Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 12, Episode 13 - Frigate Me Knot - full transcript
Teddy is forced to face his past when Linda encourages him to attend a farewell ceremony for the ship on which he served in the Navy.
♪ ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
.
Everything okay, Teddy?
You keep looking at that letter
and making that noise.
Mm. It's an invitation
from the navy.
What, the navy
doesn't have Evite?
Are you shipping out, sailor?
Are we talking new navy
or old navy?
Uh, the frigate I served on
is getting decommissioned.
They're gonna scuttle
the old girl.
Buy her dinner first, right?
I think I understood
three of those words, Teddy.
Oh, sorry. A frigate's a ship,
and scuttling
is sinking it on purpose.
Wait, why are they
sinking it on purpose?
Is it because
if they can't have it,
- no one else can?
- Kind of.
It's getting decommissioned.
Once a navy ship
gets too old to be useful,
a lot of times,
they'll torpedo it.
And then it sinks
to the bottom of the ocean
and becomes an artificial reef
for fish and sea monsters,
- I assume.
- Frigate.
- Gene, don't say "frigate."
- It's not a bad word.
I want to hear more
about the torpedoing part.
Where are they doing it?
When are they doing it?
Can we buy tickets to watch?
And can I be the one
to push the button?
And if I'm the one
pushing the button,
do I really need to buy
a ticket?
Yeah, it's happening next week
out at sea.
No one's invited to that.
But, uh, those of us
who served on the maiden voyage
are invited
to a ceremony tomorrow.
It's in Bog Harbor
because they built
part of the ship there.
The toilets, I think.
That's fun. That's exciting.
So why are you being all mopey
about it?
Well, I'm probably not gonna go.
What? You have to go.
It's a ceremony.
Ah, I don't know.
I'm just not sure
I want to run into
any of my old shipmates.
Why not?
Don't you want to reminisce
about the good ol' days?
Put on your little sailor suits
and dance around the town?
- Aw.
- I mean,
I loved being in the navy,
but, uh, it wasn't all great.
There was this one incident.
Wha...? What happened?
Just a silly little mistake.
Did you launch the nukes
accidentally on purpose,
- wink-wink?
- No.
Did you fall in love
with a mermaid,
and then she became human
for you,
then she missed the ocean,
and she returned to the sea,
- and you never got over it?
- No, not that.
Teddy, just tell us the story!
- Sorry. Sorry.
- All right, fine.
We were in the middle
of a deployment
in the middle of the Pacific,
and it was the middle
of the night.
Lot of middles, Malcolm.
I was scrubbing the deck
when an officer came by.
You always have to salute
an officer, so I did.
- But he was a ghost.
- No, he was really there.
But what wasn't there
was a railing, so I kind of fell
into the ocean.
Which happens sometimes
but almost never.
They rang the bell and stopped
the ship and fished me out.
And everyone woke up and saw it.
It was not great.
So, hey,
you fell off your ship one time
and had to get rescued.
Big deal.
- Two times.
- Two times?
Yeah. I-I fell off a second
time, on the same night.
Yeah, I was showing some guys
how easy it is to fall in.
And then I fell in again.
Oh, Teddy.
I mean, that's not that bad.
It was bad. I got a nickname.
- Captain Drippy?
- Admiral Belly Flop?
- Double-Dip.
- Double-Dip? Oh, that's good.
- Sorry.
- For the rest of the deployment,
everyone called me Double-Dip.
Then that's all I was
to everybody.
So that's why I don't want to go
to the farewell ceremony
tomorrow.
No, you got to go.
Lin, it doesn't sound
like Teddy wants to go.
He needs to go.
- I do?
- Yes. Otherwise, they win.
- They do?
- Yeah.
But if you go, you win.
You'll show them you don't care
about some dumb nickname.
But I kind of do care about it.
It comes up quite a bit
in therapy.
That and my thing
about shopping carts.
Look,
something similar happened to me
when I was in high school.
You fell off
a high school frigate?
No. I was over
at Debbie Bernardini's house
for a sleepover
with a group of girls
who I thought were my friends.
We were watching a scary movie
that was very popular
at the time.
I forget what it was called.
There was a guy,
he was killing people.
- You know the one. Anyway,
-
so, someone got killed,
and we all screamed,
- and I farted.
But it turns out
it was more than just a fart.
A little bit of poop
came out, too.
It was pretty obvious
when the smell didn't go away.
And I also went
into the bathroom,
and I might have
kind of shouted,
"Oh, no,
a little bit of poop came out!
There's poop! There's poop!"
And they called me
Death by Chocolate.
And they laughed a lot.
And I didn't go
to another sleepover
for the rest of high school.
You are pretty vocal
in the bathroom
- about what's going on.
- Yeah, a lot of commentary.
She's like Ken Burns in there.
It helps to talk it through.
Anyway, I let them win.
Teddy, that's why you got to go
to your thing, so you win.
That's a touching story, Linda,
but I don't know
if I can face those guys.
- We'll come with you.
- Really?
No. No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
As emotional support.
And muscle if you need it.
But not going
is also a reasonable option.
I mean,
if you guys came with me,
I'd feel a lot better
about going.
And they're gonna have
a bunch of music and food.
It says
"Bring the whole family."
It doesn't say whose family.
- Please?
- Please, please, please?
I want to get a picture
- of me with a torpedo for my own
personal Christmas card.
- Yeah, Dad.
I hear you're supposed to do
fun activities with your kids.
- Come on, Bob.
O-Okay, fine.
- Frigate.
- Gene.
Do we look okay, Teddy?
- Are we under-tattooed?
- Should we go on shore leave
and cause a ruckus
with some locals?
- Come back with a shiner?
- And cans of spinach
that you somehow suck
through the can?
Oh, boy, here we go.
Sheesh, I can't believe
it's been 30 years.
You and the ship look amazing.
One of you has barnacles
on them,
but I'm not gonna say who
'cause I'm a gentleman sailor.
Come on, let's go touch stuff
we're not supposed to.
Uh, okay, but don't do that.
Uh, I'm so nervous.
My ears are sweating.
No, they're no...
Oh, my God, they are.
I thought it was an earring.
Remember, just by showing up
today, you win, and they lose.
Hey.
Check it out. It's Double-Dip.
Double-Dip is here. No way.
How'd you get here?
