Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 22 - Vampire Disco Death Dance - full transcript

*BOB'S BURGERS*
Season 11 Episode 22

Episode Title: "Vampire Disco Death Dance"
Aired on: May 23, 2021.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

♪ Where are all the people
who want to buy some food? ♪

♪ Not here. ♪

- Hey, kids.
- How was school?

Did you dazzle your teachers?
Did you make a big splash?

I sure did. Center stall.

About 12 minutes after lunch.

- Up top, big guy.
- Mm.

Well, it was actually a pretty
slow day here today.



Wait, here? No.

It was slow, and so, Tina,

guess who had time
to work on our costumes

for our father-daughter
movie date

to see Vampire Disco
Death Dance tomorrow night?

You?
Wait, is this a trick question?

It was me.
And your mom helped, too.

I did most of it,
and your father just had

a lot of opinions.

It's not fair.
Why don't Gene and I

get to go see
a vampire movie?

Well, it's not just a movie.

It's a dress-up-sing-along
interactive experience.

There's an emcee,
people talk back to the screen.



At one point,
people even throw confetti.

But you guys are a little
too young. It-It's rated R.

What, for violence?

Well, there's a couple swears,
and a character gets drunk,

and there's a lot of innuendo.

We see stuff like that
every day with you and Mom.

But it's definitely not violent.

There's not even
any blood in it.

It's-it's campy.

No blood? Oh.
Now I don't want to go.

Trust me, you're missing out.

It's about this
18-year-old farmer named Kevin.

I like that.

Kevin works on his
mean dad's garlic farm,

but what he really wants to do

is go to a disco nightclub

that turns out to be run
by vampires.

That's where Kevin
meets Destiny Fanger,

- the costume that Tina's gonna wear.
- Yeah, check it out.

I sewed a long-sleeve shirt
onto a pair of pants,

glued a bunch of sequins
all over it,

and now it's a jumpsuit.
My little disco death dancer.

I want to see the crap
out of this movie.

Well, when you're 13,
I'll take you.

It-It'll be like
a rite of passage.

I saw it when I was 13.

- Oh, it's old?
- Yeah.

- Gross.
- Yeah. Ew.

Well, Tina's excited
for our father-daughter

movie date
tomorrow night, right?

What? Oh, yeah,
it's, uh, gonna be really fun.

Um, why are you drinking
like that?

Some kids at school
have been playing

this new game
they made up.

It's called
drinking or not drinking.

What is it?
How do you play?

You put a straw in your drink,

then you put the straw
in your mouth.

And then people have to guess
if you're drinking

or not drinking.

- Hmm.
- Do you guys know about fun games?

It's dumb!
It's a dumb game!

But I'm realizing
the kids I hang out with

are kind of my only shot
at a peer group,

so I'm just making
the best of it.

Aw, sweetie.

I mean, I wish
I had a group of friends

that were all really close
and shared our deepest hopes

and desires
and we all got each other.

But it doesn't look like
things are going that way,

so these kids
are my best option.

And that means I've got practice
drinking and/or not drinking.

Hmm, it looks like
you're holding in a fart.

It looks like you're
holding in a stroke.

Well, it sounds like
tomorrow night will be

a good break
from your super great

not terrible at all group.

Mm-hmm.

Tina, please stop doing that
with your face.

It-It's scaring me.

All right, that was a good one.
Let's play another round.

- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Cool. So fun.

My turn.
Everyone look at me.

Oh, she's drinking, baby.

Zeke, I don't think she is.

Wait, now I don't
think she is, either.

- Dang, she's good.
- Yeah, crazy. Wow.

Oh, my God,
she's totally drinking.

You're right, I was drinking.

I knew it.
In your faces and your places.

- My turn.
- Oh, cool, cool. Playing again.

I just saw a little milk
on his lips.

He's drinking, baby!

Get over here,
you little drinker stinker.

I'm gonna... Get over here.

Zeke, you made milk
come out of my nose.

Ha! Let's never
not play this game.

This game is, like, who we are.

Don't cut off your fingers,
don't cut off your fingers,

- Oh, my God.
- Don't cu... Wha?

- Wha? Wha?
- Somebody dumped a bunch of junk

- in our alley last night.
- Ooh, it's nasty.

