Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 15 - Sheshank Redumption - full transcript

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

- And that's when I switched to boxer briefs.
- Mm-hmm.

And I never looked
back. Best of both worlds.

Okay, I'm heading out.

Hey, Linda,
you're just in time to hear

why I changed my underpants.

I-I mean the kind
of underpants I wear.

I'm gonna have to take a rain check,
Teddy.

I'm going on a power walk.

Ooh, power walk. Sounds fun.

What is that? Do
you stomp really hard?



Yeah, it's a part of this
thing I'm doing with Ginger.

Gettin' Fitty in your Forties.

It's all about exercising
and eating better

- and being in your forties.
- Can I do it, too?

- I could probably be healthier.
- No.

Sure you can. Get
ready for salads

and veggies and smoothies.

Smoothies with cayenne
pepper and flax seed.

Wow. What's flax seed?

I don't know, but I feel great.

Maybe it comes
from a flax machine.

- Ha! I'm getting fittier and funnier.
- Yeah, you are.

Anyway,
Ginger already took her walk,

so now I got to take mine
or I'll get a frowny face



on my profile.

And Ginger and I have this bet.

Whoever gets the
most frowny faces

has to wear their
bra over their shirt

for a whole day.

That might be bad for business.

Or possibly good.

Yeah, it depends on the bra. Ooh,
I better get going.

We got the kids' parent-teacher-
student conferences

in an hour and a half.

Yeah,
where they make us all sit together

and discuss the kids
right in front of them.

I try to not make eye
contact with... our children.

Well,
they don't usually grade the parents,

but I bet the teachers will
probably give me an "A"

for A-mazing lifestyle
changes and great parenting.

- Speaking of, where are the kids? They're late.
- You're right.

Maybe it's for a good reason?

I mean, it never is.

Maybe there's a cool new
dance all the kids are doing,

and they're having a
dance-off in the alley?

Why is it in an alley?

That's where people step to you,
Bob.

Maybe they got on the
wrong bus from school

and ended up in
a different town.

That happened to me a lot.

There you are. Where were you?

Where were you?!
No? Does that not work?

- We all got detention. - What?!

-Yeah. -Uh-huh. -How?

I swapped out Ms. Labonz's
morning announcements

with the lyrics for
"Baby Got Back,"

which she only
read the first line of,

but it was hilarious.

I put a hot dog in
the pencil sharpener

to make Hot Dog Swirl
Snacks... Patent pending.

And Tammy said horses
are just boring zebras.

And one of us
got her hair pulled,

and the other one got detention.

So, what's new around here?

I can't believe you guys.

What? Oh, the detentions.

Yeah, kids, that's not good.

But, Gene,
the hot dog thing? I kind of get it.

I've had the same
thought before.

- - But y-you shouldn't do it.

And you do this on parent-
teacher-student conference day

of all days?!

I guess it's not a great look. Sorry,
Mom.

But, hey, if it helps,
you don't even have to worry

about punishing us because
detention was... woof.

It was rough. They
didn't let us get water,

more than several times.

And there were
no pastries at all.

Not even a bear claw.

I did kind of enjoy being
alone with my thoughts.

- -But, yeah,
it was hard. Real, real hard.

Oh, you're all getting punished,
Miss Missies

and Mister Misters.

But we're sorry, Mama.

No! It's not gonna work this time, Gene.

It's called rules,
okay? Rules exist for a reason.

It's how society is a thing.
You got to follow the rules.

Right? Bob,
right? This is where you come in.

Um, yeah, that's right.

Sorry,
you just seemed like you were on a roll.

I mean,
we should all be trying to be better people

around here, you know.

I'm doing my part.
I'm eating flax.

- Maybe you should just relax and have some more flax.
- No!

No,
Gene. Leave my flax out of this.

Now I'm going on my power walk,
and I'm gonna think of

a punishment that
fits how annoyed I am.

Spoiler alert,
it's gonna be a big one.

In the meantime,
get to work here and do your homework.