Did you swim over?
- Oh, boy.
- Okay, they win, I lose.
Let's go.
Come on, Teddy.
Just stay for a little bit.
An hour tops. Six drinks.
Just kidding. Sort of.
There's drinks, right?
- Yeah.
- Good. Hey, you can do this.
We'll be here for you.
Right next to you.
- Right, Bob?
- Uh, sure.
Or-or behind you.
It just kind of depends
on how everyone's standing.
Okay, fine. An hour.
And maybe you guys hold my hands
the whole time?
- No? Probably not?
Get over here.
- And try not to fall in.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
- I don't like it.
- It's gonna be great.
- Come on, let's do this ship.
Hey, Tony, Raul, Billy.
Good to see you all.
Double-Dip, you came. Wow.
Of course he came.
He's a navy man
showing off his old ship
to his not-navy friends.
We're his biggest fans.
We're like his groupies.
- Right, Bob?
Mm.
It's great to see you, DD.
That's short for Double-D,
which is short for Double-Dip.
'Cause he fell
in the ocean twice.
Yeah, I forgot
all about that Double-Dip stuff.
So glad you brought it up.
I got to go over there now
and see what that stuff is
over on that thing. The table?
What is it, food?
- Okay, see you later.
- Okay.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Has it been an hour yet?
I think it's been,
like, ten minutes?
If we round up from one minute.
Come on, you're doing great.
You're sticking it
to those navy ninnies.
Do you know how much I wish
I could go to a boat party
with the Debbie Bernardini crew
right now and say,
"Look at me.
No chocolate on this dress"?
God, I'd kill for that.
Oh, actually, that is chocolate.
Where'd you get chocolate?
- I don't know.
Well,
terrible news.
Turns out all the weapons
were taken off this ship
weeks ago.
Apparently, it's "not safe"
to scuttle a ship
with missiles on board.
This is why I don't pay taxes.
We did see a knot-tying workshop
for the sailors' kids. Eh?
I mean, why "knot"?
I could finally learn
how to tie these bad boys.
Mom tied them a year ago,
and now I just try not to have
to take them off.
Pass. I know
all the knots I need to know
from Tina's
Thundergirl handbook.
Oh, yeah.
I was supposed to learn those,
but I did "knot."
Seriously, though,
I didn't get my knot-tying badge
because I made
too many knot jokes.
- I'm funny at Thundergirls.
I-I would do knots.
I-I've always wanted
to be a knots guy.
I mean, it's for kids,
but I'm sure it isn't weird
if a grown man is also learning.
You can pretend to be our dad.
All right,
everyone got their rope?
If that's what this is.
Schmitty, is that you?
Oh. No, I'm-I'm not, uh,
Schmitty.
- I-I'm-I'm Bob.
- Wow.
You are the spitting image.
Raul, look at this guy
over here.
Doesn't he look like Schmitty?
Huh. Now that you mention it,
yeah, he's the spitting image.
Huh, he does look
like Schmitty.
- Wait, who's Schmitty?
- I mean, I knew
he wasn't coming today.
He's in Florida doing
that deep-sea salvage stuff.
Sunken treasure.
That's the life, huh? Schmitty.
- "Sunken treasure"
is what I call Dad's butt.
- Gene.
All right, we're gonna start off
with a simple
but important knot:
the bowline.
Make a loop.
Tag end goes through.
Under and over. Back through.
Bowline.
Let's see how you all did.
Good. Nice. Eh,
boy, you really aren't Schmitty.
Sorry, can-can you show me
one more time?
- You-you went really fast.
- "Knot" too fast for me.
Actually, it was a little fast.
Okay. Make a loop,
pass it through,
under and over
and back through and...
- Still too fast?
- Still too fast.
- I'm good.
Okay. Here's how we teach
the little kids.
The rabbit comes up
from his hole,
runs around the tree
and then goes back
into his hole.
Your rabbit didn't make it back
into its hole.
- Wait, where is your rabbit?
- Uh, uh...
Dad, what did you do
to your rabbit?!
Okay, enough food, Teddy.
Let's hit the bar,
get some alcohol inside of you.
Eh, but Tony and the guys
are at the bar.
Teddy, it's a free country.
And free drinks. Come on.
Have you considered
challenging them to a navy duel,
which I assume
involves water guns?
Let's hope
it doesn't come to that.
Teddy, you're so witty,
and you know so much
about ships and life,
and you just don't care
what people think about you.
Oh, you guys again. Hi.
Hey, I just came back
from the supply room
and picked up my memento.
- What'd you get?
- I got a pad eye.
Me, too. Picked it up
- when I first got here.
- What's a pad eye?
- It's like a cleat.
- What's a cleat?
It's a thing
you secure a rope to.
Rope! I know rope.
So, wait, we can just take stuff
from the ship?
- Dibs on that huge cannon.
No, Louise.
Only sailors
from the maiden voyage
can take something off the ship
before they sink it.
- What are you getting, Teddy?
- Oh, nothing.
What? Why nothing?
'Cause I didn't put in a request
for anything.
They should give a life vest
to Double-Dip.
Ha! Good one, Billy.
That was a good one.
- Right. Double-D?
- Yeah. I'm not upset.
- Hello, ma'am.
Beers for my friends
and, uh, have you ever heard
of a Twisted Monkey?
- I have not.
- It's a ginger ale and ice,
twisted.
And then you make a noise like
a monkey when you give it to me.
I don't know
if I want to do that.
Okay, I'll make the noise
like a monkey.
Wait, Teddy, I don't get it.
Why didn't you ask
for part of the ship?
I didn't think I was gonna come.
Plus, what was I gonna write
on the letter?
"Hi, I'm the guy
who fell off the ship twice.
Can I please have something"?
They probably
would've stamped it
with "Request denied, idiot."
Thank you.
Not so hard, is it?
Well, is there a part
of the ship that you would want?
I mean,
I wouldn't say no to a pad eye.
Who would? It's a pad eye.
It's like a cleat.
Well, then,
let's get you a pad eye.
We can't. The request
had to be in months ago.
- There's got to be a way.
- Nah, forget it.
I don't even deserve
part of the ship.
Teddy, uh, Louise and I
are gonna... go pee!
She shouted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll be right back.