Oh, look at the little
baby table

with the little baby chairs.

Oh, they're kind of moldy.

Aw, but they're so little
and cute.

Pickup is in a few days.

I need to get all this junk
inside the dumpster,

- or else they won't take it.
- I'll help you.

Let's get this junk
in the trunk.

We're really gonna have to
mush it in there

to get the dumpster
to close all the way.

Or else the raccoons
will come tonight

and rip open all the trash bags
and make an even bigger mess.

Oh, God forbid the raccoons
should have a little fun.

Lin, I know that
they're your friends.

It's just, they do make a mess.
It's rude.

You-you maybe shouldn't
be friends with them.

Hey, what if they ate
at the little moldy table?

Like a little raccoon
restaurant.

Linda, please,
just help me mush.

Raccoons sitting
on little chairs,

using little knives and forks.

Aw, we should do that.

I mean, maybe not.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.
That'd be crazy.

All right, hold my apron,
I'm going in.

I can't climb up.
What's wrong with me?

- Am I not strong?
- I'll give you a boost.

Thank you.

- Guys, wait.
- What?

- Wait.
- What?

We should play
drinking or not drinking

- somewhere tonight.
- Oh, my God, yes.

- Hell yeah.
- I'm so in. - Dang.

I really do want to hang out
with my crew tonight...

That's you guys...
But I already have plans.

Plans? Wh-What do you mean?
With who?

My dad's taking me
to see a movie.

Ugh.
Why?

It's an old vampire movie.
It's a musical.

We're dressing up in costume
like two of the characters.

People sing and
talk back to the screen.

The screen can hear you?

Uh, it can't hear you,
Jocelyn, no.

Oh, my God, I thought...
Oh, my God, good.

Oh, and it's rated R.

- Do what?
- What?

-Damn.
Yeah.

All right, good mushing.

I think it'll close now.
I-I hope.

Hey, look...
Someone threw away Mom and Dad.

Ooh, now we can
get fresh, new parents.

- Maybe hairless, smooth ones.
- Hi, kids.

Don't worry, Tina, I-I'm gonna
shower before the movie tonight.

- Oh, so now you shower.
- Hey, Dad, guess what. - What?

I told Zeke, Jimmy Junior,
Tammy and Jocelyn

about the movie, and now
they want to come, too.

- Um, they do?
- Yes. At first they just wanted to play

the stupid drinking game
tonight,

but now they want to
do something I want to do.

- They're gonna buy tickets for the movie.
- Wait. Really?

So now maybe we'll all start
liking the same things,

and I'll never need any
new friends.

It's all thanks to you, Dad.

And you get to pick
everybody up tonight

and drive us all there
and chaperone us.

- Thanks. I love you.
- Great.

This is gonna be
a good night Dad.

Hey, you're okay
with all of my friends

- coming with us, right?
- Uh, yeah. Uh, definitely.

Oh, you're gonna
have such a good time, Dad.

Tammy is a treat.

She's fine if you just
think about something else

- when she starts talking.
- Tina, please try not to move.

- I-I'm doing your makeup really well.
- Eh.

Okay, so Tina's a vampire lady
with slightly thicker eyebrows.

Dad, who are you?

I'm Nightclub Guy Number Three.

He only has one line,
but everybody in the audience

yells it at the screen.

- What's his line?
- It's right before he dies.

He yells,
"Dis-go to hell, vampires."

Wow. I'm surprised this movie
didn't get banned

with that edgy stuff.

Well, I'm pumped.
Woo-hoo!

And done.
I-I think.

All right, get out of here,
you two. Love you.

And we're not gonna do
anything weird

- with raccoons in the alley.
- Wait. What?

What? No. Just... Bye.
Bye, bye, bye.

- Oh, God. Let-Let's just go.
- Have fun.

And, Mommy, Louise, you might
want to get out of here, too.

- It's showtime.
- Oh, my God, you're pooping.

- Ugh, yeah, he is.
- What? That was the plan,

and then everyone came in here!

Wait, Tina,
why do you look like that?

- Are you goth now?
- Aw. Don't be goth.

You're already so sad.

Remember, everybody? I said it
was a singalong dress-up thing?

