Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 21 - Tell Me Dumb Thing Good - full transcript

♪ ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

LINDA: ♪ Just put toilet paper ♪

♪ In the bathroom ♪

♪ I wonder how long
there wasn't any in there ♪

♪ Could it have
been two years? ♪

- It easily could.
- (door opens)

- Hey, Teddy. - Hey, guys.

What are you doing on the laptop,
Bob?

Bunch of spreadsheets?
Something with Bitcoin?

Oh, uh,
I'm on that Neighborhood website.



The one where
people post about stuff

going on in the area/
yell at each other?

Yep. There's a guy
who's growing cucumbers

in his basement and every day
he posts a picture of them growing.

It's really interesting.
Take a look.

That's definitely cucumbers
in a guy's basement.

God,
I can't wait until he posts again.

Yeah that's great, hon. Oh,
crap, I just remembered.

I told Gene it's mac
and cheese night,

but we don't have
any mac and cheese.

- I got to go to the store.
- Yeah, you do.

That's an emergency. Last time
we didn't have mac and cheese,

- he called the police on us.
- Hey, if I go now,

I can meet the kids and
walk them home from school.



I mean, they already like you better,
but okay.

I wish I could walk with my mom,

but she's going through
a skateboard phase.

A woman walking down the street

with a bag full of
mac and cheese.

Bob Dylan had a song about that,
I think.

What can I tell you?
I'm a great mom.

And I'm not just saying that

'cause Mother's
Day is coming up.

Right. Mother's Day.

Man,
I just hope we have enough wrapping paper.

That's my main concern.

Really? I'm concerned
we don't have any presents.

- Gene.
- Aw, Brown Rice Bonanza closed.

It wasn't as exciting
as they made it sound.

Hey, there's that trash can.

The one people add
stuff to sometimes

and make it look
like a little person.

Oh, yeah. I remember when
someone gave it a mustache.

- It was like trashy hot Dad.
- Ooh, I have an idea.

Okay, ripping this cup in half,
and who's got a pen?

Me. Here's my
third favorite pen.

Eh, eh.

And now the trash
can has little feet. Ha!

-Nice. -TINA: I love it.
-LOUISE: Mm-hmm.

Shoes on a trash can?

- That's fun. - It is, isn't it?

- It really is.
- Can I get that pen back?

'Cause, you know,
third favorite.

Hey,
guys. How was your walk home?

Great. You know that
trash can on Harbor Road

that people decorate sometimes?

I made little paper
cup shoes for it.

And there was a
guy who liked it.

He was like, "Ha."

I know that trash can.

One time someone
taped big paper teeth on it.

Made it kind of
difficult to put trash in,

but it made me laugh,
and a little scared.

I mean,
getting the trash in is kind of important.

It's like the trash
can's only job.

- Dad, this is why you're single.
- I-I'm not single.

Ooh,
I should set you up with my roommate Linda.

BOB: Lot of comments

on the cucumber guy.

I mean, they're from me, but...

You're reading
your own comments?

Yeah,
they're really good. I worked hard on them.

Hey, look at this,
there's a post about the trash can

- can you decorated.
- What? It's in the news?

- Uh, i-it's not the news.
- "Great shoes, trash can."

And somebody put
a happy face emoji.

Aw. And this person wrote,
"Does anyone have

any free moving boxes?"
What the hell's that?

Yeah, people on here are always
looking for free moving boxes.

It's, like, 80% of the posts.

Well, how about that?

My little trash can shoes
making people a little happier.

That'll make me
sleep easy tonight...

- (snoring) - Yeah,
yep. Good night.

(phone ringing)

- Bob's Burgers.
- Linda, it's Teddy.

Listen, I'm at the trash can
to see the shoes you put on it.

They're not there,
unless I'm in the wrong place.

Oh, geez,
am I even in the right town?

Aw. Well,
maybe I'll go there later

and put some more on it, right?

- Keep the party going?
- Yeah! Trash can party.

Hello, ma'am.