Listen,
it's not right that Teddy
doesn't get anything
from this ship while Tony
gets to take a pad eye with him
even though he was
a total poop deck to Teddy
- the whole time.
- They never said
the sea was fair.
I say we find a way
to get Teddy something.
Something better than a pad eye.
That's how he'll win.
Yeah, that kind of makes sense
in a dumb, beautiful way.
So, are you in for operation
"Go Get a Part of the Ship
from That Supply Room Place
for Teddy"?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
- Okay.
Thought there was gonna be
a little more energy there,
- but great.
- And after that,
- we find the frickin' torpedoes.
- There's the energy.
But probably not
with the torpedo thing.
So, what's the plan?
We're just gonna ask
for a piece of the ship
for Teddy?
We'll ask nicely.
And we'll say, "Please make it
slightly better than a pad eye."
Nope. Can't do that.
- Pretty please?
- Uh, no.
- Aw, frigate.
- Okay, good start. Good start.
And that is how you tie
the sheet bend knot.
Can't wait till someone asks me
how to do a sheet bend.
Still working on the bowline?
Almost got it.
There! I did it! Damn it.
I bet Schmitty
can tie a bowline.
Schmitty can tie any knot.
He even invented his own knot:
the Schmitty Liddy.
Best knot in the world
for securing lids.
- So cool.
Mm-hmm.
Why, oh, why would God bless you
with Schmitty's face
- but curse you with those hands?
- I don't know.
Okay, everybody done
with the sheet bend?
Hold them up.
Looking good. I'll...
check in with your bowline
in a bit.
Maybe a little time apart
will do us both some good.
I'm gonna get it.
You, uh, you kids
want to learn hitch knots?
Hitch, please.
There's got to be
a piece of this ship
you can give our friend
that no one's claimed.
He's really nice.
A little sad but nice.
He's not too sad.
Look, next time
your friend wants a souvenir
from an $80 million piece
of U.S. military property
that requires prior approval,
he might want to plan ahead.
It just seems like
there are so many parts
still on the ship, and it's
getting sunk next week, and...
Scuttled.
Sorry about my mom.
It's okay. I have one, too.
Listen, we come from land,
and we can get you
any land thing you want.
I could be back here
in 20 minutes with magazines,
potato chips, houseplants,
water that's not salty.
Please don't try and bribe me
with potato chips
and houseplants.
It's very insulting.
I've been off a ship once.
I know about that stuff.
But...
- I'm gonna start
ignoring you two.
Please go
somewhere not here now.
I think we're getting close.
Ugh! Stupid rope.
It's not the rope's fault.
Have you ever been checked
for whatever it is
you seem to have?
Rope dyslexia?
I guess maybe
I just don't get knots.
But you're good
at lots of other stuff, Dad.
Like making burgers. Uh...
- Gene, you want to jump in here?
- Folding towels.
Folding towels.
I was just about to say that.
Actually, I'm not that good
at folding towels.
He's not.
- Well, that was a bust.
- Poor Teddy.
He deserves something
from this ship.
Hey, if you want to do
another look-see down below
for a torpedo
they might've forgotten about,
- I'm with you.
- Ugh, I hate when bullies win.
These guys
and the Debbie Bernardinis
and the Biffs and whoever
the bad guy in Superman was.
- I hate it!
Huh.
- What are you doing?
- Who, me?
I'm just noticing
how this bell...
...seems to want
to be off this ship.
And if it just falls off,
then it's not
like we took it at all.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's like a loose tooth.
It wants to come out.
Whoopsie!
- Mama, you make me so proud.
Hi, sailors. How you doing?
Oceans, huh? So much water.
All right, come on, come on.
Let's give this to Teddy
and get out of here.
Where have you been?
I stress-ate all the crab cakes,
and now I'm starting in
on the cocktail weenies,
and everyone keeps giving me
the evil eye.
Can we go now, please?
Yes, we can leave now,
but you're gonna leave a winner.
Eh?
- Why do you have that?
- We got it for you.
A little souvenir.
Better than a pad eye.
I mean, it's bigger. Jingly-er.
He's speechless.
A simple "thank you" is fine.
Why would you think
I'd want this bell?
This is the deck bell.
It's the bell they rang
when I fell overboard.
I hear this bell
in my nightmares.
Well, now you can hear it
when you're awake. Right?
Also, you can't steal something
off a navy ship.
You can get in big trouble.
We got to put it back
before anyone notices.
Or we just toss it overboard?
A little mini scuttle?
No. We got to put it back
on the wall.
They're gonna ring it
at the end of the ceremony.
It says it in the program.
Okay, okay.
We'll do it. Calm down.
We'll put it back real quick
and pretend this never happened,
and we get out of here
before they, uh,
dust it for fingerprints. Right?
You didn't wipe yours off?
It was the first thing I did.
Ladies, gentlemen, sailors,
the ceremony's
about to start shortly,
so please begin
to take your seats.
If you have to hit the head,
now's the time.
"The head" is what the navy
calls the bathroom.
Isn't that fun?
Well, now everyone's
going to the bathroom
right next
to where the bell was.
- Yeah, that's not helpful.
- Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
We got to do something.
Teddy, it's gonna be okay.
Uh, time for operation
"Put the Bell We Got for Teddy
- Back on the Wall."
- Damn it, I hate this situation,
- but I love that name.
- It's fine.
All right, Mom. How are we
gonna unring this bell?
We're just gonna, uh, wait here
till that bathroom line
goes down,
- then we'll put it back.
Will the sailors
from the maiden voyage
and their guests
please fill in the front row.
- Oh, boy.
- Uh-oh.
Double-Dip, come on!
Uh, I'll be right there!
Eh, we got to go sit down.
Okay, okay.
Uh, we'll go sit down.
And then we'll sneak away
in a minute. Act natural.
- Oh, boy.
Maybe walk less clang-y?
Uh, oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God.
And maybe don't shout "Oh, God"
quite so loud?
- Oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh God.
- Better.
Uh, I'm gonna need
that rope back.
I really want to get
to the ceremony.
Can I borrow it
for a little longer?
You really want to tie
that bowline, huh?
Yes, I really do.
I like that dedication, sailor.
You can use the rope
a little longer.
- Thanks.
- Don't worry, Dad,
you'll get it.
I'm starting to get
really worried about Dad.
Yeah,
is something wrong with him?
Um, I can hear you guys.