It's fine.
It's not a big deal.

I mean,
it's not not a big deal.

It's kind of part
of the whole thing.

What are you dressed up as,
Mr. B?

You look like an old-ass
Burt Reynolds or something.

My stepmom Cheryl
lets me say "ass"

and a couple
of other curses now.

- Hope that's cool with you.
- No, I don't like it.

There's a red light coming up.

- Uh, thanks, Jimmy. I-I see it.
- I couldn't tell

if you were paying attention.
You look sleepy.

I-I'm not sleepy.
I'm... I'm just old.

Guys, when we stop,
we should yell something

at the people
in the car next to us.

- Oh, my God, that'd be so funny.
- No, ple-please don't yell at...

Hey, person in the car.

I like your shirt.

Oh, my God, he looked at me.

- Drive, drive, drive.
- I-I can't. It's a red light.

Remember?
You pointed it out.

- You okay, Dad?
- Yup. Yup.

I'm doing great, Tina.

All right,
we got the dirty little

table and chairs
all set up in the alley.

Now we need to finish cooking
the raccoons their dinner.

And then we can open up
their restaurant.

So, just to double-check here,
we're making a restaurant

- in our alley for raccoons?
- Exactly.

- I love this lady.
- Here, Gene, stir.

And we're cooking them real food

because Dad said he didn't
want them to eat our trash?

Yes. And they work hard
just like anyone else,

and they deserve to have a
hot meal and a nice atmosphere.

- And I bet they tip great.
- Okay, here's how this is gonna work.

We're serving spaghetti.
We're gonna plate it up here

and carry the food
down to the alley.

We've got three chairs, and
I'm betting we have a full house

for opening night.

Sorry, I keep having questions.

How do we get raccoons
to sit in chairs?

They're not animals.
They know how to sit in chairs.

Gene, you're on music duty.
I'm thinking something jazzy.

On it. I'll bring my keyboard.
I'll learn jazz.

Louise, you're gonna
help with atmosphere.

That means
you're on candle duty.

You get to use matches.

Okay, I like this now.

All right!
Let's resta this raunt.

Uh, Mr. Belcher?

So, you're still, like, here,

with us, like,
outside of your car.

- Is that on purpose?
- What? Um, yeah.

- Uh, I'm coming with you guys.
- Oh...

Okay. Okay.

Did you think
I got dressed up like this

just to drop you off
at the movie theater?

- Yeah. - Yes.
- Yup.

Tina, do something.

It's rated R.
He has to come with us.

Ugh.
Fart noise.

Oh. That's
actually weird, 'cause that...

then there was a sound, but
that's... it wasn't from me.

- Cool. Lot of costumes.
- Yeah. Oh. That guy's

dressed up as Vamp von Tramp,
the vampire gigolo.

Hey, look.
It's Dominic.

Oh, hey, Bob, and all the teens
Bob is hanging out with.

Oh, no.
We're not hanging out.

I-I'm chaperoning.

So, Vampire Disco
Death Dance night.

- Are you excited?
- Sure. I love being the guy

that cleans up after a movie
where people throw stuff

all around the theater.

Oh.
Well, um, uh, nice to see you.

And sorry about the mess
that we're all about to make.

It's all right.
I wanted a job in showbiz.

Okay, let's go in
and try and grab some good seats

- while we can.
- Hold up, Mr. B.

Sweet kids need sweet treats.

Should we get
in the snack line, or...?

- Yeah, we should.
- Tina, why don't we go in

- and save some seats.
- All right, get some snacks,

and then let's watch this thing
and have some fun with it.

Sound good, kid crew?

Did you just say "kid crew"?

Yeah, it just came out.

Uh, maybe it's like a name
for our little group.

Kid Krew.
Spelled with a K.

I-I don't know. Never
mind. Uh, see you in there.

Hey, you funky chickens.

Grab a seat
and hang on to your necks!

- Is he talking to us?
- They-they greet everyone like that.

Oh, hey,
let's grab those over there.

You think
they'll find us up here?

They'll be able to see us,
right?

We're not blocking you, are we,

with our giant spider hair?

Oh, no, uh, you're fine.

I like your costume, Destiny.

Thanks, uh, spider person.