- -Wait,
which one do you want us to do?

Both. Multitask!

Wow,
I would not want to be you guys right now.

- Nope. - Thank you both.

Mom seemed extra angry.

Her teeth were
grittier than ever.

Gritty and gorgeous.

Okay,
so here's what I think we should do.

Work extra hard,
and when she comes back,

this place will look so great,
she'll say,

"No punishment necessary."

Yeah. And she'll pick us
up and throw us in the air

and say,
"My beautiful bouncing babies."

I mean,
I always work extra hard.

I leave it on the
field every day.

But, okay,
let's try it with all three of us.

So, Bob,
back to my underpants story.

Oh, do we need to go
back? I think I got it all.

Here's the thing. I signed
up for an improv class,

and I'm really nervous about it.

So we're not talking
about underpants?

No, we are.

Our first performance
is tonight.

I'm starting to freak out,
so I was wondering

if you'd come to the show
and yell out a suggestion.

In this case, underpants,

so I can roll into
my underpants story.

I don't think the point
of improv is to have

a story ready to tell, Teddy.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Professor Think-em-ups.

Listen, please just come.

Please come and
yell out "underpants."

- No. - Yes, and?

I can't believe those kids.

Darn rule-breaking hooligans.

On parent-teacher-student
conference night.

Out of my way, squirrel!

Oh, I'm so mad.

Uh-oh, cayenne smoothie is
moving around in there. Ow.

Oh, oh, oh, boy. I better go back home.

Oh, no. Oh, no, I'm gonna poop!

Oh, no. Oh, no,
it's gonna happen.

Oh, thank God.

Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

Hold it, hold it.

Damn it! Oh, what?

Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. Oh, my God.

- Tag, you're it.
- Eh, stupid kids!

I mean, hi.

Childhood. Happy memories.

Oh,
maybe I'll just go behind there.

No. No. No. No. No! Hi.

Oh, my God, it's happening!

Okay...

Oh, poop.

You gotta believe me.

I almost always poop in toilets.

It was an accident.
An emergency.

- That's what they all say.
- They all say that? Who's they?

- Public poopers. - What?!

No, no, that's not who I am.

This was all just a mistake.

I'm on this new exercise program,
and I'm eating healthy.

I think my body's just confused

that I'm not shoveling
garbage into it.

It's not used to salads.

And that damn cayenne
pepper is a spicy little bastard.

So,
I didn't need to hear any of that.

- Uh, the fine is $100. - Okay.

But since you have no wallet or ID,
or even a phone,

we need someone to
come pay the citation

with cash before you can leave.

Okay, no problem.

I'll call my husband
and he'll be right here.

I get a phone call,
right? Like in the movies?

- Let me see your hands. - Wha?

- Palms up.
- Oh, hand sanitizer.

Right, right, right, right.

Oh, come on, Bob.

Kids,
tell your dad to come to my improv show

and yell out "underpants."

I'll do it at your wedding.

Sorry, Teddy, we're quietly
and obediently doing our work,

- like good children.
- But if you want some advice, maybe just have fun with it?

You think improv's
supposed to be fun?!

- - Sorry, sorry.

Bob's Burgers. Oh, hi. What?

You're kidding. Are you serious?

Uh, okay, okay,
let me look. We might be a little short.

But I'll go to the bank
and head right over.

Oh, uh... I-I promise. I won't.

L-Love you, too. Bye.

That was, um,
the restaurant supply store.

They called me personally
to say they're-they're having

a half-off sale for
the next 30 minutes.

And you love them?

Yes, very much. - TINA: Aw.

So I'm gonna go
check it out real fast

and be back in time to take
you to your conferences.

Kids,
go upstairs and do your homework.

- Teddy, um, leave.
- Okay, fine.

But if you need someone
to shout "underpants"

in a room full of
ten or 11 people,

don't come crawling to me, Bob.

Okay, sounds good.

Are you sure you don't
want us to stay here

and do extra work, Dad,

with our sweet little hands?

Yeah, really get into it.