I-I'm fine. I-I think.
- Mm-hmm. Totally.
- Uh, yeah,
of course you're fine.
- He's not fine.
- Mm-mm.
A little announcement
before we begin.
I've been told that more
crab cakes are being microwaved,
so those of you
who haven't got any yet,
- just hang tight.
- I'm sorry. No one said anything
- about a limit.
Today,
we give the USS Gertrude Stein
the send-off she deserves.
The chaplain
will read a few words,
and then the deck bell will ring
one final time.
But first,
we're gonna kick things off
with everyone's favorite
navy rock and roll trumpet band.
Take it away, Brass Kissers!
Okay,
it looks like the bathroom line
has thinned out.
I think now's our chance.
We fly in fast and low.
Stay under their radar.
Get in, get out.
I don't know
how I'm gonna reattach
the bell without any tools.
You're overthinking it.
You're overthinking it.
Hey,
what are you guys talking about?
- Nothing. Enjoy the music.
- I'm trying to,
but there's a lot of whispering.
Shush, shush, shush.
Play with your rope.
Teddy, Louise and I
all have to go to the bathroom
- at the same time. Come on.
- I want to go to the bathroom.
- No. You stay.
- Okay.
I didn't actually have to go.
It just sounds fun.
I kind of have to go.
- Hold it.
- Okay.
Hey. You went to the bathroom.
That's cool.
- Nice.
- Teddy, you get the bell back
on the wall,
and Louise and I will make sure
nobody comes this way.
Hi.
Oh, it's you guys.
Um, excuse me? I need to get by.
- What's the rush?
Enjoy the view.
- Right.
Okay, I need to hit the head,
so move?
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
but, like, you could hold it
if you wanted to, right?
I assume
the military trained you
to hold it
during a combat mission.
Actually, we're trained
to just let 'er rip.
Clean things up later.
- Now, please, move it.
- Oh, no.
Hey.
- Eh, you're not done yet.
Am, too.
- All right,
what the heck's going on?
- And what the heck is he doing?
You're stealing the deck bell?!
- Oh, God.
- Okay,
maybe I wasn't done, done,
but still, not cool.
I swear
I wasn't stealing the bell.
- He was. I caught him.
- Embarrassing.
Will someone please explain
to me what's going on here?
I need to know if I'm filling
out a report or not.
Teddy didn't take the bell.
I did.
- Linda?
- Mother.
Oh, that's why I wasn't part
of the pee-pee club.
I dodged a bullet.
But I still have to go.
- Teddy was just putting it back.
- I had nothing to do with this.
I'm just a little girl.
I knew
I shouldn't have come today.
But it was all, if I don't go,
Tony and those jerks win.
- Wait,
what do you mean, "jerks"?
- Yeah, ouch.
You guys
never stopped teasing me
after I fell off the ship.
Then you came up
with Double-Dip.
Double-Dip? What?
I mean,
because you fell off. Twice.
Oh, then that is
a solid nickname.
What,
we're not supposed to tease you?
It's what sailors do.
It's what friends do.
You think we're friends?
Sure, we are.
But, Teddy, you stand here,
and you tell us
how you fell off the ship,
and then you fall off the ship.
I mean, how does that
even happ...
- Oh, my God! Should you jingle
the clingy clangy?
The-the jingle bellies?
Jingle the thingy.
- Oh, right.
- Little more slack over here,
Billy! Let it out!
- Copy that!
Tony, keep that strap
above your chest!
Otherwise, your nipples
are liable to chafe!
Trust me on that one!
Raul, how're we doing
with your line?
My hands are greasy
from the hors d'oeuvres.
I can't get a grip.
Schmitty lookalike,
- tie this off for me, will you?
- Oh, um, I-I-I don't...
- I don't know...
- Come on, Dad. You can do it.
- Maybe.
- We believe in you.
- Stick the knots landing.
It's okay, Bob.
I'll come over.
No, I can... I can do this.
The rabbit comes up
from his hole,
runs around the tree,
then goes back into his hole
and...
I did it!
I did it! Knot teacher guy,
look! I did it!
- Well, I'll be.
- I totally get
the tree part now.
- He can do the easiest knot.
- And the rabbit.
Take that, Schmitty.
Geez, I guess I was wrong.
It is, uh, kind of easy
to fall off this ship.
So, you guys teased me
because we were friends?
What? Of course.
We served together.
We're bonded for life.
I mean,
we were all kids then, Teddy.
And you were a little older.
We-we looked up to you.
And I was scared out of my mind
about serving,
but then you showed me
you could make a mistake
and still be a great sailor.
Gave me a lot of confidence.
- Wow. I had no idea.
Hey, Double-Dip.
I got something for you.
- The bell? Really?
Yeah.
It'll remind you
of the good old days
and also today
when you fished out
Mr. Slips Ahoy.
- Mr. Slips Ahoy over here.
- That's pretty good.
Let's just pretend
you sent a request letter
and it has all
the right signatures on it.
But maybe put it down your pants
till you get off the ship,
please.
- Can I hide it in my jacket?
- No. Pants.
Yeah, pants is better.
Put it in your pants.
- Come on.
- Okay, I'll try. Thank you.
Aw, Teddy got the bell.
- All because of me.
- I mean...
Thank you
for your service, Mom.
If I fall off the ship,
do you think that lady
will give me a torpedo?
Hey, maybe you should reach out
to your old friends, too, Mom.
And then you can make up
and wear matching jackets.
I would, sweetie, but I TP'd
Debbie Bernardini's house
after they started calling me
Death by Chocolate.
And I peed on her bike.
But I shouldn't have.
Kids, do the Teddy thing,
not the Mama thing.
Oh, and I called them
at 2:00 in the morning
every night for a year
and pretended I was a killer.
Geez, Linda.
That's what friends do?
- ♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
- ♪ ♪
♪ One false step,
and I fell right off the ship ♪
♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
♪ Turns out it's pretty easy
to make a second trip ♪
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Look who went
and soaked their drawers ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Got rescued,
but my nipples chafed ♪
♪ Double-Dip, that's right,
Double-Dip ♪
- ♪ No one else to blame ♪
- ♪ Double, Double-Dip ♪
♪ Took me two falls in
to get that name ♪
♪ Double-Dip, that's me,
Double-Dip ♪
♪ When you're in trouble,
on the double ♪
♪ Call the Double-Dip. ♪
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
and TOYOTA.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
.