Sorry I don't know the movie
that well yet.

- So, kind of cool, right?
- Really cool.

I think the Kid Crew's
gonna be into it,

once they handle
that snack attack.

Hoo-hoo.

It's starting!

Whoa!

Whoa. I'm dizzy.

Go to sleep, Kevin!

And turn off that music!

Did you hear me?

Dang it, Kevin.

You've got garlic to pick
in the morning.

Kind of a waste of garlic.
But it's fun.

But-but I don't do it.

Sorry, Dad.

I was just practicing
my bus stop a little bit.

I think it's really
gettin' there.

Yeah, it is.

You and your dang disco dancing.

Where are they?

Hello, fire.
I made you.

Now I'm gonna put you here.

Here...

and here.

I control you.
I am the lord of light.

Okay, okay, Louise.
Put out the match.

Why? Just 'cause
it's about to burn my fingers?

Oh, okay, I'm doing it now.
Ow.

Yesterday, I had a little idea

to use a small, moldy table

to create a restaurant
for raccoons.

And tonight, Alley Rascals
is open for business, baby.

- Yeah!
- Mommy! Mommy!

Raccoons!

We got spaghetti and jazz
in the alley.

Gene, go.
Jazz, now.

♪ Jazz. Jazzy-jazz. ♪

- ♪ Jazzity-jazz-jazz-jazz... ♪
- All right, let's crouch down

next to the dumpster
so we don't scare 'em.

Gene, did you write that song?

No, but I bought
the rights to it.

- What's taking so long?
- Hello.

I didn't know
boy legs could do that.

I'm Destiny.
Want to dance with Destiny?

Sure, uh, let me just
re-cinch my overalls.

Those overalls and me
have something in common.

'Cause I'm gonna be
all over you.

Tina, there's your character.

It's Destiny.
Look.

- What?
- It's Destiny. There she is.

- Great. Great.
- Hey, are you okay?

- Yeah. I'm fine.
- This song is called,

"I'm All Over You."
It's really good.

♪ I've been alive
for 300 years ♪

♪ Had a thousand lovers,
seen a million fears ♪

♪ In men's eyes,
let me explain ♪

♪ It means nothing to me
when I slurp their veins ♪

Wait, you're gonna do what?

♪ But this boy Kevin makes
my heart flutter ♪

♪ Want to see him tonight
underneath my covers ♪

♪ 'Cause I, oh, oh, ooh, I ♪

♪ Am all over you ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh. ♪

Um, why do you smell
like garlic?

Uh-oh.

There might be a little
garlic on my overalls.

Why don't you go ahead
and take those off?

I want to see what's
under those overalls.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

♪ 'Cause I, oh, oh, ooh, I ♪

♪ Am all over you ♪

I'm just gonna go
check on them.

Hey, don't you love this song?

I'm so excited
we're seeing this together.

Oh. And you're...
you're gone. Oh, uh...

♪ Am all over you. ♪

- There you are.
- Where have you been?

Where have I been?
I've been watching the movie.

What are you guys
doing out here?

We're doing a lightning round
of, uh... oh, I don't know...

- - Drugs?
- What?

- Drinking or not drinking.
- Right.

Tina, play.
Come on.

The-the movie... started.
Remember?

The thing we came to see?

It's fine, Tina.

It's okay if that old movie
gets a little older.

Do you want to play or what?

Here, use mine.

Tina. Don't
be a poop smear. Play.

Ugh. Okay.

Uh, drinking.

Not drinking.

Damn, this game
keeps you on your toes.

I was drinking.

Oh, wow.
Wasn't gonna guess that. Crazy.

Sit down, Tina.
Get comfortable.

Okay, okay, okay!
My turn.

Wait, is it weird if you can't
breathe when you're drinking?

Mm. Yes.
You should have that looked at.

I don't know, Destiny.

Your teeth are so sharp.
I'm all... turned around.

I love that part.

Huh.
Still not back.

Ooh.
I was drinking.

- Oopsie.
- Hey, I have a fun idea.

We could all go in
and watch the movie.

It's really good.
I mean,

the innuendos are so innuendo-y.

And Jimmy Jr.,
it's very dance-y

and-and the main character
has some daddy-issue stuff.