I don't know,
maybe mop the ceiling?

No, that's-that's okay.

We could tackle that sticky
corner that we always avoid.

So many hairs stuck there.
It looks like a little forest.

I'm positive. Go upstairs
and I'll be right back

with all those restaurant
supplies I'm gonna get.

Your wish is our command, Papa.

Looks like there's no cleaning
our way out of this one.

And Mom's still out there,
angrily strutting around

thinking of God knows
what to punish us.

And God's seen
some pretty rough stuff.

- So, uh, yeah, my husband will be here really soon.
- Mm-hmm.

And he'll bring the money
and we'll clear all this up.

- Uh-huh.
- He just has to stop at the bank.

Sure. He sounds
great and totally real.

He is real.

You know what
else is real? Toilets.

I know. I was looking for one.

Would it help if I
showed you a picture

of what they look
like? Toilet. Toilet.

That's the kind I have. Oh,
that's a nice one.

- That one's okay. - Ugh.

That one's dumb.

What? Bank holiday?

I know, right? Another one?

They should just tell us the
days that aren't bank holidays.

It'd be a shorter list.

Well,
at least the ATMs are open.

I know, but it's not the same.

- I like the human interaction.
- Why is my card not working?

Oh,
it's all scratched up. How did that happen?

Oh, right.

Get in there. Oh, ah...

- Is that my ATM card? - Yeah.

I'm showing Gene and Tina
how they can open any door

with a simple credit card.

I'm not sure I
need to know this.

Then why did you sign up for

Louise's Life Skills Workshop?

I thought it would be more
about organizing my closet.

I'm just here to network. Hello,
I'm Gene.

What do you do for work?

Oh, my God,
I hate that workshop.

Math, math, math. Oh,
who can do math

- at a time like this?!
- I know.

I think we finally pushed
Mom over the edge.

I'm scared of what
she's gonna do to us.

It's gonna be bad.

It's gonna be really bad.

You think she's gonna
ground us through high school?

What if she replaces our hands
and feet with mops and brooms,

makes us clean all day long?

What if she hires
a gorilla to eat us?!

I know they're plant-eating,
gentle giants,

but everyone has their price!

What if she says no TV?

- Aah!
- Aah! I don't want that life!

Hey, did you guys watch
that really great TV show

- that was on the TV last night?
- No!

Too bad. It was a
shared cultural moment.

See you later.

We can't let this happen!

Just the gum? Yes.

So, you were sitting at home,
and you thought,

"I need some gum,
I'm gonna get in the car

and head over to
the grocery store"?

Uh... yeah.

So can you just ring it up?

Yep. Ringing up one gum.

One gum for the man
that only needs gum.

Look, I'm kind of in a hurry.

I-I came to cash a check
because the banks are closed

and my ATM card isn't working.

- Cash a check?
- Yeah. Like, if I write a check

for $40 over the
amount of my purchase,

you give me the $40.

Oh, no, I, uh,
I know what cashing a check means,

but we're not in
the '80s anymore.

- What?
- Most stores stopped doing that a long time ago, including ours.

Well,
there should be a sign that says that.

There is.

- Damn it!
- You still want the gum?

- Yes. - That'll be $1.39.

Uh, one dollar

and 39 cents.

This feels like time travelling.

Carp. 40 minutes till parent-
teacher-student conferences.

Oh, why can't we just have
lots of money lying around?

Oh. Linda's secret
emergency money drawer.

- Of course! I forgot.
- You know, the more I hear you,

the more I feel like your
life doesn't make sense.

But, uh,
I'm just a normal person.

Shush.

I don't know what's
taking him so long.

He should have been here by now.

Yeah, most people who exist

would have been here by now.

You know what? I have an idea.

I'll go home,
I'll get the money,

I'll come right
back and pay you.

No, no,
that's not how this works.

No, yeah, it's good, it's good.

So should I just let
everyone out of jail?

I'm sure they'll all come back,
right?

I mean, it's something to try.

I'm gonna go,
I'll be right back. You'll see.