Everything okay, Teddy?
You keep looking at that letter
and making that noise.
Mm. It's an invitation
from the navy.
What, the navy
doesn't have Evite?
Are you shipping out, sailor?
Are we talking new navy
or old navy?
Uh, the frigate I served on
is getting decommissioned.
They're gonna scuttle
the old girl.
Buy her dinner first, right?
I think I understood
three of those words, Teddy.
Oh, sorry. A frigate's a ship,
and scuttling
is sinking it on purpose.
Wait, why are they
sinking it on purpose?
Is it because
if they can't have it,
- no one else can?
- Kind of.
It's getting decommissioned.
Once a navy ship
gets too old to be useful,
a lot of times,
they'll torpedo it.
And then it sinks
to the bottom of the ocean
and becomes an artificial reef
for fish and sea monsters,
- I assume.
- Frigate.
- Gene, don't say "frigate."
- It's not a bad word.
I want to hear more
about the torpedoing part.
Where are they doing it?
When are they doing it?
Can we buy tickets to watch?
And can I be the one
to push the button?
And if I'm the one
pushing the button,
do I really need to buy
a ticket?
Yeah, it's happening next week
out at sea.
No one's invited to that.
But, uh, those of us
who served on the maiden voyage
are invited
to a ceremony tomorrow.
It's in Bog Harbor
because they built
part of the ship there.
The toilets, I think.
That's fun. That's exciting.
So why are you being all mopey
about it?
Well, I'm probably not gonna go.
What? You have to go.
It's a ceremony.
Ah, I don't know.
I'm just not sure
I want to run into
any of my old shipmates.
Why not?
Don't you want to reminisce
about the good ol' days?
Put on your little sailor suits
and dance around the town?
- Aw.
- I mean,
I loved being in the navy,
but, uh, it wasn't all great.
There was this one incident.
Wha...? What happened?
Just a silly little mistake.
Did you launch the nukes
accidentally on purpose,
- wink-wink?
- No.
Did you fall in love
with a mermaid,
and then she became human
for you,
then she missed the ocean,
and she returned to the sea,
- and you never got over it?
- No, not that.
Teddy, just tell us the story!
- Sorry. Sorry.
- All right, fine.
We were in the middle
of a deployment
in the middle of the Pacific,
and it was the middle
of the night.
Lot of middles, Malcolm.
I was scrubbing the deck
when an officer came by.
You always have to salute
an officer, so I did.
- But he was a ghost.
- No, he was really there.
But what wasn't there
was a railing, so I kind of fell
into the ocean.
Which happens sometimes
but almost never.
They rang the bell and stopped
the ship and fished me out.
And everyone woke up and saw it.
It was not great.
So, hey,
you fell off your ship one time
and had to get rescued.
Big deal.
- Two times.
- Two times?
Yeah. I-I fell off a second
time, on the same night.
Yeah, I was showing some guys
how easy it is to fall in.
And then I fell in again.
Oh, Teddy.
I mean, that's not that bad.
It was bad. I got a nickname.
- Captain Drippy?
- Admiral Belly Flop?
- Double-Dip.
- Double-Dip? Oh, that's good.
- Sorry.
- For the rest of the deployment,
everyone called me Double-Dip.
Then that's all I was
to everybody.
So that's why I don't want to go
to the farewell ceremony
tomorrow.
No, you got to go.
Lin, it doesn't sound
like Teddy wants to go.
He needs to go.
- I do?
- Yes. Otherwise, they win.
- They do?
- Yeah.
But if you go, you win.
You'll show them you don't care
about some dumb nickname.
But I kind of do care about it.
It comes up quite a bit
in therapy.
That and my thing
about shopping carts.
Look,
something similar happened to me
when I was in high school.
You fell off
a high school frigate?
No. I was over
at Debbie Bernardini's house
for a sleepover
with a group of girls
who I thought were my friends.
We were watching a scary movie
that was very popular
at the time.
I forget what it was called.
There was a guy,
he was killing people.
- You know the one. Anyway,
-
so, someone got killed,
and we all screamed,
- and I farted.
But it turns out
it was more than just a fart.
A little bit of poop
came out, too.
It was pretty obvious
when the smell didn't go away.
And I also went
into the bathroom,
and I might have
kind of shouted,
"Oh, no,
a little bit of poop came out!
There's poop! There's poop!"
And they called me
Death by Chocolate.
And they laughed a lot.
And I didn't go
to another sleepover
for the rest of high school.
You are pretty vocal
in the bathroom
- about what's going on.
- Yeah, a lot of commentary.
She's like Ken Burns in there.
It helps to talk it through.
Anyway, I let them win.
Teddy, that's why you got to go
to your thing, so you win.
That's a touching story, Linda,
but I don't know
if I can face those guys.
- We'll come with you.
- Really?
No. No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
As emotional support.
And muscle if you need it.
But not going
is also a reasonable option.
I mean,
if you guys came with me,
I'd feel a lot better
about going.
And they're gonna have
a bunch of music and food.
It says
"Bring the whole family."
It doesn't say whose family.
- Please?
- Please, please, please?
I want to get a picture
- of me with a torpedo for my own
personal Christmas card.
- Yeah, Dad.
I hear you're supposed to do
fun activities with your kids.
- Come on, Bob.
O-Okay, fine.
- Frigate.
- Gene.
Do we look okay, Teddy?
- Are we under-tattooed?
- Should we go on shore leave
and cause a ruckus
with some locals?
- Come back with a shiner?
- And cans of spinach
that you somehow suck
through the can?
Oh, boy, here we go.
Sheesh, I can't believe
it's been 30 years.
You and the ship look amazing.
One of you has barnacles
on them,
but I'm not gonna say who
'cause I'm a gentleman sailor.
Come on, let's go touch stuff
we're not supposed to.
Uh, okay, but don't do that.
Uh, I'm so nervous.
My ears are sweating.
No, they're no...
Oh, my God, they are.
I thought it was an earring.
Remember, just by showing up
today, you win, and they lose.
Hey.
Check it out. It's Double-Dip.
Double-Dip is here. No way.
How'd you get here?
Did you swim over?
- Oh, boy.
- Okay, they win, I lose.
Let's go.