That's your kind of fun.

Sounds pretty cool, right?

Cooler than this?

Cooler than playing

drinking or not drinking
on a staircase?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

The movie
does sound pretty cool.

- Maybe we should check it out.
- All right. Great.

Kid Crew is doing this.
Let's go.

We're coming!
Stop yelling at us.

And stop saying Kid Crew.

Teen Troupe?

Um, maybe.

♪ Jazz, jazz, jazz ♪

- ♪ Jazzy-jazz-jazz. ♪
- Oh. Look.

We've got customers.

Time to go smooth jazz.

♪ Jazzy-jazz-jazz ♪

♪ Jazzy, jazz-jazz... ♪

It's Big Baby Pudding Snatcher,

Little King Trashmouth
and his husband Gary!

♪ All of my mommy's friends
are here. ♪

Yeah.

Oh, my God, he's gonna
sit in the little chair.

No, wait,
he's just standin' on it.

But still.
Oh, it's so cute.

Whoa. They are going
to town on that pasta.

They're eating fast.

They must have tickets
to the opera.

Or maybe they have to catch
a flight to Bonnaroo.

Will you look at them?
They love it.

This is so much better
than our other restaurant.

The one that serves food
to humans?

That place is garbage.

- Tammy.
- What?

- Tammy.
- What?

Is that a vampire?

- Ya-huh, Jocelyn. Yes.
- Oh. Okay.

Wait, what about her?
Is she a vampire?

Yes.

Wait, is this movie
about vampires?

Yes.
It's about vampires. Shush.

Hey, J-Ju. Look at this
crazy-shaped gummy bear.

What the heck?

It doesn't even look
like a bear.

This bear's had a lot
of work done.

Did it just come like that?
This is so interesting.

I just pulled it
out of the bag

and I was all like, "do what?"

Okay, I'm gonna eat it.

No.
Zeke, you can't eat it.

- It's special.
- I'm eatin' it.

- Don't.
- I'm doin' it.

No. Zeke...

- Guys, come on.
- Shush!

Aw, they're almost finished.

Gary's just nibbling
on his last noodles.

Looks like Big Baby
Pudding Snatcher's still hungry.

She's really staring
at Gary's spaghetti.

It feels a little... tense.

- Oh, no.
- What?

I think they're about to fight.

G-Gary!
No biting! No biting!

No! No!
Oh, come on. Please.

Rac attack!

Fire!

Oh, my plates!

I'll try to calm them down
with music.

Gene, that's making it worse.

Oh, no.
I made their fight funkier.

Guys.

Drinking or not drinking?

Jimmy Jr.,
just watch the movie.

Tina, don't be a pee stain.

1,000% not drinking.

- Guys.
- I know your not-drinkin' face.

You're not drinkin', J-Ju.

- Fess up.
- Guys.

No, he's drinking.
For sure.

- Oh, my God.
- Tina, what is your pube-lem?

Stop it!
You guys are being so annoying!

I shouldn't have invited you!

I thought you actually wanted

- to do this!
- Oh, boy.

- Tina, you're screaming.
- It's loud.

Yeah, Tina.
We're in a theater.

I'm such an idiot for thinking

we could do something
interesting together

and remember it and bond over it
and be a krew, with a K!

Dominic, can you stop the movie?

Hey, uh,
ma'am-teen-person?

You're-you're
kind of freaking out

and ruining the movie
for everyone. Are you okay?

No. In the game
of okay or not okay,

I am not okay!
Aah!

Tina, wait...

- Ow.
- Sorry.

- Ow.
- Sorry.

- Ow. - Ow.
- Sorry. Sorry.

Ugh.
Why did I invite them?

Tina, you were just trying

to share something
that you thought was cool,

like I was trying
to do with you.

Which they ruined.

Yeah. They really did.

- They're awful.
- Yeah.

And now they're in there
watching the movie

they don't care about at all
and we're out here.

Yeah. That's not
how I saw things going.

Can we just go home
without them?

I-I don't think
I'm allowed to do that, Tina.

Even though
it would be pretty fun

- just to leave them here.
- It really would.

Do you want me to go get them
and we can leave?

I understand if you don't
want to go back in there.