♪ Shoes, shoes, shoes ♪

♪ Trash can shoes. ♪

Do you think Mom would
want a lightly-stained dish cloth

for Mother's Day? Wait, dang it.

I got her that a couple of years ago,
never mind.

- Hey, Teddy. - Gone again.

I drive by the trash can,
hoping for a little joy

and cheer, and nothing, nothing.

Seriously? Well, you know what?

I'm gonna go put
them back on right now,

'cause those shoes are fun.

- I'll come, too.
- I'm coming, too.

Like I'm not gonna
go on a trash-venture?

I'll stay here and wipe
menus. Just kidding. Wait up.

- Sorry, Dad. We're cool, right?
- Yeah, we're cool.

- I get it. - Oh, good.

This is gonna be a great pair of shoes,
aren't you?

Look, someone put up a sign.

LINDA: "Vandalism
is Prohibited."

What I did isn't vandalism.

It's not not vandalism,
and that's what I love about it.

What kind of crumb
bum would do this?

Look,
someone shredded your shoes.

Or they're distressed
in a cool way?

Why would they do that? Why...
What... Who would do that?

- What kind of monster?
- All right, Mr. Sign, let's see how you like it.

A-rip, a-rip, a-rip.

And now these brand-new
shoes are going on.

Ha, ha! Look at those shoes.

Just like I pictured them.

I'm gonna be riding
this high for a while.

LINDA: You know,
I just don't understand.

Who'd get mad at my shoes?

Putting stuff on that trash can is just,
like,

a fun, dumb tradition that
makes people a little happier.

- Like childbirth.
- Mom, this is great.

We vandalize... I...
(blows raspberry)

I mean,
put stuff on the trash can,

they take it down,
we put it up again.

This could be our career. Wait,
do we even need the restaurant?

- Louise.
- You know, you're right.

They're just gonna do it again.
We got to find out who did this.

If I go right now,
kind of stake it out,

I might catch them in
the act. Red-handled.

Wait. You're gonna
stake out the trash can?

- Yeah. Keep up, Dad.
- I'll stay if you want.

No? You don't need me? Great.

- Stop leaving the restaurant.
- (door opens)

You are obsessed
with this place.

It'll be super quick, Bob.

In bed by 9:00,
lights out by 9:30.

No,
we're not staking out the trash can.

We're just window-shopping
for vacuums.

Ooh, that's a nice one.

TINA: Look at those
attachments. (whistles)

Kids, no, no, just pretend.

Okay, I'm just gonna
casually look over my shoulder.

Nobody's there, nobody's there.

Mom, when we catch this person,
what'd you bring

as far as subduing them?

Some kind of fishing net,
or what are we doing?

I didn't bring anything.

Okay. I brought salt
from the restaurant.

We throw it in their eyes
and then we sit on them.

Hey, can I have some of
that salt? I brought fries.

No, no salt. When we catch them,

we're gonna give
them a good talking-to.

With our fists and chest kicks.

(shushing): Someone's coming.

He's going towards
it. Get ready.

Stand down. Hold your salt.

Just tossing
trash. Just a tosser.

- A litter quitter.
- LOUISE: Look at that cordless one.

Ooh, la, la. Mom,
it's on sale. You love sales.

We're not getting a vac... Ooh,
that is nice.

Oh,
a car's pulling up. That could be them.

- Attack the car.
- No. Not attack the car.

Ugh,
delivery truck. Now I can't see.

Come on,
let's go around it. Go, go, go.

But look both ways, but go.

(gasps) It's the shoe swiper.

Hey, you! Stop!

Step away from the trash can.

(shouts) What the...?

(gasps) Cynthia?

Hello,
Linda. Just yelling at people on the street

like a normal person?

- Mom, salt. - Season her.

Cynthia, you're the one taking
down our trash can shoes?

I sure am. You're the
one playing with trash?

What's your problem, Cynthia?

What do you have against
delightful trash shoes?

I'm the leasing
agent for this valuable

and attractive
commercial property,

and I'm trying to bring
in a serious business.

Do you know who's interested
in this space? Pretzel Kingdom.