You really should sit back down.

If you walk out that door,
I'll be forced to detain you.

More than I'm
already detaining you.

- But we're friends. - Nope.

Acquaintances? If I saw you on the street,
I'd say hi.

Ma'am, don't open that door.

No, it's fine, it's fine.

Oh, double poop.

In case Mom really does
go crazy and says no TV,

we should make a cardboard
decoy TV for the living room,

and we'll put the
real TV in my room.

- Um, my room? - My room.

Okay,
we'll put the TV in the middle of the floor

and let it come to
who it likes best.

- - Ah! Homework!

Yeah, my hands are so sore

from doing all this
homework so well.

And my butt is sore from
all of my homework farts.

- Uh, uh-huh, uh-huh, great.
- Are you chewing gum?

Since when do you have
gum we don't know about?

Did you get anything good
at the restaurant supply store?

Maybe some fun aprons?

- Oh, um...
- Apron fashion show?

First of all,
even if I did get some good aprons,

you kids are in trouble,
so no apron fashion show.

- Boo. - And second of all, um,

there wasn't anything good at the store,
so I got some gum

to cheer myself up.

And now I'm going into my
bedroom to get something,

and I don't want
you to follow me.

I like new Gum
Dad. He's in charge.

You made a big mistake

putting me in here,
a big mistake.

Pretty Woman big. Not
that I do Pretty Woman stuff.

My lawyer's gonna be so mad!

What's your lawyer's name?

John Lawyerton.

John Lawyerton.
I've heard of him.

- He's good. - Oh.

Oh, there's Sergeant Bosco.

He'll vouch for me. You'll see.

He knows I'm good for the money.

- Sergeant Bosco!
- Linda Belcher?

- What are you doing here?
- It's all a big misunderstanding.

I was on a power
walk and I got a ticket

and I don't have
my purse or any ID.

Yeah? What'd
you get a ticket for?

Nothing. It was nothing.
It-it was no big deal.

Public defecation.

- Oh, dear Lord.
- No, no, please.

It was the cayenne pepper.

And maybe the flax,
I don't know.

Oh, but come on,
Bosco, you know me.

I thought I knew you.
Public poopers are just... ugh.

I mean,
this is a society. There are rules.

I know,
I know. I say that all the time.

It's just the worst.

Well, what about murderers?

Well, murder is bad,
too, but at least

it's not pooping outside
like some kind of psycho.

Sergeant Bosco, wait, come back.

- It was an accident.
- That went well.

Come on,
secret emergency money underwear drawer.

Nothing. And so many
holes in the underwear.

Why does she keep these?

- -Are you looking
for Mom's secret cash stash?

Hey. I told you
not to follow me.

You look like a different
guy from behind.

Huh. What's this?

"I.O.U. seven dollars. Love,
Linda."

Why would she
write herself I.O.U.s?

Because she's on it.

Dad, what's happening?

Why do you need emergency money?

And where's Mom? She
should be back by now.

- What's going on?
- Was Mom taken and you need to pay her ransom?

Should we call Liam Neeson?
Do we need some Neeson?

I bet he drives a Nissan.

Tina, kids,
calm down. Everything's okay.

Bull-doody. Give us some answers,
old man.

Okay,
fine. While she was on her walk,

your mom got a ticket,
and we have to go pay the ticket

but I don't have enough cash
and the banks are all closed.

- Mom got a ticket? - Yes.

It's just a ticket?
So she's fine? Phew.

Tina,
I know this is a little awkward, but...

you don't have any babysitting money,
do you?

Like,
$18? I'll-I'll pay you back tomorrow.

With interest. 50%, I get half.

- Tina, let's do this.
- I don't have any.

I spent it all on
Boys 4 Now perfume.

Pituitary by Boyz
4 Now. It's nasty.

I think I have an idea
of how to get some money.

Wait a minute,
what did Mom get a ticket for?

I promised her I
wouldn't tell you.

- Jaywalking?
- Walking way too loud?