'Cause of the whole screaming
really loud at everyone thing?

- Yeah.
- Can we just sit here for a little bit?

Of course.

They're gonna
rip each other apart!

Stop it!
Stop fighting!

God, they're out of control!

What if we feed them more?

Gene, empty your pockets.

I know you got
something in there.

My pocket pantry
is empty at this hour.

I refill it in the morning.

I just wanted
to give them something nice.

Something special.

Mom, where are the matches?

I feel like we can solve
the problem with burning things.

What?
How would that even work?

We light the restaurant on fire,

then the raccoons make peace

and unite to help us
put it out?

No. All right,
I know what we need to do.

- What?
- Your dad's not gonna like it.

And it's gonna make a big mess.

And we're gonna have to clean it
up before he gets home.

But it's our only option.

Are you gonna go pee-pee
in the alley

to show your dominance?

No. Doesn't work. I've tried it.

I'm opening the dumpster.

I think the raccoon restaurant

was something I did
just to make me happy.

What's in here...
that'll make them happy.

It's like an all-you-can-eat
raccoon buffet.

All right, dumpster's open,
raccoons. Have at it!

They went in.

The smell lets you know
your plan is working.

Yeah.
It's gonna be bad.

I got to say, it was a pretty
good opening night.

I have a few notes for tomorrow.

You know, the first time I came
to Vampire Disco Death Dance,

- I came by myself.
- Really? You came alone?

I didn't think anybody I was
hanging out with would like it.

But I remember sitting there,

looking around the theater
at all these people in costume,

all of us singing together,

and I thought,
"Wow, I'm-I'm not alone.

"I'm with people who,
you know, kind of get me.

Th-They exist."

So you found them?
People that got you?

Yeah. Eventually.

You know... some.

Basically, your mother.

Anyone else?
People you keep in touch with?

Groups of old friends
you go on adventures with?

Oh.
Oh, no, I-I don't do that.

I mean,
I just kind of go to bed.

But Tina,
you'll meet people like that.

Y-You'll go on adventures.

You'll stay in touch.
I know you will.

- You really think so?
- I know it,

because I would want
to be one of those people

- if I met you.
- Thanks, Dad.

Oh, this is the last song.

Tina, come on.

There's a little dance
everybody does to this one.

I'm not a very good dancer.

I mean, you're moving.

Okay, so this is where Destiny
turns Kevin into a vampire

so that they can
be together forever.

Aw, that's nice.

Yeah.
I mean, all the vampires

kind of take turns
drinking from him.

But there's-there's no blood.

It's just a lot of licking.
Ton of licking.

What's the song called?

Uh, "Shake Your Love Parts."

The verses are really sweet.

The chorus is definitely a...
you know, a little... adult.

Uh, and that's the dance to it?

Kind of.
I-I think.

You know, my body doesn't go
in all the directions anymore.

Thanks for taking me here, Dad.

I guess I'll just have to wait
to meet whoever I meet next.

And in the meantime,
you have a group of kids

who maybe aren't terrible
all the time?

Mm...
Let's just dance.

Or do whatever it is
you're doing right now.

So, um, how did you kids
like the movie

that I wanted my daughter
and I to go to?

There were actually some
pretty cool dance moves in it.

Their outfits were
kind of dumb, though.

Yeah, their pants
got really big at the bottom

and I didn't know why.

And then all these bats started
flyin' at this guy's face

and I was like, "What the ass?"

And then the bats
carried a disco ball

around the whole city.

It was actually
kind of beautiful.

Really?
So you guys didn't hate it?

Yeah, it wasn't totally dumb.

Just, like, mostly stupid.

Just like you, Tammy.
Just joking.

Like how our crew does?
Sometimes?

- Kid Crew.
- Oh, my God,

let's yell
at those people in that car!

No, please don't.

Your car is blue!

Drive, drive, drive, drive!

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Bump it on the floor ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Shake it more and more ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ I just can't stop believing ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Your love parts
got me screaming ♪

♪ Eternal love is groovin' ♪

♪ I bite your neck,
it's soothin' ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Bump it on the floor ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Shake it more and more ♪

♪ Shake your love parts ♪

♪ Bump it on the floor ♪

♪ Shake your love... ♪

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