-(gasps) -Oh, my. - Whoa.

Pretzel Kingdom?
The soft pretzel chain?

Yes. We'd finally be getting
a chain in this neighborhood,

and I don't want to scare
them off with that foolishness.

- We'd be a Pretzel Kingdom town?
- Gene.

Linda, you should want to
bring in desirable businesses,

because it'd be good
for your business.

Hey,
my business is none of your business.

Question: is this the
full Pretzel Kingdom

or a Pretzel Kingdom Express?

- Gene. - Full.

- Good lord. - Tina, shush.

Listen, nothing's gonna stop me

from decorating this trash can

to make it look like a
little person. Nothing.

But it's vandalism. It's
defacing public property.

No,
it's add-facing public property.

'Cause I might add
a face if I feel like it.

- Mm, let's call it vandalism.
- Louise, shushies.

Well, whatever face you put up,
I'm gonna take right down.

Well, then,
I'm gonna put it right back up again.

I will never stop putting
fun things on this trash can

until the day I die.

Of tetanus, probably,
from touching all that trash.

Leave it alone. This will
be a Pretzel Kingdom.

I just got chills. Sorry.

- Me, too. Sorry. - (grunts)

BOB: And then
someone else commented

that the cucumber was ripe,
but it clearly had

more ripening to do,
and I almost commented that,

- but then I didn't. - Sheesh.

You tell me my stories are long.

- How's it going here?
- This pirate hat

is really coming together.

- With staples. - I love it.

And I'm almost done
coloring the pirate's parrot.

I went with purple,
'cause that's what we had.

Ooh,
this is gonna be one fun garbage can.

- (laughs) - Ha. Pirates.

Good work, kids. Take that,
you buzzkills.

- We're gonna beat you.
- And this sword I made

is definitely not a wiener.

(whispers): It's a wiener.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Look what we can do as a family.

- I'll be taking those. - What?

- Hey. - Logan!

My mom paid me
ten bucks. See ya!

Now she's got people
working for her?

(growls) This is war.

♪ This is war ♪

♪ On the trash,
not in the trash ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ On the trash,
not in the trash ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ On the trash,
not in the trash ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪

LINDA: "Hats off to
whoever put that baseball hat

"on the trash can.

Made my day."

Take that, Cynthia, you jerk.

She did take that. I mean,
Logan took that.

Oh, my God,
cucumber guy just posted.

- Here, gimme, gi... gimme, gimme.
- Whoa. Geez.

Do not get between
Bob and his cuce.

Look at that. R-Really puts it
all in perspective, doesn't it?

I got to admit,
when I close my eyes and picture

the perfect cucumber,
it looks like that.

- Call me when it's a pickle.
- Lot of comments.

They're all about people
looking for free moving boxes.

- Is that code for drugs?
- I don't think it is.

-Ooh, scuba diver. -Huh? -What?

Scuba diver. For the trash can.

Love it. On it.

Cynthia didn't count on me

having an unlimited
number of trash can ideas.

- You do? - No, I'm running out.

That took me 20
minutes to think of.

Look at these flippers.

Look at this mask.
You guys are geniuses.

Don't listen to
them at that school.

- What? - Nothing, nothing.

And then I said,
"I'm running for reelection, not jogging.

- (gasps) - And you're fired."

- (whispers): Crap. Hide.
- (laughter)

Well, Cynthia,
the space looks gorgeous.

Right? The Pretzel
Kingdom people

would be morons
not to sign the lease.

I cannot wait for us to finally
be a Pretzel Kingdom town.

- We deserve it.
- Great job, Mrs. Bush.

Thanks, Mr. Bush.

- Dr. Mr. Bush.
- Right, well, it helps to know

the entire city council
is as jazzed as I am.

What? Those are the
city council people?

And as far as voting

on that anti-trash can
"decorating" resolution

that my city councilperson
husband proposed...

Dr. Mr. City Councilperson.

Franklin, we have your vote?

- Yes, you do. - And mine.

And hubby's. Your
little Tom Tom.

BOTH: Ah, ha, ha.