Come on, Teddy.
Just stay for a little bit.
An hour tops. Six drinks.
Just kidding. Sort of.
There's drinks, right?
- Yeah.
- Good. Hey, you can do this.
We'll be here for you.
Right next to you.
- Right, Bob?
- Uh, sure.
Or-or behind you.
It just kind of depends
on how everyone's standing.
Okay, fine. An hour.
And maybe you guys hold my hands
the whole time?
- No? Probably not?
Get over here.
- And try not to fall in.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
- I don't like it.
- It's gonna be great.
- Come on, let's do this ship.
Hey, Tony, Raul, Billy.
Good to see you all.
Double-Dip, you came. Wow.
Of course he came.
He's a navy man
showing off his old ship
to his not-navy friends.
We're his biggest fans.
We're like his groupies.
- Right, Bob?
Mm.
It's great to see you, DD.
That's short for Double-D,
which is short for Double-Dip.
'Cause he fell
in the ocean twice.
Yeah, I forgot
all about that Double-Dip stuff.
So glad you brought it up.
I got to go over there now
and see what that stuff is
over on that thing. The table?
What is it, food?
- Okay, see you later.
- Okay.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Has it been an hour yet?
I think it's been,
like, ten minutes?
If we round up from one minute.
Come on, you're doing great.
You're sticking it
to those navy ninnies.
Do you know how much I wish
I could go to a boat party
with the Debbie Bernardini crew
right now and say,
"Look at me.
No chocolate on this dress"?
God, I'd kill for that.
Oh, actually, that is chocolate.
Where'd you get chocolate?
- I don't know.
Well,
terrible news.
Turns out all the weapons
were taken off this ship
weeks ago.
Apparently, it's "not safe"
to scuttle a ship
with missiles on board.
This is why I don't pay taxes.
We did see a knot-tying workshop
for the sailors' kids. Eh?
I mean, why "knot"?
I could finally learn
how to tie these bad boys.
Mom tied them a year ago,
and now I just try not to have
to take them off.
Pass. I know
all the knots I need to know
from Tina's
Thundergirl handbook.
Oh, yeah.
I was supposed to learn those,
but I did "knot."
Seriously, though,
I didn't get my knot-tying badge
because I made
too many knot jokes.
- I'm funny at Thundergirls.
I-I would do knots.
I-I've always wanted
to be a knots guy.
I mean, it's for kids,
but I'm sure it isn't weird
if a grown man is also learning.
You can pretend to be our dad.
All right,
everyone got their rope?
If that's what this is.
Schmitty, is that you?
Oh. No, I'm-I'm not, uh,
Schmitty.
- I-I'm-I'm Bob.
- Wow.
You are the spitting image.
Raul, look at this guy
over here.
Doesn't he look like Schmitty?
Huh. Now that you mention it,
yeah, he's the spitting image.
Huh, he does look
like Schmitty.
- Wait, who's Schmitty?
- I mean, I knew
he wasn't coming today.
He's in Florida doing
that deep-sea salvage stuff.
Sunken treasure.
That's the life, huh? Schmitty.
- "Sunken treasure"
is what I call Dad's butt.
- Gene.
All right, we're gonna start off
with a simple
but important knot:
the bowline.
Make a loop.
Tag end goes through.
Under and over. Back through.
Bowline.
Let's see how you all did.
Good. Nice. Eh,
boy, you really aren't Schmitty.
Sorry, can-can you show me
one more time?
- You-you went really fast.
- "Knot" too fast for me.
Actually, it was a little fast.
Okay. Make a loop,
pass it through,
under and over
and back through and...
- Still too fast?
- Still too fast.
- I'm good.
Okay. Here's how we teach
the little kids.
The rabbit comes up
from his hole,
runs around the tree
and then goes back
into his hole.
Your rabbit didn't make it back
into its hole.
- Wait, where is your rabbit?
- Uh, uh...
Dad, what did you do
to your rabbit?!
Okay, enough food, Teddy.
Let's hit the bar,
get some alcohol inside of you.
Eh, but Tony and the guys
are at the bar.
Teddy, it's a free country.
And free drinks. Come on.
Have you considered
challenging them to a navy duel,
which I assume
involves water guns?
Let's hope
it doesn't come to that.
Teddy, you're so witty,
and you know so much
about ships and life,
and you just don't care
what people think about you.
Oh, you guys again. Hi.
Hey, I just came back
from the supply room
and picked up my memento.
- What'd you get?
- I got a pad eye.
Me, too. Picked it up
- when I first got here.
- What's a pad eye?
- It's like a cleat.
- What's a cleat?
It's a thing
you secure a rope to.
Rope! I know rope.
So, wait, we can just take stuff
from the ship?
- Dibs on that huge cannon.
No, Louise.
Only sailors
from the maiden voyage
can take something off the ship
before they sink it.
- What are you getting, Teddy?
- Oh, nothing.
What? Why nothing?
'Cause I didn't put in a request
for anything.
They should give a life vest
to Double-Dip.
Ha! Good one, Billy.
That was a good one.
- Right. Double-D?
- Yeah. I'm not upset.
- Hello, ma'am.
Beers for my friends
and, uh, have you ever heard
of a Twisted Monkey?
- I have not.
- It's a ginger ale and ice,
twisted.
And then you make a noise like
a monkey when you give it to me.
I don't know
if I want to do that.
Okay, I'll make the noise
like a monkey.
Wait, Teddy, I don't get it.
Why didn't you ask
for part of the ship?
I didn't think I was gonna come.
Plus, what was I gonna write
on the letter?
"Hi, I'm the guy
who fell off the ship twice.
Can I please have something"?
They probably
would've stamped it
with "Request denied, idiot."
Thank you.
Not so hard, is it?
Well, is there a part
of the ship that you would want?
I mean,
I wouldn't say no to a pad eye.
Who would? It's a pad eye.
It's like a cleat.
Well, then,
let's get you a pad eye.
We can't. The request
had to be in months ago.
- There's got to be a way.
- Nah, forget it.
I don't even deserve
part of the ship.
Teddy, uh, Louise and I
are gonna... go pee!
She shouted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll be right back.
Listen,
it's not right that Teddy
doesn't get anything
from this ship while Tony
gets to take a pad eye with him
even though he was
a total poop deck to Teddy
- the whole time.
