our Bad Boy
Robot Package
comes with a boob job.
Lunch not included.
Your father doesn't need
his image cleaned.
He's not a celebrity.
Dad's a local celebrity.
Like Eyebrow Man.
Remember before
his eyebrows grew out
and he was just Parrot Man?
I hate that parrot.
Hi, parrot.
(SQUAWKS)
Nerd alert!
What?
No one knows
about peoples' bad days
in other professions.
None of these jobs
get reviewed by critics.
I.T. support?
That doesn't get reviewed.
Sales analyst, not reviewed.
Stop torturing yourself.
You know what, take
off your cranky pants
and go take a nap, all right?
Accounts receivable specialist.
What's that? Sounds great.
I bet that job
never gets reviewed.
♪ Bup-bup-bup-bow, bup-bup-bow ♪
♪ Bup-bup-
bup-bow-bup-bup-bow! ♪
(LAUGHS)
I love this song.
Sam my man from Uzbekistan!
You got the Bob in the house!
A lot of e-mails.
Mostly spam.
What is that, ramen?
Tea.
Oh.
I thought it was ramen.
No. Tea.
Hey, what are we talking about?
I thought Kathy was
making ramen.
For some reason, I saw noodles.
Nope, just tea.
Huh.
(GROANING)
(AIR HISSING)
(HUSHED):
Hey, it's Jason's birthday.
Did you sign the card?
(WHISPERS):
Not yet.
Oh, here.
To the J-man.
(GROANS)
It's good cake.
My wife made it.
(A LA BORAT):
My wife!
(ALL LAUGH)
Borat!
Hey, do it again!
Jeff, get in here!
You got to hear this!
My wife!
Yes!
No!
26, 27, 28,
29, 30, 35...
Linda, kids,
napkin holder,
ice cream machine!
Oh, come here!
Dirty spot on the counter
that I can never get out!
Get over here! I love you.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I had a nightmare, Lin.
I worked in an office.
I had to sign a birthday card.
Don't touch me.
You're all sweaty.
- I hate signing birthday cards.
- You sign ours.
Actually, your mother
does it for me.
Oh.
Sorry.
Like we read those things.
Where's the money?
(CHUCKLES)
You know, I realised
I'm not a cubicle guy.
I can't do it.
I can't do anything
other than this.
Yeah, look at you.
If this restaurant fails,
I'm gonna kill myself.
- There he is, that's the spirit.
- Yup.
- You should ask for a redo.
- A what?
A redo. One time, to get out
of a Spanish test,
Kelly Mathis forced
herself to throw up.
I mean, vomite.
Hmm.
Then another time,
to get out of a math test,
she forced herself
to get her period.
That's how she got a redo.
A redo!
That's genius!
We'll get our period!
No, a redo.
No, period!
I'm gonna walk over
to the Moody Foody's house
and cook him dinner!
Wine him, dine him, 59 him, Dad!
That's right, Gene!
(GROWLS)
Thank you, Tina.
This time I'm gonna make the
Moody Foody a great burger.
All right!
If you think that's
the right move,
I trust ya... kinda.
Chant me out!
KIDS:
Redo! Redo! Redo! Redo!
Let's go watch this train wreck.
ALL: Stalking Dad quietly!
Stalking Dad quietly!
Oh, well, well, well,
the guy who couldn't remember
my order finds my address?
How'd you manage that?
Well, let's just say
some of my fellow disgruntled
restaurateurs
have been dump sacking
your house.
Oh, yes, the flaming
bags of poop.
But I'm not here to do that,
all right?
I-I came here to cook you
another burger.
Oh, well that's so Ni...
I'd rather be dump sacked.
Listen, I know your Bob's
Burgers experience was subpar.
I just want a redo.
Of course you do.
Great!
Let's get started then.
Where's the kitchen?
Ah!
What is that?!
It's a Taser!
Ow! That stings!
What is that supposed to do?
It's supposed
to incapacitate you.
I'm gonna send in a bad review.
I am... not shocked. Hey!
Oh, oh, I'm calling the police!
Don't, don't. Wait!
I just want to cook you dinner!
I just want you
to try my burger, okay?
Get off me!
Just let me cook you a burger!
Ow! Ah!
You're biting me!
Ah! Get... Ow!
Stop!
Dad, we felt we should
be here as your PR fir...
Oh, yes!
This doesn't look like a redo.
Tickle fight! Hyah!
Listen, kids, taping people
to chairs is bad, okay?
Never do this.
We're just helping him calm down
so that he can enjoy
this burger.
Bye-bye, frown!
Now it's a smile!
There. Comfy?
(ANGRY GRUNTING)
Good.
This is an old classic of mine.
It's called the "Girls Just
Wanna Have Fennel" burger, huh?
- God.
- Was that a nose laugh, huh?
Ow! No!
- Oh. I laughed, Dad.
- Thanks, Tina.
Yeah, me, too!
Don't tie us up!
Okay, big boy bite.
No, nuh-uh, no.
Not happening.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Mm-mm.
All aboard the burger train!
No, I'm not getting on the...
Open up the tunnel.
Choo-ch-ch-ch...
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Are you expecting someone?
Oh, that must be
my next kidnapper.
LINDA:
Bobby, you in there?
Lin?
What are you all doing here?
Linda told us about the redo.
We brought food from
our restaurants.