Anyway,
see everybody at the meeting Friday.

And you'll see me tonight
'cause it's you-know-what night.

-Tom, please.
-What? It's Scrabble night.

What the hell? Cynthia's getting

an anti-trash can
decorating thing passed?

- Damn, she's good at this.
- Really good.

Do you think they'd let
us come to Scrabble night

if we asked nicely?

Wait,
is that the thing with the letters?

Never mind. I'm
thinking of "scramble."

Ugh! I can't believe Cynthia's
gonna get the city council

to vote on an anti-trash
can decorating resolution.

I didn't even know
our city had a council.

Yeah,
I felt like I was on West Wing.

Should I, I don't know,
do something? Talk to people?

See if they would
go to the meeting?

I mean,
people love being asked to go to meetings.

Yeah. They're fun, right?

Okay, so I'll go make some
flyers and hit the streets.

A flyer about a
meeting? Delightful.

Uh-huh. ♪ Flyers. ♪

Gene, Tina,
can you help me fold some socks in my room?

Okay, but I'm not a folder.

- I'm more of a baller.
- Yeah, you are.

All right,
after we do your socks,

you guys want to
come into my room

- and help me sort my shorts?
- No.

Listen, what would be the
best Mother's Day gift ever?

If you actually did
fold your own socks?

Forget about the socks.

Well,
now all I can think about is the socks.

Guys,
Mom's plan is not gonna work.

But what if we surprise her
with a city council victory?

What if we do a little
city council recon?

We figure out where
they can be found,

and we pay 'em a little visit

and convince them
to vote Mom's way.

Bing, bang, boom,
Mother's Day present.

And if we succeed,

it's a kid's day
present for us kids

because we get to
keep doing vandalism

that's somehow parent-approved,
so it's a win-win.

- Sounds "winderful."
- Gene's in.

-Tina?
-Well, we do need a Mother's Day present

'cause we got nothing,

and I've been off my game in
the homemade card department.

I know you guys have felt it.

No...

Hi. Do you care about things?

Okay, you're not slowing down.

Sir,
how do you feel about fun trash?

Hi. Do you like to smile?

Would you be willing to
go to a city council meeting

Friday at 5:00 to speak
up against a resolu...

Oh, you're walking away. Okay.

LOUISE: All right,
let's find city council big shot

and tennis lover
Heather Rockway.

Or as I call her,
Tennis the Menace.

- (Heather laughs) - Okay.

That's definitely Heather
right behind me. Tina, go.

(clears throat) Well,
uh, it's hard to argue

with the results of
this new research

from our child think tank
that's totally respected

in the child think
tank community.

- And the child tank top community.
- Yeah.

Who knew the number one
way to increase soft pretzel sales

was to have a fun and
festive trash can nearby?

It's a damn good thing our town
has some decorative trash cans.

Excuse me, ma'am,
have you heard about this?

About the cutting-edge trash
can-pretzel synergy research?

Are you kids even members here?

How did that not work?

I mean, the numbers were there.
You can't argue with the data.

It's pronounced "dah-ta."

First it's just a
prickly little thing,

- and then it's a vegetable.
- In the guy's basement.

He-he wanted to grow food,
and he didn't have a yard,

and he grew it anyway.

It's like anything is possible.

I'm sorry I didn't
see what you saw.

Yeah. So,
that's all his old posts.

But the weird thing is he
stopped posting a few days ago.

No! I need to know what
happens. What do we do till then?

We just try and live, Teddy.

We just try and live.

Well, well, well.

Honorable City Councilman
Franklin Wilmington.

Illegally feeding pigeons in the park. Tsk,
tsk.

It's not illegal. Is it?

Let me pass the bar real quick,
and I'll get back to you.

Nobody has to know about this.

It can stay between
us and the pigeons.

If you play ball on
the trash can vote.

All right. Shoo! Now
look what you've done.

They were finally
starting to trust me.

(Bob sighs)

- Still no posts.
- Ah, what do I do? What do I do?

Maybe I should
decorate a trash can

to look like Cynthia.
That would show her.