- Did her boob fall out again?
- No. Wait, her boob fell out?

At the store once. She
didn't notice for a while.

She's fun.

- Was she trespassing? - No.

- Carjacking? - No.

Flapjacking? It
shouldn't be illegal.

No, look,
the reason she got a ticket

was not that big of a deal,
but I promised

- I wouldn't tell you.
- Why are we stopping here?

Time to say goodbye
to an old friend.

Is that a panini maker?

It's my CD player.

It's the only thing
that truly gets me.

So as you can see,
it-it's in great condition.

- Mm...
- I paid probably a lot for it.

And it-it has the
cassette thingy here

that you plug into
the dashboard,

which is basically magic,
and the CD goes there.

Oh, it has skip protection,
by the way, so rest easy.

I-I could let it go for $40.

I'll give you five bucks for it.

What? A-Are you crazy?

CDs are coming
back. I-In a big way.

I'm young and hip
and I can vouch for that.

So am I and so can I, daddio.

Five bucks, take it or leave it.

- $18? Final offer.
- Let me handle this, Dad.

Hey. Give my dad $18 for
his old man music machine.

I'd listen to her if I were you,
mister.

She seems loco.

- No. - Well, I tried.

Okay, that didn't go great.

But at least I didn't
have to lose you.

- To that mean man.
- What are we gonna do now?

Well,
your parent-teacher-student conferences

start in half an hour.

I guess there's one
other thing we can do.

- Tell us what Mom did? - No.

- - Hello, Teddy?

I deserve this.

I was supposed to be
getting fitty in my 40s

but instead I got
poopy in the park.

I'm a bad person rule breaker.

No wonder the kids
all got detention.

Look at what kind
of example I set.

They'll never respect
me again after this.

They probably don't want to
come 'cause they won't be able

to look me in my
public pooping eyes.

That's why they're
taking so long.

- What are you in for?
- Attempted to sell drugs

to a state trooper. You?

- Public defecation. - Oh.

So, you need $18?

- Yep.
- Is it okay if I only have a 20?

Yeah, that's fine,
Teddy. Thank you.

Do you want to give me
the two dollars' change now,

or just owe me the whole 20?

I-I'll owe you 20, Teddy.

I'm so sorry,
we're-we're in a big rush.

I can't believe
Linda got a ticket

and you won't tell
me what it's for.

Probably flapjacking.

He won't tell us,
either. He's keeping that mustache shut.

Except to chew his precious gum.

Oh, you got gum?

Y-Yeah. Do-do you want a piece?

I never say no
to a piece of gum.

Okay, uh, here you go.
Now if I could just get that...

Maybe one for now, one for later?

- Okay, fine. Here.
- Big night for me, too, I guess.

- Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
- I'm just bouncing off the walls.

- Going through scenarios, you know, pre-improvising.
- Right.

- Yep.
- Who knows. Who knows what the night holds, right, Bobby?

- Mm-hmm.
- Ah. Maybe I'll think of some improvs,

maybe I won't,
maybe my mind will just go blank.

Okay, fine. Teddy, I'll come.

I'll come and yell
out "underpants."

Oh, really? That's great.

Because you weren't
that into it before.

Yeah, no,
yeah. It's-it's gonna be great.

So, anyway, Teddy,
we really have to go.

We have parent-teacher-student
conferences in 20 minutes.

Gosh, I-I'm just dying to know
what Linda's ticket was for.

I bet it was something great
and the cops just misunderstood.

Like stealing a cloud.

It was for public pooping, okay?

I mean, allegedly. I mean,
not that.

I was improvising.
Forget I said anything.

I'm taking the 20. Bye.

Wow.

Mmm. Just chew it, Teddy.

- Don't swallow it.
- Damn it.

Okay, you guys have to pretend

I didn't tell you
what your mom did.

May-may or may not have done,
I mean.

Y-You have to erase
that from your minds.

There are some things
your father tells you

that you never forget.

And "your mom got a
ticket for public defecation"

is definitely one of them.