I brought no food
because that man,
he ruined my restaurant.
So... how's it going?
Uh, not great.
He won't eat my burger.
What?
Well that's just rude.
Linda, wait, don't...
Bobby... (GASPS)
you've taken him hostage?
(CHUCKLES)
No, no. He's in his own home.
"Hostage" is a little much.
It's not that.
No, no, "hostage" sounds
about right.
- Shut up!
- This is dark, Bob. Real dark.
I'll go get the jumper
cables out of my car.
No, no, no, no, no.
This should catch any
blood or bodily fluids.
No blood, no jumper cables.
Yes, jumper cables!
The man Tased you, Dad!
I just want him
to eat my burger.
(GASPS) You Tased my Bobby
and you won't eat his burger?
Well, we'll just see
about that, won't we?
Now all aboard the burger train!
Open up the tunnel, li'l baby!
I tried that already.
Didn't work.
Oh.
We can make him eat.
Oh, goody. Are those
the exact noodles
I didn't finish
three months ago?
No, they are the noodles
somebody didn't finish
yesterday.
So, there!
Oh, yeah?
Well eat this!
Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
Hey, come on!
Come on!
Well, if you won't eat our food,
then choke on
your reviews, huh?!
Does this taste
like enchilad-ass?
ALL:
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Eat your words, all of 'em!
- All right!
- So, Moody, eat the foody.
Guys, stop!
Shove it in there,
you get it in!
Guys! This is crazy.
He's not worth it.
You're right,
no one will miss him.
No, Pepe!
That's not what I meant.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
What now?!
He tripped the silent alarm.
Delivery.
I need someone to sign.
Help!
He's seen too much!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
All right,
this redo is officially out
of control.
Just now? That's when it's out
of control?
Uh, breaking and entering,
kidnapping.
Oh, and now opening
other people's mail!
It's not what I envisioned.
What the hell is this?
You bought Tin Cup?
That's a terrible movie.
You mean "classic"?
I like Tin Cup.
But it's a bad movie, right?
You ever see it?
No, I didn't see it.
Then how do you know it's bad?
I don't know.
It's just bad, right?
People think it's bad.
I think I read a review of it
or something.
See? You didn't bother
to see the Tin Cups
because some critic
gave it a bad review!
Hypocrite!
Who knows? Maybe you
would have loved Tin Cups.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cups.
No, it's Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
Yes. Tin Cup.
Tin Cup.
This is killing me!
Good, 'cause it's all
your fault!
You're right. You know,
you may have taped down my arms,
but you have opened my eyes!
I'll never give
a bad review again!
Yay!
In fact, I'm gonna go back
and change
all my bad reviews
to glowing ones...
and add smiley faces.
I think he might be joking!
Reggie, he is.
Enough talk! Do what you're
gonna do to these guys!
Nobody's doing anything.
He did his job.
And you know what?
I'm gonna go do mine.
Come on.
Let's go back to our
restaurants and cook.
Those of you that still
have restaurants.
Oh, that's messed up.
He's talking about me!
(YELLS)
Bob's got a point.
What are we even doing here?
I should be back
at my restaurant
smell-checking the meats.
From now on, I will
only dump sack him
when I'm in the neighbourhood.
But you took the fun out of it.
Sorry you got mixed up in this.
So, uh, what's it gonna take
for you to forget about today?
(GASPS)
$350.
$350?!
Yeah.
Um, all right, fellas,
cough it up.
Ah!
I don't have a...
I forgot, um...
- Seriously?
- You're not talking about me.
I, uh, have, um...
$48 here.
Give me the DVD.
You want Tin Cup?
Does it have any
special features?
Yeah, It's got outtakes.
But they call them
"Mulligans."
Oh, come on!
Before we cut this guy loose,
I just want one slap, okay?
In the back of the head.
You should give him
a purple nurple.
No, wet willy!
What is a wet willy?
A Guillermo mojado.
Ah. You do it.
I have no spit.
Willy! Willy!
Willy! Willy!
Willy! Willy!
Willy!
Guillermo.
Guillermo.
Okay, one wet willy.
("STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
WITH YOU" BEGINS)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(CROW SQUAWKS)
KEVIN COSTNER (ON TV):
That's how you make a birdie!
RENE RUSSO:
You're in the rough, McAvoy.
That's okay. I like it rough.
Is she still talking about golf?
One of the top five Don
Johnson movies, Tin Cup.
Are you still doing the
half-off-your-meal...
meal-when-you-bring-in-
a-bad-review promotion?
Yes, the promotion brought
to you by PR giant, Cooper...
Great.
Nice to have business
back on track.
Yeah, but Bobby,
I'm still so nervous
the cops are gonna show up.
Yeah. I wonder if he
called the cops.
(DISTANT PHONE RINGING)
Hmm.
911. What's your emergency?
911. What's your emergency. Sir?
Hmm. Mmm.
Hello?
Mmm!
Sir?
Oh...!
Great. Another one
of these calls.
Get a girlfriend!
Well, if the cops come,
we need a plan.
We can put Dad in a dress
and tell them he's our aunt.
Yeah, we'll call him
"Aunty Man Hands."
She came into town
for Dad's funeral.
Oh, plot twist.
I'm not gonna wear a dress.
Pantsuit?
Okay, fine.
I'll go get some pantsuits!
Fashion show!