I mean, probably not?

Uh, you don't want to use
your trash can powers for evil,

- do you?
- Yeah, maybe you're right.

(mumbles)

(snoring)

That's so impressive.

I'll just check real quick.

Damn it.

LOUISE: Look,
we just really have

no good ideas for
Mother's Day gifts,

so if you could
just do us a solid...

You know Cynthia's my wife,
right?

Come on, Tom Tom.

Isn't it healthy for couples
to disagree sometimes?

Keeps things spicy.

No. It's way better that
we're on the same page.

One time,
I briefly considered getting a tattoo

of my favorite band, 311,
and it was unpleasant at home.

So, yeah,
I'm gonna vote the way Cynthia wants me to.

It's better for
my life that way.

- Ugh!
- Uh, I don't want you guys to leave empty-handed.

Anyone want any pens from
pharmaceutical companies?

Hello, favorite pen number four.

Oh, cucumber. Where are you?

♪ My heart has been coasting ♪

♪ Since the last posting ♪

♪ Don't know if you're growing ♪

♪ There's no way of knowing ♪

♪ Did you become salad? ♪

♪ This is my ballad ♪

♪ I need to see you again ♪

- ♪ When will I see you
again? ♪ - LOUISE: Dad?

- Dad? - Huh?

- Were you even listening to us?
- Yeah.

- Uh, go on. - I was saying

the stupid city council meeting's in,
like, ten minutes,

and we've got nothing
for Mother's Day.

So, I guess you make a card?

-Damn it, Dad! You know my game is off.
-Whoa.

How's your super cool cucumber,
Father?

I don't know. He's not posting.

(chuckles): I-I'm fine.

I-I'm... I'm totally fine.

Maybe you could get into
posts about moving boxes.

Seemed like there
were plenty of those.

Moving boxes.

Moving boxes!

Really? I-I feel
like I'd be forcing it.

I need to see your
laptop. And we need to get

to that meeting. Wait,
where's Mom?

She's upstairs
having a fudge break.

- Is that bathroom talk?
- I couldn't tell.

I just said,
"Fudge as long as you need to."

Stupid Cynthia.

Mmm. Man, that's good fudge.

- (sighs, blows raspberry) - Mom,
make it a to-go fudge.

- We've got a vote to win.
- I'll carry the fudge.

So,
it's official. The temporary yield sign

will become a
permanent yield sign.

- For now. - (door opens)

I don't understand. How
is this a good surprise?

- Mom, just sit. - CYNTHIA: Hmm.

Tennis club kids?

They disrupted my pigeon time.

-Hello, Linda. -Meh.
-Good one, Mom.

Why don't we turn our
attention to the issue of the day:

the trash can resolution.

Cynthia,
would you like to say a few words?

Do I need to? (chuckles)

- Mom, you should say something.
- Eh, I don't want to.

(clears throat)
My mom would like

to say a few words,
if it pleases the court.

This isn't a court, but sure.

- Aw, what's the point?
- Because we got to beat the buzzkills.

-Yeah. -Come on, Mom.
-All right, fine.

Um, is there a microphone
somewhere or...? What do I do?

You can just stay where you
are and use your mouth for talking.

Okay, look,
I know you don't think much

of the trash can decoration.

And... and yeah, at first,
I thought it was just dumb fun.

But you know what?
We need dumb fun.

Especially if things are crappy.

And if one dumb thing
that's not hurting anybody

can put a smile on
one person's face,

then it's worth it, I think.

And who wants a
fancy chain restaurant

- on that corner, anyway? - Me!

- Sorry. Sorry. I don't.
- Thank you.

I yield the rest of my time.

There's no time... Never mind.

-That was great. -Nice.
-Good job, Mom.

- Way to go.
- CYNTHIA: Thank you,

Linda. That was
totally unnecessary.

Can we vote now?

Yes, we can. On the matter

of the trash can
decorating resolution...

- (door opens) - Oh.

Hello. Welcome. Oh.

- (door closes) -
Hi there. This cou...

(door opens)

Wow. This is a record crowd.