I can't believe this and
I can't believe I learned

a new word for poop today.

Defecation, defecation,
defecation...

- -...defecation,
defecation, defecation.

Dead. They're all dead.

Bob, Tina, Gene, Louise, dead.

That's why they
aren't gettin' me.

I've got no one and
nothing in this world.

I live here now.

Can I, can I switch cells?

Hi, we're here to pay the fine
for Linda Belcher. Here it is.

In small bills.

Great. Why is it wet?

- Is that sweat? - Probably.

20, 25, 26...

We're kind of in a hurry, so...

Well, now I've lost my place.

20, 25...

It's just, we have the kids'

parent-teacher-student
conferences,

and we need to get to the school,
so...

- Oh, let me know how that goes.
- We got detention today.

That's probably
already in your system.

I don't know if
that's how it works.

Yeah,
we had a meeting about it with the chief.

Oh, God.

Hi,
honey. Sorry it took so long to get here.

There were, um, some,
uh, money things.

It's fine. Hi, kids.

- Hi, Mom. -Hey, there.
- Hello, Mother.

- You told them, didn't you?
- Told us what? -No.

I don't even know
what defecation is.

Something you do at church?

Yeah, sorry. And I told Teddy.

And maybe a guy at the ATM.

- I-I can't really remember.
- Okay, fine.

I pooped in public
and I got arrested.

Not technically.
You were detained.

- She got detention.
- Thank you.

So, newsflash: your mom isn't perfect,
okay?

What made you think we
thought you were perfect?

Yeah, you're a work in progress.

Hey, we should really finish
this conversation i-in the car.

Uh,
the conferences start in seven minutes.

So we should leave
jail and go do that.

So you thought I
was gonna say no TV?

- Kind of?
- I would never. I'm not a monster.

TV's almost my favorite
child. If I had a favorite.

We do celebrate its birthday.

And you thought
we'd never respect you

or listen to you again?

Well, yeah. Why would you,
after all this?

Are you serious? You did time.

I respect you more
than ever now.

Yeah, you've changed,
man. You got hard.

And we also kind of don't
want to end up like you.

- - So I...

kind of scared you straight?

- Damn straight.
- Well, then, good.

- Okay, let's go in.
- Wait a sec. Listen.

- We're already late.
- So we'll be a little late.

It is important

for everyone to
follow the rules.

But sometimes we make mistakes.

Some we can control,
like putting a hot dog

in a pencil sharpener,
and some we can't.

- Like clenching your sphynxter.
- "Sphincter."

- What did I say? - Never mind.

But as long as we're trying,

we'll all be okay, you know?

- You pooped in a bush.
- Look at me.

Any of you bring this up
inside of that school, ever,

the TV goes in the ocean.

- -Got it.
- We won't, ever!

- You, too, Bob.
- I'm so scared of you right now.

Good. Now somebody
get me a baby wipe.

Okay.

So we need a suggestion.

Anything at all.

- Underpants. - Chicken wings.

Oh, chicken wings. I got a
great story about chicken wings.

I mean,
i-it's a thing I'm just coming up with now.

- Okay, chicken wings. - What?

Ah, one order of chicken wings,
please.

- - Oh, my God.

Uh, take it easy,
sir. Who brought this guy? Uh...

♪ I started eating healthy but it
made me have to deuce now ♪

♪ I tried to do it stealthy but
I landed in the hoosegow ♪

♪ This song I'd
like to dedicate ♪

♪ To everyone who's defecate ♪

♪ -ed in public ♪

♪ Try to hold it,
try to hold it ♪

♪ Just as long as you can ♪

♪ For there might
be repercussions ♪

♪ If you try to drop anchor ♪

♪ Try to hold it,
try to hold it, try to hold it ♪

♪ Try to hold it,
try to hold it, try to hold it ♪

- ♪ Hold it,
hold it in ♪ - ♪ I'm gonna make it ♪

♪ I'm not gonna break it ♪

♪ Gonna hold it, gonna hold it,
hold it in. ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.