- They never said
the sea was fair.
I say we find a way
to get Teddy something.
Something better than a pad eye.
That's how he'll win.
Yeah, that kind of makes sense
in a dumb, beautiful way.
So, are you in for operation
"Go Get a Part of the Ship
from That Supply Room Place
for Teddy"?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
- Okay.
Thought there was gonna be
a little more energy there,
- but great.
- And after that,
- we find the frickin' torpedoes.
- There's the energy.
But probably not
with the torpedo thing.
So, what's the plan?
We're just gonna ask
for a piece of the ship
for Teddy?
We'll ask nicely.
And we'll say, "Please make it
slightly better than a pad eye."
Nope. Can't do that.
- Pretty please?
- Uh, no.
- Aw, frigate.
- Okay, good start. Good start.
And that is how you tie
the sheet bend knot.
Can't wait till someone asks me
how to do a sheet bend.
Still working on the bowline?
Almost got it.
There! I did it! Damn it.
I bet Schmitty
can tie a bowline.
Schmitty can tie any knot.
He even invented his own knot:
the Schmitty Liddy.
Best knot in the world
for securing lids.
- So cool.
Mm-hmm.
Why, oh, why would God bless you
with Schmitty's face
- but curse you with those hands?
- I don't know.
Okay, everybody done
with the sheet bend?
Hold them up.
Looking good. I'll...
check in with your bowline
in a bit.
Maybe a little time apart
will do us both some good.
I'm gonna get it.
You, uh, you kids
want to learn hitch knots?
Hitch, please.
There's got to be
a piece of this ship
you can give our friend
that no one's claimed.
He's really nice.
A little sad but nice.
He's not too sad.
Look, next time
your friend wants a souvenir
from an $80 million piece
of U.S. military property
that requires prior approval,
he might want to plan ahead.
It just seems like
there are so many parts
still on the ship, and it's
getting sunk next week, and...
Scuttled.
Sorry about my mom.
It's okay. I have one, too.
Listen, we come from land,
and we can get you
any land thing you want.
I could be back here
in 20 minutes with magazines,
potato chips, houseplants,
water that's not salty.
Please don't try and bribe me
with potato chips
and houseplants.
It's very insulting.
I've been off a ship once.
I know about that stuff.
But...
- I'm gonna start
ignoring you two.
Please go
somewhere not here now.
I think we're getting close.
Ugh! Stupid rope.
It's not the rope's fault.
Have you ever been checked
for whatever it is
you seem to have?
Rope dyslexia?
I guess maybe
I just don't get knots.
But you're good
at lots of other stuff, Dad.
Like making burgers. Uh...
- Gene, you want to jump in here?
- Folding towels.
Folding towels.
I was just about to say that.
Actually, I'm not that good
at folding towels.
He's not.
- Well, that was a bust.
- Poor Teddy.
He deserves something
from this ship.
Hey, if you want to do
another look-see down below
for a torpedo
they might've forgotten about,
- I'm with you.
- Ugh, I hate when bullies win.
These guys
and the Debbie Bernardinis
and the Biffs and whoever
the bad guy in Superman was.
- I hate it!
Huh.
- What are you doing?
- Who, me?
I'm just noticing
how this bell...
...seems to want
to be off this ship.
And if it just falls off,
then it's not
like we took it at all.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's like a loose tooth.
It wants to come out.
Whoopsie!
- Mama, you make me so proud.
Hi, sailors. How you doing?
Oceans, huh? So much water.
All right, come on, come on.
Let's give this to Teddy
and get out of here.
Where have you been?
I stress-ate all the crab cakes,
and now I'm starting in
on the cocktail weenies,
and everyone keeps giving me
the evil eye.
Can we go now, please?
Yes, we can leave now,
but you're gonna leave a winner.
Eh?
- Why do you have that?
- We got it for you.
A little souvenir.
Better than a pad eye.
I mean, it's bigger. Jingly-er.
He's speechless.
A simple "thank you" is fine.
Why would you think
I'd want this bell?
This is the deck bell.
It's the bell they rang
when I fell overboard.
I hear this bell
in my nightmares.
Well, now you can hear it
when you're awake. Right?
Also, you can't steal something
off a navy ship.
You can get in big trouble.
We got to put it back
before anyone notices.
Or we just toss it overboard?
A little mini scuttle?
No. We got to put it back
on the wall.
They're gonna ring it
at the end of the ceremony.
It says it in the program.
Okay, okay.
We'll do it. Calm down.
We'll put it back real quick
and pretend this never happened,
and we get out of here
before they, uh,
dust it for fingerprints. Right?
You didn't wipe yours off?
It was the first thing I did.
Ladies, gentlemen, sailors,
the ceremony's
about to start shortly,
so please begin
to take your seats.
If you have to hit the head,
now's the time.
"The head" is what the navy
calls the bathroom.
Isn't that fun?
Well, now everyone's
going to the bathroom
right next
to where the bell was.
- Yeah, that's not helpful.
- Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
We got to do something.
Teddy, it's gonna be okay.
Uh, time for operation
"Put the Bell We Got for Teddy
- Back on the Wall."
- Damn it, I hate this situation,
- but I love that name.
- It's fine.
All right, Mom. How are we
gonna unring this bell?
We're just gonna, uh, wait here
till that bathroom line
goes down,
- then we'll put it back.
Will the sailors
from the maiden voyage
and their guests
please fill in the front row.
- Oh, boy.
- Uh-oh.
Double-Dip, come on!
Uh, I'll be right there!
Eh, we got to go sit down.
Okay, okay.
Uh, we'll go sit down.
And then we'll sneak away
in a minute. Act natural.
- Oh, boy.
Maybe walk less clang-y?
Uh, oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God.
And maybe don't shout "Oh, God"
quite so loud?
- Oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God, oh God.
- Better.
Uh, I'm gonna need
that rope back.
I really want to get
to the ceremony.
Can I borrow it
for a little longer?
You really want to tie
that bowline, huh?
Yes, I really do.
I like that dedication, sailor.
You can use the rope
a little longer.
- Thanks.
- Don't worry, Dad,
you'll get it.
I'm starting to get
really worried about Dad.
Yeah,
is something wrong with him?
Um, I can hear you guys.
I-I'm fine. I-I think.
- Mm-hmm. Totally.