Look,
they're coming. It's working.

Okay. Um, back to the voting.

- But before you do...
- Oh, come on.

...let's look at all these people,
huh?

They're here 'cause they
love the trash can thing.

I was told there would
be free moving boxes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but don't you love that trash can?

The one on Harbor Road?
That gets decorated sometimes?

I mean, sure. I guess.

She loves the can!

And I'm assuming
all these people vote.

Tell me you all vote.

- Uh, all the time.
- I love to vote.

- It's been a while, to be honest.
- Okay, okay.

And you city council members,
you all get voted in?

Or is this a monarch system?

Hey,
wait. According to the signs around town,

an election is coming up pretty soon,
eh?

Yes. We're all up for
reelection next month.

Vote Rockway!

Uh-huh. And is
there a big turnout

for a city council election?

(chuckles): Oh, God,
no. I think each of us

won by a couple votes?

So you'd probably want
to listen to this crowd

of several trash can
decorating-loving voters, then.

- Right, huge crowd of voters?
- I mean, yeah, sure.

That trash can is fun.
So are moving boxes.

- Are we gonna be getting those now or...
- Shush, shush, shush.

You kids are so smart.

So, before you vote

to never have any decorations
on any trash cans ever,

maybe ask yourselves this:

do you want to
stay in office or not?

Ha! Nice try.

Can we get back to
the voting on this thing?

- Yes. Heather? - I...

uh... always like to keep
my constituents happy.

So I-I'm on Team Fun Trash Can.

I vote against the resolution.

- Ah? Ah? - What?!

Franklin, how are you voting?

I vote for the resolution
against the fun trash can.

I don't really like fun.

One yes, one no. Tom?

Bring it home,
honey. Bring it home.

- Uh... - Tom?

I mean, fun trash cans are fun.

- What?! - Uh, I'm all mixed-up.

I don't know what to do.

But I've got to
trust my instincts

and let go of regret.

I vote against the resolution,

with the fun trash can.

And I'm getting that 311 tattoo!

No! You killed our
Pretzel Kingdom!

I'm sorry! I love you.

The resolution fails.

And I retroactively
vote with the winners.

Reelect Franklin Wilmington.

Oh, my God,
what? We won. We won!

- Ugh! Come on, Tom, let's go.
- To the tattoo parlor?

I don't know. Maybe.
We'll talk about it.

Happy Mother's Day,
Mom. This is the best gift.

- We nailed it.
- (Linda groaning)

(grunts) Congratulations, Lin.

I love my fun, trashy family.

This gift is also your card,
by the way.

So,
is whoever posted that message

gonna give us free
moving boxes or...?

Dad, we probably have some
boxes at the restaurant, right?

Uh, I mean, they might have
some tomatoes in them, but sure.

I'll take whatever you got, man.

(gasps) Oh,
my God. Are you the cucumber guy?

(chuckles) Yes,
I guess that's me.

I-I can't believe I'm
meeting you. Uh,

y-you haven't been
posting. Is everything okay?

Oh,
I've been busy 'cause we're moving,

but the cucumber's
still going strong.

Geez. I hope you post
a few more pictures.

Well,
you can come by and see it if you want.

Really? Oh, wow. Uh,
can I bring someone?

Sure.

Teddy? You're not
gonna believe this.

You're going to the
cucumber guy's basement.

TEDDY: What? What?!

♪ My trash can is a funky can ♪

♪ A can do can ♪

♪ My trash can is a funky can ♪

-♪ Dumb things ♪
-♪ Dumb little things ♪

-♪ Can be fun things
♪ -♪ Fun little things ♪

-♪ Dumb things ♪
-♪ Dumb little things ♪

-♪ Can be fun things
♪ -♪ Fun little things ♪

-♪ Dumb fun, ooh ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪

♪ My trash can is a funky can ♪

♪ A can do can ♪

♪ My trash can is a funky can ♪

-♪ Dumb things ♪
-♪ Dumb little things ♪

-♪ Can be fun things
♪ -♪ Fun little... ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.