- Uh, yeah,
of course you're fine.
- He's not fine.
- Mm-mm.
A little announcement
before we begin.
I've been told that more
crab cakes are being microwaved,
so those of you
who haven't got any yet,
- just hang tight.
- I'm sorry. No one said anything
- about a limit.
Today,
we give the USS Gertrude Stein
the send-off she deserves.
The chaplain
will read a few words,
and then the deck bell will ring
one final time.
But first,
we're gonna kick things off
with everyone's favorite
navy rock and roll trumpet band.
Take it away, Brass Kissers!
Okay,
it looks like the bathroom line
has thinned out.
I think now's our chance.
We fly in fast and low.
Stay under their radar.
Get in, get out.
I don't know
how I'm gonna reattach
the bell without any tools.
You're overthinking it.
You're overthinking it.
Hey,
what are you guys talking about?
- Nothing. Enjoy the music.
- I'm trying to,
but there's a lot of whispering.
Shush, shush, shush.
Play with your rope.
Teddy, Louise and I
all have to go to the bathroom
- at the same time. Come on.
- I want to go to the bathroom.
- No. You stay.
- Okay.
I didn't actually have to go.
It just sounds fun.
I kind of have to go.
- Hold it.
- Okay.
Hey. You went to the bathroom.
That's cool.
- Nice.
- Teddy, you get the bell back
on the wall,
and Louise and I will make sure
nobody comes this way.
Hi.
Oh, it's you guys.
Um, excuse me? I need to get by.
- What's the rush?
Enjoy the view.
- Right.
Okay, I need to hit the head,
so move?
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
but, like, you could hold it
if you wanted to, right?
I assume
the military trained you
to hold it
during a combat mission.
Actually, we're trained
to just let 'er rip.
Clean things up later.
- Now, please, move it.
- Oh, no.
Hey.
- Eh, you're not done yet.
Am, too.
- All right,
what the heck's going on?
- And what the heck is he doing?
You're stealing the deck bell?!
- Oh, God.
- Okay,
maybe I wasn't done, done,
but still, not cool.
I swear
I wasn't stealing the bell.
- He was. I caught him.
- Embarrassing.
Will someone please explain
to me what's going on here?
I need to know if I'm filling
out a report or not.
Teddy didn't take the bell.
I did.
- Linda?
- Mother.
Oh, that's why I wasn't part
of the pee-pee club.
I dodged a bullet.
But I still have to go.
- Teddy was just putting it back.
- I had nothing to do with this.
I'm just a little girl.
I knew
I shouldn't have come today.
But it was all, if I don't go,
Tony and those jerks win.
- Wait,
what do you mean, "jerks"?
- Yeah, ouch.
You guys
never stopped teasing me
after I fell off the ship.
Then you came up
with Double-Dip.
Double-Dip? What?
I mean,
because you fell off. Twice.
Oh, then that is
a solid nickname.
What,
we're not supposed to tease you?
It's what sailors do.
It's what friends do.
You think we're friends?
Sure, we are.
But, Teddy, you stand here,
and you tell us
how you fell off the ship,
and then you fall off the ship.
I mean, how does that
even happ...
- Oh, my God! Should you jingle
the clingy clangy?
The-the jingle bellies?
Jingle the thingy.
- Oh, right.
- Little more slack over here,
Billy! Let it out!
- Copy that!
Tony, keep that strap
above your chest!
Otherwise, your nipples
are liable to chafe!
Trust me on that one!
Raul, how're we doing
with your line?
My hands are greasy
from the hors d'oeuvres.
I can't get a grip.
Schmitty lookalike,
- tie this off for me, will you?
- Oh, um, I-I-I don't...
- I don't know...
- Come on, Dad. You can do it.
- Maybe.
- We believe in you.
- Stick the knots landing.
It's okay, Bob.
I'll come over.
No, I can... I can do this.
The rabbit comes up
from his hole,
runs around the tree,
then goes back into his hole
and...
I did it!
I did it! Knot teacher guy,
look! I did it!
- Well, I'll be.
- I totally get
the tree part now.
- He can do the easiest knot.
- And the rabbit.
Take that, Schmitty.
Geez, I guess I was wrong.
It is, uh, kind of easy
to fall off this ship.
So, you guys teased me
because we were friends?
What? Of course.
We served together.
We're bonded for life.
I mean,
we were all kids then, Teddy.
And you were a little older.
We-we looked up to you.
And I was scared out of my mind
about serving,
but then you showed me
you could make a mistake
and still be a great sailor.
Gave me a lot of confidence.
- Wow. I had no idea.
Hey, Double-Dip.
I got something for you.
- The bell? Really?
Yeah.
It'll remind you
of the good old days
and also today
when you fished out
Mr. Slips Ahoy.
- Mr. Slips Ahoy over here.
- That's pretty good.
Let's just pretend
you sent a request letter
and it has all
the right signatures on it.
But maybe put it down your pants
till you get off the ship,
please.
- Can I hide it in my jacket?
- No. Pants.
Yeah, pants is better.
Put it in your pants.
- Come on.
- Okay, I'll try. Thank you.
Aw, Teddy got the bell.
- All because of me.
- I mean...
Thank you
for your service, Mom.
If I fall off the ship,
do you think that lady
will give me a torpedo?
Hey, maybe you should reach out
to your old friends, too, Mom.
And then you can make up
and wear matching jackets.
I would, sweetie, but I TP'd
Debbie Bernardini's house
after they started calling me
Death by Chocolate.
And I peed on her bike.
But I shouldn't have.
Kids, do the Teddy thing,
not the Mama thing.
Oh, and I called them
at 2:00 in the morning
every night for a year
and pretended I was a killer.
Geez, Linda.
That's what friends do?
- ♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
- ♪ ♪
♪ One false step,
and I fell right off the ship ♪
♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
♪ Turns out it's pretty easy
to make a second trip ♪
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Look who went
and soaked their drawers ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Got rescued,
but my nipples chafed ♪
♪ Double-Dip, that's right,
Double-Dip ♪
- ♪ No one else to blame ♪
- ♪ Double, Double-Dip ♪
♪ Took me two falls in
to get that name ♪
♪ Double-Dip, that's me,
Double-Dip ♪
♪ When you're in trouble,
on the double ♪
♪ Call the Double-Dip. ♪
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